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We believe everyone has the right to love their food and feel proud of how they choose to eat. Join the coaches at Confident Eaters as they share their insights and advice to ditch diet culture and step into your power. They've guided thousands of people out of emotional eating, compulsive overeating, and stressful relationships with food. With science based tools and inspiration, what awaits you? Body confidence, food freedom, and joyful ease with eating.
Why We Don't Talk Much About Willpower
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Georgie: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Confident Eaters Podcast, where you get proven methods to end overeating, emotional eating, and stressing about food. We are heading for harmony between your body, food and feelings, hosted by me, Georgie Fear, and my team at Confident Eaters.
Christina: A client said to me recently, why don't you ever talk about willpower on the podcast? And I had to really stop and think about it. If you were to ask a general audience what they need to meet their goals, including weight loss or eating for better health, I bet half or more will say willpower. Other top answers will be time and energy.
In case you're curious, I know Georgie has done research along this vein, so today's show explores the question, where does willpower fit into conversations about weight loss? I'm Christina and Georgie and I are excited to dive into this topic with you today. So Georgie, why is it that we don't generally promote using willpower as a weight management strategy? The people want to know.
Georgie: The people wanna know. Well, the first reason why is that willpower is limited. Your ability to control your impulses can only go so far amid temptations. In particular, when you add in fatigue, emotional or physical pain, that reserve of willpower can dry up like a puddle in the desert sun. Early research on a concept of ego depletion said that willpower runs out like fuel, with every self controlling decision. Newer evidence is mixed and reveals that self-control is much more complex, depending on beliefs, incentives, fatigue, stress, and context. It's not as simple as it runs out. But I think it's safe to say, we all [00:02:00] know willpower is not infinite, and all of us know what it's like to experience a failure of self-control. So for eating decisions, which you need to make dozens of times a day for years on end, willpower alone isn't an adequate tool for the job. Relying on willpower to maintain healthy habits is like using only newspapers to build a campfire. While technically, yeah, newspapers a fuel, it's not enough to burn brightly for an extended period of time. Second, a large proportion of people maintain this personal belief that they have no willpower, either as a permanent feature of their personality or in an acute contextual sense. As in I have no willpower around wheat fins. Similar to the fact that most people would describe themselves as a better than average driver when discussing their eating habits.
Many people say they don't have any willpower or that they have very little. So if you believe that about yourself, whether it's true or not, and you continually hear from experts that you need to use willpower to make better food choices, it can feel like, well, great! I'm outta luck then. Or worse, what's wrong with me? If the answer is so simple, why haven't I had success? Thirdly, willpower has a negative connotation. It's a word that brings to mind, struggle, exertion, a putting forth of effort, and holding yourself back from something potentially fun or pleasant. It doesn't sound like a thrill. It's not exciting or enticing. How to build up your willpower has about as much appeal as how to be a stick in the mud. All of that to say not many people want to hear another podcast or article about willpower. is sitting in some corner along with the words diet and restriction as decidedly unpopular ideas in 2025.
Christina: So if we can move [00:04:00] past the word and think more about the concept, being able to choose options that move you closer to your goals, despite temptations- sure does sound good, and it is absolutely a part of the skillset needed to lose weight. So we often use the word choice. Choice feels more empowering because everyone can typically agree that they're actually making their own choices about food.
Another word we can and do use is self-control. Check out the episode of Breaking Up with Binge Eating titled What Happened To My Self-Control. It's actually one of my favorite episodes, so if you have 16 minutes, we recommend it. One important point that I wanna make is that self-control lapses are normal.
Don't be overly hard on yourself for being human. The package deal that is humanity includes sometimes putting your foot in your mouth, making a lousy judgment call or experiencing your self-control pull a magical, disappearing act. Instead of berating yourself when you give into temptation, look at it as valuable feedback.
Perhaps the setting was one you could have and in retrospect should have avoided, such as ending up home alone with five leftover containers of ice cream after your son's birthday party. Often we find our clients so-called willpower lapses occur in situations which are stacked heavily against them, which they can try to take steps to avoid walking into in the future.
Georgie: Another reason that we don't want you to be hard on yourself is that often the regrettable eating incident was just one of many things that you're going through at that moment. Perhaps someone you loved was ill, or you just got disappointing news or you were trying to survive a migraine or chronic pain day. And all that can remain unmentioned, if we just start talking about your [00:06:00] eating. So if we look at that four o'clock Chips Ahoy incident in isolation, it might seem ridiculous. But when we consider your mental and emotional state that preceded the eating, we create more room for compassion. You aren't dumb or silly or weak for eating cookies. You're a human being who is having a very hard time just trying to get through the day without assaulting anyone or crying in public. So let's look at managing that whole state, not just trying and failing to become some mythical willpower machine. In the episode, Christina previously mentioned what happened to my self-control. I go deeper into the personal aspects of self-control, why some of us have more of it or appear to have more of it than others, and some ways that you can increase your own self-control. I won't echo all that same content here, but instead, I wanna take the perspective of looking at all the factors around us that impact our ability to make choices in line with our long-term goals. Modern society, western cultures in particular place an emphasis on individuality. We value personal responsibility. Independent achievement and we share a worldview which is predominantly self-centered. know that sounds judgmental, but to be clear, I'm just as much a part of this as anybody listening. And in a worldview where everything is about me, it can feel as though personal change is the only valid type. Take the booming self-help market, for example. There's a book on how to change yourself in every imaginable way. And while that is valuable, I also want to remind people, consider the world around you. The household you live in, the food landscape of your workplace, and the demands of your job and schedule will all impact how [00:08:00] much self-control you need to consistently eat a healthy diet. And where possible engineering your environment to require less willpower is a faster and more effective method than working to increase your own capacity for self-control.
Christina: One of the most commonly overlooked resources to help immediately improve the amount of self-control you have is other people. Together we can do so much more than we can do alone. Athletes know that they find another gear when they're surrounded by their teammates and coaches.
A gear that never feels accessible when you're doing a workout solo. Having a friend who meets you every week to go to church, art class or yoga will increase your attendance more than any fancy alarm clock or reminder set up. So if you feel like you need a little extra willpower in certain situations, ask yourself, is there any possible way I can go into this situation not alone even some of the time? This is true for me personally too 'cause, about a year ago, or I guess in January, I joined a women's group that goes walking and it's quite cold here in Poland. But one of my goals was to spend more time outside and the way I was able to stay very consistent with walking was because I knew these other ladies were going every single week we were meeting up there. But like thinking back, I'm not sure I would've been doing that very much if I weren't meeting them and like finding a park together and having a coffee afterwards. Like it definitely, I can personally say makes a huge difference in my life.
Georgie: Oh, a hundred percent. I'm a member of a cross country ski team, and then I have friends that I meet regularly with to hike in the summer. And those preexisting arrangements, it's so easy to be like, ugh. I don't feel like it. I'm tired. I want extra sleep. I could do this instead. But yeah, having other people just [00:10:00] makes me not debate it.
I just get up and go.
Christina: Right, you can also examine your environment and do an honest assessment of which choices are easiest. Is your gym really far away but you joined it because it costs $10 less a month.
This is an actual example from my client who was like, I'm never getting to the gym and, once he found a gym closer, it was like just that simple shift. He had this. You know, much easier Time was a lot more convenient and I think it was, yeah, not a huge difference in cost, but it made the big difference for him and actually getting there.
Another example might be, are there fast food ordering apps on your phone? Would it be better to just delete them off your phone? When you walk into the kitchen, can you see food out on the counters? Even just like having that put away can make a big difference. And what types of foods you might have out on the counter can also influence, like are you trying to encourage yourself to eat more of the foods that are on display or are you trying to eat less of them?
Georgie: Right. Is it a fruit bowl or is it like the Easter basket?
Christina: exactly.
Georgie: What's out on the counters? Making the healthy options easier, faster, or more convenient, helps you make consistently good decisions, regardless of your personal state at that moment. In fact, when your life feels frustrating, unfair, and exhausting, you can count on yourself to turn toward the easiest options. If you stock your fridge with food, you can plate and eat quickly, even if it's reasonably healthy but not perfect.
You're probably better off than ending up ordering takeout. Think of the particular food items that in your experience have bulldozed your efforts at self-control. Maybe it's pumpkin spice lattes or the zebra cakes shaped like Christmas trees. Or your favorite candy bar, singing your name as you innocently try to check out at Walmart. [00:12:00] Making these items less convenient can ease the challenge of resisting their charms. Maybe you take a different route home so you don't drive right past that Starbucks that keeps catching you in its tractor beam. Or you purchase your groceries online and pick them up at the curb so you don't have to face that gauntlet of candy at the checkout. I encourage you to try these things, not because you are powerless. It's not that you can't be trusted within an arm's reach of a Snickers. Do these things because you're wise enough to know how to make your own life a little easier, and because your goals are important enough that you're willing to make small changes for them.
Christina: We also like to have our clients practice delaying gratification. This is a way to develop personal self-control, but it also has a lot to do with our surroundings. To comfortably say, I don't need to have that right now. I'm okay to wait a bit. It really helps to know with certainty that the item will still be available in the future.
So reminding yourself that the world around you is abundant with food, including all the kinds you love, is one way to practice a worldview that strengthens your self-control or willpower. Call it what you want to. Tasty food isn't going anywhere. You aren't going back on a diet, so it won't be off limits, and you're allowed to eat anything. In this context, you'll be better able to decide if you actually want something rather than consuming it out of impulse.
Georgie: Our last tip for this episode is to increase your use of positive reinforcement. That's when you commend yourself, give yourself some praise and a nod of approval for each time you use your self-control or willpower successfully. We've mentioned this frequently on the podcast, but I feel like that's warranted because every time I ask someone in real life if they know what positive reinforcement is and if they're using it, I almost always get a no to [00:14:00] either or both of my questions. Positive reinforcement sounds like good job walking the extra steps instead of taking the shortcut. Or, I saw that! Well done. Stopping eating before you were stuffed or go me eating my vegetables. Don't worry about other imperfections that may have also been part of your choices. Just notice and highlight the positives so that they have a chance to make you feel good and grow. If you ignore these positive highlights like houseplant, they might not ever grow. Think of yourself as an athlete, one who is training your self control by the day. Imagine, you are working it like a muscle and it's growing stronger. Plus you want to avoid straining it or overworking it. You don't expose it to constant bombardment with tantalizing bait. You don't force it into maximal efforts every single meal or every time you walk into your kitchen. This leads to greater consistency and fewer incidents of your self-control giving way.
Christina: You never know, someone passing you on the sidewalk might be like, Hey, nice willpower. But even if they don't, you will reap rewards, like being able to lose weight, get fitter and being your best self without straining or feeling resentful. In case you didn't take notes, here are six bullet points from this episode that you can use to decrease reliance on your willpower alone and help you beef it up over time.
First, use other people so you aren't alone in moments that challenge your willpower. Make the choices you want to choose more often highly accessible and very convenient. Make the temptations less convenient and harder to get to. Reduce your exposure to tricky foods, including their sight, smell, and proximity.
Practice an abundance mindset to help you delay gratification with [00:16:00] more ease. And give yourself lots of positive reinforcement after every successful choice, no matter how small it seems, or how many oops moments that happened before or after it.
Georgie: Thank you so much for listening to Confident Eaters. Send us a note if you enjoy the show. We'd love to hear your thoughts, and it's really nice just to know somebody real is listening to this content we work so hard on creating. If you could use a hand personally or want to send me hate mail, direct it to georgiefear@gmail.com.
See you soon.