Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The Smoke Trail, hosted by Smoke Wallin, is a journey into awakening consciousness, weaving authentic stories and deep discussions with inspiring guests to unlock high performance and perfect health. Each episode delves into spirituality, leadership, and transformation, offering tools to transcend trauma and find your bliss along the way. It’s a reflective space for achieving peak potential and inner peace in a distraction-filled world.
Welcome to the Smoke Trail hosted by Smoke Wallin. Join Smoke on a unique journey of awakening consciousness, sharing authentic stories and deep discussions with inspiring guests. Explore spirituality, leadership, and transformation, tools to elevate your path.
Smoke:Zee. Yes. Welcome to the Smoke Trail.
Zi:Thank you. We
Smoke:are in beautiful Washington DC, wrapping up the YPO GLC Mhmm. Which has been a crazy couple of days, but 1,300 of our closest friends who are CEOs from around the world. And you and I are both here as coaches for Leaders Across Borders, the lab speakers.
Zi:Mhmm.
Smoke:I think it's really cool that we met a year ago in Istanbul Yeah. Doing our own talks.
Zi:Yeah.
Smoke:And those experiences for each of us were, you know, life changing, I think, in in many ways. And, independently, I reached out to YPO, you reached out to YPO and said, hey, I'd like to help this year's speakers. So we're here as coaches to the lab speakers, which I think is really Yeah,
Zi:it's been really awesome, to be honest, to share these moments with the new cohorts, right? And for me, last year was very impactful. I think when first decided to do this and to share my personal story, I had never shared ever before, and then finding out that, okay, I had to be in front of 1,500 CEOs and all of them, like, giving me ten minutes of their time, full attention for me to share my story and with the intention to inspire. So my first thought was, is my story impactful? Is my story enough, big enough for people to be inspired?
Zi:Yeah. And so I had to go through a lot of questioning around this, right, and doubts, and question whether, did I make the right decision? Should I have said yes? Maybe I should have said no? Yeah.
Zi:In the end, so there was like a lot of like back and forth in doubt, and I think, you know, for me, that's when you It was maybe one of the first realizations around, like, why is it so scary for me to do this? Where is this coming from? So, I guess it pushed me also into starting to question that state that I was in. So, I mean, it's just a simple, you know, it's ten minutes, just tell us your story, and that's it.
Smoke:Yeah, no big But
Zi:then, you get in your head, and then you start to think, hold on, so what if people don't like my story? What if people don't understand me? What if they think it's not inspiring enough? What if they question why is this person on stage?
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:All the what ifs. Right? And so it got into my head. And, of course, what if the delivery? And then you'd start to look at all the bad scenarios.
Zi:And
Smoke:tell me, you see, for me, it was the first time telling that story in any kind of public setting. Yeah. Was that your experience too? Was this the really first time you kind of got in front of a group and said, and told your whole story of, you know, your Yeah.
Zi:Yeah. Definitely. And so, I mean, even parts of my story itself, I had kept a secret for years. Yeah. So, now to, like, coming out with it and, like, all of a sudden doing it with a stage that big with so many people and, like, with, like, the level of professionalism, it it did like, it was definitely a scary step for me.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Yeah. A %.
Smoke:Yeah. But you you brought down the house. You did a steady rotation.
Zi:Yes.
Smoke:It was fantastic. Was beautiful. The love we got after the event after the talks and, you know, going into the evening was overwhelming. Yeah. It was.
Smoke:Like, so much energy and emotion. Yeah. And and I know you've shared with me, you know, and I think we've, we've shared with some of the other speakers that, you know, it was, we didn't realize it at the time. I didn't realize it at the, I'll speak for myself. I didn't realize at the time that, you know, it was part of my healing journey is getting up in front of people and telling telling part of my story.
Smoke:And and I didn't even understand that really fully. And now it's also manifested into being part of other people's healing journeys as it brought out people sharing their stories with me in many cases. So Yeah. It's been pretty wild.
Zi:Same for me, to be honest. I think, like I said, I took it as an opportunity for me to understand where I am in my journey, and I do believe that nothing is coincidence and there's a reason, like we're sitting here, there's a reason I was asked to do this. And so I'm sitting there and trying to write this story and trying to ask myself, like, what do I want people to know? Or what should they learn? Right?
Zi:And which was completely the wrong way of going about it, it's like what do I want them to have as a takeaway? And to me, the end, wasn't about that, it was really about me just authentically sharing my story with the hopes that people might pick up one or two things that might be useful for them. Yeah. And if not, then that's okay as well. And so, I think, yeah, to get there it was like a journey with lots of bumps and, you know, but
Smoke:I I relate. Well, let's for this if I give the audience, we're gonna link to your talk so people can hear, like, your actual live, you know, energetic on stage. But for just for the for this group, just so we we give them perspective, you know, can you give me the highlights? So, you know, what what like, your journey is incredible. You were a child tennis star, like, golden child winning tournaments and just nothing could go wrong.
Smoke:You were on your way, on your journey to kind of join joining the professional circuit, and everything was going away. Yeah. And all of a sudden, you hit a wall. Yeah. We we share a little
Zi:of Sure. What
Smoke:happened and Yeah. Know,
Zi:and Yeah.
Smoke:They know what what we're talking about.
Zi:Yeah. No. Definitely. I think it's I think my my my journey or my story is of a constant reinvention. I'd like to think of myself now as somebody who's lived multiple lives in one lifetime, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna live more lives.
Zi:And I mean, I did, yeah, all my life, well, at least up until I was 18 years old, like everything I knew was revolving around tennis and sports and competition and studying hard and just getting the best grades and getting the winning the tournaments and training hard and so on and so I grew up with that mindset where my dad told me, you know, like, if you train hard and you study hard, it's gonna pay off. This guaranteed.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Right? So that was the belief for the programming that I grew
Smoke:up And this was Morocco?
Zi:This was in Morocco.
Smoke:Okay. You grew up in Morocco? Yeah. Grew Morocco and
Zi:Yeah. A hundred percent with an athletic family. My dad is was a soccer player as well. Very passionate about soccer. And then my my older brother also was a tennis player.
Zi:He didn't make it into the Pro, but he played a lot of tournaments as well, and he was he played college tennis in The US. And so, of course, you know, it got to a point where very early on in my teenagehood, I was already making it at the top of my continent. So I was among the best in Africa, the best in the Arab countries. I was already the best in Morocco for so many years that the only logical kind of next step from your transition was to now go and try to do it in a much bigger scale, and so US was the place for us. So that's when my parents, they made a decision to ship me off to The US, in a country where I was 13 and I didn't speak a word of English.
Smoke:Oh, easy. Mean, I'm %.
Zi:Like, they weren't even with me, like, moved in with my brother who was in university, and now I'm in a school that I don't recognize, I don't know anybody there, no friends, nothing, and they speak a language that I don't understand, and the culture is completely different.
Smoke:Yeah, And we we tell the screwdrivers because Yeah. Your brother armed you Yeah. For your first day of school. Right?
Zi:He did. Yes.
Smoke:He was looking out for you. Yes. Big big brother shit.
Zi:Yeah. He did. He did. Yeah. But, you know, like, was responsible of me now.
Zi:Right? So my dad, he, you know, he kind of, like, made sure to tell him, listen, like, she's now under your jurisdiction. Like, you make sure she's safe. You make sure she's well fed. Yeah.
Zi:You make sure she goes to school, all of that. And so first day of school, my brother had to take the bus and and my brother I don't know what went into his mind but out of like protection and safety, obviously the best intention, he decided to put a screwdriver in my backpack on my way to school. So I mean, I didn't pick up on that, I don't think I registered because I was so focused on my first day at school. And so I get to the school and where I come from, there are no metal detectors, there are no dog sniffing, none of that, like, at the entrance of the So that was the first kind of, like, culture shock for me because I show up and I'm like, why? Am I at the airport?
Zi:Like, it felt really, like, didn't make sense.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Of course, I forgot about it, I walk in and then, of course, naturally, the detector goes boom boom and then like, now everybody tells me to stop, security comes and now I don't know what to say, I'm 13, I can't speak English and they're like, okay, they put me aside, start to search my bag, they asked me if I had anything, I said no because I generally forgot about the screwdriver and then eventually, the security man just, like, pulls out the screwdriver and he was like, what is this? And so I obviously, like, I didn't even know how to say to how to explain that my brother had put that. The only thing that came out of my mouth was like with all the anxiety and tied to it was this is my brother and then he just looked at me like okay I don't know what's happened with this girl, she's so it was a very stressful.
Smoke:Quite the entrance to your new A
Zi:%. I mean, now we laugh about it but at the time
Smoke:It was everybody.
Zi:Yeah, was very stressful because I'm like, oh my god, now everybody's gonna think I'm this weirdo from Africa showing up with a screwdriver, like why? So there was a lot of fun. Then of course, yeah, like living in The US in high school, having to learn how to adapt also to other people. And from a very young age, having to start to learn how to represent, like I didn't realize that's what I was doing, I was representing an entire continent and population. So not just the African community or the North African, but also the Arab community.
Zi:And then of course, in the world where we live in, there's a lot of I don't know what's the right word for it, like predisposed ideas on people and this and that. And so I wasn't ready for that, obviously. So I used to get all kinds of questions where, you know, around Morocco or where it was and tell us about Africa and it doesn't make sense that you're not black and, you know, and is everybody in Morocco tall, like I used to get all kinds of questions that didn't make sense to me and then, and of course there are people asking questions about the Arab lineage and what does it mean and so connecting it with religion which is not necessarily the case. So I think with everything that was happening also in our society, I had to learn how to blend in. So I learned how to be, just kind of blend with the environment, and just be with everyone, so to the point that people wouldn't be able to recognize or tell where I'm from even.
Zi:And so to mask it as much as possible because I just wanted to fit in. Then fast forward, of course, get to I did really well in tennis, obviously, this is the land of opportunities and I had, like, The US gave me a lot, honestly, on that and it turned out, yeah, if you study hard and you train hard, it does pay off
Smoke:here.
Zi:And so I started getting all kinds of opportunities. I got into, like, I won the state championship as well. And then by the end of 18, I graduated valedictorian of my school. And then on top, so, yeah, like, I learned English eventually, ultimately. And I had, like, full scholarships pretty much anywhere I wanted in The US.
Zi:Yeah. Which was really, really cool, like head coaches were trying to convince me all that, like, to just pick their schools. So I decided to go to college, university, do that, and then fast forward, I think this is the part where probably the first time in my life I had that big challenge or that thing that just didn't make sense.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And I guess that's the part where, that's when like time stopped for me. And what happened is, it's always tough to talk about it, like, in this moment because I always wonder, like, if I I I I know it's it's interesting that this is happening because I'm, what's the politically correct way to say things. Right?
Smoke:Can say whatever you want. I mean be just be honest, how what happened? When you got you hit a you hit a wall. Yeah.
Zi:I hit a wall. Mean yeah. I mean, what happened is nine eleven happened.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And as as far as as removed as I was from that, so far from it, somehow it turned out I wasn't so far from it. And just because of the country where I was born, and the language, the original language that I spoke, it put me in a position where now I'm associated with horrible things that are happening and I'm sure a lot of people had the same. So it changed a lot of things to people like me and to others as well. I think the whole country and the whole world turned into a place of fear. Yeah.
Zi:And when you're scared, when you're fearful now, obviously what happens is you start to shut doors, start to close-up, you start to Yeah, constrict. Exactly. And that's what happened. Mhmm. So, that's when I I, all of a sudden, I I had to I couldn't I I couldn't stay in The US, so I wasn't allowed to stay, I wasn't allowed to continue my dream, I wasn't allowed to
Smoke:You lost your visa and they basically made you leave?
Zi:Yeah, I lost my I went back home for just a quick change of status, like a formality that I was doing but Yeah, the experience, you know, like and and this is something probably that's very important to raise, because I think not a lot of people understand it, and for two reasons. I feel like for those that go through it, it's about just for them to understand that they're not alone, there's a lot of people that go through it, and those that don't have to, I think it's about understanding the privilege that they have. And so, I go back home and then, you know, when that process of the visa request is probably one of the most stressful things you can ever do. You're put in a room where everybody's anxious, everybody's because this is their life, we're talking about, they're trying to go somewhere for a better life, they're trying to progress and improve, have opportunities outside for themselves and for their families. So here I am, I'm standing in front of an officer, we have this glass wall between us, and we had to use a telephone, and I always picture that like a prison scene movie, every It's there every time I see it, it feels like that.
Zi:I'm like, there it is, the the visa.
Smoke:Yeah. You're not in nice room at a table or something. You're literally behind glass.
Zi:Exactly. Jeez. And and you're there and you're like, of course, even if you haven't done anything, definitely feel the tension because you're from everyone else and you're feeling the energy from everybody. So there I was and it was the first time I walked in there as an adult because I was 18, so I was no longer underage and my parents weren't with me for the first time.
Smoke:Right.
Zi:So I'm thinking I've done this a million times, is gonna be easy. But it wasn't. Yeah. It was the complete opposite and then I was rejected the visa and I was actually they revoked the one I had also and I was told that I couldn't go back to The US until I was 90 years old.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Right now, I'm standing in shock looking at that officer, not knowing what to say. And all I had was my scholarship papers and all the newspaper pictures and articles about me. I'm just looking at the officer, just literally begging him, and I'm asking him to just please, just understand, just explain it to me. I remember it, was really looking at him, I'm asking him, is my future. I don't even know what to do after And and and he said, leave.
Smoke:I
Zi:don't care. And and and just like that, my life was over.
Smoke:Yeah. So everything you had poured everything into it. You you were on a fast track for the the professional tour, you know, and college, every everything else, and everything got shut down. And then, you know, you went through, you know, a grieving process, you went through a retrenchment, you your life changed, you Yeah. Gave up tennis?
Zi:I did. Yeah. Yeah. I yeah. It was rough because, of course, like, I I went through a different stages, I guess, of grief or whatever you want to call But for me, of course, it was shock at first.
Zi:Then, of course, trying to denial, then of course I see my family, my parents also kind of going through the same. Then I realize actually nobody can do anything about it. So now I feel stuck, then the sadness kicks in and then of course the anger comes in afterwards because like why is this happening? And so, at that moment I start to question everything, anything that's ever been taught to me. So, I go back to that moment where it's I was told, train hard and work hard, it's gonna pay off.
Zi:Yeah. But now, I look at my dad's face and I tell him, well, fix this, explain this to me then. Yeah. So, at what point did I fail? Why is this happening to me?
Smoke:Mhmm.
Zi:And it didn't matter what I was told at the time, just wasn't hearing it because I was feeling the immense sadness and of course, like, right into deep I was feeling like a victim. Yep. And I felt like a victim, 100%. I was a victim at that And so of course, the only way yeah, I go through depression for a while, then eventually, like, what eventually I I mean, there's a series of events that kind of, like, brought me back, but one of the main ones was realizing also that I am privileged, understanding that there are other people that had it much worse, that regardless of the situation, you still have to make the most out of it. And so I needed to learn how to cope, and I started doing a lot of community service, social work, and I guess that power of giving actually brought me back into life as well, and of course the support of my family, and I may have needed to be shaken for a little bit.
Zi:There was one scene or one moment, I would say, where it involved my dad giving me a slap just to kind of physically wake me up because I was just completely numb for a while. And then after that, I just decided, yeah, I'm gonna reinvent myself, it's gonna be a completely different version of me, I just changed identity. So I decided to, like that's it, I threw away my papers, I threw away my sports clothes, I broke my tennis rackets and I decided I was done. And I didn't even want to keep an athletics body. I tried to get fat actually, like for a while and I just said, know what, I'm gonna do all the things I wasn't allowed to do or I wasn't doing before.
Zi:Yeah. Because, yeah, what's the point? And I wanna be different now.
Smoke:Mhmm.
Zi:And so, and of course, the other thing is I didn't wanna be recognized anymore, so I had to change, cut my hair, so that was it, like I didn't want to get all the the looks anymore because I was getting that constantly also on the national level and was all over the news, but it wasn't helping me in any way because nothing was changing at the end. I was told that I just had to be patient and just to wait. But try telling that to an 18 year old who's hungry for a career and has done everything and you're like, no no, we're going take this away from you and we're just going to wait and exile for and we don't know how long it's going to take, but you're just going to have to wait. So that situation of the unknown killed me.
Smoke:Yeah. Alright. Well, let's fast forward. Yep. And you you now live a whole totally different life.
Zi:You've Yeah.
Smoke:Changed your life. You've given up tennis and everything. You go on you you fall in love. You get married. You you you're off on a different life path.
Smoke:And then one day, you wake up and say, you know what? I'm not done with tennis. Yeah. Yeah. What the heck happened?
Smoke:And then they're like, hey. Give it bring bring the story full circle because that's crazy. Yeah. And then I wanna talk about a few other things, but, like Yeah. Give us that.
Zi:Yeah. That one is like yeah. Definitely. So I'm I moved forward with my life. Right?
Zi:And then eventually, at some point, I meet my husband and he was already on a path of personal development. Meeting him obviously was not a coincidence. So when we met, he put me also on the track again of personal development. So I had lost my way, right, at some point, and then he brought me back to it. And so, in that moment, there was a series of events, like I started going to retreats that were personal development type and events, and I think it was a series of conversations, and then I realized something that if I'm gonna be working on myself, I need to go back and revisit what happened.
Zi:So it's time for me to go back and see what was going on. And I always felt like something was not complete.
Smoke:Yeah. You had unresolved issues, you know, in your energy body, which was like you had this thing that got stopped mid mid mid action. Right? Yeah. And then you just left it.
Smoke:Yeah. And so you you had somehow, like, that was gonna get resolved one way or another. Yeah. And, you know, so you bought you now you brought it to back to your awareness. Right?
Zi:Yeah. Yeah. And it was for me, it it always felt like an unfinished story. Mhmm. And I hated the ending because every time I would or somebody would ask about tennis or whether I played or this or that, it always ended with why used to do this and then they asked, what happened?
Zi:Is it an injury? Is it this? Is it that? And I'm like, well and I hated having to say that and having it like end there. And so of course, like, at that point now, I'm 31 and I'm thinking
Smoke:Over the hill.
Zi:Yeah. Exactly, like people retire at that age and I'm talking and my husband's telling me like, well now that you're not, you know, like, had moved to Switzerland at that time and I was kind of like in transition from a career perspective and he says, this is the perfect time, Maybe you should sit with it and do something different. And then, we did this exercise where I just had a piece of paper, writing out all the things that I want to do because, like, don't do the things because you have to. Just do the things that like, now you have time to think, and and just see what is it that you're passionate about. And I go ahead, and I and I write down, and then he takes a pen, and he writes tennis.
Zi:And I laugh at him at first, and I'm like, yeah, sure. But then, you know, it's like the idea was already seeded, because it wasn't from me, he wrote it down, that means it was already there. So now I'm thinking, okay, this is crazy. So I go, then I think the moment where I decided I was gonna do it was I had a trip in California and I met with somebody who knew me from who knew the old me.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And who I hadn't met in twelve years, so since the incident. And he sees me and then he's a tennis coach, amazing guy, and he sees me and he goes, you know, I haven't seen you in twelve years. Last time I saw you, you were, like, killing it. We have to go back on the court. And he's he's a head coach of a a a really big academy in California.
Zi:So I'm like, no way, I can't, like, don't have the body for it anymore. That's it. He's like, no, no, Of all times, like, we have to do it. I jump on the court, we play, it was super awkward, I was frustrated, of course, like, all these, like, emotions. I'm like, I can't do it.
Zi:So I walk out, and then I had this beautiful moment with this high school teacher who didn't know me, but she knew my story apparently from the head coach. Yeah. And then she comes to me the next day, and she gives me this bag full of little goodies, and those goodies said it was like an over grip for the tennis racket, all these type of little things, tennis related, And then she had a little notebook, and she wrote something on it for me. So it was like a mini journal, and it was something around changing you can always take ownership of your story, no matter what. And she just left it there, and I haven't met this person ever since.
Zi:So I only met her that one time, she brought that back to me and left.
Smoke:And
Zi:now I'm thinking, okay, and that really touched me. And with the head coach who was there and he told me, listen, I don't have any dog in this fight. So if you do decide to go back to tennis, just so you know, you can still do it. Now, it's not going to be easy, but there's nothing that's stopping you from doing it. And I thought, okay.
Zi:Yeah, and all the way, like the drive back to the airport and then the trip back home, I was thinking and reflecting on it, and then I looked at Luigi, my husband, and I told him, okay, fine. If I'm gonna do this, either 100% or nothing at all. Yeah. And I said, the only thing that's gonna make me feel better about the story, that's gonna make it fair, is if I go back to the pro circuit, nothing less than being back on the professional circuit. Anything else than, you know, like playing for fun, all that is like, I don't know how to play for fun.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:So I need to go back exactly there. And so, yeah, like two weeks later, we're hunting for an academy or a team that would be willing to accept me, turned out is not easy. Yeah. So I have a lot of no's from people because they just didn't know where where to start get started
Smoke:with Yeah. They didn't know what to make of you.
Zi:And it's never been done before, so there is no blueprint for this. They don't know how to work with a 30 year old woman who hasn't been, who hasn't even walked for twelve years.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And now she wants to go on the pro circuit of tennis. Like, even tennis changed since then, right? Yeah. And so, so at that point now, I'm like, going at it, reopening Pandora's box, stepping on the court, I'm going from zero to six hours of trainings a day, four hours of fitness, two hours of tennis. And I'm training with kids half my age, everybody's 15, and I'm there, the grandma was trying to make it to the circuit, and I can barely walk on the court.
Zi:Every day I cried. Every day. I was crying for the first seven months, literally crying every day. I mean, people are supposed to be happy after training.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:I I just I mean and I was miserable every day because all the demons, everything just, like, showed up.
Smoke:Yeah. And What kept you going, though? Like, you you didn't have to do it.
Zi:Yeah. I I couldn't stop. I couldn't I couldn't take the I felt like stopping would make it worse.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:I was like, I just I can't stop now. Yeah. And I remember my husband would tell me, you know, you can you can stop at any moment. Right. No one even knows you're doing this.
Zi:It's okay. But it didn't matter because it's not about what people know, right? This is me versus me. Mhmm. So I'm like, I don't know if I can live with myself knowing that now I can do something about it, and I'm I'm quitting so soon.
Zi:So I every day I was crying, and every day I was waking up the next day doing it again.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And I don't think I even thought it through. I just couldn't stop. And I didn't have any mental support. I didn't do any like nutrition support or any of that stuff. I just went in with full grit.
Zi:Mhmm. And I thought to myself, I can't be the one, like, pulling the plug on this.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Because back then, it was somebody else who told me, like, it's over.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Now if I do it, I just couldn't live with it.
Smoke:So eventually, you get start you start entering tournaments Yeah. And you climb your way back. Right? You get back. So how did how did this part of the story end?
Smoke:And I wanna talk a little bit about Yeah. Like
Zi:It's it ended with The
Smoke:bigger journey too.
Zi:Yeah. I mean, yeah, because it's all connected. Right? Yeah. Because for me to to go to the next phase or the for that next version of me to come out, I had to go back and revisit and face my demons.
Zi:My demons were everything that had happened to me. So on the court, was back into the eighteen year old, even my persona, my body, the way I was behaving, way I was talking to coaches, knowing that I was older than most of them.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:Like, it it it played a role and it was like, why am I being like this? And then on top, coming out of my shell again and and understanding that now it's my new identity, and that I need to take ownership of my life. Yeah. And I need to take ownership of my project as well, because I was so far letting somebody else, the coaches, everyone kind of lead it. Mhmm.
Zi:Then I realized, no, nobody knows you better than you. And that's one of the first realization is around, we're giving our power away to people constantly. We give it away to coaches, we give it away to doctors, we give it away to teachers,
Smoke:we give
Zi:away the And that's what I was doing once again, seeking the validation from other people, from the coach, from whatever. Well, it's not about that, it's about taking ownership of it, and then using it and getting the guidance from people, but in the end, you have to decide for yourself. And I had this constant I had a coach with whom I was working with a lot mentally, and he would ask me always, Are you doing this for appearance or for passion? Always ask yourself every step of the way, am I doing it for appearance, am I doing it for passion?
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And so I had to ask myself constantly with that. And then at that point now, mean, I break all this, you know, like the barriers, right? So anybody who ever says that you can't do something is bullshit. Anybody who says, no, you're too old, you're this, you're supposed to do that, is wrong. Only you can stop yourself from doing something and that's my biggest realization because I thought my body couldn't sustain training, but actually and I felt like I was breaking my body constantly, and I did drive myself all the way to organ failure.
Zi:And I do realize also, like, how powerful the mind is because I was doing it in the most negative mindset. Yeah. Every day I was having negative thoughts, and yet I was on the court. And by doing that, I made myself sick.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:So I started to get all the dark circles, adrenal fatigue, all the way going to this organ failure situation, not realizing that the reason why I was doing it, it's because my psyche, my mental, my soul was sick.
Smoke:Listen, that's one of those powerful things that anyone can understand, can learn from, is we are what we think. Yeah. We manifest our thoughts. And so while you had the passion to do it, you were in this negative mode and it was it was making you sick. That's that's amazing.
Smoke:So how did
Zi:it Yeah.
Smoke:How did it switch? I Once you took ownership back.
Zi:Exactly. So taking ownership was it was the moment where I was like, okay, this is my project. Yeah. How do I wanna run it?
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:What kind of support system do I need? Which resources could I get? And this is where I started, I discovered also the Ho'ponopono practice, which was really fun. Had never heard it before, and my coach actually, I remember the first time we were in a session and he tells me, after a training session, I was in tournaments, and he'll be like, okay, I want you to like, just start massaging your hand and say, thank you hand.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And I'm like, this is
Smoke:Yeah, it's like, thank you, I love you, thank you, love you, right? Yeah,
Zi:I forgive you, thank you, I love you, it's just the weirdest thing for me because I couldn't do it. Yeah. And he was like, just do it, and I'm like Yeah. And I couldn't say it out loud. Mhmm.
Zi:Because it and it started first, very just massaging yourself Yeah. And then gradually, start to learn how to do it. Because it's very difficult when you're in that negative thinking spiral. It's it feels so difficult to tell yourself positive things.
Smoke:Listen, we don't realize how powerful our self talk is, but many most people at some point in their life or along the way, growing up, they don't realize it, but they we are our worst critics and we're giving ourselves negative self talk all the time. Yeah. And that negative self talk, our subconscious doesn't know the difference between joking.
Zi:Yeah.
Smoke:Or real. So, you can say joke. So, you know, you you hit a bad golf shot and you say, oh, I'm terrible. Oh, you're you're you're you're terrible at golf. Well, your some conscious doesn't know the difference between you telling yourself that and you joking about it or saying it like that.
Smoke:Yeah. We've had this conversation with Harry, one of our speakers. Yep. Who would they gave a beautiful talk yesterday. It's an incredible story.
Smoke:Then we'll get Harry to come talk to us. He he was grew up homeless and and has a great success story, became a YPOer. But Harry was like, you know, he's got this beautiful story and then he was like badmouthing himself in front of us. And I was like, dude, you you're you're you can't do that. I I told him, get in front of the mayor, and I want you to tell yourself that you love you and that you're beautiful and you're successful.
Smoke:He said, I can't do that. Right? But that's the same thing.
Zi:Is. Yeah. Yeah. No. %.
Zi:I think it was yeah, it's just, it's tough when you're stuck there, when you're in that moment, it's so difficult to say positive things and like it takes a lot more work to say positive things Yeah. Than negative.
Smoke:How about yourself? Some people, they on the outside are being positive to other people, but they're they're just brutal on themselves. Yeah. It doesn't really work that way. If you're if you are negative to yourself, whatever you think you're doing positively to other people is actually not very effective.
Smoke:Like, you're you're not aligned with your higher self. You're not aligned with your internal and your energy reflects that. Right? You can't actually be there for other people if you're not there for yourself.
Zi:Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. No.
Zi:Definitely. And I think for me, starting so taking that ownership back and thinking, okay. I I need somebody to help me with like, how do I make my body work for me now? Mhmm. How do I learn how to work with myself and all these thoughts and everything?
Zi:How do I process all this stuff? Yeah. Because now I have all these things, and I don't know what to do with it. Mhmm. And so, getting the proper guidance and support was super important for me.
Zi:And then eventually, you see, even the transformation from my body, I got stronger than ever. I was in the best shape, like better than all the kids I was playing with. Yeah. And I was really on that track again to what my coach liked to call the Benjamin Button effect. And so now, to the point that I used to get asked out on the tour from kids, 16, 17 year olds, so like boys, they come and ask me out, and I'm like, how old do you think I am?
Zi:That it's not about and and this is not the power I say, oh, because I look younger, this or that, but it's about the energy. Yeah.
Smoke:It's the energy. It's the energy footprint. Yeah.
Zi:Exactly. Very cool. I even remember there was like the probably the funniest one was, it was a 16 year old girl, super sweet. I remember her coming to me. We're in Antalya for a big tournament, and she comes up to me and she says, After the tournament is over, I would love to invite you to come to aqua park with me.
Zi:And I was like, Okay, that sounded like a weird ask and she said, Well, my dad can take us. And I look at her and I'm thinking like, Sweetheart, I think I can take you and your dad. And I was like, you know, so But in that moment, I was like, Wow, okay, like this is very interesting that now all these kids, they see me that. And then the last, I mean, more anecdote that I had was one of the kids I was training with, he was a 15 year old boy, amazing Italian talent, we're in the car driving to the gym together for a workout session and then he asks me, he's thinking, and then he goes, See, I have a question for you. And I'm like, sure, shoot.
Zi:And he goes, so when this is over, like, your tennis career and everything, when you're done, will you go to college? Yeah. And so now I'm looking at him. So now I'm looking at him and I'm thinking, how old do you think I am?
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:You know, so I'm like, kind of like been there, done that type of situation. So, and it was super super fun to see like how kids and people were reacting to it and I think that's where the shift started even This is the part where you're, because I started to embody that new persona, new version of myself, people were reacting off of that energy that I was given off.
Smoke:And
Zi:by doing that, I became much stronger, and I feel like I was able to heal that wounded part, and accept the fact that I was actually not a victim. Yeah. And that was the biggest realization.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And like regaining the power back. So for me, going back on tour, so I, it's, it was about realizing that it wasn't about tennis. Yeah. But it was about personal development through the usage of tennis as a tool. Yeah.
Zi:Because a lot of people would put a focus on the tennis part only, and they'd ask me like, so, did you win any grand slams? Did you play with this? Did you do that? So, what else did you do? And it's not about that.
Zi:It's just that my journey involved sports, and involved tennis. So, in order to break free, and in order to heal from something, I needed to go back to whatever that thing that was connected to it. And for me, it was tennis. So, I used tennis as a tool to help me evolve and to help me get to the next stage and heal. And that's what it was for me.
Zi:And once I made that realization, I was no longer connected with the idea of Oh my God, like I was supposed to do something and it didn't. It was more like, actually, I was supposed to do it this way, it was supposed to happen that way. I wasn't a victim to what happened. I was supposed to learn my lessons and grow out of it. And today, I am stronger than ever, I'm well connected with my body, I've completed the round, and I don't feel like It felt like the journey was complete from that part of my life, and now I was ready for the step even stronger.
Smoke:Yeah. Well, you know, we we often go through experiences and we think something didn't go away. And then, later in retrospect, in context, we're like, oh, that was for me. You know, if you think about you, the precocious 18 year old that was a rock star winning everything, everything got on your way at that point in life.
Zi:Yeah. Pretty much.
Smoke:Except for the screwed everything. But everything else had been anyway. If had you, you know, who knows, right? But had you continued on and gone on the professional circuit, you know, you definitely would have been a different person than you are today. Right?
Smoke:You have a, a level of humility and maybe compassion for other people's challenges that maybe you would have had a hard time recognizing or experiencing had you not had a big challenge and a big derailment from your your original life plan.
Zi:Yeah. Definitely. %. I I couldn't have said any better.
Smoke:Yeah. Percent. Alright. So let's let's pivot a little bit because they can hear more of your story and it's very public and you you gave a great talk about it. I'm really interested in alright, we were in Istanbul.
Smoke:We we both along with two other beautiful people gave our personal journeys. You gave yours, I gave mine. We had we had two others. And we were talking about it. It's kind of it was kind of life changing in a way.
Smoke:It was like the first time we got out in public and talked about this journey and the story. And it was transformational internally because it was it was literally like, how do we process this? How do we talk about it? How do we think about it? But it was not really for everyone else.
Smoke:It was for us. And I know, you know, in the year since we've been almost a year since we were together, you guys were joking and saying, what happened to him talking about me? Yeah. Things changed. Right?
Zi:Yes.
Smoke:I think things changed too, but it's, you know, you're you're you. Right? We're each ourselves. So it's sometimes a little bit hard to recognize it. Right?
Smoke:But it's kind of an interesting moment in time. But for me, you know, my journey has continued and I continue to focus on understanding what we're this world we're in, understanding how to align heart, mind, soul and and how I can talk about what I've been experiencing. And as a result, that's, you know, this show came out of that. I mean, the the smoke trail is kind of a, you you asked me why'd you do this? Felt like I I was doing little tidbits in the trail.
Smoke:I was told someone about this and they kept asking me like, are we gonna do this? And I was like, why why am I waiting? Like, why am I delaying this? And, I really wanted to bring these topics of discovery, realization, you know, spirituality to the forefront for an audience that maybe is less comfortable talking about it. So, our peers, CEOs Yeah.
Smoke:People that run businesses all over the world, you know, they're just people too, but they're also people who are running organizations, have a lot of people looking up to them. So, they don't necessarily, you know, easily jump into these kind of topics. Yeah. Certainly not publicly. Yeah.
Smoke:But I'm seeing that awakening among this this world, among the the leadership world, where they're like, wait a minute. I've had this success. I've had material success. I'm I'm top of the world, top of this mountain. But is this the mountain that really that really matters to me?
Smoke:And more and more, they're like, well, I'm I wanna why are I anxious? Why why am I health not perfect? Why why am I experiencing anxiety or, you know, some, you know, expressed to me, you know, this idea of impostor syndrome, you know, where they're they're to the outside world, they're and to their employees and to their customers, like, the top of the world. But they, don't feel it in their heart. Like, what?
Smoke:I don't know why I'm here. And I think that's what this spiritual conversation is about. So I know you you and Luigi have, your own journeys, but you guys are exploring this topic in deep ways, and wonder if we could, you know, talk a little bit about what you're seeing and
Zi:Yeah, I think we're so it's a journey, right? I think there's a lot of steps that we've been going through, and I think we had we've been experimenting with different types of modalities, I would say.
Smoke:Mhmm.
Zi:I think we're right? So every person goes through their own journey or the things that they
Smoke:For sure. No matter how aligned you are, no matter how close you are, we're
Zi:all Yeah.
Smoke:We're all on our individual journey.
Zi:Exactly.
Smoke:Ideally, we might be going walking together Together. Yeah. And supporting each other in different ways and challenging and exposing. But, at the end of the day, you know, no one can do it for anyone else.
Zi:Yeah, yeah. I started, so, I think one of the big shifts as well was when I started working with my coach, very, very special, very specially and unique person, who is very much connected with the heart and who is somebody who has incredible gifts, helping you kind of reconnect with yourself, going within and understanding. Even that, you know when somebody says, whenever you ask yourself questions, right, and you're wondering like, how could I, know, what should I do, what does this make sense, or all this, and she she would always tell me like yeah, the answer is within and I'm always like what does that mean? Like the answer is within, I don't know what that means, right?
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And so it's been at first there was a lot of resistance and questioning because I'm trying to think the feelings, right? And so the idea has always been around coming back to Source, remembering who I am before all the programming, before everything that was installed in us since we were kids, and all the way life has shaped us. And so going back to that, it means just removing and quieting the mind, removing all the chaos, and just really re centering. And some people would say, yeah, you could do it through meditation, through this, or that, but I never really saw myself as a meditation person, and to this day it's not something that I personally do, but I feel like that it's about just finding yourself in a meditative state, versus doing meditation. And for me, it comes in different formats, so it was around just, she would guide me to like, just a simple inner kind of like traveling, where we try to revisit and see where we're at, and you kind of like, trying to think less and feel the feelings, which turns out is not an easy thing to do, when you're constantly trying to rationalize things and make sense.
Zi:Yeah. And the brain sometimes can put a resistance when they know you're about to go somewhere that's scary. They try to put blockages and eventually with time I start to understand those red flags, those moments where my body, my brain or I start to do something to prevent me to go there, like it's discomfort. It could be something as simple as you know what my back hurts, can't sit comfortably in a breath work session, why am I you know all these things but normally it's because energy is moving but I didn't realize that so I think with all these types of exercises, I realize that once you're in flow, once you really go within
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:It doesn't matter how uncomfortable your seat is, you're no longer you don't feel the pain in your body anymore. Not even, you know. That was for me incredible. And the first time I ever felt that was when I did, I tried Kundalini Yoga for the first time.
Smoke:Mhmm.
Zi:And, like, the way you have to sit, and I'm quite tall, and we know that. And so, for me, like, putting my legs together and sitting, you know, like this, it's the most uncomfortable thing I could And I'm like, I can't sit like this. I need to sit in a proper chair. I need to have something for my back. But then, like, the more we start to move and you move the energy and you feel like your body is just like very very mellow and flowing, and you start to wonder.
Zi:And once you do it, you're no longer in your head, you're no longer in the body, you're just really centered, you're just there. You forget about all this. And between that and coupling it with inner work, and coupling it with other types of modalities, like breath work, for example, I've tested quite a few things, and each one would give me something. I think the most helpful thing for me has been being curious and always leading with an open mind. As crazy as the idea sounds to us, I mean as long as it's safe, secure, obviously all this, and you know who you're doing it with and there's a trust element involved, results are amazing because this is the only way to get ourselves out of what I like to call the invisible prison.
Zi:Yeah. Because that's what it is. You think that you can't do it. No. It's so there's no way I can play tennis again.
Zi:There's no way I can think, feel the feeling and all this. There's no way I can go. Like, what do you mean intuition? How do I know, all these things, they vanish. And so, honestly, today, I'm, like, very happy.
Zi:I feel, like, more centered than ever. Of course, like, it's it's a journey, obviously. So I'm not gonna say, like, I'm I'm I made it there because I didn't know what there is. Well, we
Smoke:we were talking yesterday about it and, you know, the way I I look at it is, there's different levels of consciousness Yeah. That we evolve to if we're open to it and we want to. Right? So it so first of all, it takes spiritual will and the decision I want to evolve my consciousness and I, you know, and asking for help. We've talked about that, the, you know, you have to ask for help.
Smoke:Yeah. So when I yes. I want to involve it and, yes, I want I accept help. But as we evolve our consciousness and every time we kind of move up to another level where we see a bigger context, a bigger picture, we settle in at a, what call it ground zero, which is, kind of the the new norm. Yeah.
Smoke:So, as you you go through an experience, you experience a a change of paradigm, you see something bigger, you accept it, you know, like, okay, and then you now have this, like, higher level, but where do you stay exactly that level? So you can bounce around. Right? So it's like, you're at a certain level, but you're bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down, and then it takes work to get to another level. But, and we're human.
Smoke:So, know, every, every minute of every day, I assume you're not exactly perfectly who you like, but that's where we can get. We get more and more like that as you as you evolve. Yeah. And listening to ourselves, I mean, that's one of the things, you know, as a as a man in this world and world of leadership and business, you know, it's kinda like, that's that would have been for me. Yeah.
Smoke:Right. Whatever. You know. And we think we can think our way through things. But the reality is, we've got this much greater power and knowledge that if we'll slow down a little bit, if we'll listen to ourselves and sync up our mind and heart, the answer comes.
Smoke:Yeah. And we can feel it. We can feel the energy and you you were mentioning that, you know, you're you've you've had some experience helping groups and, you know, teams where, you know, you're not there to listen to the arguments of the team and the strategy session. You're there to kind of read the room and and it into What is the right thing here? What is the feeling?
Smoke:Which is kinda cool.
Zi:Yeah. Yeah.
Smoke:It's kinda cool.
Zi:Yeah. I I I didn't even like, when I was first asked to do that, I I think the first experience I ever had was back when I was in corporate and I was I had the opportunity to shadow VP of a regional area for a corporation and I remember it was supposed to be like a shadowing, like a mentoring program, like a talent program thing for a few months, but I remember him telling me I believe in a reverse mentorship and I was like I don't know what that means. So then he says I'm gonna bring you into all the big meetings with all the, you know, the CEO, the this, that, the big guys, and I want you to just sit with me and just watch. Don't take notes, do not, just be there. Yeah.
Zi:And so I would go there and just sit and just watch people. And it was like super cool. It's like being in a room full of like all the NBA players, right? And you're like there. So I watched it, like the meeting happened and then after that he would always sit with me at the end and just ask me what did you feel?
Zi:And I'm like why is this guy I don't and I always thought like you know better, mean you're the VP like I you know I'm just getting started and he was like no I'm not interested in knowing or the what's just tell me what you felt And then I started to tell him, very unfiltered way, like what I felt in terms of And I didn't know what I was doing back then, I didn't know why, but that was the first time I recognized it because then ten years later, I'm asked by somebody else completely randomly because I was meeting them for something completely different. We're talking about a project, some fundraising for a startup, and I'm talking to him for an investment opportunity, and here I am pitching him something and he goes, can we put that aside for a second? Do you think you can come and be with me in the room in my meetings and I just want to see your I just want you to read the room and then tell me what you feel. And that was the second time it happened again and I was like, why is this person saying it?
Zi:And then I remember he called me an intuitive angel or something like this and I'm like, okay, this guy's like, he's lost it, right? And eventually I understood, right? Like, it's just that ability to be in touch with our intuition that allows us to feel and read the room. And it led me to wanting to understand more myself and what it means. And since then, I think the more I started to embrace it and accept it, just accepting who I am, and what I can do, and how I can support and serve others, the bigger I get, the more I expand, the more in line I feel, the stronger I feel.
Smoke:Yeah.
Zi:And you step away from all the materialistic stuff. None of it matters, nothing, it's not about getting the deal, or this or that, because all these things are all side benefits. Right. Because when you're being and walking and being your true self, and showing up with pure intentions, and I generally feel like anything that I do today, in every action, every step of the way, I try to be as present as possible with the person, or with whatever it is that I'm doing, and doing it from a place of love, not from a place of seeking.
Smoke:Yeah. No. That's powerful. And that's my experience too. So I think we in the fast paced modern business world, leadership, psych MBA world, you know, all that, you know, we think, okay, we learn strategy, we learn this technique, we learn that, we we have experience in these deals and we're like driving the deals forward.
Smoke:And the reality is, in many ways, you know, it's the difference between power and force. So, force is physically making these things happen and, you know, it's really a weak, a weak position. Yeah. And coming from our strength, which is real power, It's feeling what, you know, with intent and with your heart, you know, you wanna you wanna move things forward, but it's like you you're doing it with the all the right intentions and the things will just manifest. You know, you're you're not forcing anything.
Smoke:It's just going to evolve. And the things in our physical world are the after effect. It's the energetic world. It's the higher brains where actually things are happening. And it's hard to concept for type a Yeah.
Smoke:CEOs to embrace, but it's real.
Zi:%.
Smoke:Yeah. It's real. And is there is there anything that as you've learned to listen to that inner voice and you've learned to not second guess it with your ego mind, you know, where you've kind of calm that down, you're like, okay, what am I feeling here? What is it that I need to say or do? Is there anything that, you know, would be helpful to our listeners, you know, them to kind of experience that or some things that you've done along the way to kind of get there?
Zi:Yeah. I think it's about just start asking questions, get curious, Try to do something different from what you usually do.
Smoke:Mhmm.
Zi:And question and it's it's I think it's about training the muscle
Smoke:Mhmm.
Zi:Of self reflection.
Smoke:It's a muscle that we didn't know existed.
Zi:Yeah.
Smoke:And then we realize it, and then you have to, like any muscle, you have to exercise it to make it work right.
Zi:Yeah. Yeah. I think just that is, that's the starting point. Because it doesn't matter where it will lead you. There's a tons of different types of tools that we can test.
Zi:And I I could say, you know, like, I love breath work or, you know, plant medicine Yep. Or you can talk about, like, yoga or this. It doesn't matter what it is. Yeah.
Smoke:I I actually do meditation, you know, daily and my own meditation and then but I do agree with it. It's it's more of a meditative attitude. Right? So I do like to have like a serious, I just go inside and I just on the mind, I just watch the thoughts and I just, that's it as me. I do that every, every day for a little while, but it's, I find myself more than a contemplative state as I'm going about my day.
Smoke:So it's kind of being aware of what's going on while we're having conversation. I'm aware of the room. I'm aware of the plants. I hear the birds. I hear the background music.
Smoke:I hear the you know, I know that's all happening. I'm aware of it. So I'm a little bit more conscious of what's going on while we're having a conversation. Yeah. Yeah.
Smoke:Now that's I think that's that's really a good good thing. What else do what else would be good to do you feel that you wanna share anything else that is, you know, interesting? I know we're good. There's lots we can talk about it. Yeah.
Smoke:We'll probably do this some more. But I think this is a beautiful journey that we're all on. And and I think the we talked about it a little when in our conversation off camera, but, you know, we are all on a we're spiritual beings on a with with amnesia, and we're on a journey of remembering.
Zi:Yeah.
Smoke:And so, we're rediscovering these, you know, whether it's intuition or it's just, you know, these various things that are right at our fingertips. And your teacher who is sounds like a amazing lady, like my teacher, Yvonne, and others who I have experienced who are really, really powerful, effective. It's not because of what they do. It's because they help us point to inward. They they they're always pointing inside.
Smoke:They're always pointing to the answer lies within.
Zi:Yep. Exactly.
Smoke:Yeah. Yeah. And if we're curious, we say, well, what do you mean by that? You know, and but you have to reflect.
Zi:Yeah. Yeah. I think this is a good time to
Smoke:Alright.
Zi:Like, let it sit Awesome.
Smoke:Now and then. Well, Zee, thank you so much.
Zi:Thank you.
Smoke:It's so great to be with you. Same. Your energy is wonderful, and I look forward to more in the future.
Zi:Same. Thank Thank
Smoke:you. I
Zi:feel like I want to give you a hug. Alright. Bye bye.