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The Noon Hour Of Madness & Mayhem can be heard live on KBEAR 101 weekdays at 12pm MST. Viktor and Peaches talk about a wide variety of topics depending on the day and you never know what to expect!
[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast
Trying to torture me, Peaches? Yeah?
Goodbye, my lover.
Ugh, his big dumb head
Goodbye, my friend.
Big dumb James Blunt's head
You have been the one.
Going across both of my monitors here
Been the one for me.
All right, we are back to ... Come on, give me that space or something. There we go. He's gone now.
I'll be the one to fight the monsters under the bed.
He is a monster under the bed. Can you imagine if James Blunt was under your bed? You'd be terrified.
You'll hear a foul.
Be like-
I must abduct you.
"Mom, there's a scary clown hiding out under my bed. I can hear him talking. He's singing a really terrible song. He won't leave me alone, Mom. You, you gotta hear his horrible voice, Mom." [laughs] It's like a haunted song.
You have been the one for me.
Another haunted song, Peaches. All songs by James Blunt, haunted, yes. I didn't know songs could be, uh, haunted until yesterday when I, uh, had that breakthrough discovery. Night Ranger.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Night Ranger is
an evil band, Peaches. Night Ranger is, uh, pure, pure devil music
Sister Christian, know the time has come.
Pure devil music. Night Ranger. It's a scary name, dude.
I think that, I think that song was in Saints Row 2.
Hmm. It's a violent game for a violent song.
Sister Christian, brr.
Yeah, dude. Don't mess with Night Ranger, man.
Just pull on.
Pop a cap.
Ugh. Hair, hair metal
We're, we're, we're lively today. We're energetic.
Yeah, I-
You should see the look on Victor's face
... I am so tired today. I was in my office staring at the computer, and I'm like, "Should I put my head down on my desk like school back in the day?" Have you tried sleeping that way in a while, Peaches?
Uh, no, 'cause I can't sleep sitting up-
Ah
... for some reason.
I, I bet I can do it, but I bet Jade wouldn't like it. If you want-
He's not here.
Oh.
He's up on the mountain, I think.
Okay. Well, Jade, don't come back till the end of my shift. I'm gonna go, uh, work hard in my office.
I'm gonna be thinking. [laughs] If I look like I'm sleeping, I'm pondering.
Hmm.
I'm coming up with creative promotions ideas. I'm thinking. Eh.
Boy, Peaches, the coffee ain't cutting it today, bro. I hope we can find some fun crap to talk about, or this show gonna be a dud. It's gonna be a dud.
I was, uh, pre-recording the afternoon show-
Mm-hmm
... and, uh, we talked a lot about yogurt.
Yeah, you said-
Um
... you were gonna smear yogurt on people's vehicles or something.
Uh, I was gonna smear yogurt on Jeff's windows because apparently, um,
it cools your place down.
Now, couldn't you cover your windows with just about anything, aluminum foil to reflect-
Hey, you know what?
... the sun back?
I'm not gonna go against this UK professor that said otherwise, just yogurt.
The, the British man, you can't trust the British.
I do find it funny that over there they're like, "We're, we're, we're experiencing a heat wave." It's 70 degrees outside. Dun-dun-dun.
Can't even eat crumpets in this weather.
Oh, my tea doesn't need heated up.
Yeah.
Well, good luck to those in the UK. I saw they, they were having some major problems [laughs] 'cause of the heat over there.
Dude, New York is the biggest piece of crap on planet Earth.
What happened?
They, they just had to install toilet seats in the subway system or in the subway bathrooms-
Hmm
... because those were taken out.
Hmm.
And th- th- they're like, "Oh, we, we, uh, uh, what's it called? We analyzed these bathrooms and saw there were no toilet seats, no soap,
no overall luxuries," quote-unquote. "So we decided to install toilet seats." And then they were having this major battle with mutated rats that are-
Wow
... uh, not, not getting affected anymore by the poison that-
Hmm
... people are leaving out. [laughs] So yeah.
Okay.
And then I, I was reading somewhere in Philadel- or that Philadelphia, that 25% of all homes in Philadelphia have experienced a rat in their house.
Ugh, grody.
Yeah.
Well, bring on the rat infestation. Bring on the bubonic plague.
Rats.
Rats.
Yeah.
James Blunt singing that song?
We got all kinds-
Rats
... we got all kinds of animals spreading sickness. What else was I hearing about? Was it cows? Screw worm?
Uh, you know, Mormon crickets are invading Idaho.
Yeah. Have you ever seen one of those?
No.
Y- google one up. They are disgusting.
I'm sure they are. They're insects.
They're huge, and they're so gross. They look like a mix between a, like a yellow jacket and a spider.
I do find it funny when people, uh, see stories like that, and then they freak out in the comments, going, "It's a sign of the end times."
Uh, it's like, "No, it's just bugs, all right? Bugs are out there."
They said there would be tons of critters popping up out of nowhere.
Hmm. Yeah.
Let me hunker down.
It's called springtime, [laughs] okay? Seen a few different, uh, critters out and about. Springtime, everybody. It's nice outside. The bugs come out.
Yeah, you can't tell me-
I wonder if you can put-
... the bugs are dying off, and then all of a sudden there's a Mormon cricket infestation. There's tons of bugs dying on the front of my car every time I drive to Pocatello, which is hardly ever, but when I do-
Well, it's-
... it's like I commit just ... I k- I just kill a whole bunch of bugs.
Well, what you should do, Peaches, is, uh, prepare the Mormon crickets. First you got to freeze them for 3 to 12 hours to humanely dispatch them.
Are you finding this at, at exoticmeatmarkets.com?
Uh, no, this is Google AI. And then you boil them for five minutes after removing the legs, wings, and heads, and, uh-
I have to dissect all of them?
Mm-hmm, and you, uh, pan f- foil them in oil. Pan fry them in oil until crispy and brown. Season with garlic salt, chili powder, or soy sauce. Mormon crickets.
Yeah
I'll, I'll have that as a n- as a nice side to my, uh, cui, my, my guinea pig that's flattened.
Ugh.
Deep-fried.
Yeah, they're so gross.
I bet that smells amazing.
So disgusting.
Deep-fried guinea pig and Mormon crickets. [cricket sounds]
Mmm, mmm, good.
Hello, my dinner.
Oh, geez, James Blunt's favorite meal. [upbeat music] It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. What's up, peaches?
If you were an NBA player, Victor-
[laughs]
... in an alternate universe-
Okay
... you somehow played basketball-
Yeah
... and you got traded to a random team
for a second round pick, how, how pissed off would you be?
'Cause a second round pick ... Does that-
Like, like usually the star players are traded for a ton of other players from the other team.
Yeah.
Like Giannis Antetokounmpo-
Okay
... got traded to the Miami Heat for all these players that were on the Heat, they got traded to Milwaukee.
Okay.
I was just reading all these different trades, and I'm thinking, like,
what, what if I was a player that just got traded to, like, Detroit for a second round pick and some cash?
That would really hurt my self-esteem, I feel like.
Would it? So-
'Cause it, that, that just means you're a crap player-
Hmm
... that you're worth a second round pick, not even a, a, a legitimate player. Like, it's like, oh-
Hmm
... in the future you're gonna have this young kid join your team in the second round,
not the first.
Do they give you pretty-
The second round
... do they give you pretty good money?
I mean, all the NBA players are s- significantly overpaid.
Well, all right, then-
So, I mean-
... I'd probably take it 'cause you're not gonna have to play
Well, the NBA has-
You just sit there and collect the check
... has gone way downhill, where these players are either demanding $200 million contract extensions-
Wow
... or they're just going, "I'm not gonna play for this team anymore until you trade me and I, or sign me for more money."
Well, I guess if they can get away with it. What if we could do that around here?
Ugh.
I'm gonna trade me to down the road, Jade. Give me more money.
Trade me to the pick.
That's right. [laughs]
Ew.
You get to-
What if radio worked like that? Instead of the iHeart layoffs it was just-
Trades?
... it was trades.
Yeah. Get, uh, you know, one Shaggy and one Roper for one of me. [laughs]
That'd be the saddest thing ever. That'd be like a third round pick.
[laughs] Yeah.
Which doesn't exist.
No offense, Shaggy.
I, I don't think ... [laughs] I don't think that, that, that round gets televised.
Oh, geez.
Yeah.
Yeah, that, that would be pretty bad. But I'd do it for a fat enough check. I'll do whatever.
Sure.
Give me some money.
Oh, you're, so you're, you're saying you could do
anything.
Okay, maybe not anything.
[laughs]
But-
There, there was, there was that position that we talked about yesterday with dating.com, the chief breakup officer.
Chief breakup officer.
Where you just, you would give the news to that person.
I think I could do that.
Say, they're like, "Hey." Well, how would you, how would you approach it, Victor? So let- like let's say-
Okay
... somebody's significant other wants to break up with them but they're, they're too squeamish to do it themselves, so they hire you, and it's a remote part-time gig.
All right. I- is it a guy getting dumped or a girl?
It's a guy getting dumped.
Okay. So we'll call him Jim.
Okay. So l-
So Jim-
... liberal Jim is getting broken up with
... liberal Jim's getting dumped by his conservative girlfriend that he was looking for.
Conservative Carrie.
Conservative Carrie. So
you, you let it ring,
and you be, you be liberal Jim.
Okay. Okay.
[imitates phone ringing]
Hello?
Uh, hi. Is this liberal Jim?
Uh, yes it is.
Hey, remember when I told you it was a bad idea to try to date a conservative girl if you're a liberal-
Uh
... liberal Jimmy?
We talked before?
Yeah, we talked before, liberal Jim. This is Victor from K-Bear. I'll just go ahead and tell you who I am. You're getting dumped, liberal Jim.
Wh- wh- wh- wh- why?
Because you're liberal Jim and you're trying to date a conservative.
I know, but I, I thought-
It's a stupid move
... we, we've been dating for the past six months. What are you-
Well, she doesn't like you. She just found herself, uh-
I bet it's, I bet it's that Republican Rick fella.
Republican Rick. That's right. He wears all red. Yeah.
He has a lifted truck.
Has a lifted truck.
Gosh.
He has a red hat.
Conservative Carrie did not like my Prius.
Nope. Sorry, liberal Jim, you're dumped. You're a loser.
Oh.
So why don't you go cry about it somewhere else.
[fake crying]
Yeah, there you go. Bye bye. Give me my money. Give me my money, conservative Carrie. [laughs]
That, that was great.
All right. Okay.
That was good.
Was that pretty good?
Yeah, yeah. So that was-
Liberal Jim, you're dumped.
So what, you would just say, "You're, you're dumped," and that was it? That's it?
Yeah. Yeah. I'd just get straight to the point. You're dumped.
Would you deliver it like one of those soldiers that comes to your house and says, "Hey, your, your loved one died," in the-
A telegram?
Yeah.
Yeah. I got this telegram. Uh, liberal Jim, you've been dumped.
[laughs] Stop.
Stop.
[laughs]
In more ways than one. Stop.
Stop. [upbeat music]
It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. And what's up, peaches?
I'm telling you with how picky people are now, GTA VI is gonna be complained about until the end of time.
Oh, yeah. It's al- already begun. You know, there was first that they're not gonna put a disc in the box.
Which is rather dumb.
I, I agree. It's stupid. I want the disc in the box.
The price of the game, also ridiculous.
Hmm.
I'm not paying 80 bucks for a game. Sorry, not sorry.
I would pay 80 bucks for Red Dead 2. I think it's a long enough game with enough content. It's worth it. When you look at ... Like I play, or paid, I think, 70 bucks for Resident Evil: Requiem, and it, it was a really, really good game.
I'll get the clown makeup on your face soon.
Yeah. But, uh, heck, I've shown you the receipts from back when I was a kid. Mortal Kombat 3, Super Nintendo, 70 bucks, and that game lasts, what, 30 minutes? Yeah. I, I'd pay 80 for GTA VI. But then what I saw today is that to get access to, like, every store in the game you have to buy the Ultimate Edition, which is $100.
I just saw this, "GTA VI looks set to introduce a new loadout feature instead of allowing players to carry unlimited guns. The Ultimate Edition mentions weapon lockers that let you customize your loadout for any occasion."
See, what I kinda figured they were gonna do was something sorta like Red Dead 2.
That's what everyone's saying in the comments, "So, like Red Dead Redemption 2."
Yeah, where, like, you'll keep your guns in your trunk or something, kinda like you keep 'em on your horse, and then you can only carry so much with you when you're on foot. That, that's my best guess. Um- But we haven't seen any gameplay. I'm surprised they didn't drop a trailer today.
Uh, tons of people-
You know, a gameplay trailer
... are on Reddit going like, "What if this game sucks?"
What if it does? I mean-
And I-
... I have pretty high hopes. I've, I've got pretty good faith in Rockstar. But
I mean, you never know. All good things come to an end. MySpace was great for a long time, then they screwed it up. There have been many game franchises where they, they dropped the ball.
Call of Duty.
Call of Duty, yeah. You just never know. Super Meat Boy, they had a good thing going, and then they-
Saints Row also turned weird too. That was like-
Yeah
... a GTA copycat, and then all of a sudden you're, like, fighting ogres and aliens and-
Mm-hmm
... it's all cartoony.
Yeah. So I've, again, got really high hopes and expectations for this game. I hope they don't screw it up. I mean, has Rockstar made bad games-
I, I-
... in a long time?
I'm predicting that Rockstar is going to do this thing where,
uh, the Ultimate Edition is where you can have control of the music being played in your car. Like, you can connect your Spotify or whatever.
God, I hope so. 'Cause if there's one thing I don't like about GTA, it's the radio stations.
But the GTA radio stations are some of the best things ever.
I disagree. I think the playlists suck. You know? Th- maybe San Andreas it was pretty good, but after that, mm. GTA V had the worst radio stations-
[laughs]
... aside from, uh, the Talk. You know, if it's Talk, I was cool with it. But the, the music playlists, I'm like, "This is trash."
Oh. Well, I, I, I, I on- I only listened to Los Santos Rock Radio.
Yeah.
Only listened to that.
And it was wh-
Baker Street, Danger Zone.
Yeah. Yeah. Come on, guys. Get with the times. It's not the '80s anymore.
But again, it's more so DJ centric. You're sounding like a K-Bar listener.
Yeah.
Going like, "Oh, play some more music." It's like, well, it's more... Like, you're more wanting to hear the humor of the commercials, actually-
Yeah, that's the-
... on GTA
... that's the good part.
Yeah.
But put some good songs in the mix.
They also had a punk channel, too. That was pretty fun.
Yeah. Yeah. Again, niche. A niche channel. Nobody wanna hear no punk music.
[laughs]
It all sounds the same. [laughs]
It does all sound the same, to be quite honest with you.
Just kidding, punk rock fans.
No, no, but it's true though.
A lot of it does sound the same.
You can't convince me, like, "Oh, this band is so much better than this other punk band," but they both sound the same.
Yeah. Yeah. And I, I like a lot of punk music. I like shows, but I'm not gonna turn on punk music, 'cause I'll get bored of it within, like, 20 minutes.
I'm the same way with black metal.
Yeah.
I can't do it.
Black metal, unless it's Emperor, I can't go too long.
I still can't. [laughs]
It's gotta be, like, top notch black metal, like the best of the best. There's a lot of horrible black metal. It sounds bad and it is bad.
Even trying to listen to, uh, Deafheaven, I'm like, "I can't."
Yeah, Deafheaven's another one that, uh, you know, hit-and-miss for me, for sure. Won't be listening to that today with, uh, the urge for nap time that has, it just infected me all day long. Need to take a look at the tasks I need to get done. It's Thursday, Peaches. Little late in the week. Ugh.
You gotta go to bed at 7:00 PM tonight.
I should. I should. I'll try.
Just tell Becca, "Hey, do your own thing. I'm going to bed."
Bye-bye, going to sleep.
Yeah.
[upbeat music] This is the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem.
You know the, uh, World Cup of soccer's happening.
Yeah.
Which if you do wanna fall asleep, just watch that sport.
[laughs] Yeah, I'll bet.
One of the worst sports of all time. I don't care what anybody says, soccer just sucks.
It's pretty much basketball, but kicking.
No.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
Basketball, at least there's scoring, there's dunking, there's aggressiveness. This is just a bunch of, like, sissy boys kicking a ball, and then they get touched, "Ah." And then they fall to the-
[laughs]
... fall to the grass, you know? Bend it like Beckham. "Ah." You know?
Oh, geez.
The score's one-nothing-
[laughs]
... after 90 minutes of watching that crap.
Ugh.
But anyway, all these, uh, I- international fans are coming to the United States-
Mm-hmm
... to watch the World Cup, and they're experiencing America for the ver- for the first time ever.
Yeah.
This Japanese soccer fan was so blown away by free chips and salsa [laughs] at the, the restaurant that she had to post about it.
That reminds me of a little bit I heard on a recent Pas Ne- Patton Oswalt special where some guy went off on an airplane for about two hours 'cause they gave him a free beer for, like, giving up his seat. And everyone on the plane, like, wanted to kill this guy 'cause he wouldn't shut up about his free beer.
[laughs]
"Can you believe it? They gave me a free beer. I can't believe it." [laughs]
This person wrote, "USA, a Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything and the food was already arriving. Chips, salsa, unrequested, free. I stopped the waiter. We have not earned these."
[laughs]
"They just come with the table, man. They come with the table. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling."
Yeah.
"Here the gift arrives before you, you have even proven you can pay for dinner."
Had, had they learned about American tipping culture yet?
Oh, yeah. There's a lot of, uh, fans-
[laughs]
... that are really pissed off about that.
Told that.
They're going to bars and restaurants and going, "What is this mandatory tip?"
Yeah.
And then they're just screaming at the bartenders who need to live off those tips.
Be like, "Well, this is America. We don't like to pay people. We have the customers do it." [laughs]
Right. I did see a video of a bunch of different, uh, World, World Cup fans going to Chili's.
Ah.
And they're, and they're experiencing mozzarella sticks by pulling them apart. "Whoa."
[laughs]
That just shows how bad our food must be, dude, if they're over here like, "Whoa, this is cool."
How bad it must-
I've never seen deep-fried cheese.
Or how good our food is.
I-
Yeah
... I haven't been to Chili's in quite a long time.
The heck did I eat at lunchtime? Oh, no, I went and got some breakfast.
[laughs]
I was like, "I haven't even been to lunch." No, I did grab a breakfast sandwich 'cause I wasn't feeling very nice.
Wait till they find out about the Crunchwrap Supreme.
Oh, take 'em to the bell.
A Mountain Dew Baja Blast.
[laughs]
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm jealous of them. They get to experience all of this stuff for the first time ever.
Yeah.
It's quite crazy.
Yeah, it would be pretty interesting. One of these days I need to get out of the US and experience somewhere other than Mexico. I, I liked Mexico. It was cool.
I wanted to get my passport, but it was almost $200.
It, uh, is a bit pricey, right?
And I'm like, "Why would I even do that when I have no plans to go anywhere besides... Hey, I'm going back to Southern California to be with my family."
There you go. Go to Tijuana.
Oh, geez.
Cruise on down south.
No, thank you.
Go to Tijuana.
Yeah. That's, that's the place I wanna go to, Tijuana, Mexico.
Yeah, dude, it's fun. Good food.
Good for you.
It's good food, cheap. You know, armed guards all over the place. [laughs]
Yay. I'm protected. [upbeat music]
The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com.
[upbeat music]