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Unashamed Unafraid is a show dedicated to being unashamed about sexual addiction recovery and unafraid of coming unto Christ for healing. Pornography and sexual addiction are not something you are stuck with to manage your whole life. We share real stories of recovery, the best resources, information from experts, and answer anonymous questions with those who know. All to help you on the path of being 100% healed from pornography and sexual addiction.
Sam: Welcome to another
episode of Unashamed, Unafraid.
We are unashamed of sexual
addiction recovery and unafraid
of coming unto Christ for healing.
He got it right!
Woohoo!
I did get it right.
I always mess that up.
This is part two two part series.
The first part was unashamed
of sexual addiction recovery.
The second part being unafraid of
coming unto Christ for healing.
I know this is going to be a
tearjerker, , because God has been a
huge part of my story , here we go.
When I found out that the God that I
believed in was not judgmental , but
kind and loving and forgiving and
relentless in his pursuit of me.
Everything started to change.
I know where I was.
Chris was standing right
next to me, actually.
He was at Warrior Heart Boot Camp.
And I prayed and , I said things to
God that I had never said before.
Something inside of me opened up
that had never been opened before.
And I can trace almost every good thing
in my recovery back to that moment.
where I finally learned, just in
a moment, and , I've had moments
where I've forgotten since then, but
when I learned how Jesus actually
felt about me, everything changed.
James: Amen.
Sam: We could end the episode.
James: Chris is like, ditto.
I'd say ditto.
Right?
Sam: Yeah.
James: Coming unto Christ for
healing, and we have an episode
about this the first Step of that
is learning who God really is.
Sam: Yeah,
James: and what God's really
like because I think shame
Secrecy silence and judgment.
I think a lot of the time we believe
in our shame That God is super
judgmental of us in our actions
in our acting out actions And so
Sam: Adams transactional
James: Right And that because he's
judging us for what we did, that now
somehow that judgment has caused him now
to withdraw his love or to love us less
Sam: or punish us.
James: Or yeah.
Sam: That's how I, I would see it.
James: Right.
Yeah.
Yep.
That now God is going to have to
punish me or make my life worse
in order to teach me a lesson.
Right.
All of these Essentially, mortal, flawed
ways of discipline that our parents
or that we observe in the world that
we're like, that is not who God is.
God's ways Are higher than man's ways.
And this is why I think we're
often the beginning afraid to
come unto Christ for healing.
And even when we.
I think we aren't, we still are.
Sam: Yeah, that's, that's
certainly been true of my story.
One piece of this that's really
interesting is that all three of
us, I'm sure we would all say this,
none of us ever became unafraid of
coming unto Christ for the healing
that had to take place until we were
in a situation, in an environment
where it was safe enough to do so.
Not that you have to wait tell the
circumstances are right But you have to
create circumstances where you can open
up with the vulnerability you can find
the stillness and reflect and journal
and understand and it's some sort of
environment where You can connect with
the divine the outer world is still
enough that, he can go inside of your
heart and show you how he actually feels.
Yeah,
James, you're thinking deep
thoughts right now, man.
James: Well.
Oh, oh
Sam: wait.
James: Maybe.
Sometimes not.
Sam: Like processing?
James: Yeah.
I'm just listening to what you say.
But yeah, I mean, you have to get to
a safe enough experience, I guess,
to experience Christ safely, right?
, But that's the thing is a lot of the
time, shame will keep you from actually
recognizing a safe environment as safe.
Sam: Yeah,
James: that's true.
Because you've got your shame goggles on.
Sam: That's so true.
Yeah.
James: I grew up in the
same congregation as a kid.
Yeah.
I moved away for 10 years.
I moved back into the same neighborhood
and now still go to the same congregation.
Many of the same people,
same leaders, all that.
Well, guess how different church is
now that my shame goggles are off.
Sam: Quite a bit different, man.
James: As a kid, I'm like, man,
my church was super shaming.
They were all blah, blah, blah.
Now I go back and I'm like, man,
these are really great leaders.
Man, so loving.
Sam: Huh.
Well, shame comes into the
story that we tell ourselves.
James: Totally.
To my point.
Sam: Right.
James: That's exactly my point.
I had my shame goggles on and I
thought that they were shaming me.
Sam: Yeah.
James: But guess who was shaming me?
Sam: You.
James: Yeah, me or, Satan in
my head or like just the shame
goggles, right, that I had on.
Sam: Yeah.
And you would say that shame
produced the fear that kept you from
coming to Christ for the healing
needed?
Oh, absolutely.
Of course.
Yeah.
James: Yeah.
Sam: Yeah, that's how it kept me
from knowing His love and really
truly understanding how loved I was.
Because I'm like, I don't deserve
it, so why would I go to Him?
Because He hates me anyway.
James: Yeah.
So there's part one.
Sam: Yeah.
James: Part two.
Why are you still afraid to
come into Christ for healing?
Sam: Why am I still
afraid ? Uh huh.
I didn't know I was.
James: I have watched you be afraid in
areas of your life where you're still
afraid to go into Christ for healing.
That's what I'm talking about.
So what in our lives keeps us afraid?
Of coming into Christ
for some deeper healing.
Last three, five years, Chris, we've
been on a journey and I've watched you.
Sam: Oh, my financial stuff.
James: Bingo.
There's one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But as you look at those moments,
like what, what are some of those
factors that maybe really caused
you to be still, uh, you were,
Sam: cause that, that was
where I felt like shame, right?
It was my shame.
I've talked about on the
podcast I was super excited.
I've listened to this marketing
stuff and that I was going to.
Get this amazing program.
It was a 10, 000 buy in for this
program and it was going to be awesome.
And I didn't tell autumn about it.
Pay 10 grand
James: red flag.
Number one,
Sam: didn't
James: tell autumn about
Sam: it.
Didn't say anything to him.
Cause I was like, Oh, I'll just hurry
up, make the money back, pay it off.
She won't know
James: red flag.
Number two, negotiating
with your addiction.
Sam: And my shame kept me from telling her
James: Red flag number
three keeping secrets
Sam: For over a year it was a year
and a year in Like two months before
I actually disclosed it to her and it
wasn't because I disclosed it to her It
was because I Stephen was talking to her.
He and James knew about it.
They were down in the thing and
there, Stephen mentioned it and I just
James: passing
Sam: and just in passing.
And she was like, excuse me,
what are you talking about?
And she called me and that
literally almost ended my marriage.
I had to check myself again
and be like, holy shit.
, I'm struggling here and, disclose
everything to Autumn about it.
And then in my shame came to James, I
don't know what the hell I'm doing, man.
And I don't know how to get out.
And he walked us through
and he fathered me in that.
What was that conversation like with
God?
god just helped me get out of this.
Helped me like, go to whoever I need
to, and James like just showed up in it.
I mean James and Stephen knew about
it before, but, they didn't know that
I hadn't talked to my wife about it.
Right?
And, uh, just, just going to God
and be like, I just need to figure
out who can father me in all this.
And James, like, just shows up.
He's like, I'll, I'll walk with you in it.
Just loving me.
Like, that's, what's cool about
being, when we, we go to God in
those places and we take off those
shame goggles, then we can see.
God's work and how we show he puts
people in our lives to be able to help
walk us through what we need and if
we're living in those shame goggles,
we're not gonna see that as a gift
from God or we're not gonna see that as
Something that we need if I was still
living in shame, I would have discounted
James and been like no, dude I'm good.
I'm good, man.
I'll figure this out on my own
But All this stuff.
I'm like, I've refused
to do this all on my own.
So I'm like, Nope, I'm going to somebody.
James: Thanks, Chris.
That was awesome.
Sam: So how do you,
James: were you afraid to
come into Christ for healing?
Your turn,
Sam: dude.
I was so close.
I was
so, I was so close.
To getting away with asking
you guys another question.
James: You're not.
It's okay.
I'm next.
Sam: I was going to say that's okay.
He's not getting out of it either.
James: I'm next.
It's
Sam: alright.
Ask, ask your question again.
James: Sam, where Do you
find yourself still afraid to
come unto Christ for healing?
Sam: This is shameful to admit.
Which is exactly the reason why
I'm going to talk about it openly.
I reached a point after so many years
of going to therapy, digging things
out, doing things that were hard for me,
that I couldn't believe that there
was more that I needed healing from.
I was tired of it, and it was easier
to just kind of sink back into the
old way because I had gotten to
a point where it was manageable.
Yeah.
That's what I'm looking out for you.
Yeah, exactly.
Totally.
If I'm only
relapsing every few weeks or every few
months, if I'm only feeling just a little
bit of shame or a medium amount, That's
still much better than anything I've ever
experienced, so , I can take it easy, and
The lie is that I will return to God
again to clean things up someday.
When you're totally sober.
When I'm totally sober.
When it's convenient.
When it's time.
That's what has kept me afraid
of coming to Christ for healing
the last year of my life.
, When you're finally out of the
ditch, sometimes it's easier to
just like, put the shovel down
and lay down and take a nap.
And that's exactly what I've done.
I forgot that I had to get back home.
And If any of you want a perfect depiction
of exactly what you're talking about in
the chosen , it's season one episode four
when Peter is goes out fishing right all
night Because he's he just goes out with
his buddies and they go out fishing.
They don't catch anything.
They come on onto the shore and Christ
Asked him to to throw it over, right?
They get all the fish and then if you
watch this episode This is like so
important to, to go in and rewatch this,
or you can just watch the clip on YouTube,
but you see Peter run off the bow of
the boat and drops to his knees, and he
hangs his head in shame, and he's like,
he even says, I am not worthy of you,
you're, you're the man, and
he's like, I am, and he's like,
I'm not worthy of, of you.
And Christ says, look at me.
And he looks up at him, and
he says, what do you want?
And Christ doesn't just stand over
him like he's this supreme being.
He drops to his knees
and gets in his face.
And he says, follow me.
But what I love about that is he doesn't
say, hey, Peter, when you stop doing the
things you're doing, then come follow me.
When you start praying to me
more, then come follow me.
When you stop your addiction,
then come follow me.
He doesn't say that.
He just says, Hey, I'm here I see
you, all your sins and all the
things that you've got going on.
I see you.
And I just want you to follow me
because I know your heart.
And I love you even everything
that you've got going on I
still love you gives your mind
That's what coming unto Christ looks
like Coming into him for healing not
when we get better And we've stopped
the addiction or we stopped whatever we
got going on now, we just can go to him
and he can Be there because he can be
the one that can help remove it from us
Sometimes we think that once our
behavior changes God will love us
but actually Once we realize how much
God loves us our behavior changes.
Yeah Love that
It's a quote for my good buddy
Matt Hyde shout out to Matt.
Peace out Matt.
Love you, brother
James: Alright, my turn.
You're both looking at me.
Alright.
We're
Sam: going back to James.
James: I'm feeling really
smooshed right now.
You know what keeps me afraid
of going to Christ for healing?
I'm afraid of his answer.
Sam: Mm.
James: Cuz I'm afraid he's gonna ask
me to do something I don't wanna do.
Sam: Yeah.
James: He's gonna ask me to
do something I'm afraid to do.
He's going to ask me
to sacrifice something.
You mean, if I want to lose weight,
I can't just have soda and a burger
and fries every day for lunch?
I don't like that answer.
That's a sucky answer.
Can you give me a different answer?
That's what will keep me from doing it.
Right there.
I'm afraid of the answer.
That I might have to do something
hard that I don't want to do.
Make a sacrifice.
Sam: Disclose.
James: Disclose something.
You mean I have to be
accountable for this?
You mean I have to, like,
make healthy choices?
I kind of like my unhealthy ones.
Those are easier, it seems.
You know, even though
they're not really, right?
Sam: Yeah.
James: In the moment, it seems like that.
Are you sure that's the answer, God?
I don't like that answer.
You got an easier one?
That one's gonna be hard.
That one's gonna be really uncomfortable.
Sam: Let's try this again, God.
Let me ask it a different way.
James: Right, right.
I'm gonna lead, you follow.
So, for sure, that's what keeps me
afraid of coming unto Christ for healing.
Cuz I mean like another way of saying it
is like I kind of don't want the healing
yet that's kind of what I'm saying, right?
Sam: Yeah Yeah
James: That's Tough to admit and look at
within myself of like, oh, maybe I just
like This sin or this weakness or this?
Unhealthiness in my life
a little too much still
Or, you know, just, just
doing that's too hard.
I just don't want to do that.
That, for sure, that keeps me from
doing a lot of things, I think.
Sam: Hmm.
So, James, about a year ago, we
had a Live Unashamed episode where
you talked about a couple things
you felt like you had to change in
recovery in order to get fully sober.
James: Mm hmm.
Sam: And?
Number one was, , I need
to take care of my body.
James: Mm hmm.
Sam: Number two was, I need
to start being accountable.
James: Mm hmm.
Sam: Those may have been different
episodes, but those were two
commitments that you made.
It's been almost a year later, and you
James: It's been over a year, I think.
Sam: Yeah.
James: I guess you could go check.
You'd be the man.
Sam: Sure, yeah.
Somewhere in that range, I mean, a
year or more, and you're killing it.
We made those commitments, and
I made commitments that day too.
I'm not sure how well I'm doing on those.
But, you are like, so different.
You've dropped 50 pounds, you're
more accountable than you've ever
been, you're more sober than you've
ever been, at least in recovery.
And, you're a different person.
So.
Yeah, I don't want to invite myself
into that kind of a commitment as
well along with you guys and talk
about what I'm going to work on.
I feel like I'm finally at a pivot
point where I'm done coasting.
This is what I want to do.
And I'm going to commit to this.
I want to spend time to be
still with God every single day.
Rather than just avoiding it
because , I'm afraid of the
hard work that's yet to come.
I'm going to honestly
consider what my needs are.
I'm going to honestly
consider how my day has gone.
And I'm going to go to God and I'm
going to have a conversation with
him about it every single day.
Because I've never done
that in my whole life.
And it is keeping me from recovering.
It's keeping me from coming
unto Christ for healing.
That's my commitment.
James: To what end?
Sam: I want to know Him.
It's about what I want to feel.
And I know it when I feel it.
You're not going to have a warrior heart
experience every single day, but it's the
way I felt when I was a warrior heart.
I knew he was with me.
I knew he loved me.
And those feelings, spiritual feelings
of calm, peace, they've been distant.
I haven't felt them.
I want to do that so that I can invite,
I can invite that kind of an experience.
That kind of a spirit.
James: So,
Sam: back into
James: my life.
To deepen your relationship with Him.
Sam: Yeah.
What's cool about that, dude, is when
you experience God that way every day,
and you're connecting with Him on that
level, you start to discover who you are.
Yeah.
So that when those temptations come up,
you're like, it's actually not part of me.
It's not even there.
I'm not an addict.
I'm a son of God.
Because you're experiencing
it over and over again.
So the change that you'll
experience is an identity change.
And that's what is just
beautiful to experience.
I've experienced it.
James has experienced it.
Yeah,
and we get to watch you experience it.
That's the next step for me.
James: Do you want to
accelerate the process?
Sam: Yeah.
James: As you spend time with him,
do the second half that I'm telling, like,
that I'm saying that keeps me going, like,
I want to spend time with you, get to
know you, but I'll do whatever you say.
If you want to accelerate
the whole process.
That's scary.
Boy, that's,
, Sam: that is unafraid
of coming unto Christ.
Dude, that, imagine the
identity transformation.
Like the person I could become in one
year, if that was my goal in life.
Yep.
James: Yeah, I'm just telling you,
from a dude who's been doing recovery
now for 14 years, and it's gone slow.
Do you want to know why it went slow?
I just told you.
Cause I'm afraid of the answer.
Sam: Yeah.
James: So if you just want to go in and
like, you need to spend time with God
and be like, just who are you first?
Cause I actually don't trust you yet.
So I'm clearly, I'm not going to do
what you say when I feel it or sense it.
Cause I just don't trust you yet.
Sure.
Go on that journey.
But if you think he's trustworthy.
Go in with the intention not only
to just feel him, but to obey him.
Sam: Well, challenge accepted, Mr.
James.
Heck yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna do that.
I'm excited to have an episode
in six months where I talk about
what that experience was like.
Anything you guys feel
prompted, I'm excited.
To commit to going forward.
James: I'm already on part of the journey
that I just challenged you to , this is
why i'm like Um, frankly, I guess I feel
like I should have figured it out by now
being as old as I freaking am but That's
why i'm like, let me just Fast track it
for you so you don't have to be 50 before
you realize it But it's the same I want
to do the same thing Sam like that's
and I've already kind of picked that up
for myself But now that I'm saying it
out loud to somebody besides myself and
God now crap now I got to do it, right?
Sam: Yeah
James: So, yeah, I'm
I'll do the same thing,
Sam: For me, as fear sets in, as I feel
it coming in, because fear will still
come in and try to wreak havoc in my life.
And when that, that fear comes in, I'll
be unafraid of coming to Christ for him.
I'm going to go to him first.
Yeah.
James: Love that.
Sam: Guys, thanks for watching.
Uh, I'm excited to be held
accountable to this episode.
I say excited because It's
James: got this number down.
Sam: We're going to
James: reference
Sam: this is probably like
episode 210 or something.
We'll see how it lands.
James: Go ahead and put this
in your journal, or in your
calendar for six months from now.
Yeah, I know.
Sam: I'm going to get a bunch
of emails that are going to
be like, Bro, how you doing?
Thank you, though.
Thanks for standing in these
intimate, vulnerable moments with us.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being a part of
the Unashamed, Unafraid team.
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listening, you're one of us.
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media at Unashamed, Unafraid.
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