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Welcome to Happening in Henderson, the weekly show where hosts Mark and Joleen serve up Henderson’s news with equal parts insight, cynicism, and sharp-edged humor. From local headlines and community events to crime updates, school district drama, weather forecasts, sports highlights, and brutally honest restaurant reviews, nothing is off limits.
Whether you’re a lifelong local or new to the 890xx life, this is the place to stay informed… without falling asleep.
MARK: Good morning and welcome to 'Happening in Henderson'. It's Monday, March ninth, twenty-twenty-six, and I'm your host, Mark. I'm joined as always by Joleen, who looks like she's already had three double espressos and is ready to set the city council on fire. It's a beautiful day in the second-safest city in America, assuming you don't count the mental damage from sitting in traffic on Eastern Avenue for forty-five minutes every goddamn day.
JOLEEN: Thanks, Mark. I'm actually on my fourth espresso, and honestly, the only thing keeping me from a complete meltdown is the fact that it's finally sunny enough to hide my permanent eye rolls behind sunglasses. We've got a lot of shit to get through today. From the school district once again finding new and creative ways to lose money, to a new bagel place that thinks slicing bread is for losers. It's a big week in the burbs, so let's get into it.
MARK: First up, let's talk about the West Henderson Fieldhouse. The city just dropped a big update saying they're making real progress on this seventy-million-dollar sports complex. It's supposed to open this fall, and it'll have eight courts and a four-thousand-person capacity. Apparently, we need more places for kids to play volleyball and for parents to scream at referees about a travel call in a third-grade league. It's great to see that seventy million going toward more participation trophies.
JOLEEN: Oh, for fuck's sake, Mark. It's not just for the kids. It's a regional destination. That's code for 'more people from California driving here and taking our parking spots.' But seriously, it's a massive project. It's right there in West Henderson where everything's exploding. If you haven't been out that way lately, it looks like a SimCity game where someone just spammed the 'development' button. I'm sure the traffic's gonna be a total dream once four thousand people try to leave a basketball game at the same time.
MARK: It's the Henderson way. Build it first, think about the roads ten years later. But hey, it keeps the property values up and gives people a place to go besides another damn park with a splash pad. Speaking of things that aren't fun and games, we've gotta talk about a heavy story. A federal lawsuit was filed last week regarding that tragic incident at Bass Elementary from last year. A mother is suing the district because her eight-year-old son, Cruzito Ruiz, died after choking on a piece of pineapple during lunch.
JOLEEN: That story is absolutely gut-wrenching. The lawsuit says the kid showed visible signs of distress, but instead of helping or calling for a medic, an employee sent him to the bathroom alone. He collapsed and died. It's every parent's worst nightmare and a total failure of basic common sense. I don't care how cynical I am about the city, hearing that a kid died because someone couldn't be bothered to notice he was literally dying in front of them makes me want to scream.
MARK: It puts all our petty complaints about traffic and taxes into perspective. The district's gonna have to answer for this in court, and frankly, they should. It brings up a lot of questions about how these schools are supervised. Between this and the budget disasters, it feels like the Clark County School District is just a giant machine for incompetence. They're always talking about 'student safety,' but then you hear a story like this and it's clear the system's broken.
JOLEEN: And speaking of the district's incompetence, let's pivot to their favorite hobby: begging for more money. They've announced a fifty-million-dollar budget cut for the next cycle. That means seventy-five percent of campuses are looking at spending reductions. They're 'surplusing' over twelve-hundred employees. That's a fancy corporate way of saying they're shuffling people around like deck chairs on the Titanic because they can't balance a checkbook to save their lives.
MARK: The best part is their excuse. They're blaming 'declining enrollment' and 'higher salary costs.' It's like, no shit. You raised teacher pay, which was needed, but then you acted surprised when the bill came due. Now we've got schools losing ten percent of their staff. I'm sure the quality of education will be just fine with fewer people doing more work. It's not like our rankings in Nevada could get much lower anyway. We're already fighting for forty-ninth place most years.
JOLEEN: Well, maybe they can hire some of the kids to teach themselves. At least the superintendent is out there saying art and music are safe for now. I'll believe that when I see it. It's the same old dance every year. They plead poverty, the state audits them, and somehow the top-heavy administration keeps their jobs while the librarian gets the boot. If you're a parent in Henderson, you've gotta be looking at this and wondering where the hell all your tax money is actually going.
MARK: It's going into the void, Joleen. Always has been. But let's talk about something that'll actually make you feel good for five minutes before the sugar crash hits. PopUp Bagels just announced they're coming to Henderson. They're opening an outpost at sixteen-eighty-five East Cactus Avenue. These are the guys famous for the 'rip and dip' style. No slicing, no toasting, just hot bagels you tear apart and dunk into schmears. It's the perfect food for people who are too lazy to use a knife.
JOLEEN: I'm obsessed with this. Finally, a restaurant that understands my lack of basic motor skills in the morning. They've got these rotating weekly schmears like truffle cream cheese and lemon poppy butter. It's basically a bagel-themed cult, and I'm ready to join. They haven't given us a hard opening date yet, but they're teasing some 'Vegas surprises.' Probably a bagel that costs forty dollars and comes with a gold-plated napkin, knowing this town.
MARK: I'll take a forty-dollar bagel over another generic sandwich shop any day. And if you're not in the mood for bagels, Master Kim's Korean BBQ just opened their new spot too. It's good to see the food scene in Henderson actually evolving past the 'eleven different versions of Applebee's' phase. We're getting real variety now. Although, I'm sure someone on Nextdoor is already complaining that the bagel shop doesn't have enough parking or is 'too loud' for a bakery.
JOLEEN: People on Nextdoor would complain about a free bar of gold if it was too heavy to carry. Let's talk sports. The Golden Knights are playing tomorrow against the Dallas Stars. It's a road game, which is fine because I'd rather watch them from the comfort of my couch where the beer doesn't cost eighteen dollars. Then they're back home on Thursday to face the Penguins. It's that time of year where every game feels like a heart attack waiting to happen.
MARK: The playoff race is heating up, and we're all just hoping the injury bug stays away for once. Meanwhile, our very own Henderson Silver Knights are heading to Tucson to play the Roadrunners on Tuesday and Wednesday. They've had a bit of a rough stretch lately, but hey, it's developmental hockey. Sometimes you develop into a winner, and sometimes you develop a drinking habit watching them give up three goals in the third period. It's all part of the journey.
JOLEEN: The Silver Knights games at Lee's Family Forum are still a blast, though. It's way more chill than T-Mobile. You can actually get in and out without needing a tactical plan and three hours of prep time. If they could just figure out how to put the puck in the net more often than the other guys, we'd be golden. But honestly, for the price of a ticket, it's the best value in town if you want to see people beat the shit out of each other on ice.
MARK: Spoken like a true hockey fan. If you're looking for something to do this weekend that doesn't involve sports, there's a big summer hiring fair coming up. The city's looking for hundreds of part-time workers for pools, recreation centers, and summer camps. It's a great opportunity for teenagers to learn that work is a soul-crushing cycle of misery while earning just enough money to buy a new iPhone and some overpriced sneakers.
JOLEEN: Exactly. Welcome to the machine, kids! But seriously, if you need a job, Henderson actually pays pretty well for municipal stuff. It's better than folding shirts at the mall. Also, don't forget the Peso Pluma concert is this Friday at T-Mobile. I know it's not technically in Henderson, but half the city's gonna be driving down there anyway. Expect the traffic on the fifteen and two-fifteen to be an absolute nightmare starting around four p.m.
MARK: And if you're staying local, the 'Battle of the Bands' applications are still open. If you've got a group of friends who think they're the next Nirvana, tell them to sign up. I'm looking forward to hearing six different bands play slightly out-of-tune covers of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' while their parents cheer like they're at Coachella. It's wholesome, it's loud, and it's free. You can't really beat that for a Saturday afternoon.
JOLEEN: I'll go for the people-watching alone. Now, let's look at the weather, because Henderson is about to remind us why we all move here and then immediately regret it in July. Today is Monday and we're looking at a high of seventy-six. It's perfect. It's gorgeous. Enjoy it while it lasts, because by Thursday we're hitting eighty-three, and by Saturday we're looking at eighty-seven. We're skipping spring and going straight into 'lightly toasted' mode.
MARK: Eighty-seven in early March is just offensive. I haven't even put my sweaters away yet. But the forecast is calling for nothing but sun and afternoon clouds all week. No rain in sight, which means the dust is gonna be everywhere and the pollen is gonna turn everyone's car yellow. If you've got allergies, I suggest buying stock in Claritin right now. You're gonna need it if you plan on breathing outside for more than five minutes.
JOLEEN: It's the desert's way of telling us to stay inside and look at our screens. And honestly, I'm okay with that. The nights are still staying in the fifties and sixties, so at least we aren't running the air conditioning at full blast twenty-four-seven yet. Give it another three weeks and we'll be crying about the electric bill. For now, it's patio weather. Just make sure you wear sunscreen unless you want to look like a piece of beef jerky by the time you're forty.
MARK: Way ahead of you, Joleen. I'm already ninety percent SPF. Speaking of being stuck outside, let's talk road construction. The I-two-fifteen widening project is still the gift that keeps on giving. This week, we've got some major nightly closures. Specifically, tonight, the Stephanie Street on-ramp to the westbound two-fifteen is closing from nine p.m. to six a.m. If you're trying to get home late, you're gonna have to find another way or just accept your fate.
JOLEEN: I love how they say 'nightly lane reductions as needed.' That's code for 'we're gonna block off three lanes for a single orange cone and no one's actually gonna be working.' They're also doing ramp realignment at Green Valley Parkway on Sunday. It's a mess. And don't get me started on the LED lights. The city is finally doing a study because people are complaining that the new streetlights are bright enough to be seen from the moon and are blinding drivers.
MARK: I thought I was just getting older, but no, those lights are legitimately like staring into the sun. They're looking at installing light shields, but apparently, the 'lead times' are so long we won't see them until the end of the year. So for the next nine months, just wear your sunglasses at night like that old song says. It's either that or permanent retinal damage. Your choice, Henderson. It's always an adventure on the roads here.
JOLEEN: And let's not forget 'Reimagine Boulder Highway.' It's been a year since they started, and they've hit the halfway mark. They're reducing lanes from six down to four to make it 'safer.' Because nothing says safety like making traffic twice as slow. They're adding those center-run bus lanes and elevated bike lanes. I'm sure the three people who ride their bikes on Boulder Highway in hundred-degree heat are very excited about this twenty-million-dollar upgrade.
MARK: I'll believe the 'calming effect' when I see it. Right now, it's just 'frustrating effect.' But hey, let's talk about where the real money is. Real estate. The Four Seasons Private Residences in MacDonald Highlands is still moving forward. It's a one-point-three-billion-dollar project. If you've got a few million dollars lying around and you want to live in a luxury high-rise on a mountain, this is your spot. They're targeting a late twenty-twenty-six opening.
JOLEEN: Must be nice. Meanwhile, for the rest of us mortals, the median home price in Henderson is hanging around four-hundred-eighty-one-thousand. Inventory is up twenty percent, which is great if you're a buyer, but let's be real: with the interest rates where they are, you still need a kidney and your first-born child to get a decent mortgage. It's a weird market. Everything's expensive, but people are still flocking here like we're handing out free money.
MARK: It's the 'not California' tax. People are happy to pay it just to avoid the state income tax. And honestly, despite all our bitching, Henderson is still a pretty great place to live. We've got the parks, we've got the safety, and we've got the sports. We just also happen to have a school district that's a flaming dumpster fire and roads that are under eternal construction. It's called character, Joleen. You wouldn't understand.
JOLEEN: Character? Is that what we're calling it now? I thought it was just collective masochism. But you're right, I'd rather be stuck in traffic here than pretty much anywhere else. At least I can get a decent taco within five minutes of any location in this city. That's the real measure of a civilization. Tacos and low crime. We're winning at one of those, and doing okay at the other. I'll take it.
MARK: On that note, we're gonna wrap it up for today. Thanks for listening to 'Happening in Henderson'. Make sure you like, subscribe, and leave a comment telling us how much you hate the new LED lights on the two-fifteen. We love hearing from you dicks. If you've got a news tip or you just want to tell Joleen to drink more water, email us at henderson at the happening network dot com. We'll be back on Wednesday with more news, more sarcasm, and probably more swearing.
JOLEEN: Stay safe out there, you assholes. Don't choke on any pineapple, don't stare into the streetlights, and for the love of god, use your turn signals. We know your car has them, we've checked. See you in a couple of days.