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Diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder at age 36, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about DID, dissociation, trauma, and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Welcome to the System Speak podcast, a podcast about dissociative identity disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Okay, guys. We couldn't do this. Wash this mane right on my hair. Oh, man. Oh, man.
Speaker 1:Oh, man. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
Speaker 1:Little to the left, little to the right. Two hops now. Oh, yes. We are. Oh, man.
Speaker 1:Here it goes. You know what we're doing? I'll tell you. I've been parking under the trees with all the flowers. I'm running the car wash.
Speaker 1:Can you hear it like rainbow, Sophie? Because my car is covered in pollen. I might as well be allergic. Oh, man. This just hypnotized me.
Speaker 1:I love it so much. Fun fact, the car wash is my favorite place. And today, it is fake. Oh, yeah. Dry good.
Speaker 1:Nobody likes a hanky panky. Alright. Green means go. Now we're gonna vacuum like we mean it. That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:But it's the end of the day, nice and private here all by ourselves. Clean car? That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Man, I didn't even rest the car.
Speaker 1:Julie said, you wanna drive the truck? And I thought, oh, yes. And my mouse said, oh, no. Definitely not. And I thought, oh, man.
Speaker 1:I really didn't want to. So we're here for a chat. We're gonna chat. I don't know what to tell you of all the things. We're down at two kids with one on the way.
Speaker 1:Our youngest boy, he's on the way now on the airplane. Well, next week. That'd be a long airplane. If you're on the airplane a whole week, do you know how many sodas you drink? How many snacks you would get?
Speaker 1:How many peanuts you would eat? That'd be so many. That's what I think. Well, it's pretty good day. At Oklahoma, where I am not, they already had tornadoes this year, and it's already 8,000,000,000 degrees.
Speaker 1:They're already wearing summer clothes for a month or two already. Here, well, it snowed this morning because, of course, it did. But not a lot of snow, just a little snow. And the tulips are here, like the tulips one drink. Snow, I thought, oh, man, little tulips.
Speaker 1:You need a sweater. But people cancel their appointment. We try to offer to other people. They don't want the appointment. I said, that's fine by me.
Speaker 1:I'm going to the car, take a nap on my mattress bed. So I went outside. I climbed in the back. I stretch out really nice, close-up my curtains, cover up with my blankets, and I had a snooze. That's pretty good deal.
Speaker 1:Having a bed in your car. I like it. I like it okay. Yep. And what else to tell you about is well, I don't I don't I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't I don't know what you already know if I'm allowed to talk about things or not. We we I know I know she told you about the ketchup. Man, I wish you could hear that splat. I wish you could see that splat. Ketchup everywhere.
Speaker 1:She done told my story. That's all I think. Well, so I know we got we got update things to tell you. One is my therapist said she not gonna listen to podcast no more. Not if I will sue yourself then.
Speaker 1:I don't I don't need to have any feelings to talk about. That that's not true at all. I got a lot of feelings, but we have a conversation about that. If I'm gonna if I'm gonna take a turn on therapy, I gotta know it's okay. And I'm still having trouble know it's okay.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I'm watching. Sometimes I'm listening. Sometimes I'm learning. You know what the therapist said this week? First of all, this week, we gotta go three times.
Speaker 1:That was an accident. But do you know what she said yesterday that we gotta talk about tomorrow? She said, when you are stuck up in there, When you're little and all locked up? Or she said, if you're stuck in the closet, what do you think is happening in the outside world? And she said, when you were stuck in church, what do you think is happening in the outside world?
Speaker 1:And I thought, well, man, that's got me thinking. I don't right know. And, also, we got office. I gotta paint an update. I gotta tell you it.
Speaker 1:Jewel's office done. Her office done first because her people come in person, and that's important. That means I gotta be very quiet. Close the door. Be respectful.
Speaker 1:Have some privacy. Yep. Jules puts these things on the door, so nobody can hear us. Nobody can hear them. Everybody got privacy.
Speaker 1:We got our own office business still because they don't see us in person. They see us on the computer. So we're gonna work on our room next. But we're gonna change it because the light's in my eyes. And I said, please, can I not have a light in my eyes?
Speaker 1:So now we gotta move our office around. So now it was done, and now it is not done, but now it will be done. And then, also, the waiting room is done. You can get some cider or some coffee or some chocolate or some water. You just pick your poison.
Speaker 1:It's pretty good stuff. And, also, there's a middle room. The middle room is gonna be the art room, and we paint a rainbow in there. And, also also, we we brought all our art things. Jules did and we did, so we can play art in there.
Speaker 1:And the big room the big room, it goes you come in the door and goes waiting room, art room, big room, and then there's Jewel's office and our office. And the big room, finally, we got painted. No more red and gray in there, and it looks a lot better. Jules said, this is not white. This is called dove.
Speaker 1:Well, dove is a bird, and this is paint, and it's white. But, okay. It's called Dove. She she knows best. I'll I'll I'll listen and learn because if I pay attention, I might get to go Home Depot.
Speaker 1:I like it there, unless you're in tornado. You don't wanna be at Home Depot in tornado, just ask Joplin. I don't wanna talk about that today. But on the list of things we're not talking about in therapy, a therapist will never know nothing now. We're not writing.
Speaker 1:She's not podcasting, and we're not talking. That's another good therapeutic relationship. Moving pretty slow. Forwards, backwards is like a dance. I think we got the salsa going on, and I'm not talking about the chunky kind.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about the dancing kind. Maybe we'll do therapy. Maybe we won't do therapy. Maybe we'll do therapy. Maybe we won't do therapy.
Speaker 1:That our room has a orange wall, but not ugly orange, like pastel. Melon and paint colors. I can't even tell you about the paint colors. Melon is called mostly, it matches your shirt one day. That's what happened.
Speaker 1:But we're gonna put all the there's papers. There's crayons. There's paint. There's watercolors. There's brushes.
Speaker 1:There's journaling. There's markers and and all all the things to make anything you want. You're welcome anytime if you wanna borrow something or if you wanna make something, washi tape galore. I'm telling you, if you gotta just wrap up somebody bad till the cops and take them away, if you need to make something pretty, if you need to stick them to the wall, we got you covered. You can have any color you want.
Speaker 1:You can have flowers or cactus or anything. Really, we we got it because we got problem. We got serious washi tape problem. I can't wait till he can come play with us. The big room, we also paint one wall green.
Speaker 1:It's a very big wall, and we're going to put trees on it. And it says, connection brings healing, like that. And, also, and, also, people can write and stick on it. And I don't know how to explain that to you. You'll have to do this Wednesday.
Speaker 1:But it means connection brings healing. Connection also brings a lot of hard work and problems. But sometimes, if you have problems and you have hard conversations, well, they can get fixed. It's been a year. A year of hard conversation.
Speaker 1:That means lots of talking, lots of hard things, lots of crying for what is the best thing for everybody, and what is what is what are we learning? What are we learning from everything? And some some guy just walked by, nod his face at me. Are you gonna use a vacuum? Hold on.
Speaker 1:There's nothing in my act together. Man, they mean business. They're like, finish what you're doing. And I'm like, okay already. I'm trying.
Speaker 1:So I do vacuum my car, wipe it down. Know why? Because if you're gonna sleep in your car, you gotta keep it clean. So I'll change the sheets too. But now I gotta get out of here.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't wanna get fussed at or nothing. I've wiped it down really nice. Everything is clean and shiny. I I don't even know what I was telling you about. Telling you about updates.
Speaker 1:So we got three offices. I think we're talking about the office. We got three offices we got three offices left for painting. Unless they decide for all of it, and then I'll say, oh, man. Oh, man.
Speaker 1:That's better than a creepy hallway to the bathroom. So we'll probably paint that too. I know them girls, they're not even finished yet. Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this.
Speaker 1:Connection brings healing, and you can join us on the community at www.systemspeak.com. We'll see you there.