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A Shovavim series learning a Torah approach to shmiras einayim and shmiras habris, with practical tools and perspectives.
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It's a natural force.
It's a normal force.
And the second שיעור that we gave was instilling in us the value of
טובה חכמה מגבורה,
that you should avoid the battle,
not get into the battle to begin with,
and set up all the boundaries that you need in order that there won't
be a conflict at all.
And now we're in part three.
Part three I'm I'm titling מקומך אל תנח,
which is based on a פסוק in קהלת,
where the פסוק says in קהלת י' פסוק ד':
אם רוח המושל תעלה על עליך מקומך אל תנח.
And חז"ל say that it's referring to the יצר הרע.
If רוח המושל,
if a spirit of a powerful force,
a controlling force that says that he's in control,
a מושל,
if a רוח of a מושל comes upon you,
מקומך אל תנח.
You have a place,
and don't let that place pass.
Now there's a belief there,
in that פסוק in קהלת,
there's a belief that you have a place.
There's a place where you stand.
There's a place where you stand which is strong.
And even when a רוח מושל overcomes you,
you're able to overcome it,
and you are able to remain in your place.
And the goal of this שיעור today is to give כלים,
practical tools,
practical,
down-to-earth tools,
that if a person is in the challenge—הלוואי a person ahead of time would
have avoided the challenge and he would have not got into it to begin
with,
and let's say he didn't do that,
or maybe he even did,
and nevertheless it came through the back door,
and suddenly he finds himself with a שמירת עיניים issue,
with a שמירת הברית issue,
any topic which is the יצר הרע is right now standing on him and
pushing him,
and he feels the רוח המושל,
the רוח המושל is standing on him.
So we're going to go through a few practical skills for a person in
that situation to be able to hold strong.
And the first one is going to be a perspective,
a perspective of how to view the יצר הרע.
What is the role of the יצר הרע?
Why did הקדוש ברוך הוא make it?
And that's going to be very helpful for us to be able to hold
up strong against him when you know your enemy.
Know your enemy,
that's going to be the first rule.
So the גמרא says in ברכות בדף נ"ד:
ואהבת את ה' אלקיך בכל לבבך,
and חז"ל דרש the two ב's:
בכל לבבך בשני יצריך,
ביצר טוב וביצר הרע.
So there's some way that we're supposed to be serving Hashem with our יצר
הרע.
Now I know how to serve Hashem with the יצר טוב:
I'll do מצוות,
I'll learn תורה.
What does it mean,
what did חז"ל intend,
to serve Hashem with your יצר הרע?
How do you do that?
The שיטה מקובצת quotes תלמידי רבינו יונה there on ברכות דף נ"ד:
בכל לבבך בשני יצריך,
עבודת יצר הטוב עשיית המצוות.
The way you serve Hashem with the יצר טוב is to do the מצוות.
עבודת היצר הרע הוא שיכבוש יצרו המתגבר עליו.
Hashem designed the יצר הרע to be an enemy whose whole goal is for
you to overcome.
Now I want to give a משל למה הדבר דומה.
I said this משל,
I thought that I made it up,
but then I I said it in a שיעור somewhere,
and some אברך who came over to me said to me,
"Oh,
that's the זוהר in פרשת תרומה."
I said,
"Of course.
Can you send it to me?"
So he sent me the זוהר in פרשת I don't know if it's תרומה
or wherever it was,
he sent me the זוהר,
and it's not exactly the same as my משל,
but the same concept,
the same same idea.
I'm going to still go back to my משל,
but if someone wants to read in the זוהר inside,
I can send you the link.
משל למה הדבר דומה:
There's a a king.
The king wants to check out his son to see if his son is
worthy of being the future king.
One of the main qualities of being a king is that you're able to
stand out strong against the different opinions that come against you.
There's going to be all different winds that are going to blow,
and if you're not strong to be able to hold strong against those winds,
then every time a different opinion,
a politician comes to try and convince you and manipulate you to follow his
will,
then you're going to be swaying from side to side in the wind.
To be a strong king,
you have to have your own opinion and you have to hold strong against
the opinion.
A little bit like the פסוק:
אם רוח המושל תעלה עליך מקומך אל תנח,
to have your opinion.
So the king wants to test his son to see if he has that
quality to hold out strong.
So he says to him,
"My son,
my precious son,
I have a mission for you.
Take this package and deliver it to a king in a nearby town.
But I only have one rule for you:
you must walk from our town to the next town on the road,
straight road,
דרך הישר.
Don't go off the road for anything.
That's the one rule.
No matter what happens,
don't go off the road for anything.
You hear me?
Don't go off the road for anything.
Stay on the straight path.
That's the one rule.
Take the king deliver it to the the neighboring king over there,
and that's just the mission I have for you."
He doesn't know he's being tested.
The prince starts walking,
and unbeknownst to him,
there is a secret agent which the king has hired in order to make
the prince slip up.
The agent agent knows exactly,
exactly the nature of the prince.
He knows exactly what ignites him.
He knows exactly what excites him,
what turns him on.
He knows everything about this prince.
And he's prepared,
he's done his homework.
He knows this prince loves iPhones.
He loves his iPhone.
He's on his iPhone 26 hours a day,
if there could be,
there's only 24,
so it's 24 hours a day.
And he knows that this prince is always the first one to get the
latest,
he has some in behind the doors there.
Before it's released in the stores,
he's got it before and he's showing it off to everyone else.
He That's his world,
that's his whole life.
So,
if you want to get this prince to go off the road,
which is the job of this secret agent,
then it's very easy.
You find his soft point,
you know exactly where he's going to fall.
So,
you set up a stall just off the road,
not too far,
not too difficult,
just off the road from the straight path.
And as the prince is walking along,
fulfilling his mission with this package that he's delivering to the neighboring town,
suddenly he sees the stall,
flashing lights,
exciting.
He didn't He didn't mean to see it,
but suddenly he,
like,
opened his eyes and there it was in the sight.
Suddenly flashing lights,
it says,
"Latest iPhone,
just come out,
just released,
the XX134+2 exclamation mark!
This is it!
This is the latest one.
If you don't get this one,
you're going to be left behind,
and you always want to be the first one.
So,
I'm giving it to you for free today.
I heard you're the prince,
I heard you're a special guy.
Special offer for free today,
just come here,
come take it,
come take it!"
And And he doesn't even think.
iPhone.
Blindly he starts walking,
he's just His feet are taking him.
He loses all of his שכל and he's walking off the path.
And suddenly,
as he reaches the edge,
he says,
"Wait,
my father the king,
he told me don't go off the path for anything."
And then he says,
"Yeah,
but this is an exception.
This is different.
My father loves me and he knows how much I want to have pleasure
in my life.
He wants me to be happy.
I know he wants me to be happy and he knows this will make
me happy,
so surely he wouldn't have said this is forbidden.
Surely he would have incorporated this in what's allowed.
For sure,
I'm sure he would do that."
So,
he says,
"Maybe,
I don't know,
but my father said don't do it no matter what happens.
But maybe I'm not sure,
so maybe if you have a ספק,
ספק לקולא,
and I don't know,
my father said what to do,
I'm not going to do."
He holds strong and he carries on walking.
The secret agent lost the first battle.
He dresses up in a different costume,
he zooms ahead,
still on the path,
and he knows that this prince is somewhat of a people pleaser,
meaning like many of us,
unfortunately,
if there's strong pressure from an authority put on,
then we don't even think.
Some people,
if they see someone in a doctor's suit and he's saying in an authoritative
tone that this is what you have to do,
then people just go along with it.
They just say,
"Okay,
that's what we have to do."
If it was said in a forced,
firm tone and doesn't give you a choice to say no.
So,
later on down the line,
as the prince is walking down,
the secret agent comes to him again and he says to him,
"Hey,
you there!
I'm a member of the police and we need to investigate you.
You have to come off the path now,
we were checking IDs."
And he said,
"I'm I'm I'm I'm the king I'm I'm the son of the king.
I'm I'm walking,
I'm I'm just going to the town and like I'm I'm legit,
but I'm not allowed to leave this path."
"No,
I'm not taking that for an answer.
You come here right now!"
And he says,
"I don't know,
you're you're an authority,
but my father is more of an authority.
So,
my father,
he's the king and he told me that I have to keep walking."
He says,
"How dare you challenge my authority!
If you don't come here right now,
there's going to be severe consequences!
It's not a question.
I'm telling you this is what you need to do.
You have to come here right now!"
And he's like saying,
"Okay,
I'll come."
Because you have to,
because you have to listen,
because someone told you this is what you need to do,
so you need to do it.
And he starts walking off the path,
and suddenly he says,
"But my my father is the king,
he's more of an authority.
So,
I have to listen to him because it conflicts."
And he catches himself.
The story goes on and on,
but I see I'm pressed for time,
there's two more.
But he carries on,
he gets to the end,
even though this secret agent tried to twice more convince him to go off.
One of them was ice cream.
It was a soft point for him and he had like ice cream,
he also But he got past the ice cream,
he gets to the other town and he sees there,
and this is very strange,
he doesn't know what to make of this,
he sees there his father the king.
What's his father the king doing there?
His father told him to send this,
why is his father And he sees this evil,
wicked agent,
but he didn't know it's an agent,
standing next to his father the king.
And he sees them smiling and looking at him and welcoming him.
And he says,
"What's going on?
אבא,
טאטע,
המלך,
אבינו מלכנו!
That guy's he's a bad person!
Stay away from him!
He tried to trip me up!
He He even told me He even told me that I don't need to
listen to you.
He even made fun of you and he said who's the king that I
need to listen to his voice?
He said that!
אבא,
be careful!
Don't listen to him!
Stay away,
he's a dangerous man!
He's dangerous!"
And the father,
the king,
hugs hugs the secret agent,
and he says,
"My boy,
don't you realize?
Only because of him,
you're going to be the king!"
He says,
"אבא,
I don't understand what you're saying,
but I know that he tried to trip me up many times.
Stay away from him!
Or or tell me what's going on!"
The father said,
"Wait a minute,
son.
When he was on the path,
when he was walking,
then he was bad.
That was his job.
He was the enemy.
He was trying to trip you up.
That was his goal,
that was his responsibility.
But now,
we're in a different world now.
We've passed that path.
You've gone beyond the path.
Where are we now?
Now we're in a new zone.
We're in the next stage.
Here,
he's a מלאך.
Here,
he's doing the will of the king!
Didn't you realize that?
Actually,
he was doing the will of the king all along,
but what was the will of the king?
That you wouldn't listen to him."
I want to make this point very,
very clear.
There's two ways to view the יצר הרע:
from this world's perspective,
and from the next world's perspective.
From the next world's perspective,
he's a מלאך,
he's a צדיק,
Hashem is hugging him,
and you're going to meet him on the other end,
and you're going to embrace him.
Because of him,
you got to where you got to,
but because you didn't listen to him,
that's why you're going to get what you're going to get to.
He enables you to be great,
as long as you view him in this world as the enemy.
Now,
he doesn't want you to view him as the enemy,
so all the way along the path,
he provides for you exactly what you need.
He knows your inner weaknesses,
and he's there as your friend.
"I'm here for you.
I want to make you happy.
I want to give you pleasure.
I'm going to take care of all your emotional needs.
Everything will be resolved.
You're You're depressed?
Don't worry.
I can help with that.
You're anxious?
Don't worry.
I can help you with that,
too.
You're feeling social anxiety?
I can help you with everything.
Just follow my whims.
Your whims!
It's not even mine,
it's yours!
It's what you want to do!"
He's a master ventriloquist.
He speaks from within you.
This is the חטא of אדם הראשון.
He speaks from within you,
and he says to you,
"This is what's going to make me happy."
And you're not even sure,
is it him speaking?
Is it me speaking?
It's all ambiguous.
It's not so clear.
The יצר הרע in this world,
his power and his strength is his ambiguity.
It's not clear to you that it's him.
You think it's you.
First step in overcoming the יצר הרע is calling him out,
calling him by his name,
externalizing him.
It's not me.
It's him,
and he's bad.
His whole role is that I don't listen to him.
I have a catchphrase which I like to use,
and it helps me very much.
I love this phrase.
I made up this phrase from this story,
though.
It goes like this:
You're doing your job,
I'll do mine.
I love that phrase,
because when the יצר הרע comes to you,
and he's external,
but he's coming to you from outside,
and he's trying to trip you up,
and he's trying to say to you,
"This is going to make you happy,
this is going to give you calmness,
this is going to resolve all your issues," he knows exactly your weak spots,
like that secret agent,
and he's coming to help you as a friend!
And you don't see him as external,
but you see him as part of you,
a friend coming to help you,
it's very hard to say no.
But if you laugh at him,
and you say,
"You brought an iPhone?
I know exactly your tricks!
You brought ice cream,
cookies and cream flavor?
I know you know that's what I like!
I know your tricks,
I know every one of them!"
And you laugh at him,
and you say,
"You're doing your job very well!
You're a great secret agent!
You're doing a great job!
But look,
you do your job,
and I'm going to do mine.
Your job is to trip me up.
My job is to keep walking on the straight path.
You do your job and I'll do mine."
That line can save a person from a lot of trouble.
Because if you don't externalize the יצר הרע,
and you see him as you,
how are you going to say no?
"This is what I need!
I need!"
But if you see the יצר הרע as external,
he's just doing his job.
He's a מלאך from Hashem,
doing his job.
The whole reason he was sent,
we saw in the גמרא in ברכות,
was to help trip you up,
and your whole job is to not listen to him.
עבודת היצר הרע שיכבוש יצרו המתגבר עליו,
that's what is said in רבנו יונה.
That's your whole That's why he was created.
That's his purpose in life.
It's not to trip you up,
but to pretend as if to trip you up.
He's doing his job,
you do yours.
And I want to finish that introduction with just one beautiful quote from the
יצר הרע himself.
וישאל יעקב ויאמר הגידה נא שמך.
יעקב turns to the יצר,
and he says to him,
"What's your name?"
And that's a that's a trick question for him,
because his whole goal is that he doesn't tell you who he is,
right?
Because once you give him a name,
and you identify him,
he doesn't have power you over you anymore.
If you know that he's the יצר הרע,
then he's external to you.
Then you can point him out,
and you can say,
"You're doing your job.
Get get lost,
you know,
don't bother me!"
But if he's mixed up with you,
then that's when he has his strength,
when he's when he's ambiguous.
So יעקב turns to him and says to him,
וישאל יעקב ויאמר הגידה נא שמך,
and what does he answer?
ויאמר למה זה תשאל לשמי.
Now some people say that he was trying to push off יעקב and say,
"Why are you asking?"
But some say that's his name.
That's his name!
He was answering the question!
ויאמר,
my name is למה זה תשאל?
Why are you asking who I am?
Don't ask!
It's much better if I remain secret.
It's much better if I remain ambiguous.
It's much better if you're confused if it's you,
if it's me.
That's my strength,
says the יצר הרע.
My strength is that you don't know who I am.
Don't ask!
That's my name.
My name is Don't ask.
I don't want you to know who I am.
So the first major,
major point,
and a tool in overcoming the יצר הרע at a time when you have
a challenge,
when right now he's there's an urge and he's pushing you,
the first,
first point is to differentiate and say,
"I'm externalizing the יצר הרע.
He's doing his job,
I'm doing mine.
I know exactly why he's doing it.
I'm laughing at him in the face and saying,
'You're trying that trick on me?
You tried that on me yesterday.
It didn't work.
It's not going to work today either.
I fell for it once in my life.
I'm not going down that path again.'
Externalizing the יצר הרע,
calling him out,
taking saying his name.
You can give him You can make up a name for him.
You can call him the terrorist.
You know,
you make up a name for him.
You can call him a Russian,
you can call him a terrorist,
you can call him a pushy salesman.
You give him a name.
You can call him Nick.
It doesn't matter.
Give him a name just to externalize him.
Make him external to you.
And then when within you,
it's saying,
'I need this.
This is important to me.
This is answering a need for me,' and you're confused as if it's something
that you need,
as 'I need,' you are able to say,
'This isn't that I need.
This is the יצר הרע trying to get me.
He's trying to confuse me.
He's saying למה זה תשאל לשמי,
don't ask,
maybe it's you who needs it,
and I'm not falling for that.
I'm calling him out.
You do your job,
I'll do mine.'
That's the first major principle of identifying him,
externalizing him.
That's point number one.
Point number two,
which we discussed already last week,
but I want to give it again now in this context.
You you have externalized him,
and he's still bothering you,
and he's still just he's still the the urge is still growing.
So the main tool number the second tool that I want to speak about
is based on the ספר תניא.
In תניא פרק כ״ז,
he writes the following idea.
A person has thoughts that are distracting him.
They're thoughts of the יצר הרע.
They're thoughts of temptation,
they're thoughts of urge,
they're thoughts of lust,
and it's annoying the עבד השם cuz he just wants to be a בן
תורה.
He just wants to be pure,
he just wants to be holy.
'Why are these thoughts coming to me?'
he asks himself.
ואם העצבות מהרהורים רעים ותאוות רעות נופלות במחשבתו,
says the תניא,
if a person's negative תאוה-oriented thoughts come into a person's mind,
this is פרק כ״ז,
27,
בעת עסקו בדרך ארץ,
אדרבה,
he says,
don't be upset about it,
יש לו לשמוח בחלקו,
you should rejoice.
That's funny.
Most people,
when a תאוה thought comes to them,
they're like,
'Oh,
why is this bothering me again?
I can't believe this is affecting me again.
I'm trying to be good,
and this is coming to me again.
This is the worst thing!'
But the תניא says,
'No,
you should rejoice about it.
Don't invite it,
but rejoice about it.'
Why?
שאף שנופלות לו במחשבה,
הוא מסיח דעתו מהם,
similar to what we just saw in the רבנו יונה,
that you have an opportunity now to do a מצוה that you wouldn't have
been able to do otherwise,
לקיים בזה מצוה של לא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם.
How do you fulfill the מצוה of לא תתורו?
How do you do it?
אין הכתוב מדבר בצדיקים לקרותם זונים,
it can't be this פסוק is referring to צדיקים who are called זונים,
אתם זונים אחריהם,
אלא בבינונים.
This this פסוק is referring to people who sometimes think positive thoughts and sometimes
have negative thoughts that pop into their mind.
נופלים הרהורי ניאוף במחשבתו,
thoughts of sexual attraction fall into his mind.
ואמרו חז״ל,
and the rabbis say,
ישב ולא עבר עבירה,
if a thought came to you that was a thought with temptation,
with lust,
you didn't choose to have it,
it came to you,
and you hold strong,
מקומך אל תנח,
you have a place and you're able to hold strong in your place,
נותנים לו שכר כאילו עשה מצוה.
It's not just a passive thing that you didn't fail,
it's an active thing that you actively did a מצוה.
על כן צריך לשמוח בקיום המצוה כמו שקיימת מצות עשה ממש.
And then there's a whole extra section which I'm skipping,
but then he says,
הרי זאת מידת הבינונים וזה עבודתנו לכבוש היצר והרהור העולה מהלב למוח להסיח דעתו
לגמרי ממנו לדחותו בשתי ידים.
So he's telling us how to do it.
The יצר הרע puts a thought in your mind,
you didn't ask for it,
he's doing his job,
he's planting negative thoughts there,
temptatious thoughts,
and you now say,
'You know,
I'm going to laugh at you all the way to the גן עדן.'
Why am I laughing?
Cuz you're hoping that I'm going to think that thought,
and then I'm going to become depressed,
and then I'm going to do an עבירה.
That's what you're hoping,
right?
It's not going to happen.
When that thought comes to me,
you know what I'm doing?
I'm saying,
'Yes!
Opportunity!
This is it!'
I'm distracting myself,
I'm thinking about something else,
and by me doing that,
I'm getting an extra מצוה.
Now this יצר הרע,
he's really annoyed.
now.
He was coming to make you fall.
He was pushing you into the pit,
and suddenly you say,
"This is great!
I'm going to do an extra מצוה.
Because you're sending this to me,
I'm going to be closer to Hashem.
It's not pushing me down,
it's raising me up."
So he's saying to us,
like the first source that we saw,
you should see it as an opportunity,
but he's also giving us a skill what to do:
distraction.
He's saying,
להסיח דעתו לגמרי.
אל יפול לב האדם עליו,
don't get depressed.
אל ירע לבבו מאד,
don't get upset.
גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו.
Listen to this phrase.
It's a harsh,
harsh phrase,
but it's important to hear.
Even if you will be in this battle your whole life.
When I read this word in the תניא,
I was really upset when I first read it.
But then the whole chapter is about not being upset,
so I couldn't be like that,
but he's I read I said,
is it possible that a person who suffers from these thoughts will have them
their whole life?
Isn't it temporary?
Isn't it just like for a short period of time,
and then you overcome it?
But he says here,
don't be upset,
גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו.
It's possible that it will happen.
Some people,
they say,
"I can remain positive if it's for a few weeks,
for a year,
for two years,
but I've been suffering with this already for 10 years!
10 years!
Maybe even more.
How can I still like keep it up?
How can I still be positive?
How can I not be depressed after suffering for so long?"
Says the תניא,
don't be upset even if you've been in this מלחמה כל ימיו.
אולי לכך נברא.
You hear that?
It could be you were created for this.
Meaning it's possible that a person doesn't want to be a רשע,
he only wants to be a צדיק,
he wants to be pure,
but Hashem programmed him that he's going to have lusting thoughts his whole life,
not because he's a רשע.
He's a צדיק,
he's doing well.
He didn't choose these thoughts.
But it's possible,
says the בעל התניא,
שלכך נברא וזאת עבודתו.
He was made in this world to be given these thoughts and to overcome
them.
That's his whole life's mission,
לאכפיא לסטרא אחרא תמיד.
His goal is to destroy evil on a constant basis.
That's what he was made for.
He's a warrior.
He's a soldier.
He's a fighter.
Hashem gives someone who's a fighter challenges so that they can destroy evil.
So this is a very,
very important תניא.
He's teaching us three things.
Number one,
what we learned already in the last source,
that it's the natural way of the יצר הרע to try and attack you,
and it's your mission to overcome him,
you get a מצוה.
That was the point he made.
Number two,
he said how do you do that?
Distraction.
Get involved in other things.
Number three,
it's possible that you will have this your whole life.
Don't be upset about it.
Know that that's the design.
Some people Hashem designs them to have these types of thoughts their whole life,
but the תניא say,
don't be upset.
It's an opportunity.
Hashem Hashem is sending you the opportunity to destroy evil throughout your life.
So that was the second point about distraction.
Still on the topic of distraction,
I wanted to quote a גמרא in בבא בתרא.
How do you do distraction?
ברא הקדוש ברוך הוא יצר הרע ברא לו תורה תבלין.
One of the main ways of distracting yourself is to learn תורה.
The more your mind is filled with תורה,
even just saying אשרי,
something which you just know off by heart,
something which is easy.
If you try getting into a hard סוגיא,
it could be that it won't work.
But if you just say אשרי,
if you say things that you know naturally,
that's one way of doing it.
Now,
it's not only תורה,
but one idea that I heard,
and it works really well,
try this,
is as long as your mind is cognitive and you're involved in something,
then it's very easy to be distracted,
because you get involved in something else.
If it's mindless,
it might not work.
But if it's working,
then that works.
So let's do a little test together.
What's 5,005 minus 13?
Answer quickly!
Well,
that wasn't quick.
4,992.
Minus another 13?
Well,
say it.
What's the answer?
4,979.
The next,
another 13?
Keep going until the urge passes.
Now if you do something where your mind is occupied,
right?
You do some it's not too complicated,
but you don't know it off by heart,
you know?
It's not like times tables,
two,
four,
six,
eight,
10,
that you're not even thinking there.
But if you're doing a big number minus an awkward number,
not minus five each time,
like don't do 1,000 minus five,
that you don't think.
But if you do an awkward number like 5,005 minus 13 again and again
and again,
then you have to be like focused.
Wait,
what is it?
Yeah,
there's the decimals and there's the unit.
Okay,
wait one second,
I have to start again.
Some people have to get out pen and paper.
Some people can do it in their mind.
But the fact that your mind is occupied,
you're distracted.
And doing it with math is a lot easier,
because it's something you're involved with.
It's also good,
because sometimes people will say,
"How do you get distracted?
Go for a jog."
That works well.
"Go have a shower."
That works well.
"Go phone your grandparents," we spoke about last week.
That also works well.
But you can't always do that.
Sometimes it's late at night and you're in your bed,
and you're not going to go up and go for a jog now.
Like,
that's not what you're doing.
But doing some mind puzzle,
do Sudoku,
where your mind is involved in something and you don't need anything external to
be involved in it,
just doing your math,
then you're occupied.
Your mind is distracted,
and you're able to be successful and overcome the יצר הרע.
And one last source on the topic of distraction,
the אור החיים הקדוש,
ויקרא י"ח,
says like beautiful piece,
worth reading again and again.
בחינת,
actually,
after you hear it,
you're going to say,
realize that you shouldn't read it again and again.
You'll see why.
ונחזור לענין כי בחינת החושב בדבר ערוה תגביר החפץ ותשליטנו ברצון ולא יושג הנצחון
החפץ אלא דווקא באמצעות הרחקת הדבר מדעתו ובמחשבתו לבל יראות הכיעור ולא יחשוב בו.
You have thoughts of a woman in your mind.
You have thoughts of some pornography in your mind.
It's distracting you,
it's annoying you,
it's pulling you down.
So what do you do?
Well,
the worst thing to do is to say,
"I want to work on this.
I want to work on not having this thought.
Why is it coming to me?
Where did it come from?
What's the source of where it came from?
Why is it not appropriate to think about?"
Now,
that whole trying to push it away is still being involved in it.
It's still thinking about it,
like he says at the end:
אל תכנס איתו בטוען ונטען,
don't get into a discussion with the יצר הרע,
כי אריכות הרגשת החושב,
because the very fact that you're continuing thinking about it,
אפילו בבחינת שולל,
even though you're thinking about how to stop it,
but you're still involved in it,
it's still got you wrapped around its little finger.
"I don't want to be thinking about these inappropriate thoughts."
What inappropriate thoughts?
That inappropriate thought,
you know,
don't think about that.
You're still involved.
תפעל הגברת החפץ ותהפך לרצון.
The very fact that you're involved in it causes you to want it more
and be involved in it more.
So says the אור החיים הקדוש,
the most important thing to do when that happens:
הרחקת הדבר מדעתו,
get involved in something else.
Don't get involved.
So the two points we've made so far:
number one was identify the יצר הרע as external to you,
call him a name,
it's not your inner thought,
it's something external to you,
you've already won the main battle,
it's not within you.
Second point:
what do you do now?
Distraction.
Get involved in something else.
Third point:
on a biological level,
urges don't last too long.
Usually around 10 minutes is the maximum amount of time that a person who
has an urge will act out on it.
If a person doesn't act out for 10 minutes and they get involved in
something else for 10 minutes,
now I'm not saying it won't come back,
it could come back,
but that initial push of an urge will pass.
And therefore,
if our פסוק of today is אם רוח המושל תעלה עליך מקומך אל תנח,
if the if the יצר הרע is coming and he's causing you to have
an urge,
don't let go of your place.
Okay,
but how long for?
Like,
how long can I hold on for?
How long do you want me to do it?
Around 10 minutes,
that's how long.
Because once around 10 minutes has passed and you've been distracted with other things
for around 10 minutes,
then by that time you'll already the main urge has already passed.
משל למה הדבר דומה:
there's a wave in the sea.
How does a wave work?
Well,
at the beginning there's nothing there at all,
and then out of nowhere,
suddenly a wave begins.
And then it builds,
and it builds,
and it builds,
and it builds.
And if you're sitting there,
you're saying,
"This is going to be a tsunami!
There's no hope!
Everything is going to be destroyed!"
Now,
it came from nowhere,
you didn't ask for it,
but it's getting stronger and stronger and stronger.
Many people,
they say,
"I'd rather give in to the urge now,
because if it gets even bigger,
it's going to be overwhelming for me and it's going to destroy me."
That's if you don't know the nature of a wave.
But if you know the nature of a wave,
you know how it works,
then you know that it actually just crashes by itself.
You don't need to stop the wave.
You don't need to get involved.
The wave will stop by itself at some point,
it's going to crash.
All you need to do is to hold out until the wave crashes by
itself.
An urge builds and builds and builds,
and it occupies your mind,
it paralyzes your body,
and you feel like,
"If I don't answer this urge,
then I'm going to destruct,
I'm going to be destroyed.
I have to respond to it.
I have to respond," and that's not true.
Get that out of your mind.
There's an amazing,
amazing story in יבמות קכ״א:
אמר רבן גמליאל,
פעם אחת הייתי מהלך בספינה,
I was once traveling by ship,
וראיתי ספינה אחת שנשברה,
and I saw the ship that was in front of me and it was
destroyed,
והייתי מצטער על תלמיד חכם שבה,
and I was so upset,
because you know who was in that ship?
רבי עקיבא!
Rabbi Akiva was in that ship and it was destroyed,
Rabbi Akiva died.
Rabban Gamliel was upset because his friend Rabbi Akiva died.
וכשעליתי ביבשה,
but when I got to the shore,
בא וישב ודן לפני בהלכה.
Suddenly Rabbi Akiva came,
and he got up and he started talking in הלכה with me!
ואמרתי לו בני,
I said,
"Wait,
wait,
I have a question for you:
מי העלך?
How did you get out?
What happened?"
אמר לי,
דף של ספינה נזדמן לי,
there was a plank of wood from the ship that was there next to
me,
וכל גל וגל שבא עלי,
and every wave and wave that came upon me,
נענעתי לו ראשי,
I bowed down my head to it.
Rabbi Akiva,
in the משל that we're giving now,
was in a place where there was a urges coming one after the other,
wave,
wave,
wave.
It was threatening to drown him,
but he knew I just have to hold on,
duck my head,
the wave is going to pass by itself.
Maybe Rabbi Akiva had his דף,
maybe it was his דף יומי,
who knows?
But he had his דף,
whatever it was his anchor was.
He had his מקומך אל תנח,
hold on to your place.
The wave is going to come,
the wave is going to crash,
and you're going to be saved and get out on the other side and
דאווען שחרית on time the following morning.
You can be saved.
So,
the first point we made,
identify the יצר הרע.
The second one was distract the יצר הרע.
And the third one we just discussed now was delaying,
delaying for 10 minutes and recognizing that even if you feel,
but I can't delay,
it's getting stronger,
it's getting stronger,
it's getting too strong,
it's overwhelming for me,
don't worry,
it's going to crash by itself.
Now who do we learn delay from?
Who was the master of delay who taught us this principle?
יעקב אבינו.
Going back to the same theme that we said before that עשו is representing
the יצר הרע,
ויאמר נסעה ונלכה ואלכה לנגדך.
The יצר הרע is saying to עם ישראל,
let me be with you.
Let's be friends,
we'll walk together.
ויאמר אליו אדני ידע כי הילדים רכים והצאן והבקר עלות עלי ודפקום יום אחד
ומתו כל הצאן.
I don't know if I can handle this.
If I'm going to walk with you,
it's going to push me too fast,
it's going to kill me.
If I'm going to walk alongside together with you,
it's going to destroy me.
If I'm going to see the יצר הרע as my partner and we're going
to walk together,
I'm going to die.
יעקב אבינו says,
I can't walk with you.
So what does he say?
יעבר נא אדני לפני עבדו,
you go ahead,
you walk ahead,
ואני אתנהלה לאטי.
That wave,
let it keep going.
That urge,
let it keep going,
meaning you're holding strong and the wave is passing by,
and I'm going at my own pace.
I don't have to be involved,
I don't have to respond.
The יצר הרע,
the wave,
the temptation,
the urge is growing and growing,
but I'm remaining calm on the side,
I have a strong place,
מקומך אל תנח,
לרגל המלאכה,
I need to do my own work,
והילדים,
אשר אבוא אל אדני שעירה.
I'll meet you later on in שעירה.
When do they meet in שעירה?
They never meet in שעירה.
You say to the יצר הרע,
I'm not saying no.
I'm just saying right now I'm busy.
I'm delaying it,
I'm pushing it off a little bit.
Right now I'm involved.
I'm involved in doing Sudoku,
I'm involved in minus 13 from the number 5,005.
I'm busy.
The urge is coming,
it's getting stronger,
but you have to join me!
You have to join me!
You have to join me!
Like that secret agent said to the prince as he was walking along,
you can't say no!
An authoritative voice:
You can't say no!
But he says,
I'm coming,
I'm coming,
at my own pace,
I'm coming at my own pace.
10 minutes passed.
You were distracted with something else,
and then the urge is going to be past,
and you're able to move on with something else without him destroying you.
That was the second-to-last point.
The last point,
and this is the real finale,
with this last point everything is going to work,
without this point,
everything we've said now is not going to work.
There's a level of self-confidence,
of belief in oneself that a person has to have in order for any
of these methods to work.
If you know the יצר הרע is external to you,
you say,
I know,
but I'm weak.
And if you know that you can distract yourself,
you say,
I know,
but I don't know if I can do it.
And if you know that the urge is going to pass after 10 minutes
or so,
and you just have to delay,
but you say,
I know,
but I don't know if I'm strong enough to be able to do it.
If you don't have a belief in yourself that you can handle this,
that you can take this,
then all these methods that we spoke about until now,
you're not going to activate.
You're just going to say,
they're great ideas,
Rabbi.
They're great ideas,
you know,
we'll put it in a book,
we can sell it,
we'll make a lot of money.
You'll never make money selling books,
I can tell you that.
Either way,
you could publicize it,
you can give a שיעור,
great,
but it's not going to work for me,
because I don't know,
I just,
I'm not that strong.
It's not in my DNA.
It's not my makeup,
it's not my build,
it's just not who I am.
So,
this last point,
which is,
as I said,
going to hold it all together,
the most essential point,
it's showing that the belief that we can hold strong is the very nature
of עם ישראל.
It's what we're made for,
it's who we are.
The פסוק says in שמות,
ל״ד,
ויאמר אם נא מצאתי חן בעיניך ה׳,
ילך נא ה׳
בקרבנו,
כי עם קשה ערף הוא,
וסלחת לעוננו ולחטאתנו ונחלתנו.
Now,
this פסוק doesn't make any sense at all.
משה רבינו is coming to speak on behalf of the Jewish people,
and he's saying Hashem,
you have to forgive them,
you have to...
You know why,
Hashem?
Now,
why?
Why?
Tell me why.
Okay,
I'm listening.
Moshe,
what's your claim to why I should save the Jewish people?
So,
maybe he's going to say,
they feel really bad about it,
maybe he says they're a nation who is going to change their ways,
they're going to fix their ways,
they're going to improve,
they're going to do תשובה.
That would be a good answer,
right?
What does Moshe say?
You know why,
Hashem?
ילך נא ה׳
בקרבנו כי עם קשה ערף הוא,
they're really stubborn!
Moshe,
please!
That's not the right answer.
That's the wrong phrase,
you've pulled out the wrong...
There was a list of good phrases and bad phrases,
you were looking at the wrong list.
עם קשה עורף,
that's the answer you're giving?
That's the reason why Hashem is gonna save us?
How is the phrase עם קשה עורף a reason why Hashem is gonna save
us after the sin of חטא העגל?
We've sinned,
we've done an עבירה,
why is being stubborn good for us?
The מהר״ל says,
listen to this one,
מהר״ל says:
משה רבינו is saying to הקדוש ברוך הוא,
"You're right they sinned.
You're right.
So what does that show?
They have a trait of being stubborn.
But that very same trait of being stubborn used in the negative,
that same trait can be used for the positive,
and that's gonna show You,
Hashem,
how loyal they're gonna be to You throughout history.
It's the very nature of the Jewish people that we can hold out strong.
We're a stubborn nation.
מקומך אל תנח,
don't let go of your place.
It's the very DNA of the Jewish people."
So whenever a person feels,
"Yeah,
but I'm weak,
I don't have the strength," just have that phrase,
עם קשה עורף,
אני קשה עורף,
I'm strong,
I can hold out.
And when you feel that weakness,
you don't believe you can do it,
just say a very simple phrase:
I can and I will.
Now,
what is that double phrase there?
"I can" means I believe that I have the ability to.
I can,
I can do it.
But there's another phrase which is "I can,
but I don't want to."
No,
but "I will."
You have to say both phrases.
You have to say "I can",
I believe that I can,
I have the belief,
that's "I can",
and you have to say "and I will",
I have the motivation,
I have the desire.
So when that יצר הרע is coming to you,
and he starts with the to-ing and fro-ing,
and he turns,
he's coming back and the forth,
first of all,
you externalize him.
You say,
"That terrorist,
that pushy salesman,
Nick,
don't bother me with this again!
You're doing your job,
I'm doing mine,
and I'm laughing all the way to גן עדן!"
And then that already externalizes him,
puts you in a much stronger place.
Then,
you say,
"Okay,
but I can't remain like this,
it's not gonna be good for me.
I have to get distracted,
I have to get involved in something else."
And then you do whatever it is that you do.
It could be sports,
it could be a phone call,
it could be a shower,
it could be math,
it could be learning גמרא,
whatever it is,
learning,
saying פסוקים,
get involved in something else.
How long for?
How long do you have Well,
just knowing the metabolism of it all,
around ten minutes should be enough.
As long as that urge has the main urge has passed.
Once that main urge You just delay,
think of the wave,
think of רבי עקיבא holding on strong onto his plank of wood,
the urge is gonna break by itself.
You don't need to stop it.
You don't need to say,
"It's gonna build and build,
I have to stop it,
I have to respond."
You don't need to respond,
it's gonna break by itself.
Let it break by itself,
let it break!
And you laugh as it goes past you,
and you remain strong.
And this last point:
I can and I will.
I have the belief that I'm able to overcome it.
עם קשה עורף,
we're we're a strong nation,
we can do it.
And I'll finish off with a story of someone who was able to do
it,
and he can be a role model for us.
סנהדרין דף ל״א עמוד ב׳.
שלחו ליה למר עוקבא דלזיבליה כבר בתיה.
So there was a nickname of מר עוקבא,
which was that he shined,
זיבליה,
he shined,
כבר בתיה,
like the son of בתיה,
meaning משה רבינו.
It's a strange name,
no?
Why did they call him that name?
So רש״י gives two interpretations.
I'm going for the second one.
מצאתי בספר אגדה שהיה מר עוקבא בעל תשובה,
נתן עיניו באשה אחת ועלה לבו טינא ונפל בחולי.
מר עוקבא had a desire for a woman that was so strong that he
became physically sick from his urge and his temptation,
his desire for that woman.
ואשת איש היתה,
but she was a married woman.
לימים נצרכה ללוות הימנו.
A very unfortunate situation happened,
she lost all of her money,
and she came to מר עוקבא to borrow money.
ומתוך דוחקה,
and in her sorrow state,
נתרצית לו,
she agreed to have relations with him.
And this was the woman who he was physically sick because of desire for,
and she's now offering him to sin together!
וכבש יצרו,
and he overcame his desire,
ופטרה לשלום,
and he let her go without sinning,
ונתרפא,
and he became healed from his sickness.
וכשהיה יוצא לשוק,
היה נר דולק בראשו מן השמים.
Hashem was so happy with him that there was a heavenly light that went
above his head wherever he walked!
ועל שם כך קרי ליה רבי נתן צוציתא,
and therefore they called the name like light,
or flash,
or light,
and that's why he was like משה רבינו,
who also there was a light that shone from him.
So you see with this something unbelievable.
הקדוש ברוך הוא has instilled in our very nature,
עם קשה עורף,
that we can hold strong.
I can and I will.
And if you do,
there's a special feeling,
a special סייעתא דשמיא,
a special light that הקדוש ברוך הוא carries with you for that ability to
hold strong.
So just to summarize everything we just said today.
This was the part three of the four-part series.
One,
ideally avoid the situation to begin with.
If you're in a situation where there's an urge,
first externalize the יצר הרע,
call him a name,
have a phrase which you are able to externalize him and make him not
part of you,
identify him as something external.
Then distract yourself.
You're fulfilling a מצוה דאורייתא of ולא תתורו,
according to the בעל התניא.
Rejoice over the fact that the thought came,
because it gives you the opportunity to overcome it,
like that's the מצוה of בכל לבבך,
to destroy the יצר הרע and not give in to temptation.
You're fulfilling a מצות עשה,
or you get the reward as if it's a מצות עשה.
And that gives you a sense,
not of depression,
"Why is this happening to me?",
but of joy.
And I'm going to emphasize again,
and even if it happens for your whole life,
even if it's week after week,
month after month,
year after year that it comes to you,
it's fine.
That could be your purpose in life.
הקדוש ברוך הוא gave it to you to overcome again and again,
like someone who's a warrior who is great at war,
they say,
"The biggest battle we're going to give you,
because we know you can handle it."
If Hashem gives you that big test,
it's because He believes in you,
He knows you can handle it.
Distract yourself,
delay for around 10 minutes by getting involved in something else until the urge
passes,
and the final one is have the belief,
"I have the belief that I can hold strong."
Having that belief in myself that I know I can hold strong,
I can and I will overcome this,
just like עם קשה עורף,
it's in our DNA,
just like מר עוקבא who was able to do it,
and הקדוש ברוך הוא's light shone for him,
that will give you the ability to then ride it through.
בעזרת השם,
next week on Tuesday,
Tuesday at 6:00 next week,
we'll have part four,
which is a המשך of this same idea,
but giving other tools and skills to hold strong in time of temptation.
יישר כח.