Here Kitty, Kitty

"So what is on tonight?"

"Perverts versus lions"

It's the famous Coliseum, home to insane battle of epic complexity, world famous controlled naval battles and test of strength and strategy. 
And of course one man beating the heck out of another. The age of entertainment enjoyed even today on TV, just in a different format. 
In this epic episode we hear all the glories on stage while also hearing the juicy tips and gossip in the stands. 

We may be a little proud of this episode. Just saying. It was fun. Hope you enjoy. 

Credits: 

Nate Gothard as Caesar and Pervert 2                
Hester van der Vyver as Sensus                
Thomas Taufan as Voice                
Cheng as Pervert 1

Written by Mike Jones and Iley Jones
Produced by Bass Mike Studios and Iris Lantern

What is On the Roman Nose?

Turning back the pages of history, In the yesteryears of time, there once was an empire that was mightier than any before and held land greater than any since. A culture rich in architecture, education and art, but there is so little remaining of the Great Khan's dynasty that we can't make fun of it. So to Ancient Rome instead!

Here we join Lord Caesar and his loyal assistant, confidant and friend, Senator Sensus in the famed marble palace, facing diplomatic issues, comedic characters and the burden of leadership.

From the mixed bag of stories in Getting You Home On Friday, On the Roman Nose is slapstick happy, witty, and full of humour in a collection of short and sweet episodes.

(On the Roman Nose, Episode Seven, Here Kitty, Kitty)

THEME SONG: ROMAN MILITARY STYLE DRUMS WITH A FLOURISH OF HORNS.

VOICE: And now, to Rome!

CROWD CHEERING.

And now to the Colosseum!

CROWD CHEERING AGAIN.

To the gallery!

MORE CHEERING.

Row 12

SENSUS: Get on with it.

VOICE: Did you want the weather?

CROWD: (BOOING)

CAESAR: Excellent seats, Sensus, but why here and not in my box?

SENSUS: Another assassination attempt, my Lord.

CAESAR: I see. And who's in my place?

SENSUS: No, Hoo couldn't make it. But we slipped in your Cousin Alfredo.

CAESAR: The priest?

SENSUS: Yes, Pastor Alfredo.

CROWD CHEERING.

CAESAR: What was that, Sensus?

SENSUS: A Mexican wave.

CAESAR: Are they any good?

SENSUS: They have their ups and downs.

CROWD CHEERING AGAIN.

CAESAR: So what is on tonight?

SENSUS: Perverts versus lions.

CAESAR: Not the Christians?

SENSUS: No my Lord, we like to vary the lion's diet.

CAESAR: I see.

LIKE THE AMERICAN BASEBALL, A BUGLE SOUND AND THEN A
CRY FROM THE CROWD.

VOICE (PA): Lords, ladies and gentlemen, eunuchs, courtesans,
Thespians, Lesbians, Cretans and Bedpans, get ready to rumble.

CROWD CHEER.

(PA): In the red corner, sporting claws, fangs and a ferocious
appetite, man's best friend, the Lions!

CROWD CHEER.

(PA): And in the blue corner, recently arrested for acts against
the bovine, the Neapolitan Perverts.

BOOING AND HISSING.

CAESAR: What's their form like?

SENSUS: The perverts are coming off a big win last week.

CAESAR: Who were they up against?

SENSUS: The Lepers of Lesbos.

CAESAR: I thought they were good.

SENSUS: No, their form dropped right off.

CROWD CHEERING.

CAESAR: And the lions?

SENSUS: They had a big win over the team from the Oracle of Delphi.

CAESAR: I guess they didn't see that coming?

BOTH: (LAUGHING)

CAESAR: Where is the smart money?

SENSUS: Generally, kept in one's pocket.

CAESAR: Indeed!

SENSUS: This looks good, the perverts are making their move.

PERVERT 1: Here kitty, kitty, kitty. You like a lolly?

LION ROARS AND CROWD CHEER.

VOICE: (PA): Lions one perverts nil.

CAESAR: Oh, this looks like it will be over soon.

PERVERT 2: I’m a friend of your Mum’s.......

LION ROARS AND CROWD CHEER.

VOICE: (PA): Lions two perverts nil.

APPLAUSE.

SENSUS: Really, no contest.

CAESAR: So, what is next?

SENSUS: The Eunuchs of Umbria versus the Vestal Virgins of the Temple of Venus.

CAESAR: That does not sound like a fair contest.

SENSUS: Oh, not so my Lord, they have met once before.

CAESAR: Really?

SENSUS: Yes. If you cast your mind back to your wedding day. The Eunuchs took on the Vestal Virgins at
the reception orgy.

CAESAR: Oohhh, that's right the big hairy brutes.

SENSUS: That's them.

CAESAR: Fighting the Eunuchs.

SENSUS: That's it.

CAESAR: From memory an eight-hour pillow fight broken by one simple, superb bitch slap.

SENSUS: It was a beauty.

CAESAR: Glorious.

CROWD CHEERING AND LION ROARING.

THEME OUT.

END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones