The Biblical Avengers

Kevin and Harley discuss Dogma and how art can be impactful.

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What is Beardless, D*ckless Me?

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

00:00:23
Speaker 1: Welcome back.

00:00:31
Speaker 2: The reason I do my surprise.

00:00:34
Speaker 1: Waukee too is that might go on. What's going on? Is it happen a stroke?

00:00:37
Speaker 2: Oh my god?

00:00:38
Speaker 1: Birdlisticless maam Kevin Smith, Quin Smith easiest mark in the world. The You couldn't be around fucking turkeys, bro, because that's all they do. I feel particularly laughed at the insulting them, even though you didn't truly mean it. Okay, ah we the past is the president and the president of the future or the past.

00:01:07
Speaker 2: No past, the past is the future, in the future is the past passes. You can throw a president in there if you want.

00:01:15
Speaker 1: The future. In the future is past. But we're in the present. But our present is their past.

00:01:20
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, our president is their future and this.

00:01:29
Speaker 1: Is how we get to time. Drow are Our past is their present. As they listened to the show.

00:01:38
Speaker 2: Yes, this is all happened to us is the present.

00:01:41
Speaker 1: So number one, just to let you know where we are in time. The Dogma the Resurrection tour kicked off last night in Los Angeles. We'll talk about that in a minute, but Harley gave me a wax stick. Those watching along at home at that Kevin Smith Club dot com. Uh it looks like a little little deodorant. It's called dart. The palmade stick and it's meant to keep my hair from doing the ship because my kid cannot be bothered to be like hat.

00:02:20
Speaker 2: I just though I don't. Sometimes I don't want to interrupt you and.

00:02:23
Speaker 1: You're on a roll. I think what happens is you become like fucking entranced by it. It looks like how stupid it look?

00:02:28
Speaker 2: Wow?

00:02:29
Speaker 1: I wish I could just tell him, but I can't. I'm gonna let him be stupid hair?

00:02:33
Speaker 2: Well, my dad looks what don't be like that?

00:02:42
Speaker 1: I'm sharing? Where can it be married? One day? I'm sorry, what's up? My dear hair looks stupid today? Christ?

00:02:52
Speaker 2: What got me puff? Don't you invoke the Lord and.

00:02:59
Speaker 1: You gotta puff like dogma?

00:03:01
Speaker 2: He did? He loved it.

00:03:03
Speaker 1: He left me a message where he was like, I really liked biblical avengers.

00:03:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what he kept saying. People like that's your Marvel movie. That's right, you've never seen it. I've never seen it.

00:03:16
Speaker 1: So we have the fucking is my hair holding?

00:03:18
Speaker 2: So far as the watch I was doing? Great?

00:03:21
Speaker 1: Problem is it feels like there's wax on my head.

00:03:23
Speaker 2: Ship you can't get it.

00:03:24
Speaker 1: If you put a wick in there, I could burn for hours as a votive. So we have the premiere at the Grove. Back in the day when you called movie Phone and mister movie Phone would read you the times. You know, when you want to go to a movie, he would say Pacific the Grove showtimes one pm, three forty five, five, thirty six, eighteen. You know, he always varied it. So we've been going to that theater for a while. We had the tour kicked off there. That was the first place, and we had two screenings and they put up a little like step and repeat and shit like that. Even though it wasn't like a premiere. It was just the first show. But since some people were in town like me and Jay, they were look, let's put up the thing. So the kid went to the first show. Now, the last time we had a and again this wasn't a premiere, but last time we had a Dogma premiere or the first time actually was it? No, it was after Can. Yeah, we went to Can first. Second time we showed the films at the New York Film Festival. That's where like we got out of the car with baby Harley. She was wearing angel wings and stuff, and there were a thousand protesters, like just praying the rosary, had us holding a big statue of Mary and stuff. They were not happy about Dogma playing there. So with Dogma returning to our lives, it's taken on something of a personal turn for Jennifer because she's like that's how ever released tip began. I becamogna.

00:05:01
Speaker 2: She's very sent me.

00:05:03
Speaker 1: Very cent, which is in truth, rarely is she sentimental. It may be a thing that's changing with and I'll say it in this room but never again age. But yes, is she You know, I'm not saying she's cold hearted, but she's not sentimental. She's not. She doesn't take nostalgic walks down you know memory. She doesn't like, you know, go out of her way to keep all the friends that she had when she was also in grade or high school. Like I mean, do I well in that way or just like your mom? Oh lord, but I mean it makes sense. Part of you has to be like your mom.

00:05:48
Speaker 2: I I see, I've clocked a few, uh, and that could be one similarities that could be one.

00:05:55
Speaker 1: And you didn't have like a fun high school experience. I don't know what her excuse was, because she seemed to be like she loved high school yeah, and cheerleader and shit like that. But you're you also won't have a probably not even twenty years from now, you'd be like, you know what I'm rethinking, Archer, Mmm, won't happened if anything with distance would become more bitter.

00:06:22
Speaker 2: I've become more bitter by the day. I pass it sometimes and I cry, Do you really Yeah? I surely cry so much because I want to go back so bad?

00:06:35
Speaker 1: Do you really like cry like I've literally.

00:06:38
Speaker 2: Passed it and started to cry.

00:06:40
Speaker 1: With relief or in memory of like, oh.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: That fucking place, in memory of oh this fucking place.

00:06:46
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't it be more relief since you never have to go back to that.

00:06:49
Speaker 2: I have nightmares about school all the time. You serious, constant nightmares?

00:06:55
Speaker 1: How do they go?

00:06:56
Speaker 2: Then? I'm still in school?

00:06:59
Speaker 3: That's enough.

00:07:00
Speaker 2: I'm not really sums it up.

00:07:02
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm not being chased by an axe murder or something. I'm just literally going classic class. And I'm like, what the fuck? No?

00:07:08
Speaker 2: I thought this was over.

00:07:09
Speaker 1: Such your idea of hell, like if you wound up, if there is a hell and you wind up in it and show it's just you going Archer every day? Yes, wow, yes, at least you know how to do that though.

00:07:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I could navigate, but you tell something.

00:07:20
Speaker 1: If there's a hell, then you're there. You should be so lucky as they're like, oh, I turn out you have to go to school. No, and everyone else in hell is.

00:07:32
Speaker 2: Like, why is what?

00:07:34
Speaker 1: Can I go to Archer? Why is that a pressure? She did not like it?

00:07:38
Speaker 2: Oh? Well, fucking who this hell? Man?

00:07:42
Speaker 1: How comes she ain't getting flayed? How comes she can to keep her Fuck? It's good.

00:07:46
Speaker 2: People are burning and I'm just at Archer and.

00:07:48
Speaker 1: You're like, this is the worst life that's ever been or after life?

00:07:53
Speaker 2: Oh god, that place.

00:07:56
Speaker 1: So Harley and Austin. But let's focus on because she could speak for herself because she's here and it is her show at least half of it.

00:08:03
Speaker 2: Oh thank you.

00:08:05
Speaker 1: Has never seen Dogma never. I was never like, watch she sit down and watched this. I haven't done that with any messed up I've never been like, you gotta watch fuck Kevin Smith movies.

00:08:16
Speaker 2: Man. Yeah, that's true.

00:08:20
Speaker 1: So it stands to reason that I was never like, oh, watch Dogma. But it is you know, the one that has probably aged the best. I don't know, I don't know if that's true, if it's age the best or if it's the one that's aged the best. But people sure fucking like it still, and they always regard it as like that's when he was good. What were your thoughts?

00:08:40
Speaker 2: Well, my thought I loved it. I really loved it. I thought the biggest standouts whereas the writing, Oh there are why.

00:08:50
Speaker 1: I know, the guy who had something to do you maybe have something to do with that I did.

00:08:55
Speaker 2: There were some beautiful speeches in there. Yeah, beautiful language. There's a lot of my logs, and I think that's something that doesn't happen as much these days in film. Yeah, and I think it's a gift. You know, actor, why thank you?

00:09:12
Speaker 1: And I'm sure the actors might might agree, unless you're the one having to spit out that fucking monologue and you know, like a little bit, fuck, let me start again and ship like that. But it is what I noticed, is I watched it is like the pace is it's a pace that I could never I would never do today. Like you meet almost all the players and you still don't have all the information, like you still know who's who and what's what and what's their connection? Why are we meeting all these people and stuff? And I'm not going to say like it. You know, it unfolds elegantly, but it unfolds in a way that I would never be able to. I couldn't stand today, like I would be like, oh my god, we got to get let's get moving. Why the fuck are they still like talking?

00:10:00
Speaker 2: How long?

00:10:00
Speaker 1: What is it that we watched his two hours? But Mosier he went to the second screening last night and this morning text. I was like, what do you think? And he was just like I I guess I was. I had that can cut in my head, the version that we took to the Camp Film Festival. He's gone because like it was weird to me that things were missing. He's gone, but I realized they weren't missing. That's that's how we released the movie in ninety nine. He's like, I haven't seen it in fucking years and ship, but he had in his head other elements or other scenes that went away. First cut of the movie was like four hours. Oh my god, I got down to three really shous two and a half. So I think the one we took four hours fifteen. Yeah, that was young.

00:10:42
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it could work for four hours just an important movie. Now you're like an hour and a half or bust hour and a half, like a fourth third movie.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: First Cup seventy two minutes. They were like, it's not legally a movie unless you add like six more minutes. I was like, oh so yeah. Watching it last night, I was like, man, it's not like men. It's as slow, but it does take its time giving all the information, but it works trust the audience. That young Keev trusted the audience a lot more than current cav and not that I'm like the oh it is just fucking stupid, but clearly that guy was like, they'll follow it, and you know now with experience, I'm like, we better move or maybe it's just story. The way we consume stories is completely different now, and you're the patience is far lower, like get to the point because we you know, everyone's been tiktokified and shit, so you can't get that point across like immediate lansha, you're in trouble. So I'm curious to see how it plays for folks who have never seen it before, and near one of them.

00:11:48
Speaker 2: So many wonderful performances.

00:11:51
Speaker 1: Did it feel like, come on, what's the point or did it feel no, no.

00:11:54
Speaker 2: What's what's the point?

00:11:56
Speaker 1: No?

00:11:56
Speaker 2: I feel like the point was really clear.

00:11:58
Speaker 1: You weren't raised in any faith, though, so I wasn't. Does the movie still work for somebody who has no sense of Catechism?

00:12:07
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

00:12:08
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:12:08
Speaker 2: I think I could absolutely understand your point of view in what you were trying to say, and I didn't. I didn't understand why it was so offensive to people.

00:12:23
Speaker 1: Oh you know, what did they say that? I remember there was a guy being interviewed and he was like, oh, it was a Bill o'donni, the head of the Catholic League, And they were the ones that went after Bill Donnie, who was an older gentleman. I don't know if he's still run, but he headed up an organization called the Catholic League, a self appointed body of religious watchdogs that looked at movies and TV shows and raised ire if there was a depiction of faith or religion, or particularly the Catholic Church that they didn't agree with. So we were ripe for them. We were. They were, you know, standing by the fact that we had like bad language in it, the fact that I had made clerks and mal rats and.

00:13:09
Speaker 2: Chasing monster in it.

00:13:10
Speaker 1: It's it's not to be.

00:13:12
Speaker 2: Taken so seriously. There are some beautiful ideas. I love. I love speaking of ideas. Believe yeah, I love love that line. I thought there were some really profound statements, and I didn't think it was like fuck, because for religion, it's very it's it's not it's it's very much. I don't know it's celebrating the right word, but acknowledging.

00:13:38
Speaker 1: It's definitely a celebration of faith, and you know, pokes at the foibles of the institution. Mm hm, you know. And that's par for the course of any fucking satire or even comedy. It's like, you know, go after the big guy, and big business is a target for some people, big religion as a target for others. I wasn't like, you know, if you watch Monty Python's Life of Brian, like they were like, how much more can we offend? And I wasn't even that guy. I wasn't like I want to offend somebody. I just found a rich tapestry that I'd been raised in my entire life on which I could weave this additional you know, kind of cosmology of like, oh, there are angels and they talk like us, and you know Jane, they know who Jane and sound about is like the movie is goofy as fuck, but at its heart, it's that's the last vestiges of my dying faith. That's me writing it all down before the fucking world ends around me, because I you know, that was me struggling with my faith at that point, like suddenly I was having a crisis of faith where it's like all the shit I used to believe in, I don't believe in it anymore. Why.

00:15:02
Speaker 2: I think that's it's really clear and probably really relatable for a lot of people who struggle with their faith. But I think it's very evident that it was written by somebody who is a Catholic or was a Catholic. I think it's so it's just really interesting to me that it's like that people got so offended because there's so much in there. There's no way that somebody who wasn't Catholic could write that. There's so there's so much information in there. Also, like there were I mean there were references that like I didn't get because I don't I didn't grow up Catholic because I I am not so familiar with the uh said Bible.

00:15:45
Speaker 1: But I have been in your bedroom. You have a bedside table. That's where your Bible goes. When you get into bed. You can read a few passages before you go sleep.

00:15:56
Speaker 2: That's good advice. So I'll get on that. Yeah, King James, all right, noted.

00:16:04
Speaker 1: But I don't want to walk in that room and see the Satanic Bible there. I'm talking the Bible, the Good Book, as they say.

00:16:09
Speaker 2: Of course, of course I gotta get familiar with it.

00:16:12
Speaker 1: The Biblical Avengers, as Puff.

00:16:15
Speaker 2: Might say it. It really was, though, like the Biblical.

00:16:18
Speaker 1: You a copy of Biblical Avengers and it's the Bible.

00:16:21
Speaker 2: He's like, it's a graphic novel, Puff, But there are no pictures. It's a novel. Did I have to picture?

00:16:34
Speaker 1: How great is that cast?

00:16:37
Speaker 2: Oh? My god? Stellar? Right? Absolutely stellar? Alan Rickman could watch, could watch for days, could watch for a lifetime. He's he's so good.

00:16:51
Speaker 1: Yeah he is, Dogma. He melted into that movie like he was supposed to be part of the recipe.

00:17:00
Speaker 2: Literally, like so pleasant to watch. Jay fucking hilarious, laughed out loud so many times.

00:17:10
Speaker 1: Steals the goddamn show.

00:17:11
Speaker 2: He really fucking killed it.

00:17:14
Speaker 1: That moment that movie like allows everything else, you know, Jane solambob shrug back and everything Jane slambab oriented since Dogma has all been predicated on, like that killer performance.

00:17:30
Speaker 2: He really he brought it.

00:17:33
Speaker 1: He did. He rose to the occasion.

00:17:35
Speaker 2: So did you. And you were a little cutie in that and your baby dad baby.

00:17:42
Speaker 1: I it's yeah, it was crazy. As I was watching the movie last night, I was like, Wow, there's not a single line in any of our faces, like because we're all young. Oh and then I turned to look at Jay and you know lines you'd appreciate that. He looks fucking great for his age. But we're all like getting old.

00:18:04
Speaker 2: So baby and so baby.

00:18:07
Speaker 1: Literally baby with like baby cheeks and stuff.

00:18:09
Speaker 2: Like Matt and Ben so baby.

00:18:12
Speaker 1: Matt and Ben post good Will hunting the first thing they did after Goodwele hunting really and then before they head off to well, I mean, while we're shooting the movie, they win the Oscar.

00:18:25
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:18:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, they're like Ben and Matt at the I wouldn't say that I was at the absolute height of my game, not my game, but just like I don't know, like at the same time, like Jane something. This is weird to say, but Jane Soladbop Strike Back may have been the apex in terms of like we were just coming off of Clerks, but mall right, somebody liked. But then chasing him in Dogma Won two Punch and people were like, he's legit and shit like that. So when we went to cast Jane some Above Shark Back, like we met with everybody. Christine Cheks brought fucking all of Hollywood, and we met with Matthew McConaughey really yeah, which is like, there's nothing for Matthew mcconne this dogging movie. But there could have been, like you know, at the end of the day. But it was crazy how many people we met with. And it was not because they were like, I want to be in Jane some about Shark Back. It was all because of like Chasing Amy and Dogma, They're like, well, the next thing he's going, I mean, this guy's on a roll fucking And then the next thing I did was Jane Soundboch Shark Back, which for a movie, I love it too, and it aged insanely well when it came out. It did financially well and stuff, but there was a sense of like, oh well, it's no Dogma like this, And then I followed it up a Jersey girl and they're like, oh well this is like fucking TV movie bullshit and whatnot. So I lost them there a lot of people.

00:19:54
Speaker 2: Dogma was very profound because it was full of statements and also so ahead of its time. Was so much of what you were saying, Yeah, maybe there were so many things that I was like, yeah, you go, dad.

00:20:13
Speaker 1: That's the thing. Maybe like back then I was ahead of the times, you know, and now I'm just struggling to keep up with the times you were.

00:20:22
Speaker 2: You were so ahead of the times there. It was. It felt very relevant watching it today. It didn't seem.

00:20:29
Speaker 1: Like like oh my god, this old timey boy.

00:20:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, there weren't things I was like, oh fuck it. There was like one or two things that I was like, ah fuck, But I was expecting a lot more right from a nine. Yes, it could have been so, it could have been so much more problematic, but it was you.

00:20:50
Speaker 1: Got understand me rushing out.

00:20:57
Speaker 2: Movie Hall. But there were so many moments where I was like, I'm so proud of him. He's so ahead of hate time, and it's weird.

00:21:06
Speaker 1: It's like, I, you know, it never occurred to me to like sit you down and make you watch it. But when Jen was like, oh, this is the first time she's gonna be saying and I was like, on that, I really don't want to know what she thinks.

00:21:24
Speaker 2: It made me so proud. It really made me so proud.

00:21:27
Speaker 1: You made me fucking crust.

00:21:28
Speaker 2: It made me be like, my dad is so smart or was was so smart.

00:21:33
Speaker 1: I could never do that movie again.

00:21:35
Speaker 2: Why because I don't because you're in a different place. But I think you could.

00:21:41
Speaker 1: Asked me last night. They were like, how are you gonna do a dog and sequel? That movie was made by guy who believed it all, and I've been very upfront about like, well, I don't believe that anymore. So Dogma hits a lot of people who were raised the way I was raised, So there's a a certain not a universality to it. But fuck the plot, Fuck the stars, fuck the actors. Something at the core of that movie is ingrained to them as it was me, Like drive to church every Sunday morning and shit like it's a spoken secret language. And most lapsed Catholics have a very you know, it fraught relationship with their former faith, you know, because it's never just like oh yeah I speak ethic, but you know, it's like, oh the fucking they indoctrinate you in that fucking thing and shit. Once people quote unquote get free and whatnot. But even if you get free quote unquote it that's they've had you since childhood. So their shit you'll never get rid of. I'm still afraid of going to hell, even though I.

00:22:50
Speaker 2: Know there is none that's so interesting.

00:22:53
Speaker 1: They do a good My mother Mamily seventy nine head toward eighty, you know, has stopped going to church because for mostly for health reasons and stuff like that. They still bring our communion and shit at home, but you know, has gotten to a place where she was like maybe I you know, I don't know how much of this I believe it. Once again, well, her faith is a faith that her parents heap done her and be like this is what we believe, and this is what you believe, and shit, and you're never told to question like, here's your religion. Do you have any questions? And be like, well, why can God make up boulder so big even he can't lift it? Stop saying that shit, you know, and that's where dogma comes from.

00:23:34
Speaker 2: It was impactful for me watching it, so I can only imagine what it would feel like for somebody who did grow a Catholic and how seen they would feel. Yeah, and that that's really special. I think you made something that a lot of people have and will continue to feel seen by.

00:23:57
Speaker 1: But thank you for that. That means the world. But in doing a sequel, I don't think I can do that again. I could bring back the characters, and I could do a fucking very clever story and shit which will make people go like, ah, I see, And once we get past the clever concept, I just got to make sure the movie holds all the way through as a three act story.

00:24:16
Speaker 2: And I think it's really interesting that you're coming at it from a different perspective now, from a different place in your life. I think people will also relate to that because there are also people who are now in your position, who are past the faith phase of their life and are in a new spot. So I think I think it will be really interesting issus sided.

00:24:44
Speaker 1: The thing is that movie was hopeful, and the older I get, you just gotta it's harder to manufacture. Yeah, but you know what, that's literally the only thing I'm good for, so I can't crap out on it and not do it. Like sometimes I'm like, man, I wish I was just done. But you know, until I'm done done, until the world is absolutely until life is done with me, the only reason I'm here is to give people that that distraction that oh I feel seen, that momentary respite from the you know, ever battling hopelessness and hopefulness that living for more than thirty years on planet Earth does. Too older I get the more I realized, we were never meant to last this fucking long, and we're only lasting longer. And shit, and if you last longer, you have to continue working and you know, to pay for bills and all that makes me. I wish I was like, I wish Momily was fucking rich. Man. I wish I was one of them trust fun babies and ship, I wish you were a trust fun baby, because would borrow money from you.

00:26:10
Speaker 2: I wish Momily was rich too. It's all her fault, Momily. Come on, she didn't work hardly. Come on, man, are.

00:26:23
Speaker 1: You fucking kidding me? My mother did not My mother created me absolutely, but sometimes when you're a parent, you create things that you don't intend to create in your kid, as we all know. And how she conducted her life as like, well that's well, that's how you do it, because that was the example I always had. And Momily's life is about service constantly, just what do you need? How can I help?

00:26:50
Speaker 2: How can it sounds like someone else, I know, how can.

00:26:52
Speaker 1: I, Oh, let me take care of that. Oh, okay, we're doing We're.

00:26:56
Speaker 2: Gonna Yeah, it sounds a little familiar.

00:26:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, from her, she cares a lot, and you know, I care a lot too because of Momily.

00:27:09
Speaker 2: And it's a really beautiful thing.

00:27:11
Speaker 1: How it is just get you in trouble sometimes and then sometimes you just wish, for your heart's sake, that you didn't care so much because.

00:27:18
Speaker 2: It's hard to care. It is. It's a lot easier to live in ignorance or to not acknowledge what's going on, but it's it's a beautiful thing to care. Yeah, that's why we're vegan. Well, actually you were forced to go vegan. That's why I'm vegan.

00:27:39
Speaker 1: I mean now I'm absolutely like if somebody was like, hey man, you could eat meat and animal products now until the day you died, it won't affect your health. I wouldn't go back so proud because at the end of the day, while I wasn't like an ethical vegan, somebody was like, well, I just don't want to hurt a thing, even far a wife enough from it. And it's just like.

00:28:02
Speaker 2: You don't need it.

00:28:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, if I could do without, now, you know, very why is ass on the Planet's like put you're killing and eating plants and they're living things, aren't they?

00:28:10
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

00:28:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will grapple with that somewhere down the road, but in a world of like, you know, I can't do no harm, but do as little harm as you can. Yeah, I'll need a plant based product than.

00:28:25
Speaker 2: Facts.

00:28:26
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's not even like you know, if I was given the fucking magic wand like you can eat it all, I'd be like, I'm okay, Like I like the foods that I actually eat.

00:28:35
Speaker 2: So proud of you.

00:28:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, you had a lot to do with that.

00:28:39
Speaker 2: But anyways, Yeah, Lance Moore said, is God as right, absolutely stands and ship so cute, absolutely perfect casting. Yeah, but I do really think I loved so many things about the movie, and everything was very impressive the story or that the performances, the directing. But I do really think I was. I was very blown away by the writing.

00:29:09
Speaker 1: In in the I mean.

00:29:11
Speaker 2: You've seen the other movies I made, Yes, So.

00:29:14
Speaker 1: You're saying this is more well written than the other movies, Well, we're d more dnse more. I guess it's the creative It goes all over place. Most of the other stuff I do is like a snapshot of real life. This was about this is the Wizard of Oz, where you know, Dorothy goes on a fucking journey and ship like that, and in place of fantasy fantasy characters, we use biblical giants and stuff. Uh so, yeah, I mean definitely like the most ambitious thing I ever wrote, would that be right? Clerk's marsac Amy nearly as ambitious as talk, I would say, so, yeah. Jane Sonabob strike Back has ambition to it as well. It's big in a different way altogether, but its ideas aren't big. Cheersey Girl, no clerks to know.

00:30:12
Speaker 2: I mean, Tusk was pretty ambitious, but yeah, facts, there's facts.

00:30:19
Speaker 1: These are These are ambitious movies as well, just not in the same way Dogma was, like, you know, stuffing one hundred pounds of shit into a fucking ten pounds bag. Like, we could have used more money to tell that story, but we did it for ten millions. A ten million dollar movie.

00:30:37
Speaker 2: Really, that movie.

00:30:39
Speaker 1: Costs less than Jane Zambob Reboot. No, the exact same as Jane Son Bob Reboot.

00:30:46
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:30:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, half of Jane Sam Bob strike Back. Oh we got more money. I was telling you I was of my powers after Dogma.

00:30:53
Speaker 2: Damn.

00:30:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're giving me like twenty million dollars and shit.

00:30:58
Speaker 2: I think. Uh. The writing also stands out when being.

00:31:02
Speaker 1: Delivered by standout performers.

00:31:05
Speaker 2: Mister Allan Rick, I mean, yes, just absolutely gorgeous.

00:31:12
Speaker 1: Talk about somebody who he didn't execute. He fucking elevated every syllable of this shit.

00:31:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was that was really good. That was really really good. Is this what in your app inside?

00:31:24
Speaker 1: Kids? Well, let's quench that thirst little holy water, and that holy water is Dogma the Resurrection Man. You can go see it on tour. I'm still on tour right now, even though I'm having this conversation with you, because we recorded this in the past, and the past is the future, in the future is the past, and Dogma hits theaters everywhere June fifth. I'm trying to think of no, because I finished the tour, so we'll be back to doing shows week of by the time the movie goes wide. Yes, but for now, you can see it on the road with me. Kids. Come to the Resurrection store tickets at dogminmovie dot com. I want you to pull three questions from your list. Okay, take us out of there. I have a hard time talking about the things I do for a long period of time unless I'm being paid to do it in a Q and A format. It's somebody you know once said that it sounds bragging shit, So I.

00:32:20
Speaker 2: Was like, I you know, I don't. I mean, it was a it was a big moment. Last night it was It's a really big moment, and I'm very excited for you. He's stweeny exciting.

00:32:32
Speaker 1: Thank you.

00:32:33
Speaker 2: It's a really big deal and it felt very special to be able to see it in his theater.

00:32:40
Speaker 1: Jay last night was like, you know, I've never seen this in a theater really, And I was like, and I thought back to the times, and it was like that tracks tracks.

00:32:49
Speaker 2: But he still didn't see it because he left.

00:32:51
Speaker 1: He did he has got you know, not one, but two kids, so Jordan should have been there. She worked like crazy to make all this happen and shit, but somebody had to watch the kids. She was saying this morning, and she, you know, she was like, maybe I should have gotten a babysitter. I was like, yeah, yeah, but it was Easter Sunday. We inconveniently kicked off our tour there, so tough to get a babysitter on Easter Sunday.

00:33:15
Speaker 2: That's true. There's always the Burbank show, yes.

00:33:19
Speaker 1: And also jam I go to like San Francisco as well. Oh Nice, which is on sale and selling very well that I'll sell out very soon as well.

00:33:28
Speaker 2: I was laughing out loud at Jay so many times.

00:33:31
Speaker 1: He's fucking brilliant in that movie. I mean, I told the crowd last night. But like when we showed the movie at the New York Film Festival at Alice Tully Hall, Jay was there for you know, the red carpet ship, and then he got hammered and fucked off and shit, never came back for the movie and didn't get back for the Q and A. So we're standing sitting up on the Alice Tully stage. You know, behind this long table and it's the entire cast, like Rickman's there, Mat bat Men and Matt Ben and Matt Rock, Howard Schure, who did the score, was there, Me Mos, Salma, Linda, although I don't know if Linda state human. She was there for the premiere, but everybody basically up there and somebody asks a question and Matt goes, look before we go anywhere. I just want to acknowledge that, like Jason Muse stole that entire fucking movie from some of the most famous people in the world sitting up here right now, and you know, everyone applauded and shit. But he wasn't there to hear it, but he he was. Matt called it man, that guy. He fucking stole that movie.

00:34:37
Speaker 2: He really, he really did.

00:34:40
Speaker 1: Firing on all cylinders, not not like and here it's not like. And he never did it again. He always does. But prior to that too, you know, clerks were all rank amateurs and stuff. Mal rats he's still pretty green chasing Amy. He has one scene and I've got most of the heavy lifting with the monologue. That's the memorable part of that sequence. So Ogma was like ladies and gentlemen.

00:35:02
Speaker 2: Jason mus it was his time to shine and shine.

00:35:06
Speaker 1: He did as the kids say, he ate he ate.

00:35:11
Speaker 2: Floor equals what eight?

00:35:19
Speaker 1: All right, what do you got? What do they want to know?

00:35:21
Speaker 2: And then I got all right, all al right, here's.

00:35:26
Speaker 1: A here I cannot see anymore.

00:35:28
Speaker 2: I'm like, looking, you need glasses so bad.

00:35:31
Speaker 1: I used to wear them fucking willingly, and now I'm like, you really need glasses.

00:35:36
Speaker 2: And he's looking through his phone camera to look at something to enlarge it because he did.

00:35:43
Speaker 1: Really, I'm doing the old man'st.

00:35:45
Speaker 2: He's being such an old man.

00:35:47
Speaker 1: Used to have a little magnifiers read the paper.

00:35:50
Speaker 2: Do you need a monocle?

00:35:53
Speaker 1: Fucking monocle?

00:35:54
Speaker 2: If you had a monocle to your look the uh?

00:35:56
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I mean I could, but I can kind of see that. I would probably bust a nerve trying to hold it in place all the time, because you gotta do that, and then I would have to like never be able to gain weight, because otherwise people be like fucking peg. One of my favorite moments in cop Out is Bruce and Tracy around the beach and they're fucking staking out of house, and as they're talking about it, he starts talking about Tracy's character. Paul starts talking about the neighbor, his neighbor, Henry, whose wife is always like talking to and shit like that, and he's, you know, he fantasizes about like while fucking he's at work, they're fucking getting it on or whatever the fuck, and we, uh, there's a song playing under it which is like ridhythm is it danced and like Henry and slow mo that make an eye contact like winking and shit like that. And we cut back to like Bruce and Tracy on the beach, and you know, the music cuts all together, and Bruce says something to him and he goes, he's really that bad, and he goes Chasey goes fucking fucking Monica wearing motherfucker, And then we cut back to him to Henry, the neighbor, and he turns into camera and he had a monocle. I had a long, like fucking cigarette holder with a cigarette in it. Show like that. It was like goofy as fuck, but it was inspired by fucking Monica wearing motherfucker. That rocks Warner Brothers. The head of Warner Brothers was a guy that now heads Disney. Bob Iger, No, my bad, who was it?

00:37:36
Speaker 2: It's like, I feel like Bob Auger's been busy with Disney for a minute.

00:37:39
Speaker 1: Alan Horne, Okay, he may not run Disney at this point, but he then went to Disney later on. I believe Alan Horn ran Warner Brothers. He had this, you know, crisis of conscience where he's like, we're never promoting smoking in movies again, so there won't you won't see anyone smoking in a Warner Brothers movie unless they're a villain or something like that. Even then, they're not gonna be smoking there, maybe have a cigarette in their mouth. So our shot, you know, Henry turning with the monocle and the long cigarette holder and the lit cigarette. It wasn't even lit, just in there. They flagged that and they're like, you gotta pull that out, Like we didn't shoot another take and cigarettes isn't even lit. He's not smoking, Like it doesn't matter, no tolerance policy. So the first thing we did was cgi out the cigarette. So he just had the cigarette holder, the long cigarette holder in his mouth, which still kind of worked. And then Warner Brothers is like, I can't even have that, but he's not smoking. There's it's like having a strong on your mout. Sorry, so it's removed. So when you watch the movie, he turns he has a monocle and that's it. But really, yeah, he's got that fucking uh Henry Cavill Superman mouth from those reshoots and ship. But I love fucking Monica wearing mother.

00:39:00
Speaker 2: Oh you could be a monocle wearing motherfucker.

00:39:04
Speaker 1: You know I won't. I won't discount it. All right, Cool, you know what I'm saying. I've worn many looks over my many eras. Yeah, I won't rule out Monica.

00:39:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just wondn't rule it out quite yet.

00:39:16
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know then it feels like if you're rocking a Monoica, you gotta be like, right.

00:39:20
Speaker 2: You just gotta be the penguin.

00:39:23
Speaker 1: All right, ask a question? All right, this is always the hairs doing has my hair?

00:39:27
Speaker 2: It's going great.

00:39:29
Speaker 1: Hasn't moved her, hasn't.

00:39:30
Speaker 2: Moved, She's staying in place.

00:39:33
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm doing it a what is it called R and co? R and Co dart all right.

00:39:39
Speaker 2: It's a special gift from me to you for your tour.

00:39:42
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'll take it with me and I'll thank you every time I use it.

00:39:45
Speaker 2: Thank you, this is a this is a good one.

00:39:48
Speaker 1: You're a good kid, you know what.

00:39:51
Speaker 2: Thank you. You're a good dad. You're a great dad.

00:39:55
Speaker 1: I don't know how to take a compliment, so it always let's just let's just keep it on you. You're a good kid, Okay.

00:40:02
Speaker 2: I'll take it.

00:40:04
Speaker 1: Great person, good kid. You get your head on straight.

00:40:07
Speaker 2: I try, I try to keep it straight.

00:40:09
Speaker 1: You do your admirable I you know, I it sounds goofy to say, but I look up to you. I would like to manage my life the way you manage your life. You know, if somebody was like, you should take a page out of her book, I'd be like, I should, Like that's good.

00:40:25
Speaker 2: It's so nice.

00:40:27
Speaker 1: True, I'm happy with like you know, I'm happy for you because it's like, oh I should, you know, dealing with ship like everybody else. But at the same time, you you can handle it, put in its place and still do the things that make you happy. Were the things you need to do, Like you're you're doing it well, You're doing great. You don't have to dive into the question.

00:40:55
Speaker 2: If I could, if I could make an impact, a positive impact on people's lives, even a quarter of the impact that you've had on people's lives, I would die happy.

00:41:10
Speaker 1: It's nice. I'll be honest with you. Eric Crosco sent me a thing the other day and you saw and read it where the guy was like, Clerks three saved my life and years hours Like I saw that movie and Dante heart attack and stuff. Just last week I was feeling a similar way. And then I was like, well they went into the hospital in the movie, I might as walked, and sure enough you had a heart attack. And Eric Crosco is just like, bro, say what you will about your work. He's gone. But like one person that we know of is alive today because you made a movie. And I was like, I met a dude on Runyon who told me there are five people I know of who are alive today because of because of you talking about that heart attack, Like keep doing it. The dude told me on the fucking when I was walking the dogs on running and shit, He's like, they don't always remember your name is going Sometimes you know Kevin smith is he was having a heart attack, and the way he described it feels like the way I feel now. He goes. Sometimes they call you sign the Bob. Sometimes they're like, you know that guy, and sometimes they call you Kevin James. He's going, But it is always you and you being out there in the world and having talked spoken about it that brought them in. And in each instance that I was involved in, the guy said because he's an er nurse. He was like, that was the difference maker. If they hadn't seen you talk about it, they would not have come in. He's going, So keep doing it. You're saving lives, And that like meant the world to me, because you know, sometimes you read fucking bad reviews, you know, fu stupid. What am I still doing this? And then like when I watched Dogma last night, I'm like, God, it was so easy, and I was it was so easy to be good back then, Like I like, maybe I should just stop and let people remember all the old stuff and not give him new stuff to like hate on and shit like that. But you know that's silly, yeah, yeah, but those are those are the thoughts, right, Like it can't help them, like they're not mine. They are just thoughts that fucking hit me, shower shower me constantly, and I can't turn him off. And sometimes the thoughts are cool and get me places and sometimes the thoughts are fucking maple syrup and just drag me, keep me exactly where I am. But wait, what was the point of me saying, like talk to last night.

00:43:27
Speaker 2: Is that you've saved many lives?

00:43:30
Speaker 1: Yes, I have to continue because like even in the goofiest ways, like aside from like this is how I are in my living, like I know for a fact that the ship I do has fucking saved lives.

00:43:42
Speaker 2: A man last night told his beautiful and heartbreaking story during the Q and A that yeah, that was such a special moment that he almost took his life and he didn't because of you.

00:43:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, as a dude. During the Q and I said that, he was like, I wrote you a letter, but I just want to tell you, and he started break it down. I was like, hold on, I'll make it more awkward. And I went right up to him, held his hand and hit and he got reels raincoats man and talked about like not you know, almost doing it, and then I didn't do it because you're the voice in the back of my head. And he's like it a held on like shit like that. It's like it doesn't matter if I get tired. If it doesn't matter if I get like beat up every time I get up to bat, because I'm not that Kevin Smith anymore. Like those movies that people would hold that I've made recently that people would hold up against Dogmen and be like, he's not the same anymore. He's not doing the same quality work. Are the exact same movies that have saved lives. Absolutely, So it's like, as much as I'm open to criticism, it's like, yeah, I'm sorry it failed for you as a story, but I know for a fact this shit worked like way better than I was intending it to, and it did something better than fucking tell a story in some cases.

00:45:01
Speaker 2: Fuck a hater. You're saving lives.

00:45:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, But then you can't think like that too much because you get like, like, all right, calm down, you're making fucking Jane silly bobbery boot and shit like that.

00:45:12
Speaker 2: But that's true. That brings the positivity and joy to people's lives that make the difference, And that's that's the most impactful thing you can do, is bring joy to people's lives. And that's what you do all the time. And I want you to also take care of yourself and if you get tired, you got to give yourself a break sometimes and make sure you're taking care of yourself and eating every day and everything.

00:45:42
Speaker 1: The audience can't hear me nodding, but if they were watching on that Kevin Smith Club, they would watch me nodding.

00:45:48
Speaker 2: And just so everyone knows, I try my best to take care of this man. But him's kind of him a little difficult sometimes.

00:45:54
Speaker 1: Like it's not like I'm like, give me the pork. He's eating himself to death, you know.

00:46:00
Speaker 2: I sometimes I just you, you're the hardest working person I know, which so track like, no, it really does, though it really is.

00:46:11
Speaker 1: It's because it doesn't feel like work that I never feel, yeah, like it is work. I know it is. It's time consuming, and I know it pays bills, so it must be work. But at the same time, I'm always like, you know, my father had a real job, you know, fucking Rohelio who fixed our house as a real job. Pop had a real fucking job, you know what I'm saying, Like when he was a cop and ship. You know, I just I have a like I'm just I'm very fucking blessed, unfortunate, and I just want to like pass that along because my Catholic guilt doesn't allow me to enjoy it that much, because it's like, oh, why do you have this and why others do not? And you should be thankful for this, and you should share it as much as you possibly can.

00:47:00
Speaker 2: I think gratitude and sharing is for sure important and absolutely the way I always be grateful. But you also got to give yourself some grace. Sometimes you gotta take grace. You got to give yourself some momiy.

00:47:15
Speaker 1: Sometimes you got momily somewhere. It's just like I hear that.

00:47:21
Speaker 2: Kid's right.

00:47:24
Speaker 1: You gotta listen to Harley her Boyfriend's in eight Tide commercials this.

00:47:28
Speaker 2: Month from one to two to eight.

00:47:32
Speaker 1: Oh god, oh my god.

00:47:37
Speaker 2: He is the face of time.

00:47:40
Speaker 1: He's high time right now, that's what it is.

00:47:43
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

00:47:44
Speaker 1: All right, what do we got Let's take a question, get out of here.

00:47:47
Speaker 2: All right, this is a good one. Okay, just comes from a reader named so true. I always forget that Mermaid x ex.

00:47:58
Speaker 1: Spirit Mermaid x ex Spirit. Here we go.

00:48:02
Speaker 2: Do y'all have anxiety? It's so you know, I thought we'd just continue with the but I mean, I think I just answered this question, but it also.

00:48:14
Speaker 1: Clearly I have anxiety.

00:48:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, but not.

00:48:18
Speaker 1: The garden variety kind, which is not me dismissing anybody else's anxiety, but mine is very Kevin Smith's specific, artist specific, relevancy specific.

00:48:31
Speaker 2: The rest of the question is, if so, how do you deal? Because like, dealing is hard man.

00:48:37
Speaker 1: Dealing is fucking hard man. Well, when I was in the Lonely Ben, they taught me to stay out of the past and stay out of the future and live in the present, which I try to do as much as possible. However, a lot of my job, as you've seen, like look at last night, my present is all about my past and the future.

00:48:54
Speaker 2: Like we're in Dogma game that is pretty complicated, actually.

00:48:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, And most of the stuff I do is similar to that because it's like, hey, we're making another one and it's predicated on the past because it's a James Aubab movie and we've made those before and stuff like that. So it's tough to do the thing I was instructed to do, the thing I learned to do, because my job also requires me to think about what is next at all times, because when you're done with this thing, I don't have a tradition. I don't have a career. A career or even a job is something that is there for you, unless you work for the government right now, is there for you five days a week and is dependable and you could quit it or you can be promoted and stuff like that. But my job is me and I'm self employed. And even if I make a movie that ends, so it's not like, all right, we'll see you guys next month.

00:49:49
Speaker 2: There is a lot of uncertainty constantly.

00:49:51
Speaker 1: So I you know, how does one deal with the anxiety They taught us to breathe? Yeah, like, which I get last night, Like at the premiere, I felt I kind of faints at a moment. And at one point Alessandra, who was the one that saved the movie, right, she goes, you've got to breathe, Kevin, and I was like, oh my god. She's one of those people too. She's very like, you know, like she took a middle name of Gaya because she's like the earth, so you know, she's real, like she feels she's empathic and mona. But she sounded like one of the people that I was like that would have been taking care of me when I was in see her too soon, because she was like, you just need to breathe. Breathe then, and breathe that, and I forgot. I mean that's honestly, like, sometimes you just get so preoccupied, so busy, you just forget to fucking breathe and that in post people like, that'sn't possible, because you know, it's a automatic, like you don't.

00:50:47
Speaker 2: The focusing on your breath brings you back.

00:50:49
Speaker 1: Into you to where you are. And usually the past and the future fraught with either regret or fucking anxiety, whereas the present. I'm not saying you can't be anxious in the present. That's where anxiety begins, is in the present, and we let it take us into the future. A future doesn't even exist. But staying in the present is tough, particularly at this moment in time. Yeah, so, since the president is about the pat, pat, the president is the past, and the past is also my future for the next month.

00:51:23
Speaker 2: It's getting a little complicated for you.

00:51:25
Speaker 1: And again, but no complaints, because it's like, what a wonderful gift to be able to take dog mout again. You know, I've been separated from her for so long and stuff.

00:51:34
Speaker 2: You should take time to reflect during this experience. Agreed a little journal would be nice. Maybe having a journal would be really nice.

00:51:46
Speaker 1: Yeah. Maybe when I was in the fucking booby Hatch, I was writing, like in a journal.

00:51:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's something.

00:51:53
Speaker 1: Supposed to doing this.

00:51:54
Speaker 2: Really lovely about writing in a journal. Yeah, I think it's it's important to take this time to reflect because it is. It is pretty. It's pretty meta, taking something from the past bringing into the future. It's trying to stay in the present. It's a lot going on.

00:52:12
Speaker 1: There are a lot of things.

00:52:14
Speaker 2: There's a lot going on for you. Yeah, it makes you think about the past. What makes you also think about your future, But meanwhile you're in the present.

00:52:25
Speaker 1: It's a little mind they're compounding it and making it worse by saying it over and over again. I'm like, wait a second, she's right.

00:52:30
Speaker 2: And just in case you haven't heard me one more time, you are fucked. I just think the most important thing for you during this next month, it's one to take care of yourself. The hair is holding. Take care of yourself. Focus on taking care of yourself so you could take care of others. Yes, do a little dance here and there.

00:52:54
Speaker 1: That's important.

00:52:55
Speaker 2: Never stop dancing. Never stop dance and keep the dance going, and take time to reflects what a special experience it is.

00:53:04
Speaker 1: You're right now. It's clear why I had you for this moment.

00:53:10
Speaker 2: You're welcome.

00:53:11
Speaker 1: You saved me.

00:53:11
Speaker 2: I do what I can.

00:53:12
Speaker 1: Your job here is finished. You may I'll go about the rest of your life doing whatever you like.

00:53:16
Speaker 2: Goodbye.

00:53:18
Speaker 1: Whatever happened to Harley, she was finished. I was fixed. Sure she's fixing someone else. Path, don't fucking fix me.

00:53:34
Speaker 2: When I met Puff that I was drawn to him because he did need fixing?

00:53:41
Speaker 1: Is that right?

00:53:42
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah? Really he was in a really, really dark place. Do you know that? When I met Puff?

00:53:51
Speaker 1: Did you just hear yourself saying that loud? I realized, I call the man that I'm going to marry.

00:53:55
Speaker 2: Puff, I called him these days, I call him monkey monkey monkey, So Puff monkey monkey, Puff.

00:54:07
Speaker 1: Hey, Puff Monkey, come over here monkey.

00:54:11
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

00:54:12
Speaker 1: So when you met him, you want like I can fix pet.

00:54:15
Speaker 2: I just felt like something was I've.

00:54:16
Speaker 1: Got the key to this man a monkey.

00:54:22
Speaker 2: I felt an overwhelming sense of this person needs help, and where do you get that's to say. I remember texting him and asking if I could come to his hotel room. And I don't even know this man. I don't know this man at all, and I'm asking if I could come to his room because I wanted to tell him that I consensed that you're carrying a lot of pain and I just want to want to let you know. I know you don't know me, but I'm here if you want to talk. And then later on found out his best friend passed away, his grandpa passed away. He was dealing with all this grief and he was stuffing it down and putting different substances on top of it to forget about it. And I would like to say I helped him come out of it.

00:55:21
Speaker 1: How can I?

00:55:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, helped him, helped him.

00:55:27
Speaker 1: He's like, I want to marry this one. She's a keeper. Fuck. She dragged me out of a hole. If I ever fallen in another hole, she get me out of it.

00:55:33
Speaker 2: I just helped him process his grief because he was not. He was trying to ignore it rather than process and deal with it and feel all the things that it came with.

00:55:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, but one is easier. It's so, And you can't blame somebody for avoidance.

00:55:52
Speaker 2: Lord knows it's easier.

00:55:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, avoidance is just but it will get to you.

00:55:58
Speaker 2: Oh, I know it will get to you.

00:56:01
Speaker 1: True. Can you find a less egregious question?

00:56:09
Speaker 2: Yeah? What about? What about? Do you two actually enjoy working with each other? Three? Two one? O?

00:56:23
Speaker 1: God, I enjoy working with the kid. I put her in everything for that reason. I think she's good. Like, of course I think she's good. She reads my dialogue and I'm like, oh, that's that. That sounds great. That sounds better than the way I heard it in my head. And if in terms of this, like this doesn't even feel like work therapy, if anything.

00:56:50
Speaker 2: Just hanging out, hanging out, man.

00:56:53
Speaker 1: So yeah, I enjoy working with the kid very very much.

00:56:55
Speaker 2: It's a very special thing that we get to. We're able to work with you each other.

00:57:00
Speaker 1: Truth. I mean, yeah, there, you know lucky? Are we crazy? Fucking lucky? Lucky? Blessed one might say, absolutely blessed as blessed as the Biblical avengers aka Dogma The Resurrection Tour in theaters tune fifth. But I'm on tour with it right now. Come see me.

00:57:24
Speaker 2: I think comes out the door will be over.

00:57:26
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think, well, is this the fifth week?

00:57:29
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:57:30
Speaker 1: So if this is like, but it's like it goes on May thirtieth, Like there's the santiscoing purpose.

00:57:36
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah, dog movie dot Com, Dog.

00:57:40
Speaker 1: Movie dot Com. If you want to still see me with the movie on tour, but June fifth, you can just go down to your local movie theater and just see it.

00:57:47
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

00:57:47
Speaker 1: It can be everywhere, like fucking like growing like a weed.

00:57:52
Speaker 2: A beautiful, beautiful weed that's going.

00:57:54
Speaker 1: To bloom and die within the span of two weeks. Oh lord, like most movies.

00:57:59
Speaker 2: All right, well, yes, let's be more optimistic.

00:58:03
Speaker 1: You want optimism, Come see dog Ma Kids, party like it's nineteen ninety nine.

00:58:08
Speaker 2: Prepare thyself for the second coming dog Ma coming.

00:58:11
Speaker 1: To movie theaters June fit. See it on Door with Kevin Smith Live Kids. There's your beardless stickless me. Thank you for your patients. While I've been off doing the tour and whatnot, it occurred to me that you could have probably done some shows with Puff.

00:58:29
Speaker 2: People would be like, wait, what the fuck.

00:58:31
Speaker 1: She's like, what there if Puff is the host? They're like, which one's beardless and which one's stickless?

00:58:36
Speaker 2: So true, it's too confusing.

00:58:40
Speaker 1: Thank you for your patience. The next episode will be back to somewhat real time.

00:58:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, the president is the present.

00:58:46
Speaker 1: We will be able to talk about everything that's happened over the course of the last month that we seemingly refused to address in the show, Like something massive could have happened. Man, Yeah, fucking aliens could have landed and shit, and everyone's like, do you hear the show? This week? They still like talking about Milt need Goddamn, he's going through a thing.

00:59:04
Speaker 2: She can fucking heal them.

00:59:05
Speaker 1: What the fuck they're not talking about the aliens?

00:59:07
Speaker 2: A fucking vapories half of Pittsburgh. Oh fuck, why Pittsburgh?

00:59:13
Speaker 1: They hate Ketchup?

00:59:15
Speaker 2: They hate Ketchup?

00:59:16
Speaker 1: Why the aliens? Oh of course it's like the aliens and fucking signs how they couldn't handle water and ship like that? These ones hate Ketchup. And so the first strike if you're gonna take over the fucking planet is you eliminate the Ketchup centers. And we all know Hines is in Pittsburgh. Wow. Yeah, so true. Maybe I can be as creative as I once was, But Dogma, that's a movie right there.

00:59:39
Speaker 2: I think I think you're set.

00:59:41
Speaker 1: If I could just put a moral skeleton on it talk about Catholicism or something like that.

00:59:46
Speaker 2: You'll get there.

00:59:47
Speaker 1: We'll try. Uh, kids, there's your beardless stickless meat for this week. Don't you wish you had a kid so you could sit around. I saw somebody at a where it was I. I was someplace recently and I was in front of people. It was small and oh the rocky and bunkle thing. The other night, somebody as I was leaving was like they introduced themselves and they were there with their kids and blah blah blah chur chad and they fucking referenced the show where they were just like, that's why we love fearless sickless meeting. Man. It reminds of our relationship. I was like, you listen to the My Good Show. Where's your dickla shirt? Which reminds me put it up in your stories? Yes you want shirt? Uh, there it is.

01:00:32
Speaker 2: Because there's your beardless dickless me for this week. I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

01:00:52
Speaker 3: This has been a podcast production podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what We've got tons more man, thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that Kevinsmith club dot com.

01:01:13
Speaker 1: Go sign up now,