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Kamini Wood works with high achievers on letting go of stress, overwhelm and anxiety that comes with trying to do everything, and trying to do it all perfectly
Voiceover: [00:00:00] Rise Up Live, Joy Your Way. From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Kamini Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit. Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live. Rise Up Live, Joy Your Way
Kamini Wood: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way. Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time to spend here with me today. And today I wanted to see if we can just chat about healthy versus toxic relationships. Healthy relationships don't feel like this.
I wanna say that because a lot of people that I talk to, they don't actually know right off the bat that they might be in a toxic relationship. But when they say things like, [00:01:00] "You know, this doesn't feel good," right? It, it, those are moments to pay attention, 'cause sometimes there's not like this, there, there's not a big moment.
There's not a clear, um, this is wrong, this is abuse, right? That's not something that happens all the time. But there are healthy versus toxic dynamics. And so I just wanna start to name some of what that feels like. So, like, if you feel that you're always on edge, or you replay conversations afterwards, or you wonder if you said the wrong thing all the time, or you feel like you have to explain yourself or justify your feelings or, you know, um, over-explain or even let your partner know where you are at all times, those are indications of, first of all, that something deeper might be going on.
And also, it's important to recognize that over time, that's when you will start to question yourself. And this is where I think a lot of individuals get stuck because they'll say things like, "Okay, nothing bad is really happening here. There's no real issue. I just feel off." Right? And that off feeling, [00:02:00] that's, that's what I'm talking about.
That's what matters. Because healthy doesn't mean perfect. It doesn't mean that there's no conflict ever. But it does mean that you feel safe being yourself. It does mean that you don't feel like you have to monitor everything you say. You don't have to rehearse conversations over and over in your g- head or think about, like, oh gosh, and then if he or she says this, then I'll say this.
You don't have to constantly feel like you're managing the other person's reactions. So toxic dynamics don't always look super dramatic, right? Sometimes they look like things like, uh, being slow to speak up, or minimizing your needs, or carrying most of the emotional weight, and you become the one who explains more or apologizes first, or the only person who apologizes at all.
Um, you're the one who- who's tasked with keeping things steady. And then over time, you start to feel smaller and smaller and smaller. And then the question that changes Everything is instead of asking, "Do I trust them?" It is, um, more of [00:03:00] a, "Do I even trust myself in this relationship?" Right? That's the question.
It's not about them. It's about what's happening for you. Do you trust your own reactions? Do you trust your own feelings? Do you trust your own instincts? Do you trust yourself to make decisions? Do you trust your voice? Because if you constantly find yourself second-guessing, that's an important indicator to you that it may not be a healthy dynamic, but more of a toxic one.
Because when something doesn't feel right and you continue to push through and you continue to stay, there's usually a reason. Maybe you've learned, "Okay, if I stay longer, then, you know, I should stay because I need to give people the benefit of the doubt." Or you've learned that, um, to minimize your own discomfort or, you know, you have a value of, of commitment and loyalty and that value of commitment and loyalty starts to override just a commitment to self.
But here's something I wanna share with you. You don't need a dramatic reason, uh, for something to not feel [00:04:00] right. Subtle disconnection is still disconnection and constant tension is still constant tension. And this doesn't mean, um, by any means, I'm not saying that means you need to break up or leave the relationship at all.
That's not what I'm saying. It just, it-- I'm bringing this up to say when it feels off, it's an invitation to start paying attention. Start taking what you're experiencing seriously instead of just explaining it away or just saying, "Okay, it's no big deal today," or, you know, just pushing. A lot of us are taught to just push through that feeling.
So instead of that, it's just slowing down and taking stock of what it is that you're experiencing 'cause you are allowed, you know, to want something in relationships and to need something in relationships and, and you're, you're allowed to feel calm in your relationships and to feel emotionally safe and to feel grounded in your relationships.
So if you're constantly finding yourself adjusting or measuring or monitoring or walking on eggshells, um, [00:05:00] that's too much, right? And, and when you don't have to do that- That's healthy. And again, healthy doesn't mean there's zero conflict ever. It just means that you feel safe even in that conflict. I don't mean physically safe.
I mean emotionally safe. That psychological safety is a huge part of this. If you'd like to talk more about, you know, how coaching could help you really, you know, realign with yourself, walk through some of the things that you might be experiencing, you know, figure out what it is that you really want, and then also help you find the words to maybe communicate that. You can book a time anytime to chat with me at coachwithkamini.com, and until next time, stay well.
Voiceover: Thank you for listening to Rise Up Live Joy Your Way. For more information, Book a chat with Kamini at www.chatwithKamini.com, or visit her website at www.kaminiwood.com. You can also find Kamini on Facebook or Instagram username, [00:06:00] it's authentic me. Thank you for listening!