Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Happening in Upland is your weekly rundown of what’s going on around town—local news, community events, public safety updates, new restaurants, development, weather, schools, and the stuff Upland residents actually talk about.
Delivered with humor, honesty, and a very local point of view, this isn’t stiff broadcast news. It’s real, relevant information with personality. If you live in Upland or anywhere nearby in the Inland Empire, this is your weekly shortcut to staying in the loop.
MARK: Welcome to 'Happening in Upland', the only podcast dedicated to the 'City of Gracious Living' that actually acknowledges the graciousness is mostly just people not honking for the first three seconds after a light turns green. It's Monday, February 9th, 2026, and I'm your host Mark, coming to you with the same composed, slightly dead inside energy you've come to expect from a man who's spent the last twenty minutes trying to navigate the clusterfuck that is the 10 freeway. I'm joined as always by Joleen, who I'm convinced is powered entirely by spite and overpriced iced coffee from downtown.
JOLEEN: Hey everyone, it's Joleen, and Mark's right, the coffee is overpriced but it's the only thing keeping me from screaming into the void every time I see a new 'For Sale' sign on a house that looks like a glorified garden shed for nine hundred thousand dollars. We've got a lot to cover today, including why the high school is getting a fancy new field while the rest of our suspension is being murdered by Foothill Boulevard. If you've got complaints, or if you just want to tell Mark his haircut is a goddamn disaster, hit us up at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com. Don't forget to like and subscribe, or don't, I'm not your mother, but it would really help us keep the lights on in this sweatbox of a studio.
MARK: Let's kick things off with the top headlines, because apparently, the city is actually doing things besides just existing. The big news this week is that the Upland Unified School District is finally getting ready to show off that fancy-ass renovated athletic field at Upland High. They've got a ribbon-cutting ceremony scheduled for Wednesday, February 18th at 3 p.m., which is a great time for anyone who doesn't have a real job to go and watch people cut a piece of giant fabric. It's got new artificial turf, a high-tech scoreboard, and a sound system that's probably loud enough to annoy every neighbor within a three-mile radius.
JOLEEN: God, I love that for them. Nothing says 'education first' like a high-tech scoreboard while the textbooks are probably still from the era when Pluto was a planet. But seriously, the field looks decent, and apparently, it was funded by 'generous community donors', which is just code for 'people with more money than sense who want their name on a plaque'. It's supposed to foster school spirit and promote healthy living, but let's be real, it's mostly just a better place for the Highlanders to crush the souls of visiting teams. I hope that new sound system plays something better than just 'Seven Nation Army' on repeat, because that's a special kind of hell.
MARK: In other city news, the Winter 2026 'Upland Today' magazine just dropped, and it's basically a victory lap for Mayor Bill Velto. He's claiming crime is down and police response times have improved, which is great if you're currently being robbed and only have to wait four minutes instead of six. He also mentioned that the Foothill Pavement Rehabilitation and Utility Improvements Project is officially moving into the construction phase. That's a 13.2 million dollar project that's going to turn your commute into a literal obstacle course for the next few months. But hey, he's 'filled with optimism', so I guess we should all just ignore the orange cones and be happy.
JOLEEN: Optimism is a hell of a drug, Mark. I'll believe the crime is down when people stop stealing the catalytic converters off my car like they're collecting Pokémon cards. Speaking of crime, let's jump into the police reports, because Upland never fails to provide some grade-A stupidity. There was a recent arrest that really highlights the 'family values' of our fine city. A man was caught shoplifting with his stepson. I mean, what a great bonding experience. 'Hey kid, forget the baseball game, let's go boost some power tools and see if we can outrun a guy in a blue shirt.' It's just pathetic. If you're going to teach the youth a trade, maybe pick one that doesn't involve a mugshot.
MARK: That's not even the weirdest one lately. Did you hear about the 'Mickey Bandits'? Two guys were arrested after a burglary at a dental office in the Inland Empire, and when the cops searched their SUV, they found meth pipes, burglary tools, and a stolen Mickey Mouse stuffed animal. Imagine being a grown-ass man, high on glass, and thinking, 'You know what this heist is missing? A plush toy from the 1920s.' It's like they're trying to be villains in a shitty Saturday morning cartoon. The cops found them and now they're facing the music, which I assume is just the 'Mickey Mouse Clubhouse' theme on a loop in their jail cell.
JOLEEN: The stupidity is truly breathtaking. And we can't forget those teens who led police on a wild chase from Sherman Oaks all the way to Upland back in January. It's like Upland is the official finish line for every dipshit in a stolen Kia. They're 17 years old and facing attempted murder and burglary charges. What the fuck are these kids doing? When I was 17, my biggest crime was staying out twenty minutes past curfew and maybe sneaking a Mike's Hard Lemonade. These kids are out here playing Grand Theft Auto in real life and forgetting that you don't just respawn at the hospital when you crash.
MARK: Let's pivot to something a little less depressing, or maybe more depressing depending on how much you hate teenagers. School District news. Aside from the field, the UUSD is pushing their 'Career Pathways' at Upland High. They're trying to get kids into STEM and Dual Language Immersion, which is actually pretty cool if you want your child to be smarter than you, which, let's face it, isn't a high bar for most people in this zip code. They're also bragging about their 'Award Winning Athletics Programs', which we already covered, but they really want you to know that the Highlanders model 'excellence'. I just hope that excellence extends to the classroom so these kids don't end up as the next generation of 'Mickey Bandits'.
JOLEEN: I saw that Baldy View Elementary is pushing their Dual Language Immersion Academy too. It's a smart move. If the economy keeps going the way it is, these kids are going to need to know how to ask for a loan in at least three different languages. And Foothill Knolls is still doing their STEAM Academy of Innovation thing. I always wonder what 'innovation' means in an elementary school. Are they building cold fusion reactors out of popsicle sticks? Or is it just a fancy way of saying they have iPads now? Either way, the district is clearly trying to look busy so they can justify those property taxes we're all crying about.
MARK: Now, it's time for the part of the show where we talk about food, because eating is the only thing left that brings me joy. We're reviewing Wicked Cow Burgers and Brews this week. They're over on Foothill, and honestly, it's a solid spot if you like your burgers with a side of 'I'm going to need a nap after this'. They just had a big Super Bowl Sunday event with all-you-can-drink deals, which I'm sure resulted in at least a few people making very poor life choices on the way home. But more importantly, they've got their Valentine's feature menu coming up this Saturday, February 14th.
JOLEEN: Wicked Cow is actually decent, which is annoying because I wanted to hate it for the name. It sounds like a middle schooler's gamer tag. But their burgers are legitimately good. The 'Wicked Cow' burger is basically a heart attack on a bun, but a tasty one. For Valentine's, they're doing a special menu with 'heartwarming experiences' and 'good vibes'. Which is just code for 'we're going to put a candle on the table and charge you ten dollars extra for a slider'. But if you're looking for a place that's not as stuffy as The Sycamore Inn, it's a solid choice. Just don't take a first date there if you're planning on being attractive later, because you will have grease on your face and a food coma.
MARK: The Sycamore Inn is a whole different beast. That place has been there since 1848, which I think is when they last updated the decor. It's historic, it's expensive, and it smells like old money and prime rib. It's where you go if you want to feel like a fancy bitch for an hour before returning to your shitty apartment. They're doing their usual high-end Valentine's thing too, but you probably should have made a reservation in 2024 if you wanted a table. If you end up there, try the minestrone soup. They've been serving the same recipe for fifty years, and honestly, it's the only thing in this city that's consistent.
JOLEEN: Moving on to local sports, because apparently some people actually enjoy running. Western Christian High just added senior Ryan Loftin to their volleyball roster as of yesterday, February 8th. Good luck to him, he's going to need it. And the Upland Highlanders soccer and basketball teams are grinding through their seasons. The girls' basketball team had a rough loss to Colony recently, but hey, that's just character building, right? Or it's just a reminder that Ontario schools are out for blood. The boys' soccer team has been doing okay, but they're coming up on some tough games that'll determine if they're actually 'excellent' or just 'adequate'.
MARK: Character building is what losers call losing, Joleen. But you're right, the winter season is heating up. We're looking at the CIF playoffs coming up soon, and Upland High usually puts up a decent fight. If you want to see some actual effort, go watch a high school game. It's better than watching the Lakers right now, and the tickets are cheaper than a taco at Wicked Cow. Just don't be that parent screaming at the referee. No one likes that guy. He's always wearing a wrap-around Oakley and smelling like cheap domestic beer. Don't be that dickhead.
JOLEEN: Let's talk about the weekend guide, because Valentine's Day is this Saturday and some of you are clearly panicking. If you're 21 and over and single, or just hate traditional romance, Bullwinkle's is hosting 'Valentines Park After Dark' this Thursday, February 12th from 7 to 11 p.m. It's forty-five bucks for unlimited go-karts, laser tag, and 'speed dating'. Nothing says 'I'm a catch' like trying to find the love of your life while your hair is matted from a go-kart helmet and you're sweating through your shirt from laser tag. It sounds like a total shit-show, and honestly, I kind of want to go just to watch the disaster unfold.
MARK: Speed dating at Bullwinkle's. My god, we've hit a new low as a society. 'Hi, I'm Mark, I like long walks on the beach and I'm currently the regional champion of Bumper Boats.' It's perfect. But hey, if you're into that, they've also got a live DJ, photo booths, and signature cocktails. It's probably the only way to make speed dating bearable. And if you're already in a relationship and want to bore your partner to tears, there's a free educational seminar on estate planning at Molly's Souper on Tuesday morning. Because nothing screams 'I love you' like discussing who gets the house when you finally kick the bucket.
JOLEEN: You are such a romantic, Mark. But if you're looking for something more low-key, you could always just go for a hike in San Antonio Heights. Just watch out for the mountain lions and the people who think their golden retriever doesn't need a leash. Or you could hit up the Downtown Farmers' Market on Saturday morning. It's a great place to buy a three-dollar apple and feel superior to people who shop at Stater Bros. Just remember, Valentine's Day is a corporate construct designed to make you feel bad about being alone, so just buy yourself some chocolate and stay home.
MARK: Speaking of staying home, let's look at the weather, because the sky is actually doing something interesting for once. For the week of February 9th to the 16th, we're looking at typical Southern California 'winter', which means it's slightly less hot than usual. Today is going to be in the mid-60s, but we've got some clouds moving in for Tuesday and Wednesday. Highs will stay around 62 or 63, and the lows are going to dip into the 40s. So, you know, wear a light jacket and pretend it's actually cold while the rest of the country is literally buried in snow.
JOLEEN: I love how people here act like 60 degrees is the beginning of the ice age. I saw someone wearing a parka and Ugg boots this morning, and it was 58. Calm down, Karen, you're not in the Arctic. By the weekend, it's going to clear up a bit, with Sunday hitting maybe 68. It's basically perfect weather for being stuck in traffic on Foothill Boulevard, which brings us to our next favorite topic: the never-ending nightmare of road construction. That 13.2 million dollar project from Benson to Euclid is officially in high gear. Expect lane reductions and detours that will make you want to drive your car into a ditch.
MARK: It's not just Foothill. The I-10 Express Lanes project is still grinding along like a glacier made of orange plastic. They're working on bridges at Campus Avenue, Sultana, and Euclid. They're doing bridge demolition and construction, which means 'loud noises and vibrations' according to the city. If you live near there, I'm sorry for your loss of sleep and sanity. They're pouring concrete at night, which is great because that's exactly when I want to hear heavy machinery and backup beepers. It's supposed to make the freeway better, but let's be honest, it's just going to be a wider version of the same parking lot.
JOLEEN: The city says they're 'minimizing disruptions', which is the biggest lie since 'the check is in the mail'. There is no minimizing a 13 million dollar road rehab. My favorite part of the Foothill project is that it includes 'enhanced lighting' and 'bike lane improvements'. Because that's what I want to do on Foothill--ride a bicycle next to a lifted Ford F-150 going fifty miles an hour. It's like the city wants to see how many cyclists they can sacrifice to the gods of urban planning. Stay safe out there, people, because the drivers in this town are distracted enough without having to navigate a literal maze of K-rails.
MARK: Finally, let's talk about the real estate market, because if you haven't looked lately, it's a horror show. The average home value in Upland is hovering around eight hundred thousand dollars. That's actually down about one percent from last year, so I guess we should all celebrate the fact that the house we can't afford is now eight thousand dollars cheaper. It's still a seller's market, with most homes going pending in about 28 days. If you're looking to buy, you'd better have a suitcase full of cash and the soul of a gambler, because competition is still a bitch.
JOLEEN: It's insane. I saw a listing for a 'charming fixer-upper' that was basically three walls and a leaky roof, and they wanted seven hundred grand for it. Who is buying these houses? Are we all just money-laundering for the cartel now? Even the rental market is depressing. Average rent is over twenty-three hundred dollars a month. You could live in a much nicer city for that kind of money, but no, we're all paying the 'Upland Tax' to live close to a mountain we only see when the smog clears. It's a joke, but nobody's laughing.
MARK: But hey, the median sale price is actually slightly lower in some reports, down to about seven hundred fifteen thousand in January. So, if you've been saving your pennies since the Great Depression, you might finally be able to afford a condo next to the train tracks. It's a weird market right now. Inventory is low, but homes are staying on the market longer--about 78 days compared to 56 last year. It's like the buyers and sellers are in a staring contest to see who blinks first. My money is on the banks, because the banks always win while we all end up living in our cars.
JOLEEN: Well, on that uplifting note, I think we've covered enough of the Upland grind for today. Remember, if you see a 'Mickey Bandit' or a guy in a go-kart helmet looking for love, just keep walking and don't make eye contact. We love this city, really we do, but sometimes it feels like the city doesn't love us back. If you want to reach us with your own Upland horror stories or just to tell us we're assholes, email us at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com. We might even read your email on the air if it's funny enough or if it contains enough creative cursing.
MARK: And that's a wrap for Monday, February 9th, 2026. Thanks for listening to 'Happening in Upland'. Make sure to hit that subscribe button so you don't miss our next deep... I mean, our next look into the chaos. Stay gracious, Upland, and for the love of god, check your blind spots when you're driving through those construction zones. You don't want to end up as a footnote in next week's crime report. We'll be back on Friday with a look at whatever else this city decides to throw at us. Until then, stay safe and try not to spend your entire paycheck on burgers.