NOTHING TO PROVE

Show Notes

What are you trying to prove?  Who are you trying to impress? Learn how the greatest freedom in life comes from having nothing to prove as Ray shares stories from his childhood and his days in a bipartisan role in the United States Senate.  

What is Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast?

Each episode is hosted by Ray Sanders, an award-winning journalist with more than 30 years of experience in both print and broadcast media.

As a CEO, he has grown multi-million-dollar organizations, led an award-winning financial institution, served in a nonpartisan role with the United States Senate and pioneered international efforts to bring clean water to remote regions of the world.

Sanders is the founder of Coaching Leaders an executive coaching and business consulting firm that provides CEO’s with valuable input from a team of seasoned business leaders who have served at the highest level within successful multimillion-dollar organizations.

The Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast unpacks inspiring insights from inspiring people.

Audiences discover:

Powerful life-changing stories.

How to overcome adversity.

Ways to live a life full of meaning and purpose.

Common mistakes and how to avoid them.

What makes a purpose-driven business unique, different and successful?

What makes life at work fun, significant and satisfying?

What industry tips and tricks do listeners need to be aware of?

How cause-minded companies give back through Edify Leaders and other great causes?

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Ray: 00:00

I have a few questions for you today. The first one is, what are you trying to prove? Then, who are you trying to impress? You know, for a lot of us, we spend most of our lives with a sort of chip on our shoulder. We go through life either consciously or subconsciously with something to prove.

Ray: 00:22

Today on the podcast, I want to dive into this urge we have to prove ourselves. I will share parts of my story and insights I discovered while working at the United States Senate. Stay with me, and you will learn how the greatest freedom in life comes from having nothing to prove. Hello, everyone. I'm Ray Sanders, and you're listening to the Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast.

Ray: 00:53

Welcome back to the Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast. You know, it means a lot to me that we could spend some time together. I recently came across a quote by RT Kendall. The quote says, the greatest freedom is having nothing to prove. You know, I asked you before, but let me ask you again.

Ray: 01:12

What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to impress? What if the one that matters most accepts you for who you are, is proud of you, and loves what you are becoming. You know, so many times we criticize ourselves and are hard on ourselves because we don't like who we are. But who are we becoming?

Ray: 01:35

What's our full potential? I think that's how our creator sees us, and he's the one that matters most. I believe it is then that we begin to recognize that we have nothing to prove. When we do so, we feel free from the past, free to live in the present, and free to pursue the future with pure joy and without fear. You know, when I was a little boy, I grew up in about a 900 square foot home.

Ray: 02:07

That's right. It wasn't real big. In fact, my home now that I live in is about 4 times that size. And when I drive back by that old home, I'm amazed that we did all we did in that small little home. I used to joke that I didn't have a, a shower until I was 15, and people would look at me and go, you didn't have a shower until you're 15.

Ray: 02:29

Does that mean you didn't bathe? I didn't say I didn't bathe. I said I didn't have a shower until I was 15. You know, we we really didn't. We didn't have a shower until we moved to a new house, and my got out of that hot shower.

Ray: 02:41

I never will forget. It was so great. Not that I don't still like a good bath now and again. You know, I often tell people that I grew up one block from the wrong side of the tracks. My dad was a working class guy.

Ray: 02:53

He worked for a trucking company and unloaded trucks on the dock. He was married to my mom when he was about 22, 23, and she was pregnant with me when she was 15. And, we weren't we weren't poor, but we certainly didn't have a lot of things that a lot of other kids in my town had. And I never will forget I had the opportunity one time to go to the richest kid in town's house. And as I walked up to the house, I couldn't believe, first of all, how huge it was.

Ray: 03:23

They had multiple garages. I think there must have been 4 or 5, and they had little golf carts and go karts are, running around on the grounds, and they had people mowing their yard, and then they had maids in little dresses, and their house was just absolutely huge. And when I walked into his bedroom with the other guys, my I immediately thought, his bedroom is as almost as big as my house. And not only that, he had this closet where you walked into, and it was as big as my bedroom. And then he had his own bathroom with a shower and a toilet all to himself.

Ray: 03:56

I was thinking, man, this guy has it made. And then I thought to myself, I don't really feel like I belong here. I had very low self esteem. I was insecure. And I realized maybe I just didn't fit in.

Ray: 04:14

Well, fast forward many years later, and I'm in the car driving to, Tulsa from Oklahoma City, and my wife is noticing that I'm kinda down and not exactly my typical peppy self. And she said, hey. What's going on? I said, you know, I don't know. I just can't shake it.

Ray: 04:29

I just feel kind of insecure about some people I'm hanging out with. I I just don't know that I I have what it takes. I was really doubting myself. And she listens listened well like she often does. And as I'm talking to her, I I looked over and I said, I figured it out.

Ray: 04:45

I figured it out. I'm not that little boy anymore. She said, that not not that little boy anymore. What are you talking about? I I said, I'm not that little boy that grew up in that little 900 square foot house.

Ray: 05:00

You know, I might have been the first on my mom's side and second on my dad's to go to college, but I've done a lot of things since then, and I'm not that little boy anymore. And then I was reminded in in the house that I grew up in, my I think my dad had good intentions, but I even had things to prove to him as well. There were times that as the oldest, I would go out and I'd be mowing the yard, and my dad would stand at the end of each row. And as I would turn around to come back, he would be judging me as to whether or not the line that I had made with the lawnmower was perfect. I felt so much pressure to prove to him that I could mow the yard.

Ray: 05:39

If that wasn't enough, we had a big big garden in our backyard, a huge garden with big tomatoes and potatoes and corn and things like that and green beans that we would often snap. And at the end of the season, we'd have to often turn the soil. And I remember one time I was setting out back with my dad and I had to shovel, and I was turning some dirt, and he snatched it out of me my hand, and he says, what are you doing? Don't you even know how to shovel dirt? And I thought, oh, man.

Ray: 06:06

I gotta prove to him that I can dig a hole in the ground. He took the shovel off the ground and gave it to my brother and said, here, show him how to dig. You know, may not seem that much of a deal to you, but for me, it was my little brother, and I was was embarrassed. I thought I'm gonna prove him wrong. And there was there were times that we would go out back and we would play basketball and, you know, I was okay.

Ray: 06:27

I wasn't great. My little brother was much more athletic than me, much faster. He would hit all the shots. My dad would be proud of him. And I remember him saying to me one day, you know, Ray, you probably ought to figure out something else.

Ray: 06:38

I don't think you're gonna be able to play basketball. And it really hurt me because I knew he had played basketball when he was in high school, and I wanted to be like my dad. I just didn't have the aptitude. What do you think I did? I was gonna prove him wrong.

Ray: 06:52

And, yeah, I tried out for the football team. I didn't like it. I probably should have because I was kind of a big kid in those days. And I played baseball, but I couldn't do that because I had to work in the summers. And so I continued to play basketball.

Ray: 07:05

And do you think I proved it to him? Absolutely not. He was right. I was terrible. But I lived with that for most of my life.

Ray: 07:14

I just wanted to prove him wrong, but I didn't. You know, fast forward, and I went to college, and there were some people in my life that really encouraged me. I was surprised, quite frankly, that I didn't end up on a dock or doing something like what my dad had done or worked on a farm or something like that. But lo and behold, I went to school and I ended up getting a job at the United States Senate in Washington DC. I I really couldn't believe that this kid from Canadian County in Oklahoma had gotten a job in the United States Senate, and I had the privilege of working with all kinds of US senators in a nonpartisan role for with Democrats and Republicans and otherwise.

Ray: 07:51

And I even had a chance to work with the president of the United States. It was it was amazing, the opportunities that I had. And, you know, not too long ago, a federal judge asked me. He said, what has surprised you most in your work with leaders? And in my mind, I went back to those days when I was working in the United States senate.

Ray: 08:10

Oh, I must have been probably 23, maybe 24 years of age. And oftentimes, after the senate would be in session, the senators would be asked to go on an evening news on NBC, ABC, CBS to give a statement about some type of legislation or some world event. And oftentimes, I would be the only one there in the studio running camera, taking care of the senator. I never will forget one night I was with a particular senator, I won't mention him by name, And, he was preparing to go on the evening news, and he looked at me, and our eyes met. And I could tell in looking in his eyes, he was afraid.

Ray: 08:47

He was scared, and he looked up at me. We had become friends over the course of the years I had worked there, and he says, what do you think I ought to say? What's the first thing that I should say? Do I look okay? How about my hair?

Ray: 08:59

What do you what do you think? And it was in that moment that I realized the way that I would answer this federal judge later years in my life is the thing that surprised me most in my work with leaders is how insecure they were. And you know what? He was nervous. He was scared, and he was insecure.

Ray: 09:20

He was out to prove something to everyone, that he was a United States senator, one of the most powerful men in the world. Dare, they know about his insecurities. You know, the truth is we are all insecure. So why do we try to prove that we are? We wanna try to prove that we're strong.

Ray: 09:39

We wanna try to prove that we're confident. We wanna try to prove that we're capable, and it shows up in all kinds of ways. It shows up in our work. It shows up in our home. And in our relationships, we're out to prove something.

Ray: 09:56

So let's talk about you for a minute. Let's say you're walking into a room or you're attending a party or a family gathering. What are you thinking before you walk through the door? Are you a little self conscious? Are you checking your reflection in the glass on the front door or maybe in a mirror that you pass by?

Ray: 10:17

Are you practicing your smile or pushing your shoulders back? Are you working on your handshake on the way over? You know what? This tells me that you have something to prove. You know, you're probably like me.

Ray: 10:32

You're frozen in time, and what you need to realize is you're not that little boy anymore. You're not that little girl anymore. Let me encourage you. Do not resume the role. Don't resume the role that you've always played.

Ray: 10:50

You're not that little boy. You're not that little girl. You have nothing to prove to your dad. You have nothing to prove to your mom, your brothers, your sisters, or anybody else that's in your in in in that room or in your family. Reset your perspective.

Ray: 11:04

Step into who you are today. You're someone that has nothing to prove because the person that matters most loves you the most, and he's proud of who you are becoming. Realize that the one that matters most accepts you for who you are, is proud of you, and loves you for what you're becoming. Because of that, you have nothing to prove. RT was right when he said, the greatest freedom is having nothing to prove.

Ray: 11:40

Hey. Thanks for stopping by. If you are encouraged or inspired, we'd love for you to hit the like button. Better yet, why not share this podcast with a friend? And for sure, reach out to us at ray sanders.com.

Ray: 11:55

We would love to hear from you. That pretty much does it for this show today. Thanks for joining us on the Ray Sanders Leadership Podcast. We're in your corner for life and work.