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The crew discovers a storeroom full of smuggled Emperor's Tarot decks and a monk who broke his vow of silence. A kitchen full of Gretchin becomes a three-hour war crime that nobody asked for. Aloysius tries to build a car engine inside a Grot. The thigh bone is reportedly in the solarium. Getting there requires surviving Roos's creative problem-solving.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
Host
Host
Guest
Guest
What is Wrath & Glory | Narrative Declaration?
An Ogryn, Rogue Trader, Aeldari, and an Inquisitor walk into a Warhammer 40,000 TTRPG campaign, and it’s everything you expect it to be! Listen in to Narrative Declaration’s run of WH40K: Wrath & Glory! You’ll laugh, cry, and scream “heresy!” as our party journeys through the “Litanies of the Lost” adventures.
They are going to help us. Can I just break her leg more?
He shows his Burger King gold-plated Charizard.
You piece of stuff us on an inflation adventure!
Is everyone ready to play some Wrath in Glory?
Yay!
Yeah!
You are very good at that.
You are scary good at that.
Hi, everybody. Welcome to another exciting episode of Wrath in Glory.
I hope everyone's been having an absolutely lovely day.
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Like, the issue now, it sounds like I'm grandstanding.
Like me!
I can't transition to that without sounding like an asshole.
But I'm Zoran the Wizard.
I am your host this evening.
I'm playing as Roos.
And of course, I am joined with Hulky Crow.
Hello, hello.
I am Hulky Crow.
As always, I will be playing the Lex Mechanic Aloysus.
And we got Odo Roshi.
Hi, hello.
It's me.
I'm Odo.
I'll be bringing you Kelrana, the Elder Corsair Psycho.
Nah, nah.
Look here.
Let me ask you.
But of course, we have the Speaker of D's.
Hi, it is me, Speaker D.
And I will be playing Alden Roche, Rogue Traitor Captain of the Bird of Paradise.
And we have our illustrious game master, Thurston Hillman.
Hi.
Hulky, I believe you had a narrative declaration you wanted to make.
No.
Oh, shit.
You're right.
Excellent.
He sure does not.
I absolutely do.
Now, Thurston, you said it was a difficulty seven tech check to create.
Hold it to your head.
You sure don't.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Sure did.
Sure did.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
All right.
So, is it a tech check?
All right.
There's a third grot somewhere nearby.
He'll do.
We just need somebody to pile up the corpses.
That's it.
All right.
It's a difficulty number seven roll.
A dice pool of nine.
Is the third grot also Hatsune Miku?
Could be.
Sorry.
Not enough.
Darn.
You spent all of your wrath.
For nothing.
Darn.
This, canonically, is the death of the grots, everybody.
They're done.
Monkey had his chance, and he failed.
I'll take great pleasure of taking your wrath away, which, of course, you know, if people
do hashtag Aloysus, but they're bits or sub donations or whatever on YouTube or Twitch,
it'll go to you.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
It's gone.
It's gone forever now.
You have no re-rolls the entire session.
Sorry, please.
Sorry, please.
Goodbye.
You stuck with your bit.
Goodbye.
Commit.
Commit to the bit.
Speaking of bits, yesterday was a hoot.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yesterday, we lost our damn minds, because I would like to call that episode the monkey's
paw at that point.
I think I think he's nice and correct.
Where I'm like, all right.
It's the Mario's paw, actually, if it's Warhammer.
Can I make a dare to reject the ration?
I'm going to kick this guy.
Where?
Please.
Oh, no, Zoran.
I'm starting a new show.
I'll allow you to come with me.
You're letting me?
I didn't do anything wrong.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's a game.
Spicker.
Spicker.
Anyway, what happened last time in Wrath and Glory is basically, the group decided to
continue on to find the rest of the survivors inside of this church.
But unfortunately, as we tried our best to try to find the rest of them, we successfully
did, thanks to Karana's psychic powers of them cowering in one side of the building.
But on the way, we found a kitchen full of grots.
Now, of course, one player thinking to circumvent this entire scenario and try to save time.
God said no.
And it turned into a three hour deal.
Don't you fucking blame me for your mistakes.
I'm trying to drown Gretchen in water and trying to do a bunch of other bullshit with
them.
And then we, like, installed a car engine in one of them somehow.
You're going to have to watch the episode.
After trying to commit the atrocities of man and full metal alchemists all at the same
time, we have now arrived here, I think, in the middle of the storm room.
I assume all Gretchen dead, except for whatever survived.
And we get to see our intrepid heroes figure out what to do next.
Yes, the best recap we could give is genuinely, you had to be there.
Thurston, what eventually do you have for us today?
Well, you kind of summarized where we left off quite perfectly.
Our band of adventurers is in the storeroom, having salvaged, I guess, part of some of the
tarot decks that have been stored here, but not all.
You've met with the wounded member Thaddeus, who broke their vow of silence.
Thaddeus has gone on to explain, after some interrogation, that they were trying to smuggle
out some of the tarot decks.
But you've learned that the majority of the monks who inhabit here, and that likely the
place where the thigh bone, the goal of this entire endeavor, is in the solarium, which is off to the east.
Kind of east of the lavatories where you had previously been.
And remember, we also know there's more orcs than other grots.
Apparently there's one room where grots are, like, lifting weights and having a training
montage.
Yeah.
It's true.
They were under a run-herd, and that run-herd was not fucking around.
All right.
I'm going to go ahead and state our next course of action, assuming sanity has returned to
proceedings in some way.
Very optimistic of you.
Yes, it is.
Chris is still sad about his demotion.
He'll get over it.
So, will I ever get over it?
Everything is too low.
He glares at you.
Oh, no!
Shit!
Oh, I know how you can get over it.
That was really emphatic.
The top rack says, Roos will remember this.
Emotional grit.
Fuck!
Now, listen.
It may seem as if our entire mission here has simply been to bully a bunch of grots,
but that is very much not the case.
We have a job to do.
We must find the thigh bone and eliminate any remaining Xenos.
Now, do I have your cooperation, gentlemen?
And, Calrona.
You never didn't have our cooperation, Captain.
Why were you under the assumption that that was our only mission was to torture Grants?
Well, my assumption...
No, it was what was happening!
I think he's crazy.
I think he's crazy, Roos.
I think you'll have to put him down later.
You touch me.
You'll fry.
Captain, you're the one with the...
Oh, you have the heat gun.
I have the zappy gun.
Silly boy.
Yes.
How silly.
Tell us all room!
What's he going to shoot us with?
His gun ain't got no way.
His ammo in his ship to have no guns either.
You don't roose.
That's so true.
I almost forgot about that.
We're all forced to get through them.
It's not so easy being the captain now, is it, Speaker?
What's your policy on PvP?
Heavy is the ass that wears the pants.
I can't already have a PvP episode.
Look, I mean...
I'll be honest.
My answer to that important question is...
I'm surprised it took this long.
All right, Captain.
Do you want me to go ahead and scout ahead, just in case?
Oh, for the...
Yes, why not?
Just do what you need to do.
My God, this entire adventure here has been one long protracted migraine.
Yeah.
I'm glad you're having fun.
I'm going to do my psychic powers now.
I wrote this adventure.
You hear that?
You made God cry.
No, I didn't hear it because I'm not a witch.
Everybody heard it but you, Captain.
Maybe you should have your ears checked.
I could inspect those.
I've shot men for this and this, Aloysius.
You just want to go to the burning room.
You can't shoot me.
I outrank you.
No, you don't.
You're not on my ship.
Thanks, Kil'runner.
We're not on your ship, are we?
Thank you.
Well, you're sleeping.
I'm not sleeping.
I'm awake.
I'm going to...
I...
I just go.
Just move.
Just move.
I'm going to cast Scryer's Gaze.
Just move your tokens in the fire room first.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to roll it.
Ooh.
Hey, no perils.
Hey, you might be able to...
That's pretty good.
Wow.
Increased the rapid...
Be sure you didn't want to do that unbound.
Shut the fuck up, man.
I'm sure you don't want to go to Super Saiyan for, like, the fifth episode.
So true.
Uh, anyway, I could increase my range, but I really don't think I need it unless I need
to see what's happening on the next island over, which, honestly, after the day we're
having at this island, I may check on it just to see if I would prefer to be there.
I just...
I just imagined that you're like, no, you know what, there's...
I want to check on the next island.
And I spend the next 40 minutes, and, like, throughout the adventure, you're just like,
I want to check up on the update on the next island.
Is, like, Paris still going out with Giovanni?
I don't know.
I just...
I need to...
I need to get the updates from the other...
Sorry, is the adjacent...
Is the adjacent island Love Island?
Yes.
It's Temptation Island.
Yes.
110% yes.
And it's all so populated by Grotz.
I would watch Love Island with Grotz.
I would.
Don't lie.
I would start watching Love Island if it had Grotz in it.
Anyway, I'm gonna fucking scout ahead into this room right here.
This one.
Okay, okay.
The room to the south of us in this fire room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I see it.
I see it.
Okay.
Okay, podcast.
Here's a second.
Oh, yeah.
Fair, fair, fair.
Thank you.
Thank you.
One sec.
One sec.
One sec.
I have to make a copy of Kelrana.
Yeah.
I have to make it all ghostly.
One sec.
It's important.
Yeah.
I know.
I gotta...
I gotta pick, like, a little spectral tint color.
Woo!
Okay, there we go.
Cool.
Look at that fucking turkey in here.
Figure, but you're poking in the room.
I don't believe in that kind of thing.
Oh, my fucking god.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
You mentally project forward.
What you see on the screen is accurate.
There are approximately ten grots in here.
Um, one of them is doubled up because the room wouldn't contain that many tokens.
And one...
One orc.
Just the one?
And this orc is yelling at them.
Which your characters can probably hear through the door of the room now that I think about it.
Okay.
Do I see the thigh bone?
Like, does one of them have it in hand?
No.
One of them has, like, a kind of, like, a bit of, like, a whip that looks like a really long belt.
And he's just beating some of the grots.
And she's like, one, two, three, four.
And the orc's like, ah, ah, two, one, eight, ah, hurts.
He's gonna crump them all.
Yeah, still meditating.
Kelrana's just going to say aloud, well, I've got good news.
Yes.
There are replacement little green shit guys in there.
All right, we're going to kill them all.
You need more assistance?
Yeah, yeah.
More assistance for the cause.
Yes.
Yes.
There's also one of the larger green skins in there.
And he seems to be whipping them into order.
Don't see the thigh bone.
And I don't see another door or anything, do I?
Just literally, this is the only room we haven't touched.
Yeah.
Well, no.
There's other rooms, like, to the north.
Like, there's other rooms off of the lavatory and whatnot as well.
Oh, okay.
This is just the only room off of here.
So, as you are kind of peering into the room, you can tell that it's, um...
Let me pull up the exact description for this.
So, this is, like...
This is a, um...
Actually, what kind of...
What kind of, like, lore-ish skills do you have, Kelruna?
Let's see.
Uh, I think I just...
Uh, you give me a scholar check.
Give me a scholar check.
All right.
Difficulty...
Difficulty two.
Okay.
I can possibly pass that, despite not being...
Sure, six on three, nice.
Just don't suck.
Sharpest tool in the...
Well, there you go!
There you go, right?
I succeed with, uh, four successes.
Yeah, easy.
Easy peasy.
Uh, okay.
Yeah, exactly.
Uh, so, Kelruna, that is enough for you to tell, um, that this is a misrecord.
It's like a...
It's a chamber that would be used for, uh, disciplinary actions.
Um, there's a bunch of weapons on the walls, like, some knives, a sword, a maul, uh, some
whips.
Um, a couple of them, like, the knives and whatnot, have been taken off the walls and
kind of, like, stolen by grots.
Uh, but you'd have it know enough to know that this is, like, the room where they would
have administered discipline on people.
Huh.
All right.
Yeah, there seemed to be in a, uh, uh, what's the Monkai word for it?
I know, we got some of these back home.
A misrecord?
Disciplinary room.
Uh, got a bunch of weapons and the walls and stuff.
Some of the little green shit boys have stolen some of them.
Yes, I think we could all use a visit to a room like that.
Let's hope this one is a bit more refreshing than usually they are called upon to be.
All right.
Are we prepared to breach and enter?
Yep.
I'm standing behind Roos.
You see Roos look at you and he does his head up and down, but it's only his head moving.
He just hears...
Behind Roos.
I'm certainly no frontliner.
I think I'll hang back with this one.
Roos, like, slowly opens the door.
Not being too loud about it.
Yeah, opens into a hall.
An adjoining hall.
Can't go in there.
The wall's not set up right, so...
Oh.
Gotta drag me.
Honestly, just manipulate the wall and just delete them, honestly.
That's what I'm doing, yeah.
It's like...
Oh, I see what they did.
There you go.
There you go.
Then I'll prepare and go...
Roos seems so just out of it from all the previous stuff.
He's like, we already killed all the other Grawlts and stuff.
Do you want to die?
I'm giving them a choice.
They look up.
Okay, so...
One sec.
One sec.
Let's see if this straightforward approach is faster.
Non-zero chances.
All right.
Who would like to go first in this combat?
I mod as well as I might land.
Oh, immediately.
Oh, ignore the get stuck in thing that it's been in the chat with.
Everyone's okay with Roos just hitting them.
Roos will.
Go for it.
Do a little charge on the...
I'm just going to get the Grawlts out of the way.
Okay.
Considering they're a mob.
Roos will charge right on in.
And...
Oh, first we gotta add some...
Epic combat.
Yeah, we'll do this one.
We'll see if that's appropriate or not.
He goes right in.
Whipper gun ready.
He's ripping.
He's gunning.
He's got some more loving.
He's got some more loving?
Yeah.
I'm making sure that I can...
Flights of loving.
You can do the plus ring bones of your dice.
You're really taking...
I think pretty much get...
Another...
Yeah, that'll do it.
Boom.
There's a rule of dice.
I got five successes because it'd be a three.
Rolling damage.
Only did eight.
Very poor.
My three extra damage die there.
Only do eight damage to do this Grawl.
If you minus one.
Okay.
Uh...
You kill three Grawls.
Pretty much go in there.
Just...
Who's one foot just like...
Sends one flying around.
Another guy...
He like stabs into him.
He grabs another one.
Yeah, you just like...
You see them just running around like...
Okay.
Is anyone wanting to interrupt?
No.
I think Roost has it.
I think it's better handled than I would.
I suppose I might as well lead from the front.
I'll go ahead and I'll charge on him.
Okay.
Make a...
Spend a glory and...
Absolutely.
I'll get stuck in.
And, uh...
Seeing the orc as the genuine...
Uh...
Physical threat.
If not mental or spiritual threat.
Um...
Alden's gonna make a, uh...
Slash with a power sword.
Do it up.
Absolutely.
Get his ass.
I'm gonna get his ass.
Charging.
Let's rock.
Ooh.
Okay.
Six successes with one shift.
It's gonna hit.
Alrighty then.
I roll damage.
Ooh.
You got all your dice in.
Yeah.
That's 13 damage.
AP minus one.
Or AP minus three.
Alright, lads.
Keep it together.
What we gonna do is...
And then his head's off.
For the god, Emperor!
Yeah, that god.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Well, the grots are gonna go.
One sec.
Good job, dear, sir.
Good job, as you did.
Yes, thank you, Roos.
Let us continue the mission.
Ah!
The grots proceed to run to the back of the room, crying.
I want a scenario where Roos looks at Alden, and he looks back at the grots, and, like,
this is a cinematic where I'm actually doing this, um, they just close the door, and it's all,
I'm not stuck in here with you, you stuck in here with me.
That's true.
I honestly just assumed the door is going to close, as, like, Aloysius is like, my subjects, and then the door just fucking closes.
Yes, I would, if at all possible, I would very much like to make them as useless for scientific research as possible.
Well, sadly, uh, that was their ghost, so, uh, Aloysius or Kelrana, who would like to go next?
Uh, well, they're sort of just cowering.
I'll smite him, yeah.
Let's kill them, save you the trouble.
You know, fish in a barrel.
How high of a power level would you like to smite Kelrana?
Listen, I'm going to, I'm going to give them a regular smite.
Okay, okay, okay, you sure, you sure that's okay?
Yeah, we just got to make sure, you know.
I, I unbind specifically, uh, to Kelrana.
Good.
Well, I just barely make it, but I, I do make it.
Uh.
Raph it.
I don't know if it's worth it for brats.
Don't, don't.
He's trying to get you to complicate.
Three mortal wounds.
Don't.
I, sir, sir.
I know exactly what you're doing.
I don't know if it's a game that's playing.
Yes.
I mean, I, okay, yes.
I, I, I, I, yeah, all right, excellent.
I'm smiting there.
Three mortal wounds kills the first three grouts with lightning.
There are three remaining.
This, excellent.
Hey, I remember earlier,
Aloysius was saying the good things come in threes.
Well, Aloysius, it's your go.
Oh, wow.
That's great.
I can totally shoot them with my one attack.
Oh, my power gun.
You know, with my power, my super arm gun.
Yeah.
You know, you know, if, if your super arm gun isn't really that effective, you know, there are diplomatic skills that could potentially turn foes into.
We tried that before.
I will just, you know, any, any, you know, we talk a lot about assisting other players.
I'm interested in doing the opposite of that, actually.
How do I narratively hinder?
I like to spend a rest, like, to glove effect this one.
Yeah, excellent.
Good, good, good.
All right.
You may.
You may attack.
You're, you're, you're right.
What?
I, I'm going to attack them.
Okay.
In their minds.
In their minds.
Oh, no.
Okay.
Aloysius is going to stride on up right in front of the captain.
Oh, no.
Hear me, Grotz.
This is the voice of Mark.
The will of the most cunning and brutal.
He'll knock on his chest and wake up the, the mech that's in there for the pain boy.
The, the orc head proceeds to open and he's to bleep.
Oh, that's right.
This is the will of Mox.
It is.
Wow.
They're in the vault.
Lay down your arms and submit.
We's the new boss now.
And can I make a, ooh.
Would that be intimidation or persuasion?
Or would you accept either?
I will accept either.
Whichever one you think.
The difficulty here will be four.
Okay.
I've got a five in both pools.
I'll use persuasion so they don't potentially aggro after getting intimidated.
Might happen anyway, but it'd be funny.
Hey.
Hey.
That's four.
One of the grots, uh, prostrates himself before you, uh, come, like, sniveling, crawling on the floor.
Huh?
Huh?
Am I going to be okay?
As long as you listen and do what you're told.
Okay, we can kill the rest of them.
What about you two in back?
Like, they're, like, looking at each other, looking back at you.
Watch out.
I just told you.
Put your weapons on the floor.
They tap the barrels of their guns to the floor.
Drop them.
They drop their guns.
Okay.
Uh, who else would like to go?
That would be all of Fulky's turn.
Yeah.
Uh, I believe everyone else is gone, right?
Correct.
So this would be a new round.
Okay.
We'll be too mean.
Guys, stop me if this is too mean.
Right.
All right.
So I think the only rational thing to do in this situation is to immediately attack the one that is prostrating before a whole game.
Uh, so I think that's what I'm going to do with my power of swords.
Okay.
Good.
Good.
Okay.
No.
Yeah.
No.
We are not taking any Grot prisoners.
I've had enough of them.
I've been running record.
No.
And I'm going to just go ahead and make a brutal and hate-filled swipe upon this poor, pathetic creature that I would otherwise feel bad for.
Get the feet, uh, preferred enemy, Gretchen, please.
Yeah.
Yes!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
I complicate.
Oh my god.
He's going to have eaten the fucking thigh bone.
Oh my god.
Please tell me he didn't eat the thigh bone.
All right.
Rolling complication.
I fall frog.
Let's go!
I, I, I like to think I, I cut, at first I need to roll damage, of course.
Yes, yes.
I could have.
Okay, well, does 10 damage at AP minus 3 kill a Grot?
The Grot is dead.
All right.
As the blood and sinews spew out from its body, I, I move forward and I do a fucking backflip in honor of another captain, but not on purpose by accident.
And I eat shit, and I fall down.
I just, I just kept hacking the corpse, like, ah!
Then you get to backflip.
I just imagine you-
Hell's heart, I stab at thee!
Aloysius will loom over Alden.
Get him!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Fuck you devils!
Fuck you devils!
Tell us to look back in a rose.
Tell us to look back in a rose.
It seems he wasn't worthy or chosen.
He was okay, and he was our friend!
Ah, he's-
And now they complicate.
And now they complicate.
Oh, they ran out of knives.
Uh, what's this?
They're using knives, it doesn't work.
They also fall prone.
So, we're in a desperate situation.
I do have the parry quality, so I do get plus one defense.
Oh, they didn't hit you at all.
Excellent.
Excellent.
I'm literally dueling on the ground.
I'm flinting from a prone position.
I appreciate that you go for the most charitable description of what happens here.
Like, dueling on the ground.
I- I just kind of assume it's the saddest flailing that has ever happened.
It is, but to me, this is against my hated enemy.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
You're- you're a kid thinking he's a Jedi right now.
Yes!
Like, nothing around in a pile of alien horror.
Get the hell off of me!
I hate sand!
Ah!
Okay.
Um.
Who would like to go next?
Um.
I can.
Can I-
Can I-
Can I go?
I'm letting you guys go.
Ah!
Can I go?
I'm going to die.
Like, Bruce is just going to fucking kill him.
You guys figure it out.
Hulky is just like,
Can I go?
Like, fucking the Grinch smile in the corner here.
You're like-
Gilrana's just like,
psychically cocking the-
Like, her hand pistol-like.
Can I put them out of their misery with psychic lightning?
Fuck.
My cheeks are curled the most Jim Carrey of facial contortions.
You know what, Aloysius?
It's all you.
Gee, thank you.
Aloysius will walk up and just pace around the situation.
Well, the situation's here.
The situation is here.
Aloysius falls off his fucking crop top and shows off his metal abs.
You mean this situation?
Oh, wait.
There's an orc head there.
Aloysius will put it.
The grats on the ground.
Damn, boys.
That's crazy.
I'm sorry about your friend.
Anyway.
And he'll hold out his hand and fire his arc pistol point blank.
Okay.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
That's crazy.
What am I doing?
Did he hit?
Okay.
Roll damage.
Roll damage.
Oh, hold on.
I didn't.
Pretend this hits.
There we go.
It hits anyway.
14 damage at AP minus one.
The grats die a terrible electrified death.
They sizzle.
Pop!
And their heads pop, pop, pop.
Like popcorn.
Oh, you're...
All right.
Okay.
Hold on.
Um, for those of you who pulled out your stopwatches,
even with a little bit of attempting to recruit them,
this was shorter.
Zoran will remember this.
I have your address.
And I have a passport.
Fuck.
I forgot about that second one.
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Okay.
All right.
Before...
Before we go any further,
I just...
I've got this feeling in my stomach.
But what did you eat?
No.
We need to check
if one of them
ate the thigh bone.
Yes.
Yes.
I suppose we do.
Before we start chucking bodies in the fire.
Yeah.
Well, Aloysus,
you seem like you like getting up close and personal
with these horrible green gremlins.
I do.
Considering I just walked up and shot their heads off.
Yes.
Listen.
Why don't you go ahead and, uh...
Take a gander through the grot's guts,
and, uh...
I'll just be over here
in, uh, not this room.
Uh, well, hold on.
You're saying this,
and he's already, like,
wrist deep in their guts.
Listen, Carona Roos,
we need to talk about Aloysus.
I think that orc head
is affecting him
in strange ways.
Howdy-do.
I love killing aliens,
but howdy-do.
What did you part of now?
Listen to him.
He's singing.
I mean,
I suppose that is sort of a big thing
in Mechanicum culture,
but, uh...
Disgusting.
Working in the corpses
all the ding-dong days.
I hate it when people
are not happy in terms of tunes.
It's heretical, sir.
She's never this happy.
I mean, he is...
He's only this happy
whenever he's cutting up...
Aliens.
As the word for it?
Yeah.
So, I mean,
you know,
the way I see it,
he's in his environment.
Let him have fun.
He's just playing.
He's just playing.
All right.
I suppose I can let the man
have his indulgences.
Sir, put the hand on your shoulder.
You listening to Zeno's filth?
Holy shit.
Imperium to Imperium, sir.
We don't suffer the alien.
He's literally
cutting aliens open.
Right now.
He's coming back over
and Aloysius has his hands
in the back
opening one of them
like a crude marionette.
The Imperium's talking.
Wait, Roost.
The Imperium's talking.
What are you suggesting?
What should I do?
We go get rid of that head
at some point, sir.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
But how best to do so?
I can eat it.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Why don't you go and ask
to see it and then eat it?
It won't take a while.
He won't try to take it out of my mouth
as I'm trying to get it.
Well, just…
We'll try to disconnect him from it
once we get on the ship.
Yes, yes, I think so.
Now, Kel'rana,
I know you are a duplicitous alien
who cannot be trusted,
but can I trust you to not tell anyone
about the operation to allow Roost
to eat the alien orcoid head?
I see exactly no ways
that this could go wrong.
Likewise.
Foolproof plan, as always.
Always.
Thanks for letting me be, like,
the major asshole of, like,
the Minnertal.
Like, the biggest dick move I can see.
I felt bad.
The Imperials are talking now.
I felt awful.
I just want to say that out loud.
I think that's the end
of our little team huddle, then.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so with your Medicaid check there,
Hulky.
Yeah.
I have good news.
You have good news at a six.
I have good news, yep, with a six.
What's the good news?
These groths were malnourished.
That's it.
Oh, that's good.
I'm glad they were suffering.
Fantastic news, everyone.
What?
These groths did not eat
the money boxes or the thigh bone.
They died in extreme agony forever.
Forever?
Yes, forever.
They don't have souls.
Well, yes, but I mean,
they've died.
It's not still going on.
They're not still dying.
Yes, but you know
there's certain
things out there
that come back after death.
We can only hope
they're in all hell.
Oh, my God.
One must imagine
these groths burning
in hell forever.
Let me think about that
for a moment.
Can I regain
a point of shock?
Yes, yes, you can.
Ah, that does.
Now I remember
why we keep you around, Aloysus.
Ha ha, I hate Zeno so much.
Except you, Calrana.
You're okay.
Aw, that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
All right.
Don't get used to it.
Let's see if we can find
the storeroom,
assuming there's no other
hidden participles
or anything of interest here.
Yeah, if they didn't
eat the thigh bone,
where the fuck is it?
We killed
literally every single
green skin here.
There's more of them
to the east off here.
There's more rooms to check.
Are there?
Yeah.
Small rooms.
There's the mech workshop,
which you already were in.
As we looked through there already.
Remember, you were told
the solarium was to the east,
so...
Oh, solarium.
All right.
Well, I guess we keep on moving.
Hope they haven't skedaddled with it.
Skedaddled?
What sort of dialect is that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a Simonon dialect.
That's what they say
when you're getting on a jet bike
and go really fast.
Sounds awful.
Let's proceed.
I have a Simonon army.
Simonon is my favorite craft world.
I played them before
you could take multi-lasers
on their jet bikes.
You truly suffer like the Christ.
What was on the speaker?
What did you take on their jet bikes,
if not multi-lasers?
So, back in the day,
the kit for Eldar jet bikes
came with
Twin Link Shuriken catapults,
and that was it.
There was an upgrade model
you could get
that came with a Shuriken cannon,
and you could take one of them
for every three bikes you had.
Also, you had to buy bikes
one at a time.
East, fellas.
East.
East is right.
Oh, shit, you're right.
I thought that was Weez.
As I continue my deep lore
of the Eldari miniature line,
while they figure out
where the fuck they're going.
I know.
I think about Shining Spears
and I smile.
I have OG Shining Spears,
which are like
the old plastic bikes,
and then metal guys on top.
Oh, that's delightful!
Yes.
Classic.
Classic, classic Eldar.
I got guys who are short.
Yay!
I'm excited for Votan.
I got...
We have a ride to the east.
Don, look to the east.
All right.
You've connected through another hallway.
We love hallways.
It just opens it.
It opens to another connecting hallway.
There is a long hallway
that ends with a barricaded door.
Roost, don't run off on your own!
Sir, it's barricaded, sir.
He says wistfully and silently
to not alert the people on the other side.
Yes, yes.
Kerrona,
put your horrible elven ears
to this doorway
and see if you can hear anything.
Sure.
Move it round ears.
I can't believe you just called me that.
How rude.
All right.
I'm going to listen at the door.
God damn it.
Uh, awareness?
She's just jealous
that her helmets have to be really tall
and weird cone-shaped.
Yes, I find that most Xenos
are rather jealous
of the perfect human form.
You're just sad
that your hat isn't as tall
and everybody knows
that whoever has the tallest hat
is in charge.
Yes, and I'm the only one
wearing a hat, you trollop!
Yeah, that's why I don't have a hat.
This is a stealth mission.
Captain, it's okay.
You don't have to be so loud about that.
There's treatments for your condition.
What?
I don't have a condition, you nitwit!
It's okay.
Of course you don't have a condition, Captain.
Look, I know I have some teachers
back in the lab
that might be able to assist you.
I know it's embarrassing.
What?
I...
There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
You're absolutely right, Captain.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about.
It is perfectly normal
for an imperial of your...
stature
to experience.
It is a completely normal
and not embarrassing condition.
I accept you for who you are, sir.
I'm rolling awareness.
As do I.
We are all friends here, Captain.
We're here to support you, sir.
We'll support you
through this difficult time.
This is gonna be
like leading to Aloysius
pulling out some fucking, like, pills
that have Zedek's face on them.
Oh, no.
He's reading my script.
If you experience
patented Zedek energy
for more than four hours,
you're going to have to...
Five hours.
Here, sir.
Whenever I feel self-conscious,
I'll read the chapter 17
into my new fantastic edition
of Zedek kit.
Here you go, sir.
These five hours energy pills
will have you
knock on your ass
in minutes.
Oh, shit.
We had that translated
into Eldari.
I bought this with Zedcoin.
God, I missed my Ava's page.
I remember when I got rugpulled
by Zedcoin.
That bastard
will never forgive him.
Rugpull?
Who was he insider trading with?
Does he have enough friends?
No.
Holy shit.
Fuck.
One-third of his friends
died in the last campaign.
Yeah.
Also, by the way,
for like the one of you
out there
who doesn't know
what we're referencing,
Hulky's old character
in our last campaign
was a rogue trader
named Zedek.
There.
That's the bit.
There you go.
Zedek is the greatest character
that has ever existed.
That's true.
I hope he's doing okay.
He's probably not.
Oh, Zedek.
Okay.
Yeah, I listen at the door.
Thurston,
I got four successes
and a critical.
I don't know
how you got like
so,
such a good roll
with all the yelling
from your companions,
but it's enough to tell
that there's like
some heavy breathing
on the other side.
One person
who's clearly like
like trying to hold back
kind of
groans of pain.
But otherwise,
beyond that,
you're not hearing anything.
All right.
Does not sound like
orc pain noises.
No,
does not sound like
orc pain noises.
No.
All right.
I think we got somebody
injured in there.
So,
somebody who isn't
a hideous mutant
might want to open the door.
quite canny.
Aloysius,
would you mind
doing the honors?
I would love to,
Captain.
Aloysius will open the door.
It's locked.
Yeah,
I was about to say,
as you attempt
to push the door open,
you realize
that it's been
barricaded shut.
Like there's,
you're pushing against it
and you just
as you're trying
to get through it.
Thurston?
Mm-hmm?
What is the make
of this door?
Um,
it's like
a very
high quality,
um,
probably wood
of some kind,
but it might be
reinforced with
some other elements.
That's awesome.
Is it on hinges?
Um,
visible hinges?
No visible hinges.
Darn!
Probably the hinges
are on the other side.
Dang!
That's a shame.
Yeah.
I like the canniness,
though.
Again,
if this were a
second edition
D&D campaign,
you might have
got away with it.
It's true.
Mm-hmm.
Aloysius,
if the other
saw believes
his friend,
we could ask him
to just unbarricade
the door.
That was
plan C,
but I think
we need to move
it up in the schedule
to B instead.
Very astute,
Roos.
Aloysius will
get himself
up to the door.
Hello,
Imperials.
This is a
trained Medicae
out here.
We've
slaughtered
all the orcs.
If you're not
orcoid in there,
you have nothing
to worry about.
If you are,
I'm going to
disassemble you.
I think they
will probably
feel safe
at hearing
this message.
They're not
going to respond
if they're
under a
vow of silence.
You don't
have to say,
that's a good point,
Catherine.
You don't
have to say
anything.
Just unbarricade
the door
and I'll tender
your wounded
and get you
out of there.
We have
three others
with us.
There are no
more orcoids
in this sector.
All right,
everyone,
back up.
Roos,
can you see
about unbarricading
the door?
Oh,
do my best.
We're not even
going to wait
for them to undo
the door.
Fuck it.
Oh,
absolutely.
If they're
in pain,
they might not
have the ability
to do so.
We're going to
tell them,
okay,
guys,
unbarricade
the door
and then the
second they
get close,
we're going
to kick it
in so we
crush them
instantly.
All right,
do we hear
on the other
side of the
door that
anything's
getting ruffled
around?
You've heard
a little bit
of movement,
but that's
about it.
It's very
muted in there.
The most
you've heard
are these
kind of
gaspings.
sounds.
All right.
Oh,
we start
kicking the
door now,
but he's
barricading
the other
side,
so there's
no obstacles
in front
of us.
Roos is
going to
start banging
down this
door to try
to get
through.
It's all
stay away
from the
door.
We'll try
to undo
it.
The
difficulty
is going
to be
six for
an athletics
test.
All right,
let's do
it,
baby.
Goddamn.
Anna critted.
You kick
open the
door into
the vast
interior of
the solarium,
which is
at this
point
somewhat
ominous,
because it's
nighttime at
this point.
There is
some starlight
and some
kaleidoscopic
patterns in
the sky that
reflect off
of these
stained glass
windows here
that sort
of basically
fill the
area with
this kind
of weird
spectrally
glow.
There are
several people
who are
around.
They've been
running up.
Many of
them look
up at
you.
One of
them,
the one
who is
clearly the
source of
the sounds
is a
woman who
is sitting
down and
has her
leg torn
open,
blood and
bad bandages
all over
it.
And she's
very clearly
like, as
she looks
up and
sees you,
one of the
other monks
that's in the
room is
tending to
her wound.
She looks
up.
You are
Imperials.
Ain't you
supposed to
be quiet?
I broke
my vow.
I was
attacked and
I screamed.
Thus, the
vow is
broken.
No.
Roos gets
into the
position.
He mentions
everyone's
in the
doors open
all.
That's
excellent.
Oh, go
on, Captain.
You are
saying something
inspiring.
Oh, thank
you very
much.
I am
Captain
Alden
Roche,
rogue
trader of
the Bird
of Paradise.
I am
here on
behalf of
the Imperial
Inquisition
to rescue
you.
We
know the
Emperor
would save
us.
Indeed.
There are
still likely
some
orquoids
roaming about,
most have
been
dispatched.
We are
here for
one
particular
object.
We would
see its
safe passage
to the
Inquisitorial
Lord that
dispatched
us.
I am
to understand,
madame,
that you
have a
blessed
thighbone
in your
possession.
The
wounded
woman
like
looks
up.
I
am
afraid
the
thighbone
is
she
kind of
like
looks
down,
still
breathing
fairly
heavily
here.
That's
what
you
talk
like
her.
You're
very
quiet.
The
anechoic
chambers.
Anechoic
chambers,
what does
that mean?
You can
give me a
scholar
trick.
Sure,
I'm a
great
scholar.
Yeah.
Let's
see,
my
power
faculty
three.
Almost.
Almost.
Can I
assist?
You can
roll one
dice.
Can I
assist?
Don't
ruin the
bit.
He
got it.
I got
two,
actually.
I got a
six for
two more
successes
to help.
All
right,
so the
anechoic
chamber,
or anechoic
chambers,
that would
be the
place that
would be
like,
soundproofed,
likely where
the tarot
decks are
made.
I don't
know how
Rus contributes
to this,
but there
we go.
I used
to trade
cards when
I was just,
you know,
a little
ammo
bearer,
and,
you know,
sometimes they
like to
send me in
there and
get these
golden little
playing cards
and stuff,
and,
you know,
I don't play
with them a
little bit.
That's probably
what she
means.
The place
where they
make those
little golden
cards.
Ah,
yes,
yes,
now it
occurs to
me.
I've always
kept one.
He sells
his,
like,
Burger King
gold-plated
tarzard.
Oh,
my God.
I thought
it was
a myth.
Where
then?
I really
wanted to
see how
long we
could go
for,
like,
the dead
silence
after
the speaker
attempted to
make the
tarzard
thing.
So good.
I was like,
this is all
I got,
man.
Yeah,
that's fair.
I'm sorry
for not
just handing
you.
I didn't
see the
alley.
Because
all you
said was,
like,
there it is.
And I'm
like,
yeah.
Fine.
Fine.
Correct.
I'll fucking
remember this.
You guys,
you guys are
mistreating me.
I'm fucking,
the second we
get back,
I'm putting
you guys on
torpedo loading
duty.
You guys
have to
carry that
shit with
the menials.
Fuck you.
Who do you
think you
are?
I am.
You okay
there,
speaker?
You okay
there,
buddy?
Do you
want a
sody?
It's okay,
sir.
Here,
you can have
my blastoids
one.
Thank you
for the
blastoids.
It's one
of my most
prized
positions.
It was
owned by
my other
sir,
so I
lifted a
tank off
of him.
Oh,
that's
great.
Did you
at least
beat him
at
Pokemon?
What?
What the
hell is a
Pokemon?
Yeah,
shut up,
Zeno.
It's an
ancient
Elgari
gambling
ritual.
There we
go.
Shit,
Roots.
I just,
this,
this is the
exact moment
where I
just had
that person
like,
yeah,
yeah,
yes,
Zenos,
everyone
knows about
good Yu-Gi-Oh
cards.
Ignore
Zenos
and her
foul perfidy.
So true.
Everyone knows
there's no such
thing as
Pokemon.
It's an
adjacent
ritual to the
Emperor's
Tarot.
I believe
they called
it Kata
Ketchumol.
I'm not
really sure
what it
translates to.
You might
have to
check out the
gaps on that
one.
Always
like ripping
packs with
those big
pulls.
She
hates me
because I
speak the
truth.
I'm not
funny.
I'll see you
all this
week.
Next bit.
Move on.
Next bit
streamer.
I look forward
to all the
fan art of
Imperial
Pokemon.
We already
had it once
last episode.
All right.
So we've
cleared this
room.
Where do we
have to where
do we have
left?
So there was
a door here.
We haven't
stayed.
You're just
like, do you
have the thigh
bone?
No.
Well, fuck
you guys.
Next room.
Correct.
Correct.
Maybe we
should help
them out a
little bit,
you know.
Yes,
Royce.
Loisus,
tend to their
wounds,
please.
They are
going to
help us.
Can I just
break her
leg more?
No,
you what?
You fucking
psychopath
healer.
Oops,
that was an
inside thought.
Remember,
you're supposed
to say those
stings on
the inside.
Not at the
orchid,
though.
Don't
mention
the orchid.
The orchid
starts banging
on his chest.
Don't think
about it.
The sign
language starts
furiously going
up between
them all.
There's
nothing to
eat this
candy,
mom.
It's just
one of the
pieces of
corn.
No,
it's just
the corn
from the
last
adventure.
raw
ear of
corn.
What the
fuck?
The finest
candy bar.
The finest
yellow
candy bar.
Corn
D.
Bar.
It's
corn.
I think the
corn D.
bar has a
slightly different
effect.
I feel like
we should all
be shocked
for what we've
done today.
I agree.
Oh,
okay.
Sir,
what are your
orders?
Oh,
who cares?
I can't
answer my
face.
Please.
Oh,
God.
We're so
close.
There's
blood.
I can see
the blood.
Why?
There's
nothing we
could do.
They were
already dead.
The five
of us lost.
Squad
Norell
broken.
Everybody
back in the
office.
What?
Broken.
All right,
let's put
her blood
back inside.
Yes,
please put
her blood
back inside
of her
body.
Okay,
Medicaid.
Medicaid
check
difficulty
five.
Okay,
difficulty
five.
Do you
want some
assistance?
No.
Yes.
Okay.
Guys,
Roshi is
crying.
Oh,
poor puppy.
How could
you do
this to
him?
You know
what,
speaker?
Give
Roshi
what he
wants.
Let
Roshi
help
kill
this
NPC
too.
You
think,
oh,
he's
excited.
He thinks
I have
food.
Oh.
I don't
have
food.
All
right,
I'm
going to
attempt
to help
with the
Medicaid.
I did
it.
I got
two.
Got
two.
Got
two.
Okay,
that's
good.
That's
good.
You
managed
to save
this
person's
leg.
Yeah,
there we
go.
you'll
be fine.
You can't
restore your
pride for
breaking your
vow,
but you
certainly
will be
able to
walk again
at some
point in
the
indeterminate
future.
I'd say
about three
to four
months.
Blessings.
Blessings of
the Emperor
upon you.
They got
mobility aids
in the
Imperium of
Bankai,
Stops.
All right.
I don't
know why
I asked.
Immediate
matter of
fact.
Oh,
no.
What are
you talking
about?
This woman
is doomed.
These people
make magic
cards.
Of course,
they don't
have mobility
aids,
you idiot.
Did you
see any
wheelchair ramps
on the way
in here?
It's all
stairs.
You think
those fat
little cherubs
can lift
someone like
this?
Absolutely
not.
We're going
on the
stair
masterium.
The
stair
lift
area.
You don't
got a
rampularium
here?
Damn.
Anyway.
No,
that's an
escalation
riser.
I wonder
if they're
driven by
machine or
man.
we got
some dude
in the
wheels just
like running
like a
hamster.
What a
beautiful
wedding of
metal and
flesh.
I love
the Omnisire.
You all
better love
the Omnisire
too or I'll
break your
leg again.
It's 40
K's one
skaven,
isn't it?
That's where
he's hiding.
The single
skaven.
We got a
door to the
south.
Yes.
Is that
the room
we got to
go to?
Yes.
Yes,
the one
says,
but the
anaquic
chamber,
it's
locked.
Unlock
it.
No.
Is there
a key?
Like,
is there
a key
that somebody
in this
establishment
would theoretically
have?
Anatolius
barred
himself
inside.
said he
couldn't
trust
any of
us.
That one
of us
was a
traitor,
was stealing
the decks.
Oh,
that was
true.
Yes,
there absolutely
was.
We already
shot him.
What?
Yeah,
somebody was
stealing the
decks and
he was
hiding them
in bags
of flour
and then
some grots
ate them
and Kelrana
will pull
out one
of the
disgusting
tarot
cards.
Yeah,
don't know
if it
really
survived,
but
we got
this one
back.
They are
all
horrifically
aghast.
Some of
them,
without
making
sounds,
begin
weeping.
Oh,
is it
that serious?
these people
are monks,
Kelrana.
They differ
their entire
lives to
this.
Okay,
if they're
monks,
then
where?
I don't
get it.
I didn't
say it
wasn't
pathetic,
but it
is.
Okay.
And we
have to
respect their
horrible
backwards
traditions
to their
faces,
and only
profit when
they're not
looking.
And you
say I'm
evil,
Captain.
What the
fuck?
I'm a
rogue
traitor,
for damn
sake.
Captain,
I take
apart
Xenos
while they're
still alive
to watch
them scream.
That's
just fucked
up,
ma'am.
Yes.
Man,
I don't
know.
That's why
I'm the
captain.
Yes,
you are.
Yes,
you are.
I'm
smiling big
and wide.
It's a
sincere
smile.
My famous
Aloysius
smile.
He's
smiling so
neatly.
I'm
smiling so
so
neatly.
As you've
said,
your
compatriot
man,
Alexandros,
what was his
name?
Anatolius.
Right,
yes.
I try to
say names
so you'll
remember them.
That helps,
yes.
I did.
I was
testing the
rest of
them.
Where from
this room
could we
find poor,
poor Anatolius
and convince
him to part
with the
thigh bone?
In the
anechoic
chambers to
the southwest,
he refuses to
budge unless
he knows who's
been stealing
the tarot.
close.
Did we get
a name of
that guy?
No,
Phil.
I fucking
hate all of
you.
Minus one
hero point.
I have
nothing I can
lose.
Sorry.
I'm just
not ratting out
a guy that can
supply me more
pterodex.
Yeah,
I need more
yachts.
I was
figuring we
could kind
of come to
an arrangement
there.
I'd like
to roll
persuasion.
I can run
back and ask.
No,
we don't need
to ask him.
Don't worry.
No,
he's dead.
He's dead.
It was
brother Phil.
That was the
one.
He admitted
his crime.
You're just
fucking making
up what
happened last
session.
They were
fucking week
ago.
She's not
going to not
believe it.
She's in
incredible pain
from her
leg being
split open.
She'll be
fine.
Voice in
my head.
I mean,
we could
tell him we
just found
the culprit
and that we
have some
of the
missing decks.
I mean,
they're not
in the
greatest
condition,
but beggars
can't really
be choosers.
I agree
with that
plan.
And all
else fails.
We have
an Ogryn
and they
don't.
Yeah.
So I
think we
could get
in there.
I mean,
we are
saving their
lives.
I mean,
they should
be grateful.
What if
brother DiCaprio
was also
an Ogryn?
That wasn't
his name.
Fuck you!
Bruce starts
heading to the
door.
Yes,
excellent
thinking.
Has anyone
patched them
up?
Have they been
patched?
Yes,
I have.
I have.
We did
it.
Thank you.
I can't go
with you,
but Sister
Calliope will
go with you,
one of the
silent women.
Oh,
that's not
necessary.
That's not
necessary.
You're doing,
oh,
okay,
you're coming.
All right.
Okay.
Why did
this dialogue,
like,
why did
your dialogue
suddenly become
Peter Griffin?
Like,
why has your
own traitor
become a fucking
eternal Peter
Griffin sketch?
Because I've
gone insane!
So,
Bruce gets up
and he turns
to Alden.
He's all,
what
would you
like to start
with,
Bruce?
Well,
let's see
first if we
can reach
this poor
brother,
Anatolyus.
Bruce knocks
for you.
Are we sure
that's his
name?
Yes.
The woman
is shaking
her head.
Who's with
you?
Oh,
that's not
his name.
No,
it is his name.
And she,
like,
points to
the door
and then,
like,
kind of
turns her
hand,
like,
turning a
handle,
like,
opening the
door.
You got
that,
Bruce?
I think
there's
another
connected
whole way.
No,
it's,
though,
as funny
as it
would have
been to
do this
whole bit
where you
negotiate
they got
the wrong
fucking
door
for,
like,
30 fucking
minutes
where you
guys,
where you
guys are
just,
like,
this guy's a
fucking rock,
he's not
budget,
he spent all
of our
glory.
It would
have been a
funny bit,
Chad,
I know,
it would
have been a
really fucking
funny bit,
but the
players would
have hated
me forever.
He would
have never
forgiven you
for that.
So,
is this
the door?
The one
walks up,
gives the
thumbs up.
All right.
Brother
Anatolius,
I am the
rogue
traitor
Olden
Rosh,
captain of
the
Bird of
Paradise,
and I
am here
to liberate
you and
the rest
of your
fellows
from the
orcoid
menace.
Please
open this
door so
that we
may discuss
matters.
I understand
you may
be under
an oath
of silence,
but please
open this
door.
Would you
like some
kind of
persuasion?
Yeah,
give me a
difficulty
seven
persuasion.
That sounds
easy.
Yeah.
Cool.
Well,
I am
attempting to
acquire goods
and services,
no?
Yes.
Well,
then my
warrant of
trade will
give me an
extra
boost.
well,
I'll
fucking
well need
it.
Four
successes,
five
failures.
I'd like
to spend
a wrath
on this.
I also
complicate,
by the
way.
Oh,
dear.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Great time
to complicate.
It's out of
ammo.
Love it.
Eight
successes
with two
shifts
possible,
and I'll
roll my
complication.
Oh,
no.
It's a
physical
mishap.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Do you
want to
read what
that complication
is allowed
for the
audience?
You're
clumsy or
tongue-tied.
You do
or say
something you
didn't mean
to,
causing a
problem.
Oh,
no.
Okay.
What kind
of problem
is the
captain going
to cause
in this
situation?
Now,
brother
Anatolius,
you should
know that
we have
purged the
alien and
the mutant
who has
been
otherwise
stealing your
goods.
The mutant
that has
done this.
I mean,
not that the
mutant did
this.
We do
have a
mutant with
us.
The mutant
did not
do this.
But we
have done
open the
damn
door.
Okay.
Okay.
Sure.
the door
opens to
a meek
monk
looking
out.
He
looks up
at
Roos,
seeing the
mutant.
It's that
it's that
like it's
Willem
Defoe in the
light.
I'm going
to quickly
run at
full tilt
and just
slide on
in before
he shuts
it behind
him.
Roos
follows in.
Hello,
Brother
Anatolius.
Turns
around,
slams the
door in
Roos'
face,
quickly
locking
it.
Alden
has rushed
in.
The
stare-off
is happening.
This can
only go
well.
I'm sure
he'll be
fine.
Yeah.
I
probably
recommend
Brother
Anatolius
you open
that door
again.
For that
individual
that you
had seen
is my
personal
bodyguard
and has
saved my
life on
numerous
occasions
out here
in this
orc
infested
waste.
Okay.
As you're
doing this
we're going
to cut
back to
the other
other
side.
Roos,
you've had
the door
slammed in
front of you.
The rest of
your allies
are there.
As you're
looking,
you hear
something in
your mind.
Roos.
Trust it
to your
mind.
Roos.
Roos.
Can't
rather
stop
using
your
Gino
stuff
to talk
to me.
I can
just hear
you right
here.
I'm not
saying
anything.
Roos.
It's
me.
You're
doing
so good.
Praise.
I never
get that.
I'm the
saint.
Roos.
The
saint of
who?
saint
her
festium.
Oh,
no.
What do
you want
me to
do?
My
thigh
bone.
You
must
retrieve
it,
Roos.
I'll
be
for
fucking
try.
But
your
captain
is going
to keep
it for
himself.
we can't
let that
happen,
Roos.
You
you're a
good servant
of the
Imperium,
aren't you,
Roos?
I'm a good
boy.
Do you
want to
make the
Emperor
happy,
right,
Roos?
Yeah,
yeah,
I'll make
Emperor
happy.
If you
get the
thigh bone
and make
sure your
captain doesn't
get it,
the Emperor
will be
very happy.
Dude,
why'd y'all
have it?
What do I
do with
it?
You'll
protect it
because
that's what
you do,
Roos.
You
protect
things.
okay,
I'll
protect
it.
All
right,
we cut
back to
inside
with
Alden.
That
man out
there is
my loyal
companion
who never
would do
anything
untoward
in any
way unless
I had
ordered him
to do
so.
And I
would trust
him with
my life
and he
would never
betray the
Emperor
and he
certainly
was not
your
counterfeiter
slash
smuggler.
That was
an unrelated
individual
who has
been dealt
with and
murdered by
orcs.
Now,
if you don't
mind,
please open
that door
and take us
as quickly as
you can to
the thigh
bone so
we can get
off this
godforsaken
rock,
I mean,
a lovely
island retreat
and never
speak again.
and rescue
you as
well.
His eyes
are just
like completely
wide as he
stares at
you,
unsure what
to do.
His hands
move in a
flurry of
sign language
that you
can't interpret.
Don't know
what you're
saying to me,
unfortunately.
I am a
man who
lives in
space and
I do not
know sign
language,
which I'm
afraid.
We are
to open
pass if
you disagree
with me.
I sorely
hope you
agree with
me.
But I
guess I
must insist
upon you
opening that
door.
Shakes
his head
violently.
Hmm.
Why not?
Oh.
Yes,
I can see
the bother
with that.
Quite
difficult to
get the
whys.
I've got
a way to
get you to
reconsider.
At that,
we're going
to cut back
into the
hallway.
Oh,
no.
As you
can see,
Aloysius,
I'm talking
in your
heads.
I figured
out how to
talk in
your heads.
Oh,
that's not,
you're not
supposed to be
able to do
that.
We're not
supposed to be
connected by
a wife.
field.
Gork gave
me this
great power
to impart
onto you
an important
message.
Mm-hmm.
They're
going to
try to
take the
thigh bone,
they is.
What do
you mean
they are
going to
take the
thigh bone?
The whole
point is
that we
take the
thigh bone.
No,
you don't
understand.
He's
going to
use it
to make
the thing
to replace
you.
what?
The
captain.
He's
building
a
golem
to
replace
you.
how do
you know
what a
golem
is?
Because
Gork has
made me
smart.
So he's
going to
use a
sainted
thigh bone
to replace
me with
some kind
of
sainted
hulk.
Yes.
And
Gork is
the one
telling you
this?
That's
right.
He sees
a future
for you.
But
there's
one thing
you have
to do.
Okay,
what is
that?
you have
to kill
the
elf.
Why?
Because
she also
wants the
thigh bone.
Oh,
of course
she wants
the thigh bone
for whatever
note out of
bone singing
rituals.
I should
have always
known.
That's right.
The captain
I could
trust.
She's going to
eat it.
Yes.
Wait.
Hold on.
I need
to make
a scholar
check against
my own
head.
Okay,
excellent.
Go.
Do Eldar
eat
wraith bone?
Difficulty
three.
And we're
going to
have to
look this
up in
xenology.
Look this
one up.
I bet
there's some
obscure book
somewhere where
they do
seven successes
on that one
for two
shifts.
Despite
what
Theta
Gamma
8,
9,
6,
6,
4,
a reputed
scholar,
no,
wraith lords
do not
in fact
come about
when Eldar
eat too
much
wraith bone.
You know,
somehow,
orcoid head
in my chest,
I don't
believe that
Kelrana is
going to
eat the
bone.
They don't
really eat
it so much
as make
things out
of it.
What do
you think
she could
do with
a saintly
thoi bone?
I don't
know.
They make
them,
they're heretic
saints all
the time.
They make
them into
weird nightmare
robots.
They're not
really robots.
They're just
like zombies.
Who would
do that to
someone?
I know.
Who would
ever do
that to
somebody?
Lloyd's
just send
the fucking
orc head
look into
the camera
and do
a smug
face like,
hmm.
Who would
ever do
that?
Alright,
we've
cut back
to the
captain.
Alright.
The
captain
is going
to reach
into his
breast pocket
and he is
going to
pull out
a notebook
and he is
going to
hand it
to this
individual.
I want
you to
take a
look at
this.
Looks
down at
the
notebook.
Thumb
through
starts
reading.
What you
have in
your
hand
is a
handwritten
account
by myself
of every
battle
I have
ever
participated
in
in the
void.
In it
you will
see a
series of
dates
and numbers.
Some
refer to
the coordinates
of where it
occurred and
there are
others that
refer to the
amount of
men upon
my vessel
who were
recorded as
lost,
killed,
or otherwise
deemed
irretrievable.
this record
that I
have kept
illustrates
a lifetime
of service
for him
on terror.
It
illustrates
my
commitment
as a
rogue
traitor
with a
warrant
of trade
bearing
his
holy
signature
of my
trustworthiness
and forthrightness
as a
servant
of the
throne.
Now,
if you
doubt what
I have
written here,
you doubt
me and
any of
those who
I vouch
for as
my sworn
companions,
you doubt
the god
emperor.
And
blessed is
the mind
too small.
Give me
a difficulty
five
persuasion
check.
You got
it.
Boo.
I believe.
I believe
too.
I will
wrath this
with my
final
wrath.
Okay,
yeah.
Yeah.
At
seven
successes
with one
ship.
Very good,
very good.
I'm glad we
didn't complicate
and we
learned about
the epic
battle with
the orphanage
ship.
Oh,
yeah,
that one,
I,
I,
and this,
this is the
other book
of all
the,
this is the
second book.
This one I
don't want to
show you.
It shows me
how we
heroically
rammed the
orphanarium
after a
particularly
drunken
night.
These are
reports I
actually sent.
These are
the ones I
took off
the record.
Yeah,
that's right.
Someone has
to know about
his infamies,
surely.
He,
he begins
pouring through
the history
and we
cut back out
to the
hallway.
Kelrana,
Kelrana,
it's me.
I'm trapped.
The brute,
his,
his concentration
is finally
off of me.
Now is your
chance to
free me.
Kelrana's
going to
look around.
You'll see,
you'll see,
like,
you'll see
Bruce just
kind of,
like,
I don't
know,
carrying on
his,
his internal
conversation.
Tim,
you could
have me
back.
All you
have to do
is save
me,
your family.
All right,
all this time
you've been
riding around
with him and
frankly,
every time he
shakes you
around,
you say,
oh yeah,
I'd love to
stay with you
or you answer
in your one
word answers
or whatever.
Why now?
He's
distracted.
Save me
from this
eternal
torment of
being the
plaything of
a brute.
All right,
I,
I,
I do
believe that
one.
I'm going
to,
I'm going
to,
I'm going
to pop
a little
science,
science,
science,
science.
I still
think I'm
pronouncing
that wrong.
Sino-science.
I'd go
with side
of science.
Do you
mind if I
pop that
real fast
just to
see if
I can
determine
if it's
my,
my,
my funny,
funny sibling
in
talking to
me?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Oh,
that is
five successes.
Okay.
Okay.
So,
there are
several
warp events
happening
right now.
Oh my
God.
In this
area.
All right.
Um,
one of
them is
definitely
the,
the soul
of your
departed
and the,
the psychic
energy,
but there's
other things
swirling
about here.
Ah,
shit.
Okay.
And then
the door
opens.
as the
man finishes
reading the
book
and opens
the door.
Good news,
everyone.
I've managed
to negotiate
with this
intrepid
and,
and,
uh,
Anatolius.
Good.
Excellent.
good to get
out of here.
Yes.
Uh,
yes.
Um,
Anatolius,
he said
your name was,
are there any
psychers
present?
Uh,
anybody who
can
attune
with the
warp?
looks up
like,
completely
aghast
at that.
Huzzah.
Just
completely
aghast.
Okay.
Psst,
captain.
Uh,
yes,
why don't you
come in
before,
uh,
everyone,
everyone get in
before he closes
the door again,
by the love of
the emperor.
Oh,
there are lots
of doors here.
Yes,
what is it,
Carona?
Uh,
there's definitely
warp phenomena
happening.
Hmm.
Well,
that makes sense.
We are nearby
a blessed,
uh,
holy
instrument
of his will.
Tends to be
a few miraculous
things,
unexplainable
phenomena.
No?
I have a very
important question.
Uh-huh.
What is Roos
doing?
Where bone?
Where bone?
He,
he looks to the
guy that he
passed over,
he's like,
where's bone?
Roos must
protect bone.
He opens a
door at the
end of the
hall.
I'm sorry,
I went up
that one
accident.
He goes up
to it.
And the
room is the
bone.
Yeah,
you can see
that there was
a deck of,
of the cards
that was being
constructed,
and then
on a,
on a satin
sheet,
um,
with some
kind of
protective,
uh,
filter around
it is the
bone.
Roos will
go up to
it and he
will pick
up the
bone.
He'll leave
everything else
alone.
Uh,
and he'll
like,
as if he
liked cradling
it a little
bit.
Uh,
he will
return back
to the
party.
And we're
like,
I found
the bone.
I think
this is
it.
Ah,
ah,
well done,
Roos.
Here,
hand it
over.
He kind
of like,
clutches it
a bit like,
no,
I can hold
on to it.
Yeah,
I can protect
it.
And he kind
of puts it
under his
like,
iron hair
paste thing
for good
keeping.
It's all.
I'll take
good care of
it,
shot.
Oh,
don't be
silly,
Roos.
Besides,
I've had
Kilrana
report to
me of
strange
warp
phenomena
around
it might
be best
for,
no offense,
someone of
a strong
will to
hold it.
I don't
have a
strong
will,
sir.
You
have a
very
strong
will,
but.
Let me
prove it,
sir.
I can
carry it
just far.
Just believe
in me.
Hmm.
Can I
ask
Bruce?
I don't
believe in
this,
but I
think it
would be
funny.
Can you
make a
persuasion
check?
Oh,
my God.
Yes.
Oh,
my God.
Social
PVP,
social
PVP.
Yes.
Can you
social PVP
me real
quick?
I don't
believe in
rolling
checks against
other people,
but you're
so bad
at it that
I think it
would be
funny if
you
succeeded.
Oh,
my God.
Apologize.
I'll fix it.
They basically
OBS
crashed,
but we're
fine for
now.
Oh,
we're good.
We're good.
Because it
does this.
Oh,
are we good?
Oh,
one second.
So I'm just
going to leave
this error window
here because
everything's still
going.
So I'm just
fixing it.
Opioids?
Yeah,
so just to
communicate with
me one more
time what
check you
want me to
do or so
because I'll
roll with
the punches.
You know
what?
Don't worry
about it.
Okay.
Very well,
Roos.
I will
entrust this
thigh bone to
your care for
now, at least
until we're
back on the
ship.
Okay,
sir.
Don't
disappoint me.
Yeah,
sir.
All right.
One sec.
What's your
defense?
Um,
captain?
My defense
is three,
but I do
have my
power sword.
Yeah,
yeah,
I don't care
about your
power sword
here.
Okay,
well,
thank you.
I care about
my power sword
and it makes
me feel very
small when you
say that.
I know.
I'm a bad
person.
It's fine.
Neat.
Okay.
Give me one
sec.
I just need to
roll some
things here
just for no
apparent reason.
Uh-oh.
That was a
lot of dice,
Thurston.
Cool.
I'm gonna
give myself a
point of rune
on the six I
rolled on this
private dice roll.
Hello.
Just mark me
down on that,
Zorin.
Then,
oh,
this is fun.
This is fun,
y'all.
I like having
fun.
Don't you
like fun?
I'm looking at
you with my
big wet eyes.
Yeah,
okay,
that's great.
Um,
I like it.
Okay.
Okay,
one sec.
Well,
blink,
blink,
blink.
Uh,
okay.
Uh,
oh,
gosh.
Um,
speaker,
can you
roll me
a D
six,
six.
A D
66?
Well,
so yes,
yes,
basically.
Roll me a
D6 followed
by a D6.
Okay,
so two
D6 is
what you
mean.
Yes,
but the
first one
is a
number,
the second
one is
a number.
Oh!
Double six?
Oh!
Oh!
Uh,
one sec.
I can't tell
if that's good
or bad.
I don't know
if that's good,
yeah?
I don't know
if that's good.
I genuinely
have no
earthly clue
if that is
good or
bad.
If you are
rolling on a
table,
I don't know
if this is
good.
One sec.
One sec.
I,
one sec.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
This,
this may be,
uh,
this may be
wet places
that I was not
expecting.
One sec.
Do it.
Come on,
kill me.
I'm right here.
Come on.
Jamie and I
watched that
recently.
Such a good movie.
It is fantastic.
That's a fantastic
movie.
Um,
okay.
One sec.
It's fine.
Can you roll
me another
D66,
please?
It would be
my supreme
joy to do
so.
Yes.
Oh,
God.
Oh,
dear.
Uh,
double fours.
Okay,
okay.
Why do you
keep rolling
doubles?
Because I'm
left.
Yes!
Okay.
Okay,
okay,
okay.
I'm like,
this is fun.
This is fun.
This is fun.
So,
okay,
okay,
okay.
So,
so Roos is
like,
like,
no,
sure,
I'm going to
keep it.
And then you're
like,
yeah,
right,
Roos,
fine.
Like,
sure.
Roos,
as you're
holding on to
the thigh bone
and looking at
your captain,
you watch as
Captain Alden's
body begins to
distend horrifically,
becoming incredibly
swollen.
What?
His body mass
is tripled.
his height is
increased by
about 5%.
And your body
is about
double as
wide.
I'm so scared.
nothing accommodates
to,
to,
uh,
accommodate this
growth.
Um,
but you,
you start seeing,
like,
inflamed and
putrescent
flesh beneath.
Uh,
basically,
I've cast
Polymorph
Baron Harkonnen
onto Alden.
You fucking
sent us
on an
inflation
integer!
Um,
so.
I hate this,
I hate this
DeviantArt
expansion.
So this is
what you see.
I like to
narratively
declare I
have a
short circuit.
I would like
to narratively
declare that
Speaker D
re-rolls
whatever that
last thing
is.
So,
so for
reference,
Speaker D,
um,
rolled on the
minor mutation
chart,
except by
rolling a
66 on that,
he shifted
it to the
severe mutation
chart,
which then
ended in the
result of
Corpulant.
Oh no!
Are you
telling me
that I'm
So this
happens as
like,
Bruce,
as you're,
you're like
going through
this,
this occurs
and you're
watching this
happen as
you've been
like told
like,
oh,
don't worry,
Bruce,
I can be
like,
I can hold
this,
I'm fine,
I have a
strong will,
and then you
watch this.
He clutches
the bone
as if it's
like pearls,
he's like,
oh,
he did have
a strong will,
he's blowing
up.
Oh,
what am I
supposed to
sit down
my room
playing this?
I'm so
hungry.
I know he
says,
help him.
I hate
this so
much.
I hate
this so
much.
Alden
wouldn't
say
that.
I'm
fail
RP.
The
noise is
happy.
I'm
going to
need that
right now.
Loisus,
can you help
me?
I'm
really
hungry.
What are
you talking
about?
He's
mutating
too.
I'm
working
out.
Hold
on.
Help
him.
I can't
help him.
He's
turning into
a putrescent
lost.
Kill
me.
Kill
me.
He's
contaminated.
The
cycle has
polluted
him.
Kill
everyone
here.
Hey,
Yorana,
as this
is going
on,
your
perception
is pretty
good.
You have
enough just
to notice
that as
this is
going on
and everyone's
focused
their
attention,
you notice
that the
one woman
who's
come in
with you
has a
slight
nosebleed.
Right.
I'm
going to
attempt to
deny the
witch.
It's a
good,
yeah,
okay.
I'm
going to
help him.
He's
floating up
to the
ceiling.
It's
pushing
her.
It's
I can't
believe it.
I'm
the schnozberries
taste like
schnozberries.
Their schnozberries
taste a little
spicy.
can I
deny the
witch upon
this woman?
Please,
please fucking
end me
from this
torment.
Please.
You,
you don't
get to say
that.
Thirsten,
you impose
this.
No,
Speaker rolled
the fucking
dice.
He chose
this back.
You
skit.
You're right,
Speaker,
it's your
fault.
What's my
DN?
Don't
make me
into the
slither lady.
Oh my
God.
Stop.
No.
I'm
going to
wrath
reroll
this.
I'm
going to
wrath
reroll
this.
Please.
Please.
If I
had wrath,
I would
have
rerolled
becoming
a thing.
I would
have
lived with
my mutation.
Now I'll
die with
my mutation.
six successes
for you,
Thirsten.
Alden
Rush snaps
back to
his normal
form.
There's
like a
wet
popping
sound as
that
occurs.
Rose.
Yeah?
Rush
ahead.
Okay.
He not
even a
thought of
resisting.
He goes,
oh,
okay.
Wham!
Just
basically
just like
power
goes in
for the
goes in
for the
attack.
The donkey
thong
slap.
Bam!
I complicate
but like
you hit.
You hit.
You hit.
Here's the
damage.
I do
nine points
of damage
to my
soul and
AP and
the complication
is out of
ammo,
which is
I'm
bailing.
Gotta
reroll that.
Yeah.
Drop the
weapon.
Okay.
I mostly
like I
drop my
ripper gun.
I guess I
lose my
movement to
pick it up.
I'm sick.
I'm just
gonna.
Uh oh.
Then she
turns into a
lord of
change.
Oh no.
Not again.
As you
go to
crush with
the hands
of the
ripper gun
there's
like a
snap.
The head
goes to
the side
and then
slowly
turns
back
Bruce.
Oh.
Um.
So would
any of you
like to
spend glory
to interrupt?
Uh.
I'm just
gonna put us
in combat
real quick.
We have six
glory right
now.
Oh wait.
Is Alden's
gun still
out of
ammo?
Am I?
So how
quickly do I
stop being
fat?
Was I
ever fat?
You said
you snap
back to
it.
I imagine
it's
so the
idea is
Kelrana you
would know
this.
Oh also
Alden you
get one
point of
corruption.
Yeah I
fucking
should think
so.
That is a
that is a
malefic
psychic power.
You would
know this
called touch
of corruption
which normally
only imparts
a fairly
minor
change on
people.
Oh my god.
But because
Speaker ruled
like such a
good boy
um
he brimblowed
himself for a
moment and
there we go.
It takes power
to fuck up
that bed.
It does.
It does.
And that's
why they pay
me the big
buck.
That was a
psycho captain.
Oh my
buck.
Yep.
Your
shallows are
still a bit
long.
Like
I'm
cutting
head into
off now.
I
raise my
power sword
with my no
longer
corpulent
grip and
I'm
screaming and
throwing up
as I
attack her.
And throwing
up.
Very
hard going
in like
I will
charge.
Uh what
is my
DM to
hit?
If you
target her
it will
say but
the piece
in our
time.
You will
just hit.
I just
hit.
You
damnable
witch.
12 damage
AP minus
three.
You cut off
her head and
she dies.
as you
all explode.
No.
And then it
goes all to
your thighs.
And then you
blow off.
I have
a
blueberry
anymore.
So
let it
out.
Let it
out.
That was
terrible.
Oh I
am double
checking.
I'm triple
checking the
gala field
before we
leave.
I'm making
sure.
Aloysius
you need to
check the
gala field
on others
before we
leave.
I don't
really know
how to
maintain the
gala field.
I'm not
a
hell
runner.
I owe
you more
than my
life.
I am in
your debt.
Oh.
I put a
hand on his
shoulder.
Thank you
captain.
Oh.
I'm no longer
influence anymore
am I?
Yeah the
voice is your
head is gone
now.
Bruce will
take the
thigh bone
and hand it
to Alden
and go
kept it
safe for
you both.
Yes thank
you.
I take the
thigh bone
and then I
look back
and just
one moment
please.
You son
of a
bitch
bastard
and I
start
beating
the
dead
body
with
the
thigh bone
open.
You think
you can
do it
get away
with that
with me
I'm
Captain
I'm
then
ROOSH.
Bruce pulls
Alden away
like it's
like you got
it bro
you got
it.
Take it
and bury
your
body
I'm
nailed.
She's
out of
juice.
Stop.
We're
going back
to the
ships.
Wait
wait
wait
hold on
we
we got to
make sure
that bone
doesn't get
broken.
Just take
it away
from him.
I
shucked him
like a
nervous
horse.
At this
point I'm
leading them
out to
basically go
up to the
courtyard and
just call the
orbs and
I just
haven't opened
all the
doors.
There's
still
orcs
that need
to die.
still
we have
to be
such
chick
again.
Hello
you
I point
at the
what
he came
into our
imagination
shows that
you're back
Archibald
or whatever
your name
was.
fuck
y'all
of you
I
like
I
swear
to god
not
one of
you
takes
notes
I
had
not
to
take
notes
we just
choose
not
to
I'm
sorry
I had
to
continue
the day
no I
think this
guy was
chosen
I think
he was
chosen
no that
was
he's
worthy
no he's
okay
he's
on second
what's
on third
fuck
you
die
all right
can we go
home
did you know
who that
was
and I
point
to the
dead
psyker
did you
know who
that was
oh
I
am
saying
this
to
the
monk
uh
like
looks
at
you
wide
eyed
kind
of
looks
back
um
nods
but looks
down at
the
steaming
pile
of the
corpse
right
she
would
did
you
know
that
she
could
use
psychic
abilities
like
hands
go up
like
no
no
no
like
we
had
no
fucking
clue
like
whoa
whoa
how long
has she
been
here
uh
your
fingers
as
years
um
does
like
a
like
less
than
one
thing
okay
recent
addition
do you
know
where
she
came
from
uh
looks
over
at
like
asks
to
take
the
notebook
oh
yeah
yeah
yeah
from
albin
fine
take
it
like
this
place
has
already
taken
so
much
from
me
just
writes
down
came
here
with
thaddeus
uh
next
page
yes
the
writes
down
came
here
with
thaddeus
with
thaddeus
thaddeus
oh
oh
him
killronna
do you
remember
him
are you
good
captain
i remember
thaddeus
uh-huh
i remember
him
i'm going
to kill
him
now
okay
let's
go
and
do
that
sure
yeah
i'm
i'm
i'm gonna
i'm gonna
wander
okay
i'm gonna
wander
we're
wandering
i
open the
store
it was
already
open
it was
already
open
okay
all
you are
lucky
i'm
not
killing
everyone
in this
fucking
room
we'll
be back
they all
look shocked
like the
woman
who's
wounded
looks up
is
everything
okay
no
she
retreats
back
thank you
for your
cooperation
the
emperor
thanks
you
they all
look like
reverently
at the
thigh bone
that you
were just
pilfering
while being
like
fuck all
of you
just walking
just one
way back
actually we
never did
open this
door
what's in
here
oh another
whole way
i'm just
walking
on my
way
i'd love
to be
a role
and i'm
all right
okay
unpause
that
i have
to move
speaker
let everyone
else catch
up
all right
all right
all right
but then you
might stop
me
he can stop
you by keeping
that door locked
that is true
that will stop
me
all right
sorry
aloysius and i
are puttering as
fast as we
can
ah
stepping in
the fire
oh yeah
rough one
sorry chat
we had to
navigate a
long corridor
of maps
all right
now we're
here
hello
okay so as
you open the
door
um there
are several
bodies strewn
about here
um you
recognize them
as some of
the monks
you left
behind
um and
then there
is a
um a
pink
skinned
creature that
could best be
described as a
horror um
this being uh
writhes with
partly iridescent
skin as it's
like tentacular
form slithers
over itself a
singular mouth
bleating out
words your
brought me
the cyborg
oh fuck off
you grot
all right
there's another
grot
an ugly one
at that
all right
fuck
you know
what
i'm not
even i'm not
even playing
you're playing
this all right
that's fine
have your cool
villain moment
it's fine
no no no
no uh
okay okay
fucking give
me a difficulty
three fear test
everybody
that is more
reasonable
oh shite
all right
let's see
i am
extremely not
extremely
uh i'm not
okay
uh i'm not
doing so good
okay
do i do i
re-roll this
yeah i re-roll
this
can i perhaps
take possibly
three glory
this is why
you don't roll
it all together
yeah i was
gonna say
hold up
and everyone
kept going
sorry
love i love
your faces
everybody
i'm gonna love
ripping them off
with this demon
yeah
all right
let me
let's
let's
let's break
it down
real quick
because i
waited
um
so speaker
passed the fear
test of three
over the four
uh odo you
use the what
you use your
wrath last
one
uh
so basically
let me see
here
use your last
one to pass
it
there you are
or you have
no wrath
is in fail
zone
um
okay you
have one wrath
left thanks to
chat
i thank you
chat
so you want
to use that
or you want
to go for
glory
i feel like i
should save
the re-roll
for an attack
but
yeah i'll just
i'll save the
re-roll
okay
or for something
funny
uh roost will
try
i'll have one
die and some
oh no
i failed that
uh maybe you
could take some
the the glory
yeah i'll i'll
wrath it and
then i'm gonna
spend some
uh glory
okay
because otherwise
we're just gonna
be very scared
i can't believe
we got zinches
tricked
okay
got a thing on
the wrath
now
i need to
i i would like
to ask
four
die
oh
or i'll do
three i'll do
three and you
can take two
if you want
eluysis
okay
that's it's
disagreeable
okay i'll do
one two three
lois
eluysis takes
two
uh i will
basically roll
additional three
let's do one
by one
ah that's one
fail
success
five that's a
success i i win
so
i win
thank you
i beat that
now loisys you
can roll your
d6 one at a
time
let's see what
you get
i'll do just
that
two more
yep
wonders one
fail
you could get
a six
and
six
woo
yeah
i always win
it's cool
it's cool
who wants to
go first
oh shit
i'm okay
i can beat
its ass
did any
come out the
other end of
that appeared
no
no
oh wow
this is very
manifest of the
of the levels
of fucks of
which you don't
give about this
place anymore
that is true
yeah
like we literally
no go ahead
any other
circumstance
a demon appearing
before us
horrifying
scary
after the past
two sessions
uh whatever
fuck off
do i still have
the thigh bone
yeah
oh no didn't i
give it to someone
i thought you had
no you used it
to be the
sacred death
oh i'm really
tempted to just
chase after it
with a thigh bone
and try to beat
it to death
with it
use your power
sword
it's got ep
i think the power
sword might be a
more efficient
weapon
die you
aberration
and i will
charge it
okay
and let's see
how i do
hey
that's a
complication
but five
ones
one should
possible
don't forget
you are gonna
hit it
i'm restrained
my attack
caused me to
become restrained
perhaps my
footing is
uncertain
or i'm
entangled
in something
in the
environment
i can make
a dn4
strength test
it's a
simple action
if i succeed
i recover
so you can't
do it this
turn you're
gonna be
restrained
basically i'm
gonna say
like one
of its
like tendrils
goes around
your leg
and starts
to like
restrict
you
like kind
of a bit
of a
you're
rushing up
to it
to attack
it but
it's
it's
it's got
you just
as much
you can
roll damage
though
i will
happily
roll damage
oh it's
a big one
minus 3
very nice
okay
okay
oh my god
just give me
a moment
you kill
it
yay
as i had
you all
selected
god damn
it
oh
sorry
it does
this weird
thing
one sec
we killed
it
yeah you
did
you did
you sliced
down
but where
once was
pink
now it's
now is
blue
where once
was one
now is
two
as you
slice
this thing
in half
captain
its form
ripples
around as
your blade
comes down
the powered
edge slicing
through its
demonic flesh
but as
that occurs
it begins
to warp
around the
segment that's
restraining you
still restraining
you as it
rips off
into a
secondary form
there are
now two
creatures here
blasted
devil
um
and
well
wish to
interrupt
yes
yeah you
can you
can interrupt
absolutely
nice
here he
comes to
save the
day
i got you
boss
roost just
charges in
uh goes out
to the one
that's to the
right of
alden here
on the
map
um
guns a
blazing
okay
i rolled
nothing
oh my god
you did
your best
buddy
the worst
roll
ever
well thankfully
i have one
last
my god
to tell you
how bad
i rolled
dear
listeners
uh i
rolled no
successes
not a single
one out of
all the dice
i rolled
and i
complicated
that's how
bad this
roll was
but i do
have a wrath
which i will
obviously spend
um and as i
spend it that's a
far better roll
that's going to
be six successes
but i still
complicate so we're
going to roll the
damage
uh rolled nothing
on that i'm
rolling terrible
today
uh i can
apply damage
whatever you
want the
complication
out of
ammo
we roll
drop
die
i dropped
my drop
it again
about my
thing again
so uh
unfortunately
dropped my
weapon
but i
beat
and i just
stab into
this blue
horn
to the right
yeah
it is
enough
to wound
it but
not kill
it
i have
done my
bad
she's all
oh god
you sir
the other
one will
now go
it's going
to attack
you
captain
scrappling
claws
scrappling
claws
come and
get it
you
filthy
animal
it will
oh i need
to
uh oh
okay uh
yeah it
is going
to
um
shift
there
do that
right
boop
dimagio
uh it's
gonna hit
you for
eight
damage
total
ooh
scary
scary
uh i
will attempt
to soak
i lack
permission
oh no
oh no
um one
second
not allowed
to soak
no
not allowed
and kill
team
not allowed
and kill
team
so your
resilience
is seven
so you
only take
one right
yes
yeah okay
so and i
will convert
that one
to shock
shock
nice
cool
all right
so you take
it as this
thing begins
scrabbling
and clawing
you and it's
you can tell
it's trying
to grab
the thigh bone
mine
mine
mine
mine
mine
mine
mine
mine
mine
mine
yeah
kelrana
loisis
uh
i'm a little
scared to use
psychic powers
on it honestly
you want to
go
yeah i'll
take care
of it
thumbs up
what's the
worst that
could happen
move up
and aloys will
target the one
closest to him
and try to
shoot it with
his zappy gun
do it
zappers dude
zappers dude
i'm shooting
i'm shooting
with a
arc pistol
hello
oh that's
a complication
uh-oh
i'm gonna
decline to
take that
complication
because of
sanctified
machine oil
mm-hmm
always
up
and
what was
the dm3
true
sorry
yeah
okay cool
i will roll
damage
16 damage
ap minus
one
it dies
yeah
it explodes
as you smash
into it
now it's four
well
now there's
the green
horrors
now
now it's
brimstone
horrors
yay
well done
the lot
of you
the brimstone
horrors emerge
dancing around
ruse
ruse
you're like
you're like
out of evil
dead at this
point like
all the like
tiny little
fucking things
that are like
popping out
me me me
me me me
me me me
yup
you're so dumb
all right
um
i guess i'm gonna
go with the
brimstones
oh it wasn't
a bit
here
no it wasn't
a bit
why would it
be a bit
one of them
is going to
attack you
aloys
oh no
oh no
it's coming
with scrabbling
claws
scribbling
scrabbling
oh
oh
um
gonna hit
gonna shift
one
gonna shift
one for
damage
and i'm
gonna roll
damage
i'm going
to do
four damage
which i don't
even think
gets past
your resilience
uh it
does not
yeah it
like they
they start
like clawing
tiny
coruscating
flames on
their on
their fingertips
clawing at
your armor
but don't
get through
all right
kill rana
what disappointing
warp spawn
they are
right
uh i'm gonna
smite uh
the blue
guy
cool cool
i have a
question
no
yes tharston
i'm not
going to
unbind
in front
of the
zeench
demons
if that
is what
you are
asking
thurston
what's your
favorite color
all right
i'm gonna get
your ass
i know
i know
get your
ass
i succeeded
roll damage
three mortals
uh
fuck
which one
are you
doing it
on
on the
blue
horror
the blue
horror
sweet
i'm sending
him back
to his
blue little
house
with the
blue
little
window
and everything
is blue
for him
and then
it's blue
for him
and then
it all
was blue
for him
he's not
dead
he's wounded
not dead
yet
you know
the problem
with this
blue
horror is
he ain't
got nobody
around
to listen
next combat
round
who wants
to go
first
i i am
quite interested
no longer
being restrained
um
that's a simple
action can i
still attack
if i
attempt
to break
out
uh
what
yeah
okay
i'm making
sure
a new
round
yeah
i shot
a man
to the
head
and he
turned
yeah
i was making
sure
yeah
yeah
or you
could let
someone else
go first
captain
and then
they could
unrestrain
you if they
kill the
thing
that's even
better
why don't
i go ahead
and be
patient
yeah i
know
i'm sorry
shock
shock
you know what
calorado
go ahead and
do a little
blasty blast
again
yeah roll
another
psychic check
i'll hit him
again
what could
go wrong
same as the
first
oh i love
it
thank you
thirst
so tasty
all right
complication
what are my
perils
the earth
protests
the ground
within 50
meters of you
is jolted
by a sudden
but brief
earthquake
the tremor
causes no
real damage
but all
in range
must make
a successful
dn3
agility test
or be thrown
prone and
suffer one
shock
so here's
the thing
i physically
cannot pass
this test
correct
i guess
we're all
tasting the
floor today
it's floor
time
it's floor
time
it's nap
time
honk and
dare i say
it
oh you
complicated way
you felt
too
i complicate
falling
yes
charlie brown
like
he didn't
make a
single
success
fall down
take a
shock
speaker fall
down take a
shock
hulky fall
down take a
shock
kelrana
complicate for
me
all right
what's my
complication
past
problems
something from
your past
comes back
to haunt
you
oh
when
oh
when roose
falls
when roose
falls
you know
what comes
tumbling
out
yes
oh my
god
the stone
and you're
like
sure
and like
this
soul
stone
ends up
in the
midst of
a group
of brimstone
horrors
that look
like they're
about to
go to the
kfc buffet
hey
instead of
like dropping
like my weapon
or something
my previous
complication of
dropped item
that's part of
it
all right
uh
as i didn't
complicate to
lose it
i'll i'll say
i dropped
the orb
you know
what
in that case
i i have
already smited
so i don't get
to change my
action this
turn but
thurston
would you
allow me
uh to fall
prone by
diving on
top of the
soul stone
and shielding
it with my
body
i will allow
this
okay
but it will
garner a
a a a
a strike
from
the claws
of these
tiny creatures
yeah yeah
yeah a little
of the boys
uh did i roll
damage on my
smite
we'll get
there
oh my god
yes
hello
what are your
dice loaded
like a
billion successes
could have
spent a rune
no i can't
uh all right
so that's
gonna be
seven damage
versus your
resilience of
seven you
take one
shock
extra shock
you take
two shock
i take two
shock for my
troubles
yeah
give us
give us
give us
run sit
nope
nope
you don't
get this
one
i'm going
to
spright
the blue
boy
yeah
this might
just three
mortal wounds
the electricity
causes the blue
boy to
explode
dropping out
yet more
brimstone
horrors that
spill out
in a cavalcade
attempting to
rush
kelrana
but they
have formed
a mob
oh shit
who would
like to
go next
uh it's
good for
alden
this would
be an
excellent time
for me to
open fire
with my
hot shot
volley gun
if it
why are you
matt
barry
now
you know
he's my
homeboy
my
home-time
guy
fucking
jackie
daytona
up in
here
now
jackie
daytona
doesn't
take
from anyone
sorry it must
have been all
the pounds
i've put on
lately
if we ever
play
vampire the
masquerade
i just
want it to be
that show
yeah
yeah
that's all i
want
yes
he scrambled
his bleed
he must
die
i can't
do it
here
he's my
hometown
boy
he's my
best friend
my sweet
cheese
my sweet
cheese
god i love
what we do
in the shadows
it's so good
all right
but uh
seriously though
i am gonna
murder someone
now
um
sure
i'm gonna
i'm prone
can i become
unprone
no
okay
uh yeah
yeah
i'll allow
this
well thank you
merciful game
master
i will now uh
attempt to
kill this
motherfucker
with my
with my
power sword
now it's
this is what
olden russia
sounded like
yeah
we've lost
this now
it's just
mad
barry
no this
is all
i'm just a
simple rogue
traitor from
arizona
yeah
oh my god
dropped items
he has to drop
the accent
out of ammo
re-roll
re-roll
okay
oh god
out of ammo
re-roll
out of ammo
fall prone
fall prone
this is like
this is like the
fucking
19th time
you've fallen
fucking
whoa
my paw
behind
oh my stomach
hurts
fucking
fall
i put them
in a mob
so you just
fucking
kill them
all
congratulations
oh kikro
i'm not
letting you
i'm not
letting this
crime go
unanswered
what slipped
and fall
in rush
even though
you will
keep what
you can
terminate
so then
you
congratulations
that was
the adventure
everybody
i assume
we all
we all
we all
killed the
demons
we carry
each other
we call
the harvest
like pick
us up
man
like we
got the
we got the
thigh bone
we all
hopped
the boat
lady comes
back
and is like
so how
was it
alright hold
on
are you
a psycho
no
squint at her
really hard
then fucking
row
row
the boat
alright
i'll get back
to the ship
i'll chill out
put the fucking
thigh bone in
some beauty
and the beast
glass case
or some shit
no it goes
like right
into the fucking
like arc of
the covenant
museum
it's just
like
that whole
thing was
just literally
to put it
in some fucking
inquisitor's vault
wait hold on
real fast
i've got the
soul stone
in hand
and you know
ruse is
worried about
getting his
captain and all
of this back
to the harvest
i'm gonna look
down at the
soul stone
i'm gonna give
a look at it
and i'm gonna
say
right
now's your
chance
you wanna
stay with him
or you want
me to keep
you on my
person
i'm gonna
give it
a shake
oh
zoran
would you
like to
do the
honors
that is
a likely
outcome
okay
there is
no doubt
come on
man
he's thinking
about it
he's thinking
the signs
say no
it's no
he has
said
literally
both
things
yes
he's given
every answer
zoran
he hasn't
said maybe
okay
more straightforward
i realize
it has to be
he gave you
two neutrals
which is what
those responses
are and then
no
yeah we
didn't say
damn man
get me out
of this orb
until
yeah
is that
the fucking
thing
until the
old fucking
like thing
from i don't
know a million
years ago
says damn
man get me
out of this
orb as an
answer
it will forever
be in a
ruse's fucking
answer
i guess we'll
never know
what we really
wanted
all right
yeah it's
true
oh you
felt my
saw
oh thank
you so
much
thanks for
looking after
him
man not
to worry
you be
careful with
him
oh yeah
but i will
you know he
just like
just punts
it along
uses it as
a back
scratcher
like no
no he
generally takes
it puts it
back in his
little holster
thing he had
going on and
off he goes
all right
and with
that the
crew returns
to the
bird of
paradise
and we
finally made
it through
this adventure
i feel like
this was probably
a much shorter
adventure than
what we made
it into but
i think we
did it
correctly and
everybody else
who has ever
done it before
us did it
wrong
true
so so
like you
did yeah
the way you
did it was
you took this
path that
like just
ran you into
the boss
room like
just
just fucking
went straight
into the
boss room
and i'm like
fumbled on
in there
yeah yeah
just like
how many
adventures are
there after
this thing like
one or two
more i think
two more
two more in
the in the
the pack we'll
probably get
through one
more i'm
guessing so
but of course
it's so fun
it was so fun
playing through
these adventures
with a good
time friend
starting off with
hulky crow where
can they find
you hey you
can find me on
twitch at hulky
crow on blue
sky every other
platform by the
same name if you
if you put it in
the exact same
way you'll find
me in some form
of course we had
the amazing
odoroshi
hi hello it's
me uh you can
find me on the
discord at
odo just o-d-o
you can find
me on blue
sky at
odo bites and
you can also
find me on
tumblr at
odoroshi writer
because for some
reason tumblr is
the one social
media platform
that's kind of
survived
of course the
insane speaker
d
you can find
me on blue
sky
uh blue
speaker d
dot blue
sky and uh
you can't find
me anywhere else
because i'm
withdrawing from
public view i'm
hiding in a
cave i'm gonna
live there now
goodbye of
course this is
rambar let's
use game master
thurston hillman
hi bum me and
all the things
that i'm called
gm thanks everyone
for playing another
fun adventure with
me this was
really fun and
i'm sorry you
turned yourself
into a blueberry
speaker but yeah
i i won't say i
forgive you but i
i understand
part of the
part of the
cards
and of course i
have been your
host for this
evening i am
zaron the wizard
you can find
everything at
zaron the
wizard dot com
of course please
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narrative declaration
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thank you all so
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all hope you have
a wonderful week
please stay safe
please enjoy your
time and we will
see you guys next
time so long
farewell goodbye
bye
bye
bye
have a
goodbye
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