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Explore your curiosity - Interesting people with fascinating stories.
Life consists of three things:
-The stories we tell others
-The stories others tell us
-The stories we tell ourselves.
Corey, Carla, welcome aboard to the show. So happy to have you today.
Speaker 2:Happy to be here.
Speaker 1:So I wanna jump to a topic that I am going to confess is very close to my heart. My youngest son, I have a 13 year old boy, an 11 year old daughter, and a just turned six year old raptor. Now the reason I call him a raptor is because he is God's punishment to me for what I did to my parents, being hyperactive, ADHD, just the full spectrum of madness. And my personal confession is when I was five years old, I came back with my report card. It was all f's.
Speaker 1:I tore it up. I was so ashamed. I was crying. My mother had to piece it together with sellotape, kind of like a forensics issue to try to figure out what was happening. My first question to you is describe to me the, from a parent's perspective, what's going through the parents' heads?
Speaker 1:What are the the pains or the issues or the the frustrations parents are feeling?
Speaker 2:I'll take this because I'm a parent and I have one child. And just to kinda talk a little bit about her, she's now at UCLA, and it took a lot. It took a team to actually get her to that that route, that pathway. Right? And the the major thing that we noticed so both my husband and I are very well educated, and we're both engineers.
Speaker 2:He's a software and a hardware engineer. And we didn't do too badly at school either, you know. So we thought we did something wrong or we did something bad in our past lives. So what we did was we immediately got her into an extracurricular because she was super shy. She wasn't hyper like your son.
Speaker 2:She was able to find finally after seven sports, Taekwondo was the one that got her to for some reason, it really connected with her. So I'm a tennis player and I play golf and tennis. I ski. I snowboard. Those are the things, and she doesn't like any of them.
Speaker 2:And so one thing that I did notice is that we have them find kinda, like, the passion that they need Because at some point, we're we're gonna feel very there's a Korean saying, but I don't I can't seem to get it in a in in a in in an English word. But there is this tap tap. There's a there's always like this feeling of like, what do I need to do? Who do I need to talk have a talk with or something? But it took about a good seven years when we finally noticed that she was in the right path by the time she turned 11, that this is working.
Speaker 2:Because she's she's she's, like, socializing. She's able to kinda assimilate herself. So it'll it takes time.
Speaker 1:So you were, I would argue, ahead of the curve because when I look at me growing up, because I didn't have my parents didn't have your knowledge, back in the day there was no names for these things, no awareness. For me it wasn't until I would say, I want to say 2223 after the military where I started figuring things out was only in university. So first of all, would say, you know, you're you're, you know, you're in a much better situation than what we were, so I think that's a silver lining right there. What is the problem? Like, what is and, you know, what was the pain that you experienced?
Speaker 1:Like, this is actually what's happening? This doesn't make any sense. We have to we you know, as a as two parents, we have to get together and figure this out. Like, why did you even send her to Taekwondo or seven other sports?
Speaker 2:Well, there's a lot of noise. For for one thing, when we grew up, we had there there was no Internet. There was no social media. There was not a lot of streaming, And all we had is Atari, Nintendo. Right?
Speaker 2:And so there's not so I I worked for Xbox during my my junior year in in in in junior engineer. And so you see that there is a whole cluster of of an industry geared to getting their attention. Right? So for us, it it was a little harder as opposed to our parents. Our parents just gave us, like, a stick and a wheel.
Speaker 2:Go go play. Right? And then or we're latchy kids. Yes. We can't do that anymore because of the fact that there's a lot of noise.
Speaker 2:And in order to do that, there there's gotta be a way for us to kind of have them in a pathway or a solution where we feel we feel kind of assuaged that Mhmm. They're doing something useful. But we don't know if it's useful until, like, years later.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So your your son's gonna somehow get there.
Speaker 1:When I can help. When we when we were so okay. So we're at home. We see the symptoms at home. I would you agree procrastination is one of them, many others?
Speaker 1:Then we get to school. What are the symptoms that the school experiences? And I'll tell you again, personal confession, my son was kicked out of two schools and the third one we had to fight hard for him not to be kicked out and this was at ages four and five and three. So what is the school experience, basically? What are the the the difficulties?
Speaker 2:School experience I mean, you're you're talking about as they so were was it a private school or a public school?
Speaker 1:No. It was, well, it was pre k, so it was technically still private. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So most of the time, the teach the the the schools are actually very helpful. They will work with you until to a point where they're gonna ask you for some help. I I don't know what that is because I'd never actually had that experience, but we were lucky enough to work with our principal and our headmaster for the school to help Sydney get out of that shyness. My my daughter's name is Sydney.
Speaker 2:And that shyness, we were just really lucky to have miss Quinn and miss Jessica to get us through some of these things. And we didn't have any judgment in what in what she was saying and what where where she is actually experiencing. Right?
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:But at some point, there's there's this thing called, you know, do you play tennis or do you play any kind of, like, golfer? There's the follow through. Right? Yep. So I've coined the thing called follow through.
Speaker 2:When you're teaching something at school, it needs to be followed through at home.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's constant twenty four hours surveillance.
Speaker 1:But but this is part of the problem. Right? So we you know, procrastination is a big issue. You know, the distractions is a big issue, but the schools actually don't and again, you've got very lucky and sometimes you get great teachers and that's wonderful.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But what we see, and keep me honest here if you agree, we see there's no accountability from the school to the home. So the abilities for the teachers always to be in that loop and to enforce that accountability, to get timely feedback doesn't always exist. So we see a disconnect there. And then there's this very like, it's okay, like it is what it is. They have this kind of permissive, you know, approach of like, you know, that's what they're capable of, so I let them be at that level.
Speaker 1:It's not a pushy, you know, you can do more, you can be more. So I'm seeing these issues with the schools and I'm like, well, my son, daughter, children, they're just sinking to to this level of mediocracy because of these issues. Is this something that you would agree with? Do you see that as an issue in some cases in some schools or am I completely out of whack here?
Speaker 2:Oh, I agree.
Speaker 3:Do you mind if I jump in, Carla?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I don't have any children, but I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 12. And it seems like there was a lot more hands on approach with the and there wasn't this kind of permissive, you know, non disciplinary kind of action that happens within the school system. Now, like I said, I don't have any kids, so I don't know what it's been like for the last, you know, fifteen, twenty years or so. But I do know that when I was growing up and I was probably a lot like your raptor son in the sense of, I didn't have a lot of the hyperactivity, but I definitely had the lack of task initiation, the procrastination, the comorbidities of OCD and some anxiety, right? And I think a lot of it today is, I wouldn't say that it's necessarily like over diagnosed, but it's overemphasized.
Speaker 3:There's a lot of people in the school who, a lot of kids, right? And this trickles down from adults, right? Like I always say that being an adult is a choice, right? Like you could be a child the
Speaker 1:rest I
Speaker 3:love of that.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna quote you on that.
Speaker 3:Being an adult, I believe is a choice, right? Like, because you kind of enter the adult world and you have to behave in a certain way, right? But having, you know, having the support when I was growing up, I felt it was so much more hands on. And I don't think that the teachers were acting so much as therapists as they were educators. I think there's a lot more of this, where, you know, we're trying to cross over into, we can diagnose your child, right?
Speaker 3:Like we don't have the credentials to do it but we think that your kid has ADD or we think that your kid has ADHD so you might want to go get them checked, right? So I think there's a lot more of that that's going on. Is good or bad? I don't really know. I mean, you know, I think it probably affects the kids more than it affects anybody else.
Speaker 1:I wanna dive into that because I think that's a very controversial point. Parents have issue with this. Like, they don't want and again, there's a variety and there's all kinds, but there's the stream of parents that don't want their child labeled. I don't want my child labeled. I don't want him or her to get special, treatment.
Speaker 1:I want them to be held to the level of accountability that anybody else is held to. I don't want this label to give them like, oh, you know, you have x y z, it's okay, don't worry about it. So this is controversial. In fact parents are saying they don't want their kids diagnosed, treat them like everybody else. If there's an issue I want you to talk to me right away.
Speaker 3:Yeah, in the world of the noise that Carla speaks about, there are these kind of, there are these unfortunate trends that happen where a diagnosis is, or a diagnosis is something to be proud of. Yeah. You know, because then it's like, I am this, or oh, I am that. In a world where there's more labels for everything, having, being able to label oneself is more of like, it's a calming mechanism for people, right? Like oh, this is why I can't initiate tasks or this is why I'm procrastinating or this is why I don't have emotional regulation because I'm ADHD or because I'm ADD.
Speaker 3:And you know, having that label, having that diagnosis can be helpful, right? But I think that when things are being diagnosed by educators and not, you know, specific clinicians or people who are, you know, people who have the credentials to do so. I mean, takes time, you know, to actually get a diagnosis, right? Like of a neuro divergent, you know, disorder, right? It takes a lot of time.
Speaker 3:Like you can't just necessarily look at the behavior of a child because you know, are, you know, they do things that aren't, they're not developed yet, their brains aren't fully developed, so they're going to do things that are extremely emotional. So it takes time to actually
Speaker 1:let's give a explore this paradigm or this conflict. On the one hand, a diagnosis is useful because it gives you a set of tools to practice, to improve upon, which you know every parent can learn and can utilize at home without a support mechanism. Now, obviously, we're going to argue, the three of us, that a support mechanism is helpful. It's what you do for a living. However, the flip side of that, and I'm going to open this for debate in a second, is that it creates a almost a culture of victimism, like I'm a victim of my disease, I have a label, I can't do what other people can do, while in fact I would argue that maybe you can do more.
Speaker 1:So this creates a, I think, a problem that can go good, it can go bad. How do you deal with that issue?
Speaker 3:I think, you know, there's kind of two sides and then I'll kick it over to Carla because I know she's got some really, really good meat on this. But there's kind of there's a doom loop of victimization and there's kind of a flywheel of a superhero, right? Or like having superpowers. And the victimization can get exacerbated by the noise that Carla spoke about. So if you're constantly being fed things that, you know, you're this because of that, then you kind of stay in what and this is more of like a Jim Collins term, like a doom loop versus a flywheel, right?
Speaker 3:So you kind of like stay in that doom loop. But if you can get yourself in, I mean, storytelling, right? Like we think about the story arc, right? Like you don't want to be the villain. You want to be the You have to first be the guide and then you can be the hero, right?
Speaker 3:Because, or you find a guide, you know, to get you to that solution to get
Speaker 1:you to the right solution. We control or is it out of our hands or should or maybe there's a third answer. I see people reporting that their bosses are basically treating them differently after, in fact, there's a discrimination case going on right now with a close friend of mine. The boss kind of treats them as if they have a disease she heard about the diagnosis, which was completely unintended. Somebody outed her by mistake.
Speaker 1:And then it basically hurt her status at work, even though I would argue that her narrative and obviously my narrative, because I know the person, is that that does give her the superhero powers. So how do we how do we deal with that? And and, Carla, I'll I'll pull I'll tag you into this now.
Speaker 2:Actually, I'm trying to take notes here what you're what you guys are saying. There was a few things that you guys were talking about there that Corey kinda hit the the nail on the head was that there are a lot more people who are getting diagnosed somehow. It's either a mild one, and then they slowly go into it as IEP. So they start with anxiety, and then they start with OCD, they start with ADHD, ADD, and then to a point where, okay, where is this? And then the parent starts crying.
Speaker 2:Because just last week, I actually went through this with one parent, and his kid is actually getting, you know, is getting reprimanded. I mean, not in a bad way, but in a it's a bad way for a parent. So Right. The when signals are getting sent from from an administrator to the parent, all of a sudden, we feel like we did something wrong. But if the administrator is saying something to the kid, all of a sudden, the kid feels inadequate or no That's key.
Speaker 2:Right? So based on labels, the parents so it it comes back to the parents. The parents wanna find that label so that they don't feel bad about it. Right? And then you're and then once once they get a diagnosis or a label, they're like, oh, that's it.
Speaker 2:That's what it's always been. Right. But you can't always put it back on the parent because one, we're not trained. So that's the other disconnect is that administrators and teachers are also not trained for this stuff. Right?
Speaker 2:They can't really diagnose it. All they all they their job is to to teach 15 to 40 kids Yeah. Depending on where you are, public or private. 15 to 40 kids. Then comes the shame.
Speaker 2:So it's it's like that, you you know, the the the there's like a a a phase. So the shame portion of it is when the parents finally break down because now the kid feels bad. And then the the teacher also feels bad. There's like feeling bad everywhere. So at that point, that's when we kinda come into the picture where we we we're kinda like this therapy And it's really hard because for me, I want the kids to do well.
Speaker 2:So Corey and I, we we came from from from from a startup world where we're building hardware, we're building software. So it's a it's it that one is just a job. This is more kind of where it hits all these empathy, sympathy, all these emotional stuff that I actually feel because I feel it from a parent, and Corey feels it from the fact that he felt inept when he was growing up, feeling all these things. Right? And there is no solution right now.
Speaker 2:The only solution I can think of is really having the teachers, which also costs money. Yeah. Right? It also costs money to train them. So if we could train engineers for onboarding so I'm gonna go back to my my days as an engineer.
Speaker 2:If I could be trained to onboard to be onboarded, if I could be trained to go for a certification, if I can be trained to actually, start looking for, do I become a manager or do I become a technical leader? Why can't we do that to teachers? Right? But that's a lot of money, and education right now is not at all equipped or or or or have the budget to do that. And it's an ongoing thing where is it chicken and egg?
Speaker 2:Where where does this start, and who can we blame? And that's where you go down the victimization. What you're saying is that there's that victimization aspect of it where you're kind of thinking, well, I gotta I gotta blame somebody.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right? I can't blame the teacher. I can't blame myself because then I'll be admitting to something. But there's nothing to there's no one to blame. Each child is individually unique, And that's where that's where sometimes I come in where I'm talking to a child and but you know what the problem is that?
Speaker 2:That's why I don't tutor anymore. Is they look at me as their parent.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I I find these academic coaches who can be who can be speaking for them with with them or to them at maybe seven, eight years older. So they can be a mentor. We need to find mentors for these kids. We need to find somebody who's relatable. Right?
Speaker 2:And I think
Speaker 1:such a critical point. I just wanna stop on it for a second. Oh, sorry. So the the age gap is incredibly important. I'll give an example.
Speaker 1:Scouts or Rotary Youth Leadership or many other programs, what they do is the children that go through the program, a few years later they become the counselors. And what that creates is this peer interaction where you're looking up to the person but not as a parent but as a slightly older brother or sister. This is so, so important. I I was a counselor for for Rilla for the Rotary program for many years. I did scouts.
Speaker 1:I did a lot of other things. I I wanna stop on this point for a second. Why does that like, what's the problem with the parent relationship versus the older brother relationship? Why does that change the dynamic?
Speaker 2:Older brother or the parent, you mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So so as you were saying, where you have the the the counselors that have a small gap of age versus why you stopped, Why is there a difference? Why is that important from a strategic perspective?
Speaker 2:Well, if you kinda if actually, Corey and I talk about this a lot, where if you think about it when we were when we were kids, I can't think of a time I actually listened to my parents. I I can't think of a time I listened to my parents. But you know what? It's stuck in somewhere. I I I'm not very good with anatomy.
Speaker 2:I I don't know. The frontal lobe, maybe it sits there for a while, and then by the time you finish college, all of a sudden it blooms. You're like, oh my god, that's what my parents were talking about, you know?
Speaker 3:We are products of our parents, right? So it eventually comes out, right? Like Right. Depending on your family structure, of course, but
Speaker 2:And depending on exactly what that trigger was, right? So if you wanna think about it that way, where I was able to actually so when I first tutored my my child, that was the whole point was me tutoring my child. I didn't think of tutoring anyone else. And she was traveling for team USA. So she is an actual
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:Olympic level athlete.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:Right? And she just happened to have this this thing, this this really good talent. And but I was still traveling for work as well. So luckily, a lot of startups, we do a lot of things from work from home. We we carry our laptops and we can go anywhere.
Speaker 2:So Corey and I were working on that. So I was in Taiwan when I first tutored my child. And then she did well in school. So this was Zoom beta. This was at like very at the beginning.
Speaker 2:But the problem is that it's just not her. There's a lot more. And then parents who are in public school I mean, private school complain, well, why am I paying this much money for a private school and my kid but, dude, the whole sorry. I didn't mean to call you dude.
Speaker 1:It's totally okay. Oh, we curse on this show regularly. We haven't got into that today, so we're doing well.
Speaker 2:So when yeah. So so what it is is that we are so much more experienced than the kids. Yeah. We feel like we know the answer.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's where the disconnect is, is if you have a mentor or a tutor or a teacher that's just a little older, you watch, look at your 11 and 13 year olds. If they if they had a teacher that's, like, not miss Ratchet, all of a sudden, they love school. There's this there there's this, like, connectivity where they don't look older. They don't look older than them. They feel like they can speak their language.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know
Speaker 2:what I mean?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I I also I think a lot of it has to do with habituation
Speaker 2:too.
Speaker 3:You know, like, kinda just stop listening to your parents because they say the same things over and over. -Over and over. But, you know, but then you find out when you move away, if you do, that a lot of the things that they say are totally right, you know? And so but that's kind of that recall, right? That's the phenomenon of the brain.
Speaker 3:How, you know, how we can recall these things that are just deep, deep within our psyche, right? And then we actually like use them in the real world, you know, to get us through. But we do Carla, what was that saying that you said? Like, promotion because we kind of have, like, a similar mechanism where we, like, promote where we promote our what was that So saying that you
Speaker 2:one of the things that I take pride pride with, Ari, is that the kids who I tutored in the past are now academic coaches. So that's the follow through I'm talking about. Yeah. And then that's called promotion to motion. So with that idea, think about what we studied in school.
Speaker 2:How do you apply it? So I I doubled in college and I I was stupid. I'm gonna admit it here. I was stupid because I wasn't I I was an electrical engineer, but then I doubled in physics. I don't know why.
Speaker 2:It was the dumbest dumbest thing I ever did because my g k was down in physics.
Speaker 3:So thank you.
Speaker 2:So I I did physics, and I'll do you know why I did physics? It's not because someone forced me. It's because of the fact that I wanna find out why transistors work the way they work. So these are chipsets. And I'm thinking, well, okay.
Speaker 2:I can just use a chip. I can put it there and it works. It's a it's a it's a it's a relay. What's in it? So then I I apply and then I went to to physics.
Speaker 2:And that's when I found, oh, it's electrons. It's like the movement of them. They don't kids these days don't have that curiosity because it's fed to them. So they're not they're not yearning for that, you know, that want.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, how do do that? That's a good point. There is a deficit of intrinsic learning and it's something that I I have, I hold deep in my, I'm in, I always, I'm in ABL. I always, always be learning. That's what I say.
Speaker 3:If I'm not learning, I don't feel like I'm alive. So there's too much extrinsic motivation that's happening right now and not enough intrinsic.
Speaker 1:Is this tied to so I'm gonna call I'm gonna simplify this. Keep me honest if you agree with me. I'm gonna call this the lack or demise of curiosity that happens as children age. And that lack of curiosity, I would say, is the root cause. Now if you don't completely disagree with me, my question is this.
Speaker 1:Whose fault is it? Is it the school system? Is it the media and the phones and the distractions? Is it the parents? Or do we all have a part to play?
Speaker 3:Yeah, mean, like Carla said, it's, you cannot pinpoint it to one thing, right? The world that we live in is too complex. Yeah. It's so much more complex. Actually, it's always been complex.
Speaker 3:We just haven't known how complex. We haven't had that complexity at our fingertips, right? Like there's a lot of breadth and not much depth in knowledge these days. So is it lack of curiosity? Partly.
Speaker 3:Is it social media to blame? Partly. Is it mainstream media to blame? Partly. Is it everything else?
Speaker 3:Is it the school system? Is it the social educational learning? Is it the different types of learning systems that are happening in different states? Totally, I mean, it's just a It's a mixture of so many different things. It's easy to point the finger at social media because we have this in our hand all the time.
Speaker 3:So it's easy to blame something like that. But humans, well, maybe not so much in the future with artificial intelligence, but the internet is a direct reflection of humanity, right? So we can only blame humans. We can't necessarily blame the devices. We can't necessarily blame Facebook or Twitter or any of
Speaker 1:these Here's big and my point. I had the same situation. Right? This was eighties, nineties. There was no Facebook.
Speaker 1:There was no Twitter.
Speaker 3:There was magazines.
Speaker 1:Skype hadn't come along, yet I had all these problems. Right? So so I had all these problems. Right? But social media, all this didn't exist.
Speaker 1:So what that leads me to believe is the school system really hasn't changed over the last forty years. Yeah. Hasn't Parents and kids have not kind of changed over the last forty years. So it leads me to believe that this is the trio. And as a parent, I've taken action because I lived through this.
Speaker 1:So I have some opinions about what's the way to go. My question to you, Carla, is what were your, let's say, educational decisions that you made with your children, child, in order to be like, okay, we're gonna get over this. And I can't, you know, I can blame the whole world, but at the end of the day, there's only one person who's in control.
Speaker 2:It's me
Speaker 1:and my kids.
Speaker 2:Right. No. I actually dude, you hit that on the door on the nail again, is the fact that I took it upon myself even though and this is this is the one thing that kills me with with sometimes when we do have parents who ask me about how can I help the kids, right? And then and then at the end of the conversation, you what they say? Oh, let me talk to my kids to see what they wanna do.
Speaker 2:And so for me, it's almost like, why? We I mean, they're kids. Why would they
Speaker 3:have That's permissive parenting. That's permissive parenting.
Speaker 2:It's almost like, dude, the kid's, like, nine years old.
Speaker 3:Right. They're gonna be able to make a Do they have a decision.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it's kind of like the the it's kinda like the very the do you know what dink is? So dink is a double income with no kids. So before you have kids, you're a dink. You get married, you get you're a dink.
Speaker 2:You're like double income. And you're still thinking that you want to have that old life. And so you wanna figure out how to normalize having a kid and still have that life. But it doesn't work that way because a little a little of you is no longer focused on this, this and this. Now there's a that.
Speaker 2:Right. Right?
Speaker 3:Yeah. You you you kind of you kind sorry, Carla, this is a really good point. You kind of you kind of drop and live vicariously through your child, right? And then you kind of stay in your, in your child's you, you live your life through your child's eyes. That, like, that happens a lot.
Speaker 3:I mean, I, I don't know but I see that in my friends a lot. Because I, I always say that there's, you know, like parents, people with children always say to myself, they say, well, you don't know what it's like because you don't have kids. Well then I just say, well, I know what it's like to not have kids. So there are things that I know that you don't know, right? So like, we see like different perspectives, but like living that vicariously through a child, like I think that happens more often than not.
Speaker 2:Right. I mean, to to kind of to to kind of add on to that is that, you know, in I'm gonna go back because my brain is built in schematics and engineering. So I was just talking to Corey about this to the other day because it was just driving me crazy.
Speaker 3:Well, I think Ari's an engineer too. Right?
Speaker 2:Oh, you're an engineer?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Don't yeah. He's an engineer too.
Speaker 1:Don't out me. Oh, I
Speaker 2:didn't are you are you a double e, analog, or digital?
Speaker 1:So we're outing me here. I developed military grade hardware and software when I was 18. I sold my first company when I was 15. I was created my first business when I was eight, which was fixing and building computers. Multiple exits, serial entrepreneur, finance, University of Chicago and MBA.
Speaker 1:I did a few things. So I helped Apple, Qualcomm Qualcomm, and Intel design their next generation chips, Snapdragon and such, through DFM predictive analytics. So, I've done a thing or two.
Speaker 2:Oh, then we probably crossed paths at Apple because I worked at Apple.
Speaker 1:Really? Did you do you know did you work with Bob Trainer?
Speaker 2:Yes. Yeah. You know Bob? I do. Oh my god.
Speaker 1:Bob
Speaker 2:and Okay. I Tell Bob well, actually, I can just tell tell him.
Speaker 1:Tell him we talk to Ari Blanc. Yeah. Tell him He will remember me, like, right away, but that's the we'll talk offline about that.
Speaker 2:So do you know Dave Rehaut too? Yeah. Okay. So Dave, Bob, and I so Dave and Bob were the ones who hired me as a junior engineer from when I was working at space systems because I built solar panels for space station and and but, anyway, what would see, this is great.
Speaker 1:We're like, we're all engineers.
Speaker 2:We're we're talk we're talking about Oh, signals. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. When when parents have kids, how how they wanna keep their their their
Speaker 1:Yeah. Independent lives. What do you do? Like, you're a parent. You have this child.
Speaker 1:What do you do? What's the what's the the difference? Right?
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 1:Get the whole world. I'm gonna do this to help my child.
Speaker 2:Right. So I had to so a a friend of mine who's a child psychologist was talking to me about we were have Sydney was still two years old, and I was having this argument with Sydney, you know, two year old. And then she kinda sat me back and said, do you know that she's two? And I said, I know, but I can't believe this.
Speaker 1:And then
Speaker 2:I was like, why can't she understand?
Speaker 3:Then Fight only honorable battles. Right?
Speaker 2:So there's a signal disconnect.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I needed to be back down so that I could connect to my connect with my kid. Yeah. So one of the things that I've I've I've learned in signal in a board design is that you have to have all these test points so you still see that there's a connection. And the only way you can connect is that somehow you have to remember how you were cut when you were a dink. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right? And that doesn't fit the profile for now you have a kid. So that's why the coaches that I hire are close enough that my kid's gonna look at or the kids that we have are gonna look at them as mentors. So So it's really important to have mentorship.
Speaker 1:There's deep research into this, by the way. This is called expert bias. If you kind of go down the path of Daniel Kuneman and Hamas Traversky and talk about psychological biases, then this is it, right? When you become the expert, the parent, you're twenty years removed, you just can't get back to that space of empathy of how does it feel to be the child. This is well researched, so this is not a theory or a hypothesis.
Speaker 1:It's a real thing that affects every one of us and in fact it goes also to schools. When you're working with your professor, it's really difficult for most of them to even explain it in a way that a student that's never seen this before will actually understand because they have that expert bias. So this is incredibly important point and also very well researched and backed up. Believe it or not, we are way, way over time. This is the problem this is the problem with topics that I'm passionate about.
Speaker 1:I just can't stop. So, we have one last question. It's the only question that's scripted in the show. Our audience knows that, you know, you guys have no questions for me, and I don't even know what I'm gonna ask before we get into this. But there is one question.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Carla, if you were to go back to 20 year old Carla, and this is a difficult question because it's personal, would you tell her?
Speaker 2:Enjoy your life. Enjoy while it's young because there's a lot of years ahead of you to be an adult. Just just enjoy it. Just soak it in. And I tell her this to this day.
Speaker 2:And, she's at UCLA first year. And I I I when she told me that she was studying, she was trying to keep up with the other valedictorians in her school because everybody's valedictorian there. And she said, oh, it's so hard. And I said, yeah, but you also have to go out. Just just enjoy yourself.
Speaker 2:That's it. Corey?
Speaker 3:I would probably say take life a little bit more seriously because
Speaker 1:You're a party dude,
Speaker 3:that's what happened. Well you can kind of tell because I think it's a lot harder to make up time as you get older than it is when you're younger and a little bit more agile and flexible and somewhat malleable. You become just so much more rigid as you get older. But it has its advantages. But I would definitely say like, would probably say take life a little bit more seriously.
Speaker 3:It's
Speaker 1:interesting. We got the spectrum, right? We got the the full spectrum right there in those answers. I gotta tell you that it's very individual, and for me, I was on Carla's side of the spectrum, and it actually took me getting to my my MBA at University of Chicago to be like, wait, hold on. The value here is actually to build a network, to make relationships, and and I actually need to spend time with these people and make connections and not work so hard and take everything so seriously.
Speaker 1:So I think everybody maybe comes from a different side of the spectrum, and we kind of try to meet in the middle. Carla, Corey, what an absolute delight. This has been so much fun.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is.
Speaker 1:I can do is advise parents who who, you know, are dealing with their own set of issues, and we all are, is you know, go talk to people in the business who can guide you because support systems are important and yeah, experience and knowledge matters. Thank you so much to both of you, appreciate you both.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having us.