Lion Counseling Podcast

🎙️ Episode 54: Don’t Let Your Life Become a Bad Country Song | How Strong Fathers Aim Too Low

Some of the most disciplined, high-performing men I work with are winning in business… but quietly wondering if they’re losing at home.
In this episode, I unpack a humorous but revealing set of lyrics from country artist Walker Hayes — and what they expose about the modern bar for fatherhood.

“Just trying to keep my daughters off the pole and my sons out of jail…” Is avoiding catastrophe really the definition of success? Or are we aiming far too low? This episode is for the father who knows he’s a good man — but refuses to settle for mediocrity in his home.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ Why defensive parenting creates distance instead of strength
✅ The hidden trap successful men fall into at home
✅ The paradox of protection vs. intentional leadership
✅ Why “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” are not optional
✅ How small daily shifts prevent future disaster
✅ A 3-step action plan you can implement tonight
📘 Get Mark’s Free Book

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📞 Ready for a Clarity Call?
If you want to parent strategically instead of defensively, book here:
👉 https://escapethecagenow.com/call/

💬 Comment Below:
What’s one thing your dad said — or didn’t say — that shaped you?
And what will you choose to say differently?


About the Lion Counseling Podcast
The Lion Counseling Podcast helps high-achieving Christian men break free from anxiety, resentment, burnout, addiction, and unresolved trauma — so they can heal deeply, lead strongly, and build families that last.

New episodes drop every Tuesday.

Break free.
Heal deep.
Become the lion God created you to be.

Creators and Guests

Host
Mark Odland
Founder of Lion Counseling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified EMDR Therapist

What is Lion Counseling Podcast?

The Lion Counseling Podcast helps men escape the cages that hold them back and become the Lions they were created to be. It exists to help men obtain success, purpose, happiness, and peace in their career and personal lives. The podcast is hosted by the founder of Lion Counseling, Mark Odland (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified EMDR Therapist), and Zack Carter (Counselor and Coach with Lion Counseling). In their podcasts, they address a variety of topics relevant to men, including: mental health, relationships, masculinity, faith, success, business, and self-improvement.

Mark Odland:

And I'm just trying to keep my daughters off the pole and my sons out of jail. Trying to get to church so I don't go to hell. I'm just trying to keep my wife from figuring out that I married up and she married way, way down. You can build a business that runs without you and still have a family that slowly drifts away from you. Deep down, you want to build an extraordinary home.

Mark Odland:

You wanna be proactive, but instead, we all too often find ourselves being reactive, defensive, simply trying to prevent disaster from happening. So the instinct isn't wrong. It's part of your job to keep the worst things from happening. But if no disaster is your only definition of success, you're aiming far too low, brother. Success at home is not simply keeping your life from turning into a bad country song.

Mark Odland:

It's building something so intentional and strong that disaster has less room to grow in the first place. So if you know if you know that you are a good dad, but you aren't willing to settle for mediocrity, stay tuned. This episode was created for you. Welcome to the Lion Counseling Podcast, where we help men to break free, to heal deep, and become the lions God created them to be. I'm Mark Adlin, licensed marriage and family therapist and certified EMDR therapist.

Mark Odland:

Today, we're talking about success, not in business, but in family life. Because some of the most competent, disciplined, high performing men that I work with every day still quietly wonder whether they're truly winning at home. I wanna begin with something that sounds humorous, but actually reveals a deeper truth. It's a short poem by none other than a Nobel poet laureate and country music star, Walker Hayes. His epic poem begins.

Mark Odland:

And I'm just trying to keep my daughters off the pole and my sons out of jail, trying to get to church so I don't go to hell. I'm just trying to keep my wife from figuring out that I married up and she married way, way down. Alright. The goal is good. Protect your daughters.

Mark Odland:

Keep your sons out of jail. Stay married. Go to church. The instinct is honorable. That's a father, man.

Mark Odland:

That's a father protecting his family, protecting his kids, just doing what he's wired to do. But on the other hand, if that's the bar, it's kinda low, guys. It's kind of a low bar. Success is more than just avoiding catastrophe. Alright.

Mark Odland:

So god wired us as men to be protective. It's one of the four five, core values at Lion Counseling, provide, protect. Right? And so we tend to feel the threat before others do. We we see it coming.

Mark Odland:

Right? We try to guard against that threat. We scan for risk. We anticipate danger. And that instinct is not bad.

Mark Odland:

It's not toxic. It's being responsible. Right? It's, honoring the way God made you to be. But here's the trap.

Mark Odland:

Here's the trap, guys. When we fear catastrophe and when that fear becomes the primary driver, then as dads, we can start parenting, defensively instead of being intentional. We can become this kind of risk manager, this rule enforcer, a a hall monitor, a quiet observer on the outside detached from what's happening. Instead instead of being a builder, a creator, a former, a shaper, someone who's cultivating the identity of our family, of our children, instead of being that indispensable part of family life where when you're gone, they truly feel your absence. So it's okay to have that, protective instinct, but we have to keep it in its place like so many things in life.

Mark Odland:

Right? Defensiveness alone does not raise a strong child. Okay? There's an irony, a paradox here, that, if you're actually wanting to, as it said in the country song, right, keep your daughters off the pole and your sons out of jail, you cannot parent defensively. You have to be proactive and intentional.

Mark Odland:

And avoiding the ultimate catastrophe actually requires emotional connection, secure attachment, identity formation, repeated investment, and clear values. Man, if if if really you wanna keep that bar and just avoid, catastrophe, alright. We can go there. But here's here's the the catch, right, is the very thing that makes your everyday life good is also the same thing, the same things that prevent the disaster. Right?

Mark Odland:

So to avoid that disaster, it takes strategy, and that strategy requires you to be present. And so I'm gonna leave you guys with, just a few tips. Right? Five strategic shifts, for you to be, the kind of father that's present and in shaping his family rather than just kind of hunkering down and trying to react, right before the disaster strikes. Right?

Mark Odland:

Right before the catastrophe. So one, quantity of time build security. Right? You've heard of quality time, and quality time is important. But there's also quantity time.

Mark Odland:

You have to be present in your kid's life. Right? You have to have repetition. There has to be predictability. There has to be places and times when you're not distracted, when you're not rushed, when you're just putting in the time, not only trying to be present, but actually taking the time.

Mark Odland:

Research has shown that most parents don't even spend fifteen minutes of quality time with their kid each day. And if you knock out that, that goal of getting fit to fifteen minutes, it's such a small sliver of time in twenty four hours. Let's not only, strive for that quality, but, again, up the quantity. If you drive your kids to school, right, use that time wisely. Go play catch with the kid.

Mark Odland:

Take them to, the event. Right? Go outside. Go for a walk. Do something that they're interested in doing to connect with them.

Mark Odland:

Right? Children bond through the accumulation of moments over time, not just big grand gestures. Right? And and that can be easy to do to sweep in, try to make up for lost time with some big gift or some big reward. And that might be fun, and it might be memorable, but it doesn't replace that deep desire that kids have to be connected to connect it in a healthy way, to their dad.

Mark Odland:

Right? Number two, teach specifically. Right? So a lot of times as guys, we're good at modeling our strength, modeling our values, leading by example. And that's a good guard against hypocrisy.

Mark Odland:

Right? Talking a good game and not backing it up. So I I can I I can I can go there with you? But, but let's not stop there. Right?

Mark Odland:

We need to teach. Right? Teach your sons how to actually handle rejection, how to respond to disrespect, how to apologize. Right? Actually teach your daughters what healthy love looks like, the kind of treatment she deserves, how to see when someone's trying to manipulate her.

Mark Odland:

Right? These are life skills. These are street smarts, kind kinds of things. And, let's face it, as they get into their teenagers, oftentimes, they think you're you're kind of stupid and out of touch. And so, if your kids are already teens, it's not that you've lost your window of opportunity.

Mark Odland:

They still need you. You gotta fight for that. But if your kids are still younger, that's a huge opportunity where you have a lot of influence. And so let's maximize that, guys. Three.

Mark Odland:

Alright. Three might seem so simple that it it it's not even worth saying. But I gotta say it. You need to actually say the words, I love you, to your kids. I'm I'm not kidding, guys.

Mark Odland:

I have so many men in my office who had strong stoic provider dads, and I've heard the story a million times. Yeah. I I know my dad loved me. I mean, he showed it. We had a roof over our heads.

Mark Odland:

He he did this. He took us on the vacation. Yeah. I know dad loved me. Well, did he ever say it?

Mark Odland:

Well, no. He never said it. But but, yeah, I know he loved me. What I often find when I do deep healing work with high achieving men is that, yes, a part of their brain does indeed know that their dad loved them, But there's also a wounded part of them that has to go out of their way to say it because there's a part of them that never felt completely secure in that. And there's something about the words that are healing and powerful.

Mark Odland:

And it's not a one time thing. If you haven't said it, start start start by just saying it the first time. But, man, this is something that we need to say daily as dads. Take it to the bank, guys. Number four is, similar, is you gotta hug your kids.

Mark Odland:

And that doesn't make you weak. God created us to not just be strong and and to protect and provide physically, from danger, from catastrophe. We are called to protect the upbringing, the development, the character, protect the the hearts of our families, of our kids. Showing, affection, healthy affection, to our kids is not softness. It's helping them regulate their own nervous systems.

Mark Odland:

Physical, affection lowers stress hormones. It increases a sense of safety. It builds internal stability. Children who feel safe at home will seek less validation outside of it. I mean, the the term is thrown around for women who struggle in their teens or, as young adults, with with with men, and they talk about daddy issues.

Mark Odland:

Right? It's a it's a thing. Right? A lot of young women and men who are wounded because they didn't receive healthy love and affection, and words of encouragement from their dads, that is a deep wired need. And if they don't get it from you, they're gonna get it somewhere else.

Mark Odland:

So this isn't about blame men. This is about just facing the truth for what it is and knowing that there are some very, simple steps we can do, very low hanging fruit that's achievable to make a big difference. I have had clients recently who have just implemented one or two small changes like this, and it's absolutely transformed their family. It's not beneath us to do these simple things. Okay?

Mark Odland:

And number five. Number five is to express our pride clearly and with love. High performing fathers. Right? And, again, this is this is the bread and butter.

Mark Odland:

This is these are the guys that I work with. They are used to, being the masters of their own destiny, The captains of the captains of their own ship, they are used to exerting their will on a problem and seeing success. They see the value of hard work. And oftentimes, it was the lack of praise that they received that actually drove them to overcompensate, and to crush it in life. Right?

Mark Odland:

Behind many of the high performing successful men that I work with, inside there, there's a wounded boy, who never felt like he was good enough, who never got praise from his dad, and his life's mission essentially is to prove him wrong. Right? And I know that's an oversimplification. A lot of the guys, are also driven by purpose, by meaning, a sense of calling, a sense of, integrity. But that, that echo from our past can haunt us.

Mark Odland:

Right? And a very simple exercise that I would encourage you guys to do is to say, what are the things that I wish my dad would have said to me? And then take a deep breath, and then ask yourself, am I saying that to my own kids? And if the answer is no, then, man, what an opportunity. What an opportunity to speak life and truth and encouragement into their lives.

Mark Odland:

No. This doesn't mean that by praising your kid, you're, somehow one of you know, doing this thing with the self esteem movement that got so much criticism. Right? Of like, oh, I didn't know they made a twelfth place ribbons. Right?

Mark Odland:

Like, every small thing, deserves praise, and there's no such thing as winning and losing anymore, and competition is bad. I'm not saying that. I'm a competitive person, and I see value in competition. But we can't be so sparse with our praise that our our our kids are always just angling and thirsty and hungry for it, and never receiving it. Right?

Mark Odland:

Correction without affirmation breeds anxiety. Right? But affirmation builds courage. Right? If your son strikes out and and blows the big game and doesn't win the game and it made some mistakes, they already know it.

Mark Odland:

They don't need a criticism heaped on top of it, right, in most cases. Rather than winning and losing, as as the great, Hixon Gracie said, jujitsu expert, a pioneer of the UFC, it's not winning and losing. It's winning and learning. If you see failures and mistakes as opportunities to grow, to improve, to learn without shame as part of being human, as part of growing. Man, how empowering is that?

Mark Odland:

The things that most boys and girls wanna hear from their dads is not only I love you, but I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. And if and if you are struggling to think of what you're proud of, you might need to dig a little deeper. You might need to recalibrate your standards and expectations. And it doesn't mean that, you don't still want excellence and and wonderful things for your children, but you have to find the good.

Mark Odland:

You have to find the good. The son who struck out, You know, maybe maybe you say, you know, I know you made some mistakes, and you're beating yourself up for it. But, you know, I noticed how hard you ran. I noticed how you didn't give up. I noticed how you patted your team teammate on the back, and encouraged them when they were down.

Mark Odland:

I appreciate the character, son, that you're showing in the midst of adversity, and I'm proud of you for that. Right? Man, to hear that from our own dads, if you didn't get it growing up, it's a game changer. We have this incredible gift that we can give our kids. Right?

Mark Odland:

So I'm gonna leave you guys with a practical step. Right? Tonight, start small. Pick one of your kids and just do three things. Tell them that you love them.

Mark Odland:

Give them a proper hug, and tell them one specific thing that you're proud of. Not generic. Specific. And then if you want clarity on whether you're just unintentionally parenting defensively, instead of strategically, I'll definitely be happy to talk about it with you. If you go to escapethecagenow.com, Contact us.

Mark Odland:

Ask for a a clarity call, and that's an opportunity, to see if you're a good fit to work with me, and vice versa. Right? Some men wanna go deeper, and they want a tool in the toolbox that helps them take relationships, life to the next level. That's that's what we're here for at Lion Counseling. Our programs are designed to help you identify those blind spots, before they become regrets.

Mark Odland:

Alright. Well, your instinct to guard your family is good. It's honorable. It is masculine. You're being the man by doing that.

Mark Odland:

But guarding against catastrophe alone does not build up and cultivate an awesome family. Right? And so if you are interested in going deeper, again, you know where to find us. Don't just avoid disaster. Raise and cultivate something beautiful.

Mark Odland:

Break free. Heal deep. Be and become that lion that god created you to be. Until next time, men. God bless.

Mark Odland:

Talk to you soon.