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Calvary Baptist Church is a SBC church located in Dothan, Alabama with Sunday services at 10am and Midweek bible study Wednesdays at 6pm.
I was supposed to just about everybody in this room can think of a relationship that you
have right now that's not close to what it used to be.
Some offense took place, some betrayal, maybe some hurt, maybe some words were said that
can't be unsaid, maybe for some there was just one particular thing and one specific
moment that calls the relationship to come undone, maybe for others in this room it's
an accumulation of things just over time, just one thing piled on top of another after
another after another to it felt like the whole thing was just fractured.
And now is a Christian you're wondering this, what's my response now?
What's my responsibility in this?
For this relationship has come undone where there's real brokenness where there's real
hurt that remains what this being faithful to Jesus require of me as his child in this
moment.
The answer can't simply be this, we know I've been hurt, so I'm done, I'm out.
Nor is answer something so simplistic as well, I know we're supposed to just forgive
and forget.
The Bible actually calls this as something much deeper than that, something much better
than that.
The Bible calls us to do this where relationship has been broken where there's real hurt
and offense there.
We are to pursue as much as lies within us, peace, we're to make peace and we're to pursue
reconciliation.
We're to pursue reconciliation.
Jesus says this in Matthew chapter 5 verse 23 and 24.
He says if you're offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother
has something against you, leave your gifts there before the altar and go first, be
reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.
Jesus is connecting our relationship with the Father, with our relationship with one another.
We can't disconnect the two, we can't act as if everything is fine and our relationship
with God, with whom we are reconciled and Christ.
At the same time refuse to even attempt reconciliation with each other.
Jesus says you deal with this breach first and then you come and worship me.
In Matthew chapter 18 verse 15, Jesus addresses the person who has been sinned against.
Jesus, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him
alone.
If he listens to you, you've gained your brother.
If you catch the aim of that, the goal, the goal is to regain your brother, not just
to confront the sins, but to recover something here that's been lost.
The Scriptures also very realistic about what we are on our own able to accomplish.
We see this in Romans chapter 12 verse 18, if possible, so far as it depends on you,
live peaceably with all.
So, they're both sides of this command that we need to pay attention to.
If possible, well, that tells us that healing of a relationship, fixing things that are
broken, doesn't depend entirely on me, that takes two people.
If possible, but the statement so far as it depends on you, tells me that I'm responsible
for my part.
I can't do it all, but I am responsible for my part.
So we have these two truths you have to hold together when it comes this idea of reconciliation.
Reconciliation may not always be possible, but pursuing it is not optional.
I can't guarantee the results.
I can't, but I can choose to do this.
I can refuse to be the reason why reconciliation remains impossible.
I can choose to be refused to be the reason why that remains impossible.
Now, before going farther in this sermon, I was thinking through this so many times, I ran
this through my own filter just again and again this week.
And I thought about it through this lens.
Whenever you're talking about reconciliation, whenever you're talking about brokenness and
hurt and offenses, and that sort of thing, I think inevitably, if we're not careful, our
tendency is going to be to respond with, yeah, but, or what about, or but you don't know,
we may have so many reasons, or dare I say excuses, not to reconcile.
But we need to look at the pattern of Scripture, and we need to let that speak and the whole
experience speak to us about what we must do.
But before I go into this a little bit farther, I want to make an important distinction
for those qualifying this and thinking through this very thoughtfully about a situation in
your life.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are related things, but they are not the same thing.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are necessarily related, but they're not the same things.
Jesus said this in Luke 17, verse 3, he says, if your brother sends, review camp, and
if he repents, forgive him.
If he sends against you, review camp, and when he repents, then you forgive him.
The Bible does not teach that you must grant forgiveness to someone who remains unrepentant.
Doesn't mean that we're able to harbor bitterness, it's the meaning that we're allowed
to seek revenge.
We know that Scripture commands us to love, it commands us to pray for them, it commands
us to desire the good for them, to pursue peace as I already read from Romans chapter 12,
as far as it depends on us, and to remain genuinely ready to forgive.
That's a predisposition of the Christian heart.
That's an attitude that says, forgiveness is already begun in my heart before I'm granting
it in the relationship.
I'm standing at the readiness to forgive, not holding on to, not harboring this anger
to this resentfulness, but inward forgiveness is not the same thing as granting forgiveness
to the person who's wrong to you.
When repentance comes, though, I'm to extend the forgiveness that I have already received,
and that I've already been preparing my heart to give, but even so, when we talk about
this forgiveness, forgiveness isn't the same thing as reconciliation.
It's the necessary step towards it, but it's not the same.
Reconciliation is reconciliation.
Reconciliation is restoration, it's fixing what's broken, that may require confession or
restitution or change behavior, your rebuilt trust, willing for dissipation of both people
over time.
That's reality.
For forgiveness can be granted in a moment, but this process of reconciliation builds
and it grows, and we need to be careful what we mean by restoration.
When I say restoration, it doesn't mean that every relationship necessarily comes back
to the level of intimacy that it had before.
That's not what we're talking about here.
Christian love is commanded, but personal liking is not.
You may have some people who are just hard to be around, they're just just difficult people.
When the Bible says, love one another, it doesn't mean that you're going to enjoy every
Christian equally, it doesn't mean that you're going to seek the company of, it doesn't
mean you're going to hang out with the same way or personally be drawn to the same
in the same way.
The church, the body of Christ, is a family.
We're not just a collection of best friends, and dare I say those some may be listening
to this message today, there are some of my family members I don't like as much as some
of the others.
It's probably like you, listen, you may reach a place in a relationship with a Christian where
there's nothing left to resolve, there's nothing left to forgive, there is no bitterness
being held, there's no conflict left that remains, but still for there to be closeness
again, it's going to take time and trust and the mutual working this out and maybe necessary
boundaries will still remain.
To protect a heart that's been heard again and again and sometimes the wisest possible
relationship is a more distant one.
But even as I say that, I want you to think about how we might qualify that.
We shouldn't look at that distance as an excuse not to pursue the relationship.
We shouldn't look at that condition as a reason, this distance should only come about as
we're faithfully working at trying to restore, trying to fix and be careful that what
you might perceive as wisdom, I'm holding them nor is length, it's actually pride, it's
actually bitterness or anger or lack of a forgiving heart.
Now that brings us all back to the story we've been in for the last several weeks, a
filemmon and anesimus, filemmon and anesimus, their story helps us answer this question,
what does faithfulness to Christ require when a relationship has been, has been severed?
Listen to the text, this is verses 17 through 19 of filemmon.
All right, this, to filemmon, he says, so if you consider me your partner, receive
him as you would receive me.
If he's wronged you at all or owes you anything, charge that to my account.
I call, write this with my own hand, I will repay it to say nothing of your owing me, even
your own self.
Now listen, look where Paul starts.
He doesn't start with the situation that calls the conflict or the separation, he's
not talking about the offense first or the death that's owed, he begins with the relationship
that these two men share in Christ.
This is the most critical part of the whole equation here, because reconciliation between
believers is based on this, it's grounded in our shared identity.
This is a foundation of restoration between believers, he says, so if you consider me your
partner, receive him as you would receive me, that word partner, and I don't want to be
a Greek nerd, but I think it's important to draw a bridge for what we were a couple of weeks
ago, that word partner is coin and oaths in this passage, coin and oaths, what's Paul
saying to filemmon, coin and oaths, this sense of fellowship, this shared relationship we
have, he says, he says to filemmon, if you and I have coin and oaths together, we have
the shared thing, we have this gospel shape God give and Holy Spirit calls fellowship,
you and I are connected like this, if you and I are connected as brothers and sisters in Christ
or brothers, I don't know if sisters in this story, but you know what I mean, he says, if
you and I are connected as brothers, aren't you also then connected to honestness as a brother
to share that same fellowship with him, whatever, maybe true about your history, whatever
has passed, whatever he's done in Scripture is not specific here, it implies some things and
sinewate some things and wrongdoing, whatever else may exist in this story, this is the ultimate
reality, you two or brothers, it's reminder for us that when Christians are in conflict,
you can't let the conflict define the relationship, we can't let the conflict become primary,
when you think about that person, this is the person that did this, this is the person that said
this, this is the person that calls this, what's primary in the relationship for believers is always
this, it's Christ, it's Christ, he lied to me, she betrayed me, he hurt me, she said this, he did that,
those things can be true, but they're not ultimate, what's ultimate is this, that's my brother, that's
my sister, no listen, Scripture calls us as a blanket statement to pursue peace with everyone,
with everyone, we ought to be living as much as lies within us and peaceful relationships,
but when it comes to Christians, there's especially unique burden that remains for us,
it's unique among all the relationships, you and I, whatever has happened between us,
whatever's happened there, we still belong to the same Christ and we're members of the same family,
that's unique about Christians, we belong to him and we belong to each other,
now this shared identity, shared identity is a reason, it's a foundational reason to pursue
reconciliation, the primary calls, listen we're brothers and sisters in Christ, we have to live
differently, shared identity gives us a reason to pursue reconciliation, but it does it on its own,
remove the calls that made the restoration or reconciliation necessary, it doesn't deal with the
debts, it doesn't take away the wrong, and that's why I say this from verse 18, reconciliation
requires honesty about the wrong, reconciliation means facing it, he says, if he is wronged you at all
or owes you anything, Paul saying to an SMS, listen I'm not, I'm not saying that the debt disappears,
the message is not this, hey since you are brothers and in Christ, as you fellow believers, listen,
if whatever is happened doesn't matter anymore, we're just going to let that go, we're going to let that slide,
he doesn't do that, Paul's language allows for both the wrongdoing and the debt and also a response to it,
and he takes it seriously, listen don't confuse, don't confuse grace with just simply
moving on, forgetting about it, no, we won't give that a thought anymore,
biblical reconciliation deals honestly with what's in front of you that calls the issue,
real confession has to take place, there may be something to repay, there may be consequences
that are still in place, there may be issues that still have to be dealt with, forgiveness doesn't
require us to minimize that wrong, what forgiveness does instead pushes us towards reconciliation,
we don't minimize the wrong, we don't eliminate legitimate consequences nor do we immediately
restore trust, listen God may be calling you right now, to forgive someone who's genuinely hurt
you, while recognizing there are still consequences to it all, there's still a period of resolution
that's got to take place, trust it can be lost in a moment, it can take years to rebuild,
rebuild, some of us know that sort of pain, but none of that's contrary to grace,
none of that's contrary to grace, grace enables us to face the wrong honestly,
let's face it honestly, let's deal with what's in front of us while we're still pursuing
reconciliation, so Paul says, listen, whatever that dead is, and I can only guess not there,
by laying on, I'm not telling you just to eat this, forget about it, don't give it a thought,
it doesn't matter anymore, so let's deal with this honestly, let's face it, but once that wrong
is acknowledged, somebody still has to account for it, someone still has to bear the cost of it,
and that's where Paul goes next, he says this, he says in verse 18, the second part,
charge that to my account, I Paul write this with my own hand, I will repay it, this is my guarantee
to you, I'll cover it, reconciliation always involves a cost, it always involves a cost,
something has to be done now, let's see, doesn't tell a file name, and you guys just work it out,
he says, put this on my debt, put this on my ledger, I'm going to pay for it, I'll take the obligation
for it, I'll bear the responsibility of it, why? Because reconciliation is rarely cost free,
it's rarely cost free for the offender, for the person who's created a herd of the situation,
reconciliation may cost to your pride as you humble yourself, and seek the forgiveness of someone,
and reconciliation will mean confession, it may mean making restitution, it may mean dealing with
the consequences of it all, it may mean being patient towards the other person, while they process
what's happened and allow for healing to take place, for the offended person, there's always a
cost too, the offended person means bearing the pain of what was done to them, it means giving up the
right to get even, it means canceling the debt that they feel is owed to them, it may mean exposing
themselves even the future hurt from the same person, there's a cost to be paid, and then for Paul
in this situation, this person playing this role of mediator, of peacemaker, who stepped into the
phrase, it's going to cost him his time, his effort, his inconvenience, his energy, and now some tangible
resources, their prices to be paid all along, and this is where reconciliation most often breaks
down, this is where it hits the wall, because no person involved in the conflict is willing to pay
a cost, no person involved is willing to do what it takes to get there, you're pride may be keeping
you from confessing, from acknowledging, your ego may be holding you back, on the other side,
maybe your bitterness, your anger even, maybe keeping you from canceling that debt,
sometimes we become more committed to holding on to the hurt, feeling like it's our right
to do so, then we are committed to pursuing peace, this is where this pass is challenges us,
but here's the truth, unless someone is willing to bear the cost, reconciliation remains impossible,
it remains impossible, what cost are you willing to bear up, what are you willing to pay to see
this done, what steps are you willing to take, what grace are you willing to give, what mercy are
you willing to show, what cost you willing to pay, but Paul's not finished with this, with this
theology of restoration yet, before he gets to the, before he gets to the subject of what he
asks a filem into do, specifically, he challenges filing into remember something,
and this is a challenge for every single believer in this room when it comes to conflict,
Christian reconciliation, for all of us, it flows from a far greater reconciliation,
you probably already knew or had a sense that this is where this sermon was going to go,
you think about the things that we have sung about this morning, things we have affirmed,
Christian reconciliation has that its headwaters, a far greater reconciliation than any
this ever going to take place between two people, this is what Paul writes in the verse 19,
he says to say, nothing of your owing me even your own self, it's like Paul takes that
ledger of debt and he flips a whole thing around, turns it's on his head, he says, you know,
honest with us may owe you filemen, I get that, but filemen you owe me,
what we see in the text pretty clearly is implicit in the text that Paul was very instrumental
in the salvation story of filemen, that by God's mercy and providence, the crossing of those two paths
and Paul's obedience is faithfulness to share the good news of what Jesus is and how you respond
him in faith or filemen heard that message, he responded to it and now he's a believer and he says to
filemen now, here's the debt that you owe even your own self, if you would read this in the new
living translation, sometimes it captures things with a particular punch and the NLT says it this way
and I won't mention that you owe me your very soul, and of course Paul does mention it,
I'm not going to say, but let me say, here's the debt that you owe. Listen, he's not saying that
of Nesimus' debt towards filemen doesn't matter, he's going to pay that. What he is saying is this,
filemen before you think about, what's owed to you? Let me remind you of what you've received.
Before you just continue to weigh in on, perseverate on, all the hurt and all the offense,
let me change your perspective for a moment. As a Christian, can I get you to start thinking about
what you've received first? Now listen, we had to be careful with this text here, I get it. Paul's
talking about this earthly debt, he's talking about a real situation here, Paul's not Christ,
this is not an allegory of the atonement, but for anybody who's a Christian, you can see that
theme just underwrite the whole story here. He's reminded filemen that there's a new reality in
play here. The reality is this new relationship that O'Nesimus has with Christ and now therefore
has with us, it changes the way we relate to one another, it's difficult, he says to filemen,
how can you think about who you are on Christ and what you've received from him? Through my hand,
but by God's grace, how do you send the foot of the cross being thankful for what God has done for you
and how he's forgiven your debts? How he is showered upon you grace after grace, after grace?
How do you do that at the same time and deny grace forgiveness or mercy to somebody else?
How do you do that? So this is the heart of it, filemen, you and I, we pursue reconciliation,
we pursue restoration, we pursue peace because we ourselves have been reconciled.
As I said earlier, whenever you're talking about this subject,
I get it, it's full of pitfalls. It's full about, yeah, but some what about, since I already said,
you may have a hundred reasons why you don't want to pursue this, why you don't think you can,
why this doesn't fit or match your particular situation. But you have one over arching
one over riding reason to do so if you're Christian because you've been reconciled at God.
You've been reconciled to God. Listen, this all points to one person. It's Christ, our reconciler.
Here's a passage I think. Many of us are familiar with, to read it off and one of them is a
it's a guiding verse for us as a church and who we are as a people what God has called us to be.
We find it in 2 Corinthians chapter 5 verses 18 through 21.
Then in verse 18, God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation
that is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them
and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ.
God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
For our sake, He made Him to be sin who knew no sin so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
It's pretty clear, isn't it? Our reconciliation to the Father, Creator, the sovereign King,
the judge of all, our reconciliation to Him came at a cost and Christ bore that cost.
Christ bore it. He doesn't overlook sin, doesn't condemn sin. He doesn't just forgive and forget sin.
Sin is addressed. Sin is named, sin is a tone for it's paid for on the cross. Jesus was treated
as if he were the worst of sinners so that we could be treated as if we were the Son of God.
This is what He does for us. He reconciled us at an extraordinary cost.
We get this here. If this is moving down to here, then what cost are we willing to bear
in order to reconcile with someone else? What should be willing to do? This is a radical reconciliation.
I get it. After all that He's done, now you're asking me to receive Him.
Onesimus, though, for His sake, gives all the earmarks of genuine repentance. He's coming back. He's
facing it. He's dealing with it. Paul is not calling for filename and forgive something or someone.
This unrepentant. He's saying, here it is. Here's the brokenness. He's facing it. He's dealing with it.
What will you do now? In all the basis, all the foundation of it is this Christ. Christ. Christ
our reconciler. Listen, just a few moments. We're going to share at the Lord's table together.
Of course, it's not exactly as they did in the time of Christ, but we remember that meal that
Jesus had with His disciples. We remember the purpose of that meal. That commemorative meal.
Do this in remembrance of Me is all centered around the theme of reconciliation.
Of being made right with one who has the right to judge. The one who has the record of our debts,
our charges. And who places the record, our debts, our charges on the ledger of Christ.
And for those who by faith who put their trust in that work, that good work of Christ, if we give
us reconciliation with the Father. So the inherent premise of the Lord's table is this.
This is what Christ has done. And this is what Christ has achieved. Because one day we'll
sit at the table with Him again forever and forever and all eternity enjoying all of His goodness
because we've been reconciled.