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Real men, real talk in real time. A mixture of guests and solo episodes talking all things mens health and performance...
Well, hello there. You and here belowy, if you didn't already know. Welcome back to the second installment of the modern man podcast. It's funny because I told myself I'd do this a long time ago, probably about a year ago, and it's been there an open loop in the back of my mind pretty much ever since to just start just start doing the podcast. Weirdly had a big moment of inspiration last week, so I started it.
Speaker 1:Maybe after the back of being a guest on the just one man podcast which is really really good. So I would 100% go and check those guys out. Some amazing guests, amazing setup, definitely a lot more professional than than my setup here right now that's for sure, and some really great topics to talk about, to listen to, to gain insights from. Yeah, that's a little unsolicited plug for those guys and I am feeling a little a little bit tired. Had a incredibly good bank holiday celebrating a couple of really really good mates wedding on Saturday.
Speaker 1:So yeah, fair few beers were had. Got definitely got away with not having as a severe hangover as I probably should have considering the amount of beers that I consumed. Although I can't can't speak for the stag that we had. Probably the worst hangover I've ever had when we went to Benedict. Hey, The whole point of today, I'll stop waffling, is to chat about a question that I get asked quite a lot and I got asked it again on the podcast that I went on a few weeks ago with with the guys over up in Mertha.
Speaker 1:And that question is, what is a modern man? What even is a modern man? And before I get into that, I wanna give you a little backstory. Some of you some of you listening may have seen, may have heard, may know me already. So you kind of know a little bit about where I've been and what I've done and gone through over the past ten years.
Speaker 1:In a nutshell, about ten years ago I had really really really really poor mental health. I was drinking a lot, doing drugs recreationally a fair bit and long story short, yes I did have some fun times for sure. A lot of the time I'd say the majority of the time I was anxious and these things would give me that momentarily moment momentary break from the anxiety that I was experiencing. Until it hit a pretty much a crisis point. I was having panic attacks daily.
Speaker 1:My mental health was horrendous. I had zero self awareness at the time of like the destructive behaviors, the avoidance. And I knew I was capable of so much more. But I had a bit of a wake up call when at Boardmasters Festival if any of you have been there. Good fun, good festival, some good good acts.
Speaker 1:Nice coastline down in Cornwall, lovely scenic spot as well. Yeah, it's on cocktail of stuff And then I remember a couple of the the lads back at the tent and we'd finished off the night had a little bit of weed. And then two seconds later, I could just feel this tingling which started in my feet and slowly crept its way all the way up my body just this weird fiery tingling to my head. And then I spoke like to the guys with me I was like, guys, I feel really weird. I think I'm gonna die.
Speaker 1:So that at that time then as well I could weirdly struggle to struggle to breathe, struggle to catch my breath, tried to just lie down and go to sleep but felt like I were just kept stop I just can't speak. The brain fog is real from the weekend. The breathlessness just kept coming back and it felt as though I was constantly just suddenly gasping for air like I was was stopping breathing. And so I took myself to the med tent wandered over, told them what was going on although I was really quite conscious, but there was this absolute whirlwind going on in my head and basically I wasn't quite the same since that long story short. Afterwards finding out that I was struggling with you know quite severe anxiety, had what what you'd call depersonalization derealization which is a symptom of anxiety, symptom of chronic stress.
Speaker 1:When you're under that much, your brain tries to protect you and so it kind of zones out. It kind of puts you in that spaceship so to speak. It's really hard to explain unless you've experienced it but think of it like sometimes you're you're not really there but you are. When it gets super severe, you are almost outside yourself and it's like you're looking down at your life like you're a sin. Kind of hard to explain like I said, so if you've experienced it you'll know.
Speaker 1:If you haven't experienced it, good. At the same time, it's very hard to imagine. And so from there I went on this journey of self exploration, self development, self discovery, because essentially I did not want to feel like that anymore. I knew like I said before that there was a lot more that I could give that I could do that I had within me so much potential, just physically, but also yes mentally, but also to be of service to others, and that I had I don't know why or where, but I had this gut feeling that I could help a lot of people and that's what I wanted to do. But first I needed to sort myself out, and that's kind of the origin of where the modern man arrived or how it came about was from that hardship that moment of real struggle and working my way through that through, like I said, trialing out loads of different things, learning about physiology, learning about psychology, digging into different methods also different schools of thought like you know CBT down the psychological route, like Jungian psychology.
Speaker 1:I'm not that clued up on it but I do know a little bit here and there. And then physiology and how that affects your psychology. So things like really dug into gut health, done loads of tests like poop tests, stool tests, blood tests, all these different things because my gut was in a mess and often yeah your gut and your brain are very very linked and so often when one is a little bit out of whack the other one can be or will be at some point. So yeah, just dug into all these things, listened to a lot, learned a lot and then applied because that's what really really makes change is the application of the things that you learn and there's that quote isn't there, knowledge is power. I think that's bullshit because it's not applied knowledge is power because that's what creates action and creates change to whatever it is that you want to achieve.
Speaker 1:And so I'll cut to the chase. What even is a modern man? I think it's not about the accolades, it's not about the outcome, it's not about the physique, the performance. Fully, yes, absolutely is somewhat we all want to achieve. I did a photo shoot a month ago.
Speaker 1:I can't say it's not about the outcome because it is, but I think it's more about the who, the person, the man that you become on the road on the way to achieving a goal. Going back to that story my goal was to become sound of mind again because the anxiety took over. And en route, yes, I went through a lot of self discovery, lot of challenge, a lot of trials tribulations. On the other side now, the man I've become is way more self aware, way more grounded, way more confident. Still a lot of work to do I believe, especially in that confidence area, but levels and worlds apart from where I was back then.
Speaker 1:There'd be no chance that I'd be on here chatting to you right now with a fair bit of confidence. So it's about focusing on the trajectory that you're on as opposed to the outcome. The actions, the behaviors, how you show up day to day. And so it's about character and it's not like, you have to become this man. You can be who you are, whatever.
Speaker 1:Not so much sex but whatever gender, you know, whoever you are. There is no set this is what a man is. It's living in alignment with the man that you want to be. So getting aware, which is why self awareness is key, of your values, your morals, the virtues that you want to embody throughout the day. Confidence, charisma, energetic, wisdom, gratitude.
Speaker 1:Getting clear on those because once you're clear on those you can align your day with those values and that is one of the biggest things to protect yourself psychologically as well, I believe. I think it's about, I say I think it is about getting your fundamentals right or another way of putting this and what I've learned is your positive psychology basics because once you've got those in a good spot that's like your foundation. You can then build and build and build and grow taller, better than than you ever could before. Because I know if you're like me you have this gut feeling that you you are and can be so so so good and you've got that potential to absolutely smash life, smash your career, smash your physical performance goals. And so these positive psychology basics getting your eating moving, sleeping breathing, social circle and savouring and gratitude for the things you have.
Speaker 1:And so these are these are the foundational layers of being a modern man and becoming a modern man. And I'll tell you a little story about one of the one of the modern men one of the OGs actually a couple years ago. I remember we were sat never normally do this but we sat in in my flat or my dad's flat where I was staying at the time. Cup of tea peppermint He'd, reached out initially on LinkedIn and Instagram. We sat there nice cup of peppermint tea in in hand just chatting about where he was at, what he wanted to achieve.
Speaker 1:He was in a pretty bad spot, definitely not feeling good within himself. He'd lost his driving license, He'd almost lost like his kids because of the behaviors and the the man that he was behaving as at that time or previous to that. Just unhelpful behaviors with drinking. Also, a little bit of dabbling into drugs and things like that. Not looking after himself, not eating well, not moving his body and it was having a big effect on a yes his mental health, his physical health, his family and one big big thing that he mentioned was that he was able to look himself in the mirror and be fully honest and upfront with where he had been.
Speaker 1:The honest truth that the behaviors he was embodying which weren't the ones that he wanted to be, that he knew he could. Know, addicted to bad behaviors, immoral at the time. Lying. These are these are words that he said and that his family had mentioned to him. I don't want to be that guy anymore.
Speaker 1:I lost my way. Yet he was here in my in my living room laying everything out on the table with full honesty. He's like, Ewan, I do not want to be that guy anymore. That is not me. I've lost my way.
Speaker 1:This is how I want to be. I lost the love of my life because she said she couldn't be with me because of the behaviors that I was embodying. She didn't want me to be around her and her kids. She wanted a model. He said I want to be that role model.
Speaker 1:Long story short he jumped in, we worked together, he literally committed to the man that he wanted to be every single day. Virtuous, grateful for what he had, confident in who he is underneath all those layers that had been plastered on over over time and over years and over the bad the I say bad over the not bad, over the behaviors that he was embodying. And now he's reconnected with his kids. He's actually marrying the love of his life that he'd lost through his behaviours. Completely did a 180.
Speaker 1:Sometimes frustratingly it's hitting that low point, it's hitting that point of crisis that makes you realize that actually do you know what I need to pull my finger out I need to do something. Because oftentimes it takes the pain of being in a really bad spot to give you that little wake up call, that little switch flex in your mind. Doesn't have to be that way, it can be through a moment of inspiration. However I do think that the unfortunate part of being human is that sometimes we have to get super super uncomfortable and be in that frustration, in that pain for us to start taking that action. Which is why I think a big thing to reflect upon is that trajectory like I spoke about earlier.
Speaker 1:Where are you going to end up if you continue with the same behaviors, same habits that you're currently doing? Stay the same Which ultimately will from what I've seen most likely end up in slight decline as we age. Are we going on the downward downward trajectory or are we making the switches making those changes and getting ourselves on that upward trajectory to the man to the outcome that we want as well. There's a really powerful training that we have in inside the modern man called 10 pillars for mental mastery, excuse me, which is really really powerful training to be able to direct your mind and think about the who, think about the what and think about the why. Because these things together can really really help you become that man that you want to be.
Speaker 1:Just give me a message, find me find me a message on Instagram if you want to check out that training I'll give it to you completely free, no no worries at all. And so that's what it's about really. The who, the what, and the why. Looking at that trajectory that you're on. Living in alignment with those things the who, the what, and the why.
Speaker 1:Getting clear on your values, knowing yourself, that self awareness, living with integrity, honesty, like Sam does now. Hope that helps, hope that's answered. Some kind of question that you may have had around what the hell even is a modern man. If I could put it into one sentence now, it's living in alignment with the man that you want to be, pretty much physically, mentally. And I'll leave you there.
Speaker 1:Hope you enjoy your bank holiday Monday for listening to this then and, yeah. Have a great week. Catch you all very soon.