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Mary McGuire from Mentoring Tucson's Kids joins Stephen today to discuss the role a mentor plays in the life of a kid, practical ways to overcome trauma, and some resources for equipping mentors to have those awkward or difficult conversations with their mentee in the modern age.
Show Notes
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What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. I I I I'm Steven. Yes. I don't know why I have to say my name every time we do this. Let me let me start over.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven, and I'm here with a very special guest, Mary Maguire from Tucson, Arizona. Mary, how are you doing today?
Speaker 3:Steven, thank you so much for having me. I'm actually doing fabulous this Thursday morning.
Speaker 2:Come on. Well, Mary is doing a lot of stuff. So let me let me walk people through this. She's the executive director of 2 mentoring organizations, Mentoring Tucson's Kids and 1 on 1 mentoring in Tucson. She has been spending her life, I mean, the last 17 years working with children, families, young adults, and adults in social work.
Speaker 2:She's the chair of the Southern Arizona Mentoring Coalition. I don't know if there's any other titles you could have, Mary, but I'm really excited to have someone who knows what she's talking about on the podcast. That's not a shot at anyone else, but I'm excited to to have you on today to talk about mentoring. Mary, what what drew you to the mentoring sphere? What drew you into spending the last 17 years doing doing this stuff?
Speaker 3:That's a great question, Steven. So I'll just share a little bit about my background because it definitely all builds into it. So I was born and raised in Tucson. I came from a loving 2 parent home, and it's honestly like a miracle my parents admit this, but they're still married. I have 3 brothers, and, and we, we definitely did not grow up with a whole lot of money.
Speaker 3:My parents loved us and did an amazing job raising us, education was always emphasized, but there is, because life was always so busy, I distinctly remember in my high school years really wanting, wanting somebody that I could talk to that was an adult, that I could be completely open and transparent with about things going on in my life and questions that I had that I just, like my family didn't really talk about, that I didn't feel comfortable talking with my parents about, and how I really could have used dementia during those critical years to help navigate things like relationships, like future life goals, emotions. And so so I was definitely blessed to go to college back east. I went to a small liberal arts college outside of Philadelphia, and, and it was such a transition to go from, from living here to there to not really knowing anybody. It was definitely an academically rigorous school, an amazing institution, and I just, I don't think I was emotionally prepared for, for what that looked like. And so, so I was invited to meet with the Dean of Students, put on academic probation my sophomore year, and invited to meet with the Dean of Students for for support.
Speaker 3:And, and initially my past experience had been more of, like anybody in authority positions had definitely been more of an authoritarian approach where it was a a hierarchy, and this man was just amazing. His name is Ted, but we called him Teddy, and he met with myself and several other students that I didn't realize that they were also struggling in some areas, until we actually talked about it one day. And he would meet with us weekly for a semester and his approach was really like a venture. And he just would sit down with us, talk about life, ask how we were doing, he validated what we were feeling and going through, and normalized it and encouraged us, really spoke life into us and shared his life as well. And so after that semester, I asked him if we could continue meeting, like, through the years until I graduated.
Speaker 3:And so he was a huge part of why why I graduated and just having that support, that advocate. So it was the first mentor that I had, and then I actually came back home after college because I realized what warm weather was like versus like cold, rainy, snow, ice, gray skies. And I started working at a group home of teenage girls. There was about 12 to 13 at the home at any time, and they were ages 13 all the way up to 17. And these young ladies were involved in the foster care system, on probation, just had a lot of trauma, and I wanted to do that because I always had a heart for just that age range and making a difference and knowing that if there's someone that's caring and loving, encouraging them, and walking through life with them, what a difference that made.
Speaker 3:I wasn't quite prepared for for how trauma really and their backgrounds and their mistrust for individuals had really affected them. So so honestly, I don't think I've I know I haven't ever been cursed at and hated as much in my life. My life was threatened at different points. And and it was just such a reminder, you know, of their own experience with those in authority. And then, you know, how when things are out of control, what they try and control.
Speaker 3:And so then I switched to working at a behavioral health agency, and I worked with children and families doing brief intakes, running some anger management groups for children, and doing some brief interventions. And then I switched to working in a young adult program. It was ages 16 to 22, and we were child family facilitators. We taught life skills and would provide support. It was brief counseling, but definitely not therapy.
Speaker 3:And and this is where I just saw, like, what an amazing difference mentors make. So a lot of what we did was mentoring. It wasn't necessarily billable through through the health insurance programs, but the informal part was really building those relationships. And so the youth that we worked with, they were involved in the foster care system, probation, Department of Developmental Disabilities. There's all sorts of different backgrounds and agencies involved.
Speaker 3:But what I saw was that they would come in and sit in the waiting room area, and my office door is often open if we weren't meeting with anybody, and as they're waiting, they would just want to come in and sit and talk. And so we built relationships that way, and then often they would come in early for their appointments intentionally, or when they would run away from home, they would call us or just show up and say, hey, we just wanna let you know that we're safe. We can't tell you where we're at because we know you have to call someone, but we just wanna check-in and let us let you know that that we're okay. And then some of them would get detained because of violating probation, and then they would actually come and visit us when they got out, or they would stay in touch even after they graduated the program. And and we absolutely it was such a great group of people to work with, my colleagues, and what made a difference was how we just loved these kids and built relationships, and they knew that we genuinely cared.
Speaker 3:And so during that time, I was finishing my master's on in social work, and I took a position. It was an amazing job before through a maternal child health grant program, and I supervised graduate students and their internships through there, and it was medical social work. I worked with children and adults diagnosed with cystic fibrosis and children diagnosed with severe asthma clinically, and then we did a lot of community based training. And then about 2 years ago, two and a half, no, two and a half years ago, this opportunity came up as the former executive director and founder was retiring, and it was something that I always had a vision to, to do something like this because I know like how impactful mentors had been in my life, and then and then in these children's lives that we'd worked with, and so I thought like, I took time, I prayed about it, because I knew it would mean changing so many things in my life, and and here I am. So it's definitely been a journey, but knowing, like, knowing and hearing so many stories about how mentors have made a difference and knowing what Guy can do through one person, it's definitely worth it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Well, I I love you just unpacking your journey, and I think relationships are a journey in themselves. And you having experienced walking so many people through difficult challenges and you relating it all back to Teddy and saying, he disarmed me by being authoritative, but an an authority figure that normalized my experience that Mhmm. Was kind of a disruption of what you expected to to have.
Speaker 2:And I I think that I'd I'd love to to ask you some questions just about mentoring and how it relates to that disarming like, that disruption, that healthy disruption. Obviously, kids from hard places have had some disruptions in their life, but none of them Mhmm. Are particularly positive. And so that to be given a positive disruption, I think, is is really impactful. My first question for you is is just when you think of the role of a mentor, what what's the most important part a mentor plays in the life of a kid?
Speaker 2:I think I mean, you you've kinda shared a bunch of buzzwords. You were like kids dealing with anger anger management, needing interventions, living in group homes, walking through foster care, running away, being detained, like, all of this stuff. Is there a theme that every kid needs in a mentor? Is there a role that every mentor could play? And if you could share a story, that that would help our mentors illustrate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I would say, the biggest part is the unconditional love. Like building that relationship where knowing that so many of our kids have, have gone through relationships where trust is broken. And, and these are people that they loved and told them that they loved them. And so first, like, building that relationship, and that is like the unconditional love. And with that also comes, like, setting healthy boundaries and what that looks like, because a lot of our kids too haven't learned that in relationships.
Speaker 3:And once there's that that trust and relationship and unconditional love, knowing that whatever whatever our mentors say and do to encourage and love and support is always, like, having the best interest of their mentee at heart. And I feel like just for each one of us too, when we have that trust and that love and we've built that relationship, we know that when people speak into our lives and say things, even if they're hard to hear sometimes, that it's always to help us grow and move towards, towards our goals and where ultimately, like the best life that God has for us. So as far as stories, I've heard of, an amazing menturementee match that I've gotten to know the mentor, because, our mentee has is now like a young adult and graduated the program, but came from a low income I mean, 95% of our kids come from low income families, and so this mentor really saw something in her mentee as far as future goals and wanting to go to college and wanting to go out of state and have a different life. And a lot of times, because the youth that we work with live in single parent homes or involved in the foster care system, there isn't always necessarily that family support or understanding of what that means.
Speaker 3:And for a lot of parents too, it's it's tough because that's maybe their own only support is their child. And so this particular mentor mentee match, the mentor helps her apply for college. She actually got a scholarship out of state, and she moved away. And and she's it wasn't quite the timing for college, because she went through some different transitions. This mentor, mentee are still in touch, and she actually, the mentor lives here, but will fly out to the state that she's at and keep in touch and just check-in and so that part is like really, it's beautiful, and that's really what we hope and desire in all of our relationships is even after they finish with our program, whether it's a year or several years, that they continue to stay in touch.
Speaker 3:And even if it's, like, every 6 months, every year, just to check-in, but our youth know that they have somebody that they can count on and stay in touch with. So that's definitely one of ours. And we have several other stories where there's just been several challenges that our youth have gone through, and it is like a cycle where there's building that relationship and then there's the push and pull as I'm sure so many of the the mentors, and mentoring programs have seen. But, ultimately, like, having that solid foundation where years down the road, they're still in touch. Our former executive director and founder who started our community based program back in 96, he's still in touch with his very first mentee that was started, so it's really neat to kinda see those generational things.
Speaker 3:And then for myself, when I left when I left the behavioral health agency and working with young adults, I actually signed on to be a volunteer mentor for 3 of those young women. And so one of them, she would change cell phones so often that we lost touch, unfortunately, but I'm still in touch with the other 2. And and it's a constant reminder of loving, like praying for them, and loving them where they're at and still seeking life and to where the plans and purposes God has for them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. And I like a word you used earlier was, like, rootedness that that, like, a a mentor gives gives a grounding in a sense to to a kid that maybe within life's transitions. And I mentioned a lot of kids like that in school, they're like, I get a teacher for a year, and then I get new teachers.
Speaker 2:And
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's like you're you're starting the cycle over and over again or you move, and you're going to a new school, and you have to build all these new relationships. Like, a mentor can be this place of rootedness that is is just consistent and a support that you need. I I wanna mention one thing that you said, and and maybe I heard you wrong, but you were talking about family support and, a child wanting to go to college. But I I I think I heard you correctly that that a family walking through poverty or having a low socioeconomic status may see a child as a child plays a support role within the family, and so them going off to school may may cost the family dearly. Was that is that what you were getting at?
Speaker 3:Yes. And I and I don't believe that any parents intentionally put that on their children. At least I would hope not. But there are some families where as teenagers, the youth are working or it's and where it's only 1 or 2 children at home or the older ones are taking care of the younger ones or there's that emotional support system. And so what does that mean for the parent when a child leaves, and completely goes somewhere else?
Speaker 3:So then there's kind of that loss and so, and then there's also the different mental behavioral health issues that a lot of families within the parents or within the home that that there's those pieces as well. So it's really kind of really believing and speaking to the fact that every parent, like, truly we have to believe that they really love their child and want the best for them. And so really speaking to that as well when there are some of those discussions with the families of, you know, if this is if this is gonna affect your family, but you know, like, you wanna love and support your child in moving ahead in this area, what are other support systems that we can bring in to kind of help that? And I know it's not directly our role as far as mentoring, but I feel like that's part of the impact that we can also have on the family system where knowing that if this isn't addressed here within the family, then that really does impact the child's future in that mentoring relationship. So it's always like an individual case by case situation.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Well, I I just think that that perspective is very interesting, and I've never really considered it of how how a child's role in a family who struggles financially, that that role may be demanded that they stick around and have to give up dreams or aspirations in order to fulfill a a responsibility in the home. And a mentor could be sitting here thinking like, no. You need to go to college.
Speaker 2:You need to do all this stuff. And, like, our our mind is so set on the possibility of a hope and a future and that, but not acknowledging the huge barrier that some kids may face in the home. And so I just think that's that's super interesting and and gives a lot more empathy to how difficult it is to make that jump. And so let's let's talk about maybe some even more current events, like Mhmm. The the needs of youth are constantly changing.
Speaker 2:Like, some something Zach Garza, our our founder, we've been talking about was, like, how many books are there on youth mentoring? And it's like, a a lot of them were written in the nineties. And, like, don't talk about Snapchat or Mhmm. Don't don't talk about addressing current current events and current issues that are going on. And so I I'd I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on what resources you found to be helpful in equipping mentors in the modern age of, like, information and if there if there's anything that that you feel like mentor should start utilizing within their mentor relationships.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. That's also a great question. So we are still building our resource and toolkit because that's something that's that we've really looked at is that the the issues that our youth are facing are different today than 5 years ago, than even 10 years ago. And a big part of that is social media, and how, like, kids at 5 6 years old have a cell phone, and they have, like, access to Snapchat, they have access to Instagram, and and what type of messages they're getting from that. So we really try and make our our mentors aware of what's going on first, and and even our board as well.
Speaker 3:It was probably a few months ago that that I talked with our board about some of the issues that our youth are facing as far as the increasing depression, anxiety, and suicide rates of our youth and that it's starting younger and younger. And just keeping in mind too that because we all have different focuses in our lives that that I sometimes stop and assume that people know all of this and are aware of it, but that was a reminder that that not everybody, that this isn't their world, and this hasn't been their world. And so providing that, even basic education, that there are youth that because of social media bullying that end up committing suicide. And for some of our board members, like, that was mind blowing that they like, just trying to even understand that. So I would say providing awareness not only for our mentors, but for our staff, for our board of directors, that everybody is aware and can can can communicate that same message across the board as to the importance of mentoring, why we're doing what we're doing, and the benefits of it, and the issues that our kids are facing.
Speaker 3:So a second one is really, knowing with more of the research out there, the impacts of childhood trauma, and how the research has found that having that one consistent adult or person in their life encouraging them, speaking life over them, loving them can make all the difference in the world and can can help combat that trauma. So providing the education as well to our mentors, and then, again, to our staff, to our board, our volunteers, as many people as possible, because it's so easy to see the behaviors and think, like, oh, like, you know, what is wrong with this person? Versus asking, like, what happens? Like, where where did these behaviors start? Where are these things coming from?
Speaker 3:And what are you try what needs are you trying to get met by these behaviors? So that's another piece. We're still, there's life skills curriculum that I think just in general, there's certain developmental things that haven't changed that we wanna make sure that our youth are at least aware of, and if they wanna learn these different things, especially if they don't have anyone else teaching them or role modeling those things. And then 2, just healthy relationships. Like that identity and healthy relationships are 2 things that we're really looking at.
Speaker 3:Like, what tools we can give our mentors to have open and honest, transparent, and healthy conversations about that. I think the last piece for race relations, given everything, I mean, 2020 has been a whole I feel like there's so many issues in itself that we could talk about, with our kids, and and just even providing some helpful guidelines for our mentors for how to engage in those conversations. And we recently had a training that that we opened that up to. We had, doctor Damon Holt who's done a lot childhood trauma research and then also has done some training on different conversations of race relations and how to engage in those, and we opened that up to our mentors last week through through another training opportunity. So so there those are some of the pieces that I feel like always trying to keep aware of, like, what our youth are facing and how we can best support them because it's a lot.
Speaker 3:I feel I don't know. Like, our our kids are amazing with how they navigate all these different things.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. I I always question it it it's kinda like for mentors, we try to figure out how do we talk about current events with our kids, and then how do we how do we get to a place of understanding their issues, like the things that they're dealing with. And I can't tell you, like, I haven't talked to my mentee about social media. Like Okay.
Speaker 2:And I think for some for some mentors, like, the the question is maybe, like, how do I, like, how do I start that conversation? But I feel like with all of these questions, it's like, how do I start these conversations with the kid I'm mentoring? Is it just, like, we come up with a list of things we need to talk about? Or I I write them a question. I say, hey.
Speaker 2:What issues are you facing in life? Like, I don't know if a kid's gonna write down social media as an issue I'm facing in life. So I don't know if you have any thoughts on how how mentors can effectively start those conversations or if if that's something where you're looking for like, maybe even your organization is putting on an event, and we're gonna talk about this. Join with your kid. What what's your what's your take on starting those conversations?
Speaker 3:I mean, that's a great idea to do, like, a training just on that. I love that. I'm gonna make a note of that. I normally and I think I think this is really helpful to even just think about this as we're talking about it. My perspective is just normally just to ask, like, hey, like, tell me about, like, you know, are you on Instagram?
Speaker 3:Do you have Snapchat? Like, what's, like, what do you do? Like, what do your friends do? And often when I've asked that, they'll if they have a cell phone, they'll pull it up or they'll talk a little bit about what their friends post. And and so I'd probably just ask them, like, you know, how like, about your friends' pictures, like, how do they use it, have you ever you know, I'm kind of normalizing.
Speaker 3:Like, I've I've heard that a lot of a lot of times, like, people, like, post something and other people make, like, comments and and so just kind of asking those open ended questions and making it safe just to talk about. Even, like, through that, and and that's just actually something that that we've talked about in our staff meeting. And it's always a balance of, like, how much do we present at the very beginning, like, the first four hour training, and then how much do we do monthly at our support groups for online for, continuing training. But knowing too that a lot of times, as we know, like, people create fake social media accounts and try and, like, draw kids in, and for a lot of kids that are just looking for love and affection and attention, how easy it is to get drawn into that. So when I used to work in the young adult program, I was always having conversations with our youth about safety, like Internet safety and what that looks like, because a lot of them would get connected.
Speaker 3:And I know now it's so much easier with all the different apps that are out there, but a lot of them would be convinced that this person was truly who they say they were, what they looked like, and had all these promises that they were gonna give them. And then it, unfortunately, sometimes it end up in, like, an abusive relationship or, it wasn't what they had hoped it to be. And so so I think just being open to have those conversations in a nonjudgmental, and that's I think that's so hard because you wanna tell them, like, don't do this. You know, this is dangerous. But kind of asking those questions and maybe even using some of the motivational interviewing to kind of get them thinking about, like, what do I really want?
Speaker 3:What is this person after? Safe? So I don't know if that kind
Speaker 2:of answers your question. Well and I think for mentors, it's kinda like we all
Speaker 3:know moms are, like,
Speaker 2:hypervigilant or I I can't speak for all moms, but, like, they're good at trying to ask questions in a way to, like, evaluate how something's going on. But, like, really careful not to come off as, like, judgmental or whatever. But I I think in a way, kids can pick up really, like, when you're asking because you're interested versus you're asking because you're trying to evaluate, like Mhmm. How they're doing or whatever. And I think that building an awareness of where your kids at, like, has to be yeah.
Speaker 2:The the nonjudgmental part is the the hard thing to do, which I I I feel like there may be situations where you need to know, like, hey. Like, this is what I'm seeing, and what do you think about like, how is this helping you? And so do you think a mentor should be having those hard conversations and and not just kind of seeing where you're at. I'm thinking that some of our mentors would approach mentoring just as that. Like, I am an intervention.
Speaker 2:And so, hey. I see what you're doing. You don't you need to move over here. Like, that's Right. That's a conception of mentoring I think a lot of people have.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. But that's not necessarily what you're talking about.
Speaker 3:Well, and I think it comes down to people's because everyone has different personalities and the relationship that you have with your mentee. So some people, like, you know, they've already built that relationship, and they'll just go straight in. They'll be like, hey, I'm really worried about you. This is what I see. And for some of the kids, they'll appreciate that.
Speaker 3:For others, it may be more of that, like, just learning about, like, them and and how they're doing social media. And I I think it also comes down to, like, who are the parents and guardians, and are they having these conversations? Do they even know that they should be having these conversations? I feel like some of our parents and guardians, they are so overwhelmed with just the day to day that it's survival, and so that's probably not even on their radar. And so that's where I feel like if that conversation isn't being had at home, then that would be a conversation for the mentor to have with their mentee.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's really good. Probably the the thing I loved most about your answer to the question, you had said teaching healthy relationships. And I think it's so easy for us to not recognize how significant it is to give a kid a healthy relationship and how much that can inform other relationships. Because I it it makes me think about the healthy relationships in my life, and they become this, like, signpost or, like, compass of where my other relationships are.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. And and so for for mentors to understand, like, hey. You're teaching them one of the greatest skills they will ever have in life, and that's understanding what a healthy relationship looks like. And so I I thought that was a profound thing that we would probably overlook really easily as mentors because we think, oh, I need to teach him how to change a tire, and am I effective? Did he do it fast enough?
Speaker 2:All this stuff. And, really, we're just teaching them how to have relationships.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. It is. And just even, like that was another thing that I saw was that, like, for ourselves, if we if there's unhealthy things that we've been exposed to growing up where we've seen unhealthy relationships between our parents or whoever raised us, and and we think that that's the norm. Like, that's how it should be, and so then we continue that cycle. And and so conversations that I've had with with youth before are just kind of going over, like, well, like, what is, like, an abusive relationship look like?
Speaker 3:What does an unhealthy relationship look like? And what does a healthy relationship look like? And why do you think that? Like, what have you seen? And because and often I would have this conversation if I would hear about or see the relationships that they've been in, and and it's like we're more protective of our own relationships.
Speaker 3:And so I would often ask them, you know, because they weren't ready to to see that in their own relationship, but then I would ask them to tell me about their friends. And, like, have they seen unhealthy relationships with their friends or parents or other friends' parents or abusive relationships? Like, do any of those things stand out? And are there couples that they've seen that seem to have, like, a really healthy relationship, and why is that? There's a documentary out there called Paper Tigers.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you've heard of it. There's a forum that I'm gonna participate in on Sunday night, and they're gonna show it. And I saw it initially as part of, 11 logic, trauma informed care training. And and it just it really spoke to the difference that that a mentor can make. And just even when we have those relationships with our youth and we get to see inside their world and see all these different parts, and how how they've never seen, like, a healthy relationship between their parents or what that looks like, but actually seeing it and knowing that it's possible.
Speaker 3:That it's never gonna be perfect, but it's possible. Like you were saying, Steven, give them something I feel like it provides the opportunity to give them something to aspire to. Like, this is how it could be, and I want that. But these are the changes that I need to make and the healing that I need to get in order to have that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I can't think of a more, I I guess, yeah, healthy disruption of you having a healthy friend and it causing you to consider, like, whether whether you're you're in abusive relationships or you have the wrong friends. Mhmm. And I love your recommendation of asking people about their friends' friends and not just their own personal because they may have have an attachment that's, like, unhealthy. And so you could be in an abusive relationship and not recognize it personally.
Speaker 2:So I'll I'll I'll look up paper tigers. It sounds really interesting.
Speaker 3:It is. I mean but bring your tissues, though.
Speaker 2:Okay. Well, this is this is a ridiculous question to finish our time because we could probably spend another hour talking about it. But just are are there any practical ways for mentors to disrupt cycles of trauma in the kids that they're mentoring? And I wonder if you could just give us an example of what what that might look like. Because I I think that that's that's probably the thing that mentors want to do the most.
Speaker 2:They're like, yes. I want to help help my kid break off cycles of trauma and walk in fullness? And so what what practically could that look like for a mentor?
Speaker 3:Gosh. That's a really that's a big question. I do I really feel like and it's tough because we're in this role of mentor and it's not like a therapist, and how do we you know, there is counsel that's given, but again, it's, you know, often there's more intensive, like, therapy that's needed to to work through that, and even, like, biblical, like Christian, like, counseling and prayer and all those different pieces. But I feel like it really does come down to that loving relationship and, like, building that relationship, and again, like, going back to building that trust and that transparency, because knowing that none of us have it all together, and sharing I feel like sharing, like, when it's appropriate, our own backgrounds and stories, because a lot of times I feel it, and I've heard this from kids that I've worked with where they see where you're at today, and they think, like, you can't understand, like, you can't relate, and then they hear your story, and they're, it's like, like the veil just drops, and it's like, okay, like, you're here. You kind of look like me.
Speaker 3:Like, even when we look at race and culture, and gender, like, you look like me. You've been through similar things. If you can do it, then there's hope for me. And so that's where I feel like building that relationship, the trust, the love, the unconditional love with boundaries when needed, and that consistency, so knowing that that whatever they've done, whatever they've walked through, that you'll still be there, that you'll still love them. So I feel like that's kind of the biggest foundational piece.
Speaker 3:And then there's, a lot of youth that I've worked with too, they would they would meet with me because I wasn't a therapist per se, and we would talk about stuff, but they would say, like, oh, no, like, I don't need therapy. I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna sit on the couch and talk about my problems. I don't need, like, you know, I don't need medication, like, and knowing that that there is some serious stuff going on. And just even in having that relationship built and that love and that trust, being able to say, let me explain to you, like, what therapy is and that it's not.
Speaker 3:It doesn't mean that there's stuff wrong with you. Like, everybody goes through things, and and this doesn't have to be forever. Like, this is very, like, specific, short time, and that knowing too that I'm still gonna be here. Like, I'm not leaving you because, like, you're doing therapy, that we're doing this together. And so, so I feel like even that, like, when that within that safety of that relationship that's been built, you can have conversations with them that, like, you wouldn't have been able to have, like, 3 months prior or 6 months prior.
Speaker 3:They wouldn't have received it in the same way.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I think that when you talk about mentors resourcing kids to other services, like a therapist or or someone, that that dynamic of saying, hey. This isn't me saying that I don't wanna be in a relationship with you. It's that I I want you to get the help that you need. And it's it's hard for I guess, in our in our culture, when you tell someone that they need help somewhere else, what you're really telling them or what's heard is that you don't want me or I'm too hard for you or I'm too difficult.
Speaker 2:And so I love I love kind of what you said of just making sure that we're clarifying, like, we're not going anywhere. And to anytime we're resourcing them to something, it's not it's not a rejection. Mhmm. It's we want what's best for them. And
Speaker 3:Mhmm. And
Speaker 2:I I I mean, I don't know if you have an encouragement to finish on that of, like, how do we reaffirm that practically and and keep them from from believing that we're we're saying, like, you're too hard. Bye. Go go get a counselor.
Speaker 3:Right. Right. And I I think that's where if your mentor is willing to because I know everybody, you know, every child has things that, that they're working on just like all of us, but if the mentor can work and stay involved and still the child have a therapist and work on stuff, then they often can work together. And there may even be sessions where the therapist would invite the mentor in and talk about, like, how they can best support them. What I've always told the kids that that I've worked with is, like, I'm not a doctor, so if your leg was broken, like, I couldn't help you.
Speaker 3:Like, you know, I would say, you need to go to a doc, I'm still gonna be here. Like, I'm gonna love you and support you, but you need to go to a doctor because the doctor's the one that can help, like, fix your leg. And so it's the same thing that I told them, like, you know, I'm just not I know that there's so much more that this person can offer you that I'm just not equipped to offer at this time. But, again, like, I'm not going anywhere. I'm still gonna be a support here, but they can offer you things to work through some of the things that you talked about that I just I'm not equipped to do at this time.
Speaker 3:So and usually when there's that, like, releases of information sign, then the therapist can share with the mentor too of, like, hey, these are things that you can be doing to help your mentee. And and the more it really is, like, that saying that it takes a village to raise a child, that it is. Like, it's your support system. And and I think normalizing that for our kids too, especially, like, when we've gone through challenges, sharing, like, you know, like, when we've gone through challenges, sharing, like, you know, I've gone through, like, therapy. I've met, like, I've met with somebody, like, again, it wasn't forever, and I learned a bunch of different tools that can help me, and that's why I'm encouraging you as well.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's so good. One more reason to mentor with others and particularly with organizations that could help be greater resources to the kids that you're serving. Mary, I have so many more questions, so we'll have to have another time to have you on the podcast.
Speaker 3:But part 2.
Speaker 2:Yes. But so thankful for for you and your investment. How can people reach reach you at Mentoring Tucson's Kids? And maybe you could even tell us just kind of the the vision for your organization as well.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. So our website is www.mentoringtussons. It's t u c s o n s, kids, k I d s dot org, and contact information is on there. And as far as the future vision, one of the things that we started doing this past August was having a monthly virtual mentor support group. So we would do initially our first 4 hour training, and then our mentor coordinator would follow-up at 3 months, 6 months, and then a year with the match.
Speaker 3:And there's always the monthly reports that our mentors would send. They were welcome to call if they have concerns. But what I found is when we would host our monthly events that, not all the mentors knew each other. They only knew each other if they had shown up to the events before or gone to the different trainings. So knowing that we're always learning and knowing that there's always different things that come up, we wanted to have more of a support system for our mentors because we feel like the better we mentor our mentors, the better mentors they're gonna be.
Speaker 3:So the more support we provide them, the more support they can provide their youth. And knowing too that, like, this is a helping profession, this is giving of ourselves, so we wanna make sure that they're also getting, like, that in filling as well. So we started that in August and the thought is to better help our mentors connect with each other for us to kinda check-in for our more experienced mentors to share some things that have worked well for them and then to have ongoing, like, short training. So we're actually having one tonight and we're gonna focus a little bit more on motivational interviewing for adolescents and young adults of how to kind of engage them in those questions. So that's one of the things and then really providing more in-depth training, like, opening the opportunity for, more trauma trainings for our mentors that wanna take advantage of that.
Speaker 3:And then my heart's hopes and desire, Steven, is that right now since we focus on ages 6 to 17 and just knowing that, like, our brains don't stop developing until young adulthood and that that's also such a critical time period. I would love once we build up what we're doing here with the kids to expand to a young adult mentoring program. And I know it would look a little bit different, but I feel like still having that so that if a youth is, like, 20 and it's, like, I'm really struggling and need some support and help that we can't that we can tell them, like, hey. We have this young adult mentoring program, and we can help support you, and and it looks different than a child one, but there's still that connection. So that is my hearts, hopes, and desires because I know that when we look at our lives, like, when we look at that critical period as a young adult, how our decisions can take us one way or the other, and and it makes such a big difference.
Speaker 3:So so that's my my future hope and prayer.
Speaker 2:Come on. It's amazing. Well, we'll link to your website in the show notes, and if any of our listeners have questions, they will be sure to hit you up. But thank you so much, and looking forward to having you on again.
Speaker 3:Awesome. Thank you, Steven. I really appreciate what you're doing here. This is amazing and such a blessing.