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Welcome to The Overflow—the bonus round of faith and real-life conversation with Brandon and Susan Thomas. Every week, they unpack the powerful insights, behind-the-scenes experiences, and personal reflections that didn’t quite fit into Sunday’s sermon.
This is where the conversation gets practical, honest, and a little bit unscripted. Whether it's an encouraging word, a deeper dive into Scripture, or a hilarious moment from their week, Brandon and Susan bring fresh perspective and spiritual fuel to keep you going.
It’s real talk, fresh takes, and full hearts.
These are the conversations too good to cut and too real to miss.
Welcome to the overflow, and we have a fun one. And you're wearing a sparkly shirt.
Speaker 2:I am because this is our Christmas edition.
Speaker 1:You love sparkling.
Speaker 2:I really do. Anything that's sparkly, it makes my heart very happy.
Speaker 1:Well, today we are gonna get you Christmas ready.
Speaker 2:Yes. We're gonna
Speaker 1:get you all things ready for Christmas because there's some toxic traps out that we can fall into at this time of the year.
Speaker 2:That's true. And you know, honestly, as we were thinking about this conversation, we were just thinking about our own lives, but anybody listening, there's just something about holidays. And there's deep theology for holidays, deep theology for celebration all throughout the Bible. God has a plan for his people to celebrate and have seasons of celebration. So it's something deep on the inside of humanity.
Speaker 2:And Christmas time in modern day, I mean, many of us get really excited about the holiday. Now others of us, you're like, you've gotta be kidding me. I've been dreading it. I can't believe it's here again. Oh, all the to do list come out.
Speaker 2:I don't know where you fall on the spectrum of excitement or lack thereof. But wherever you are, I really believe there's a way for us to go through this season with deep abiding joy or to go through this season and miss out on what God would have.
Speaker 1:We don't want you to miss it. No. We want you to make it. Yes. So there's six traps that will cause you to miss Christmas.
Speaker 1:Miss a moment, miss an opportunity, miss a blessing. There's six traps. And we're gonna walk through them. I'm gonna tell you what the six are, and then we're gonna go one by one.
Speaker 2:You know, feel like we should always have seven because seven's a holy number. I struggle so hard.
Speaker 1:I know. Number one is expectations. The expectation trap. Number two is the trap of greed. Number three, the trap of wrong focus.
Speaker 1:Number four, the spirit of discontent and or comparison. Number five, relational traps. And then number six, nostalgia.
Speaker 2:I have a number seven.
Speaker 1:Okay. What is it? Grieving. Okay.
Speaker 2:Alright. You'll be surprised. We'll get to Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Number one.
Speaker 1:Yes. Are you ready?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:The trap of expectations.
Speaker 2:Expectations. So this is such a big topic that goes well beyond Christmas. But I'll just start with myself. I can't speak to your expectations, but I I just love the sights. I love the sounds.
Speaker 2:I love the smell of cinnamon and potpourri on your stovetop with, like, orange peels and cloves. Just I love all of the images of Christmas. And I think it ignites something at least in my heart. And there's a reason why it's such a huge industry. I mean, when do they pull out the Christmas stuff?
Speaker 2:It's like
Speaker 1:It's earlier and earlier every year. And we really we struggle with this this year because Yeah. We, you said, Hey, we're putting up the tree. And I'm like, It's not even Thanksgiving. And I mean, there's one thing where you do it, you know, after Thanksgiving, and then you're saying, Before Thanksgiving, and I philosophically struggle with that.
Speaker 1:And then you were like, what was your was your reason?
Speaker 2:Well, I actually philosophically struggle with it too because I love Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:Right. Me too.
Speaker 2:I love it so much. I wanted to own standalone, but then I'm like, oh my goodness. All the effort for just a few weeks, I can't even hardly
Speaker 1:take And that's where you got me because we worked so hard to pull everything down from the attic and set it up throughout the house. And it's so beautiful and it's so fun and our stuff is very personalized. We've got a pretty tree that's perfect, and then we have a family tree, which is my favorite tree. Oh yeah. Which has all the fun, unique things through the years and pictures of kids through the years and crafts and all that.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:So I had to agree with you that, you know what? I mean, okay, let's pull it down. But there's expectations that involve, and I think you I think a could trap of expectations is when you have a vision of what it's going to be like, and something misses the mark. And how does that affect you at Christmas? Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Dinner and people are fighting.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. You have this picture. I know I have a picture in my head of this perfect gathering. I want all of my loved ones close. And you may feel the same way, but what happens when that meal is in the oven and it all burns?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Or your family is fighting and you're looking around thinking this does not feel like Christmas. These are expectations. And expectations by definition are the thing are the way things the way we wish things to be. It's the desire that we have for our life or for our situation or for Christmas in this case. What do we want our Christmas season to look like?
Speaker 2:That's an expectation. And they can even be things you're not fully aware of. I mean, this is honestly a big conversation. We're gonna hit on relationships in a minute traps. But you you would be a wise person to identify your personal expectations of the holidays, even if it's just expectations you have of your own self.
Speaker 2:And what are your expectations of your family? What is your expectations of your events that you're going to attend or your experiences? Look at those things and then compare them to reality. What happens when reality looks different? And don't only compare yourself to reality, but prepare yourself for reality.
Speaker 1:Yeah. For a family, I just recommend, let's go have a Christmas date in November. Let's go have a Christmas date early November, and we're gonna go and have a dinner, and it's not business. This is fun, it's fun to talk about, but you just set the expectations for the holidays and even set the expectations that your expectations could be, you know, like for example, you're gonna be there and you're gonna say, Hey, let's talk about where we're eating, on what day, and let's talk about, well, know, last time this happened, because we were rushed, hey, I really want to be on time, well, we have two family members, families to go to, so let's, if you get ahead of it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think so many problems with the holidays are that we get caught up in a moment. We get caught up and we're late. We get caught up and they're stressed. We get caught up and somebody's going crazy. There's so many things you can take off of the table for those stressful moments by preordaining them, predetermining, hey, we're gonna go ahead and say, okay, we're gonna go to them in the morning, we're gonna go to them in the afternoon, and you know what, we're gonna be full, so here's how we can eat here and here's how we can eat there, and just talk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, communication. That's such a key thing to help with. Because here's the trap, by definition, the trap of the expectation is when we elevate an expectation to such a position in our mind and in our heart that when reality looks different, we're devastated. We're just I mean, devastated may be an extreme word, but we are grumpy. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we get mean or we get moody or we get down. I mean, I can relate to some of that where I'll get so frustrated or so just sad. I had this expectation, I get sad. And you don't wanna fall into that trap because the reality of this world is that things break, food burns, families fight, things happen unexpected. And so how do we walk through having healthy expectations?
Speaker 2:And it's wonderful. Oh, it's so good to dream and to even make plans for a sweet holiday season. But I think the way to keep from falling into that trap is to take those expectations to the Lord. Like, example, if you have an expectation, and not only just of what you wanna experience during holidays, but expectation of other people. You're gonna go to your family gathering and uncle Lou is always uncle Lou.
Speaker 1:We don't have an uncle Lou.
Speaker 2:We don't have an uncle Lou, but let's say you have an uncle Lou and uncle Lou's just hard. And you're rolling in thinking uncle Lou's changed this year. All right, don't go in expecting things that very well may not be true.
Speaker 1:Uncle lose gonna be uncle lose.
Speaker 2:He is and don't walk in already mad. Just say, you know what, I'm gonna trust my expectation to the Lord. I'm gonna actively take these desires of my heart to the Lord rather than grip them, try to manipulate circumstances and people and force what I want to happen. Just watch out for that trap Maybe and have language
Speaker 1:for when something just goes wrong. Like, okay, that was, when something's not going the way that we want it to in the moment, I need a partner. I need a pal. And I'm gonna look at you and I'm gonna fist
Speaker 2:bump you.
Speaker 1:Yes. And we're just gonna make it fun.
Speaker 2:That's so good.
Speaker 1:In a fun way.
Speaker 2:Well, you're a team instead of opposing one another.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:You know, you're a team.
Speaker 1:Okay. Trap number two. This is a bolt. This is a big one. This is a gravitational pull of greed in the holiday season.
Speaker 2:We live in a material world.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I truly believe this one can sneak up on you. There's a lot of ways that you can experience greed and it sneaks up on you. You know, where Christmas becomes about the list, and we're that way. We're like, Give us your list.
Speaker 2:Let's define greed. How would you define it?
Speaker 1:Okay. Greed would be, it's not enough. What you get is not enough. And again, this is on the fly.
Speaker 2:It's like a form of lust.
Speaker 1:It's a form of lust. That's I wanna put my hands on something. Greed is, it's just not enough, I need more, I need more.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna put my hands on things God has not given to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's not, and when I get it, it's not enough. Whatever I have is not enough. Right. And it's the opposite of contentment. And I think that some things that can really help is deciding, especially when you have kids, really getting on the same page about this is the kind of Christmas we can have this year.
Speaker 1:You you can spin yourself to the point you have a burden for the rest of the year over what you spent at Christmas. And that's just a tragic, tragic thing to do because you're, again, probably trying to satisfy some expectations somewhere super broken.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And you know, this is a great idea for young parents with young children or really even teenagers, but whatever, the earlier you can start the better, is understanding that greed is a natural state of the human heart apart from God. So be prepared to shepherd your kids hearts. As I mean, I think every parent identifies with the little child looking for the next present. They opened the most amazing gift and the final gift in their lineup of gifts.
Speaker 2:And then they said, is that all? Is there more? That's that heart's cry like you were just talking about that's not not ever satisfied apart from Christ. And so just be ready as a parent rather than being annoyed or just ignoring it or brushing over it or not even hearing their statement. Actually, you have an opportunity to shepherd them into having a heart of thankfulness and appreciating what has been given versus wanting more, wanting more, wanting more.
Speaker 1:You know, it may be cool if before you do the gifts or maybe the night before, you just have a reset and you just set, hey, this is about Jesus. Is about Can we just, for a moment, let's just spend some time talking about what we're thankful. You know, we just had Thanksgiving, but even now, Christmas, we're about to give gifts, or tomorrow morning we'll be giving gifts, and we'll be receiving gifts. Can we just thank the Lord for what we have?
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:And can we talk about how we don't need? Like whatever we receive tomorrow is a gift. And just kind of shepherd that moment and lead it as a family, I would say.
Speaker 2:And get creative. We're all different financial places at different times. There's seasons in every person's life. And at this season, gifts can come in a lot of different packages. And one of the sweetest gifts, I've I've heard many families do this.
Speaker 2:In fact, my mom and dad did this for a while where they would give us as a gift for Christmas, Great Wolf Lodge. All the families going to Great Wolf Lodge, that indoor swimming and theme park, you know, water park, and it was so much fun. But that again may not be a budget friendly for someone else, but what's the quality time, the gift of quality time that you could create? Maybe it's, you know what, one of the sweetest gifts at Christmas is we're gonna spend a night playing board games with hot chocolate by the fire, and we're just gonna enjoy conversation. And mom and dad, we're going to help our children and initiate meaningful conversation with one another and being strategic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's an idea for grandparents. We have some friends who are grandparents, and they do cousin camp.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1:Or, yeah, they do cousin camp, where all the cousins come together at their house, and they have it all planned out. I mean, even down to some, this is a family in Keystone. There's a couple of people that do this, and there's a family in Keystone where they'll do cousin camp. I mean, they go to the nth degree, they have it all planned out, they have t shirts, it's like they're really going
Speaker 2:to camp. So
Speaker 1:cool. In other situation, they have a home and they just invite the cousins over and they have a swimming pool and they've got a trampoline and they just, and so, you know, one idea would be, hey, I'm giving you cousin camp.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Christmas cousin camp.
Speaker 1:Or grandparent camp or something, Christmas cousin. So it's just fun ideas and there's ways to do that. Yeah. Trap number three, we called it the wrong focus trap, but I'm gonna call it the Santa trap.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay. Hitting is that This is you're hitting a very controversial
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Topic of conversation.
Speaker 1:The trap of Santa. Is it wrong to have Santa around at Christmas?
Speaker 2:Man, this is such a big like, honestly, controversial for a lot of parents and families that have strong opinions. We'll just tell our story. That's what we'll tell our story. So I think that the start
Speaker 1:is Dwight, we gotta be raw. Okay. You were holding on to Santa for a longer time than I was.
Speaker 2:Oh, come on. I loved it.
Speaker 1:We were we were we were having a little bit of A a
Speaker 2:marital grind.
Speaker 1:Marital grind. Because I'm like, I'm done with Santa. I'm done with Santa. We don't have to have Santa. You know, we don't have to have the crumble cookies.
Speaker 2:I know, right, and feed the reindeer
Speaker 1:And in
Speaker 2:the it middle of
Speaker 1:whipped just, me to death and I didn't like it, I was done. And you were like, keep the magic alive.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's so true. It is And so when I go back and do it different, I don't even know, maybe. But there's an element of childhood that's fanciful. It's fairy tales. It's beauty.
Speaker 2:It's princesses. It's knights in shining armor. It's Santa Claus and Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. It's the cartoon books that we read. Right?
Speaker 2:All the things. And it's it's there's a fanciful element to it. And it and it's fun. I think part of childhood is so whimsical that their brains are developing and
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they're just discovering the joy of art and creativity. And so
Speaker 1:And all great stories don't have to be Bible stories.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know, there's great literature and great books and great adventures that are what we've talked about that are in common grace. Right. You know, it's positive, it's good, it's wholesome, it's family. So it's not like if enjoy anything other than Christian movie or a Christian show, I think you have freedom to dip into common grace at Christmas. I really love
Speaker 2:Dora the Explorer. We loved Dora.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I like Charlie Brown Christmas for example. Absolutely. Think that's doggone awesome.
Speaker 2:Well, we'd have birthday parties and aunt Diane would show up as a princess and all of the little toddlers thought she was a princess. Yeah. It's just those beautiful it's just childhood. So I think there's this place regarding Santa, that there is a sweet, fun, innocence of just celebration and capturing the whimsical joys of childhood. The danger and the truth in our culture, and it's it's true of Santa and it's true of anything, is when we elevate something above Christ.
Speaker 2:When we bring something to a level that only Christ This
Speaker 1:hit our family
Speaker 2:Can be.
Speaker 1:Which kid was it?
Speaker 2:Well, there was two stories that really come to mind. Okay. All right, so number one was my oldest daughter, Elle, and you were not with us at the time. I think she was in elementary school. And I'd always made the decision, I will never lie to my kids.
Speaker 2:I will not tell them Santa's real. That was just my personal conviction. I'm not gonna lie to my kid. I'm gonna have fun with Christmas and all the fanciful things, but I'm not gonna lie to my kid. And so when the day came and her brain began to work and they asked questions, she I was in my minivan and it was just she and I.
Speaker 2:And I don't know where the other kids were at the moment, but she looked at me and she said, mom.
Speaker 1:How old was she at this time?
Speaker 2:Definitely elementary school. Yeah. Maybe third grade?
Speaker 1:Mom, eleven years
Speaker 2:is Santa real? And in that moment, my world starts to move. And I looked at her and I said, yes. And I paused and I said, it's me.
Speaker 1:And what about me by the way? But you wanna go there?
Speaker 2:Well, you weren't there. Yeah. And her little eyes got so big. Yeah. And she looked at me and she looked at our minivan and she said, how do you do it?
Speaker 1:How do you do it?
Speaker 2:How do you do it? It was so sweet and it's the innocence of a child like
Speaker 1:Still the little
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Little glow of childhood.
Speaker 2:Oh, they're just trying to figure it out. And so of course then I share with her mommy and daddy are Santa, and every family, their mommy and daddy is the Santa. It's just a fun tradition of giving gifts to your kids and having such a sweet fun time. And so it was that moment, but then we had a bit of more of a severe moment.
Speaker 1:Well, I've also tried to throw out there the truth about Santa Claus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure
Speaker 1:that That it's a real person, he's a saint in the Catholic church, and this was a person that that loved Jesus. And I just, I love to break that out and try to, you know, that this guy loved Jesus. And I think that's helpful too as you're explaining it to kids.
Speaker 2:Saint Nicholas.
Speaker 1:Where did this come from? Yeah, Saint Nicholas, where did this come from? And all that.
Speaker 2:The origin is really powerful.
Speaker 1:But there was one where we knew we had to tell them.
Speaker 2:Drew a line in the sand.
Speaker 1:Had to tell another one of our daughters.
Speaker 2:So this one was our youngest. I don't remember how the middle two found out. I don't remember. But the last one, we were in our house, and what we would do is we would have gifts that were unwrapped and they would come down the stairs. They would line up and they would come down the stairs to see the Santa gifts, and then we would open all the rest of gifts.
Speaker 2:And it was
Speaker 1:And footnote, that was the whip.
Speaker 2:It was so fun. It's so fun. We still do it with our college aged kids. Like everybody knows, but they we have Santa gifts. And so they came down and we had that fun moment and all the kids are looking at their sweet gifts.
Speaker 2:And then our youngest daughter, Georgia, who was early early elementary, if not even now, I mean, was she five?
Speaker 1:Don't know, I Six, don't
Speaker 2:she was young. And she starts saying, thank you, Santa. Thank you for all these gifts. Essentially, she's praying
Speaker 1:to She's
Speaker 2:praying At that point, all bets are off. The thing is Gig is up. Yeah. We're done.
Speaker 1:Nope. Sorry.
Speaker 2:And so we lovingly expressed to her that God is the one who gave every good and perfect gift and Santa is a fun way that mom and daddy blessed her with presents. And so that's been our Santa journey. But I but I think the whole point is wherever you fall is are we elevating the name of Jesus?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Are we pointing to the truth of who he is and the reason for even celebrating Christmas season? Or are we elevating other things to a greater influence and a greater position
Speaker 1:in our lives? Would it be weird if you pulled out a bible and read the story of Jesus at Christmas? Really, that shouldn't be weird. No. That can't be weird.
Speaker 2:Oh, no.
Speaker 1:You've got to be able to pull out a Bible and read the story of Jesus at Christmas. If you can't do that, there's something in your culture that's gone wrong.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:And this is the season to correct it.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:And just setting culture, setting expectations that we're a Jesus family, we're a Bible family, and it's happy birthday, Jesus.
Speaker 2:Happy birthday, Jesus. And just to recap the last one about greed or whichever one that was. I think having the right focus, also going back to gifts, is just remembering the greatest gift and consistently telling your children about the greatest gift. Baby Jesus came born in a manger and he grew up to pay for and die for your sins.
Speaker 1:And if you don't get any other gifts, you're you that is the greatest
Speaker 2:That is the greatest gift.
Speaker 1:Trap number four. A spirit of discontent and or comparison.
Speaker 2:Oh, boy.
Speaker 1:This is back to that, the importance of gratitude. We can hit this one quick because we already have. Yeah. It is the opposite of greed, is that contentment. And really, you've got to lead this.
Speaker 2:You
Speaker 1:do. If you just allow your culture to drift, it will drift toward greed, comparison, entitlement. You've gotta set a culture of contentment, set a culture of thankfulness, and you have to lead that. You have to lead it.
Speaker 2:You do. And we're in a culture, because of social media and access to the Internet. It's like the opportunity for comparison is on steroids. And even if you're in a season where you don't look at social media or you that's never been your thing, we don't even need that because the the media playing in our own minds is consistently reaching for the things that we imagine other people have. It was one of your recent messages of thou shalt not covet is that we just have something inside of us that looks at what others have and we want it.
Speaker 2:Or we covet that we don't have that, and we're discontent and we're dissatisfied. And it can be such a range of things at Christmas time as we look at other families, not even material. We look at other families and we wish our family looked like their family. We look at our marriage, and we wish our marriage looks like their marriage. Or maybe we're in a really hard place of loss, and we're gonna talk about grief in a moment, and that's real, and we have to walk through it.
Speaker 2:But traps is that in the midst of our grief, we're coveting and wishing for this other person's life. And all of that takes us to such a dark place and miss the joy and the purpose of the holiday and for what it is.
Speaker 1:And that becomes a black hole and it affects the whole room. And you don't realize you're sucking energy out of the room when it's all about you. And so just shifting and pivoting and saying, hey, I feel a little sad this Christmas for one reason or another, but I'm not going to be defined by that.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna walk in thankful to the life I have with the Lord, and I'm not defined by my sadness. I'm gonna enjoy this moment. Let's go.
Speaker 2:Let's say you lost a job right before the holidays or you're in transition financially or who knows what the thing is. It's so easy to begin to compare to someone else that we perceive as blessed, and it'll rob us of the gifts God has for us.
Speaker 1:Trap number five, relationships, difficult family members, difficult difficult environments that you're in and and surrounded by, this is very familiar.
Speaker 2:Yes. This is very familiar. I think when it comes to the Christmas holidays for me, the thing I treasure most is having my loved ones around me. Friends, my church family, my my family, my kids, my my parents, your parents, just that those relationships are the greatest gift on earth. And the reality is that when we talk about people in our relationships, we're talking about imperfect humans who we bring stuff with us.
Speaker 2:And as people, we can be going through something at different seasons and different even different years where it could be hard or maybe there's in your family a consistently chronically hard person. Well, the trap is that we shift into a place that is is not God's design. And as I think about this, I think it I'll just I'll just share some patterns. These are things that I I'm always thinking in patterns as a counselor. You'll hear me say it a million times.
Speaker 2:But when you work with people long enough, it's kinda like a medical professional who works in medicine. They begin to see patterns of pathology. They just do. Whereas counselors, you see patterns in human pathology, in in mental, emotional, relational pathologies. And so when you think about your Christmas gatherings, here's a trap sometimes people will fall into, is if you get together with your family of origin, there's this pattern where everybody goes back to their childhood roles.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, yes.
Speaker 2:Speak to that for a second. You identified
Speaker 1:happens, yeah. I mean, you know, you get the same jokes, we make fun of the same, you know, you just kind of put down one, or maybe you're the one that's being put down, or, they just fall into the same arguments or the same talking points, and it can be very painful.
Speaker 2:It can be. Now sometimes it's really funny. Yeah. I mean, because you know, you've got some funny family memories and history and we love that. But what you're saying is the side of it where, you know what?
Speaker 2:No, that's painful or or and or I'm not that person anymore.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Who I was when we were growing up is not who I am today. And I'm not going to go back to that role. And we just have to go into those moments, careful not to just slip into, you know, a space that that's no longer who we are, but yet being kind, being loving in that process. Because sometimes what'll happen is that's not who I am. And we roll in
Speaker 1:Defensive.
Speaker 2:Defensive. We're prideful. We we're gonna we're gonna protect ourselves. And and it's just that's just as broken.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:But relationships can cause huge traps. How about pain? Relationships that that have consistently maybe caused pain or maybe there's friction, there's traps there. Unforgiveness?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So if you bring unforgiveness or a bitter root into your holiday experience, you've just thrown a toxic bomb into the middle of the living room. And it'd be best if you just got before the Lord and then released all of that stuff
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Before you entered into the holidays.
Speaker 2:Right. And, of course, sounds easier said than done because it is easier said than done. You cannot do it without Jesus. I thought of this verse, first Peter four eight, most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other for love covers a multitude of sins. When it comes to that potential relationship trap at the holidays, decide and ask God to empower you with the spirit of love.
Speaker 2:I am going to ask how can I love the people in front of me? I'm gonna go into this not to be served. How are you gonna serve me? How are you gonna serve my expectations? How are you gonna serve my vision for how this holiday should go?
Speaker 2:Instead, I'm gonna go into that room, that space, that house, that home. How can I serve? How can I be loving?
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 2:How can I be a healer in the midst of maybe some broken patterns in this family or in this environment? It's a completely different way to enter every room. And when you come across that person chronically broken, there's just a chronic something broken there. You're not walking in saying, this is the holiday where I'm gonna change them. Or I'm just gonna endure till I can get out of here.
Speaker 2:Because that's probably the most common. Instead, how can I love them? What is a tangible way to simply love them? I don't have to feel the pressure to change them, and I don't have to run away from them, but how can I love them and show them Christ? You mentioned when we were talking about this topic that traps in relationships can be new family members.
Speaker 1:Well, and you know what, on that, I think I would put that in the next big trap.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And that is the trap of nostalgia.
Speaker 2:Okay. Well then before we get to that one, loneliness.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's one last relational trap. I think that sometimes it's not a trap on its own, but it's relational. Sometimes Christmas can highlight how alone we feel. Maybe you're in a season of a loss of a relationship or maybe there's a expectation and hope and dream you had for a relationship and you look around and you feel very alone this season. How would you speak to that potential trap?
Speaker 2:Because it can take us to a very sad place.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I mean, if you're alone, and you don't have anybody for Christmas, in in the holiday season, there is a reality to that. That can be your reality. And it's a hard reality. It's a heartbreaking reality.
Speaker 1:And I think that before you hit that holiday, it'd be important to shore up what you believe about God, what you believe about your place in this world. I would say that you need to shore up, here's who I am in Christ. And even if I don't have other people in the room right now, maybe I'm a young adult and I'm living far away and I couldn't get back for Christmas. Or maybe my family of origin isn't a place I'd want to be for Christmas because dysfunctional, broken, or really toxic and unhealthy.
Speaker 2:Abusive.
Speaker 1:Abusive, yeah. And you find yourself alone. You're in a season, new city. There's a million applications. You're in the hospital, or you're, you know, there's just a million applications.
Speaker 1:This is an opportunity to know who you are in Christ. That Jesus, you are enough. And let this moment strengthen what you believe about Jesus. The second thing is I would just find a way to just get out from just being within yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that could mean find a way to serve something, serve somebody somehow.
Speaker 2:Well, great way is your church. Yes. Your church is an opportunity for relationships. And the fastest way to make relationships is to serve other people. And just to decide, okay, how can I be involved this Christmas season at my church?
Speaker 2:Where can I serve? What door could I knock on to be a part of what the body of Christ is doing? And you just might be surprised that there may be some others you meet who are in a similar situation and God would encourage each other. He would encourage you one another through that connection. Nostalgia.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:The trap of nostalgia will
Speaker 2:And hit us
Speaker 1:is being willing you gotta be willing to change and do new things. And this is where, you know, we talked about the relationships change of new people. We're experiencing this. Our daughter got married. All of sudden we have a new person.
Speaker 2:We love him so much.
Speaker 1:Love him so much. But sometimes that can jam some people because Christmas begins to change.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:It's no longer just these four siblings, and there's a fifth person over here, and maybe one of the siblings can really struggle with that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You can take it personally. Another thing about nostalgia is just even within the family of origin, people grow, personalities change, people mature, or maybe they should mature and they haven't, and all of a sudden your nostalgic expectation isn't being met. Or your sister got married and can't be at every little thing.
Speaker 2:Or
Speaker 1:this year they're gonna be out of the state for and so to celebrate Christmas, have to do it a different day. All of these are some of those challenges that fight nostalgia. And the biggest thing I'd say about nostalgia, I'm not a big fan of nostalgia.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm waiting, biding my time to talk about this.
Speaker 1:I am not a fan of nostalgia. I am a fan of remembering. I'm a fan of celebrating what God did in the past, but I am so geared to go forward. And let's do new things, and let's grow, let's be open to what God has right around the corner. And let's celebrate that season when they were little and they wore the pajamas with the feet, the slick feet in them.
Speaker 1:Let's celebrate all that, but gotta move on.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, this is a thing in our marriage, everyone. Sometimes, I just wanna wallow for a minute.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well
Speaker 2:I wanna watch
Speaker 1:I think that's the problem.
Speaker 2:The videos of them when they were a little bitty
Speaker 1:I did too. I love that.
Speaker 2:While I eat a pint of ice cream.
Speaker 1:Okay. Now we ventured into
Speaker 2:I the said I want to but I'm not No, going but I think there's truth to that. And it's funny though, in our marriage we do laugh because and I'm trying to think of example, maybe you can think of one of extremes where you not only don't like nostalgia, but I mean, like, you will cut off.
Speaker 1:I don't
Speaker 2:know. Know. There's funny things. Don't know. We just have this ongoing discussion.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I'm just not a fan of this. I think nostalgia, I can relate it, not Christmas, but I can relate it to church life in a blink, but just like, Hey, you know what? Oh, here's an example within family life, and that is I've always led us to have, and one of the mottos I have in parenting, celebrate the season that they're in.
Speaker 2:That's really good.
Speaker 1:If you only see them as little babies and all of that, you know, it'll jam you. You gotta celebrate the season that they're in. And don't be so discontent standing in front of these young adults or big teenagers or whatever. If nostalgia will cause you, you're always missing, Oh, I really miss the baby phase. Oh, I really miss the toddler phase.
Speaker 1:Oh, I really miss the teenage phase. You can always be nostalgic, but what you don't remember is you were praying to get out of that stage. Every single stage.
Speaker 2:Oh, there were hard parts in each season.
Speaker 1:The hard part in these, oh, if we could just get out of the diapers. Oh, if I'm just wasn't chasing them around, I could trust that they wouldn't just, you know, just burn their hand on the stove.
Speaker 2:Blow the house up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly. Oh, these teenage years are driving me crazy. If we could just be friends and be young adults, and then when they are young adults, oh, I just wish when they were little infants that I could hold them. It's just you're constantly chasing infinity. And so it's an infinity of discontent.
Speaker 2:I think the bottom line is you're healthier than me.
Speaker 1:No. It's good to remember, and you helped me with that. It's to remember. It's good to celebrate the past when you have time to remember, but then let's go forward.
Speaker 2:You really are right. And what you're saying is so true. And I think that the other extreme of that would be to not celebrate moments, to not remember or to not
Speaker 1:Have no family core memories.
Speaker 2:Yes. To not enjoy looking back or sharing family stories or maybe having zero traditions. I mean, I think that would be an extreme reaction against nostalgia. But there is something to the trap of nostalgia that it's erecting an idol. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Really. It's erecting an idolatry of family. And I think that honestly segues right into the next one, the number seven.
Speaker 1:Grieving.
Speaker 2:The trap of grieving. Because grieving is a reality at Christmas. I mean, the reality is some of us are looking around the table at our holiday dinner, and there's a space there where someone's missing.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Someone's not present. And that can be a wide spectrum of loss. It could be a wayward child. It could be a family dysfunction. It could be divorce, and it could be a death.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. There's so many different reasons, And that's real pain. And that's real heartache. And grieving is a reality in this life, and it's not something that we can just work around. We have to go through it, but there is a trap.
Speaker 2:There is a danger in the grief. And the Bible says that for Christ followers, we are people who grieve with hope. That unbelievers grieve without hope. And so as we grieve as believers at at the season, we wanna grieve with hope. That means that, yes, we will we will cry.
Speaker 2:We will acknowledge the pain, but we will hold on and cling to the hope we have in Christ that we are passing through this life. This isn't even our home, that there is a future for us that God has promised and that Jesus how has he blessed me in the here and now? Right? But the danger of grief, and it can be nostalgia, where you're wishing for what once was, even if you wish your kids were little again, that it's turning into this place where we're lifting something to a place it wasn't meant to be. It's without hope.
Speaker 1:Well, there we have it. We have seven toxic traps for Christmas that if you'll handle up on that business, if you will lock it down, it will help you. It will help you as you take these one by one. In the end, first Peter four:eight says, Continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. And we pray that you would have the love of the season that comes from the savior Yes.
Speaker 1:This Christmas. Thanks for being with us on the overflow. We'll see you next time.