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Get the clarity you need on the hottest topics in health and wellness with Second Opinion. Hosted by Rosemarie Beltz, this podcast brings you fresh perspectives from experts, innovators, and disruptors tackling life-changing issues. Each episode unpacks the latest research, debunks the hype, and delivers insights to help you make informed decisions. If you're ready for engaging, enlightening, and occasionally unexpected takes on health and wellness, tune in and discover your second opinion.
Rosemarie - 00:00:04:
Welcome to Second Opinion. I'm Rosemarie. If you've ever wanted a Second Opinion on some of the hottest topics in medicine, health, and wellness, you're in the right place. Each episode, I sit down with experts, innovators, and even a few disruptors to bring you fresh perspectives on the issues that could change your life from age rejuvenation and brain health to the weight loss drug revolution and how to reinvent your career. Together, we'll dig into the latest research, question what's hype and what's real, and give you the insight you need to make your own choices about health and wellness. So if you're ready for a Second Opinion that's engaging, enlightening, and maybe even a little unexpected, let's get started. Today, I'm talking with Tara Marino about reviving your relationships and embracing new beginnings in midlife. Tara is the founder of Elegant Femme, an eight-figure global brand dedicated to supporting women as they awaken the truth of their feminine soul. Tara, thank you so much for being here today.
Tara - 00:01:11:
You're so welcome. I'm so happy to be here.
Rosemarie - 00:01:14:
So as we segue into the interview, I just want to tell you, my team wrote up like a beautiful bio about you and your background. But what I decided to do is I'm going to pull that into the first question, and I'm going to give you the opportunity to talk a little bit about your own personal experiences and how that really shaped your mission to support women.
Tara - 00:01:37:
So for me, it's a really personal story, which I think at the heart of a lot of businesses is where it starts. It was a very authentic unfolding. I, as you know, I lost my firstborn son when he was an infant, and that really was the impetus to my company. It wasn't some huge brainstorm marketing idea of how do I change the world or how do I have impact? Although. As a young girl, I always felt like I was here to do something really special, but I didn't have any idea what that was. And so when my firstborn son passed away, there was this, as every one of us I know has experienced, this defining moment of feeling cracked open in life of where do I go? I didn't know who I was. Yes, I was supposed to be a mom, but it was more than that. I felt a loss of complete identity. I felt completely broken. I felt worthless. I hated my body. I hated life. I hated God. I just was filled with... Despair doesn't even quite get it. And it was from that space inside that everything inside of elegant femme was created. This deep desire to heal myself, to honor a deeper devotion in my life of was I going to allow that experience to break me, to bring me into a state of numbness, or was I going to choose that moment to live? And it wasn't a quick and easy choice. I mean, it sounds really poetic now as I say it, but it wasn't that clear and conscious, you know, it was a year of, and I've been very open about this. It was a year of Xanax and red wine and whatever I could do to even fall asleep at night. And it was about a year after that I did, I was on the floor screaming, crying, why me? And I heard this beautiful voice say, stop asking why and start asking how. And it was in that how that I chose a different response. And through that unknowingly created the company that I have today. But it was really from that space of choosing inside of me of how I was going to respond to life. Yeah. Here we are. Here we are, almost 24 years later.
Rosemarie - 00:03:55:
Right. Well, you say that, you know, here we are and just listening to yourself. And through that, I know you've, with the loss of your son and the creating of elegant femme, there were so many other things that you did within the business as well, whether it was going back to school or just getting your master's in spiritual psychology, creating a fashion line. And I know you're in the process of writing a book that's been near and dear to you for almost a decade. And all of this leading to really listening to yourself and responding differently. So I just wanted to share all that. So it's been quite a journey for you over the last 20 years. And through a lot of that, you talk about... Awakening the feminine soul and listening to your, you know, God and yourself. So for you, how can women, say if they're listening to this and they're like feeling a little bit lost. How can they tap into that power of the feminine soul, especially in midlife and as we age? I mean, I think a lot of people sometimes, too, how to do that or also feeling like maybe it's too late for them. But just give me some scoop of just, you know, like I said, kind of awakening that superpower or that, you know, inner voice.
Tara - 00:05:26:
Yeah, I think one of the big opportunities for women, especially at any age, but I definitely want to talk about the midlife piece for sure, but really at any age is for us to choose all of who we are in any given moment. We're so used to compartmentalizing ourselves. We're so used to performing and showing up differently in different situations and circumstances. Who does this person want me to be? Who am I as a wife? Who am I as a mother? What is expected of me in the business world? And we unknowingly, unconsciously kind of chip away at the wholeness of who we are and don't gift ourselves permission to experience and express all of who we are. So when I look through the lens of elegant femme from the very beginning, it was that level of permission of I am going to be all of who I am. I'm going to be the designer. I'm going to be the author. I'm going to be the businesswoman. I'm going to be the mother. I'm going to be the wife. I'm going to gift myself permission for it all. And I think what starts to happen in midlife, a little bit in my experience is we really do have this moment of reawakening, rebirth, recommitment, redevotional to ourselves. Because some of those roles start to change. And it's very easy to say, okay, well then who am I without that compartmentalization? Who am I without being a mom, a full-time mom, right? My second, my baby left for college a few days ago. No one else, no boys are in the house anymore except Dave, which is not really the same. So it's that permission again, can I be all of me? And this is the foundation of Elegant Femme. As you know, the femme types, the Frenchie, the Indian, the New Yorker. This is this empowering opportunity of looking through. How we're showing up in our lives. Are we showing up with the fullness of our being? Are we really expanding our capacity to receive consistently? Are we showing up in the fullness of our enjoyment? Like, are we gifting ourselves permission to know what pleases us? And are we showing up in the allowing of the aligned action? Like this, this is the power of three that I teach. This is the power. This is the permission. This is what. I believe was so relatable to women in the very beginning with Elegant Femme of, oh my gosh, I'm missing that aspect of me. So like, I don't have my indie. I don't have my Frenchie. I don't have my New Yorker. I'm not gifting myself permission to experience all of me. And so this midlife opportunity is that like It's so beautiful how it's all created and sometimes can feel so challenging and so difficult. But as we're in this midlife stage, there is this natural turning back of a reflection of, wait a minute. How do I want to live? Like me right now, how do I want to live? How do I want to express all of who I am? And Who am I being? What am I enjoying? And what am I allowing in my life is a beautiful way to feel that alignment of permission for the fullness of the expression of who we are. So that's how I see it. That's how I, live it, and that's how I desire to experience it.
Rosemarie - 00:08:32:
Well, I feel like what I love about how you coach women, and even a lot of my friends, actually, I'm like, I don't know. I just feel like I'm getting started. Even my friends that are my age, I'm like, do you feel any more like an adult because you have children? They're like, no. I'm like, okay, great. But I think what's great about the time we're in now is that this whole midlife has a modern twist. Like 30 years ago, we'd be like out to, like I'd be done. Well, first of all, I don't have children and I'm not married. So I'd be really, you know, and women, it's like, oh, your purpose, you know, you've lived your purpose and that's it. Right. And then it's, you know, onto grandparenthood or, you know, grandmother. So I think now too, what I think is so beautiful about the way you're talking about this is just like, no, it's not, you know, it's more of a, what you said about a reinvention, like a rediscovering time of your life. And instead of this, you know, empty, and we'll talk, like, get more into the emptiness, but just, like, now we're empty, meaning, like, there's nothing left, right? Where it's now, but now there's just space, which is a nice way to look at it for reinvention. And so with that, now going into the piece of, you know, you talked about women personally. So how can they embrace this phase? Or you can talk about how can this lead to now not only stronger relationships with themselves, as you suggested, but also with other people, like, say, reviving a marriage.
Tara - 00:10:08:
Yeah, I think this is really, I want to go back to something you said, because I do think it's really important. Whatever, everything that I'm sharing isn't just relatable if you're a mom or if you're a mom. I mean, this is a really important part of the conversation. If you are and you've had that experience of emptiness or you're moving through that, you know, that's something I can personally relate to. But you don't have to have that because what you're bringing to the conversation is so important that any identity that we have been attached to, any. And when I say attached, attached doesn't need to be a bad thing. But wherever we've been in our life up until that point, there's an opportunity for renewal, for resurgence, for a reflection of how do I want to live my life from here? And there is this beautiful feeling inside of I'm just getting started. Like, wait a minute. Like whatever space, whether it's kids that have left the house or a job that, you know, you've outgrown or it's this beautiful opportunity of wisdom at this point in our lives. To really identify what it is we want. And the question you're asking in that, the how of that. I think now more than ever. And I mean, it's always been important. And I'd love to know what you think about this, but at this midlife point, boundaries now more than ever, more than ever. Like I had this video go viral that I did 12 years ago, and I just did a part two of it. It's like over 600,000 views and crazy, crazy, crazy. And one of the comments is, gosh, you've changed. Like you're really, you've evolved. And it's really, some of them aren't nice, but that's what happens when you're on YouTube, right?
Rosemarie - 00:11:48:
So is everyone's an expert when they're sitting at home in their pajamas.
Tara - 00:11:53:
Oh, this I know, all along. But what I wanted to say about that is this. This confidence that we can feel as we grow older to create boundaries for ourselves, to stop apologizing, to stop feeling like we need to show up for everybody else in our life. This real rooted wisdom. And to not be spiky about it, but to also not apologize for our own self-expression. And that's what I find so freaking powerful. About this point in time in my own life personally it really is this like ignition and like I've been talking about turning up the dial on the intensity, not from a pressure cooker standpoint, from a real like expansive of like, I know who I am and I'm excited for more.
Rosemarie - 00:12:40:
No. I couldn't agree more. So it's so funny. So I was recapping my year and just life where I'm at and talking about boundaries. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm finding it very easy to have boundaries anymore. I don't know if it's because we've been through, well, maybe some people listening might not feel the same way, but I'm just talking from my own personal experience, whether it's just working, you've been through enough, but I'm finding that I'm like, I'm getting a little slippid. I need to like... I'm just very clear about, no, it's not working. I need some space. You'll hear from me. So I've been where maybe some other women listening are having a difficult time transitioning. But I don't know. It seems like a lot of my friends are like, nope, not working. I don't know if it's because we've been through a lot, whether you're married or single, but you're like very clear, like that didn't work for me. I'm going to try this approach now, you know?
Tara - 00:13:36:
And I think that's important too, in this conversation that you get to this point to be willing to change. Like the things that you wanted before, you might not want anymore. The things that served you before, the things that you really were excited about that you couldn't wait for, maybe you've brought them into your life or maybe you haven't. But again, going back to the gifting yourself permission to change, to change your mind, to change your vision, to change what it is that's pleasing you, what's calling you, what it is you want to experience, where you want to live. There's this real... I think beautiful awareness as we get older that we're not going to be here forever. And we all know that, but we don't live that way. And I'm not talking about living in a space of scarcity or urgency. I'm talking about a real grounded, profound expression of, no, I don't know how long I'm going to be here. And so I'm going to play full out.
Rosemarie - 00:14:29:
Yeah. No mortality for sure. It's like, I'm not going to be here. The people that are near and dear to me are not going to be here. And so, you know, that weighs on me. I think our backgrounds in the sense of how we grew up, you know, to be very grateful, that is pretty much in our DNA and be thankful. But then though, as you get older, you know, like growing up, saying your prayers or whatever you do, your ritual is to be, you know, you're grateful for your family, your friends. But as you get older, it weighs more. You're like, hey God, thanks. Like everyone made it through today. You know. Like. Thanks, it's truly from a place of, you know, I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. And even like older people, but even people, my own peers, I just lost a friend. And it was like, whoa, you know. So it's just. Life, you know? So yeah, for sure. Absolutely. And with that, with... Ourselves and you know, permission and all these beautiful things that come along with aging boundaries and so forth. So how can women... Who are maybe navigating this time, who are going through changes, whether they're, you know, married or in a relationship, how maybe some... Ways that they can navigate. Where their own personal growth and relationships. So a lot, I know too, is a lot of women, we, I don't want to speak for everybody, but just saying where they're navigating their personal growth and relationships without losing themselves. So maybe if there's other people, does that make sense, that question?
Tara - 00:16:18:
Yeah. I think that it's a beautiful opportunity in our lives to look at, like, how can I honor more of who I am and what it is that's being called through me? I think that. One of this, it's so, it can be so simple. That's why you hear a little bit of hesitation because the ego wants like this grand like secret of how can I reconnect with myself? And it's really comes down to, and I think this is something that as we grow older as well, I don't know if you've found this, but really honoring the wisdom of simplicity.
Rosemarie - 00:16:53:
Yes.
Tara - 00:16:54:
Spending time every day, I call on the bookends of my day, in the morning and at night. Asking, you know, like we have a process called the Femme Flow List inside of elegant femme. But if a woman is finding this inside of herself where she feels separate from herself, whether it's in, and it always starts internally and then it shows up in the relationship, right? That's really important for us all to recognize. It's not like, I feel distant in my relationship. What do I do there? It's always here. Always, always. And again, back to simplicity. We all know this, but we don't always honor it. So really simply. First of all, gifting ourselves the awareness of, okay, I'm feeling distant. Can we admit that to ourselves? Right. If that's the truth, because that in of itself is a huge thing. Often we're so afraid to even admit that, God, I'm not quite aligned. Things aren't feeling quite good because we're afraid that we're going to then have to respond to that. We're afraid we're going to have to do something about it. So all of our stuff starts to come up before we even gift ourselves permission to say. Something's out of alignment. So first, is something out of alignment in your life? Like really, truly, can you be honest with yourself about that? Is there a place that's not working? Are you feeling not aligned, not close, whether it's spirituality, relationships inside of yourself, your own inner wisdom, truth? Body, whatever it might be, be honest.
Rosemarie - 00:18:09:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:18:10:
And then every single morning, wake up, ask yourself, who do I require to be today? What do I want to enjoy? And what's the one thing I'm here to allow? And set your intention. Don't pick up your phone. Spend five minutes in the morning with yourself in five minutes. Before you go to bed with yourself. And when I say with yourself, I am speaking. Your higher self, your wisdom, your soul, God? What is it that you're wanting to set forward inside of your life before you go to bed? Can you devote 10 minutes to yourself every day? And any one of us that says we don't have time to do that is not devoted to the first question of, am I actually out of alignment? Because all of us can, all of us can. And you don't have to be out of alignment to honor that kind of process. But if you are devoted as a woman to deeper levels of growth and experience and expression, then to me. It's a requirement to spend a minimum of 10 minutes a day inside of ourselves asking. So that's a simple bookend process that we do inside of elegant femme that, I mean, women within 14 days see a change in their lives in honoring themselves that way.
Rosemarie - 00:19:19:
Well, right. And you say something in a lot of your teaching and coaching, which I always found very helpful. It's just like your life, a beautiful life begins with a beautiful day and a beautiful day can begin with a beautiful morning. And how important that is, whether you're in a relationship or not, even if you have a very demanding job, you might not have kids, but you might have a very, very demanding schedule. So that 10 or 30 minutes in the morning, it might be the only time. This is the way I feel. It's the only time I can control of my day. And after that, all hell can break loose. But that time in the morning, it's worth getting up to have that time to yourself.
Tara - 00:20:03:
It's so true. And again, going back to the simplicity of it, what you're saying, a beautiful life starts with a day, which starts with a beautiful morning. It has a compounding effect. And it's so easy for us to be like, oh my God, I'm so far from where I want to be. Right? Whatever dream, whatever vision you might have for your life, you might feel so far away. So we have this tendency to focus on so much on the future. Like, how do I get there? How do I create that thing? How do I create that beautiful life? And we don't pull it back to like, okay, hold on a second. Right here, right now, I am creating a beautiful day. I'm creating a beautiful morning. I'm creating a beautiful moment. And can I gift myself permission to create the beautiful moment? And this is where we find ourselves increasing our capacity to receive pleasure, increasing our capacity to feel good. So many of us resist this. We can say, and yes, this is true. Life gets busy. I know you have been in places in your life and you probably still are that are incredibly demanding, whether you're working in the ER or you're- Right? There's a lot of spaces in life where we can exist, where it can be a very... Demanding, let's call it that, very demanding environment. And that being said, that time that is ours, if we... Don't honor the ability that we have to respond to that time. And to really recognize that we do have the power in that moment to create a beautiful moment. We sometimes distract ourselves with the busyness. And what's underneath the surface is that we actually don't trust ourselves to feel good. So if you find yourself moving through your life saying, I don't have the time. I can't take the time. I can't take the time. And you're addicted to the busy cycle. Just take a look inside and see, is it distracting me from actually allowing myself to feel good? Am I more comfortable in the busyness? Am I more comfortable in the chaos? Am I more comfortable in the franticness? And have I become addicted to that versus taking a moment? A beautiful moment, the opportunity to create a beautiful moment, to reestablish and regulate really our nervous systems to feel good. To feel spacious, to feel beautiful, to feel powerful, to co-create the beautiful life that we want by slowing down and creating the beautiful day.
Rosemarie - 00:22:19:
Yeah. Well, too, and I think, like you said, with that, when people get caught up in the busyness, but it's just to keep it simple, just getting up, spending that time in the morning, and you might not even have to have a plan of what you're going to do with that time. Maybe just getting up in the beginning and just being by yourself and quiet with yourself, whether whatever you're drinking, coffee, tea, whatever you do in the morning, but just being by yourself, and listening and just hearing maybe. Okay, like that's just maybe step one, like not getting up and having this big ritual, but just getting up and just spending that alone time and really listening to yourself.
Tara - 00:22:59:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for me, you know, I'm all about beauty. So I'm all about creating beautiful.
Rosemarie - 00:23:05:
Me too. I have my exactly. And thanks to you. Thank you.
Tara - 00:23:10:
It doesn't need to be complicated. That's totally true. And I do feel that there is also this. I know I keep going back to it, but this permission, it's such an easy word to say, but for everybody listening, like, are you giving yourself permission to live the life that you want to live, really? Or are you caught up in the idea of the performing, of the delivery, of the expectation of others? And it does start in the morning. Whether, however you want to do it, whether you want to create a beautiful journaling session for yourself, whether you want to sit in silence, whatever it is for you, it does start with that devotional, that recommitment, that permission of this is my life. It's mine. It's mine. And I am the only one with spirits assistance that can co-create it the way that I desire. So we get to be super honest with ourselves. Is there any place in our life where we're buying into the illusion that it's somebody else's fault? Whether that's time or money or our spouse or our employer or our kids or God? Is there something else that we are using as a distraction or holding hostage? That's stopping us from living the life that we believe is stopping us from living the life that we want to live.
Rosemarie - 00:24:34:
So how you're ending that, I feel like I want to segue into, you talked about permission. I'm just going to go back to boundaries a little bit before we move on, because I think that's really important. Um, talking a little bit, okay? So we have that morning time, giving yourself permission, say maybe whether you're alone or with someone, but how can we then maybe use boundaries as that? And I know this could be a whole podcast on itself, just boundaries, but with that, maybe utilizing boundaries to kind of hold that sacred space. Because I know that might be difficult for some people. I know we express how it comes easier with time when you're practicing it, but maybe for somebody that this is new to them, maybe some tips about that. Or maybe like not being bothered in the morning. Maybe it's impossible for women to get that time in the morning or with their spouse or they're like, hey, I need this time in the morning. So if we could talk a little bit about that.
Tara - 00:25:36:
Yeah. And certainly like we go through different stages as women, right? If you are nursing a newborn right now or whatever the situation might be, and it feels like impossible, there absolutely are ways to honor boundaries. I think the biggest thing to talk about when it comes to boundaries and elegant femme, we talk about boundaries differently. And it was really life-changing for me to recognize that boundaries are not something that somebody else is supposed to uphold. The way that we're really taught boundaries, if we draw a boundary, we create a boundary, we tell the person the boundary. Like how many times have we said to ourselves like, oh, that person isn't respecting my boundary. That means the boundary isn't correct. The only person that can uphold a boundary is you. It's not up to anybody else. So a real boundary is something that we co-create, that we uphold, that we're in the power of responding to. It's not something that we create and we tell somebody else, are they adhering to our boundary or they better not cross our boundary or they has nothing to do with that at all. It's between us and us and us and us and us and us and that's it. So that's really important to see through the lens that when you're creating a boundary, we call them sensual boundaries inside of elegant femme, that you've created it in a way that you're the only one that can uphold it. Not my husband crossed my boundary. My mother-in-law crossed my boundary. My employer crossed my boundary. So that's number one. Once you recognize that, the real definition of a boundary comes from the place of self-loving discipline. And the meaning of discipline really comes from the root of the word disciple, which is to learn. So the way we talk about boundaries is learning how to love yourself. So it's not just like, okay, I need a boundary. Okay, I got to start drawing boundaries. It's like, well, slow this down. First of all, I need to create a boundary that is supporting me and loving myself. That changes the game of what the boundary even is. It's not, I have to deliver. Oh, I better make sure somebody doesn't cross it. It's this whole thing. Hold on. What boundary am I being called to create in my life that supports me in loving myself? And if the boundary you choose to create is I'm going to spend five minutes by myself every morning and you feel that inside of yourself, it's not a should, it's not a have to, it's not a supposed to, it's not Tara and Rose told me to. It's I'm creating this because I'm learning how to love myself. And that boundary feels congruent with me. That's number one. Then what are the aligned actions that are going to support this boundary? Okay, I'm going to have a conversation with my husband and I'm going to give him the baby. I'm going to not go upstairs. Until I've had my five minutes by myself, I'm going to like, I don't know what it is, create a sensual circle around the boundary that you're choosing to implement, that you are the one that can respond to, that you are the one that can do something about. But don't just choose any boundary, choose a boundary that's in alignment with you loving yourself more fully. That's what it really is. And that changes the game around boundaries completely. We know, we know what we need, we actually do, but we'll scoot around it like, no, maybe I need to scrub the toilets. Maybe I need to, I don't know. We come up with a whole bunch of things. What do you really need? That's what a boundary is.
Rosemarie - 00:28:56:
Well, thank you for that. That's a beautiful explanation. I'm sitting here taking it all in. I mean, I've heard it before from you, but just going over it, it's a good reminder. And what kind of popped while you were talking about that, what popped into it's like when, and I actually tell some of my friends this, I share what I learned from you, is that, when women are kind of, they're like apprehensive, like how someone's going to respond. I'm like, you know, I'll bring up, say somebody we mutually know, or say if it's like a colleague or a friend, I'll bring up like somebody who has very strong boundaries and I'll say, well, look at that person. Do you not respect them? I think people, you make a, you know, how people lovingly, they do respect people with boundaries. And I think when you show self-love in that way, that it's surprising the result that the response that you get from other people, it's not as abrasive. It's actually like, sure, they're, they're much more receptive than we think. We draw up this like whole thing where it's going to be much more awful than it actually is, where they, people will actually, if you tell them more than likely, we'll, we'll respond to that.
Tara - 00:30:05:
I love that you're saying that because one of the biggest fears that women have around setting boundaries is the fear of loss. Is I'm going to lose love. This person isn't going to like me anymore if I set this boundary for myself. And we've experienced that in the past. If we don't have a clear understanding of why we're setting the boundary, what we require inside, and if we're addicted to people-pleasing. If we have found our value and our self-worth based on, does this person like me? I'm doing things for this person. This person feels I feel needed by this person. If we've created a pattern in our lives where that's where we've found value and self-worth, it can be very hard initially to create a boundary because people might not like it. If they're used to seeing us a certain way, and if they're used to our energy being very porous, let's call it this.
Rosemarie - 00:30:53:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:30:53:
And we actually, I found out. Inside of myself that that particular response isn't congruent. And you're absolutely right. It comes from that place first inside, because women can make this mistake. They'll go to the other extreme of I'm setting a boundary and this is my boundary. And they get all spiky about it. And then they wonder why the response is like, oh, this boundary thing doesn't work. And then they swing to the other people pleasing. I'm either right, super rigid in my boundary and I'm making it like spiky or porous. And so then women just feel. Completely, a boundary feels foreign or it feels like it doesn't work. So if we come from that place inside of I'm doing it for me, and this is coming from a place of self-love and we share it from that space, it is oftentimes like you're saying astonishing how the response can be. But what's important for us also is that it might not be that way. People might not like it and that's okay. It's okay. It's okay to be misunderstood. It's okay if someone doesn't like you. It's okay if someone criticizes you. This was very uncomfortable for me in the beginning. I still don't like it. Let's be totally honest. When someone says something hurtful, it's not like, you know, we're not statues. It can still go in. But also that like beautiful place inside, which I do think, I don't know. I don't know if it comes with mid-age or if it's just where I am in my own journey that's taken me this long to recognize it. But to just be like, that's okay, Tara. It's okay if they don't like you. It's okay if they misunderstand you. It's okay. It's okay. I'm doing this. Like, what's the most loving thing I can do for myself? In this moment, that's also a boundary. These boundaries aren't just things we set externally and just wait for them. It's like, hold on, what is the most loving thing? I can do for myself in this moment.
Rosemarie - 00:32:44:
Yeah. And I know conversations with you in the past, like once you start... Living your life or from this point of your, you know, your soul led focus is that I know me personally as well is that, um, Once you start living this way, it's then very apparent how it's more hurtful to, or icky, or what's the word, but to live from a place of where you're rejecting your own needs as opposed to conceding to someone else's. You're like, well, that doesn't feel good. And I think that's a beautiful thing in midlife, too, where you're just like. Yeah, that never felt so good. I'm going to start honoring, you know, and you talk a little bit about in your coaching of self-rejection and how that's just much more apparent. Like as you get older, you're like, well, that never felt good. Why do I do that? And just living from a place where just really honoring yourself. Yeah. I just thought I'd bring that up, the whole self-rejection.
Tara - 00:33:47:
And I think you become, like you're saying, you become more aware when you start to like. Bleed into that temptation of like, oh my God, I was just willing to reject myself so that somebody else. Would be happy or would like me or it becomes. There's a bigger contrast inside of yourself over time. Like, no.
Rosemarie - 00:34:09:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:34:09:
And taking a risk, they might not like it. They might not like me, but I am not going to risk. Not liking myself or rejecting myself in the process. And you start to live that way.
Rosemarie - 00:34:19:
Yeah. I know we're talking about midlife and I do have a lot of other questions, but I also want to share with you, because I feel this is interesting. So being at work with colleagues, whether it's news or in medicine, a lot of younger women, what I love about this, they'll ask me things and it's like, you know, they're like, oh, I want to do this now so I can get it, you know, I can, I can do this now in my late twenties. And so by the time I'm your age, and I'm so flattered by that at first, I, it kind of changes. It's nice. It's not this midlife that they actually think it's, I have wisdom. I'm like, oh, this is like a nice, you know, and I'm inspired. But so if you're listening and you're thinking, I'm not at that point yet, whether you're, you know, in your forties or fifties and have daughters, you know, teaching them that, or they're younger, like this is applicable to all a, you know, no matter where we are in life. And honestly, I think in their twenties, I thought I was so old at 25, my life was over. Then I turned- I'm like, I'm so over. And then you look back, you're just like, oh my. It's just so funny. So I just really want to tip on to like, this is applicable no matter where you are.
Tara - 00:35:38:
I really like that you said that. I had a comment. It was probably, I don't know, maybe. Five or six months ago, a woman came actually from the Let Yourself Be Skinny video from YouTube, which is crazy. And she was really young. I think she's like 23. I can't remember. And she started taking elegant femme programs. And she's like now in the indie program, I think she just joined the Frenchie program. And she's like, I'm so hungry for this. Like exactly what you're saying. Like I'm a young woman. And I want this now. So I can live into this as I grow, as I expand. And I have so many clients that are teaching these kinds of concepts to their daughters, to their granddaughters. My son, I just, I gifted his girlfriend the Femme Float List. I mean, it's just like these beautiful conversations that where we are now, we do get to. Not from a place of, oh, we know it all, but place from like, this may help because I don't know that these conversations were as readily available. When I was in my twenties, you know, these conversations about, and maybe they were, but I just didn't see them or maybe. You know, we're all called to share our message in a unique way. And for me, bringing forward the beauty and the chicness and the luxury of the spiritual conversation is something that really appeals to me that at least from my awareness wasn't available when I was in my twenties. It felt like it was very, either very granola or very the other, you know, Chanel. And I'm like, let's get we- Can we merge these? Can we be both? Can we be the and? Can it be chic and spiritual and fashion forward and deep? Like, can we do that? So I think that's something that's also, at least in my experience right now, is really appealing too. The younger women as well.
Rosemarie - 00:37:20:
Yeah. And too, you know, the internet, however you feel about it, the beauty of it, of the globalization is that people are having access to this information where they couldn't, whether it was like, like you said, your upbringing or, you know, if I went to my mom, she would have been like, huh, first of all, we wouldn't have time for that. You know, it's like, depending on your age, a lot of families were just surviving basically and trying to get your kids up to school, good grades and things like that. So, so I'm with you. So the beauty of that is that women like that can reach out to you. And you know, it's also funny too. It's like, we're older than we were last week. I think I'm, I'm like, oh wow. Like I, you know, it's like, even when I started, I found you, which is crazy to believe how long ago it was, but it's like, it feels like yesterday, but like looking back at old things, it's like, so if you're watching this and you've, you know, like 60 or 70, I don't even look at, I don't even look at it. I don't even look at it. I don't even look at it. It's not what it used to be. There's like plenty of time to implement this into your life.
Tara - 00:38:21:
Completely. I absolutely agree.
Rosemarie - 00:38:24:
Yeah. So it's timeless. Even though we're talking a lot about midlife, we're ageless. It's timeless. So with that, you've coached so many women, like thousands of women over the last couple of decades. So maybe without kind of defying anybody's confidence with that, could you maybe share or give an example of somebody that you've maybe personally worked with or a situation that, um, that a woman that who's been, went through this transformation with you, that maybe just stands out to you in particular to inspire anybody? Without giving too many details, I know.
Tara - 00:39:04:
Oh my gosh, that's such a good question. Let me just feel that for a minute, because one of the things I find so beautiful about elegant femme is it's not just teaching like business or opt-in rates or like, oh, you know, kind of like conversions. It's really this whole lifestyle approach. I mean, women whose marriages have completely turned around. Who were on the brink of divorce, who were like literally calling me to how do I move through the divorce to having conversations about who they are in their own lives, who husbands then write me letters saying, thank you for saving our marriage. What happened to my wife to, you know, I was completely disconnected with my daughters, my daughter. You know, my daughter was on drugs. My daughter wasn't talking to me. My daughter had an eating disorder. And now we've completely healed our relationship. And, you know, can she join one of your programs? I mean, you know, women that were on the brink of bankruptcy who are now making millions of dollars. I mean, there's all of those stories. I mean. To me, the vein that comes in through every single story is this woman, what we talked about in the very beginning, this woman gifting herself permission. To live her own beautiful, solid life without apology. Every single woman who has said to herself, like, it's my turn, it's my time. I'm no longer buying into the idea of sacrifice. I'm willing to put myself first. I'm willing to let go of the illusion of loss. And have the real conversation inside of myself. Like, what is the way that I want to live? So, I mean, there's just so many bros. There's so, so many that, you know. Women that had such deep. I'm thinking of one right now who had such a deep, dark secret in her past. She was such in a place of punishment. She couldn't forgive herself for what she had been through. Who now is at a part of her life where she's left a multimillion dollar job, is writing a memoir, is making more millions than ever before because she gifted herself permission to forgive herself for what it is she experienced in the past and what it is she thought made her wrong. I mean... There's so many. Rose, there's so many. And I love every single one of them. I feel so. Blessed. I feel so, so blessed and so grateful to God and my soul for the commitment and the yes that I made and the relationships, the conversations. God, the moments, like seeing a woman say yes to herself. It's not just one breakthrough moment. It's that consistent commitment to her truth, to her devotion. There's nothing like that, seeing a woman. Live her life fully. There's nothing like it.
Rosemarie - 00:41:45:
No.
Tara - 00:41:46:
And what's the most incredible thing in the world?
Rosemarie - 00:41:49:
And what's kind of what's coming through as I'm listening to you is that for anybody listening, is that what I find to be beautiful, it's that it's all so empowering that we have so much more control. And I use the word control in a loose way, meaning like we can control our lives to a point in the sense of... I might not be able to. You know, whatever my influence is on this other person, but it's just taking those steps inward, how it's like, if you want to, if you want to transform your environment, you have, it goes inward first. Right. So it just, it kind of gives you your power back again.
Tara - 00:42:31:
I think this goes back to the very first question that you asked me, because that was a defining moment with me after Mason died. It was. I know the way that you're using control because in that way it was. I didn't have control. That my son passed away, but I did have control about the way that I was going to respond to it. And was I going to shut myself down or was I going to light myself up? Was I going to allow that situation in that circumstance? To empower me in a new way. And when I talk about any of the transformations that elegant femme clients have had over the years, it is in no way like. Oh, I did that. Oh, I. I really believe that the way that this has been so impactful and so powerful is that I'm constantly like, how can I do this for myself? How can I stand in that? I would never invite a client to do anything that I haven't deeply inside of myself looked at or transformed or said yes to. And that is why I really believe Elegant Femme has had this. The potency that it has in the world is it started from that first yes that was inside of me. I'm constantly looking at where can I say my next yes? And my clients, it's not, oh, Tara did that. That is not my transformation. It's completely theirs. They get to stand in that. I, if anything, can be a source of inspiration, a source of authenticity. And above all else, what I think I do, or represent for my clients is I just love them.
Rosemarie - 00:44:00:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:44:00:
That's it. I literally just love them. I literally, that's all. I love them. And inside of that, they see the space to love themselves. And that's their yes. That's the journey we're on together. That's the place we walk in grace.
Rosemarie - 00:44:17:
Wow. That was beautifully said. And I know it's very genuine too. Knowing you personally and having worked with you, I know that's a thousand, a million percent from the heart. So say if somebody's listening or watching. And they are, you know, maybe they don't have as... A support. Let's just say they're a little bit more alone. Or sometimes you can be in a group of friends and still feel alone if you're not kind of going through the same thing. Can you talk a little bit about the role of community and mentorship, how it plays in the process of this healing and self-discovery?
Tara - 00:45:00:
Yeah.
Rosemarie - 00:45:01:
The importance of that.
Tara - 00:45:03:
I think it's so important. I mean, we all, you know... We all have family and friends.
Rosemarie - 00:45:11:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:45:12:
We're not all, we're not always on the same page in the same space. And I will have a lot of women say to me, like, I, I can't, you know, my, my family can't relate my, you know, it's just not the same. And so I do feel like finding a community that. That you can relate to that feels That feels like... You, that you can have the conversations that you want to have. I have a lot of women say to me, like, I can't talk like this with anyone else in my life. Like it's just surface. We just go through the motions of, hi, how are you? How's the weather? Oh, let's complain about the stock market. Oh my gosh, gas prices are so high. And the women inside of elegant femme are like, oh, my God, like, can we talk about something real? So it's really important that you do find a community wherever it is. And there are a lot of free communities out there, right? Like we have the Women Living Fully Facebook community that's free. You know, there are a lot of like whatever it is for you. Find a place where you can. Show up as all of who you are, where you can share your dreams, your visions, where it's not going to be questioned or laughed at or told that that's not possible for you. You know, one of the greatest gifts I feel like we can give each other is to see ourselves in the fullness of our vision. You probably did this with me inside of Elegant Femme where, and the Elegant Femme community, the women that bond, that see each other like. Oh my God. It's the, it's the most beautiful thing. When a woman looks at another woman, she's like, I already see you there. Like, I don't have any of your own fears of loss or. Or, you know, limitation or scarcity, like you're there, I see you there. So that's the value of a community. That's the value of mentorship is to gift yourself the space to be able to show up as your authentic self. Not hold back your dreams or your visions. Any kind of mentor that's experiencing anything doesn't have to be word for word. Everything in that person's life is a reflection of what you want. But if someone has reached a level of financial success or lifestyle or something that it is you want to experience, that woman, again, doesn't have this. She knows it's possible. She doesn't have the same fears for you that you might have. So being in that environment automatically lifts your vibration of possibility. Right? To depose, anything is possible. Putting yourself in the environment of somebody who's already experienced it brings you into the vibrational frequency of, of course, that's possible for you. Of course it is. And we move out of competition. We move out of comparing and into a state of like, oh my God, yeah. Like, of course, I did it. You can do it. She did it. You can do it. Like. Let's go. Let's go. I think it's really, really, really important, to find a community that can. Honor you in that way to find other women, men, whatever it is you're looking for to elevate the conversation inside of you. Because when you forget and you will, because that's part of being here, you'll forget how beautiful you are. How strong you are, how powerful you are, how co-creative you are, how abundant you are. Have a place that can remind you.
Rosemarie - 00:48:19:
Yeah. And true, we have friends or in times in life where different mentors that serve us, right? Whether it's like you're in a young mom's group, right? So maybe we've out, you've, you know, not that you've outgrown, but that's no longer, you know, now you're looking for something else. You know, when you have, you know, you have like the play date thing or then kids grow up, right? And it's like, you've got these friends, your work friends, you know, these could be your... Well, I'll say Elegant Femme because I have my Elegant Femme friends. But, you know, but like you're saying, just find that group, whether that's speaking the same language.
Tara - 00:48:58:
Yeah, absolutely.
Rosemarie - 00:48:59:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:49:00:
Because it is like we all do feel alone sometimes.
Rosemarie - 00:49:04:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:49:05:
Part of the journey as well. I think it You know, I don't remember what point in my life I realized it, but I did realize it. And it felt like it was quite early. Like, oh, my God. I am on my own. Like my mom's. Not me, my dad's not me. Like, you know, there comes a certain point in your awareness as a soul having a human experience, and it's all up to you. It is all up to you. It's your life. And that can feel very, very lonely. And so being able to feel the confidence and the power that it's okay, it's my life, it's up to me and being able to lean into a community that reminds you. You're safe. You're okay. You're beautiful. You've got this. You can do it. Oh, I'm thinking of another one. You asked me that question. We had a woman in our creme de la femme. Oh my God. So we would do a cram project, if you remember. And this woman, we had women write books, all this. But this specific woman wanted to write a book. And she also wanted to be a fitness model. And she was way like. That's way, very, very, very far away. Very, very far away. And you met this woman.
Rosemarie - 00:50:07:
Yes.
Tara - 00:50:08:
And she did it and it took, you know, whatever time it took. And she won first place in a fitness competition. I don't even want to say she's, I think she's in her early sixties. This woman looks like she's 42.
Rosemarie - 00:50:20:
No, she's amazing.
Tara - 00:50:21:
She's freaking amazing. I love her so much. Witnessing her in this transformation because it was a physical transformation, but everything she moved through inside of herself to gift herself permission to show up that way. Breathtaking breath. And there's so many, there's so many of those.
Rosemarie - 00:50:40:
Yeah.
Tara - 00:50:40:
It's just like, you know, women leaving careers that they didn't want anymore. And, you know, I mean, there's just so, so many it's. It's such a turn on for me. It's just like. Rose, it's the best thing.
Rosemarie - 00:50:56:
I agree. And from all ages, but I will tap in because my current experience is being 50 something. But when you're around women like that and they're sharing, and again, not everybody's going to be so open to sharing, right? But you have those friends that you talk about other things that you don't want to talk about. But I'm finding even in my journalism, as I start talking about midlife and menopause and all these things, there's a lot more people you might be the one to prompt that conversation that maybe isn't there. Right. Yeah. So some things are taboo, but I'm finding the more we talk about it, the more about things that are, you know, we desire or what we feel called to do or changes we want to make. There's a lot more, chances are there's a lot more people wanting to talk about that. You just have to find them. You find your tribe, you know?
Tara - 00:51:50:
And that's why I love you're doing this too.
Rosemarie - 00:51:52:
Thanks.
Tara - 00:51:53:
I really, really do.
Rosemarie - 00:51:54:
I'm very excited. Thank you.
Tara - 00:51:56:
I really recognize you in doing this and honoring, you know, a deeper level of conversation and having a Second Opinion. And like you're saying. Talk about things that perhaps are taboo or perhaps in the past have been seen as right or wrong or black or white and bringing them to the table. I really, really appreciate it.
Rosemarie - 00:52:13:
Oh, well, thank you. And I think too, again, you know, you and your journey with elegant femme and me and journalism is just basically an outlet for my frustration. Frustration. Frustration from patients, colleagues, my own life. But when I was in the traditional news setting, I wasn't able to, right? I had to adhere to the boundaries of the network or whoever I was reporting for. And that's fine because they've got legal teams and things that they have to deal with. So that's understandable. But this platform, I hope to revisit some of the stories that I did or talk about the stories that I wasn't really, it wasn't newsworthy to them, what I felt was newsworthy. So I think a lot, what I'm doing is putting out information that I think people could benefit from. Yeah, to get the answers where they don't feel like so blocked off if they can't talk to someone and bring experts like you to talk about these things that I found helpful and things like that.
Tara - 00:53:13:
So thank you.
Rosemarie - 00:53:15:
I'm very excited. And we've got lots of opinions here. And with that, if you've enjoyed today's conversation, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review. It helps others to find this show. And if you have a topic you'd love for us to explore, drop us a note. We're always looking for new ideas. I'm Rosemarie Beltz. Until next time, take care of yourself, embrace your unique beauty, and remember, always get a Second Opinion.