Marriage and Divorce

Matthew 5:31-37, 19:3-11

Show Notes

Matthew 5:31–37 (5:31–37" type="audio/mpeg">Listen)

Divorce

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Oaths

33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.¹

Footnotes

[1] 5:37 Or the evil one

(ESV)

Matthew 19:3–11 (Listen)

3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”¹

10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.

Footnotes

[1] 19:9 Some manuscripts add and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery; other manuscripts except for sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery

(ESV)

What is Sermons from Redeemer Community Church?

Redeemer exists to celebrate and declare the gospel of God as we grow in knowing and following Jesus Christ.

Jeffrey Heine: 00:00

If you have a Bible, I invite you to turn to Matthew chapter 5 and also chapter 19. Both of those will also be in your worship guide, as we continue our study on the Sermon on the Mount. And as you're turning there, I wanna just, go back to last week and address one thing. I got a question from a couple of you just about, what we mean when we say the Bible is literally true, because if remember last week, we looked at how Jesus said if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. If your hand causes you to sin, you should cut it off.

Jeffrey Heine: 00:37

And I mentioned that Jesus was using hyperbole there. He's using a metaphor there to communicate a truth. And a couple of you just had a question about that, about why, why I and other preachers are so quick to just remove the idea that Jesus is not literally saying to do those things. And so I just wanna address real quickly what we mean when we say the bible is literally true, because we do believe that, but we also believe that, yes, there's freedom to use metaphor. There is a freedom to use different expressions of speech.

Jeffrey Heine: 01:08

For instance, when Jesus at the last supper, when he breaks the bread and he says, this is my body, or he raises a cup and he says, this is my blood. We don't actually believe that is the body or the blood of Jesus. He's using a metaphor, an image to communicate a truth. Or later in the actual Sermon on the Mount where Jesus is gonna say, before you go and you confront somebody with their sin, he says remove the log or the tree out of your own eye before removing the speck out of somebody else's. We we don't actually believe there is a log, a physical tree in somebody's eye.

Jeffrey Heine: 01:43

He's using an image and an exaggeration. It's kind of Jewish humor there saying somebody's walking around with a tree in their eye. Says remove that before you remove the speck in someone else's. And so we as we read through scripture, we do recognize that Jesus, Paul, that they used metaphor, they used images, they used hyperbole at times. And usually like last week, it's pretty easy to understand when that's the case.

Jeffrey Heine: 02:10

And one of the reasons I wanna say this is because usually passages like last week are pretty easy to interpret. The text we're looking at today is not. The text that we're gonna look at today is, an extraordinarily hard text to really grasp and to understand. And we need to understand it. Matt Mason is a good friend of mine.

Jeffrey Heine: 02:32

We're in a small group together. Matt's the lead pastor at the church of Brook Hills. And interestingly enough this past week he came to me and he said, hey we have this situation that's happening at our church, that somebody's going through a divorce. And that's what our text is about. It's about divorce.

Jeffrey Heine: 02:48

And he said, I just wanted to see what you thought about this because we're struggling to understand if this is a biblical divorce or not. And I laughed, not because it was a funny topic, but I laughed because literally our entire eldership had just passed around the Church of Brook Hill's statement on divorce and remarriage, and we were all studying and looking at it, and now they were coming to us and asking, what do you think about this? Meaning that it's difficult. It's difficult waters that we need to tread into, but we need to do it. And it's not just difficult because the text itself is hard to understand.

Jeffrey Heine: 03:25

It's also hard to preach on because it touches so many wounds. If I were to ask you to raise your hands, those who've been personally affected, either directly or indirectly by divorce, just about every person in here would raise their hands. And for some of you those wounds are still very fresh and deep. Others, there might be a scab that might be getting poked today. And for some of you, you just have a deep scar.

Jeffrey Heine: 03:54

But it's a sensitive issue. But once again, it's an issue we need to deal with. We need to hear Jesus' heart concerning marriage, and His heart concerning His hatred towards divorce. And I also wanna say at the start, before we go into this text, that for those of you in this room that have stumbled in this area, I want you to hear that your hope is the same as my hope, and that's the gospel. As Jesus is giving his commandments here, we need to remember his words.

Jeffrey Heine: 04:31

He said he came to fulfill the law. Well he even came to fulfill his own law that he is giving. His own commandments that he is giving. He's the only one who perfectly fulfilled all of them. And so as we hear these commands, whether it be from anger or from lust or from adultery or divorce, know that Jesus is the only one who has perfectly obeyed those commandments.

Jeffrey Heine: 04:59

And the good news of the gospel is that He gives us His righteousness. He gave it to it freely to us on the cross while He took our condemnation. And that is our only hope. And so we approach this text being poor in spirit. We all come poor in spirit.

Jeffrey Heine: 05:19

And so Matthew chapter 5, we'll begin reading in verse 31. It was also said whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman, commits adultery. Again, you have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.

Jeffrey Heine: 05:57

But I say to you, do not take an oath at all. Either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply yes or no. Anything more than this comes from evil.

Jeffrey Heine: 06:23

And the fair chapter 19 verse 3. And the Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the 2 shall become 1 flesh. So they are no longer 2, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.

Jeffrey Heine: 07:03

They said to him, why then did Moses command 1 to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. The disciples said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. But he said to them, not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.

Jeffrey Heine: 07:46

This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. You would pray with me. Lord, we pray that through your spirit, you give clarity to these words and that you would give us softened hearts and open minds to receive what you would have for us. These are life giving words.

Jeffrey Heine: 08:06

I pray that my words would fall to the ground and blow away and not be remembered anymore. But Lord, may your words remain and may they change us. We pray this in the strong name of Jesus. Amen. Like I mentioned at the start of this series on the Sermon on the Mount, this is actually one singular sermon, not just a bunch of random topics, but one sermon and the points that Jesus is making in this sermon, they follow a natural progression.

Jeffrey Heine: 08:38

And so last week, we looked at anger and lust, which naturally lead into this topic of adultery and divorce. Like last week also, Jesus begins this section by saying, by quoting from Moses, and then saying, but I say unto you. This time he quotes from Deuteronomy 24 when he says, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. And then Jesus says, but I say to you, that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. Here Jesus gives only one grounds for divorce.

Jeffrey Heine: 09:28

One reason, and it is sexual immorality. The word sexual immorality is just one word in Greek. It's the word porneia where we get the word pornography. And throughout the Bible, we typically translate it as any sex outside of the biblical marriage of 1 man and 1 woman. There actually is another word that Jesus could have used that simply means adultery, but Jesus, he decided not to use that word, and instead he uses a slightly more broad term of porneia, sexual immorality.

Jeffrey Heine: 10:04

In this context, I would translate that this way. Pornea is sexual behaviors that express infidelity. Sexual behaviors that express infidelity, but infidelity is what is at heart here. Jesus says that unless this person commits infidelity, unless that is the reason you get a divorce, you are going to make your wife commit adultery. You have forced her to commit adultery.

Jeffrey Heine: 10:40

Now I want you to know, like, when I read that and I say that, I immediately immediately, I just wanna like throw a lifeline out there and just say, now let me tell you know what it what it doesn't mean, and like what it does mean, and let me kinda shed light on that statement throughout all of scripture, and I want to I want to try immediately to soften that. But I would do an injustice to Jesus's words if I just did that right off the bat. If I softened what he said here. Because Jesus here is direct. He's blunt.

Jeffrey Heine: 11:15

He is explosively intentional. Because Jesus wants us to see that divorce is impossible. He wants it to seem impossible to us, And he wants us to see that the cause of divorce is always sin. And the effects of divorce are long reaching and they are devastating. And he wants to communicate that in such a way that we feel it, and we feel it deeply.

Jeffrey Heine: 11:48

Now Jesus says here that the husband causes the wife to commit adultery. I believe the assumption here is remarriage. The husband causes the wife commit adultery in her remarriage. And the reason I believe this is because being single was not really an option for a woman in this day. The only way that a woman could survive is to get married again or to prostitute herself.

Jeffrey Heine: 12:26

But I don't think Jesus is talking about prostitution here. I've heard that preached, but I I don't think that's what Jesus is talking about here, Because it doesn't make sense with the flow of what Jesus is saying, in which Jesus first talks about the woman's guilt in remarriage, and then he talks about it in terms of the new husband's guilt in remarriage. I think what Jesus is talking about here is remarriage after divorce. But, by saying this so forcefully, and so powerfully, Jesus is making this point. There is something so powerful about the union of marriage, you just can't shake it off so easily.

Jeffrey Heine: 13:11

You even carry part of that union with you into the next marriage. Thus making it also contaminated by sin. Sin leads to divorce, and then sin even affects that remarriage. That said, Jesus clearly ascribes guilt to the one who causes that. To the one who is causing the divorce, not to the victim of divorce.

Jeffrey Heine: 13:40

If a husband divorces a wife for a reason other than infidelity, he is forcing her into that sinful situation. He is the one who primarily holds that guilt. Now Jesus here, he's talking about a husband divorcing a wife, but I think we can fully apply that to a wife divorcing her husband. It's just that that was extremely rare in the 1st century. So Jesus is addressing this from the husband's perspective.

Jeffrey Heine: 14:12

Okay. Let's stop here. Jesus just dropped a bomb on these people. I mean, he dropped it on us. It explodes because this was an extremely unpopular view of divorce and remarriage.

Jeffrey Heine: 14:32

And one of the reasons we know this is because Jesus Jesus's enemies, they hear what he said and later in chapter 19, they're they're gonna try to get him to say it again because they want him to trap him. They're like, if we could just get him to say that again, no one's gonna follow Jesus. And that's the context for Matthew 19. Look at verse 3. It says, and the Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?

Jeffrey Heine: 15:05

Now the Pharisees knew what Jesus had already taught. They knew what he believed. They were just trying to snare him or to to catch him, and saying that again. They they wanted that sound bite, if you will, that they could then spread on social media, have the news, cover it. And if they could get that one sound bite, no one's gonna follow Jesus.

Jeffrey Heine: 15:27

In a very small small way, I can identify with Jesus. Small. But just, as a pastor here, sometimes, different news reporters have called and asked to interview me. And, and usually what they do is they feed you a quote that they want. And they like, so what you're saying is this and they give this quote.

Jeffrey Heine: 15:50

They've already got it typed out and they're just looking for you to like nod your head. And then it'll be like Joel said this. Once a reporter called and asked if they could interview me concerning the meaning of Easter. It was the week leading up to Easter. I said, okay.

Jeffrey Heine: 16:04

I'll talk with you about the meaning of Easter. And we sit down and the first question first question this reporter asked me about the meaning of Easter was this. So what is your church's stance on gay marriage? I was like, what? What?

Jeffrey Heine: 16:21

I thought we were talking about Easter here. But what they wanted was a sound bite. They wanted a sound bite that they could plaster. They they wanted something juicy that they could spread and the Pharisees are doing this to Jesus. They know these words are explosive.

Jeffrey Heine: 16:40

And so the Pharisees here, they they begin by alluding to Moses's words found in Deuteronomy 24, And they asked, Jesus, do you agree with these words? Do or more appropriately, we should ask, do do you agree with the interpretation we have of these words? And because these words are so important to this discussion, I wanna sit We're gonna put these words up on the screen and I'm gonna take time to read through them. So this is Deuteronomy 24. When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away may not take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled.

Jeffrey Heine: 17:51

For that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance. Let me give you the context of these words. Men were divorcing their wives for any reason at all. They were divorcing them left and right.

Jeffrey Heine: 18:18

And, when they did this, they were leaving these women in a horrible situation because everybody saw them essentially as damaged goods and no one would remarry them. And so Moses he steps into this terrible situation. He says men if you're going to divorce your wives you need to give them a legal document saying that they are officially separated from you. Divorce was your idea. You divorce them.

Jeffrey Heine: 18:50

Thus it makes it legal for them to remarry. You need to give them that. And so Moses is stepping into a horrible situation and he is providing basic protection for these women who find themselves in, such a destitute position. Now the the big controversy over Moses's words here was just how should one interpret the phrase some indecency. If the husband finds some indecency with his wife, he then gives her a certificate of divorce.

Jeffrey Heine: 19:34

And there are 2 schools of thought. 1 was that some indecency is just infidelity. That's it. That's the only grounds for divorce. And then there was another interpretation that some indecency could be anything.

Jeffrey Heine: 19:49

Absolutely anything a husband found indecent in his wife. If she was not a good housekeeper, he could divorce her biblically. If she burned the dinner, he could divorce her biblically. If the husband saw another woman walk by who was prettier than his wife, he could say well that is because of some indecency in my wife and he could divorce her biblically. And this was happening left and right.

Jeffrey Heine: 20:20

One time, Lauren and I, after shortly after we got married, and you know nothing when you're getting married. I mean, you're just learning everything. And, she was gracious enough to make us dinner. And the dinner was, it was bad. Like, not subjectively bad.

Jeffrey Heine: 20:37

It was objectively bad. Like, all of you would say, yes. This is terrible. And, and I was trying to eat it, and try not to have the gag reflex. And finally Lauren's like, I can't eat this.

Jeffrey Heine: 20:47

And so we we threw it we just threw her dinner away and she, she goes, let me I'll try something else. I'll just make cheese toast. I was, like, that's great. Cheese toast would be great. And then what happened next, I don't know the physics behind it.

Jeffrey Heine: 21:00

Like, I don't know, like, how it's scientifically possible, but she gave me cheese toast that was completely burned, as in black burned, but the cheese was frozen on top of it. I I I don't know how that was possible, and Lauren didn't either. She she put it down on the plate and then she just started crying. But being the godly husband that I was, I did not divorce her. Alright?

Jeffrey Heine: 21:28

I didn't say, like, I said, I'll give you another chance. Alright? But you could, and these Pharisees and the Jewish people of this day were divorcing their wives over such trivial matters as this. It was rampant. They didn't have the mindset of how can I make this marriage work?

Jeffrey Heine: 21:53

Instead they had the mindset of well I guess I get a new wife and we move on. It's not too dissimilar from our current culture In which divorce can be chalked up to just some vague term of irreconcilable differences. Kinda sounds like something indecent in the relationship. And divorce is easy. I've seen so many billboards that just say, need a divorce?

Jeffrey Heine: 22:24

$300. Easy. Jesus' view here on marriage and divorce, with infidelity being the only grounds for it, was extremely unpopular with the people of that day. And knowing this, the pharisees are like, we got them. We got them.

Jeffrey Heine: 22:47

We just got to get them to say this again on record. And Jesus, he doesn't hold back. He gives them, not just what he said last time, but he expounds on it even more. This time he gives the reason for why saying what he had before. He goes back to Genesis itself.

Jeffrey Heine: 23:08

Read with me again in Matthew 19 beginning in verse 4. Jesus answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female. And said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the 2 shall become 1 flesh. So they are no longer 2, but 1 flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Jeffrey Heine: 23:47

I have never once done a wedding in which I have not quoted from those words found in Genesis chapter 2, because they're the basis of marriage, in which we see that God designed and gifted marriage to us. He created marriage to be between a singular man and a singular woman for the purpose of an amazing union. And this union, as God spells out here is is far deeper and takes precedence even over family relationships. That's why he says you you basically, you leave and you cleave. You you leave your family relationships and you form this new one as husband and wife.

Jeffrey Heine: 24:36

And Jesus here, he's quoting from Genesis 2, check verse 24, but then he adds his own words to it when he says, so they are no longer 2, but 1 flesh. Now Jesus just quoted how Genesis says they become 1 flesh. Now Jesus wants to emphasize that, drive that point home. And so he says again, so the 2 shall become 1 flesh. And he's pounding in this new reality of marriage that that God creates something new, some mysterious union in which 1 plus 1 now equal 1.

Jeffrey Heine: 25:17

1 plus 1 equals 1. 2 people becoming 1 flesh. Their lives become so interwoven with one another, that for all intents and purposes, they need one another as much as they need their own organs to live and to function. One of the best commentaries that I've read is by a guy named Dale Bruner and he put it this way. He said the implications of what Jesus is saying is just astonishing.

Jeffrey Heine: 25:51

He says for instance, a husband no longer talking to his wife is just as damaging to his personhood as if he had high cholesterol. That's how much we are joined together and we become 1. Then Jesus says these words that, many ministers say after they pronounce a person husband and wife. When when I pronounce a person husband and wife, you know, I'll say, now having pleasure, love for, and loyalty to one another, and having sealed that pledge with rings, I by the authority, invested in in me as a minister of the gospel, and in conformity with the laws of this state, pronounce you husband and wife. And what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

Jeffrey Heine: 26:42

I quote from this King James because it just sounds more official. Alright. You know, it's just asunder. Let no man put asunder. That's what Jesus is saying.

Jeffrey Heine: 26:53

It's like, let no man separate. Let no man separate. There's 3 things I want us to look at in that statement. What God has joined together let no man separate. First is this.

Jeffrey Heine: 27:10

Notice Jesus does not say what you have joined together. He does not say what the state has joined together. He says what he, what God has joined together. The union of marriage was put together by God himself, and since he's the one who put it together, he can be the only one who tears it apart, and he does so only through death. That's why we say till death do us part.

Jeffrey Heine: 27:43

Death is God's way of ending that union. Second thing I want us to notice is just that we're joined. In Greek, the word can mean, a yoke. Yoked together, which implies a partnership. Its more common meaning is actually glue together.

Jeffrey Heine: 28:07

Through marriage, God glues, or super glues, 2 people together. And this is why, this is why through this unbreakable bond there that you can't have sex outside of marriage. I had a friend when I was in college, who was working on some project, and he put, you know those little tubes of superglue? He put it in his pocket, but the the bottom of that tube busted open. And so super glue was just going all in his pocket.

Jeffrey Heine: 28:38

He was unaware of that until way after it had dried. And so, when he noticed it and he was trying to take off his jeans, he had to rip them off And in his words, he goes, I had some genes stuck on me and I had some of me stuck on the jeans. And sexual union is the same way. It unites 2 people in such a way that if you try to separate it, you're gonna take part of the other person with you, and you're gonna leave some of you behind. God didn't intend for those things to be broken apart.

Jeffrey Heine: 29:22

Final thing Jesus says here is, let no man separate or let no man put asunder. Basically man has no business tearing apart what God has put together. The tense of this statement is what we call a present active prohibitive. And what you can translate this as is stop tearing apart. So you put all this together, and you can hear Jesus's passionate plea.

Jeffrey Heine: 29:55

When he says, what God has glued together, Will you quit tearing it apart? Quit tearing it apart. Jesus's heart is breaking when he sees what we have done to his gift of marriage. The Pharisees though, they push right back and they say, oh, if what you're saying is true, then why did Moses command that we should get a divorce? And Jesus responds instantly, because of your hardness of heart.

Jeffrey Heine: 30:32

But Moses didn't command it, Moses allowed it. He allowed it. Jesus does not say Moses commanded it, but only that Moses allowed it. Hear me. One does not ever have to get divorced.

Jeffrey Heine: 30:49

Even when there is infidelity, it does not mean that you have to do it. Jesus says you're only permitted or you're only allowed to do it, but it's not something that you have to do. It's the plan b, but it's never the plan a. This is actually one of the reasons the scripture is so difficult because it seems like God has a plan a. And because of our hardness of heart, He gives a plan b.

Jeffrey Heine: 31:17

Plan a is Genesis. Plan b, because of our hardness of heart, comes in Deuteronomy. His plan a is prescribed. His plan b is per is permission. Jesus, he adds here, but from the beginning, it was not so.

Jeffrey Heine: 31:41

And I picture Jesus' heart breaking as he says that. I think just that, even that little line, but from the beginning it was not so, reveals so much about Jesus' love for marriage and His hatred for divorce because Jesus, as God's Son, was there at the beginning. He was there when marriage was created. He's the one who created it, thoughtfully, lovingly created marriage as His gift for man. He got to see Adam and Eve naked and unashamed before one another.

Jeffrey Heine: 32:20

Perfect communion with one another and perfect communion with God. And he got to see that incredible gift of marriage. And they had to kill him to see how that gift was being torn apart. And it wasn't just a gift to the people. It was and and the way they related to one another.

Jeffrey Heine: 32:40

It was given as a powerful symbol to demonstrate God's love that he has for his people. Marriage, when we look at marriage and we see that bond, God says, that is exactly how I love you. All throughout scripture, we find Jesus or God describing himself as the husband and his people are the bride. And God, all throughout the pages of scripture, despite our unfaithfulness, despite committing every act of sin and infidelity, he never ever divorced His people. Ever.

Jeffrey Heine: 33:18

But He always pursued and loved us with a steadfast love. And Jesus, he sees that symbol being torn apart. He says, stop doing it. Stop. So that's the thrust of Jesus's view on marriage and divorce.

Jeffrey Heine: 33:40

He he wants to make divorce so difficult for us that his disciples are gonna struggle long and hard to save their marriages before ever taking a single step towards divorce. And the disciples got that message. I mean, did you hear what they said at the end? They're like, if if that's the case, it's just best not to get married. And Jesus doesn't say, no no no.

Jeffrey Heine: 34:06

I'm not I'm not saying that. He doesn't calm them down after that. Says, well, not everyone can accept that. Not everyone can. But only to those whom it is given.

Jeffrey Heine: 34:21

You enter marriage with your eyes wide open, knowing the commitment that God asked for. Now one of the difficulties we have here with Jesus's words is he seems to be, giving us this one singular reason for divorce, which is infidelity or adultery. And even then, it's only permitted. It's not prescribed, just permitted. However, later, the apostle Paul, who's gonna expound on Jesus's words, he's gonna give us another grounds for divorce.

Jeffrey Heine: 34:59

Abandonment. And he does this in 1st Corinthians 7. Paul is gonna be teaching on marriage and divorce and he is going to, he's gonna refer back to Jesus's words here in Matthew chapter 5 and Matthew 19, and he's gonna once again talk about the importance of keeping that marital covenant, But then he says, if one spouse has abandoned the other, that is grounds for divorce. And Paul did not see that as a contradiction with Jesus' words. I have a hard time understanding how.

Jeffrey Heine: 35:40

I really do. I have a hard time, and it's not just me, it's others as well, have a hard time understanding how Paul can say what he does about marriage there. But Paul is under the influence of the Holy Spirit. He is being completely faithful to Jesus' teaching, but he sees both sexual immorality and abandonment as grounds for divorce. Now, I have a few ideas as to how Paul does this, how he sees the connection of the 2, but they're just ideas.

Jeffrey Heine: 36:13

I'm happy to talk with any of you about that later. The bottom line is this, Paul clearly teaches on this. Therefore, God is clearly teaching on this. Which raises questions. Like, what constitutes abandonment?

Jeffrey Heine: 36:28

Just grounds for divorce. What is abandonment? Does abuse count as abandonment? Does emotional abandonment count? Exodus 21 says, when it describes, a marriage, it says a marriage has to have these three things.

Jeffrey Heine: 36:46

A husband has to provide these three things. Has to provide food, clothing or shelter, and physical intimacy. If a husband doesn't provide one of those things, is that abandonment? Is that grounds for divorce? These are all legitimate, good questions that I think anyone contemplating divorce needs to invite the pastoral leadership of the church into their lives to help them think through.

Jeffrey Heine: 37:18

You're gonna need help to guide you through this. You don't ever navigate these waters alone. I will say this. If ever you go into scripture, and your intent is in order to find a way out of your marriage, you have missed the very heart of scripture and Jesus' heart. You've missed the entire point.

Jeffrey Heine: 37:43

You do not go to the scriptures searching for a loophole to where you could get out. You go to the scriptures to search for the strength you need to be reconciled and endure. Anytime a couple comes to me and they are seeking a divorce, one of the first questions I ask them is this. Can you explain to me how your decisions reflect the gospel? It's a very probing question, but how does your decision reflect the gospel?

Jeffrey Heine: 38:19

Now I know for a number of you that divorce is not a theoretical discussion, but it has been a part of your life. And I wanna end by reminding you that you, just like everyone else, your only hope is in the gospel. Jesus is the only hope for those who struggle with anger, lust, adultery, lying. He's the only hope for anybody who's been a part of a failed marriage. And over and over again, Jesus has proved faithful to us when we have been unfaithful.

Jeffrey Heine: 38:56

And His blood washes us clean, and it does not just wash us clean partially, but it washes us clean fully. His blood can wash over all of our sin when we trust Him. So pray with me, church. Lord, we thank you for the powerful and beautiful gift of marriage that feel like we, as fallen humans, have just scratched the surface of its intent. And I pray that through Your Spirit, You would allow us to see more and more of your purpose in it.

Jeffrey Heine: 39:45

For those who are struggling in their marriages, Lord, I pray that you would give them the strength to endure, The strength that your gospel provides. Maybe at times, even when it feels like death, may you resurrect it into something beautiful. So that the world might look and see and wonder at this powerful symbol of marriage, as it declares of your great love for us. We pray this in the strong name of Jesus. Amen.