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The Pressure Lab is a first-of-its-kind mental fitness podcast built specifically for competitive and youth soccer players navigating the real emotional demands of the game.
This weekly podcast from HEADFIRST, a Philadelphia Union Foundation initiative, is hosted by Keith Wilford who gets into the realities of being a young athlete today. Featuring conversations with pro athletes, coaches, mental health professionals, and youth development experts, each episode is an honest conversations about pressure, identity, confidence, failure, burnout, belonging, and the emotional weight competition can put on you.
No highlight reels. No empty hype. Just real stories, real insight, and practical tools for players and the people around them.
If you’ve ever felt the game get bigger than the field, The Pressure Lab was made for you.
About HeadFirst: HEADFIRST is a mental fitness initiative of the Philadelphia Union Foundation designed to equip young athletes with the tools, language, and mindset to perform under pressure and grow through everything sport puts them through. HEADFIRST is proudly sponsored by Independence Blue Cross and Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. More information at www.myHEADFIRST.org
About the Philadelphia Union Foundation The Philadelphia Union Foundation is a 501(c)3 nonprofit, dedicated to creating opportunity, building community, and developing the next generation of athletes and leaders through soccer and education-based programming in Chester, Pennsylvania and the surrounding region. More information at www.philadelphiaunionfoundation.org
About Our Host: Keith Wilford is a Mental Health and Wellness Educator at YSC Academy and founder of The Wilford Movement. A Widener University All-American and MA in Counseling Education, Keith has spent his career at the intersection of sport, education, and youth development. He is a national leader in student development and has coached and counseled student athletes at some of the most competitive academic and athletic programs in the country.
Tag In here: https://forms.gle/VLBmyLFjVmbtZxBb6. In a few honest words, tag in with the heart of why you’re here: why you play, why you coach, why you care, why you support someone you love in sport. Share your moment and add your voice to a space that puts every player’s whole self first.
MADDIE ELWELL: If it's a play or a pass that
you don't really want, that's okay.
It's up, it's stuck.
Move on.
There's better to come, you know.
There's worse to come, but all you can do
is keep showing up and keep being consistent.
ANNOUNCER: Step into the Pressure Lab,
brought to you by HeadFirst, the Philadelphia Union
Foundation's mental health initiative.
Here, we believe mental fitness is as important
as physical fitness.
You train your body every day,
this is where you train your mind.
The pressure, the doubt, the setbacks,
they're all part of the game, but what you do with it,
that's the skill.
KEITH WILFORD: Today we were talking about
something that does not get nearly enough
attention in youth sports.
Who are you beyond the game, beyond your stats,
beyond your position, beyond your next opportunity?
But here's the truth, your sport is
something you do, it is not who you are.
And when identity gets wrapped up too tightly
around performance, every mistake feels personal.
Every setback feels like the end.
If you play well, you feel worthy.
If you struggle, you question everything.
Today we're joined by someone who has
lived this conversation.
Maddie Elwell is a former professional player
in the National Women's Soccer League,
where she competed with the Washington Spirit.
And before that was a standout
at Vanderbilt University.
She built her life around soccer,
chased the dream, trained at the highest level,
and experienced the emotional highs and lows
that come with elite competition.
Now she speaks openly about identity, mental health,
and what it means to separate performance
from self-worth.
Maddie, we are so grateful to welcome
you to the podcast. MADDIE: Yeah.
Thank you guys for having me.
I'm super excited to be here.
KEITH: Yeah, this is cool.
Every episode, we start off with this
idea of tagging in.
And the purpose of that is an intentional
way to sort of jump into the conversation.
So, as the conversation gets hard,
I'm just sort of checking in to make sure
that the emotions that we have jumping
into it feel authentic.
And therefore, our listeners have an
opportunity to really feel like they're a part
of this conversation.
So, as my tag in, I'm just sort of talking
to you in a very casual way.
I'm so thrilled and so excited to, sort of, hear
your story, hear your journey,
and how you, sort of, show up today as a former
professional athlete. So I tag you in.
MADDIE: Yeah, my tag in, I'm gonna try
and do this correctly, is just honestly showing
up to have an open conversation.
This whole topic is something that I think needs
to have more of an open space for the athletes
while they're in the moment.
And I think even seeing parts of that on social media
is really great, but it also just opens
up other questions that I even have,
you know, not being an athlete now,
kind of as it evolves and becomes a bigger part
of sports earlier on in development,
how that kind of helps, how others relate to it now,
and how they don't even, I think,
is really interesting.
KEITH: I wonder if you can just sort of start
by sharing a little bit of your journey.
Maybe, like, when you started playing,
ultimately when you realized that you could go pro.
MADDIE: Yeah, I began playing soccer at the age of six,
just playing with the township team,
playing with, you know, friends from school.
I developed and kept playing in Horsham,
I would say, for Ukrainian Nationals.
I need to give them a shout out there,
before moving to YMS in Yardley.
That was in high school.
And kind of from there, I would say that was
when the competition really started for me out in Yardley.
I got recruited pretty early on by my college coach,
who was at Penn at the time.
So he kind of was a little bit more familiar with,
you know, the club teams locally.
And then just being in college and being able to play,
I was in a class of 11 girls, and all of us
were very different.
We were from various parts of the country,
just different upbringings.
But those girls became kind of like the backbone
for me throughout my time at college,
just being so far away from home.
And I think our class kind of separated ourselves
at Vanderbilt and the SEC.
And that was really fun to be a part of
and identify with. I don't know.
And then you throw a pandemic on top of everything,
and that mentally just had everyone in the throes.
So I think just showing up and giving a hundred percent
of what I had that day was really a way
for me to break it down.
And having those small wins led me to be able
to play with amazing players at Washington Spirit
and compete at the highest level.
But it's just so interesting, like asking if there's
a moment where you feel like you are a professional.
But you're competing with so many other people that,
I don't know, you're trying to stand
out every day. I don't know.
Oftentimes, it doesn't feel like you're a professional
or the best of the best because you're trying to stand out.
I think everyone could reflect on that and just
take a moment to be like, "We've accomplished so much,"
regardless of what that looks like on paper.
KEITH: Yeah.
What was training like for you as a teenager?
MADDIE: I wanna say it was three times a week,
with, you know, games on the weekend.
And I can say when I moved to high school,
joining a new team, there's this pressure there,
especially in high school, freshman and sophomore year,
ninth and tenth grade.
Like, no matter what, if you're joining a team
that has been together from elementary school,
that's intimidating.
And I knew, you know, they're not just gonna
let anyone in.
You know, it's a playing spot that
I'm essentially taking.
Kind of communicating those feelings about,
you know, "We know you could make the team better,
but we don't necessarily accept you yet."
So I think that was really hard for me.
And I would drag my feet the whole
45 minutes to training.
My mom, she would just say, "You are doing this."
And I knew I wanted to do it because I'd get in
the car and go, but it was just
getting comfortable being uncomfortable
is never easy and something that
you have to do over and over.
And that's the only way.
Repetition is kind of the way that you get
more comfortable with it.
Like I always told myself, "My future self
will thank me."
And luckily, over the next four years of high school,
they became an outlet for me that
I never would have, you know, had,
had I not, you know, taken that chance
and driven those 45 minutes and dragged my feet
the whole time.
But creating just kind of that identity away from,
you know, where you grew up,
it was like a first step for me to kind
of create a little bit of independence.
And being able to get as many different experiences
and start that in ninth grade was really cool.
KEITH: I like that.
You talked early about when you think about
the idea of creating, I don't know,
almost like a healthy identity.
Like, how did you show up?
How did Maddie show up, whether that's at
training or just sort of showed up in the world?
MADDIE: Yeah.
I think one thing that I -- I show up in a way that
I'm a 100% or 0%.
And I think that, for me mentally,
that's really hard because with that comes a standard.
"I'm going a 100% all the time.
Why am I not meeting every expectation
that I set for myself?"
And then realizing in real time that you just,
sometimes you just don't have the capacity,
as much as your ambition likes to make you
think that you do.
But emotionally and mentally, I think even
on the field you could see that, I would show up
and I would be there.
I'd be going a 100% to the point where once one
opponent knocked me over or made me stumble
a little bit, it was all over my face.
And trying to figure out how to find a balance
with showing up, but also giving yourself grace,
even now, is still hard.
But not knowing what it was I was struggling
with early on, like in high school
when I would be so emotional on the field,
and I was like, "This isn't me."
And people were taken aback.
I'd be just a mess.
And this went all the way up until college.
My first college game, I came out,
like didn't connect a pass or something,
and had put so much pressure on that game that
they took me out.
And I knew what that had meant.
Or maybe it didn't mean anything,
but I was overthinking everything.
I sat down and I was in tears.
I don't know.
It was my first experience where I was like,
"Whoa, these are emotions that I need to kind
of get to know a little bit more."
So, I don't know.
I think showing up, it looks different every day.
But checking in with yourself and just being aware
of what that looks like, I think is huge.
� �
- This podcast is powered by HeadFirst,
a program of the Philadelphia Union Foundation
has built a free toolkit at myheadfirst.org
with worksheets, guides, videos, and resources
designed for athletes, parents, and coaches navigating
the mental side of the sport.
And if you want something tangible,
something your athlete can carry with them
to every practice and every game,
request a HeadFirst bag tag.
It's a free luggage style tag that attaches
to any soccer bag and links directly to myheadfirst.org
through a QR code.
It's a symbol, a reminder, and a connector,
all in one.
Request yours at myheadfirst.org.
Coaches and clubs reach out to us directly
and we'll send a full package for your entire team.
� �
KEITH: You talked a lot about social media.
When you look at social media
and sort of how it played, I don't know where
it was during your career, but I'm curious,
as you look at it, what are your thoughts
on social media and the impact as it relates
to maybe even your own playing identity?
MADDIE: I think the easiest thing to get caught up in
is you focus too much on what social media,
like, portrays as the truth.
At the end of the day, all that matters is
that you give 100% of what you have.
You know, they don't see what you're doing in training
or the play before necessarily, or the play after you scored.
And it's so easy to just look on social media,
see one comment, and take it as truth.
And then you forget about everything that you experienced.
And that's really, like, all that matters.
KEITH: Yeah. What would you tell a young person
that had a wonderful, incredible opportunity
to play at a national tournament?
They're getting all this love.
What would you tell that young person to sort
of stay balanced, knowing that it's great
to have those moments, but sometimes
it's not realistic?
MADDIE: I think the biggest thing I've learned
is kind of just having a little bit of a goldfish
mentality with anything good or bad.
It's something I really needed to utilize.
But, you know, bask in it or revel
in it for three seconds, and then it's done.
KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: Take the wins as they come,
but everything you do, you work for, you know?
So if it's a play or a pass that you
don't really want, or it wasn't where it
it was supposed to go, you know, that's okay.
It's up, it's stuck.
Move on. KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: There's better to come, you know.
There's worse to come, but all you can do
is keep showing up and keep being consistent.
KEITH: Yeah.
Are there some foundational things that sort of,
even today, that you sort of hold
onto that sort of get you through unsettled times?
MADDIE: Yeah.
I think something that I've really tried to focus on,
especially at moments where I feel like things
may be moving a little bit too fast or out of my control,
is just being where my feet are.
And I think something that's really hard as
a player sometimes to do is just,
you try to rationalize everything.
And we don't know what other people are thinking.
We don't know what our teammates are thinking.
We don't know what our coaches are thinking.
And sometimes that gives you a sense
of restlessness that I feel like leads to you
playing out of character a little bit because
you're living in a sense of unknown.
And it's really hard to kind of, A, recognize that
when it's happening.
Like sometimes everyone else can recognize it,
but I cannot.
I'm like freaking out, not in control of myself
at all or my emotions. I'm breathing erratically.
And I wish I knew earlier how to just catch
that and be where my feet are, mixing that with a little
bit of goldfish mentality.
Focus on what I can control here now,
not in 30 seconds, not in one minute,
and not what happened two days ago.
KEITH: When you were done playing and you realized
you were done playing professional,
what sensations sort of naturally went through
your whole self, recognizing that now
your identity was not gonna be connected to that jersey?
MADDIE: There were a lot of emotions,
and I think every day it's different.
There's fear of the unknown.
Like, you never even thought that you'd --
you never even imagined a day where you'd be
willingly sitting there saying that that's not
who you are anymore.
But I don't feel like I ever thought that
that was all that I was.
It was almost a little bit off-putting when people
act like it's all you are.
And then you've kind of are trying to fit
the mold that people portray you as a little bit.
And I'm like, now I'm trying to get
experience in different things and figure how
I can use my own experience as an athlete
to either give back or keep growing.
I don't know.
So I try to filter it into hope.
It's like, it's really scary.
But I was able to decide that I was
ready to stop playing.
And that's not something that everyone gets to do,
whether that's an injury or not.
But yeah, I'm, like, hopeful.
I've never been in this position before.
KEITH: Do you miss it? MADDIE: Of course.
KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: But, like, there's also a sense of freedom.
I get to -- I was telling you, I'm 100%.
I get to put 100% into something new now.
And, you know, I'm sitting here having these conversations,
which I wouldn't have the opportunity to do.
And luckily people care to hear about my experience.
So it's fun.
KEITH: I talk a lot with athletes,
whether that's in the Academy or just, you know,
across the country, about sort of an inner circle.
And you talk a lot about friendships and teammates.
How important is that inner circle?
And did you have one? MADDIE: I definitely did.
But I would also say that I created --
I went out of my way to make relationships
with everyone on the team, whether they were
a part of my inner circle or not.
I would say a lot of people on my team did
that as well.
It was a big initiative for our coaches
to try to make sure that that was happening.
Like we had a lunch bunch every week,
coaches and staff included.
And you would have to have a 30-minute lunch
or coffee with whomever you were matched up with
that week at some point.
And you had to talk about stuff that
was not soccer-related.
And I think that was really helpful in terms
of, like, we got to see in real time
the importance of investing in relationships.
This was kind of a little bit of a change where
you do have to accept, they don't have to
be in your inner circle, but you're gonna
have a relationship with them.
You're gonna like them.
You're gonna trust each other.
You're gonna respect each other.
And I really think there's a big importance in that.
KEITH: Do you think it made a massive difference
for your...
MADDIE: I think it made a massive difference
because you can tell girls -- Like, you could tell us
not to talk about soccer, but if you're sitting
with someone that you're not very comfortable
with or you don't know very well,
you're gonna talk about what you guys have in common,
which would be soccer.
But the interesting thing about that is it's
not being facilitated by a coach or someone.
It's a little bit more of a free-flowing conversation.
You'll find that you probably agree with people
that you wouldn't think you would,
more oftentimes than not.
It becomes a more special bond.
I feel like that, you know, "I don't talk
to this person about my everyday life,
but I do know if I go to them for this,
they will listen."
I think you realize a lot of things about yourself,
but about your teammates and your team.
KEITH: We unfortunately attach our self-worth
to this whole idea of identity around sport.
And I feel like earlier and earlier now,
so many young athletes are connecting so much
of their performance, attaching it to their
self-worth and their self-value.
When you hear that, what comes up
from you from personal experiences or otherwise?
MADDIE: Well, then it's like, because then I'm
gonna add another dimension onto it where,
you know, if I'm being swayed so much by my high
highs and low lows, then I'm mad at myself.
And I'm like, "Well, why is it so --
Why am I so easily swayed?
Like, how great can I be if I'm so easily swayed
and able to then simultaneously feel so low?"
So, that's where it becomes a little bit toxic where,
you know, you need to go back to being relentlessly
forgiving to yourself because --
KEITH: So pause right there.
What do you mean by that?
MADDIE: I don't -- I think I started by giving
myself grace.
And I was giving myself grace, and I was like,
"It's okay, Maddie, it's okay."
And I would say "it's okay," and then my second thought,
"But don't let it happen again."
Like, and so relentlessly forgiving is more
so just accepting it. It's gonna happen.
You have to mess up in order to learn.
KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: And that's all that it is.
But that's something that I'm dealing with every,
every day.
KEITH: I just really love how human that sounds.
Like it's just, it's very --
I mean, there's a lot of power in that
and a lot of intention to that.
And I don't think that people give themselves
the opportunity to do that.
MADDIE: I don't think social media does either.
KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: Like nothing can really be forgiven,
it feels like, because everything is permanent.
KEITH: Yeah.
If someone were to approach you after a training,
what lands on you better, identifying the outcome
of your performance or how you got to the outcome?
MADDIE: Great question, because it matters.
Me personally, I need to know, kind of,
the way things work and why.
And when I was being coached,
I needed to be coached a little bit softer than others.
Like, you couldn't just tell me what to do.
KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: Some people were motivated by that,
by that, like, "Go get 'em."
And I was not one of those players.
So just knowing that about myself and making sure
my teammates knew that about me was big.
And I think even having those conversations,
like how do you like to be addressed?
How do you like to call for the ball?
Do you know these nonverbal cues?
Like, just different things. Like, I don't know.
I think getting those things, just like the tag ins,
I think it's really crucial in the beginning
because all that I care about is that you're asking me
a question and that you care to listen to the answer.
You could ask me what my favorite food is.
KEITH: Yeah. MADDIE: Just listen.
KEITH: Yeah.
MADDIE: You know, and that's huge. So.
KEITH: So if you have -- the person listening that's,
sort of, decided to, sort of, hear this conversation,
what are some of the things that you would want
them to take away from your experience?
What would you share with them as far as how
to stay rooted, feet on the ground,
showing up present, all the things that
you have named today?
MADDIE: I think more than anything,
at the end of the day, you should be having fun.
Like, it should always be about having fun
and looking forward to it.
Maybe not every single day, but I think that's
really important.
And just, like, being honest with yourself,
especially surrounding sports and, like, as a player,
if you ever have any fears, I would just voice them.
I would voice it immediately, even in the mirror.
Like, just get it out.
It's just poison in the body if you have any fear.
Like, as a player, you always just doubt
yourself way more. It's not that deep.
Like, your biggest fear as an athlete,
it's gonna be okay.
You have people that are rooting for you.
KEITH: So, what is up next?
I mean, like, what are the things that you
have real interest in?
Because a lot of times young athletes don't
know where to start.
Their schedules are so packed,
and it's almost like they never have enough time
for themselves to try something new.
Even if you're in constant exploration of what
that may be.
But I think sometimes people need permission to say,
like, it's okay to try new things.
MADDIE: I think that's great.
I think also now that I do have this time,
and what is up next for me, I'm not entirely sure.
But I do know, like, I really enjoy
working with kids.
I really enjoy making sure that they feel
better about themselves.
It doesn't have to be making them a better
soccer player that day. I don't know.
I want them to feel more confident and stronger
and, like, hopeful. KEITH: Yeah.
I am beyond thankful for how you have shared
not only just your experience, but even currently
where you are in your own process because you're
not there.
I think it's nice to know that I don't have
to be there and that anybody that's listening doesn't
have to be there as well.
So, I'm beyond thankful that you were here, Maddie.
MADDIE: No, totally. This was great.
Even having some of these questions,
I mean, having to reflect, I'm like,
"I don't even know." But it was great.
Just having these conversations and being able
to tell people, like, how I felt and the emotions that
I was feeling, I think is huge because
I think even you watch your favorite athletes
on the screen and you'd have no idea what they might
be going through or if they're beating themselves up.
KEITH: Yeah.
So as we close, we always sort of tag out.
And that tag out is obviously not an end
to the conversation, but almost an acknowledgement
of how we both showed up today.
And I can say that from the time that you,
sort of, walked in and, sort of, listening to your words,
even at the forum last year, anybody that is
listening really needs to pass this on
to somebody else.
Because I don't know if it gets more real
than your words.
I'm saying that with a tremendous amount
of gratitude, Maddie.
And, yeah, I cannot be more thankful for you.
MADDIE: Thanks. That means a lot.
Yeah, just being able to work through all of this,
I think, you know, give back a little bit.
But if my -- This is just the conversation
that I'm having.
And if this can help anyone, I would encourage
you to just send it to anyone that it might.
I mean, just having these conversations is kind
of really what I want more of anyways.
KEITH: Very cool. Thank you so much.
MADDIE: Yeah.
� �
ANNOUNCER: Everything we talked about today is educational,
not professional mental health advice.
If you or someone you know needs real support right now,
call or text 988.
That's the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline,
free and available 24/7.