On Black.

What’s been your happiest memory this past year? Listen to OnBlack as we discuss the lies behind truths, the titles we would give this chapter in our lives, a stranger/insignificant comment that changed our lives, and our rise to evil!

What is On Black.?

A WKNC commentary podcast about living and evolving while Black, hosted by Alexis Grant, Jeanine Ikekhua and Hamsata Mazou.

Alexis Grant 0:00
Hi, I'm Lexi.

Hamsata Mazou 0:01
I'm Hamsata

Jeanine Ikekhua 0:02
And I'm Jeanine.

Alexis Grant 0:03
And you're listening to WKNC 88.1 FM HD one radio. Thanks for listening

everybody, we're back.

Hamsata Mazou 0:17
Hello. Hi guys.

Alexis Grant 0:20
Today we're playing. We're not really strangers. We're going to do the level two questions. For the most part. If we want to get deeper, you know,

Jeanine Ikekhua 0:29
I don't need to hear sorry.

Hamsata Mazou 0:32

Alexis Grant 0:33
again, you know, y'all get to know us we get to know each other. We get to be a Kiki happy family. Okay, first question. What's been your happiest memory this past year? And on a on a year?

Hamsata Mazou 0:46
Yeah. Oh, I'm thinking

Alexis Grant 0:50
now I'm thinking to you guys anything. I do got something. Okay. Um, my man coming to visit

Jeanine Ikekhua 0:59
Can I get a paper?

Alexis Grant 1:02
Um, someone was preparing

um, yeah, it was a it was a good time.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:14
It was extra good week. I'm not making sorry. Oh.

Alexis Grant 1:19
Janina? Who's got to meet him, which was nice. Yeah, that might, that honestly might be I was I was pretty good. It was just like a continual just like, I was geeked. You know, went to sleep Geet woke up geeked are they geeked geeked up.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:36
I say minus, probably, um, I can't pick a specific woman for my study abroad. But just the entire thing to be honest with you. I had the time of my life. Like when I say the time my life I'm talking about the time of my life. It was honestly the best six months and I don't want to ever let go of it. But if I had to pick one within that there was a time where it was. Honestly, it was one of my birthday. I don't usually have like good birthdays. When people actually do something like, please get away from me. I don't want to do that. I just like to be by myself. But for the first time I wanted to be like around friends. So I went out to go eat with my friend on my birthday. And then we stayed up and went out like out in the town up until the very last moment on my birthday. And it was so much fun. Like, I was surrounded by friends. The next day my mom flew from the US to the UK on my birthday. So that's probably the happiest so so it was so beautiful. wholesome. Yeah, that's my family. Also. I probably got more but another favorite moment is my man who came over a couple I never told y'all. He came to the winter you know, but like

Hamsata Mazou 2:54
so many times this information, I felt almost like wow.

Jeanine Ikekhua 3:02
No, he was here though. He was in Raleigh last week. Oh, I think I told you he only came for three hours. And that was it? Yeah. Okay. Good. Three hours. Three hours.

Hamsata Mazou 3:18
Um, I don't know. I can't recall anything from this year to he ate. Humbling you. Um, but what I can't recall is a summer so I would say definitely just the summer in general. I really what was the question?

Alexis Grant 3:34
What's been your happiest memory this past year

Hamsata Mazou 3:37
will happiest memories. i i was just memory. Oh, memory had memories. memory memory. Oh,

Unknown Speaker 3:45
I mean, I did too. So

Alexis Grant 3:46
if you need to, but I feel like just let her roll with memories was gonna be too much or you

Hamsata Mazou 3:53
just want Oh, I was just say like being able to hang out with my friends this summer was super like fun and refreshing because I would say during the school year, oftentimes it's more of like a passive thing. In the summer I was definitely more intentional about it. And I just love just being able to hang out with people is still some I get my work done. I will say this week was kind of not so great on that balance. But for the most part it was like a fun memory that I'll definitely cherish about this summer.

Jeanine Ikekhua 4:22
You know, so funny. I feel like we all say we hang out while we're like during the school year, bro. We don't hang out we get together to do work. Oh.

Alexis Grant 4:31
It's like on accident. Like you said it's very passive. Like you run into somebody and now I'm spending the hour and a half with you.

Jeanine Ikekhua 4:36
It's so crazy. Like, oh, ACC start Starbucks real quick.

Alexis Grant 4:41
They're also going to tell you

Hamsata Mazou 4:44
oh, hang out, you know and then yeah, the summer actually ought to do things like go places and stuff and it's been fun to or just just going to places accidentally while hanging out that's like fun to like venture off campus since most of like the school year pretty centered onto like campus. So yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 5:03
no she triggered because I just I forgot that I traveled to all those countries.

Alexis Grant 5:07
Okay, next question. Are you lying to yourself about anything?

Hamsata Mazou 5:13
Damn, I feel like I'm about to pass this accounting class yeah

Jeanine Ikekhua 5:24
when I don't know what

Alexis Grant 5:25
to tack, so I thought you had something I do, but I'm gonna keep it together for now. Okay, let me think. Am I lying to myself about? Oh no. I feel like there's many things I'm lying to myself about partially? The little babies. And I feel like I couldn't. I don't know, I feel like I'm just Am I lying to myself? Or am I faking it till I make it? Yeah, somewhere in between.

Jeanine Ikekhua 5:55
I think I'm lying to myself.

Alexis Grant 5:57
I might be

Jeanine Ikekhua 5:59
like, Wait, why did why do you think that?

Alexis Grant 6:02
Cuz like, I'll tell myself things I want to hear sometimes. I don't even know. I feel like I like actually, I got it. I know what it is. Because it's encompasses all of them. I feel like I have to constantly lie to myself that I have it together just so I don't lose my mind. Because I know I don't have it together. Okay, okay. That's fine, though. I know. I know. I don't have it together. But in my head. I'm like, you've got it together. You got it together. And if I start really sitting down and being like, you have nothing together, I think I will lose it. No, that's

Hamsata Mazou 6:34
fine. Maybe I should try that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 6:39
Somebody in the park is somebody that I'm really concerned right now. You see, I can be our own guy. No advice, y'all. I'm Thomas, everything's gonna be fine. isn't really gonna be fine.

Alexis Grant 6:53

Jeanine Ikekhua 6:56
Oh, one thing I have learned. I don't know what it is. But like, you know, like, you go and you do something, but you're not really sure about it. But you just kind of say, You know what God will provide? Yeah, I think in the past couple of weeks. I don't know what it is. But I've just been trusting God more not just been like, give me pound. I've just been like, you know what, I don't want to ask this person for this. But I have no other choice. So I guess I have to. And then even before I get to ask the person, it's like, Okay, I'm gonna do this for you. Are you okay with that? I'm just like, well, that's God right there.

Alexis Grant 7:29
I need some of that. No, yeah. I mean, you get home let's

because he'd be like, I don't know what's wrong with me because I'd be I'd be doing my prayers or my my fast or my what my communications. He'd be chatting back to me. And he'd be getting the, you know, get in what needs to get done, done. And then I still don't go back to ask again. Yeah, I'm

Jeanine Ikekhua 7:50
saying, No, I saw this tick tock. It was so crazy. This person was like me asking God for signs, but he's looking at me like, can you get it together? I was like, That's

Unknown Speaker 8:01
it. Did you already give us a one

Alexis Grant 8:05
word? Answer? No, she

Jeanine Ikekhua 8:07
didn't. Oh. Oh, we die.

Alexis Grant 8:12
Yeah. Yeah. Kind of.

Jeanine Ikekhua 8:16
Oh, I had like, I had 110. I said I was lying to myself about my career.

Alexis Grant 8:21
Oh, you didn't say that. You said that. You say that? To myself, too. Later. You never mentioned that.

Hamsata Mazou 8:28
Along with Lexi stuff, and you just kind of never said your own solo statement.

Jeanine Ikekhua 8:33
Oh, I said, I feel like hold on. I'm gonna let you finish.

Alexis Grant 8:37
Keep sorry. I just need to hit the thing every once in a while. I'm still recording though.

Jeanine Ikekhua 8:41
Yeah. Okay.

Hamsata Mazou 8:44
Why do you need to like log back in? Just to make sure. Yeah.

Alexis Grant 8:47
I'd be a little scared.

Hamsata Mazou 8:50
Okay. We lost a whole episode.

Alexis Grant 8:54
It was terrifying.

Jeanine Ikekhua 8:57
Honestly, I feel like for a while I was I think I'm coming out of it. But I feel like for a while, I was lying to myself about my career. I'm kind of, I guess reaping when I sell. I said I wanted to do now don't get me wrong. I love my job. I currently work for the rally chamber. And I absolutely love my job. I think it's great. But I think one thing I realized was for so and I had this talk with somebody for so long. I said, like, I would never like I said, I'll do journalism. But then I kind of wavered a little bit because I was afraid of what would happen if I like wholeheartedly pursued just journalism, because if you're a journalist, you know, it's not that stable of a career unless you go into very specific fields, which I'm not going into. So I kind of lied and was like, you know, you don't want to be a journalist. Why you want to be that you don't want to be you want. You want to be a social media content creator, which is half true, but it's not the full truth, which is why I have my job. Now. I'm exploring that. But I also feel like if I had just taken the time to realize that you We're not like trying to, you're not that you don't actually like it, you're just afraid to take that big step. I would not be where I am now, I think that I definitely would have gone to the Raleigh chamber, of course, love my job. But I think I would have realized that, yes, I want to do social media, but I want to do journalism, and then social media, in addition to journalism, instead of making social media like my main everything, so I love my job now, because I can, I can learn skills from them, and hopefully take that further, but definitely was diluted by my career out of fear.

Alexis Grant 10:30
I fear that I get that because I was just talking to, I was just talking to two different people about this highlight, I see the potential myself to do the things I want to do. And I'm more afraid of succeeding and failing. Um, so much like the same fear that most people and even like I get from failure, I feel that with success, but like times two times three. And sometimes they'll prevent me from like, it not sometimes it prevents me from doing the things I want to do or achieving the things I want to achieve because I'm afraid to actually achieve them. Hmm, what title would you give this chapter in your life?

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:15
Drowning and thinking? I'm sorry. To stop because I'm gonna call you every day. Stop. Stop. What? You're nodding your head to draw it in the singer, please.

Hamsata Mazou 11:29
No, yeah. No, cuz I agree. I saw this one video. And it was like, everybody has a sacrifice season. And I feel like a minute. Sacrifice season.

Alexis Grant 11:44
I don't know what I'll call it. That's actually it's kind of clean sacrifice isn't like you that sounds like an album name like a that'd be good. Album. Project Name. Sacrifice season.

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:55
That's tough. Now, you know,

Alexis Grant 11:58
the jump on that sacrifice season is so tough,

Jeanine Ikekhua 12:00
but you better quote him sad. All right.

Hamsata Mazou 12:03
Hope lady who told me about it.

Jeanine Ikekhua 12:07
copyright issue. Sorry. I'm just trying to

Alexis Grant 12:08
give you props. That's our bed. Yeah, I think mine would just be a question mark. Just a question. And then if you really need words, you know that video of the girl What does that say a nya was? My title would just be the one off. And the question mark? Yes. Because I don't I don't know what's going what's yours? Janine? It better not actually be singing and drowning.

Jeanine Ikekhua 12:39
Notice I think in a drowning for the first time I feel okay. Um, I want to say the come up. Woohoo. Yeah, cuz I feel like I'm in like, I wouldn't say sacrifice but I wouldn't say like struggle. I would just say like, I'm in like, okay, business mode of like, what are we trying to do? We have all these opportunities, how we try to maximize our time, our efforts. How are you trying to maximize network and connection? That's probably where I am in the come up the next chapter. I know it's gonna be the grind because oh my gosh.

Alexis Grant 13:11
Nothing. No, like good mom. Like, yes.

Jeanine Ikekhua 13:17
But yeah, the come up.

Alexis Grant 13:19
Okay, next question. I'm sorry, we're forcing you to answer first of all, thank you for volunteering, um, finish this sentence. Strangers would describe me as blank. Only I know that I am blank.

Jeanine Ikekhua 13:40
I know what I'm gonna see. I was like, God, God, God, God.

Hamsata Mazou 13:45
Um, the first thing that comes to mind is I will say I'm going strangers. Like a lot of people see me as an outgoing person. I'm the second blank. I would say I'm just as equally like to myself. I feel like that's the aspect of me that I feel like I gets negated from like, the public viewpoint of just how much I do like my self alone time. And how much like I try to be yourself. Yeah.

Alexis Grant 14:19
You said you had yours.

Jeanine Ikekhua 14:21
I have to but I'm not going to spell the first one. I was gonna say people sound mean but I'm just direct. The one is, people say I'm an introvert. But I'm an extrovert. I just why you say that?

Alexis Grant 14:36
Because we've like touched on this before.

Jeanine Ikekhua 14:39
Yeah, no, I'm definitely an extrovert. Like I was talking to my best friend when I went to the UK. First of all, I didn't really post as well as I want in the UK, but I was outside every me was out like I wasn't city city country because like, I met random people in random places went to church once Within five minutes, or do you have to go to McDonald's? We plan a whole picnic the next day and we all went set picnic. One time met a friend. How did I remember how I met her, I think randomly on the street or something. And then, but I spent half my entire study abroad with her. She just graduated from the schools but might like like my final day with her and her friends. Crazy time we like went everywhere. It's crazy times I met my cousin's for the first time and then boom, we want to play to Italy. Like it was insane. Like I was just meeting the most random people that I don't even know. And we were just Okay, let's go. You want to go? Let's go up here. met somebody. I literally met somebody while walking up the stairs. Next day, we're in the movie theater watching Little Mermaid. Like, we went, gosh, I was on like, there was not a time where I did not meet someone. And we did not go do something like every single person I met. We went and we did something like I was outside. I made friends so quickly. It was actually insane. And I think one thing I realized is that when I also I think when I don't take friendships as seriously, because I don't feel the need. I feel like in the US, I feel the need to cling onto community so hard. Because I feel like if I don't like there's, I'm not gonna find that anywhere else. Does that make sense? Like if I can, you can, I can find community with a lot of people. But here, if you find your person, hold on now, hold on. No, because I don't know when next you're gonna find another person like that, because they're so rare. But I felt like they were just in abundance in the UK. And it was just everywhere. So I feel like I had I felt less pressure to like, hold on to my friends. So therefore I was able to like explore more, if that makes sense. And also I felt safer. I do not feel safe exploring friendships and especially NC State. Yes, fear. No, cuz somebody's gonna hurt somebody and somebody's gonna tell somebody. Next thing I know. Somebody come back to me like Janine, I heard that you prime example today. Janine, I heard that you. You whites. Like, how did you travel that fast? That's crazy.

Alexis Grant 17:01
Yeah, and she stayed. You think NC State's a WhatsApp group chat?

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:05
No, for real

Alexis Grant 17:08
thing. NC State's actually a WhatsApp group and they all active at the same time. But at the same time, bro, it'd be dead silent. And then everybody's saying everything and you're just like, Hey, yo, what's happening? What's going on? Oh, I didn't answer it. Oh, um, I think Strangers. Strangers would describe me

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:29

Alexis Grant 17:34
I'm gonna say extroverted only. Only. The only I know that I'm very shy. I'm a very shy person. I don't think anybody takes me serious when I say that. But it's just because I like Will. One if I feel comfortable around people, like I'm fine. There's no reason for me to be shy. And I think people don't see me be shy very often. My gosh, mastermix Allah, I don't think people see me be shy very often. Because I know some but like so many people on campus, and because I'm, like, constantly talking with people and stuff like that. But that's because that's a comfort zone. For me. It's not even necessarily something I always want to be doing. I don't even necessarily like the fact that I know as many people as I do. But it was like, That's my fallback, like mechanism. Like when I came here, I set out to meet as many people as possible so that I wouldn't have to be in spaces alone. Because I am shy. Like, if I'm in a space where I don't know anybody. I will not be the first to talk. I'm always fine responding. But I don't like like going out of my way to speak to somebody first is very nerve racking for me. And it takes a lot out of me. So there's only a few friends I have where I was the instigator. I'm not somebody who instigates speaking to people I don't know, unless it's like, somebody's like, Oh, this is my friend edited. Can you help that? And I can do it. Like for my job, it's fine. Because in my head, it's more of like a person, not a persona. It's not that being fake. But I'm not doing it. For the purposes of me. I'm doing it for the purposes of my job. So it's easier for me to do it for other reasons besides myself. But if it's just I want to talk for myself, or I want to meet somebody for myself is very hard for me to do that. I'm not. I'm extroverted in the sense of being around people gives me energy, but not in the sense of, I'm like, as outgoing as people tend to think I am. I feel like a lot of my outgoingness that's perceived is just because I forget there's people around so I just be doing whatever. Like I don't really have. I mean, I'm not an insecure person. I would say I'm pretty confident but I'm not as competent as people think I am just for the fact that it's not me doing it. Even though there's people there it's me forgetting that there's people who are seeing me when I do my like my stupid stuff. Have I just forget those people around?

Hamsata Mazou 20:02
So like, you're, you're, you're in your own little world, and people are just happened to be there viewing it. Yeah. Like,

Alexis Grant 20:11
I will forget all the time like me. Okay, you know how sometimes you'll see people going down the street and they play in their music out loud and they dancing and stuff? Yeah, you do do that. Yeah, but I don't. And like, I'll see people do that. I'm like, man, they little off, are they a little strange? And I don't even be thinking that that's how I look when I'm walking down the street playing my songs doing my dances, because in my head, no one's really seeing me for real, like, I'm in my own little bubble. No one can see what I'm doing.

Hamsata Mazou 20:38
I think that also shows how like, secure you are in self. You know what I mean? To the point that the outside world doesn't make a difference, and you're just living your life the way you'd like to and you feel most comfortable in?

Alexis Grant 20:56
Yeah, I would just I think that's it cuz I do get like, very shy. I have situational anxiety. I just create environments to where it doesn't pop up often. So I've created an environment here where I'm constantly like, I'm, it's very rare that I'm in a space where I don't know somebody. And sometimes it kind of annoys me, because even though I do get energy from people only goes up to a certain extent, like, I will get tired. Like, sometimes I'll be walking around and only be seen, I'm like, I'm happy to see that people that I know, because I enjoy the people that I know. But at the same time, it's a lot for me to like, I think I take it pretty well. And I take it pretty gracefully. But like I be getting tired of seeing people I know. But it's it's just a general thing. There's no like individual person I get tired of really, it's just like the amount. Yeah, it's the amount. It's just a lot.

Hamsata Mazou 21:51
I can agree to that too. Sometimes it does get exhausting. Like in the moment, at least for me, it's just like, well, yay. And then afterwards, I'm like, this kind of exhausted me. But I'm not like upset or anything. It's just exhausting.

Jeanine Ikekhua 22:04
No, I feel you're so much like, I get exhausted because I exert so much energy when I'm around people. But one thing I've been learning lately is if I go to somewhere because somebody asked me to or anything, and I don't like it, I've learned that don't just stay there and stuck it out. Like I've literally told myself like if you don't like it leaves, like find every way possible and be honest and be like, Hey, I know you say you want me to come I try my best I was here for 20 minutes, but go I got too deep because I'm done compromising my peace and compromising my alone time for somebody else or for something because it's my I get angry, like some people don't like when I don't want to be in a situation. But I feel like I have to be I get I get angry. Like I get very upset. And I will get angry at you. But I'll sit in the corner and then you go oh, she upset. And I just I don't want to do that. Why would be upset when I could just go home?

Alexis Grant 22:59
Happy upset when I can just go. You ever just get

Hamsata Mazou 23:02
like upset at yourself that you know what it is? What it is? Yes, I can totally relate to that test a bit. Like I know. At some point, I was like trying to be more stricter and just like prioritizing myself. And then my situations like unfolded where it just made more sense to like, you know, show up for somebody else because I can improve the situation. But I felt like I was doing a disservice to myself. And it just made me so upset. And then me being at that event. I didn't show up as my best self. And some people were even asking like, Hey, are you okay? And I'm like, Yeah, I'm okay. Like, what am I going to say? I don't really want to be here at somebody's important like a case like No, but it's definitely sometimes conflicting when you compromise your own self peace.

Alexis Grant 23:50
Great point. Okay, next question. Has a stranger ever changed your life?

Jeanine Ikekhua 23:57
Oh my god, I say something real dark. It's now dark. But it's kind of funny. It's also it's also not true. I must say my dad, but it's also not true. In my case. It was a lot

Alexis Grant 24:09
more concerned. She said it was funny. I'm like, am I supposed to laugh?

Jeanine Ikekhua 24:16
I feel like it's funny because you know, my dad, my dad is involved. I'm sorry. Sorry.

What's it called? It was because I saw something the other day I was talking about I was like, sorry. We can't take that as a sort of topic. No other topics come back. Okay. Do you want to know if the topic is that why you're staring at me?

Hamsata Mazou 24:39
Oh, she wanted to say Yes, I did. But that I had to remember we have something to stick by. And we have to all be held to that standard.

Alexis Grant 24:50
So is this something I can leave in or no? Because if not, no,

Jeanine Ikekhua 24:54
thank you because I'm thinking of how to move on. What was the question?

Alexis Grant 24:58
As a stranger ever changed your life? If

Hamsata Mazou 25:04
I'm thinking and I'm gonna have to just say no.

Jeanine Ikekhua 25:06
I'm thinking too because I feel like somebody has.

Hamsata Mazou 25:09
I feel like this potential I just can't recall. So my answer is gonna be No until otherwise fair.

Alexis Grant 25:15
I feel like yes too, but I can't think of like, the the instance I can think of some something someone said to me that wasn't, I wasn't close with them that stuck with me. But like, I want to call her a

Hamsata Mazou 25:31
stranger. Right? And I like the word stranger kinda is low, intense. I wouldn't say intense, but it kinda like shifts my understanding of some situations because there's some people like I don't know them well, but I wouldn't call them a stranger. Do you know what I mean?

Alexis Grant 25:46
Let's put it this way. Has somebody ever done or said something to you that changed your life that they didn't have a second thought about? You know what I mean?

Hamsata Mazou 25:57
Yes, it does give more leeway.

Jeanine Ikekhua 25:59
Oh, my mom. Sorry. Your mom, let my mom know. You might say something. No. Okay. My mom. Okay. Oh, no, not stranger. I say my mom in terms of like, I don't think she thought twice about it. But yeah, I said it. Oh, sorry. Oh. Oh, that's kind of crazy. I don't think she I don't think she thought twice about it before she said it. And the other ones gonna say was my own. It was like a church friend. My mom, when we were moving from Nigeria to the US, there was like, this moment where she like she wanted to do it. But I think she was scared of like how it would affect us. So then she asked me a question. And after that, like, I felt like her mind was made up and really for like, the next day, we were on the plane. And we left. She really asked, she was like, Do you want to move to America? And stupid me was like, oh, yeah, sure. I want to move to America. And like, I feel like after that the bags were packed. And she was like, yeah, it's time for us to go. And that always sticks with me, because it's like, it was such a small, insignificant thing. Until I started thinking and I said, Wait a minute. She really liked let that be the wrap of it. And was okay. That's the assurance that I need for my child. And I'm just like, I love my mom. But she really should have sat me down and be like, okay, America's not like the movies. I know, you went for the summer. And it was cute. And there was people everywhere. And that was, you know, that's real cute.

It was it was a little cute. Like, you got to make it easy to jump. It was cute, but like racism, xenophobia, like you're gonna be different. I don't think like that conversation really happened, my mom, but also I don't blame her because what's gonna happen regardless of whether I said yes or no, but it just feels like, literally, I said, Yes. And it was like, Okay, that's it. My daughter agrees. Let's go. And I was just like, Oh, crap.

Alexis Grant 27:50
So two questions. One, do you think things would have gone different? If you had said no?

Jeanine Ikekhua 27:57
Yeah. I think it would have I think my mom would have. I don't think she wouldn't have done it. But I think the way that we did it, she would have been a whole lot more like cradle like, if that makes sense. I feel like my mom's approach is so interesting. I feel like my mom's approach to me, like ever since we came to America was kind of just like, this is new territory. But she got like, she got it. And I can tell that because if you really think about it, she was not involved in my study abroad process. I told her where I was going, she was like, okay, cool. We have family there, that'll be good. I said, I wanted to go to China. She was like, no, but then I'm just like, in reality, if I really wanted to go, she would have let me. She's kind of very like, Okay, I trust you to make the right decision. Go ahead. And she kind of just like, leaves everything to me. Like when I was going to college and trying to make a decision. I shared stuff for her. But majority of it was kind of me and then my siblings would help me every now and then. But it really like yeah, I've really been like left to kind of do my own thing. I feel like if I had said no, and I had told you that I was anxious. I feel like she would have started credibly meat from that point. While we're in America. And I feel like that cradling would have trickled over to now. So when I like make decisions like going studying abroad, or like going to different countries, I feel like she would have been like hesitant about Hold on. Like, let's have a really serious, serious conversation. She had the conversation, but I think she would just have approached it differently. If I had made it aware that I have anxiety and fears about moving to the US. That was very interesting. Yeah.

Alexis Grant 29:29
Do you do you prefer Do you prefer how it is now? Or would you have not mind the cradling or you can't even like?

Jeanine Ikekhua 29:38
I don't know, it's so interesting to access because like the other day, I was with a group of friends. And they all have like their parents grew up in the US. They all grew up in North Carolina like their natives. And I can see how actively involved their parents are in their lives like they come to like one of them just like she moved to a different place. And like her parents will come and like they'll cook food with each other, like they'll have fun. And the other one like her parents, like take my card and go buy all this what you want to buy? Or like, they'll be like, oh, yeah, my mom was talking about like my decision to go and we were talking about and I'm trying to figure out together, or my friend the other day, like we weren't in a car, and it was raining really, really bad. And her mom before started raining, call them was okay. I know you're like 20 something minutes away, it might start raining, just to let you know. And I'm just like, my mum would never do those things. Just because like she's not actively involved in the day to day like she knows. She could tell you why I am and what I do. But she can't tell you what specifically goes on every single day. And it kind of just made me realize like, dang, like, I really be fending for myself sometimes, like, it really just be me, me and me and myself. Like, it's kind of I don't know, it's just, um, it kind of made me sad during the trip that I went to because I was like, dang, everybody's mother is so mother and father are like, so actively involved in their lives. And there's just like me where it's like, she's like, she's there like I can, I can call her like, she will drop everything if I needed something. But my mom does not know the day to day just because she's not here. And it kind of made me sex. I said, dang. Like, I really wish my mom didn't have to, like, I really wish I was back in Nigeria because she would be actively involved in everything because she knows like, already what the environment is like, so she could help. But here like, she doesn't know that much. Like I'm going into new territories that she's never heard of before. She's never like had to deal with with any of her kids. So it's kind of just like, it's just got to figure out on my own. It is what it is. I'm not gonna say I wish was different. I mean, it's sad sometimes, but it is what it is. I was kind of long. Sorry. Oh,

Alexis Grant 31:38
no, that was good. That was That was beautiful.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:42
Um, then. Okay, who's next?

Alexis Grant 31:44
I forgot the question.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:46
I'm not gonna lie. Me too.

Alexis Grant 31:48
Oh, somebody told you something. They didn't think twice about it.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:57
Oh, I was not expecting that. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Lexi. I'm so sorry. I'm not a dirty girl. I promise. I promise. Can you think of anything? You said? No. No, no, we

Alexis Grant 32:13
made a new new new. Yeah, the new key thing anything? Was new version. Has somebody done or said anything to you that they didn't think twice about? But it's like stuck with you?

Hamsata Mazou 32:27
I don't know if the person didn't think twice about it. But I do know, I was hanging out with a friend. And this person was like, what is it exchange student like they're only here for a little bit. And we were hanging out. And because we didn't know each other that well, they literally just transferred his university and stuff. And they were telling me how like, they can see actually pause. I want to maybe answer the original question. Okay. Okay. I don't know if they, you can take moments, but in general, just like when strangers like, tell me like, it'd be like, for instance, like sometimes an Uber ride sometimes when I'm like, getting a service done or something. And somebody's just like, Yeah, I can see you being like, successful or like, I see this for you and just being like, affirmative of affirming, like my future being great. It's very, like, what's the word? Touching? Yes. And somewhat securing as well of just like, okay, like what I see in myself, other people can see it too. And I can definitely get to the places that I think of, and it's usually off of like, short interactions as well in that, like, these strangers can like, tell me these things. That's good.

Alexis Grant 33:49
That's good. I think the one that I can think of which I think, Oh, I feel like I've maybe quoted on the podcast before. And I just think it's, it's really just stuck with me, because it really is such good advice. And it seems so simple. But I don't think people take it as seriously as it needs to be said, but my friend had told me and this was like, this is a friend that I met like, online, somehow, she lives out in Cali. And she was like, going through something with her man that we were talking about it. And just in the midst of our conversation, she was just like, yeah, like, if I could tell you anything, the problems that you have at the beginning of a relationship are going to be the reasons why you break up. And that is just forever stuck with me. And I think that's part of the reason why I don't let like how I said, like, I don't even allow yellow flags. I think that's why because if I see a yellow flag is already red to me. Especially if it's like I'm just meeting you. I just get to that's why I never I never got involved. I think with anybody that was like overtly toxic or like, I don't know, I just feel like I can recognize the signals very early and any signals that that like a person would give me is just amplified and that's why I just never got involved with anybody. Or I could never even in the future, like, God forbid if I don't end up with this man. Anyways, like if I have to be out in the dating pool, whatever again, like I can't ever foresee myself being with somebody who is going to have like, just like a horrific habits or like really bad habits in the sense of like treating me bad. Like you know overt jealousy like any of that because those little signals at the beginning like I just amplify them automatically.

Jeanine Ikekhua 35:44
I'm gonna say something I feel like you're gonna take offense, but it's about the both of us. I feel like I feel like we could be very toxic individual.

Alexis Grant 35:55
I don't think so. Why did

Jeanine Ikekhua 36:00
I say that? And I feel like because we can be very toxic we choose not to be let's get that clear. We choose Oh, we can't be Oh, yes. No, like, could we horrific. I could be nasty. What let me tell you something. The day that I decide, You know what? You can remember my name. You gotta remember my name and my face and everything in between the day that I decided that about a man that's over. You will never forget me. I make it what? I will toxify your whole life and not think twice. If you want to go let's go. Okay, but I choose not to be I'm an angry No.

Alexis Grant 36:37
Oh my gosh, no. Yeah, that's because I really feel like I could be horrific. I feel like I could be. I could be so far as I could be like, suffer. I could be some nice people's worst nightmare if I want it to be but like, why would I do that?

Jeanine Ikekhua 36:51
No, it literally makes no sense. The reason why I say that is because I feel like we can be because we can be. I feel like we're able to recognize it and others. Because there's some things that like you know what,

Alexis Grant 37:03
I think you're really onto something. I think you're really awesome. Because I think I see it and I'm like I can see exactly how to manipulate. Like I could accept me

Jeanine Ikekhua 37:13
You're so no yes. Yeah, because some things I've seen, I'd be like if that was me. I know exactly what I'm trying to do right now. And I'd be like, nah, nah, shut it. Shut it shut down. I blocked not on my blog. Nope. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. How do you feel about that? Do you think it's easy? Maybe you like my son

now we played

Hamsata Mazou 37:46

Alexis Grant 37:50
Just about to say no.

Jeanine Ikekhua 37:52
I don't know. Oh, my God.

Hamsata Mazou 37:59
I was gonna say I believe you guys. And because I believe you guys. I see it in that except, so he doesn't know I don't but also like to prove like your theory. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily that type of category of person. Because of that. I just don't see those avenues for you guys. Like I just purely think you guys are great, amazing, sweet. People. So

however, the weight you need speak sometimes I definitely see it. Then Lexi, because Janine will always be like, Oh, they're lucky. I'm like this because you know this that and the third are wrong. So because of that I can definitely see that more engineers than Lexie. In my mind for Alexei, that's just non existent to me.

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:51
Are you serious? I feel be complete. I know you.

Alexis Grant 38:55
Because I can be I can be so hurt or something. No, no. Like, there's some people who have seen it to me and they're like, you can be horrific. I'm like, I know.

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:02
But if I was lexing, I wanted to wreak havoc. I know what I would do. I couldn't really I can make so much having already told you you can just edit this part out.

But things like that. I'm looking at Lakes. I'm like, Okay, no,

Alexis Grant 39:22
I could be nasty balls horrific. No, she could be salt. Like, here's the thing realistically, I'm not gonna sit here. i Okay. I tell people, I'm not an emulator. I'm gonna be frank. That's not true. I only manipulate for good. And that might be counterintuitive. And I don't do it often. But I manipulate

Hamsata Mazou 39:40
for good conversation with somebody like this recently, and they're talking about how they like lie or manipulate, but for good reason. What does that even mean?

Alexis Grant 39:48
Like, I'll manipulate somebody so that they can reach their goals or like their potential. I don't manipulate for my own benefit,

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:56
but it's that manipulating because if you believe in them, that you believe in them. Yeah, but it's

Alexis Grant 40:00
not me being like it's not me giving them affirmations it's me manipulating a situation or like manipulating their mind.

Hamsata Mazou 40:06
Right? Like they don't know like I feel like sometimes when somebody's giving you information you could tell they're still doubt but they try to affirm you you know we're like

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:13
work behind the scenes to

Alexis Grant 40:14
help them work behind the scenes but also like to their face like manipulate what they how they view certain things, but their benefit.

Hamsata Mazou 40:23
Okay, I want to see that as many of you I will say the person I was discussing with definitely was the opposite sometimes we'll do it for them. Why? Because to protect them because other person is just like so like, oh, like No, they'll manipulate things to them so that it'll protect themselves if that makes sense. So I think because manipulation has such a negative kind of it does. Actually, sidenote, I remember I was in middle school and my house pet had to sit me down and be like you're a manipulator

Alexis Grant 40:53
and with that, everybody

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:54
that would I would have been like expired. I can't

Alexis Grant 40:57
I can't wait to I can't wait to see you soon. No, no, no, we're

Unknown Speaker 41:01
gonna see y'all now.

Alexis Grant 41:03
We save it for the next one because we save it we

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:07
are not in such a good place to end on Yeah,

Alexis Grant 41:09
we don't we everybody say their goodbyes.

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:13
Hi, this was fine. This was

Alexis Grant 41:15
fun. Oh yeah. Thanks for playing this game with us. Yeah, go play the game yourself. Anyways. Bye everybody

not really sure about the game like we're getting paid

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:43
like to go out and buy we're not really we gotta edit this part out.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai