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Finding life after loss, Two Dancing Widows dives into the stories of resilience, hope, and transformation. Hosts Toni and Hettie welcome new guests each week, from widowers and life coaches to those battling severe illness, who share their journeys through struggle and their paths back to joy. This podcast is for anyone navigating grief or simply looking for inspiration to live and love deeply again. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that remind us all that healing, while challenging, is a dance worth stepping into.
coming up on this episode of Two Dancing Widows.
I was sitting there and somebody that was sitting in the bar.
It was the sort that I didn't really like her. She never spoke to me in the
chapter meetings or anything. So I was just sitting there playing with my
ball and not I spoke but that was it. Ralph came up
while I was a little irritated and said,
is there anything that I can get you a water or a pop
until the family gets here being a gentleman and I said you get in your
own way sometimes in life. I said no thanks I'm just waiting for the family thanks
it away. Oh and I just dismissed him and I think I just
barely looked at you. Did I even look at you baby? I got it you did. I don't think
your friends came away from that screen. Did you guys know who each other
worked? You didn't know that she was the girl that you
wanted to talk to. He was the guy that you were going. So that was all four?
Well four. Well four. Well four. That's actually you. Yeah. What bad? Yeah.
Because we actually met at the end of November and then they had
on the fall and we had the lunch and December and September. Yeah. Which would
be our fifth year at aversary this December 10. That was
early on and just letting you know that we were starting to be in each other's
sphere before we met and so then we go to lunch and by the time
that luncheon was over I was saying to myself
I can't wait to go out with him again. He was so charming, so intelligent,
a sweet, sincere humor, all the things that educated women or women
here yet like in men. Welcome to two dancing
widows. The podcasts were host Tony and
Heady explore life after loss and the strength we find in each other's
stories. In today's episode our host sit down with Ralph and Pat Carter.
After Ralph lost his wife following her battle with cancer and Pat's own
marriage ended both found themselves navigating life alone in their later
years. Together they share how they found each other
navigated the complexities of senior dating and discovered that life truly
is for the living. From the awkwardness of dating websites to the beauty of
second chances Ralph and Pat's story reminds us that it's
never too late to embrace happiness. So settle in and join the two dancing
widows for this inspiring episode about love,
loss and finding your light again.
Hello again this is Heady Collins here with my co-hor
Tony Narell and we are the two dancing widows. We have a new episode for you
today and it is called Embracing July. We would like to talk about
rediscovering happiness and fulfillment and to that end we are honored.
Actually we were really honored to have two wonderful people to talk about
that with us and one of them is a personal and really old friend and when I say
oh I'll put that in full picture. Always friends of Tony's and he is a
really wetter at the age of 50, 60, 70 songs. Anyway I thought you can kick out
out of that. So Tony do you want to tell us about your relationship with Ralph Carter
and then we will also talk with his wife the lovely Pat Carter.
Hi listeners this is so much fun today we're looking forward to it. I know Ralph
since we were about 13, 14 years old he was one of my husband's best friends from elementary
school so we have a lot of history together and I am so happy for him that he's
embracing joy and later stages of life and so we're excited to talk again.
Okay Ralph let's begin with you telling us your story of love and loss and this will go back to
your first marriage. Okay with first of all thank you for inviting me to be on your great podcast.
I'm honored. Yes yes but my story is probably not unlike many other people that from my era
I went away to school I went away to college and met a young lady, a pursuader and for whatever
reason she accepted my pursuit and we became friends and friends we became wellpers and eventually
we married. I'm so to get to the altar we've known each other for about six years before we
actually got married but we were together 47 years as lovers and 41 years as husband and wife.
The loss was really because let's put it this way my wife got sick and with cancer and in the cancer
didn't cross it nice it was the cure she couldn't survive the cure it was pretty rough and for
about six or seven years she was debilitated and eventually got to the point to where she couldn't
eat she was on a feeding tube and it affected our social life because you never realized how much
eating is part of social activity but we became a little bit more isolated and she came from a large
family 11 kids but she was a very private person and she didn't even want her family coming around
going that doing her struggle so for about six years we were basically just she and I and my daughter
it moved from Washington DC back to Chicago to be close to her mother and it was basically that was
the nuclear family that we had and that was her world I mentioned she had to go into a nursing
home which I hated but that was our routine for about a year and a half you know I took a little
part time job to do something doing the first part of the day and then from five o'clock to 1030
every day I would go we would sit talk we stayed till I at least 1030 so we had to see the 10 o'clock
news and we discussed the news and politics and all of that I was around there so much that I'd
leave and people would think that I was leaving early at night because they thought I worked there
because visiting hours over at eight I was leaving at 1030 every night but it was that was all I
it was rough well fine just want to interrupt you a little bit there because Sharon was
there private and kind of quiet but she had a wonderful relationship with Jim and my husband
they would talk on the phone and then I didn't think one of my fondest memories in the later years
of both of them he was in the hospital there and she made you bring her over there to visit with Jim
she did and so I knew that that was special because at that time in her illness she did not really
want to be around a lot of people who have come out and visit or anything but you guys stayed a
while they had they shared little jokes always through the years and he would tell me I talked to
Sharon and they just had such a special connection and relationship I thought that was just I thought
well I've got two childhood friends I'm gonna say childhood go back to like great school and all
of that and for whatever reason she's very close to to Jeremy and our mutual friend will
is that yes yes whatever reasons she is always embraced them and they've been special in her life so
the fact that she wants to see Jimmy doing her illness before he got to the point where she couldn't
get out and about is not surprising to me you know she really liked Jimmy she really liked
well yes absolutely we but we met her what what were we about 18 19 maybe yeah I just remember you
were telling us about this girl that you really thought was good looking and you thought she
looked good in your convert no no no she looked good in my role rather I like your role but okay
she she was I told us she was an accessory because she had the Mickey Health Row and this was back
and I had a 70 road rider back in 71 so I was went from a freshman zero to a sophomore he
wrote a campus so I was I all of a sudden went from a nobody to being with a full of pretty girl
yeah yeah she was beautiful like you champro that she had a lot of hair and so she looked good I
knew it was one carman yeah yeah it was it she used to hate me to refer to as an accessory but
that was I've always been a kid you know that in San Joe right exactly exactly okay and continue
because I was sharing sick because I know Jimmy was sick for me well he was actually sick for
a 39 he was diagnosed but Ashley in the then then written wheelchair for 16 years yeah I mean
if Jimmy fought a valiant fight I mean because I can recall but he first mentioned that he was
still in with MS and I can remember we would still get out and he I think I could see it progressive
we had a cave yes and all of that and the fact that he had to do the early retirement you know
and even Jimmy was a brother guy a very brilliant guy as you well know all right okay but the
bottom line is he fought a good fight sharing her her struggle was probably I would say guessing
probably about like six years from her diagnosis for a rare cancer that she had and and then all
the other problems that that developed because of her her cure was so aggressive and eventually got
it to the point where she ended up being and I'm not able to eat and eventually being hospitalized
can you lead us through your lowest point during that time and her fight here fight together wow there's
so many different occasions I would say really the lowest point truthfully was probably
the data she went to get a procedure done and and and I felt so helpless because it's a
man you feel you should protect your family and I was in a situation that I could not do anything
I was helpless I was nothing I could bring to help to change the situation and I felt so
terribly bad about it only thing I could do at that point was advocate for her doing her illness
and be that voice in the room to make sure that she got the best medical treatment she could get
the next law's point is probably after she passed there was anger and the anger was it was
pricing I was angry because she was such a pious person in my religiosity at that time was below
sea level yeah and I said how could the lawyer take away somebody who was was such a prayer warrior
and and so pious and then I was angry at her because I was on the verge of retirement we had all
of these plans and it was obvious that none of them would come to fruition at this point and it
took me time a little bit of time it works for my anger tell us about the the joyful moments
because I know there were some because you and I've talked about that how in the midst of all of
this sadness and you're watching your life partner struggle so but there were those very intimate
very joyous moments that I always felt blessed to be a part of that somehow it was very unique
to to caring for someone to see oh and I'd have to say Tony was help me with the world of
caregiving because there was there was occasions that I could give Tony a call and ask for a council
and she had explained things to me quite well I remember not to get off the subject but a story that
she told me because I remember she was frustrated and she struck out at me and said some hard
things and all of that and I remember calling Tony and sound like you know hey I went through this
experience with with Sharon and she shared that she had had occasions with Jimmy in that and it
because you're the only ones available for them because they're so isolated so therefore
sometimes their frustration comes towards you and she said that she actually got him out of bed
put a minister, rolled him down the hallway opened up the garage door the door to the garage
hit the button and said do you see that long line of people outside waiting to help you
I think you need to adjust your attitude and I thought about that I said that's real that's
really for real yeah at that day it was almost what was that Tyler Perri's movie when she took him
and she threw him in the bathroom and all of us at that point if I like with that moment and that's
all I could think to do but I was just telling you about we it's a court-macked you don't
become a victim of murder if you will that this real life is real tough is real tough for the person
is real tough for the family so I understand your frustration but I but you can't beat me because I
I just can't I can't get you well near humanity also to yeah yeah but but getting back to the point
you spoke of I I feel good that I was there that she was not going through this journey by herself
that I was able to do all that I could and I sort of beat myself up too because why I thought to
myself because I was so busy with my job and at that point they were they were using me as a
resource and that national resource and I was spending a lot of time in Detroit at the Center for
Human Resources because I was in human resources at the time in labor relations and I was spending
a lot of time at the Center for Human Resources and be there for a week come home on weekends
and I felt bad and I felt sort of disconnectable what's going on at home I didn't even realize
the severity of her her illness and told the day I went she went for biopsy and and it said some
things and I asked my daughter so why she's so hung up on this she says well you know this could be
a very dangerous cancer and I didn't even know it was cancer so I was that disconnected with the
situation and I felt as things went on that I should it got to the point that she had to get that
sick for me to realize just how much I really loved it you know and she had been number one
priority all the time you know that work was just you know the work is how we take care of the
exactly that provides us to me to provide them comfort as well as you know the home and the safety
that they need and then the next thing I care that they're able to get because without that job
you know and you have not to go Medicaid and you didn't lie and there's nothing wrong with that
but you're not the front of the line and you've got no choice in the matter by having the job
you're able to make choices that turn out to be both valuable to you and her exactly exactly
I felt I felt gifted and that I was able to advocate for all so because I remember being involved
in some some social issues about the American Care Act or Obamacare and I remember going to
a point of hour protesting outside of one of the Democratic congressman's office because he
was against it and they were pushing that that Obamacare was basically going to be a government
panel for life and death for you know people and my position was no that was the insurance company
because I was there was so many experimental treatments that were available for sharing
doing her illness and insurance company would not allow it to happen so I'd have to write letters
of appeal and all this all was very passionate about that so I was just happy doing that period
that I was able to advocate for that I could be there give her that human connection and then plus
when it got to the point where they were and she had to be remanded to the nursing home
because the care was a little bit beyond what I could do at home there were so many people there
that I'd come in and they would not have visitors and I and I see how they would press the button
for service at a big nor the novice glad that I was there to to to be able to not only for her
for somebody other people to go up to the front does they you know take care of this person
that they needed somebody to advocate for them so I was glad I was able to do that to in that period
for and that's hugely important because I know with Jimmy he at one point he could no longer feed
himself right and he would be he became confused because he suffered from not only the MS but a
dementia related to the MS so if he had to be by himself I can't even imagine on some days that
he would have even eaten because nobody cared or they really weren't there to say that well
fear they would have delivered a full plate and then came back and taken a full plate back
absolutely that's absolutely exciting and so it was a blessing in that regard and also if you know
we were laughing and talking about them but we really they didn't really show appreciation
for us because his words were first thing anything in the hospital was where's my wife did you
call my wife where's my wife be it two in the morning two in the afternoon whatever if I stepped
out that was a problem for them and they would have to find me right right as her illness progressed
she ended up with a trache as she couldn't speak and she would have notes if not we come in and I
would see her notes for that day and always when it was where's my husband absolutely could you call
my husband and that every day you know yeah so that kind of so I was saying yeah exactly they really
understood and they appreciated that they had people exactly there for them exactly when there's
things like that they need compassion that's not something that's built into our care system
so it is and it is something that is personal and sometimes something that's private and every
person deserves it but as you pointed out not everybody gets it can you talk to us a little bit
about how did you find yourself able to reconnect to society you said before and mentioned that you
sort of alienated or taken out of the circle of friends that you had been in and that you were
separated because of you know the need for privacy with Sharon's situation how did you
re-integrate back into well one thing I was I was lucky that I was a member of fraternity and
even doing this period I had that one hall pass day of month to go to fraternity mean I read
chapter meeting and I'd be around the fellas and in an after meeting we we find ourselves at the
bar talking and so forth and and that one day a week kept me in the flow you know I needed that too
it was many times I'd do whatever we come and tell me hey take the weekend off you know she was
living in the city and then we were out the suburbinary she would come and spend a weekend
and try to get me the weekend off but my deal is like come on that's your work in five days a week
you're getting to week and you can't do this every week you need to go out and do your thing too so it
I was happy for my daughter to give me some time off and and blessed that I was also a member
of an organization that I had an opportunity at least once in a while get involved in different
things and get my mind off of my current situation for at least one day a week a month should I say
yes they were lifeline and so after sharing past tell us about life then what was like like after
other than being other than being angry yes you followed to routine you sort of like
rudderless you're out there of a float in in the ocean and you don't know where you're going
and you realize that your current situation was built for for the two of you and
and all of a sudden your current situation doesn't make any sense you know I looked at myself I was
out in the western suburbs and I'm thinking like okay this was convenient you get the work and
everything but in my current situation by my out here you know routine is like going to the
health club in the morning once a week going to the mat nave the old folks mat nave to see your movie
you know or a couple of days thought of the week you know you're eating out because it's hard to
cook for one person and impulse but socially I'm sequestered out and I said I got to get out of
this situation I'm gonna you know sell this place I got to get back get back to the world and
were you doing those activities primarily alone oh yeah because I know men don't hang in the
packs like no no no no you know because I do those things even now but it's like the girl's
girls trip girls for the lunch girls yeah okay no you don't you do it you do it by yourself I
I felt I guess a freedom because that been off of the the black for so long I got more involved
that the fraternity got involved in the food bank and because I had not been active in and doing
some of the social work of the fraternity I felt like I needed to pay it back and I got involved
in those activities and it just got me going and then I decided that I was gonna sell and buy
in the city be close to my daughter because she wanted to keep an eye on me so you know once I got
back into the city things started to change a little bit my routine was different I doing the
course of the week things were happening that I could attend you know I still wasn't really so soon
this month or just just like just going over guys house to watch the game you know where's before
45 minutes out in western servers and everybody I associate with is in the inner city you know
please so that became a convenient my daughter was close she was at what a house all
they're about five to six blocks from the house she was buying so therefore at company and
so I was getting into a routine yeah keeping an eye on me and and keep me current too yeah yeah
I have to tell you this too that sure this yeah um I was anxious to do so though but so I was
talking to a gentleman this week he didn't like me I didn't like him either but we thought
Mike we've been matched on paper okay but he said I asked him many questions but I asked him
questions like what we're asking you now and he was like well I wake up in the morning I asked
him what what do you do to reconnect with life what do you do every day walk me through your day
and he said well I wake up and I'm thinking that's a good thing he says well you know I do what I
want to do some days I go and run errands some days I'll do this or I do that he goes and then
some days I just sit here read or whatever you know he didn't sound very excited about any of it
and he said that's a hard question and I said that's a hard question and he said well yeah like
what are you doing I was like well you know I talked to my girls we go for lunch you know we go
to health club we go reading you know we travel we you know laugh at things we go drink it sometimes
I said you know I don't think it was a hard question at all and he said what would be a better
answer I said well I don't know if there's a better answer there's nothing wrong with your answer
I said but when I asked it I thought perhaps you would say you know I go to theater go to museums
I go off I get together with my buddies I quite ten is record well I run I swim I thought you
could say something like that not just that I get up every day because that I guess is a
monumental thing and I have a thing about that too because I deal with the Lord and I say well
if you give me up I'll give me out so I'll give me up and I give myself home out that's our deal I
can see that but I think it's more difficult as we talk to people it seems to be more difficult for
men yeah to do those kinds on social activities that women do because heading out we go to a lot
of social activities book reading like she said museum or author signing you know you're not
going to find guys okay because that's that's our stocking that's our question we look around
rule and I said till hitting the other day we were at our gallery up 47th Street and they had a
wonderful panel discussion her daughter who is phenomenal she was bleeding this panel discussion
and I said where are all the guys are age I mean this is interesting conversation she looks at me
and she goes there did you know I have to say that I'm really roll it out no no no no big it's
pretty it's the candle what I say about the music I listen to I say everybody I listen to is
either dead or they do come out on stage just sitting in the chair now so I mean we're just at
that point right so we're not going to meet the guys because that's where we had it in this
conversation to a little juicy of art of the conversation remember our topic is embracing joy
so how did you know it was the right time or did you know it was the right time to socially
romantically get back in the game well it happens what are like it's organic in a way at least for me
my bill is like when I first um when she first passed I was surprised how many people that I knew
that knew her were making overdues towards me and I was saying hold I she's still occupies a very
important part important of my heart I'm not ready to work to move on yet you know and and then I
had friends fraternity brothers everybody a wise of friends tried to introduce me to people that
they knew that they thought I would be you know a good relationship with a good develop that and
it was like I was being barred my part and I would always tell them the same thing it's almost
like it's what a mad okay I'm alone but I'm not lonely thank you very much you know but I noticed
after about who about a year and I'd say it was the best cheering past like in February of 2018 so I
think it was probably in the fall of 2019 I noticed I was going to socially dance and I was all
of a sudden I was seeing women okay you know I had been around them but I wasn't seeing them yeah
all of a sudden I was seeing them you know and I said oh I must be compartmentalizing this now
because I'm I'm actually looking and saying that oh she's attracted one of what's her story is
and so forth and I told me that I was at that point and I said you know that old saying that time
heals all wounds they did obviously at that point I was at that point that my heart was opening up
and I had compartmentalized my situation and realized that life is for the living you know it was
it was time maybe to move on you know I think that interesting thing about that for me listening to you
you know which which is really useful but I'm gonna repat had given us the piece of advice of
former exercise conversation very shortly now where she said you know ask guys that you know
and trust introduce you to people that they know and believe in being good guys well my
guide friends that were friends with us as a couple they have this weird loyalties to my
they are like that is true that is true that is true that is true and I know none of this
mean it's it's weird but it's almost like you betraying your loyalty to your boy it's like the old
saying like you know you can't go with somebody else's girlfriend ex girlfriend you just can't do
it you know and that's I think that's a that's a man thing you know and all the ones other than
what's my situation of the finale did because I was deaf and most of the people that was tried
to get me to introduce other women they didn't really know my wife so they're four they know over
they may be new lover seeing us together but they did have any sort of fidelity to the situation so
consequently they just saw in their mind a good brother that things whatever reasons you know if
there's a way I can help him not be alone you know all I'm or plus there was not a guy saying that
hey I got this beautiful woman she's divorced a little when she loves brand on a corner I know her
I know I know I know you guys would be perfect together and it was everybody was trying to get you
through the hookout and it was like you know it was a bit much at first you know but too
listen if it would have happened at the point that I've cited no it's a women's high partner and
like okay and you know but that was you know on the circumstances that caused me not to be able to
enjoy that period called a pandemic so can we breathe you're a lovely wife and I would say yes
I might be now when you start noticing women did you have in your head what you were looking for
unfortunately the woman that I first was very interested in was very much a share and look
alike and you know same for it same hair and I realized that's really messed up
I did a little I thought that was really messed up and I was trying to figure out why didn't you
drag me was because of that yeah that's why I noticed it and and then there was other that I noticed
uh there that was just interesting uh women one of the habits at the fraternity
house of women come to I events and so forth uh and they're along or a few of them and at the end
of the night they're walking to their car we always escort them to their car we don't let them
walk to their car alone and and it was I've had some interesting car decisions and I I could tell
I was coming out of it because I was starting to ramp so these were changes oh that's really
interesting so yeah oh that's funny uh I talked to one lady and it was we talked about the
sheer and look alike the guy she was dating he can wear her husband's her her to see sus
clothing and she had saved them and oh yeah and I know I've seen that in movies turns out
yeah oh my gosh and he and this is something I actually saw my own eyes and he looked quite
nice in the clothing but I don't know how he could do that but he would wear get a nice leather jacket
and different shoes even he could wear and I thought that's a little strange and then she would
say things like you know we love to go to concerts and they would go to concerts ever and I thought
she had found a doll if you will yeah right and kind of made his man into her husband and I they
didn't look alike right but I just thought that was the dance for you that's a little bit of
well as you get a chance is you get to know Patricia you'll see that she's maybe not the polar
opposite of shearing as far as she's a bit more gagerious oh yes absolutely absolutely so you'll
you'll see that so I wasn't looking for the exact same same thing in that situation okay can we
all have you know well of course we can and then we're gonna they were really you look at the
other side of what she saw in film yeah so honey I think that oh he had kind of it's depressing in
a way because her awful greys with the men are gonna be at the places we're going and then that
know you are not gonna introduce you didn't that's not useful that's not useful at all that is we'll
have to ask Pat for some advice on that because I think Ralph is leaving us pretty confused well
Ralph is leaving us out that you're hanging us out to drive yeah she's gnaws like two oh you know
two old ladies here because he's not giving us any answer right I think I think we need
that I think I can't you understand and this vibrant lady that has just joined us here at the
table is Patricia Carter and tell us this is for this is our official Carter I newly wed
I newly wed lush igno she was he means all their cutest they can be together tell me how life is now
oh I am just so thankful to God for meeting a really wonderful man that loves me the way I've always
wanted to be loved oh I tell us how you met him and you tell that where did you lead in this
tell us before you get to that tell us what you were looking for hey and uh where are you looking
I was in a marriage where I married somebody for the wrong reasons and it didn't last and I got
the divorce within a year and a half and I was it was just a bad mistake and um sometimes we our
judgment is off and so right after that I started getting on my knees and my living room looking
out the front window saying the same prayer repetitiously every morning dear Lord Jesus I pray for
the best man for the last man it was wrote I said it every morning and a year went by two years went
by three years went by but the third year is when I met Ralph and uh this friend of his which is
his frapp brother um uh was having a party for his wife her retirement job was selling versus and
he said this group text out about the party and I know that he says really popular cue and I said
on the text are you gonna have any single men there and then I realized oh my gosh that was a group
text and and and and within within a minute he called me and he said what's up and I said well you
need to introduce me to somebody you you know all these guys and you know that I'm by myself and he
said I think I have just the guy it was almost instantaneous and I was like oh well tell me about him
he said well his wife died about a year ago but it really been a year and nine months and uh he said
that he's a really good brother a really good man um uh he lives in your pill he'll he has a daughter um
he's just a good brother I'll invite him to the party I said okay I go to that party looking his
cutest I could look I had on my black leggings my heels a little tap um and some makeup my hair
cold cute and I walked through and he says he's not coming because he his car went into a pothole
and he had to get a don't use his donut and he didn't want to drive out here to lancing uh from
the city on the donut and so a couple hours later after drinking to keel of shots I said uh
and there were other cues there but I only wanted to meet the one he wanted me to meet and so
I said wanted to call your friend and he said okay because he was born too off to keep
so uh he calls him and he says I have somebody that came here just to meet you and Ralph says
meet me because Ralph wouldn't have come if he knew that there was somebody to meet him because he
didn't want to meet anyone and all these friend brothers wanted him to meet their principal at this
school their neighbor their cousin because there's a lot of single women out there that are eligible
and they wanted and I I've always maintained that men know which men are good yes they know what
and and so he I wanted to meet you Ralph because he wanted me to meet you so I didn't care
about those other friend brothers there and so he said there's this lady they came here to meet you
and Ralph's oh I don't know anything about that and he gives Ralph the phone and we just say something
simple I say well looks like Mike wants us to meet and he said well and Ralph says to me well if he
wants us to meet then we'll meet then I said okay look you forward to it here's Mike again I didn't
try to have conversation with you uh blame it on the tequila yeah the very next day because Mike gave me
your number your number because he knew that if he gave you my number you were not gonna contact me
because you were not interested in meeting anybody and I think was because his wife was still in his
heart he just does wasn't ready to meet me one and life is all about timing and we know that yes
so I text him the next day and I said this is past my poor's friend I know that it's it's
Sunday it's sports day for guys so go on and look at your sports and whenever you get a minute
call me he never called me he never text me and I said well I'm not contacting him again
so I go to Saint Louis my mother had just passed two months earlier she was 93 with all
his timers she had a great life and I want to say it was to visit her sisters and while I was
in Saint Louis Daryl Veezy calls me another cue and says how you doing just checking on you and I
told my boss by and I said one of your friend brothers Mike work wants me to meet he said what is his
name I said Ralph Carter did you say Ralph Carter I said I did he said he's one of the best men that
I know and so I'm looking at Mike Ward and Daryl Veezy thinking highly of you and it made me want
to meet you and Daryl Veezy arranged it where we met he called Ralph and gave him my number
no reality I call him this right I call him well I was the chairman for
reclamation and we tension and he was the next name on a list wow I think you're doing
that's so what I called him and in the course of the conversation your I made him at
Illinois State he was on the charter line there and I get sense that there was something he
wanted to get into interjecting the conversation other than the things we were talking about so
soon as it got to a certain point he said we seem to have a friend in common and he brought up
Pat's name and I said oh that's the young lady that Mike Ward wanted me to meet but I inadvertently
erased her telephone number from my text messages would you be so kind to give me the number
and and he did and I gave her a call when he called me we were so compatible we both had one
daughter each and we're both Greek and both our parents are from Mississippi both my parents
both of his parents I mean we just had a lot in common and we both went away to school in Illinois
and we just started talking and we were really enjoying it and then I had to get off the phone
because I had to do my confer when my check-in verse Southway's Airlines I was coming back home
the next day he finally did contact me in Chicago about two weeks later I said why did you wait so
long that was my class did you have and he said because I didn't want to seem thirsty oh okay
and uh right you know we're older so why are you wasting time so we we we we yeah we get
tires so we get it right we're good for him he sends me a text that says pick a restaurant let's go
to lunch and I pick a poop is hop on 110th and sister row he picks me up when I come out the door
I do as I do other people but I don't know them I extend my hand and say hello nice to meet you
he said oh we not hold it hands we know each other we've talked on the phone we're gonna hug
and so I I let him hug we actually could have met the month before that I told
well we've been in each other's it has just seven times before what it was uh it was September
was it August the queue's had a picnic and Jervis invited me to that and he saw me and some other
sorrows season sorrows sitting over there with our legs frost with our cue all in our hands sipping
but then he came over and said hey ladies hey sorrows and but he didn't say anything to me the next month
October my cousin uh uh James Batisse his mother passed and I near my sister brother all went to
the funeral but I didn't want to go to the burial I was just gonna go to the frat house where the
read pass was and Ralph was there holding down the frat house for anybody that was coming early
I was sitting there and somebody that was sitting in the bar uh it was the sort of that I didn't
really like her she'd never spoke to me in chapter meetings or anything so I was just sitting there
playing with my phone and not I spoke but that was it Ralph came up while I was a little irritated
and said um is there anything that I can get you uh water or pop until the family gets here
being a gentleman and I said you get in your own way sometimes in life I said no thanks I'm
just waiting for the family thanks anyway oh and I dismissed him and I think I just barely looked at
you did I even look at you baby I got what you did I don't think your friends came away from that
screen did you you guys know who each other were you didn't know that she was the girl that you
could want to talk to and he was the guy that you were going no that was all broken a little
four because we actually met uh the end of November and then at the on the fall and we had the
luncheon december and set yeah which would be our fifth year anniversary this december 10
that was early on just letting you know that we were starting to be in each other's fear before
we met and so then we go to lunch and by the time that luncheon was over I was saying to myself
I can't wait to go out with him again he was so charming so intelligent uh sweet
sense of humor all the things that educated women or women here yet lied in men and uh
that we went out again to the quarry on a 75th and near yates it's a live jazz
supper club all by event moio from real make up we go there and that's when we start looking at each other
uh tell about that tell them what my suppose to say that we would that you look deep in your eyes
and feel no no all that is like we walked in and she because she and the owner I which I didn't know
you would have high school at me south shore high school and they were traveled made to rural
maids when they take cruises so was like two worlds interjecting because I've been going to the quarry
uh because it was convenient to hear jazz and as she walks up I took a look at her for the first time and I
said my summation was not bad so that night is when I started to realize that I was looking at her
in a different way than just being cordial because I had made a commitment to meet somebody and
I'm a man of my word let me ask you this now if you and I went to see Linetta's concert
sometime around that here's what it is yes we cause and you said to me in the car
how do you all about dating or anything like that and I said no not really I said how about you
he said well uh I kind of met somebody or did I tell you that yes she's my friend she's my friend
my husband would like her yes I think I don't remember that yeah because I was thinking
it had to be around the time we went to see Linetta right we did yeah because you said but not
because I just really recently moved to the city walked that house and you said oh
somebody will want to come up and live in here this place yeah so some of the sorrows they look
at me they know that I'm a belted deer I'm older and they're in their 40s and 50s and 60s and they say
you inspire me that you met a good man because we heard that he's a good man and that you're
been bought house on a creek and everything and I said well uh God is the best matchmaker
and because everything that I I had the nerve to when I prayed I prayed for the best man
for the last man I had the nerve to name the attributes that I wanted in a man I even said a man
that could cook and could grill I know a lot of things he's our father in heaven so you can name
the things that you want and so I tell my friends you know just they pray for but also I have friends
that have gone off a step further and they've gone on dating websites and they have met guys I've
got three friends two got married and one is engaged just from dating websites because some good
men in the world they you're not gonna meet them and allowed they don't hang out like that you're
not gonna just meet them on the street they're not gonna say anything to a woman that's just
walking down the street or getting out of her car they're gonna they're gonna go on a dating
website to meet a woman that they like her profile and what she says let me ask you questions
that to that in does that recently signed up for helpful when I'm getting ready to get off of
them honestly you know I okay so I signed up with black people me oh yeah more white men have
kind of contacted me that's a laughing that's why white men are on black people me yeah that's
what I said that's what he said we're a friend remember he's on the cruise and she said a white guy
in a different state got him yeah oh yeah that's right yeah and I'm like
always but this area too and you know Northbrook's young book and other place and I'm just like
China thing I'm not picturing that but I don't want to call myself
but you prefer brothers yeah it is to my liking but I also prefer men that are genuine
that you don't know right and this moral and then we have things in common with and so on that
on that along those lines a lot of these guys I don't even understand how they can't use modern
equipment it's like brothers are eight are zenning in the mirror calling a camera to the mirror
to take their picture to post online and so I mentioned that in my open oh yeah you know or
that just like look a weird and I'm like why would you post that so first of all the first thing in
my head is he doesn't have good laws so I don't know or the English in there they're they're
spelling or something that I can kind of get over a little bit only because when I first got
on there I realized that I could turn but every time I did it's a thlein half done you have to
just keep time bringing it goes also I make a mistake yes if you make a mistake and you can't go
back or act bitter anything like that so I'll kind of like well you're down on grays but saying that
you met people or that you know people that have met people yeah can you share with us a little bit
about did they tell you how they did that I think then they they I'm okay okay plenty of fish match
blindable meat uh and there's another one uh this is an expensive one I have it in my phone
they said that they got on there one of them didn't tell the truth about her age and she was seven
years older than this guy and she they met and they started dating and everything and then after
about two or three months of dating she said I want to let you know that I didn't really I wasn't
really accurate about my age on there and but if you don't want to still see me that's fine I just
wanted to eventually tell you the truth and he said oh no I like what I'm seeing and I like
how you are and they're engaged now I don't know I told him I like the setup here I told
Eddie I think when she talked about the the gentleman that we're doing the crazy taking pictures
they probably depend on their grandchildren to help them with technologies and and grandpa doesn't
want to tell the grandkids to help me with the dating site right so I think that that could be
some of it that some of them actually put their grandkids in there like what I put this daughter
he was all hooked up with her like this and he texted me and then I texted back and I said
I'm assuming that she's a daughter I guess she really looks a little older only you know in
70 so far she probably is 50 so and he said oh yeah Eddie I just might order and this is
that any other not like now but the discretion there I thought oh what meeting you know I fear if
you're in tune is to say I'm a family person just say that yeah but another thing is
introductions because that's how we met so what I used to do when I was in my 50s I gave two
matched with a dating speed dating events one was at blue 47 down street yeah delta how that's
and one was to do a dragon restaurant dragonfly restaurant or thereby over opera hacker studio
and it's easy to have them because the restaurant they're gonna make the money with the drinks
in the food you're just using their their venue and I gave them and I had the the bill and every five
minutes the men will rotate around and talk to the woman the woman who just sit and they will walk
around and have conversation for five minutes and after they met and talk to every woman in the
place then they they were free to talk to go back and talk to whoever interested them and people
met through that it was like a I don't know what you call it but it was like a match
sleep matching speed dating that's what was speed dating since you let it know because of that now I
couldn't I didn't I didn't make any money I just did it because I had so many friends were single
Bob see so where are the senior men yeah are they I think they're dead
not that's love handy to leave I'm sure that I am sure of it do you know it because I have so
so so this is a youngy pat I do so my friends all of my friends just like you all have
male friends who their single they're unattached they make date every now and then but they're not
in a serious relationship but all of us know men like that I don't I don't even oh I do oh no I don't
know I don't really know but don't get a pass pass through Gary and she's a my old LD when say
she's a social butterfly she getting parties that would have not you see it how hard is she
gave at her place was twice the size of what we helped you came out of here for our part but I'm
not like that anymore now I'm just heavily married and settled well you know though I think see
for me the reason why it's not true is because my husband I belong to a lot of you know
couples groups oh yeah and what has happened which I thought was really good at first but it may
be a little bit to my detriment is that they you know all said when I lost him oh no you got to
stay in you don't have to be you know don't feel as though and I did because I knew that when it
was so comfortable and so I still run with them because they all failed this weird loyalty
to my disease a husband and he felt like you know he was in coaches and we have a lot of
social friends and they're everywhere and I have called my foot to just just wait to somebody
George could you just wait somebody and they're like I can't do that Pat could you just wait
to somebody you know I don't really know about you we like they need to do that there's this
weird as we talked about before this is I guess this feity or you you don't want to even as they move
going to the upper role you still feel the slurlty that you don't want anybody messing with
they're lazy you know but but the reality is is all the time and the goodness that they had and
it's been used up and it's and as we said before life is for the living but but I understand why
they do what they do I have not ever introduced anybody to anyone yet myself that's a good knoth to
end I think that I love that would you just say yeah life and stuff so tell me any final thoughts
no I just want people to listen to this particular episode and understand that even after loss
there is a time in life that you guys have been blessed with to embrace joy and you are doing that
with both hands we came to a fabulous party this summer that you invited us to we had a great time
and just you're traveling all over the world and the smiles on the faces and look at that blusher
goodness I'm not gonna react to the other women I don't know I'll keep making guzoo eyes I know I
love it I'm not saying what teenagers yeah but this is so much it is what we were hoping to get
in our episode we discover happiness and fulfillment so we thank you both for joining us today thank you
stories yet unto
to dancing with us in the dance of life and brings finding rhythm after 70 in time and space
with every step a new story unfolds in the journey the beauty of aging is tall
to dancing with us in the dance of life and brings finding rhythm after loss in time and space
with every step a new story unfolds in the journey the beauty of life is tall