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Jenny Corredor Varela is a native speaker, Spanish coach and program creator. With more than 21 years of experience, she has helped children, adults and families learn this beautiful language whether they speak Spanish at home or not. In the Spanish for Children and Families podcast, she shares great tips for language acquisition, overcoming challenges and raising bilingual children. She also shares Spanish lessons and helpful resources.
www.jencova.com
info@jencova.com
FB group - Mundo Fantastico - Spanish for Children
¡Hola! Hello again! Welcome back! Este es el episodio número 10 de “Spanish for Children and Families” podcast! ¡Gracias por escuchar! Thank you for listening. I know it has been a while since our last episode. Exciting things have been happening! You might be wondering where I went! Well, as some of you know, I am a Spanish language coach and I also have been teaching children and adults for more than 21 years.
I’ve been getting a lot of interest in my program for adults, so I offered a very small and intimate 5-week free Spanish program for beginners. It really was incredible! I had about 20 students from all over the world and it was just unbelievable! I wanted to serve my students as much as possible, so I paused the Spanish for Children and Families podcast for a little, but I am back!
The even more exciting news is that after so much interest, I am putting together a beta program for adults and I will be welcoming founding members soon. Part of that program will also include a podcast for adults interested in learning Spanish. Transforma, will be launched in the upcoming weeks! I also hope to have in the future an additional module for those wanting to support their children on their journey to learn Spanish at home. More of that to come! It is all so very exciting!
One more thing before we start with today’s episode. Let me thank you for your messages. I hear your needs and suggestions and I am working hard in the background to deliver, so stay tuned!
Okay, so now that we caught up, let’s jump into today’s episode! I’ve titled it “When Your Partner Feels Excluded” because it is a real challenge that is not talked about often because it could be a sensitive subject, but it is a situation many bilingual families encounter.
When couples start with a strong desire to raise their children bilingually, they often think only about their children, the books, the activities and the materials they are going to use, but there are additional challenges that might not initially be thought about, like how it will affect the rest of the family members. My goal here is to bring these challenges to light whether you're just starting out or already in this journey, this episode is designed to serve as a conversation starter and make you think about other variables that might impact achieving your bilingual goals.
The number 1 issue couples face is when the partner who doesn’t speak Spanish feels left out during family conversations conducted in Spanish. Just picture this: sitting at the dinner table, chatting with the kids in Spanish about their day. Your partner, who doesn’t speak Spanish, is there too, trying their best to follow the conversation, but they feel like an outsider. They might be smiling and but inside, they are feeling disconnected and isolated. They might feel contradictory feelings. Happiness because they see their children progress, but are upset they are not part of this process. This can create a sense of exclusion and disconnection, making them feel like they are missing out or maybe like they’re not fully part of the family’s interactions.
So, how do we address this? It is very important that before trying any strategy in front of the children, you and your partner discuss this very issue and the possibility of these feelings surfacing at any given time. That way your partner feels that you have not only thought about your children but also thought about them. Feeling validated, seen, and thought about, will set the foundation for any strategy to be successful. Then, you can discuss different approaches. There is not one unique “right” strategy. You will find alternatives that feel the most aligned with both of you and your family dynamics.
Using OPOL, One Parent, One Language, is a good starting point.
One effective strategy is to designate certain times or parts of the conversation for English. For instance, during family meals or key discussions, you might start the conversation in Spanish and then include your partner to switch to English, so your partner can engage more. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts or ask questions in English. This helps bridge the language gap and also ensures they’re part of the discussion without feeling excluded or left out of important topics. If your partner keeps in mind and knows ahead of time that the situation is not meant to isolate them, but to reinforce and develop your child’s language abilities, it is easier to navigate.
You can also provide brief summaries in English after a conversation in Spanish. This way, your partner gets the gist of what’s being discussed and can stay connected to the family’s discussions.
Just remember that this will put an extra task on you, so be aware and don’t feel burned out.
I am a hopeless romantic so I really think that there is nothing that a good conversation and love can’t fix!
So now let’s move to the next challenge!
Think about the partner who doesn’t speak Spanish and feels excluded from cultural activities centered around Spanish-speaking traditions. For instance, imagine you’re planning a celebration for a Spanish holiday. You’re excited about the traditions, the food, and the festivities, but your partner might feel out of place if they don’t understand the customs or the language. It’s like they’re standing on the sidelines of an event and they can’t fully participate in or fully appreciate it.
To tackle this, start by explaining the cultural traditions and their significance in English. Share the story, the history, the customs, and the meaning behind the celebrations so your partner can appreciate them and feel more involved. Make your partner a fundamental part of the planning of these cultural activities. By discussing the details and adapting activities to include bilingual elements, you make them feel more engaged. Something that has worked well for me is to always consider creating new family traditions; traditions that blend both languages and cultures. Make it specially your own! This not only makes your partner feel included but also enriches your family’s cultural experiences.
One fun and funny Colombian tradition is running around the block with suitcases on New Year’s Eve to receive the new year. This crazy, funny, quirky custom symbolizes a wish for travel and adventure in the coming year. When I first told my husband about it, when our chidlren were little, he thought it was the craziest and funniest thing he had ever heard. He asked me, What? Do run around the block with, what? But once I explained the meaning behind it, it became a memorable and amusing story.
Living in the cold winters in New York, we never really talked about doing it. Every year we just talked about the tradition itself saying, imagine we to go out in this weather? It always felt like it was too out of place and too chilly or too cold to run around the block with our little ones, so we skipped it. However, this past year, with our 20, 19, and 14-year-old kids, we decided to give it a try.
Let me paint the picture: at midnight after the count down, we hugged each other and and said happy new year! My kids, my husband and I took suitcases, and backpacks and went running around the block, all of that, by the way, while trying to eat 12 grapes. Why 12 grapes you ask? Because, on a side note, each grape represent a month and you have to make a wish for each month of the coming year. So, yes, we were running, laughing, carrying our suitcases while eating grapes and making wishes.
The lesson here is that including my husband in a story I shared many years ago, my kids hearing and laughing about it, turned into a fun and joyful family activity. Seeing my kids run and laugh while we struggled to keep up with them made it a such a memorable experience. My husband and I mostly laughed as we tried to run faster, and I’m sure this moment will be something our kids will remember and talk about with their own children someday.
It shows that there’s no set timeline for our efforts to have an impact. Sometimes, the results appear in the most unexpected ways and moments, bringing your family closer together through bonding and laughter.
Just plant the seed! I promise you, you will see the results. Sometimes you see them right away, but sometimes you will see them many years later.
Another issue that you might encounter with your parter is when they might feel left out of parenting discussions that involve language, particularly when it comes to your child’s bilingual development. For example, if you’re discussing language strategies or milestones with your child, your partner might feel excluded from these important conversations. It’s like being on the periphery of a discussion that impacts your child’s future and not having a saying.
Involve your partner in the planning of language activities and goal-setting for your child’s bilingual journey. Share updates on your child’s language progress and any significant discussions you’ve had about their bilingual education. Ask for their input, ask for their suggestions and apply them. Show them that their ideas matter and also help with your child’s linguistic development.
Plan joint activities that both parents can do with the child. It can be reading bilingual books or playing language games. This not only helps your partner feel included but also supports your child’s overall view of you working as a team.
This actually might be the perfect time to recommend one of my favorite bilingual books. If you're looking for a fun and meaningful book to share with your kids, you have to check out "El Ratoncito Pérez y the Tooth Fairy" by Jane Cadwallader and Gustavo Mazali. It’s such a cute story that brings together the best of both worlds—Ratón Pérez from Spanish-speaking countries and the Tooth Fairy from English-speaking ones. It’s perfect if you’re raising bilingual kids because the text is in both Spanish and English. Plus, it’s a great way to teach them about different traditions while enjoying a sweet story about teamwork and friendship. It’s definitely a must-have for your family’s bookshelf!
If you would like to hear more about this book, I am excited to share that I am going to dedicate a podcast episode to the reading of "El Ratoncito Pérez y the Tooth Fairy". I will have different voices to play the characters. You can use it at home and play it with your children. It’ll be a fun way for your children to follow along with the story, and a great resource to expose them to a different accent and different voices.
A big issue is when your partner lacks confidence in engaging with your children in Spanish. We have all been there. Being our own biggest critics. They might worry about not being able to communicate effectively or making mistakes, which can lead to feelings of exclusion. It’s like wanting to participate but feeling unsure of how to do it properly.
There are many solutions to this issue, and like I was mentioning before, there is not right or wrong answer. Some things work for some families and some things work for others. You might also realize that some things that you are trying work for some time then you will have to shift. This is an ever changing process.
Let me offer some alternatives to get you thinking. The main one is to learn Spanish together. You can consider enrolling in language classes. It can be together as a family or individually. Language apps, tutors, programs, anything that alings with your family dynamics. This shared experience can boost both partners’ confidence and make them feel more comfortable engaging with their child in Spanish.
Create a supportive environment at home where mistakes are seen as part of the learning process. Encourage your partner to practice Spanish with you and your children without any fear of judgment.
It is important! Very, very important. I can’t stress this enough: celebrate their efforts, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can build confidence and make your partner feel more included. More included in the language journey and also have a tremendous impact on your children. Think about it from their perspective. It teaches them that no matter how old, you can always pursue your goals and with love and support, achieve them.
Talking about a life lesson!
So, finally, let’s talk about difficulties in Social Settings. This is another area where your partner might feel out of place. If you’re at a gathering where Spanish is predominantly spoken, your partner might feel isolated or uncomfortable if they can’t follow the conversation. It’s like being at a party where everyone is speaking a language you don’t fully understand, and you’re left trying to keep up.
To address this, try introducing bilingual socializing at events. Start conversations in English for a few minutes before switching to Spanish. This allows your partner to follow along and participate in the conversation, making them feel more included.
Constant translating from Spanish to English to your partner is another alternative. I’ve tried this strategy with my family and my husband and it creates that bridge between languages that you need to make a connection. Sometimes it can be a little tiring because you are the one doing the heavy lifting, all the heavy work, but it is totally worth it.
Also, this might have happened to you, and if it hasn’t it will! Sometimes things don’t translate between languages, and once you translate is not that funny? Kind of those stories when you have that feeling of “you had to be there” because you get crickets after you expect a big laugh? Don’t get discouraged. Just know those are part of the beautiful cultural experience.
I’ve found that providing context before social gatherings can also be helpful. I will share with my husband some of the stories or topics that might come up, so he is not caught off guard and can engage more comfortably or at least follow and kick me under the table when the conversation comes up.
You know, like mi tia Blanca is probably going to talk about how amazing her cooking is. La prima Gloria is going to tell the story of when she got lost on vacation, but thanks to her amazing navigating skills, she survived. And we are all going to talk about who is el primo Miguel bringing to the family celebration this time. We all have those family stories! I love making eye contact with him when the stories come up, and even if he doesn’t understand word by word, he is so happy when he knows he is somewhat following it.
Finally, include some activities for social events that don’t rely heavily on language, like games or shared interests that everyone can enjoy. Nothing beats a great boardgame or watching a great soccer or football game. This creates a more welcoming environment and helps your partner feel more integrated into social interactions.
I hope these issues make you think and plan ahead. If you have in mind that some of these might happen, you are more likely to be prepared and then create a better environment to raise bilingual children.
Let’s think about this for a minute. Here’s a general underlying aspect that ties all these issues together: communication. Open, honest conversations are crucial in any relationship, especially when navigating the complexities of raising bilingual children. It’s essential to regularly check in with your partner who doesn’t speak Spanish about how they’re feeling and address any concerns they might have about feeling excluded. But it’s also equally important to have a pulse on how the partner who does speak Spanish is feeling. They might be carrying a lot of the responsibility and pressure of maintaining the bilingual environment, and that can be exhausting.
Make sure you’re both openly discussing how the bilingual journey is impacting each of you. This mutual understanding can help alleviate some of the stress and help you find solutions together. Another key aspect is including your partner in the learning strategy. Encourage them to actively participate in language learning, whether that’s through classes, practicing together at home, or engaging in bilingual activities with the kids. This not only helps your partner feel more connected but also strengthens the family’s overall approach to bilingualism. By working together and supporting each other, you can create a more inclusive and cohesive environment for your family.
And that’s a wrap for today’s episode! Navigating the feeling of exclusion in a bilingual family can be challenging, but with thoughtful strategies and open communication, you can ensure that everyone feels valued and involved. Thanks for tuning in to Spanish for Children and Families. Remember, it’s all about teamwork and creating a supportive environment for both parents and children. ¡Hasta la próxima, familias! Until next time, keep fostering that bilingual magic in your home.
Keep planting those seeds!