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Mentoring can look like many different things. Sometimes you’re pouring into a single relationship with a child. Sometimes it’s multiple kids at the same time in a group setting. Sometimes you’re not even mentoring a child; you’re mentoring an adult. At the end of the day, the demographic of your mentee is irrelevant, because mentoring isn’t about WHO your mentee is. It’s about the relationship you’re building with them, through the ups and the downs, the best and worst, the mistakes, the lessons, and the wins. Mentoring is something that takes intentionality, and every mentor has a reason why they do that. Joel McMillan is the K-6 Site Lead at Forerunner Mentoring, and joins Josh on his summer takeover to talk through his own mentoring journey, including some pretty crazy encounters with God, having a sense of his calling even before becoming a Christian, working with adults battling addiction, and mentoring kids from hard places in the name of Jesus at Forerunner Mentoring.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators & Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Joshua Manning. By now, I'm sure you've gotten really familiar with my voice considering I've hosted the last, I don't know, 3 2, 3 episodes. And as you know, we are doing a Why I Mentor series. Zach and John.
Speaker 3:I don't know if they heard the first one but they still haven't really given me any feedback. So who knows what they think about this, but we're doing it anyway. Today, we have Joel McMillan in the house. Joel, how are you doing?
Speaker 4:Doing great. Glad to be here.
Speaker 3:Alright. Yeah. Joel is the k through 6 site lead at oh, I almost said you can mentor not you can mentor at 4 Runner Mentoring. Yeah. Joel is the the k through 6 site lead at at 4 Runner Mentoring.
Speaker 3:He is my counterpart. I'm the junior high site lead. So we've got 2 site leads in the house. Should be a good episode. I know Joel is just super passionate about mentoring.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, I'm excited to get into it. How are you feeling?
Speaker 4:This is gonna be great. Like, this is one of the first conversations that I feel like you've actually had because we only see each other during passing because you're
Speaker 3:at some
Speaker 4:you're at the school. I'm at the Yeah.
Speaker 3:We're you know, the junior high is in the junior high. K through six is at the at the 4 Runner site. And so, you know, we outside of passing conversations of, like, hey, what's up? You know, like, we don't ever really talk for an hour about mentoring, about experiences, about whatever. It's just kind of, you know we have prayer staff prayer on Wednesdays, and that's about it.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, that's about the extent of our interactions. Because, I mean, by the time I get there, you're in a van picking kids up, and then you drop the van off. I hop in, and we go over to the school. And then maybe there's 5 or 10 minutes at the end of program when we get back if y'all are hanging out there.
Speaker 4:That might be something. Like, you take my van, and somehow we're communicating that way.
Speaker 3:What do you mean by that?
Speaker 4:You know?
Speaker 3:That's a that's a lot.
Speaker 4:The van, then you take it. You have a choice of 4 other vans.
Speaker 3:That's true.
Speaker 4:Because we have a fleet of 5 vans.
Speaker 3:Right. That's true.
Speaker 4:And you always take mine. And do do you drive the van over, or does JT drive the van?
Speaker 3:The vast majority of the time I drive. The only time I don't drive the van is if I am doing something immediately after program where either I need to drive my personal vehicle over to the school or, for example, Thrive. JT will drive the van on Thrive nights because I'm headed right over to the high school. Not the high school, but the high school program. Right?
Speaker 3:And so he'll drive it there. So it really kinda depends. But I would say 80, 85% of the time, I'm the one driving. I drive to the school. I drive the route from the school.
Speaker 3:You know, those kinds of things.
Speaker 4:So Okay. I was gonna say, like, 85% of the time, you have to move the
Speaker 3:The seat. Yeah.
Speaker 4:The seat back. Like, for the record, I'm 5 foot, maybe 7. You're 64. 64?
Speaker 3:I'm 64.
Speaker 4:So, like and I drive I drive as close to the steering wheel as I possibly can get. And I mean, like, the seat is all the way up. Like, I look like a nerd while I'm driving, but that's just that's the way I roll.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I'm the complete opposite. Like, that seat has to be as far back as I can because I literally, like, can't fit in the van if it's not. So it it it it is this game of, you know, moving the seat back and forth and forth between the 2 of us. And, I mean, it doesn't bother me at this point.
Speaker 3:I just like, I open the door. I reach down and and Yeah. You already know. Pull it back out.
Speaker 4:The drill.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I've got this down to, like, a 2 second maneuver as I'm climbing into the van. So but yeah. Honestly, it's you know, I I don't know that isn't so much communication between you and I as it is just you're the one who drops the van off, and I appreciate that because then I don't have to go hunt for keys. Right?
Speaker 3:You're just you kinda just volunteered your van for us to come commandeer and take over.
Speaker 4:I mean, hell it saves me, like, one minute or 2 minutes to get back inside the building.
Speaker 3:That's true. Well, and as a site lead, that 1 or 2 minutes is important.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Because a lot could happen in 1 or 2 minutes.
Speaker 4:Oh my goodness. You start hanging out with the kids, like, play with them, or, you know, you can deal with a kid and maybe having a bad day and
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. I can I can understand that? I mean, there have been plenty of times where JT's gone up to the library, you know, before me while I'm talking with the school administration or chasing something down or whatever. And I walk in, and I'm just like, what is going on right now?
Speaker 3:Like, why why do I have kids in 4 different places? They're all yelling or doing whatever. Like, what is happening? Not and for the record, I'm not, like, painting JT in a bad light. Like, no.
Speaker 3:He's he's phenomenal. He's he's amazing coach. He's got an episode coming up, so you guys will get to hear kinda his perspective on mentoring. But yeah. No.
Speaker 3:Junior high is just a whole different ballpark.
Speaker 4:I can only imagine.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I mean And you
Speaker 4:had you had, like, a large space. Right? Like, hallways?
Speaker 3:No. Not really. I mean, we pretty much stick to the library unless we're going down to the gym for free time. So it's like we have the library. We've already been asked by the administration not to let the the students just wander the halls.
Speaker 3:Right. And so it's like the bell rings, and they, like, they're they have to be either in the library or outside. Those are their choices. They can't just be wandering the halls. So, you know, I I will take them out into the hall if I'm doing, like, a disciplined conversation or something like that.
Speaker 3:There was one day where we had a student just having a really, really bad day, so I took him out to into the hall to kinda separate him from the group so that he wasn't gonna, you know, hurt somebody. And I grabbed us I grabbed our soccer ball, and we, like, kinda kicked her past it around in the hall. But, you know, outside of the hall, right outside the library, or right outside the gym, we really don't walk like, we don't go around the school
Speaker 4:all that much. But JT was off, like, talking with the teacher about something?
Speaker 3:No. No. In this case, JT was also in the library. He was still there. Like, we didn't have kids unsupervised on our But how
Speaker 4:big is this library? It's
Speaker 3:I mean, it's not huge, but it's big enough for them to be in 4 different places doing 4 different things at the same time. And when you have 12 kids, like I mean, think about it from a k through 6 perspective. It's you have the fellowship hall, but you have groups of kids in 4 different corners of this fellowship hall. Right?
Speaker 4:Only 2 of y'all there.
Speaker 3:And there's only 2 of us, not 6 people, not 6 coaches. So it's you know, it it becomes this game of, like not really a game. It becomes this thing of, like, 1 or 2 minutes truly does matter in the junior high because 1 or 2 minutes is enough time for things to go really, really wrong. I learned this the hard way last year when a fight broke out literally 5 feet from me while I was transitioning positions with Caleb was the coach at the time. Like, junior high is you gotta you gotta pay attention.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 4:Time is precious.
Speaker 3:Time is very precious.
Speaker 4:So Time and attention.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Alright. Well, we've had a whole conversation about the differences between junior high and k through 6, but we don't know who you are, Joel. So why don't you give us just a a brief intro? Tell us who Joel is.
Speaker 3:Tell us what he does for fun, what he studied in school, his you know, all the things. Give us all the give us the the whatever. Pen us a picture of who Joel is.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So I'm Joel. I was born and raised in Lake Highlands, actually. So I was actually now they call it Old Lake Highlands. That's where I kinda grew up.
Speaker 4:If you know I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say the name. But I I grew up, like, 5 minutes away from White Rock Lake.
Speaker 3:Okay. So
Speaker 4:but it's still called the Lake Highlands. But now I live in New Lake Highlands. I went to private schools most of the time. I went I went to 1 month at Lake Highlands High School as a 10th grader.
Speaker 3:1 month. 1 month. Why 1 month?
Speaker 4:Man, see, there's a lot of things happening. I had just got my braces on, which I I requested. I was like, mom, dad, I'm ready for braces. I looked at my teeth one day. I was like, you know
Speaker 3:We gotta do something about
Speaker 4:that. Something. I had, like,
Speaker 3:the I
Speaker 4:had the vampires going on, Like
Speaker 3:Oh, no.
Speaker 4:They're stuck up there.
Speaker 3:Oh, no.
Speaker 4:But let me tell you something. Like, I I recover
Speaker 3:It's a good Halloween costume, though.
Speaker 4:You know? Maybe one day, I'll I'll I'll bring it back. But, like, I re like, my body, like, recovers very fast, or at least it did in those days.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And so, like, within a month of me having my braces, my teeth were already shifting in place.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 4:Now, that's a good thing, but the bad thing is that brought a lot of pain.
Speaker 3:I'll bet.
Speaker 4:And so, like, there was not a lot of food that I could eat without just being in constant pain. So I was 1 month in at the high school.
Speaker 3:Mashed potatoes and ice cream?
Speaker 4:Yeah. But they they didn't have mashed potatoes. It was French fries at the cafeteria. And so, like, I don't know. It just wasn't happening.
Speaker 3:Were they, like, crispy fries, or they were, like, the I don't know, like, fast food, like, mushy kind of fries? I'm trying to think of a good fast food joint. They were crispy. Maybe Cane's? Like, Cane's fries?
Speaker 4:As crispy?
Speaker 3:No. As, like, the opposite of crispy. Where you can kinda just gum it to death.
Speaker 4:No. They were definitely
Speaker 3:They were definitely crispy? I don't
Speaker 4:think does raisin canes have crispy fries?
Speaker 3:No. Not not I I don't think that Cane's fries are very crispy. If I think crispy fries, I'm thinking, like, Arby's maybe or Arby's? Like, McDonald's if they've sat in the fryer too long kinda thing.
Speaker 4:You're right. Kinda most places are, like, soft fries.
Speaker 3:Yeah. They're a little softer.
Speaker 4:Well, honestly so I went I went to Lequita High School for 1 month. I made the yearbook.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:So, like, I'm in there. Tell your friends about it. I made the yearbook.
Speaker 3:Even though you were there for 1 month. Okay.
Speaker 4:Then I I I, like, dropped out to essentially homeschool myself.
Speaker 3:Okay. Why did you do that?
Speaker 4:So me academically, I was not like the star student. I need a lot of attention. Okay.
Speaker 3:So
Speaker 4:homeschool was going to, if I applied myself, give me that freedom to like
Speaker 3:go do the books.
Speaker 4:Starting at the ground pace. And like, if I needed help, we could get someone to help me. But also like, the the high school had a rule that like, you can't miss, like, more than a week or 2 of school or something like that, and I was gonna go on a trip around Christmas time, but it was gonna, like, require me to miss, like, a lot of school. And so it was like, there's just a bunch of iffy things. The moral of the story is like
Speaker 3:You dropped out to
Speaker 4:homeschool yourself. I tried to homeschool myself.
Speaker 3:Tried to homeschool yourself.
Speaker 4:I wasted a lot of time.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, yeah, if you're trying to teach yourself.
Speaker 4:And I did I did not finish that year of school.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:So I took, like, a year off of school.
Speaker 3:As a sophomore.
Speaker 4:As a sophomore. And let me just let me just back up and tell you, I went through 2 years in kindergarten.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:So, like, I'm already, like, you know, they redshirted me as a kindergartner. There's, like, you know, we gotta get this guy. He needs another year. You know, he's not ready for for big time for the 1st grade. So I went through 2 years of school deal.
Speaker 3:1st grade's a big deal.
Speaker 4:I know. Apparently, I wasn't, like, the best reader. I can read now.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. You could read a lot because you're, like, our bible scholar on staff.
Speaker 4:I can read. And so I was already, like, a year older than most kids my age, like, until Right. Until sophomore year. But then I gained another year.
Speaker 3:So now you're, like, 2 years older than I have.
Speaker 4:2 years older. So when I was 18 Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:And driving, but still a sophomore in high school.
Speaker 4:I turned when I was I turned 18 my sophomore year, like, the completion. So, like, I'm at the seniors level. So that like, let me just tell you. I graduated as a 20 year old.
Speaker 3:You graduated as a 20 year old? As a
Speaker 4:20 year old.
Speaker 3:And you're how old
Speaker 4:now? 32.
Speaker 3:32. So you've been out of school for 12 years.
Speaker 4:12 years. But I should've been done in 09 or 08.
Speaker 3:I was I was gonna say, so you were the class of what? 2010?
Speaker 4:2011.
Speaker 3:2011. But
Speaker 4:I was older I was older than the whole class of 2010 by a year.
Speaker 3:You're 3 years older than me, and I graduated the year after you? Wow.
Speaker 4:Yep.
Speaker 3:That's that's that's that's kinda mind blowing. I don't know what to do with that information.
Speaker 4:It was a lot of twist and turns, and if and if honestly, if I could go back, I would apply myself a lot more.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Like, if I had the knowledge that I had now, like, I would've applied myself. I would've had a regular sleep schedule.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's a big deal. Like And something I'm trying to work with the junior high students on is, bro, like, you you can't be up until 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning playing video games. Like, it's just not worth it.
Speaker 4:And I I honestly don't even know, like, what I what I was doing. I just, like, did not care about school, like
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Had no Well, I mean,
Speaker 3:I feel like that's a lot of teenagers, though. Like, my junior high students don't really care about school. The only reason they do it is because we check their grades and get on them.
Speaker 4:That's right.
Speaker 3:And there was literally this this past year, there was this this one student. It was towards the end of the school year, and he was failing a class. And I was like, bro, I know you can do this. Like, what's going on? He's like, I just don't understand it.
Speaker 3:I was like, have you asked for tutoring? And he's like, no. And he was like, why not? He was like, I don't know. I just haven't.
Speaker 3:And I was like, okay. So who's your teacher? He's like, mister so and so. And I was like, cool. I literally walked him down there.
Speaker 3:In program, I walked him down to his teacher, and his teacher fortunately was there. And he we walked in. He's like, hey. And I was like, hey. This, you know, this kid has something he would like to ask you.
Speaker 3:And I was like, go ahead. And he's like, hey. I'm not really understanding the material. Can I get some some tutoring? And his teacher's like, yeah.
Speaker 3:I do tutoring Monday Monday Wednesday after after school. And this is, like, on Monday. And I was like, excellent. I'll see you in in 30 minutes. And I left him there.
Speaker 3:That's beautiful. So and he got his grade up.
Speaker 4:So it worked. Because, like, for for boys' men, like, it's hard to ask for help.
Speaker 3:It is. It's incredibly hard to ask for help.
Speaker 4:You'd rather go your own way and just be like, well, I'm not I'm not taking any help, and I'm gonna lose Yeah. Instead of, like, just ask for help and win and succeed.
Speaker 3:Right. And that's something I know that took me forever to learn. Like, it took me
Speaker 4:Me too.
Speaker 3:I mean, I've really started to learn to ask for help, and I'm still bad at this. Like, Darius has called me out on this a few times where, you know, we were doing our our, like, weekly meeting on Monday or whatever, just kinda touching base about the previous week. And I was like, we need to wrap this up because I need to do this and this and this and this and this. And he's like, JT is literally standing right here. Delegate some of that.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. So, you know, I'm still bad at it, but, like, I didn't really start to even begin to ask for help until I was about 24. Until I basically, I moved down here and started grad school. Right? Like, because in grad school, I couldn't do it all by myself.
Speaker 3:I had to I needed people. I needed help. I needed, you know, people to pour into me or to teach me or to guide me or whatever. So but, anyway, yes. Point going back to Yeah.
Speaker 3:So It's just not something that's taught for for boys, especially guys, to ask for help. And it's almost like it's just our culture.
Speaker 4:Oh, for sure. So Like and I know there's been, like, a lot of advancements, but if, like you know, we're living testimonies. Right? So, like, if we can inspire somebody to, like, hey, you you you might need help in this area. Like, you're not succeeding as much as you want.
Speaker 4:Like, let's get you let's get you some help. Like, whatever arena that is. Yeah. So, like, my junior year
Speaker 3:Okay. So now we're circling back to the story. Okay.
Speaker 4:Junior year.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna
Speaker 4:I'm gonna explain who I am. We're going a lot of circles here.
Speaker 3:Yeah. We are.
Speaker 4:I had an elderly lady as one of my teachers for math, for algebra 2 algebra 2.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:And for some reason, like
Speaker 3:Were you an algebra kid or a geometry kid?
Speaker 4:Neither. You were just not math teacher. Algebra.
Speaker 3:More algebra? Probably more algebra. More logical than Yeah. Kind of the artistic, like Yeah. Shapes and and all that.
Speaker 4:So maybe, like, I don't know if there's a term for this, but, like, you know when you just don't, like, care about old people? Yeah. Disrespectful. I was disrespectful. So I'm 18 I'm 18 years old as a junior in this algebra 2 class, and it's an old lady, and I'm just like, ain't no way she's gonna give me a failing grade.
Speaker 4:Like, that's not how it's gonna work. So I, like, didn't apply myself the 1st semester, and I'm talking, like, fifties, fifties. Like, those were my progress reports report cards. Like, failed the, like, the 1st semester. So, like, I had to make a Mario double dash.
Speaker 4:That's a pun for you guys. Wow.
Speaker 3:I bring
Speaker 4:I bring the dad jokes to forerunner. Like, that is one of one of my job descriptions. But I do the Mario double dash, and, like, I am in her room, like, almost every single day after school getting tutoring. Okay? Like, I remember we had an ice week that year.
Speaker 4:It's 2011. Like, the Super Bowl was happening.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:2011, there was a massive ice week. It started snowing, I think, on Monday.
Speaker 3:Which for those of you who aren't in Texas, an ice week is where they just cancel school for a week because it rained. And then the rain froze, and now there's, like, 3 inches of ice on the snow on the ground. It it literally happens, and it's all kinds of fun to drive through.
Speaker 4:It was, it was a precursor to the 2020 pandemic for Texans, for Dallas people, like, because we were in our houses.
Speaker 3:Anyway No. I thought that was the 2019 snowmageddon.
Speaker 4:No. The snowmageddon came after the pandemic.
Speaker 3:Oh, did it?
Speaker 4:We were already away.
Speaker 3:That's right. That's right. It was way after the pandemic.
Speaker 4:We were already on our stay in home game.
Speaker 3:Like That's true.
Speaker 4:No. So, like, I applied myself. I was in her room, like, every day, and I still, like, it came down to the last final. And, like, I I I failed the whole I I passed the final, but overall, I failed by 2 points.
Speaker 3:You failed by 2 points. Yeah.
Speaker 4:But I didn't repeat because, you know, private schools let you pass. And, honestly, I didn't pass 8th grade either, but the 9th grade was just like, come on over to our school. We'll help you through.
Speaker 3:Oh, boy.
Speaker 4:I mean, we'll edit this out. Technically, I did not pass high school
Speaker 3:k.
Speaker 4:Because I did not do biology, and that's a required course. And I told I like, truth be told, I told the school I will do biology on my own and just pass me.
Speaker 3:So how did you graduate?
Speaker 4:Look, they like, don't ask questions, and just let me walk.
Speaker 3:Like No. The answer there is the grace of God.
Speaker 4:The that's it. The grace of God. Like, oh, man. Oh, I was so I was so lazy. But Goodness.
Speaker 3:I mean, I can I can relate to that, though? Like, I I was in contrast, I was very studious. Right? I
Speaker 4:excel I admire people like you.
Speaker 3:Hold on. It
Speaker 4:Okay. I don't admire people like me.
Speaker 3:I was very studious. I got very good grades. I just I retain information really well, And I think part of that is because I'm a 5 on the Enneagram, and if you know anything about that, I'm just, like, I crave knowledge. But what ended up happening was freshman and sophomore years of high school, I did really well. And I'm talking, like, straight As except for 3rd quarter each year where I got 1 b.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, 3.99 GPA. Junior year, I took almost exclusively honors and AP classes. And I still did really well. It didn't well, it wasn't straight a's, but it was a's and b's.
Speaker 3:And then my senior year, I got hit by senioritis hard. Like, real hard. They put me in AP English even though I didn't wanna take AP English because by this time, I had found theater. Right? And I was like, all I wanna do is spend my time in the theater learning lighting, learning how to program the board, learning, you know, anything and everything I can about theater, and teaching myself a lot of that.
Speaker 3:Like, that's where I spent my lunches.
Speaker 4:That's your passion.
Speaker 3:That was my passion, and it still is my passion. But, you know, I would like, I they put me in AP English. I had zero interest in AP English literature because I hate classics, and I really didn't want somebody to tell me which books I had to read and then have to take a test on that at the end of the year. Like, really didn't wanna do that. And so I didn't do any of the work.
Speaker 3:I was failing I was failing English all the way up until the very last day. Like, they call there's a deadline in May in Utah called read your dead day, which means if you're failing any classes as a senior on that day, you do not graduate. Oh, no. And I was failing English literally until not even the day, the minute of that deadline where I worked with my teacher. And he's like, if you turn in these things and do well on them, you will pass.
Speaker 3:And I literally pulled an all nighter for, like, 3 days in a row up to read your dead day. I went over to my mentor's house at the time. Literally, I went over to my mentor's house, and he he kept or, like, he he helped me do this and, like, helped me create a schedule and things like that. And I literate like, minutes before this deadline, I turned in a literal mountain of paperwork to this teacher, and it pulled my grade from failing to a d minus just enough to graduate. Wow.
Speaker 3:So, like, the joke in my family is that I graduated by the skin of my teeth.
Speaker 4:You really did that.
Speaker 3:Literally. So
Speaker 4:You really did.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I can relate to the, like, not applying yourself because it's it's one of those things where and at the time, again, I was 17, 18, and then, you know, struggling to ask for help and things like that. But also, I never really had somebody to hold me accountable. They pushed me. Right?
Speaker 3:They would be like, you need to do this, you need to do that, but they never would teach me the why. Right? They would never, like, hold me accountable being like, what are your goals and how do we get you there? Because if anybody had asked me that, I would not have been in AP English. Right?
Speaker 3:They just saw my academic success in my previous 3 years of high school, and they're like, you can do this or you're going to. And I'm like, but I'd rather spend all my time in the theater. I don't care about English, which I is a little bit ironic considering theater is essentially English. But that's a whole different podcast. That's a whole that's not even a
Speaker 4:YouTube that podcast. That's a different podcast. Why English matters? Yeah. Why speaking matters?
Speaker 4:But
Speaker 3:those are I mean, those at the end of the day, those are the experiences that we as mentors, like, we have in our own life. Those are that's the wisdom that we have, And so we get to pass that on to our mentees. And for you and I, that that means, you know, in a group setting and pouring into 12, 15, 30 kids. You know, in the case of the k through 6 program, there's, what, on average, 30 students a day.
Speaker 4:A 20 to 35.
Speaker 3:20 to 35.
Speaker 4:One day, we hope to get to 60 max.
Speaker 3:Oh, that would be nice.
Speaker 4:That's that's the goal.
Speaker 3:I'm shooting for 20. Like, if I can hit 20, I get to hire a new coach. So
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah. For real. Right? Especially in, like, or in in the junior high. Like, having 20 20 students consistently attending in the junior high, like, that would be wild.
Speaker 3:So, anyway, the you know, it's that kind of wisdom that you and I have learned the hard way and being able to ask ourselves the things of, like, what did I not have at their age? Right? Mhmm. And then we take steps to fill those gaps. Right?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. You know, because we learned the hard way, and we're like, okay. I didn't have this. And I can see this kid doing the exact same thing I did, so maybe he needs that. Right?
Speaker 3:Right. And and then we get to fill that in.
Speaker 4:Man, Definitely coulda definitely coulda used the 4 Runner Mentoring Program for myself there.
Speaker 3:Right? Yep. I mean, I could've. I just lived 1500 miles away. And also, let's see.
Speaker 3:4 Runner became a nonprofit my senior year of high school. So actually, no. That would have gone really that would have been really helpful. Oh, that
Speaker 4:would have been spot on.
Speaker 3:That would have been perfect. I mean, they weren't big enough to actually be in the high school, but, like, it would have been perfect if if Forerunner was a thing back then. At least in which, honestly, I never even heard of I had never even heard of mentoring organizations, like non profits, until I moved down here and met Steven. Like, they don't really exist in in Utah. And I'm not real sure why that is.
Speaker 3:And maybe that's changed, you know, now in the last 5 years since I've been here. But up until I moved down here, I'd never heard of, like, nonprofit mentoring and, like, pairing up kids from hard places with, you know, a specific mentor or doing group mentoring or things like that. Right? Like, it just Mhmm. Wasn't a thing.
Speaker 3:And so, you know, when Steven was like, I'm gonna go take a job at 400 Mentoring, and I'm like, what is that? So Is
Speaker 4:that real?
Speaker 3:What?
Speaker 4:It's like, is that is that a real thing? Oh. Is mentoring a thing?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, I knew mentoring was a thing because I had a mentor, but that was kind of an accident. It was Mhmm. It was more of a, like, I had a really specific need at a very specific time, and he was very intentional about meeting that need at that very specific time. And then we kept, you know, kept in touch and started to like, I started to learn from him.
Speaker 3:We never really attached the mentor label to it Mhmm. Until I did much later on in my life. But, you know, the idea of, like, the intentional organization whose mission is to, you know, match students with mentors and finding volunteers in the community who want to pour into students, like, that's not a thing in Utah. It doesn't exist. It doesn't happen.
Speaker 3:Even though there is plenty of need there, there's plenty of people who come from broken homes. So Yeah. So that's I don't know. We this podcast has totally gotten totally off drag. But
Speaker 4:that's okay. Yeah. Let me let me let me let me finish it off.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 4:Alright. So I graduated high school. That was 2011. K? So in 20 probably, like, in the fall of 2011, I went to personal training school, like, to become a personal trainer.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Like, the very specific it's called the Cooper Fitness Institute. It's, like, it's world renowned. Doctor Kenneth Cooper, he fathered the term aerobics.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:Like, he made up the term. I'm pretty sure. At least that's what they tell us. So I was gonna be a personal trainer. I went through the school, and you know what?
Speaker 4:Do you think I pet do you think that I passed the final exam?
Speaker 3:I don't know. I'm torn because part of me says, like, if it's something you're passionate about, then you would want to learn everything you could and do well. But also, like, you know, not being the most academic student, like, the chances are maybe lower, so I'm torn. I'd I I would say no. Probably not.
Speaker 4:And you would be correct. It was a it was a 100 question exam, and, like, these are not just, like, hey. What are you using when you do a curl? Well, that's your biceps. No.
Speaker 4:This was, like, they brought a lot of scientific terms into these questions. Like, they were really getting into the science behind it, and, yeah, I didn't pass, and honestly, I could've retaken it, but I was like, you know what? Just not it. And so, quit that, and then I had then I had a really I had another great idea. Like, I was really good at playing hockey when I was little.
Speaker 3:I
Speaker 4:quit at age 12. Right? And so now I'm 22. 22, 22 years old. K.
Speaker 4:And I was like, you know, maybe I could become a professional hockey player, like, at age 22, like
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:After not playing for, like, 12 years. 10 years, 12 years, whatever it is. And so I did that. It didn't work out. I end up
Speaker 3:But you still play hockey. Yeah.
Speaker 4:I still play hockey, and we'll we'll talk more about that, but, like, it's a lot of a lot of weird decisions happen in your twenties. Can we just be honest? Yeah. Like, a lot of weird decisions, especially if you're if you don't if you don't really know what you're passionate about and don't really know who you are. Right?
Speaker 4:Yeah. So that's me. So then in 2013, I ended up taking a job at, like, a thrift shop, and that was, like, retail job. I hated retail. Like, I I like, I didn't I I'm not a good fit for retail.
Speaker 3:Like So not going into marketing.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Not going to marketing. So I had that job, and, like, you know, my life was just at a point, you know, I'm 24 years old, it's at a point where I'm just like, like, this is not working. Like, I have no trajectory in my life, no passion, no desire, right? And this was like 2015 about.
Speaker 4:And so then, so my friends started going to Christ For Nations Institute, and they had a motto. You know how, like, college campuses have mottos?
Speaker 3:Like Sure.
Speaker 4:Find your passion, dream big, whatever. So theirs was, like, where dreams find direction. I'm, like, what what That
Speaker 3:sounds like a great idea.
Speaker 4:That sounds like a great idea. I don't have any dreams or directions, so, like, let me just do this. Let's do both. And, like, the funny thing is, like, I had grown up in church, but I didn't I did not have a personal relationship with the Lord, like, at all.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And didn't know who I was. Like, I knew I knew a lot of scriptures, but I did not have any idea, like, what they meant to me, like, personally. Or how to
Speaker 3:apply them.
Speaker 4:How to the how to yeah. How do you apply them? There was just, like, head knowledge, and, like, I knew, like, growing up, like, man, I know I'm supposed to be in some type of ministry, but I don't even know Jesus. So, like, how are you gonna be
Speaker 3:in ministry? Growing up, you had a sense that you were gonna be in ministry?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then you're like, well, I know I'm supposed to be doing this, but don't even know Jesus?
Speaker 4:Right. It's like you're it's like you're at church. It's like, man, I'm supposed like, something about this. I'm supposed to be doing something here. Right?
Speaker 4:Like
Speaker 3:Okay. Sorry. No. I can I can I can get it? I can understand it.
Speaker 3:I just, like, that blows my mind.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm just like, man, I, like, I know I'm called to, like, do something, like, in a ministry realm, but I don't even know the guy. Like, I don't know I don't know the minister. I don't know Jesus. Like, I don't know I don't know his ministry.
Speaker 4:Like,
Speaker 3:makes it difficult to do that, colleague.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I'm just like, I'm gonna go to this Bible college to to meet him. Like, I'm gonna go there to meet him. Like, most people that go to Bible college, they're going to get trained and equipped. I'm just there to meet the guy.
Speaker 4:Like, that was, like, that was my thing.
Speaker 3:Forget trained and equipped. Like, I just wanna know him.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Like, if we if we could get that head knowledge to, like, meet the man, it'll become heart knowledge. Right? And, like, it'll become alive.
Speaker 3:That's that's a word. Say that again.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Like, if we want like, once I meet the man, the head knowledge will become heart knowledge real quick. That's so good. Everything I'm just you know, you sit there for so long on a pew, in a chair, on your couch, listen to somebody, and, like, it's there, the word's there, but until, like, the Holy Spirit comes and takes that word Mhmm. And puts it into your heart and, like, makes it alive, like, you're not, you're just gonna, you're just gonna sit there.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Right? So went to bible college. Still still, like, I never read my bible prior going prior to going to bible college.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:And, like, but I I knew I knew all these verses because I was in a program called junior bible quiz, and you had to memorize, like, 107 verses and a bunch of different random facts about the bible. So that's how I got it. Like, it still sticks in me to till today, but I'm not
Speaker 3:I Are most of those verses, like, the ones that we quote frequently, like No. Have for okay.
Speaker 4:Not really. Like, I mean, they had they had it, like I'm pretty sure the 10 commandments were there, or at least the first four. They had different ones, and it was it was affiliated with the assemblies of God. And so they would have, like, their verses that match, like, their dom their denomination.
Speaker 3:Gotcha.
Speaker 4:Which fun fact, like, every church or every denomination has, like, their go to verses.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:If they're a prophetic house, they're gonna talk about prophecy. If they're, you know
Speaker 3:Charismatic or Lutheran or Catholic.
Speaker 4:They all have their they all have, like, their set of verses. They're, like, they harp on, and I think that's great. This one was Assemblies of God, so I knew, like, a lot of Assemblies of God verses, but I wasn't reading the Bible. And then one of my college classes, like, they made you read the Bible, but that's not the same thing as picking it up and, like, reading for yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Because you want to.
Speaker 4:Exactly. So, like, as soon as that class was done, I'm still going to Bible school. I'm not reading the Bible, but, like, there's parts of me that are getting changed because I'm encountering Jesus in worship times. Like, man, I could I could talk about my college career at bible school for for a long time, especially
Speaker 3:Well, maybe that's a maybe that's a different episode because the title of this podcast is you can mentor. Right. Right.
Speaker 4:Right. So, anyways, I I go on a mission trip. They make you go on a mission trip. I, like, I finally, like, figured out, like, you know, this is who I am. And for a while there, like, life was just so muddy that I didn't know who I was.
Speaker 4:And so I was like, you know what? This is who I am. Started reading the bible. It really came alive to me. And so And 27 2017, 2018, graduating 2018, go on an
Speaker 3:From CFNI?
Speaker 4:From CFNI.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:I go on a mission trip to primarily older people. Where? In Belarus.
Speaker 3:Belarus.
Speaker 4:Belarus.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Which is hot hot button discussion for today's world.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Can only get there, like, within with the, like, a real invite.
Speaker 3:Okay. So Even at the time in 2018?
Speaker 4:Yes. Like, you had to be invited by somebody and, like, you had to have a reason.
Speaker 3:So how did you get there? Did you just hop the border?
Speaker 4:No. I I I got on a plane and, you know, I'm just kidding. Edit that one.
Speaker 3:Parachuted out.
Speaker 4:No. So there's a mission organization called Reach International, and what they do is they they minister to holocaust survivors.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:So that is, like, their main thing. And, like, holocaust survivors are gonna be older or
Speaker 3:Well, yeah. Because it's 2023, and the Holocaust happened in 1939. So
Speaker 4:Exactly.
Speaker 3:Almost almost a 100 year wow. Almost a 100 years ago.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's sobering.
Speaker 4:Time is precious, people. So finished the trip. I I started looking around for jobs, like, with with elderly people. Right? Like, whatever that looked like.
Speaker 4:So I'm just like, oh, I had a great time on this mission trip, hanging out with them, just hearing their stories. Like, it was really cool. And so I like, man, lord, like, where do you want me to work? Because I wanna do something in ministry. Like, I graduated from Bible College, but I knew I didn't necessarily, like, wanna work in a church setting.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:So I'm still looking for jobs. My mom sees an ad on Instagram about 4 Runner Mentoring.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:So don't despise
Speaker 3:So this is, what, 2019? 2018.
Speaker 4:Don't despise Instagram ads. She sees the ad. She sends it to me. She's like, you should go work there. And I look at it, and it's, like, raising up young men to be men of God, like
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:It's like all boys program. So I was like, that is interesting. And it's like in my neck of the woods. I'm like, where has this been my whole life?
Speaker 3:You're like, why didn't I have this when I was a kid?
Speaker 4:Why didn't I have this when I when I was younger? So I go to apply for the job. That was July 2018. Got the job. August 2018, start the job.
Speaker 4:That was, like, my first year here.
Speaker 3:Okay. And I'm thinking about it in the parallels of my life. Like, August of 2018 is when I moved to Dallas for grad school. And when and then I met Steven, I don't know, like, 6 weeks later, 7 weeks later, something like that. So it was, like, September, October of 2018 is when I met Steven, and he was at the time, he was a mentor.
Speaker 3:He was mentoring a a student. But shortly after that, I think it was by March Mhmm. February or March or something like that, he took a full time job Yeah. At Forerunner. And I'm sure you I'm sure you have this whole timeline figured out or, like, you know, this whole timeline.
Speaker 3:Because he came on as, what, like, mentoring coordinator?
Speaker 4:I think he was the director of mentoring.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Which I guess now is within the realm of the community coordinator.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:So
Speaker 4:Definitely needed.
Speaker 3:Yes. Anyway, so you started August of 2018. Yeah.
Speaker 4:With 4 Runner Mentoring.
Speaker 3:With 4 Runner Mentoring.
Speaker 4:And, like, this was the first time I'd worked with, like or maybe not the first time, but, like, diving into ages 3rd through 6.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:That's what I was, like, in charge of. And, like, I had done I had worked with youth groups before, and I think I was a kid's counselor one time. Mhmm. But it was like it was like, obviously, back when I didn't know Jesus. So it's like, who are you now?
Speaker 4:Right?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:And,
Speaker 3:So when you started at forerunner, was this also like, did you still not really know Jesus or have No.
Speaker 4:I did. This is By this point Yeah. This is after CFNI.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Like, I gave my life to the lord, like
Speaker 3:Got baptized, the whole the whole 9 yards.
Speaker 4:I'm like Alright.
Speaker 3:You're you're a new Christian on fire for Jesus, and you're like, everybody needs to know about him.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Now I'm caught up. Okay. So this is in 2018. That was your 1st year,
Speaker 4:and
Speaker 3:you were there the whole year.
Speaker 4:I was there the whole year. I was I was with the 3rd through 6th graders.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:So, you know, that year, we were in a very small space.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:K. I mean It
Speaker 3:was at the previous church.
Speaker 4:We were at a we were at a school.
Speaker 3:Oh, you were at a school?
Speaker 4:Yeah. We were at Northlake Elementary.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay. Yeah.
Speaker 4:So we're at their school. We're in, like, a we're in a tiny space. I mean, like
Speaker 3:Is this why you were asking me, like, about my space at at the Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. I wanna know, like, I wanna know what you're working with. I mean, at this space, you could literally, you know, every kid was, like, an arm for each of you, essentially. Like, there's no room to do a lot of moving.
Speaker 4:K. This is not Chuck E. Cheese where a kid be can be a kid. We would if we wanted them to be kids, we we go outside. We didn't have access to a gym like the junior high did, but, like, during that 1st year, like, I was really new.
Speaker 4:I was really green.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:That's a term the kids are using these days, really green.
Speaker 3:No. They're not.
Speaker 4:They're not using that. Okay. They're really purple for Barney?
Speaker 3:I'm just kidding. You had no Riz.
Speaker 4:No. I I definitely don't have Riz. That's that's that's way down the line.
Speaker 3:Oh, boy.
Speaker 4:My my first year with the with 4 Runner, like, I did not do a lot of 1 on ones with kids. Like, I think the first time I did a 1 on 1 was probably April of that year.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And so, and that's really because, like, our the way our structure was was the team lead or the site lead would come in, because, like, it's such a small space. You can obviously tell what child is, you know, having a hard time.
Speaker 3:It's like not feeling it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. He'd go over there and immediately address it. Right? And so, like, it didn't really give us a lot of space or didn't give me space to, like,
Speaker 3:Build relationships.
Speaker 4:Enter that realm of, like, correcting, confrontation, like, that type of thing.
Speaker 3:You were just kinda managing a group of
Speaker 4:kids. Yes.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And, like, I I loved it. It gave me a lot of opportunities. But then the next year, there's, like, okay. You're coming back to 4 Runner.
Speaker 3:2019, 2019.
Speaker 4:2019. 2020.
Speaker 3:Okay. Like I I I see a trajectory here. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like, let's Keep going. Like, let's get you let's get you a little bit more like, we're gonna call you the team lead.
Speaker 3:The site lead?
Speaker 4:No. The the structure is a little bit different. So there was a team lead of, like, k through second, and then a team lead for 3rd through 6th.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But I got there, and since, like, I don't have firsthand experience of, like, correcting a kid. Right?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. And
Speaker 4:so, like, everything was kinda theory. Like, I saw this coach tell this tell this kid to do something, and that's how it went. And so now I'm trying to step into this role where every like, I got people, you know, looking up to me to, like, do the right thing and, like
Speaker 3:That's a big wait.
Speaker 4:It's a big wait. It's a big wait. And, like, let me tell you, Josh. 2019 was not a good year for me at 4 Under Mentoring. Like, there's a lot of
Speaker 3:I can relate. That was last year for me. There was a lot of growing. Yeah. My first year was the same way where I'm like well, first, I got hired.
Speaker 3:I didn't know I was a site lead. Right? When they when they hired, like, when they hired me, they sent me the description information for a grade coach. Right? And so we get into training, and Quinn or Beth or whoever is like, yeah.
Speaker 3:If this happens, talk to your site lead, yada yada yada. And I'm like, okay. Who's my site lead? And then Darius is like, you're the site lead. I was like, oh, well, okay.
Speaker 3:This is this is new information. So it it did fall on me to handle a lot of the discipline because I came in with no experience. Caleb came in with no experience. Like
Speaker 4:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:We were, like, legit. We had to learn on our feet, and we made a ton of mistakes our 1st year or my 1st year. Yeah. And so and we also were not in the high school at the time. We were in the student center.
Speaker 3:So it just yeah. There were there were a lot of things that last year that were like, okay. Maybe this didn't work very well.
Speaker 4:Fight broke out. That's 5 feet from me.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's when this fight broke out. We had oh, man. It was the end of the semester. I don't know what it is about the end of the semester, but in junior high, we always have something happen.
Speaker 3:You know, we had students go missing or, like, run away more accurately or fights break fights break out
Speaker 4:or I don't know. It just
Speaker 3:the end of the semester in junior high just doesn't seem to mix. But last year, because I didn't have any experience and it was like me going, like, how do I respond to this? It was a lot of, like you know, in in that sense, I was very thankful that we were at the student center because Darius was right upstairs. Mhmm. And I could be like, Darius, this is happening.
Speaker 3:I need you now because I don't know what to do.
Speaker 4:We'll get you calling for help.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, with that with the fight that we're talking about, I literally got on the radio and called Holden because at the time, he was a support coach. So, like, his job was to float between all of the the grades and kinda just fill in where necessary, handle a lot of discipline and whatnot. And, like, yeah, I'm not technically supposed to call him, but I was like I I literally popped over to k through 6 channel, and I was like, Holden, are you available? He was like, I can be.
Speaker 3:Why? I was like, because I have a fight. I have to do discipline with, like, 3 different people. I need you and Quinn.
Speaker 4:Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:Because it took it and it took Holden, Quinn, myself, and Caleb to man like, Caleb's responsibility was to manage the group. Uh-huh. My responsibility was doing discipline with 1 kid, and Holden and Quinn each took one of the other kids. It was it was nuts. Yeah.
Speaker 3:The the it was a very interesting experience.
Speaker 4:Goodness.
Speaker 3:Now now imagine doing that in k through 6. Yeah. Yeah. So all of that is to say, like, I can relate to the, like, oh, I have to do discipline, and I have no idea what I'm doing.
Speaker 4:It's one thing to see it done, and it's another thing to do it.
Speaker 3:Yes. That is that is a very
Speaker 4:important thing. Is, like I think I I heard you mention this on a previous podcast, but your mind is thinking of a lot of different things. Mhmm. And, like, you just you just ultimately, you just want it to work, and, like, you wanna build a connection, and you don't want anyone to get hurt. But it's, like, how
Speaker 3:How do you do that? Yeah. Which episode was that? Do you do you remember which one you were listening to? I'm trying to remember what I said.
Speaker 4:Sure that was the one that you just did with the
Speaker 3:With Scotch? Okay. Yeah. I think we were talking about, like, connecting before correcting or something like that, where, you know, the or, like, disrupting their thinking, I think, is what we were talking about. The idea of I like, I need I need them to, like, snap out of it sooner than letting them just calm down.
Speaker 3:Because, as we covered earlier, there's 2 of us, and every minute I'm not there Mhmm. Is another minute for chaos didn't happen. And so, again, not that JT is incompetent. He's a phenomenal coach. He's in some ways, he's a better coach than I am.
Speaker 3:But Yeah.
Speaker 4:I feel bad all my all all all the coaches I'm with are. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Caitlin and Taj and and Holden and Yeah.
Speaker 4:Why am I here?
Speaker 3:You're like, you you yelled out, DB. I could I could go on vacation. But, yeah, you know, the idea of of disrupting their thinking and just asking them, like, anything other than what just happened. Right? Because it it confuses them, and that's a good thing in this case because it forces them to have to actually stop and think about anything other than what just happened.
Speaker 4:And it it helps them to know that, like, they're not in trouble. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Or or
Speaker 4:if and even if they are, like, I'm still on your side. Yeah. And, like, we're gonna have a relationship no matter if you do this every single day.
Speaker 3:Right. You know? Yeah. The idea of, like, we are gonna have a conversation about what just happened because we have to.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:But at the end of the day, it doesn't mean that I love you any less. Like, I'm still here because I love you. Right? And will continue to be here because I love you.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Which is really fun when a junior high student says, oh, but you get paid to love us. And I'm like, bro, no. Like, yes, I get paid, but I don't get paid to love you. Let's just look at the logistics of this. I've I kid you not.
Speaker 3:I've showed my kids my budget before and explained to them, like, this is how much I make per paycheck from 4 Runner. Here's all of my monthly ex or expenses. And just for the You Can Mentor world out there, my income from 4 Runner works out to about 40% of my monthly budget. I don't get paid to love you.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. I mean, love's from the heart. True. My heart doesn't get paid.
Speaker 3:There's that.
Speaker 4:Now my stomach might get paid, though.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. There's that. But it's also it's like, if this was about money for me, I would not be here.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I would be doing anything else. Right? The it's not about the money for me. It's because I love you, and that's why I'm here.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And that's why we're gonna talk about this thing.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So okay. So 20 or 2019, you
Speaker 4:Yeah. First time, like
Speaker 3:were team lead.
Speaker 4:Team lead and, like
Speaker 3:Having to do discipline.
Speaker 4:It it was I mean, let me just tell you, like, it went so bad that within a month, we changed the whole structure of the program. Okay. Change the whole structure. Like, it just was not working.
Speaker 3:They're like this okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Like
Speaker 3:And was Quinn
Speaker 4:Quinn was not there yet.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And so yeah. Like Well I I was I was, like, the team lead, and, like, I like like, Beth was somebody that was, like, I guess you'd say, like, under me or whatever. And then within a month and thank goodness, within a month, there's, like, okay. Beth is too good. We gotta, like, put her in a in a more leadership position.
Speaker 3:So she became the fur the program coordinator?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3:Which was Or site lead.
Speaker 4:Yes. Which was super necessary.
Speaker 3:Was it site lead or was it program coordinator?
Speaker 4:It was site lead.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Site lead.
Speaker 3:So she was under you. Now all of a sudden, she's above you.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Okay. Which honestly, like
Speaker 3:You were fine with?
Speaker 4:I was fine with, but there's there's definitely, like, an area where you could be like, oh, no. I don't like that. Like, that offends me. Like, I was once, like and, like, I really I like I, like, that wasn't in me, but I did ask the Lord. I'm like, hey, like, like, let me submit to her leadership, and, like, let me never have any feelings of, like Yeah.
Speaker 4:I could do better. Right. Which I couldn't.
Speaker 3:There's yeah. There's that idea of, like I don't know. It's almost the mindset of, like, getting passed over for promotion. Mhmm. But at the same time, especially in a scenario like this, where it's about relationship, it's about pouring into kids, it's about experience, like, it does kind of help to have skill sets in that, have the experience to have, in her case, the training, because she went to school for it.
Speaker 3:But even within that, it's like, you know, needing to posture your heart. Right? It's like you know, kinda like what you were talking about.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:The idea of, you know, Lord, help me to not like, help me to humble myself.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Right? Which, at forerunner, is a big deal because it's one of the 5 traits of a man of God. Right?
Speaker 4:Humility.
Speaker 3:Responsibility, humility, integrity, leadership, and respect. And so humility, it's like, you know, even even for me, I'm every day, it's like, god, what does humility look like with these kids? Because I am in charge. But also, like, I can't control them, and therefore, I am inherently not in charge. So what does humility look like as a site lead where my job is to facilitate program and Darius is not there every day?
Speaker 3:In fact, I can't call Darius every day because he's doing other things. So, yeah, I I I love that you were able to, like, not almost, like, not take offense that they
Speaker 4:I mean, honestly, I'm kinda surprised at myself.
Speaker 3:You're surprised at yourself? Yeah.
Speaker 4:I was like, the lord's faithful to humble you, though. Like, don't you worry. Yeah. If you wanna be humble
Speaker 3:He'll help you out.
Speaker 4:He'll help you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. He'll put you in situations where you have to.
Speaker 4:You know what? This is totally gonna be off topic. One time I I
Speaker 3:This whole podcast
Speaker 4:I accidentally washed someone's feet.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:What was your interest they've got seed?
Speaker 4:It was humbling. But it's also very rewarding at the same time. Really weird. Should I just go ahead and do it?
Speaker 3:Go for it. Tell the story.
Speaker 4:Alright. So we I was going on a mission trip 2016, and our mission trip leader was like, man, this keeps coming up today. Like, an older lady that, like, loved the Lord, and, like, she she taught at the school, but, like, she was like she's like a powerhouse woman. Mhmm. Like, you just you just knew, like, she was, like, flowing with the Lord and stuff.
Speaker 4:So, like, you know, and one day before we were doing, like, team prayer, and I saw I saw them, like, bring, you know, a a a washing basin, like, over over they had her sit down. They were in like, I didn't even I didn't even know what was going on. Like, the team didn't tell me. Like, it was kinda I I don't even know. I don't know.
Speaker 4:It was early in the morning too. So, like, I'm not a morning person, and things just don't make sense in the morning.
Speaker 3:Amen.
Speaker 4:And so they say, like, hey. Can you go grab some towels over there? I was like, okay. And so,
Speaker 3:like No idea what's going on right now.
Speaker 4:They put the basin down, and, like, somebody else comes with the towel, and I'm, like, the last person there with the towel. And so I put the towel down, and, like, nobody's stepping in to, like, wash this lady's feet. And I'm just like, I guess I'm the man for the job. Like, here I go. Like, I did when I woke up this morning, I did not think in, like, an hour I was gonna be washing this.
Speaker 4:Washing
Speaker 3:somebody's feet.
Speaker 4:Super random. It was great, though. Like, I I, like, I I fondly remember that moment. It's a great moment. Anyways
Speaker 3:And the moral of the story is what?
Speaker 4:Stay humble.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And be ready because you never know when you're gonna wash feet.
Speaker 3:Or kiss feet.
Speaker 4:Kiss feet. I didn't do that, but
Speaker 3:I literally I I'm not kidding. I literally watched Steven kiss somebody's feet once.
Speaker 4:Steven could be the most humble man.
Speaker 3:Steven is by far the most loving man. I've never met somebody who exhibits true agape love like Stephen freaking Murray.
Speaker 4:If the fruits of the spirit had a basketball team?
Speaker 3:You and Stephen would be all, though.
Speaker 4:He'd be the all pro power forward.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Anyways, 20 so 2019, best steps in, like, October of 2019. The year's alright. We had I just had, like, a lot of hard moments where just a lot of learning experiences. Roll into 2020.
Speaker 3:All kinds of fun happened.
Speaker 4:Coach Quinn arrives, like, February 2020.
Speaker 3:As a coach or as coach. Okay. I need to get
Speaker 4:my Our structure at that point, we had 3 grade coaches, a, like, a reading coach.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:And then we had, like, 3 support coaches.
Speaker 3:Oh, that would be nice.
Speaker 4:Like, well, like, as as a support coach, like, back then, you were always doing something, because, like, you were assisting with the grade. So it's like you were kinda like a teacher's assistant, if you will.
Speaker 3:An assistant grade coach.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So I got I got to be a support coach. That was that was fun. I kinda missed that. That only that was that only happened for, like, 2 months because the pandemic hits.
Speaker 3:And everything shuts down.
Speaker 4:Everything. 4 Runner shuts down.
Speaker 3:The school shut down.
Speaker 4:Now, thankfully, 4 Runner is so awesome that they, like, gave us a job to do while the pandemic was happening.
Speaker 3:Oh, they paid you through the shutdown?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Well, they paid us, but we like, one of my jobs on the for 400 Mentoring was to help out the You Can Mentor podcast.
Speaker 3:Oh, really?
Speaker 4:So on some of the first episodes, there are transcriptions of the episodes. I don't know if you know that, Josh.
Speaker 3:I didn't know that. But there's plenty of transcriptions of all of the most recent episodes because I'm camping on all of those. They're not posted anywhere, but I could go pull them. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because of the software that I use, it automatically transcribes it.
Speaker 4:Where were you then? Anyways You'll
Speaker 3:have to ask Steven for that because he's the one who pays for the podcast.
Speaker 4:Truly had to transcribe all these podcasts. And so the format
Speaker 3:like, literally, like, listen and type?
Speaker 4:The no. The format then was coach Steven threw them all into YouTube YouTube translation.
Speaker 3:Oh, no.
Speaker 4:Okay? Puts it into Google Doc, and then I grab it, and nobody speaks the way that they write.
Speaker 3:Correct.
Speaker 4:And so if you're transcribing, you want it to make sense this this is not an English word. You wanna make you want it to make sense Englishly. So I get this, and there's umms, ands, buts, and just all over the place. Like, there's no periods, there's no capitalization, and I'm a perfectionist.
Speaker 3:Oh, boy.
Speaker 4:Maybe this is one of the reasons I wasn't good in school, because I'm a perfectionist. So if it wasn't a 100, I didn't try. So, like, it would take me, like, at least 4 hours to transcribe 1 podcast and make it, like, beautiful. Or, like, you could read it, and it's just, like, wow. Anyways, my my best work, I don't know which episode it is, but it's the it's where I think it's episode 2 where coach Garza talks about the 2 kids, the one that grows up in, like, a a 2 parent home versus another one that didn't grow up?
Speaker 3:Believe it or not, I have not actually listened to the very, very beginning Oh, it's fine. Episodes.
Speaker 4:Just read the hey. Read the transcription.
Speaker 3:Just go read the transcript.
Speaker 4:Read the transcription.
Speaker 3:I'll be by the my bedtime reading.
Speaker 4:I'm telling you. It's one of my best works.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:Okay. So 2020 hits
Speaker 3:You're transcribing podcasts for 4 hours?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It So you're doing, like, you're churning out, like, 2 episodes a week or a day?
Speaker 4:No. Because I still do
Speaker 3:my because you're still part time.
Speaker 4:Still my part time.
Speaker 3:So, like, one episode a day.
Speaker 4:If I could do one a day, but, like, I'm telling you, like, the pandemic just made just made life weird.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like, it just made everything weird. So, like, you know, I get I guess school ends whenever whenever it was supposed to. We have that summer off. Like, nobody really knows if school's gonna come back.
Speaker 3:Right. You know
Speaker 4:what I'm saying? Like because
Speaker 3:nobody knows what's gonna happen.
Speaker 4:Everything everything's just weird. And so, like, any like, everything in life just seemed so unstable. At that point, it was, like, am I gonna come back and work a 4 Runner?
Speaker 3:Like, who How do I how do I make ends meet? How do I do this?
Speaker 4:Yeah. So as a hockey fan, I play hockey. I also rep hockey.
Speaker 3:So, you know Is that what your your side gig
Speaker 4:is? That's my that's my other side job. So that that that opened up in June
Speaker 3:because all the coaches have something.
Speaker 4:Yes. That opened back up in June 2020.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 4:It's like yes. How how
Speaker 3:how did they pull that off?
Speaker 4:Oh my goodness. So just from a a refereeing perspective, like, game slots are, like, 60 minutes, and then you get, like, a 10 minute break.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:That's that's in a normal, not pandemic year.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:K? During the pandemic, like, they they had hockey games, 60 minute time slot, and then, like, you were gonna wait like 45 minutes between your game and the next one, because they had to clean all the locker rooms. All the players had to be out of locker rooms in 15 minutes, and they had to go in there. It was just a lot, but they opened back up in 2020, and, like, Texas was, like, the one of the only states that had, like, hockey going on.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And so, like, all the tournaments were coming to Texas. It was, like, the busiest year ever, like, for the for the DFW metroplex to have hockey. So, like, it was cool, so I was doing that. Then 4 Runner 4 Runner's, like, you know, school's gonna be back on, and we didn't start till, like, the 2nd week of September.
Speaker 3:Were you on staff in 20 the 2019 or excuse me. The 2020, 2021 year? Okay.
Speaker 4:Yes. And so, you know
Speaker 3:So you only missed last year.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:K. We'll get there.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So 2021 really, like, praise the lord. It went as well as it did because, like, 2019 to 2020 was such a hard year. I'm like, I don't know if I can work with kids because, like, my confidence is just shot.
Speaker 3:I don't know if I'm cut out for this.
Speaker 4:Right. Yeah. And so, like, they gave me, I think, 1st and second graders. Okay.
Speaker 3:And,
Speaker 4:like, the year before that was just mass chaos with the 1st and second graders. We had, like, we had so many kids Mhmm. Which is great, but, like
Speaker 3:And by this time, was Quinn program coordinator?
Speaker 4:Yes. Quinn, he was gonna be taking over the site lead during that. That's another story. Yeah. But, yeah, like, I'm I just grew in my role and, like, it was great.
Speaker 4:K. Like, got the love on the kids and, like, just got to be, like, in charge of the group and, like, just not a lot of problems. Like, he was beautiful. Like
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:I really, like, stepped into really being a good coach. Right? And I, like it was it was it was a really proud year for
Speaker 3:me. K.
Speaker 4:Like, I loved it.
Speaker 3:Just saw a lot of growth there.
Speaker 4:Lot of growth, like, within myself, the way that I talk to kids, the way I interact with kids. Like
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I can see that now, like, you know, in the few moments where I see you interact with kids, because it's not a lot as we've covered, like, you just nothing fazes you. You're just like, a kid could say the most random thing or the most disrespectful thing or do the most random or disrespectful thing, and you just, like it I don't know. It's things that I look at. I'm like, that would make me incredibly mad, and I would react very poorly.
Speaker 3:And I just see you, like, smile and kinda shrug and be like, do we really need to do that? Mhmm. And, like, and just ask questions. And I'm like, man, like, I need a I need I need Joel the mentor be of how to be a mentor.
Speaker 4:Thank you. Yeah. No. So, like, that year ends, it was a it was honestly, like, one
Speaker 3:of the A good year.
Speaker 4:Best years at 4 Runner, even, like, during the pandemic and all the uncertainties and, like, having the kid having little kids wear a mask, like, through program.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:And, like, that was that was a challenge. I'm sure
Speaker 3:that was an adventure.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Because we promised the parents, like, if we're not if we are inside, we are wearing our mask. And so, like but you gotta make it fun. Right? Like, that's part of being a mentor type person, like
Speaker 3:To especially some younger children.
Speaker 4:Especially younger kids. Like, you gotta make it fun. Like, you know what? We already got these masks on. We're about to be ninjas.
Speaker 4:Oh. So I need you to ninja your way through these halls. And so, like, we walked down the halls and ninjas. Like, it was just the big thing. Like, before we went inside, I used to have, like, a catchphrase.
Speaker 4:I'm like, alright, kids. We're going inside, so we gotta have our mask. They go on, our voices, off, and our hands are to ourselves. And it was just like, I don't know. It it just doesn't flow as well to not to not say voice off, hands to yourselves.
Speaker 4:You need that Yeah. Mascot. You know? I don't know.
Speaker 3:Anyway, finding ways to make it fun.
Speaker 4:Yes. Yes. K. I I've been gifted in that way Yes. To do that, which is great.
Speaker 4:So that it was a great year at 4 Runner, and then one of my mentors who's also, like, one of my friends that I met back at Bible College at CFNI
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:He took over a drug discipleship program called Teen Challenge in Alabama.
Speaker 3:Okay. I've heard of Teen Challenge.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. And so
Speaker 3:Maybe that's, like, the one exception to the whole, there's no mentoring in Utah.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Because they're I I've heard of Teen Challenge, have some personal connections to Teen Challenge, not my me specifically, but, you know, personal connections there. I won't go farther into that, but
Speaker 4:Right. So it's called Teen Challenge, but it's it's really for, like I mean, back when it started, it was for teens, but now it's for, like, adults. So it's, like, adult and teen challenge. And so I said, hey, man. Like, if there's ever an opportunity to, like, work with you, like, I don't know what that looks like, but, like, we work so well together and, like, I trust you and your leadership.
Speaker 4:And he's, like, alright. And so, like, he gets down there in July of 2021, and he contacts me, like, 2 weeks after he gets there. He's like, hey. Like, if you wanna work with me, there's an opening opening down here. And I was like, I don't even know what that looks like.
Speaker 4:And this is this is in Alabama. So he's my my mentor slash friend, like, he's from Alabama, grew up there, and, like, one of his dreams was to go back to Alabama to do some type of ministry work. So he gets the call. He is the director of this program. So he calls me.
Speaker 4:I'm just like, wow. Okay. And coach Quinn had already offered me, like, the position to be the site lead for the k through 6 program. At that Right. At that point in time, I'm just like, you know, I don't I don't like making rash decisions.
Speaker 4:I don't get, like Yeah. A lot of time to think about it. And so I just felt a peace to go. And so like, it was the week before training started at 4 Runner, and I felt so bad, because like, I'm a person, I wanna give you the most time possible. Like, hey, you know, I don't wanna give you 2 weeks.
Speaker 4:I wanna give you a month. Like, I don't wanna cause an inconvenience.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:But this was like the week before, and I told Quinn, I'm like, hey, I I don't think I'm coming back next year. He's like, okay. Alright. So I moved out to Alabama in an all men's home. So, like, I used to work with boys.
Speaker 3:Now you're working with men.
Speaker 4:Boys to men. Alright. It's like a I get there. I That's
Speaker 3:a reference.
Speaker 4:I live I live in the center, so it's like it's a housing center.
Speaker 3:Right. So I
Speaker 4:live at my job with these men that are trying to get off drugs. And, like, we don't brand ourselves as a rehab because, like, there's no, like, rehab techniques. Like, you're coming here usually if you're there, like, this is kinda like the last straw for you. Like Yeah.
Speaker 3:You've hit you've hit rock bottom.
Speaker 4:Hit rock bottom, like, legitimately. And so I get there and, like, talk about mentoring. So I I I started out as an intern, like, the first 6 months, and then after that, they make you, like, a life coach. And so you get, like, 8 students assigned to your caseload or whatever. But the whole time you're there, like, you're mentoring people.
Speaker 3:Correct.
Speaker 4:And because they're looking at you, and they're like, okay. You're somewhat successful. You I I never struggle with drugs, alcohol, any of that type of stuff. And she's like, you're successful, like and they just ask you a bunch of questions. And so, like
Speaker 3:Like, a 247 mentor. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:And so, like, it's it's hard to live at your job. Like, that is something Yeah. Especially if you're not good at drawing boundaries.
Speaker 3:Let me guess. You're not?
Speaker 4:No. How would you know that?
Speaker 3:Oh, just everything we've talked about. Goodness. And also I'm terrible at it too.
Speaker 4:Oh, goodness. Yeah. When you live at your job, it's like you have to intentionally
Speaker 3:Be like
Speaker 4:go away.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You you have to intentionally be like, I am not working right now.
Speaker 4:Like, even Jesus drew a boundary. Like, he went off to go pray or be by himself.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Or, like, for example, we're sitting here at Antioch where I'm the technical director. I'm on staff at this church, and there are plenty of things I could do right now. And I'm intentionally going like, no, I'm not working today. That was the goal yesterday, and that did not go according to plan because I had to come over and drop off the stuff for from church.
Speaker 3:We did church in the park. And then I was like, well, I'm already here, so I might as well fix these three things that happened the Sunday prior to that.
Speaker 4:I think we that struggle with boundaries, especially, like, in a job format, are really just big servers.
Speaker 3:Big servers?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Like, we're we like to serve.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like,
Speaker 4:I'm already here.
Speaker 3:I I'm already here. I might as well do it.
Speaker 4:Like, let me just I mean, it's not and, like, not that that's a bad thing, but maybe maybe we should
Speaker 3:Or maybe it's we're owners, not renters.
Speaker 4:Owners, not renters?
Speaker 3:Renters.
Speaker 4:Or runner rentering?
Speaker 3:No. Owners, not renters. The you know, you own a home or you rent a home. We're owners, not renters. That's a reference to my episode.
Speaker 3:If you don't know that reference, go listen to that. Okay. Episode 143.
Speaker 4:143.
Speaker 3:Shameless plug. Makes a comeback. Yep. Anyway, so you go. You you tell Quinn, hey.
Speaker 3:I'm not coming back this year, literally, like, the week before training.
Speaker 4:Felt terrible about it.
Speaker 3:That was my first year.
Speaker 4:I didn't get to meet you. Otherwise, I would've. Yeah. I did. I probably met you Okay.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Woah. This is wild. Okay. So you told Quinn the week before training Uh-oh. That you weren't coming back.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I accepted I kid you not. I I I was offered and accepted the job in the junior high program the week before training. So it was like that 1st week of August when you told him that you were not coming back is the exact same week that I was in the fetal position on my couch in my living room going, God, I don't understand. And then god's like, you're gonna go mentor kids anyway. And I was like, okay.
Speaker 3:I trust you, but I don't understand, and accepted the job. That's wild.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:So Lot of
Speaker 4:have a lot of things were happening in that week. Yeah. Across the departments. But did did I meet you when we had a the they had a pizza party on, like, Friday?
Speaker 3:No. No. You weren't there? Mm-mm. No.
Speaker 3:I because
Speaker 4:I met I met Caleb.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I think you met Caleb. I don't think I could be there.
Speaker 4:That makes sense.
Speaker 3:I think I had a contract or something and couldn't be there.
Speaker 4:In October?
Speaker 3:Yeah. We met in October.
Speaker 4:We wearing a blue shirt.
Speaker 3:Sure. If you say so.
Speaker 4:I say so.
Speaker 3:Okay. I believe you. I don't remember.
Speaker 4:We went to Genghis Grill.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That part I remember.
Speaker 4:That's fine.
Speaker 3:It was you and me and
Speaker 4:Andrew and Caitlin.
Speaker 3:Andrew and Caitlin. Yep. So
Speaker 4:That's fun.
Speaker 3:And Andrew was, I guess, who they found to be the site lead?
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Thanks. Yeah. You know, it all it all it all works out in the end, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:But I was in Alabama for, like, 10 months, like
Speaker 3:Struggling to draw boundaries?
Speaker 4:Oh. And it's terrible too because, like, people, like, you know, people with that, like, in that set of circumstances, like Mhmm. They want attention too. Because, like, nobody they're they're very unwanted. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And, like
Speaker 3:That I mean, that's a big driver of addiction, and that, again, is a whole different dude, we could have, like, 4 different podcast episodes. I think we're I think we're up to, like, 4 different podcast episodes.
Speaker 4:For sure. And so, like, you know and they they could really trust me because they're just like, okay. This guy doesn't struggle with drugs, so he's never gonna say to me, hey. Let's go do something stupid.
Speaker 3:Right. So
Speaker 4:they have, like, they have a high level of trust where they can just talk to me in that way. Like, this is like an outsider slash insider. Anyways, that job was really awesome.
Speaker 3:So why did you leave?
Speaker 4:So it was in rural Alabama. Rural? Rural?
Speaker 3:Rural.
Speaker 4:Rural Alabama.
Speaker 3:I mean The little the literal middle of nowhere.
Speaker 4:I kid you not. Like
Speaker 3:cornfields as far as the eye could see?
Speaker 4:No. I mean, it was just green trees.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay.
Speaker 4:I mean, the nearest Starbucks was 45 minutes away.
Speaker 3:How do you function?
Speaker 4:I don't drink coffee. Actually, no. I'd get some How
Speaker 3:do you I
Speaker 4:I my treat for the week was, like, going to Starbucks. Okay. It's, like, I'm driving in 45 minutes. I'm gonna get myself Starbucks. And
Speaker 3:That'll, like, be what's drove to Waco for Fazoli's?
Speaker 4:That's the nearest Fazoli's? Mhmm. They have Fazoli's over in Alabama. Yeah. And he's, like, 50 minutes.
Speaker 4:So
Speaker 3:Yeah. Waco's the nearest Fazoli's to Dallas, and I am not lying.
Speaker 4:Is Fazoli's good?
Speaker 3:No. It's fast food Italian.
Speaker 4:Then why'd you get it?
Speaker 3:Because I hadn't had it in 20 years. Oh. Not quite 20. It was more like 8. But still, I hadn't had it in a long time because they don't exist in Utah anymore.
Speaker 3:And so I moved down here, and the very one of the very first things I did was look up where if there were any fazoles around and found out there's one in Waco and one in Lubbock. And my 1st year of grad school, it was a Saturday. I kid you not. I drove 3 hours round trip for dinner just because I wanted their breadsticks. That's the only, like, fazoli's, I mean
Speaker 4:I've never had it, so I don't know. Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like I mean, it's fast food Italian. So, like, it it's the quality of fast food, but Italian food and I love Italian food, but their breadsticks are fire.
Speaker 4:Yeah?
Speaker 3:Like, I mean, I would yeah. Okay. Their breadsticks are fire.
Speaker 4:Well, we talked about Raising Cane's today, Fazoli's, like
Speaker 3:Yeah. McDonald's.
Speaker 4:Really go a lot of different ways for this podcast. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm in I'm in I'm out in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 3:Back on track.
Speaker 4:I mean, like, the wifi is so bad that, like, Spectrum and T Mobile don't even come out there.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Like, they're, it's like, it's so out there, like, they won't even service it. Like, they can't even, you can't even get it serviced. So I live I live off of a dirt road.
Speaker 3:Alright.
Speaker 4:Yep.
Speaker 3:In a group home.
Speaker 4:In a group home with 20 other men.
Speaker 3:Alright.
Speaker 4:So it's like, the only times it's quiet is between 9 at night and, like, 5 in the morning.
Speaker 3:Which is lights out.
Speaker 4:Lights out. Towards the end, I got to, like, go back in between houses like at my boss's house which my friend my mentor and the center but it's like everything that you do is like being monitored like the guys know when you're there like you know, it's just, like, it's really the being a parent for 20 people.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:Like, that's really what it was like if because, like, I mean, it it's maybe, like, 3 steps below jail, but, like, they don't get phone calls. They get 2 phone calls a week.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. They
Speaker 4:don't get Internet access. They can't watch stuff on television without, like, a parental code, the only I know. So, like, there's not a lot of freedom, and they're they like, they can't take medicine without you watching them.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:They like, I'm drug I'm drug testing men probably, like, at least 6 a week. So which is a I do not like drug testing men.
Speaker 3:K.
Speaker 4:Because you have to I don't know if you've ever drug tested somebody, but
Speaker 3:No. I've been drug tested, but I've never drug tested somebody.
Speaker 4:I mean, in our line of work, a lot of people will lie.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:K? And so the only way you know if they're not lying is to check to see what's going on down south.
Speaker 3:Oh, boy.
Speaker 4:If they're wearing anything or anything's weird. And so I'm just gonna leave it right there.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:So just Moving on.
Speaker 3:We're we're trying to keep the podcast episode PG PG 13.
Speaker 4:This I I I I Googled Lake Highlands while I was in Alabama, and, like, Lake Highlands has an like, the amount of population is, like, 87,000. I think that's what I read. Or at probably, like, 90,000 now. Because, like, people are people are flocking here.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Which I
Speaker 4:don't know if you know, but Lake Highlands is, like, the number one place people wanna move in the United States. Wow. I read an article.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Which automatically makes it true.
Speaker 4:Has to be. So it's, like, 99.
Speaker 3:On the Internet, didn't you?
Speaker 4:I did. Oh, okay. Facebook news.
Speaker 3:So it's very reliable.
Speaker 4:The two cities that I lived between that were the that were, like, the big cities, the total population between those cities was, like, 60,000. We're talking, like, over a 80 mile span
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Is 60,000 people. And then we have Lake Highlands, which is 87,000 people.
Speaker 3:Which yeah. In in perspective, we're talking about 80 mile span is greater than the entire DFW metroplex from end to end. Yes. And there's, what, like, 7 and a half 1000000 people here?
Speaker 4:A lot of people. Yeah. And so, like, you know, there's just not a lot of stuff to do in Alabama. Like not a lot I mean unless you got a truck and you wanna go through some dirt roads.
Speaker 3:Or some guns.
Speaker 4:Or some what?
Speaker 3:Guns.
Speaker 4:Guns yeah. Or like you know just country living so not a lot of stuff to do. You know I miss 4 Runner. Like of all the relationships that I had like in the past like I missed all the kids.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Like, yeah. I just missed you know, like, this is home.
Speaker 3:K. So you left that job because you wanted to come back?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Okay. I didn't get fired.
Speaker 3:I didn't say you did. I didn't
Speaker 4:shot me a look like.
Speaker 3:No. I
Speaker 4:did not. Did you did you start taking drugs and that's why you left? I'm just kidding. That did not happen.
Speaker 3:No. I never would insinuate that you would get fired. I was
Speaker 4:edit out this last 20 seconds?
Speaker 3:No. Probably not.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:I was no. I was legitimately curious, like, why you left. I figured it was an intentional choice. I just wasn't sure why.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I mean, there there's a lot of factors, like so there, like, they provided you room and board, but, like, the pay is, like, minimum
Speaker 3:wage. K.
Speaker 4:And, like, you feel like you you live at your job. Like
Speaker 3:Work life balance doesn't exist.
Speaker 4:It doesn't exist. But, honestly, I mean, since there's not a lot to do, there's not a lot of spend there's not a lot of things to spend your money on.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Right?
Speaker 3:But also, there's not much of a sense of community. Right? It's not like going to church every day or every week Yeah. Every day. That would be nice.
Speaker 4:Now maybe this is with the boundary things, but, like, my community was the men's center.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:And, like, it's not the healthiest.
Speaker 3:No. Yeah. It's like foreigner being my community, which it's not. Like, you know, I have my church and
Speaker 4:You're saying that you need a community outside of your job?
Speaker 3:I think it's necessary for humans to have community outside their job.
Speaker 4:Good.
Speaker 3:Because there needs to be a place that you can go to relax or recreate where you're not having to interact with people you work with. Even if you're working at 4 Runner Mentoring and love every single person there I mean, I have a I have a phenomenal relationship with Steven. He was one of my mentors. Right? He poured into me a lot.
Speaker 3:And, I mean, heck, he just baptized me. Right? Like, I have a phenomenal relationship with him. I love him. I love Beth.
Speaker 3:I love Quinn and Darius and everybody else who's there. I love all of the coaches. Like, it is a community in and of itself.
Speaker 4:It's like the best community. It's the best place I've ever worked.
Speaker 3:Right. And
Speaker 4:Hands down.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And it's the same for me. So it's a phenomenal community. And, like, the work culture there, it like, I wouldn't trade that for anything. But at the same time, like, if they were my only community, like, there's how many people on staff?
Speaker 3:Like, maybe 25?
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, that's that's not enough. And especially since we don't all go to the same church, which for Forerunner is a good thing.
Speaker 4:It is a good thing.
Speaker 3:But for community, and in and of itself, not as much. Right? So, like, it's been really, really important for me to have built a community outside of 4 Runner, and that primarily comes from my church. Right? And it comes from Antioch.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, Steven and Tara go to go to Antioch with me, but I like, my roommate goes in here. I have a life group of friends, you know, and our life group has 20, 25 young adult singles, mostly. And we're like, we're we're the young adult or one of the young adult life groups. Right? We're all single.
Speaker 3:We're all kinda in our twenties, 20 somethings, and we just hang out. Like, my life group goes and plays pickleball, like, 3 times a week.
Speaker 4:Oh. Yeah. That's cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I don't usually ever go because I live in Flower Mountain in this 45 minute drive, but that's changing. So Yep. But point is, like, I think community is important. I think having, you know, that work life balance and having relationships outside your work is necessary because, if not, then how do you how do you draw those lines?
Speaker 3:Right? How do you like, that line between I'm not working and I'm working gets really blurry really fast. So Yep. And it's even with Steven and I, it's taken intentionality of, like, hey, let's go get lunch as friends. Or we've even like, we've we've truly even had hybrid lunches where we're like, it's the same lunch, but we talk as friends.
Speaker 3:And they're like, okay. Now we need to put hats on and talk about Oh, man. Boss employee or client contractor.
Speaker 4:That takes some practice,
Speaker 3:It takes a lot of practice, but we've been able to do it. But it takes intentionality. And it even muddies things up because, like, they're I mean, Steven is my friend, but there's also things that I can't talk about Steven with because they're things that I'm feeling or whatever that would directly impact forerunner. And so I'm like, I want to talk about this with him, but I can't because he's the executive director. Right?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. And this is not something that needs that the executive director needs to know at this moment kind of thing. So it does it yeah. Yeah. Point is that's why community outside of work is important.
Speaker 3:Man,
Speaker 4:it's a word.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's a good word. Yeah. Okay. We have this this is an incredible podcast episode.
Speaker 3:I think we've talked for, like, an hour and a half.
Speaker 4:I've had so much fun.
Speaker 3:I have too. It's been it's been great. But the title of the series the subtitle of the series? The title of the podcast is you can mentor. Would it be the title of the series or the subtitle?
Speaker 3:I don't know. Whatever. Is why I mentor. So this whole outline has gone out the window, except I do wanna hit this last one, and then we do need to wrap it up. Why does Joel McMillan mentor?
Speaker 3:Why does he show up every day at 4 Runner, pouring the kids, all kinds of kids, doing all kinds of crazy things. And why does he do it with a smile on his face? I think I know the answer just from our conversation. And, I mean, I feel like I I got to know Joel really, really well.
Speaker 4:I definitely got to know you better.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I'm yeah. No. I'm just curious. Like, what is what is your why?
Speaker 3:Like, what what is the story behind getting to Forerunner and then mentoring and then leaving mentoring or leaving Forerunner and then coming back? Right? Like, you know, that that's an amazing story, but there's a why behind it. So what is that?
Speaker 4:Yeah. I mean, just first and foremost, like, I believe that that my life can be transformed, then anybody's life can be transformed. And so, you know, no matter, like, where I work, like, I wanna be that light and that hope that somebody can look at and be like, okay. Mhmm. There's hope for me.
Speaker 4:And so with foreigner mentoring, like, it's just awesome to see people every single day, especially, like, kids from hard places. And, like, they see me, and, like, they're gonna see somebody with a smile, and they're gonna see someone that loves them. And, like, we're gonna have fun.
Speaker 3:Like And they can have confidence in them.
Speaker 4:Confidence.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And, like, you know, I might I might not be the, like, maybe number one person to, like, they seek advice or counsel from, but, like, I will probably be the number one person that they wanna go hang out with first. And so, like, you know, I mentor just because, like, I just I just wanna help I just wanna help people. I just wanna help people grow and who they're supposed to be. I mean, it's such a privilege to be able to love kids.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Like, it's such a privilege. And so, I mean
Speaker 3:Isn't there a bible verse about, like, the privilege of having children or raising children or something like that? Maybe in Proverbs somewhere? I don't know. You would know better than I would because you're the bible scholar.
Speaker 4:I mean, it does say that children's children are a crown to the age, and the parents are the pride of their children.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Which that means that grandkids take pride in having grandchildren, but kids look up to the parents. Right? Mhmm. But, you know, children are like arrows in in, like, your hand or whatever. Like, I don't know.
Speaker 4:Jesus blessed the children, placed his hands on them, told his disciples, let these children come to me.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Right? Like and so on the loving kids, getting to getting to have fun with them, that's, like, my favorite thing, is to, like, break those walls so, like, life's not life's not all terrible. Like, we can still have fun.
Speaker 3:Well, life's not a set of rules.
Speaker 4:Right. And so I think that's just the way, like, the Lord's gifted me. Like, since I've been at 4 Runner, like, I bring, like I'm gonna bring the fun. The fun will be brought. The dad jokes will be said.
Speaker 4:The grandpa jokes, the prehistoric dad jokes, I make up my own dad jokes, they're so terrible. Like awful. Puns. Wordplay. That's all gonna happen.
Speaker 4:Like, at 4 hundred mentoring.
Speaker 3:Dude, Mike I'm sorry. I'm gonna interrupt because that just the prehistoric dad jokes reminded me. Like, I don't know what happened, but the junior high kids about end of March, beginning of April, just decided to start making fun of my age. And I'm like, I'm 28. Like, I turned 29 this year.
Speaker 3:I'm not that old, but, you know, they would always just I I don't I don't even know what I would be. I would say something kind of, like, when I was your age or whatever, and they're, like, back when dinosaurs rolled or walked to the Earth. I was, like, guys, come on.
Speaker 4:You kinda setting yourself up for that
Speaker 3:one. True. But I'm also, like, I am not that old, guys. Uh-uh. Anyway, continue.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Bring on the jokes, have
Speaker 4:the fun. I will bring the fun, and I think, you know, like, kids need to have fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Right? And, like, we're an after school care program, and, like, I don't know if you ever did, like, an after school care program or, like, went to 1, but, like, it's not how 4 Runner does it. Because usually, you're at school, and, like, with 4 Runner, sometimes we're at a school, we're not. But, like, there's a place, I did it earlier, where a kid can be a kid.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:But, legitimately, like, where a boy can be a boy, but, like, we're also going to equip that boy to become a man of God. Yeah. And, like, there's no place like 4 Runner. And, like, a lot of the guys that I did serve back in Alabama, like, not all of them had, like, father's shoes or whatever, but there were some that, like, if they had a mentor, like, they wouldn't their life would not look the way it did. And for some of them, like, I tell them, like, hey, like, there's like, they call me Brother Joel, not Coach Joel.
Speaker 4:Like Brother Joel, how come you never done drugs or nothin'? Because they're from Alabama. They talk like that. I just told them, I said, you know, I grew up sheltered, and you know what? Like, being sheltered, that will get you laughed at in some circles.
Speaker 4:There's like, man, I wish I was sheltered. Because they because their life wouldn't have gone that direction. And if they woulda had a 4 Runner mentoring, because, like, this is not just a place for, like, boys that don't have a father figure, like, any boy. Like, this can help any boy that comes there. And, like, obviously, everybody that probably comes on to this podcast says this, but, like, if I had a foreigner mentoring
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Like, I'm afraid. Somebody too intentionally pour into me.
Speaker 4:Right. Because, like, I grew up as an only child and, like, I I, like, kept to myself. Right? Like, I I would not go seek help unnecessarily. But if I had a foreigner mentoring where I saw the same person every single day, that probably breaks the mold down.
Speaker 3:Yeah. If for no other reason you're in the same area as some of your peers, right, and you can build those friendships, and those are getting fostered, But also, like, the coaches are intentionally choosing to have hard conversations. Right? They're intentionally choosing to press into, you know, why did we just hit Timmy kind of thing. You know, we're we're choosing I mean, even for me, it's like I one of the big things that I what's the right word?
Speaker 3:Push or, like, model, I guess. Yeah. Model. That's the word I'm looking for. Yep.
Speaker 3:You know, of the one of the big things that I try to model with my students, as junior high students, is identifying and processing their emotions. Because that was the thing I didn't have when I was their age, back when dinosaurs walked the earth, apparently. But that was the thing I didn't have when I was their age. I didn't have somebody asking me intentionally, like, what are you feeling right now? Right?
Speaker 3:And nobody to guide me on, like, what to do with that. And some of those emotions are easy. You know, a kid hits another kid, like, he's probably angry.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:But even it goes even deeper than that of like, okay, you're angry. Why are you angry? What happened to make you feel angry? Well, he did this, this, and this. I was like, okay.
Speaker 3:What is the thing what is the lie that you're believing? What is the what is the thing sparking that anger? Mhmm. Right? And those are the things I didn't have growing up.
Speaker 3:I didn't have anybody to ask me first, I didn't have anybody ask me what I was feeling. So I just was an emotional kid who had no idea what to do with my emotions. And so What
Speaker 4:are those?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Basically. And so I just medicated them in many of my own ways. Mhmm. Incredibly unhealthy ways.
Speaker 3:But that all stemmed because nobody would ask me what I was feeling, how I was dealing with it. Nobody would teach me how to deal with it. Right? Nobody taught me how to process my emotions, and I didn't start to learn to do that until I moved moved to Texas. Right?
Speaker 3:And in fact, I was here for a year and a half. Yeah. About a year and a half before I had somebody come alongside and ask me those questions. Right? And start to ask me, like, what are you feeling?
Speaker 3:How do you how do you deal with that? Like, you know, all of those things. And so, I'm like, if I can if I can equip these students at 13 14 years old to be able to deal with the traumatic things in their life, which, I mean, it's Lake Highlands. They and, you know, especially the the demographic that we work with, like, there's a lot of trauma there. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:If I can equip them in the 2 years that I get to see them and pour into them 10 hours a week, then or to identify their emotions, be able to dig deeper into the where does this come from, and then what do I do with it? Like, I mean, to me, that's that's teaching a kid to fulfill their potential.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Because at the end of the day, like, that's what their potential is. Mhmm. Is being emotionally healthy. And if they're emotionally healthy, they can go and do anything. They can do whatever they want.
Speaker 3:Joel, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.
Speaker 4:This was fun.
Speaker 3:This was a lot of fun. This is probably the longest episode I've ever recorded. I I seriously, it's like an hour and a half.
Speaker 4:We're making history, folks.
Speaker 3:Yeah. We are. Actually, I think it's the longest episode in the history of You Can Mentor. I'd have to go and check, like, the early stuff, but I'm pretty sure it's the longest one that I've ever edited. And I've been doing this for 3 years.
Speaker 3:So
Speaker 4:Hey. You know what Fruit Loops? Thoughts on? Thoughts are on mentoring?
Speaker 3:Oh, no. What?
Speaker 4:Toucan Mentor.
Speaker 3:That's so good. Alright, Joel. One last thing. Do you have any last words of encouragement for our listeners out there before we wrap this up? Because I know you wanna take the the outro, the last 3 words.
Speaker 4:You wanna let me do the outro?
Speaker 3:I'll let you do the last 3 words.
Speaker 4:It's gonna be so good. So, folks, if you're out there
Speaker 3:But you gotta do the encouraging word first.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's what I'm doing. Okay. Yeah. So, folks, if you're out there, you need to know 3 words.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna say this at the end though. But mentors show up. If there's one thing that you can do is just show up in the life of somebody. Like, I know Josh, myself, and probably lots of people that have been on here. If you show up to somebody's graduation, if you show up to a football game, basketball game, like, you have automatically what's that?
Speaker 3:Chess tournament.
Speaker 4:Chess tournament? Whatever whatever it is. You have, like, submitted your application to be a voice in their life. And so just by you showing up, not even saying anything, just by being there. Like, you're giving yourself an opportunity to speak in somebody's life.
Speaker 4:And so if you're scared about mentoring or you don't know, like, all it is is just showing up and letting God do the rest.
Speaker 3:Alright? So good.
Speaker 4:So remember these three words. You can endure.
Speaker 3:Amen. Way to go.