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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Fallon: [00:00:00] I did not sleep very much last night because,
Abby: I slept terribly too.
Fallon: okay, my power went out.
Abby: Oh
Fallon: It was like, midnight. I was like, why the fuck is it so hot in here? Because it's we're like under heat advisory all week.
Fallon: Is it so hot? I was like, why is it so hot? And then I looked up and the fan was off. And I was like, why did Nova turn the [00:01:00] fan out?
Fallon: Cause she slept with me last night. And then, you know, champagne problems. I have an adjustable bed.
Abby: Mm.
Fallon: We're stuck in like an elevated position with our feet and like kind of like this, like, and so I like to fall asleep to, but then I always go flat
Abby: Mm-Hmm.
Fallon: go flat. And I was like, oh, fuck the power's out.
Abby: Mm-Hmm.
Fallon: So Nova and I were up at like 1 a. m. talking.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: Because she couldn't sleep either till the power came back on. So how come you slept terribly baby stuff or just,
Abby: No, I, it, it also got hot here for some reason, like, I don't know, four or five in the morning. And the thing is, is I always turn the heat, not the heat up, but I turn the air conditioning down. And I guess so that it's a higher temperature at night because it gets really cold in the baby's room.
Fallon: uh,
Abby: like, I don't know, even if it's just set to like 68 total because the thermostats in the hallway.
Abby: So it's like warm in the hallway, but then it's like really cold in the bedrooms. So it'll [00:02:00] get down to like 64. In his room and he sleeps fine with that, but I always like, you know, freak out because like one time I checked it and it was like 62 and I'm like, okay, are we like freezing in here?
Fallon: Yeah. Are you alive?
Abby: So, um, so I always get paranoid about that.
Abby: So it just, it was like hot this morning and I don't know, I feel like I just couldn't get into a good position. And I don't know if this is a pregnancy thing, but I definitely noticed this after. Is that when I sleep on my stomach, which is where I love sleeping pre pregnancy, now it kind of hurts my lower back. And so that's sad because I'll like try to turn to my stomach and then I like won't be able to sleep because my lower back's hurting unless my feet are in like a certain position and it's a whole thing.
Fallon: Yeah, it is. I get it. Um, I just barely started to be able to sleep on my stomach probably in the last year again.
Abby: That's so interesting.
Fallon: it was so weird.
Abby: This is like the abs or the core, like something going on with that, I guess.
Fallon: I don't [00:03:00] know. Yeah. Or the other way, maybe the body shifts its alignment with the hips then. I don't know. Yeah.
Abby: So here we are. We made it.
Fallon: Yeah. We're here. Do we want to just drop right in or do you want to talk about the notes?
Abby: Um, the, the notes that I, that I wrote down was. This is something literally everybody experiences, so it's like not something to be scared of or like freak out about if you're feeling imposter syndrome, because like. I think we've all been there. Um, I wrote, as with anything, it all goes back to noticing what thoughts come and go around this thing that you feel an imposter around, go through the process, what am I noticing?
Abby: Is this true? Blah, blah, blah, kind of like how you walk yourself through it. Um, where this often comes up around, which I would say like jobs, you know, where it comes up the most, at least for me. [00:04:00] Um, notice the assumptions of this, I started this, notice the assumptions and comparisons are making about the other people involved.
Abby: Like, Oh, there's so much better than me or like they're more, they have more qualifications or they're smarter. Their family is better. Are they whatever, all the things. And then I said, this is where we bring it back to the hot shit energy of recognizing your gifts, your talents, your strengths, and giving yourself the love and the reminder that of your own inherent worth.
Fallon: I love it.
Abby: That's what I got.
Fallon: Cool.
Abby: Cool. Done. Episode done.
Fallon: Done. Complete. Hope you enjoyed the listen. Bye. See you in two weeks. Uh, yeah. Mine's like, is it even real?
Abby: hmm.
Fallon: And then I feel like the, the way to move through it is with action. Like you, you, you've got to, you've just got to keep stepping [00:05:00] into action, right? Like doing the belief work that you said, and then
Abby: The last thing is what action do you want to take then? hmm.
Fallon: and what action do you not want to take? Because that's also a thing. Um, I'm going to just remind, remembering that it doesn't mean that you're not meant to be there. Okay,
Abby: So good.
Fallon: Jennifer, chop that up.
Abby: All right. That's it.
Fallon: episode. We didn't sleep well last night.
Abby: Just a quick episode for when you're just getting in your car. And then once your car started, it's over.
Fallon: complete. Jennifer, these would be good bloopers. God, we nailed it today. The timer is like 6 minutes and 47 seconds.
Abby: And the first, like, four minutes talking about how terribly we slept last night.
Fallon: God, I slept awful. Me too. My [00:06:00] fucking adjustable bed got stuck. The nerve of this life that I live.
Abby: I know, so
Fallon: So funny though when the power went out because I was like, man, you know, I'm really grateful for fucking power.
Abby: yeah, right.
Fallon: Yeah. And it was creepy because I came upstairs to check. It was so dark. And I was like, whoa, like it's really dark in here. Cause I always have like little lights on around the house. You know,
Abby: Yeah. It's so funny that you say that because I literally had the same thought yesterday that I I'm so grateful for power because it was super dark yesterday when we woke up. It was just like a rainy day and it hadn't started raining, but then it started raining after Jameson left and it was like crazy storming and rain.
Abby: And, um, and I was like, Oh God, I really hope the power doesn't go out. And then I was like, I mean, yeah, that would be annoying, but also [00:07:00] remember like when we didn't have power and people just like still lived and everything was fine.
Fallon: they survived.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: It reminds me of when I didn't have power after Hurricane Sally. And it was like, we just made stuff on the gas grill and had a, we did have a generator, but like, there was very little that, I mean, that just produced very little of like necessities and just kind of rolled with it.
Fallon: Wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't the worst discomfort I've ever felt. I think emotional discomfort has been worse than that.
Abby: Yeah, totally.
Fallon: Yeah. So when have you. I know that you were saying you felt imposter syndrome with jobs, and I do think that that's where we mostly hear it. Like, it reminds me of my friend. I won't say his name.
Fallon: Hopefully, I won't slip. But he got a new job in the last few years, and he was like, man, my imposter syndrome is like, uh, like, I just don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm around all these really incredible, smart people. And he's somebody that's, you know, Like I would consider [00:08:00] highly intelligent and also really down to earth and witty and, and funny and, um, so it was interesting to hear him really move through these feelings of imposter syndrome on this new job.
Abby: Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I think Jennifer, we can just start it there.
Fallon: we've, yeah, I'm
Abby: Yeah. But, um, yeah, I think when it comes to imposter syndrome for me, when I, when I say about jobs and also when I think of. Imposter syndrome. I think that specifically for women too, that it, I know there's been some study that was done about how, you know, women will often not apply for jobs that they don't think they're qualified for, you know, because of this kind of imposter syndrome of like, Oh, I haven't done enough or I haven't, I don't have enough qualifications or I don't have the right experience or whatever.
Abby: Whereas many men will be like, Yeah, I don't have any of the experience, but like, fuck it. I'll just, I'll apply.[00:09:00]
Fallon: amazing.
Abby: Why not? That's not to say all men do that or think that, but like, you know, there's definitely
Fallon: think they're more wired that way than we are.
Abby: yes. And yeah, for me in the past, um, that's definitely been, I think where it comes into play the most is just like, am I like, have I done enough?
Abby: Um, do I have enough knowledge around this thing? Have I done enough work? Have I, have I done enough experience? All of that kind of stuff that comes into play before you feel, before you feel like worthy of pitching yourself as this thing or in this role or whatever, whatever it is.
Fallon: Yeah. And I also think like, have I earned it? Right. Earned this? Like, and then what does that even mean? Like, what are we defining as earning position or an elevation in your life? Whether it's in like a corporate [00:10:00] type, you know, traditional job, or if you're an entrepreneur and a coach, like, have I earned this level of where I'm at?
Abby: Mm hmm. And.
Fallon: Go ahead.
Abby: I was going to say, and like, am I the type of person, quote unquote, whatever that means, who like, who deserves this kind of thing? Or like, did I come from the right background or the right family or all of that, all of the things that kind of swirl around in your brain when you are putting yourself out there, when you're being vulnerable and it's something that, you know, if you feel like an imposter, then there's, There's a deep kind of yearning for whatever it is that you really want to be able to step into this thing, you know?
Abby: And it's so interesting, the assumptions that we make about other people, because we always assume that everybody else like has their life together and has better qualifications or has like better enoughness than we do.
Fallon: Yeah, and it's such a, I don't even [00:11:00] like the term syndrome.
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: It's like implying something's wrong with you and that somehow it's real, right? That somehow because we have syndrome attached to imposter, that somehow then it makes it real that you are an imposter and that that is your problem. That you are now in a syndrome of being an imposter.
Fallon: And
Abby: knows if you can be cured?
Fallon: Yeah. Yeah. Can you, can it, can you, can you be fixed? Right? Like, can that be fixed? And it's interesting because it's a feeling. It's not even, it doesn't qualify you or disqualify you. It's literally a feeling that you carry that we all have experienced. That can be remedied, and in my opinion, can be remedied through action.
Fallon: What is the next thing? So I feel imposter syndrome oftentimes when I'm around people who I feel like are more successful than me. I'm like, oh man, I don't know. Have I done the things to be able to be in this room? And [00:12:00] it's like, I get to decide that yes, I have. And what does doing the things even mean?
Fallon: Right. I don't know. And that's where we get to look at like, what are we making it mean? How are we defining the things? But I know like before I started doing team synergy days with, um, clients, so I go into their businesses and I do a whole team building day with their, for anywhere from like seven to 10 women.
Fallon: And, you know, I've got the CEO there and there it's, it's a lot. And I remember before I did it, I was like, my, my client at the time said, will you come do this work? For my, for my team, I said, sure. So it's like, just say yes, and then figure it out. Everything's figureoutable. And so I just remembered and I was like, okay, well, all I'm doing is taking what I.
Fallon: Teach individually and I'm making it into a day. And so just what is the next step? And so for me, the next step was like, okay, well, what, how do I want the first hour of this day to look? Cause it's an eight hour day, [00:13:00] basically six to eight hour day. And then I just went hour to hour, you know? And then the first time I was really nervous and I was like, Ooh, I don't know, this is going to be interesting.
Fallon: And then you just build up your confidence through that action. Right.
Abby: Yeah. And, and then the same way of, and taking this into like a, a conventional job situation, any job, if you're applying for a job, any job is, even if you don't have the right experience, they're going to teach you what they want you to do on the job. I think we've all like learned that time after time, you're like, Oh God.
Abby: I don't know what I'm doing. And then like, they literally just tell you exactly what they need you to do, unless you're coming in and you'd like, don't have any coding experience and you're like, you're like made up that you have all this coding experience and you're like just trying to be writing code and you don't know how to do that.
Abby: But like, I would say the majority of jobs, if they're not like highly specialized skills, they will teach you the things that you need to know. And so in that kind of a situation, just. Yes. Taking the action, [00:14:00] taking the, the first step of just like applying with the, the intention, like, and, and with the knowledge of like, I'm worthy of at least putting my, my hat in the ring for this thing, you know, cause that in itself, like that, the action, taking action with like, I'm worthy of this thing that I want is what, you know, moves the needle forward for you.
Fallon: Yeah. And what if we shifted imposter syndrome to like meeting your edges? That's what syndrome's like, you're actually just out of your comfort zone. You were at a job, or you were doing something, right, because actually the way this episode came up was a client asked us to talk about this. And this client has a nephew who, I can't remember, is it like collegiate football or heading into the NFL, but like, isn't one of those kids that it sounds like to me that played football his entire life, but all of us, he's like, He's just got these natural gifts. And so a lot of times imposter syndrome, too, is like, maybe you're just really [00:15:00] naturally gifted and you didn't have to go through the whole rigmarole that a lot of people, other people do, not that they're also not naturally gifted, but it's different. But also remember, it's just you meeting your edges.
Fallon: And so, like, when I think about my friend, He was at a job for like, you know, 10, 15 years where he just knew what he was doing all day, every day. He nailed it. Right. It's like your zone of genius. It's like, if I walk in for me personally, and I'm going to teach a group fitness class, I'm probably going to be great because it's just something I know I'm really good at, but put me in a different situation.
Fallon: I'm going to be like, oh gosh. Right. So it's like meeting, meeting your edges, meeting the discomfort, getting out of your comfort zone, trying something new, expanding your ability to hold discomfort by, but also claiming. Like, I'm ready for this. Even if I don't feel ready, doesn't mean I'm not ready. And everything is figureoutable.
Fallon: And like you said, like, most people are going to teach you. They're going to, like, so this kid, you know, if he's in the NFL, his coaches are going to tell him where he's weak. His coaches are going to tell him where he's strong. His coaches are going to [00:16:00] tell him all of that. But it's like continuing the belief in yourself.
Fallon: And, and, and kind of wrestling with the disbelief of like, I know that you're here because that's not going to go anywhere. I
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: don't think that that goes anywhere overnight. Again, always not letting that lead.
Abby: Well, and it's, and it's always about, it always comes back to you with all of this work noticing, like noticing what are the thoughts that are kind of swirling around anything that we're thinking, noticing what's coming up when you're feeling this imposter syndrome come in and when you're meeting your edges, as you said, and like, okay, what is the actual, just like circumstance of this?
Abby: What are the thoughts I'm having around it? What is that making? Like, what's that making me feel? And just questioning like, okay, what are the thoughts? And going back to Byron Katie, I love asking this question of. Well, is this 100 percent true? Because nothing [00:17:00] is 100 percent true and it's all perception.
Abby: So like if we already know the answer is like, no, of course this isn't 100 percent true. Then what could be more true? And then coming back to like a thing that feels a little bit more true, a little bit more, a little bit better in your body. And then being able to take action from that place of like, okay, I'm at a neutral, a neutral and better feeling place.
Abby: So what is the action that I actually want to take towards this thing that I want, knowing that I feel vulnerable, but also knowing that like, I'm worth it. And like, this is where you get to come back into the hot shit energy that we talked about in episode one of like, okay, I get to recognize my own gifts, my own value, my own worth and say yes to this thing that I want.
Fallon: Yes, I love that. And something I tell my daughter all the time is like, you know, she's exploring little boyfriends and stuff like that. And like, you're the gift. You're the gift. [00:18:00] And if we could all walk in reverence to that with ourselves, Not because we're better than the person next to us. They are also a gift, but they also get to own that for themselves.
Fallon: And then remembering that the feeling of being an imposter, again, it's a feeling, it's not a fact, and it doesn't mean that you're not meant to be there. Like, I really just have such a strong belief that everywhere we are, everywhere we go, everywhere we've been is exactly where we're supposed to be, who we've been supposed to, like, who we were supposed to be with in it.
Fallon: What, no matter what it is. And so just because you're feeling like, Oh man, I don't know this feel. I don't quite feel like myself. Remember you're just putting on like a new outfit that maybe you've never worn before, but it doesn't mean that the outfit's not for you. It doesn't mean you're not supposed to
Abby: it's like the, the new shoes too. Like new shoes. Sometimes you got to break them in until they're like perfectly molded to your feet. And so like the first couple times you wear them, it's going to feel maybe a [00:19:00] little bit weird. Like they're going to look really cute. So like keep that in mind. You're going to look cute and, but it might feel a little bit uncomfy. And so just keeping, just keeping that in mind is all I was going to say. And knowing that like everybody has these feelings and these thoughts. Like, I don't know if there's anybody in the history of the world, unless you're like a sociopath who, who hasn't, yeah, who hasn't been like, I don't know, you know, who hasn't questioned themselves.
Abby: And that's all this is. It's like questioning something new that your heart is telling you, I think this is for me.
Fallon: too, rather than trying to outrun, like I'm not a big fan of trying to outrun your feelings.
Abby: Mhm.
Fallon: I am a fan of like remembering our feelings aren't facts. That's something I always have to remind myself because I'm such a little sensitive soul, but trying to outrun it too. Like what if you sat with that imposter [00:20:00] feeling?
Fallon: Like where do you feel it in your body? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What does it feel like? Does it feel like, does it have a texture? Does it have a buzz? Is that like starting to actually name it and get familiar with it? Not because you're letting it take over, take the driver's seat, but because you're just giving it space to breathe.
Fallon: And I feel like if we could give ourselves a little bit more, again, like reverence and devotion to giving what's here space to breathe, then it's not feeling suffocated, trying to always come up for air. It's like, oh, I got my breath. And then really the. Like the pure kind of part of ourself, not the wounded part, not this, that the fearful part is able to recognize it for what it is a passing emotion, something that is just moving through something that just needs some breath, something that just needs some, like, I got you.
Fallon: I love you. I know we feel really awkward right now. We don't feel like we totally belong here, but I'm deciding we belong here. I'm deciding that there was always a chair at this table for us because nobody else can do that for you. And the other thing I would say about feeling like an imposter [00:21:00] is. You know, in your job or in sports or even in what I do, people see things in you that you don't see in yourself.
Fallon: So what if you let yourself be seen in that light too? Like people are not going to be putting into position that they don't see something in you to benefit the whole. They're just not, they're not going to be like, Oh, Sally in the corner over there. Doesn't seem like she can do this, but let's, let's just try her on for size.
Fallon: And you're, you're feeling like an imposter and that's okay, but. Somebody saw something in you, so start to see that in you as well.
Abby: Exactly. Exactly. I wanted to go back to, to one thing that you said, um, doing more of like the somatic work and dropping into where that feeling is in your body. Cause one thing that I do a lot with clients, um, in hypnosis is, and you can do this yourself too, but I think people just forget that you can do this, but dropping in like closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, breathing into wherever you feel in your [00:22:00] body, noticing if it looks like anything, if it, you know, collects.
Abby: Cause a lot of people might feel like, Oh, I have like, you know, a boulder on my back or something. Like they're feeling really tense or like really heavy and like, you can feel that like in your neck and shoulders. Then it's like, okay, then what needs to happen for that? For that boulder to go away and people will be like, well, you know, if you're like thinking about it, like if it's a cartoon, like I might have to explode it, or it might have to like roll down a hill or like whatever your mind comes up with that will alleviate that.
Abby: Or maybe it's like it explodes into like a bunch of butterflies and they fly away. Like whatever, I know I'm like, whatever, whatever needs to happen for that feeling to kind of transmute and for you to be able to transmute that within yourself. That's always an option that's available to you.
Fallon: And that's a powerful one, too, and I want to remind you that, like, that's your intuition.
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: So like, when you're doing that [00:23:00] visualization, it's like, okay, what does it need? Okay, it needs to roll, like you said, roll down a hill, whatever it needs, it's, you're not just coming up with that. Just from your brain, your heart, your body, the wisdom that runs through your veins is telling you exactly this is what we can do to eliminate this or
Abby: To move it.
Fallon: yeah, remove it, neutralize it at the very least.
Fallon: So really trust the wisdom of the body of whatever comes through in that visual for you. That that is. The medicine.
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: Yeah, I love this. And I would say the somatics are key.
Abby: Mm hmm. It
Fallon: You know, we, we weren't taught somatic work growing up. Nobody, no teachers were like, get up and like, you know, shake it off. And like, where do you feel it in your, like, this is all, I would say, quote, unquote, newer.
Fallon: Work, but it's some of the most powerful. And there's a reason I remember when I used to teach CrossFit, I coached CrossFit [00:24:00] and I would teach people Olympic weightlifting and it was something I was really good at, uh, in, in like cleaning people up or getting them to believe in themselves. Cause like when you're like lifting, you know, weight that's heavy and you're actually having to like clean it or snatch it.
Fallon: And that means like getting under the weight is a scary. And so I would always drop them into a quick visual. I'm going to pause like you're trying to rush through it. Pause. Take a breath. Close your eyes. See yourself doing it. Once you see yourself doing it, open your eyes, put your hands on the barbell and almost every time they would execute it and it was just that pause.
Fallon: It was like literally maybe 20, 30 seconds where they would just take a breath because we don't, again, we're not, we're not taught to slow down, take a breath. And then once they saw themselves, pause. They could see themselves going through the lift and I mean, really incredible coaches do this with their athletes all the time.
Fallon: And so we get to do this in every area of our life and it really works.
Abby: does. And so you bring it, bringing it back to your imposter syndrome. If you are putting [00:25:00] yourself out there, you're putting yourself out there, just, I mean, you can do this exact same thing. You can picture yourself, you know, when you get into notice the feeling, it's like, Oh, Like, how do I want to feel instead?
Abby: How do I want to do this? You know, take a breath, get yourself back to that neutral place and see yourself doing the thing. You're going really well. See them being like, Oh my God, I'm so glad that this person reached out because I've been really needing somebody like this. You know, whatever you get to write that story.
Abby: We're always writing stories in our head all the time. So it's like the story could be, Oh my God, I'm so unqualified. I can't even believe I'm applying for this job. Or I can't even believe I'm like putting myself out there in this way. Or I can't even believe I'm like leading this class and I've never done this thing before. Or it could be like, Oh my God, like this person, I can't believe this person reached out. I can't wait to work with her. Oh my God. I'm so pumped that this person's leading this class because I've really been wanting her to be in this position and I can't wait to learn from [00:26:00] her or whatever you get to write that story for you
Fallon: You are the decider. And if you, if that doesn't feel like you can get to that point. yet, then do like, like literally do some somatic work of shaking, shaking it off, shaking off like all the discomfort, being with the imposter part of you. Be like, what does she need to kind of like move? It's like the same thing with like scarcity feelings.
Fallon: What if you met them first, had some tea with them or coffee, whatever biscuits, I don't know. And then you like, we're like, okay, we're going to shake this. We're going to break this up. And then a lot of times through that process, then what I'll be saying is you can reach that a little bit easier. If that doesn't come right away, if that feels like you're fighting against yourself, then go into the energy work of shaking and breaking off the parts of you that feel just yuck about all of it.
Fallon: Remembering that they're just feelings, not facts. Drilled that home.
Abby: at the end of the day. You're the one who gets the right, [00:27:00] who gets to write this story for you and, and we've all felt this way. Like I said, everyone has felt this way in the history of all time.
Fallon: Yeah. You're not special.
Abby: You're very special. We love you. But you're not special in this way.
Fallon: Yeah. Yes. You're not, you're not special in that way, because we all, we all like, obviously I have felt it and congratulations. If you're feeling like an imposter because you're putting yourself out there,
Abby: Exactly. You're trying to do
Fallon: you. You're not be, you're not choosing to stay in the same. You're choosing to explore more of who you are in this world, more of what you have to offer in this world.
Fallon: And I applaud you.
Abby: Yeah. And if you feel this feeling all the time, again, congratulations because you just means you're doing a lot of cool shit that other people don't have maybe the same, um, the same bravery to do.
Fallon: We love you.
Abby: We love you.
Fallon: Let us know where you felt imposter [00:28:00] syndrome, how you moved through it, what worked for you, where you might be feeling it now tag Abby and I we'd love to hear it and we'll talk to you so soon.
Abby: I'll talk to you soon. night.
Fallon: And then, you know, champagne problems. I have an adjustable bed.
Abby: Mm.
Fallon: We're stuck in like an elevated position with our feet and like kind of like this, like, and so I like,
Fallon: to fall asleep to, but then I always go flat
Abby: Mm-Hmm.
Fallon: go flat. And I was like, oh, fuck the power's out.
Abby: Mm-Hmm.
Fallon: So Nova and I were up at like 1 a. m. talking.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: Because she couldn't sleep either till the power came back on. So how come you slept terribly baby stuff or just,
Abby: No, I, it, it also got hot here for some reason, like, I don't know, four or five in the morning. And the thing is, is I always turn the heat, not the heat up, but I turn the air conditioning down. And I guess so that it's a higher temperature at night because it gets really cold in the baby's room.
Fallon: [00:29:00] uh,
Abby: like, I don't know, even if it's just set to like 68 total because the thermostats in the hallway.
Abby: So it's like warm in the hallway, but then it's like really cold in the bedrooms. So it'll get down to like 64. In his room and he sleeps fine with that, but I always like, you know, freak out because like one time I checked it and it was like 62 and I'm like, okay, are we like freezing in here?
Fallon: Yeah. Are you alive?
Abby: So, um, so I always get paranoid about that.
Abby: So it just, it was like hot this morning and I don't know, I feel like I just couldn't get into a good position. And I don't know if this is a pregnancy thing, but I definitely noticed this after. Is that when I sleep on my stomach, which is where I love sleeping pre pregnancy, now it kind of hurts my lower back.
Abby: And so that's sad because I'll like try to turn to my stomach and then I like won't be able to sleep because my lower back's hurting unless my feet are in like a certain position and it's a whole thing.
Fallon: Yeah, it is. I get it. Um, I just barely started to be able to sleep [00:30:00] on my stomach probably in the last year again.
Abby: That's so interesting.
Fallon: it was so weird.
Abby: This is like the abs or the core, like something going on with that, I guess.
Fallon: I don't know. Yeah. Or the other way, maybe the body shifts its alignment with
Fallon: the hips then. I don't know. Yeah.
Abby: So here we are. We made it.
Fallon: Yeah. We're here. Do we want to just drop right in or do you want to talk about the notes?
Abby: Um, the, the notes that I, that I wrote down was. This is something literally everybody experiences, so it's like not something to be scared of or like freak out about if you're feeling imposter syndrome, because like. I think we've all been there.
Abby: Um, I wrote, as with anything, it all goes back to noticing what thoughts come and go around this thing that you feel an imposter around, go through the process, what am I noticing?
Abby: Is this true? Blah, blah, blah, kind of like how you [00:31:00] walk yourself through it.
Abby: Um, where this often comes up around, which I would say like jobs, you know, where it comes up the most, at least for me. Um, notice the assumptions of this, I started this, notice the assumptions and comparisons are making about the other people involved.
Abby: Like, Oh, there's so much better than me or like they're more, they have more qualifications or they're smarter. Their family is better. Are they whatever, all the things. And then I said, this is where we bring it back to the hot shit energy of recognizing your gifts, your talents, your strengths, and giving yourself the love and the reminder that of your own inherent worth.
Fallon: I love it.
Abby: That's what I got.
Fallon: Cool.
Abby: Cool. Done. Episode done.
Fallon: Done. Complete. Hope you enjoyed the listen. Bye. See you in two weeks. Uh, yeah. Mine's like, is it even real?
Abby: [00:32:00] hmm.
Fallon: And then I feel like the, the way to move through it is with action. Like you, you, you've got to, you've just got to keep stepping into action, right? Like doing the belief work that you said, and then
Abby: The last thing is what action do you want to take then? hmm.
Fallon: and what action do you not want to take? Because that's also a thing. Um, I'm going to just remind, remembering that it doesn't mean that you're not meant to be there. Okay,
Abby: So good.
Fallon: Jennifer, chop that up.
Abby: All right. That's it.
Fallon: episode. We didn't sleep well last night.
Abby: Just a quick episode for when you're just getting in your car. And then once your car started, it's over.
Fallon: complete. Jennifer, these would be good bloopers. God, we nailed it today. The timer is like 6 minutes and 47 seconds.
Abby: And the first, [00:33:00] like, four minutes talking about how terribly we slept last night.
Fallon: God, I slept awful. Me too. My fucking adjustable bed got stuck. The nerve of this life that I live.
Abby: I know, so
Fallon: So funny though when the power went out because I was like, man, you know, I'm really grateful for fucking power.
Abby: yeah, right.
Fallon: Yeah. And it was creepy because I came upstairs to check. It was so dark. And I was like, whoa, like it's really dark in here. Cause I always have like little lights on around the house. You know,
Abby: Yeah. It's so funny that you say that because I literally had the same thought yesterday that I I'm so grateful for power because it was super dark yesterday when we woke up. It was just like a rainy day and it hadn't started raining, but then it started raining after Jameson left and it was [00:34:00] like crazy storming and rain.
Abby: And, um, and I was like, Oh God, I really hope the power doesn't go out. And then I was like, I mean, yeah, that would be annoying, but also remember like when we didn't have power and people just like still lived and everything was fine.
Fallon: they survived.
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: It reminds me of when I didn't have power after Hurricane Sally. And it was like, we just made stuff on the gas grill and had a, we did have a generator,
Fallon: but like, there was very little that, I mean, that just produced very little of like necessities and
Fallon: just kind of rolled with it. Wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't the worst discomfort I've ever felt. I think emotional discomfort has been worse than that.
Abby: Yeah, totally.
Fallon: Yeah. So when have you. I know that you were saying you felt imposter syndrome with jobs, and I do think that that's where we mostly hear it. Like, it reminds me of my friend. I won't say his name.
Fallon: Hopefully, I won't slip. But he got a new [00:35:00] job in the last few years, and he was like, man, my imposter syndrome is like, uh, like, I just don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm around all these really incredible, smart people. And he's somebody that's, you know, Like I would consider highly intelligent
Fallon: and also really down to earth and witty and, and funny and, um, so it was interesting to hear him really move through these feelings of imposter syndrome on this new job.
Abby: Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I think Jennifer, we can just start it there.
Fallon: we've, yeah, I'm
Abby: Yeah. But, um, yeah, I think when it comes to imposter syndrome for me, when I, when I say about jobs and also when I think of. Imposter syndrome. I think that specifically for women too, that it, I know there's been some study that was done about how, you know, women will often not apply for jobs that they don't think they're qualified for, you know, because of this kind of imposter syndrome of like, Oh, I haven't done [00:36:00] enough or I haven't, I don't have enough qualifications or I don't have the right experience or whatever.
Abby: Whereas many men will be like, Yeah, I don't have any of the experience, but like, fuck it. I'll just, I'll apply.
Fallon: amazing.
Abby: Why not? That's not to say all men do that or think that, but like, you know, there's definitely
Fallon: think they're more wired that way than we are.
Abby: yes. And yeah, for me in the past, um, that's definitely been, I think where it comes into play the most is just like, am I like, have I done enough?
Abby: Um, do I have enough knowledge around this thing? Have I done enough work? Have I, have I done enough experience? All of that kind of stuff that comes into play before you feel, before you feel like worthy of pitching yourself as this thing or in this role or whatever, whatever it is.
Fallon: Yeah. And I also think like, have I earned it?
Fallon: Right. Earned [00:37:00] this? Like, and then what does that even mean?
Fallon: Like, what are we defining as earning position or an elevation in your life? Whether it's in like a corporate type, you know, traditional job, or if you're an entrepreneur and a coach, like, have I earned this level of where I'm at?
Abby: Mm hmm. And.
Fallon: Go ahead.
Abby: I was going to say, and like, am I the type of person, quote unquote, whatever that means, who like, who deserves this kind of thing? Or like, did I come from the right background or the right family or all of that, all of the things that kind of swirl around in your brain when you are putting yourself out there, when you're being vulnerable and it's something that, you know, if you feel like an imposter, then there's, There's a deep kind of yearning for whatever it is that you really want to be able to step into this thing, you know?
Abby: And it's so interesting, the assumptions that we make about other people, because we always assume that [00:38:00] everybody else like has their life together and has better qualifications or has like better enoughness than we do.
Fallon: Yeah, and it's such a, I don't even like the term syndrome.
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: It's like implying something's
Fallon: wrong with you and that somehow it's real, right? That somehow because we have syndrome attached to imposter, that somehow then it makes it real that you are an imposter and that that is your problem. That you are now in a syndrome of being an imposter.
Fallon: And
Abby: knows if you can be cured?
Fallon: Yeah. Yeah. Can you, can it, can you, can you be fixed? Right? Like, can that be fixed? And it's interesting because it's a feeling. It's not even, it doesn't qualify you or disqualify you. It's literally a feeling that you carry that we all have experienced. That can be remedied, and in my opinion, can be remedied through action. [00:39:00] What is the next thing? So I feel imposter syndrome oftentimes when I'm around people who I feel like are more successful than me. I'm like, oh man, I don't know. Have I done the things to be able to be in this room? And it's like, I get to decide that yes, I have. And what does doing the things even mean? Right. I don't know. And that's where we get to look at like, what are we making it mean? How are we defining the things? But I know like before I started doing team synergy days with, um, clients, so I go into their businesses and I do a whole team building day with their, for anywhere from like seven to 10 women. And, you know, I've got the CEO there and there it's, it's a lot. And I remember before I did it, I was like, my, my client at the time said, will you come do this work? For my, for my team, I said, sure. So it's like, just say yes, and then figure it out. Everything's figureoutable. And so I just remembered and I was like, okay, well, all I'm doing is taking what I. Teach [00:40:00] individually and I'm making it into a day. And so just what is the next step? And so for me, the next step was like, okay, well, what, how do I want the first hour of this day to look? Cause it's an eight hour day, basically six to eight hour day. And then I just went hour to hour, you know? And then the first time I was really nervous and I was like, Ooh, I don't know, this is going to be interesting.
Fallon: And then you just build up your confidence through that action. Right.
Abby: Yeah. And, and then the same way of, and taking this into like a, a conventional job situation, any job, if you're applying for a job, any job is, even if you don't have the right experience, they're going to teach you what they want you to do on the job. I think we've all like learned that time after time, you're like, Oh God.
Abby: I don't know what I'm doing. And then like, they literally just tell you exactly what they need you to do, unless you're coming in and you'd like, don't have any coding experience and you're like, you're like made up that you have all this coding experience and you're like just trying to be writing code and you don't know how to do that.
Abby: But like, I would say the majority of [00:41:00] jobs, if they're not like highly specialized skills, they will teach you the things that you need to know. And so in that kind of a situation, just. Yes. Taking the action, taking the, the first step of just like applying with the, the intention, like, and, and with the knowledge of like, I'm worthy of at least putting my, my hat in the ring for this thing, you know, cause that in itself, like that, the action, taking action with like, I'm worthy of this thing that I want is what, you know, moves the needle forward for you.
Fallon: Yeah. And what if we shifted imposter syndrome to like meeting your edges? That's what syndrome's like, you're actually just out of your comfort zone.
Fallon: You were at a job, or you were doing something, right, because actually the way this episode came up was a client asked us to talk about this.
Fallon: And this client has a nephew who, I can't remember, is it like collegiate football or heading into the NFL, but like, [00:42:00] isn't one of those kids that it sounds like to me that played football his entire life, but all of us, he's like, He's just got these natural gifts. And so a lot of times imposter syndrome, too, is like, maybe you're just really naturally gifted and you didn't have to go through the whole rigmarole that a lot of people, other people do, not that they're also not naturally gifted, but it's different. But also remember, it's just you meeting your edges.
Fallon: And so, like, when I think about my friend, He was at a job for like, you know, 10, 15 years where he just knew what he was doing all day, every day. He nailed it. Right. It's like your zone of genius. It's like, if I walk in for me personally, and I'm going to teach a group fitness class, I'm probably going to be great
Fallon: because it's just something I know I'm really good at, but put me in a different situation.
Fallon: I'm going to be like, oh gosh. Right. So it's like meeting, meeting your edges, meeting the discomfort, getting out of your comfort zone, trying something new, expanding your ability to hold discomfort by, but also claiming. Like, I'm ready for this. Even if I don't feel ready, doesn't mean I'm not ready. And [00:43:00] everything is figureoutable. And like you said, like, most people are going to teach you. They're going to, like, so this kid, you know, if he's in the NFL, his coaches are going to tell him where he's weak.
Fallon: His coaches are going to tell him where he's strong. His coaches are going to tell him all of that. But it's like continuing the belief in yourself. And, and, and kind of wrestling with the disbelief of like, I know that you're here because that's not going to go anywhere. I
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: don't think that that goes anywhere overnight. Again, always not letting that lead.
Abby: Well, and it's, and it's always about, it always comes back to you with all of this work noticing, like noticing what are the thoughts that are kind of swirling around anything that we're thinking, noticing what's coming up when you're feeling this imposter syndrome come in and when you're meeting your edges, as you said, and like, okay, what is the actual, just like circumstance of this?
Abby: What are the thoughts I'm having around it? What is that making? Like, what's that making me feel? And just questioning like, [00:44:00] okay, what are the thoughts? And going back to Byron Katie, I love asking this question of. Well, is this 100 percent true? Because nothing is 100 percent true and it's all perception.
Abby: So like if we already know the answer is like, no, of course this isn't 100 percent true. Then what could be more true? And then coming back to like a thing that feels a little bit more true, a little bit more, a little bit better in your body. And then being able to take action from that place of like, okay, I'm at a neutral, a neutral and better feeling place.
Abby: So what is the action that I actually want to take towards this thing that I want, knowing that I feel vulnerable, but also knowing that like, I'm worth it. And like, this is where you get to come back into the hot shit energy that we talked about in episode one of like, okay, I get to recognize my own gifts, my own value, my own worth and say yes to this thing that I want.
Fallon: Yes, I love that. [00:45:00] And something I tell my daughter all the time is like, you know, she's exploring little boyfriends and stuff like that. And like, you're the gift. You're the gift. And if we could all walk in reverence to that with ourselves, Not because we're better than the person next to us. They are also a gift, but they also get to own that for themselves. And then remembering that the feeling of being an imposter, again, it's a feeling, it's not a fact, and it doesn't mean that you're not meant to be there.
Fallon: Like, I really just have such a strong belief that everywhere we are, everywhere we go, everywhere we've been is exactly where we're supposed to be, who we've been supposed to, like, who we were supposed to be with in it. What, no matter what it is. And so just because you're feeling like, Oh man, I don't know this feel. I don't quite feel like myself. Remember you're just putting on like a new outfit that maybe you've never worn before, but it doesn't mean that the outfit's not for you. It doesn't
Fallon: [00:46:00] mean you're not supposed to
Abby: it's like the, the new shoes too. Like new shoes. Sometimes you got to break them in until they're like perfectly molded to your feet. And so like the first couple times you wear them, it's going to feel maybe a little bit weird. Like they're going to look really cute. So like keep that in mind.
Abby: You're going to look cute and, but it might feel a little bit uncomfy. And so just keeping, just keeping that in mind is all I was going to say. And knowing that like everybody has these feelings and these thoughts. Like, I don't know if there's anybody in the history of the world, unless you're like a sociopath who, who hasn't, yeah, who hasn't been like, I don't know, you know, who hasn't questioned themselves.
Abby: And that's all this is. It's like questioning something new that your heart is telling you, I think this is for me.
Fallon: too, rather than trying to outrun, like I'm not a big fan of trying to outrun your feelings.[00:47:00]
Abby: Mhm.
Fallon: I am a fan of like remembering our feelings aren't facts. That's something I always have to remind myself because I'm such a little sensitive soul, but trying to outrun it too. Like what if you sat with that imposter feeling?
Fallon: Like where do you feel it in your body? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What does it feel like? Does it feel like, does it have a texture? Does it have a buzz? Is that like starting to actually name it and get familiar with it? Not because you're letting it take over, take the driver's seat, but because you're just giving it space to breathe.
Fallon: And I feel like if we could give ourselves a little bit more, again, like reverence and devotion to giving what's here space to breathe, then it's not feeling suffocated, trying to always come up for air. It's like, oh, I got my breath. And then really the. Like the pure kind of part of ourself, not the wounded part, not this, that the fearful part is able to recognize it for what it is a passing emotion,
Fallon: something that is just moving through something that just needs some breath, something that just needs some, like, I got you. I love you. I know we feel really awkward right now. We don't feel like we totally belong here, but [00:48:00] I'm deciding we belong here. I'm deciding that there was always a chair at this table for us because nobody else can do that for you. And the other thing I would say about feeling like an imposter is. You know, in your job or in sports or even in what I do, people see things in you that you don't see in yourself. So what if you let yourself be seen in that light too? Like people are not going to be putting into position that they don't see something in you to benefit the whole. They're just not, they're not going to be like, Oh, Sally in the corner over there. Doesn't seem like she can do this, but let's, let's just try her on for size.
Fallon: And you're, you're feeling like an imposter and that's okay, but. Somebody saw something in you, so start to see that in you as well.
Abby: Exactly. Exactly. I wanted to go back to, to one thing that you said, um, doing more of like the somatic work and dropping into where that feeling is in your body. Cause one thing that I do a lot with clients, [00:49:00] um, in hypnosis is, and you can do this yourself too, but I think people just forget that you can do this, but dropping in like closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, breathing into wherever you feel in your body, noticing if it looks like anything, if it, you know, collects.
Abby: Cause a lot of people might feel like, Oh, I have like, you know, a boulder on my back or something. Like they're feeling really tense or like really heavy and like, you can feel that like in your neck and shoulders. Then it's like, okay, then what needs to happen for that? For that boulder to go away and people will be like, well, you know, if you're like thinking about it, like if it's a cartoon, like I might have to explode it, or it might have to like roll down a hill or like whatever your mind comes up with that will alleviate that.
Abby: Or maybe it's like it explodes into like a bunch of butterflies and they fly away. Like whatever,
Abby: I know I'm like, whatever, whatever needs to happen for that feeling to kind of transmute and for you to be able to transmute that within [00:50:00] yourself. That's always an option that's available to you.
Fallon: And that's a powerful one, too, and I want to remind you that, like, that's your intuition.
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: So like, when you're doing that visualization, it's like, okay, what does it need? Okay, it needs to roll, like you said, roll down a hill, whatever it needs, it's, you're not just coming up with that. Just from your brain, your heart, your body, the wisdom that runs through your veins is telling you exactly this is what we can do to eliminate this or
Abby: To move it.
Fallon: yeah, remove it, neutralize it at the very least.
Fallon: So really trust the wisdom of the body of whatever comes through in that visual for you. That that is. The medicine.
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: Yeah, I love this. And I would say the somatics are key.
Abby: Mm hmm. It
Fallon: You know, we, we weren't taught somatic work growing up. Nobody, no teachers were like, get up and like, you know, shake it off. And [00:51:00] like, where do you feel it in your, like, this is all, I would say, quote, unquote, newer. Work, but it's some of the most powerful. And there's a reason I remember when I used to teach CrossFit, I coached CrossFit and I would teach people Olympic weightlifting and it was something I was really good at, uh, in, in like cleaning people up or getting them to believe in themselves. Cause like when you're like lifting, you know, weight that's heavy and you're actually having to like clean it or snatch it.
Fallon: And that means like getting under the weight is a scary. And so I would always drop them into a quick visual. I'm going to pause like you're trying to rush through it. Pause. Take a breath. Close your eyes. See yourself doing it. Once you see yourself doing it, open your eyes, put your hands on the barbell and almost every time they would execute it and it was just that pause.
Fallon: It was like literally maybe 20, 30 seconds where they would just take a breath because we don't, again, we're not, we're not taught to slow down, take a breath. And then once they saw themselves, pause. They could see themselves going through the lift and I mean, really incredible coaches do this with their athletes all the time. [00:52:00] And so we get to do this in every area of our life and it really works.
Abby: does. And so you bring it, bringing it back to your imposter syndrome. If you are putting yourself out there,
Abby: you're putting yourself out there, just, I mean, you can do this exact same thing. You can picture yourself, you know, when you get into notice the feeling, it's like, Oh, Like, how do I want to feel instead?
Abby: How do I want to do this? You know, take a breath, get yourself back to that neutral place and see yourself doing the thing.
Abby: You're going really well. See them being like, Oh my God, I'm so glad that this person reached out because I've been really needing somebody like this. You know, whatever you get to write that story.
Abby: We're always writing stories in our head all the time. So it's like the story could be, Oh my God, I'm so unqualified. I can't even believe I'm applying for this job. Or I can't even believe I'm like putting myself out there in this way. Or I can't even believe I'm like leading this class and I've never done this thing before.
Abby: Or it could be like, Oh my God, [00:53:00] like this person, I can't believe this person reached out. I can't wait to work with her. Oh my God. I'm so pumped that this person's leading this class because I've really been wanting her to be in this position and I can't wait to learn from her or whatever you get to write that story for you
Fallon: You are the decider. And if you, if that doesn't feel like you can get to that point. yet, then do like, like literally do some somatic work of shaking, shaking it off, shaking off like all the discomfort, being with the imposter part of you. Be like, what does she need to kind of like move? It's like the same thing with like scarcity feelings. What if you met them first, had some tea with them or coffee, whatever biscuits, I don't know. And then you like, we're like, okay, we're going to shake this. We're going to break this up. And then a lot of times through that process, then what I'll be saying is you can reach that a little bit easier. If that doesn't come right away, if that feels like you're fighting against yourself, then go into the energy work of shaking and breaking off the parts of you that [00:54:00] feel just yuck about all of it.
Fallon: Remembering that they're just feelings, not facts. Drilled that home.
Abby: at the end of the day. You're the one who gets the right, who gets to write this story for you and, and we've all felt this way. Like I said, everyone has felt this way in the history of all time.
Fallon: Yeah. You're not special.
Abby: You're very special. We love you. But you're not special in this way.
Fallon: Yeah. Yes. You're not, you're not special in that way, because we all, we all like, obviously I have felt it and congratulations. If you're feeling like an imposter because you're putting yourself out there,
Abby: Exactly. You're trying to do
Fallon: you. You're not be, you're not choosing to stay in the same. You're choosing to explore more of who you are in this world, more of what you have to offer in this world. And I applaud you.
Abby: Yeah. And if you feel this feeling all the time, again, congratulations because you just means you're doing a lot of cool shit that other people don't have [00:55:00] maybe the same, um, the same bravery to do.
Fallon: We love you.
Abby: We love you.
Fallon: Let us know where you felt imposter syndrome, how you moved through it, what worked for you, where you might be feeling it now tag Abby and I we'd love to hear it and we'll talk to you so soon.
Abby: I'll talk to you soon.