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We share stories of how the blood of Jesus has transformed ours and others' lives.
Hey, everybody. Welcome to Red Ledger. I'm Denali Bell, and my friend Melissa Stanton is joining me today, and I'm really grateful. Melissa is a woman with an in very extraordinary story where she was consumed at the grips of addiction. She was involved with some very dangerous people, and through the grace of God, she found herself through that and into her new life, her new wine skin.
Melissa Stanton:Mhmm. Yes.
Denalee Bell:So today, she's gonna share with us, her transformative journey. I think part of it that really resonated with me is there are some very critical, pivotal points of clarity that you had that really led to your transformation, and I am hoping that we get to touch on that because it really touched my heart, and I hope it does yours as well. So we are just gonna go ahead and get started. Thanks, Melissa, for joining us because this is hard to share a story sometimes even in person, but on video in front of strangers can even be even more tricky in our minds. Yes.
Denalee Bell:So I thank you because I think testifying in our stories help other people. Absolutely. It helps you know, we found, on the podcast that sometimes people just knowing they're not alone is huge. Mhmm.
Melissa Stanton:It's huge.
Denalee Bell:Or they see that one person can do it so they can too, which I love. Or sometimes they're just here to celebrate
Melissa Stanton:with you, like, yay. Right. Right. Absolutely right. Yes.
Melissa Stanton:So where I wanna start
Denalee Bell:because I really kind of like these conversations to start in our childhood because I think during those transformative years, things can happen. Did you experience a happy childhood? Did you have trauma? Was there anything interesting to of note?
Melissa Stanton:I had a wonderful childhood. My parents were both loving and supportive of everything that I did. I'm a bit of a rebel. I'm a rebel, definitely. And I believe that started at a very young age.
Melissa Stanton:My parents were everything to me. I'm an only child, so I was there doing everything with them, going to church. And then I hit a good 16 years old and decided, wait a minute. I feel like I'm being forced here. I'm not gonna do this.
Melissa Stanton:And I started to really let the rebellion side slip out, and then it took charge. I left home, and it it hurt them. At 16? At 17. Okay.
Melissa Stanton:I left home. It hurt them, and I saw that it hurt them, but I did it anyway. And, they were still there.
Denalee Bell:And I have met your parents, and they are truly loving, deeply loving and caring people. So I think that is awesome. And it's always interesting because I always think, okay. Something must have happened along the way. Right.
Denalee Bell:But it sounds like just regular old teenage rebellion. Yes. Absolutely. Okay.
Melissa Stanton:Something happened immediately after I left home, which is what really started the whole ball to to roll. So Okay.
Denalee Bell:Do you wanna share that with us? Sure.
Melissa Stanton:I will. I was 17, and I got involved with a a man and ended up getting pregnant. And during the pregnancy, he was very abusive physically and mentally, very. He would lock me in the closet. And, anyway, just How old was he?
Melissa Stanton:He was my age. Okay. Same age as me. I had the baby. And, 3 months later after the baby was born, he took her by the legs over his head and slammed her head into the concrete floor.
Melissa Stanton:At that point, I realized, oh my goodness. This is horrible, not wanting to believe someone would try to hurt my child. So I didn't believe him. He's like, she fell. She fell.
Melissa Stanton:Okay. Okay. Come to find out. We had found out what he had done, and that started my progress of starting to try to hide all of my emotions right there. That's where the pain began.
Denalee Bell:So had you by this point, had you started I don't know if you were drinking or doing drugs or what your party of choice was. Yeah. No. Not at all. Okay.
Denalee Bell:So at this point, you're 17. You're clean. You're having a baby. Yeah.
Melissa Stanton:What was the catalyst that, like, led you down the addiction road? Many other relationships just like that one.
Denalee Bell:Oh, so there was a pattern built?
Melissa Stanton:There was a pattern built of of choosing the wrong relationship, not because I was hungry for a man, not because of anything like that. It was because I was hungry for being wanted. I was hungry for acceptance. I was hungry for attention.
Denalee Bell:Okay. So this is a tricky one for me. I just have the benefit of knowing your parents. Yeah. And it doesn't seem like that would have lacked within the parenting for you to want to seem doesn't it seem like in life, like, it's something you didn't get so you go seek it?
Denalee Bell:Right. I mean, that's how my that's my story. That doesn't mean it's your story?
Melissa Stanton:Right.
Denalee Bell:No. So it's interesting.
Melissa Stanton:I understand that completely. It is interesting. It it was such a healthy home growing up. I had to throw a a ball into it. I had to wreck it.
Melissa Stanton:Just pure rebellion and trying to go the hard way. I always chose the hard road.
Denalee Bell:Like I said before, you and I would have been gasoline in a match together at
Melissa Stanton:that age
Denalee Bell:trying to think I could do it better. Uh-oh. I didn't
Melissa Stanton:do it better.
Denalee Bell:That's interesting. So just to rebal your spirit. Yes. Terrible.
Melissa Stanton:Okay. Terrible. So many other relationships like that, other abusive relationships and
Denalee Bell:I suppose the knot created some kind of sense about yourself. Right? Horrible.
Melissa Stanton:It was horrible. I I suppressed everything. I let it all just sit there and smolder and never dealt with any of it properly ever. I just let it build on top of another one, on top of another one, on top of another one. There, I'm sitting there like, what am I?
Melissa Stanton:I don't wanna feel anymore. I can't stand this. I'm hopeless. I'm helpless. What do I do?
Denalee Bell:And you weren't sharing with anyone?
Melissa Stanton:Oh, no.
Denalee Bell:How come?
Melissa Stanton:I didn't wanna look like I was a failure.
Denalee Bell:Oh, okay. So this leads me to another question because you did grow up in a family where your father was a pastor.
Melissa Stanton:Yes.
Denalee Bell:And so you also have to wonder, do you think part of the rebellion was the pastor's kid rebellion? Syndrome. Per se. Yes. Yes.
Denalee Bell:Okay. Because there's, like, so many expectations.
Melissa Stanton:Right. Right. You live in a glass house. And I remember one time in the church, I was drinking or doing whatever, and the people of the church went to my dad and said, you know, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. What's going on here?
Melissa Stanton:And I felt horrible. Like, I can't believe I'm bringing dirt into my mom and dad's home, and they've been so kind and just to me. So I was like, watch this. Watch what I can do next. Terrible.
Melissa Stanton:And left home and just, you know, just stayed gone.
Denalee Bell:And then you're not sharing with your parents what's happening because I I feel like they might have helped you through it.
Melissa Stanton:I'm sure they would have. Yes. Okay. My mom picked me up one night, and we were gonna go bowling and have a family night. And she came over and scuffled my hair.
Melissa Stanton:And I I leaned back, and she says, what is wrong? She felt lumps in my head. I'd been beat up, and it it crushed her heart to know that I was going through that and not sharing it with anyone. I was just in my own little cave, in my own little world trying to hide.
Denalee Bell:Is is that when you started doing drugs?
Melissa Stanton:Not yet. Okay. Not yet. Okay. What's next?
Melissa Stanton:So I thought that I found love. I finally thought I found love. Alright. And I had a good job. I was working as a nurse and traveling from house to house.
Melissa Stanton:And
Denalee Bell:So you were a single mom, got through nursing school.
Melissa Stanton:Mhmm. Okay.
Denalee Bell:That's that's a big deal.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. It was it was a lot of work. I mean, I had I had times where I was on top of the world, and then I had times where I was I was funk. So they relate. Yes.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. So my boss took me out one night. We went to the bar, and she goes, hey. Can Can you find me some Coke? And I'm like, I don't know.
Melissa Stanton:I don't I don't do that stuff. Anyway, I found a guy who looked like he might have known what the Coke world was about. Anyway, I went to him. I said, do you know where I can find any of that? And he says, no.
Melissa Stanton:But I have this, and it was meth. Oh my goodness. And how old were you? I was 30. Okay.
Melissa Stanton:Maybe 35. Okay. 35, I believe. And
Denalee Bell:So this happened later in life? Oh, yeah. That's fascinating.
Melissa Stanton:Oh, yeah. This was it was 7 years ago when it happened. Wow. So how old was I then? I don't do math very well, so it's okay.
Melissa Stanton:It's fine. Anyway, I did the meth in the bathroom of the Whitewater Saloon in Meridian. Okay. And I never stopped for 5 years. Never stopped day and night.
Melissa Stanton:You just
Denalee Bell:did it once and thought Yeah. What was the experience like? What did why why do you think Yeah. That took a hold? It made me feel like
Melissa Stanton:I didn't have any other pain from prior that I'd been suppressing. I didn't feel any of it. I felt like I was on top of the world and I could do anything and that I was going to do everything. So can
Denalee Bell:you share with us what really what that journey looked like while you were on drugs? Like, what happened to your family? What happened to you? Absolutely. Yeah.
Melissa Stanton:For the 1st year, it was great. I,
Denalee Bell:I mean, you it's great as it
Melissa Stanton:can be. I mean Yes. There weren't any real problems. And then I started making contacts with other people, and it started growing and getting bigger and getting bigger. And my family started giving me this What do you mean by you were getting bigger?
Melissa Stanton:I was, involved with some very questionable people Okay. Selling drugs.
Denalee Bell:Okay. Because you you had to sell probably Yes.
Melissa Stanton:Sell for a higher up to other people. And Okay. I had quite a large following. So I was successful. And, that's a terrible thing to say like that, but I was successful, daughter, my best friend.
Melissa Stanton:So your daughter was living with you as time? With me. Yes. Okay. Both of my daughters.
Denalee Bell:Were you still working?
Melissa Stanton:No. I was no longer working.
Denalee Bell:Okay. Because you didn't need to because you had the business. Great income. Yes. You still have your daughter, but you're no longer
Melissa Stanton:working as a nurse. Right. No longer working. Okay. I started looking at my kids like, what?
Melissa Stanton:What's going on? Why are you why are you revolting against me? What's going on? We're having fun. I'm the fun mom.
Melissa Stanton:We're we're enjoying life right now, and they weren't buying it. They were not buying it. I didn't see anything but what I was doing for me.
Denalee Bell:How did it affect them? Like, looking back well, you can probably see the effects now.
Melissa Stanton:Right? Looking back now, even to this day, Gabby, my daughter, will say something to me in jest, and it'll just it'll just hurt. It hurts so bad. Although I did I did heal from that. There's just times that she wants to get me and she gets me.
Melissa Stanton:So Yeah.
Denalee Bell:I I hear you.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Yes. But but it hurt them so much to see what their mom was doing. I know they saw it. I tried to hide it, but they they they saw through it.
Denalee Bell:Because they were probably old enough to understand something was different. Oh, definitely. Definitely. How old were they when you first started?
Melissa Stanton:Gabriela, which is my youngest, was 16.
Denalee Bell:Oh, so yes. So she knew what was probably going on even. Yes. Absolutely.
Melissa Stanton:Okay. And my oldest daughter was, 20.
Denalee Bell:So Wow. Yeah. Okay. They knew. That's really later in life.
Denalee Bell:It really is.
Melissa Stanton:It really was.
Denalee Bell:But hear this happens amongst nurses sometimes later in life. Is this not is this something you witnessed? Or
Melissa Stanton:No. I didn't I didn't witness any of that. Okay. I just know that it could be.
Denalee Bell:Or maybe it's just the stories I've heard that are anecdotal. I don't wanna say there's a statistic here.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. It it definitely could be because the nurse is the one who's the caretaker, the one who takes care of everyone else's problems and leaves them behind. Like, it's okay. And then finally, one day, they snap, and they're like, oh, no more. It's all about me.
Melissa Stanton:You know? Something like that. I don't know if that's factual, but maybe.
Denalee Bell:So now you're knee deep in the drugs. You're selling drugs. Yes. What does your life look like?
Melissa Stanton:It was a chaotic wreck. It was a mess. The man that I thought that I loved, which I do, I still do, I ruined his life. I did horrible things. I ruined my kids' life.
Melissa Stanton:My best friend, she at the time, I thought she turned her back on me. Like, I'm sitting here, and I need you. And and little did I know she needed me more. Aw. So, anyway, that's it's a lot of things.
Melissa Stanton:I I killed a lot of things. But but, through this journey, I I learned so many things about what I hold precious to me and what I'll never let slip away again.
Denalee Bell:Praise god. Yeah. I don't know how much you wanna share or if you wanna share about this.
Melissa Stanton:Mhmm.
Denalee Bell:But I find it interesting you found yourself selling drugs. How did it evolve from using to selling?
Melissa Stanton:It was just a contact or 2 that that had ample supply and and wanted to make a lot of money, and it was cheaper to buy bigger. And so I just started doing that. Kinda like consequence. I see.
Denalee Bell:So there's consequences. Your family's starting to fall apart. Mhmm. What are your parents thinking at this time? Do they know what's going on?
Melissa Stanton:Oh, they know what's going on. Yes. Yes. But I wasn't listening to reason. I wasn't listening to anyone saying you you gotta stop.
Melissa Stanton:I was like, you know, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm good. Don't you worry about me.
Melissa Stanton:You're fine. Okay. Bye. And then keep them at arm's length.
Denalee Bell:So I don't know. We had a podcast. I think you might have seen with Josh on it, and he was saying meth was the best thing he had ever done.
Melissa Stanton:Oh, yeah.
Denalee Bell:Yeah. I I just find that fascinating It is. How scary that
Melissa Stanton:is Yes.
Denalee Bell:How scary that statement is. Yeah. Because we've seen the pictures of people on meth, people not on meth. Did you look markedly different? Absolutely.
Denalee Bell:Okay. Oh, yes. Did you have that meth look? I absolutely did.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Absolutely did.
Denalee Bell:I just can't see it.
Melissa Stanton:But I have lots
Denalee Bell:of pictures. Sweet. What made you stop?
Melissa Stanton:Looking around at my life.
Denalee Bell:Mhmm.
Melissa Stanton:I'm not gonna say looking back because it it wasn't a time now to look back. It was right there in the moment. I looked around. I had no one. My daughters had moved out, moved in with my mom.
Melissa Stanton:I was all alone, and God spoke to me. Within this this still hours of the night when I'm sitting there high as a kite, and he says, my daughter, this is not who I created you to be. So I tried to stand up on my own. I tried to put my feet underneath me and say, okay. Well, I gotta get this fixed.
Melissa Stanton:Still high. Still high, but making provision and making my situation better so that I can leave that situation. I kicked all the little weirdos out of my house. And So
Denalee Bell:you had a community, like
Melissa Stanton:a community? Just people. Just just just hanging out. But you still felt alone. Oh, yeah.
Melissa Stanton:Because they weren't anything to me. They were nothing.
Denalee Bell:Yeah. Because they probably can't really be there for you either if they're probably partaking in the same things you are. Right? Yeah.
Melissa Stanton:They just wanted what was in my pocket.
Denalee Bell:Okay. That's it. That's it. So did you always believe in God? Mhmm.
Denalee Bell:So this wasn't new, and it wasn't shocking to you that God would speak to you.
Melissa Stanton:Oh, no. Not at all. Not at all. I grew up in a in a spirit filled home. Not that I was so much spirit filled at the time because I I wasn't putting my time into him.
Melissa Stanton:I wasn't putting my time into anything else but that.
Denalee Bell:So were you saved as a child? Yes. Okay. Yes. And so you were saved and you knew Jesus, And then you backslid.
Melissa Stanton:Is that
Denalee Bell:here? Oh, I've I've done it too. No judgment. No condemnation. Like, I hope to never do it again.
Denalee Bell:The grace of God, you carry me and I'm Right. To your strength. Yeah. But I'm just trying to get the story. Yes.
Denalee Bell:Yes. So so you backslide probably through your rebellion. Yes. Okay? Yes.
Denalee Bell:And then you hear God's voice.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Back I'll back up just a little bit more. I was actually the worship leader from my dad's church for years. And so I I had a a walk with the Lord. I had a good one.
Melissa Stanton:I had a great relationship with him, and yet it wasn't quite true. You know what what I mean is try to defend myself. It was you know, I had a relationship with him, but it wasn't as deep it wasn't a manifested relationship with him because I hadn't allowed it to be.
Denalee Bell:When when I was younger, I mean, I was saved younger too, but I didn't have that, I guess, intimacy with him.
Melissa Stanton:Yes.
Denalee Bell:It was more of, oh, this is what you're supposed to do. This is what the Bible says. Yes. Exactly. Exactly.
Denalee Bell:Yeah. It was more of a religion. Absolutely right. That's that's exactly what it was. My own created religion.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. And then then I created my own hell.
Melissa Stanton:It was my own created hell. So, I mean, I have been through the fire and came out and realized that was ridiculous what I put myself through and my family through, because I created it because I didn't wanna feel anymore. I didn't wanna feel Jesus anymore. I didn't wanna feel God. I didn't wanna feel the call on my life that I'd ran so hard from my entire life.
Melissa Stanton:I didn't wanna feel it. How come? I didn't feel I was worthy. That's what it always boils down to. It?
Melissa Stanton:Always for everyone. Absolutely. Yeah. I got my house struggle with that.
Denalee Bell:Do you Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. Like, oh, me too. So I got my house cleaned out, and I went to a rehab facility that takes 2 years to get into. I made a phone call. And they said, oh, can you be here Monday?
Melissa Stanton:And I said, okay. I suppose so. I suppose so. Right. Was that not a call?
Melissa Stanton:My goodness. Got right in. It was hard getting there. It was the longest drive in the world. I kept trying to take detours.
Melissa Stanton:Like, I I'm not sure. I think I need to do something else first. But I got there, and I spent 3 days, and I was very sick. Very sick, but I was I was trudging through it. For detox?
Melissa Stanton:Uh-huh. Yes.
Denalee Bell:Because you were using daily?
Melissa Stanton:Daily, nightly for that many years. Okay. Yes. I I never stopped. I never stopped.
Melissa Stanton:Wow. And 6th day, I was feeling quite a bit better. The 7th day, I woke up that morning, and it felt like I could see how blue the sky was. I could see how green the grass was. I could smell smells in the air, and I started feeling again.
Melissa Stanton:I started feeling feelings. And I went to my probation officer, because I did get in trouble with the drug world. And I said, well, I'm moving out of rehab. She says, no. You're not.
Melissa Stanton:And I said, I am. And she goes, you know, everybody who gets clean thinks that they're gonna go conquer the world. And I said, but guess what? I will. And she's like, okay.
Melissa Stanton:I love her, by the way. She was wonderful. She was wonderful.
Denalee Bell:Oh, that's awesome.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. So I left rehab, and I went and moved in with my mom and started growing a relationship with her again and started growing a relationship with my kids again. It was a definite slow, steady race, but but we're getting there.
Denalee Bell:We're there. So yes. Because they have to earn Oh. You have to earn their trust back. Right?
Denalee Bell:Absolutely.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. But it it was good. So clean, never looked back on drugs. I've never looked back. Do you have any desire?
Melissa Stanton:Never. Not even a little bit. Not an unclean. No. Now a desire to maybe, I'm gonna word this wrong, but to maybe feel like I can conquer everything, but I have found a different substance.
Melissa Stanton:That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. That was the end of the drug journey, but not the end of the fight. The struggle began began then.
Melissa Stanton:It was definitely a struggle after that. And up up until now, there's still struggles, but it was half the battle to stop the drugs.
Denalee Bell:And because I was gonna ask you, was the finally feeling something bittersweet? Because you weren't feeling anything, and now you're feeling it. It's beautiful, but there's also real feelings you
Melissa Stanton:have to deal with. Real feelings. Real feelings of dislike, of hate, of discontentment, of all of these things that that brought me to my knees in the first place that made me even wanna feel numb. So I had him on my side the whole entire way, and he'd show me little things what to do next. Because you can't go to a book.
Melissa Stanton:You can't go to a manual and say this is how you get off drugs. This is how you get clean and stay clean. Nope. I had I had my father who was there every single step of the way to show me this is your next step. This is your next step.
Melissa Stanton:Did he speak loudly to you? Absolutely. Absolutely. Because I wasn't it wasn't I would
Denalee Bell:want him to.
Melissa Stanton:Absolutely. It wasn't distorted by other feelings of anything. It was me this is me and you, god. This is me and you. Holy Spirit, I'm gonna let my foot dangle until you guide me to where I'm gonna step next, and you're gonna guide me through it.
Melissa Stanton:And he did, and I believed him for every minute of it, and he did.
Denalee Bell:That sounds surrendered. It was surrendered. Had you ever fully surrendered? Never. Never.
Melissa Stanton:So then I just had to start healing myself from what made me wanna be numb in the 1st place. That's the battle.
Denalee Bell:And what does that look like?
Melissa Stanton:I went to jail. And while I was in jail, I was mad and sad because I still had that mentality of, oh, I my you know, I'm good. You know? I'm fine. Still have that mentality because I still have to heal a lot of stuff.
Melissa Stanton:Mhmm. And so I found out I had to spend 14 days in jail. My goodness. So the first three days was miserable. It was horrible.
Melissa Stanton:And everybody around is crying and whining, and and so I go lay in my bed, and I'm like, this is this is lame. I hate this, but I gotta get through it. So I went and picked up a Bible, read several verses, like, greater is he that is in me than he that is in this world. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. It was just a moment of, like, you know, I know all this stuff.
Melissa Stanton:This is kinda yada yada yada at the time because it wasn't a realness to me yet. It wasn't a manifested reality to me yet. That night, I began to cry. For what reason? I'm in jail.
Melissa Stanton:People are looking at me like, oh, sorry you're here. But it was different. It was definitely different. I felt a call. You know how when you start a diet or something or you start to do something and you have to go buy your shoes and go buy your this to get ready for your walking and all of
Denalee Bell:your things. Into
Melissa Stanton:it? Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And I'm like, okay.
Melissa Stanton:Well, I've gotta get worship music together because because Jesus, God, holy spirit said, come with me. Just come with me for a minute. And I'm like, no. Like, okay. Well, I would get all this together.
Melissa Stanton:I gotta find my bible. I gotta do all this. He said, stop. Just come spend a minute with me.
Denalee Bell:So he was gonna do a
Melissa Stanton:new thing. He's gonna do a new thing, and it was a great thing. It changed my life in jail. Yes. Ada County Jail.
Melissa Stanton:Changed my life. Praise God.
Denalee Bell:He shows up everywhere.
Melissa Stanton:He's everywhere. I'm laying in bed, and I'm crying. And then I hear the voice of the father saying, we're gonna do something. It's time for you to forgive yourself. So I'm like, okay.
Melissa Stanton:Okay. Fine. Fine. I could do that. So he took me to myself back when Shaylyn, my oldest daughter, got hurt.
Melissa Stanton:That very moment, I remember where I was standing and what I was doing in the same household. Not at the time that she got hurt. I wasn't there. But in that moment where I'm standing there so broken and so alone, the first time I had ever been really truly beaten down. And he so I went to myself, and I put my arm on my own shoulder.
Melissa Stanton:And I looked at him. This is so it was so real to me. And I invited him to come up here with me, and we both held her, and we both forgave her at that very moment where she was standing. And then it it felt so healing. Right?
Melissa Stanton:Just that one. That had to be a rough one that I'd been carrying for that many years. It had to be so hard. And then he would remind me of things I didn't even remember, things I never even thought of. And he says, okay.
Melissa Stanton:Well, let's go here. So we would go there and do the same thing and love her and forgive her and tell her that it's gonna be okay and tell her that she's forgiven and that she's loved and she's redeemed. Wow. That opened up a whole new world to forgive me. Did that stick?
Melissa Stanton:Absolutely. It did. Grace, god. Of course, it did.
Denalee Bell:Jesus is on you healing you. Right. Forget, man. It absolutely did. That.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. It it absolutely did.
Denalee Bell:Because that's a common struggle for all Christians too to feel like they're worthy of the forgiveness. Yes. It's human. And we're not, and that's why we needed the savior. Yes.
Denalee Bell:But thank you that we are forgiven and that he does want us to forgive ourselves. Yes. He wants that. Yes. So we don't live in that shame and guilt because that's where all the bad stuff happens.
Denalee Bell:It's horrible there. It's horrible. Did you ever experience any issues before that because of shame and guilt? Do you think it ever kept you somewhere bad?
Melissa Stanton:It's a really interesting question. I believe that's what formed my way of parenting, the guilt. So I would let them do whatever and not be the mom that I was supposed to be. Yeah. You know what?
Melissa Stanton:I'm sorry. Yeah. Okay. Let's do that. It also formed me into being a people pleaser and a I'm sorry.
Melissa Stanton:Okay. Let's do this, which in turn it's a vicious cycle of relationships of parenting the wrong way of living the wrong behavior around you. Yes. Yes. Because I was guilty.
Melissa Stanton:I'm not good enough to be a a a good enough participant in this relationship, so let me do what I can do and show you other ways of love when that's not love.
Denalee Bell:It isn't. It's, you know, I I kinda went through this with my oldest son too because I divorced his father, and I felt such incredible guilt over it that I I did things and let things happen that were just highly inappropriate because Yes. I felt bad for him, and I wanted him to like me, and I didn't want him to feel abandoned. Right. You know?
Denalee Bell:All of this stuff.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. And it's just yeah. It's really hard.
Denalee Bell:Really Big mistakes are made in that those places. Absolutely. And it wasn't helpful for him. Right.
Melissa Stanton:No. No. Just prolonging the inevitable of things are gonna slide bad.
Denalee Bell:So Some circles, we call that codependent behavior.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Exactly. But we are healed. Yes.
Denalee Bell:So we don't. For sure. For sure.
Melissa Stanton:So then I got out of jail, and the whole entire rest of the 9 days that I spent there, I was in the word, and I was praising God for where I'm at. Because, you know, I'm I'm sitting there stuck. There's no way I'm turning back now. I'm gonna start making a good foundation for a real life, for the life that he created me to have. So I'm in the word and and and just in my own head, in my own little bunkie right there, and and just just building myself back up.
Denalee Bell:Wow. Making great use of your time in jail. Right.
Melissa Stanton:Right. It wasn't too bad. It's awesome.
Denalee Bell:Yes. You had some verses that you held on to. Mhmm. Right? Mhmm.
Denalee Bell:Did you have any, like, specific concepts that God taught you during that time that still carry you, that you hold on to? Like, okay. This is the truth.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. Absolutely. So definitely the greater is he that is in me. He's he's greater than anything in this world that that can ever be offered, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have the strength of him.
Melissa Stanton:I have I have I have him. He abides in me, and I abide in him. But here's the big one, that the God of our lord Jesus Christ, the father of glory, will give unto us the spirit of wisdom and the revelation and knowledge of him. And so I just thought about that. Okay?
Melissa Stanton:That we may know what is the hope of his calling. Okay. The hope of his calling, what does that even mean? And I've never heard this preached before. I've never heard it talked about or taught before, but I started reeling on it laying in my little little cell, that we may know what is the hope of his calling.
Melissa Stanton:Okay. So God has hopes. I mean, he created he created all of us, and he hoped that you know, when he created me this is how I saw it. When he created me, he had a hope because I do have free will, and I I messed that up a long time ago. You know?
Melissa Stanton:But the hope of my calling, what did that look like before I got in the way? The hope of my calling. He had placed these callings on my life and these giftings in my life and said, okay. Well, there you go. What was that what was that looking like?
Melissa Stanton:What did that look like to him through his eyes? And now I'm gonna do everything I can do to make that a manifestation. I'm working on trying to find out what it is that he saw. Mhmm. Yeah.
Melissa Stanton:To see through his eyes what that looked like.
Denalee Bell:I think that's so you know, when I have difficulty with someone or something more than myself, I I often ask god, help me see them through your eyes. Yes. Yes. And it's always this beautiful or sad or heartbreaking thing that gives you compassion for somebody that might be painful. Absolutely.
Denalee Bell:Yes. It's pretty awesome. He's so good. Sure. Can you tell us any challenges that you experienced in your faith on this journey?
Denalee Bell:Were there any setbacks? Were there any, like, come on, god.
Melissa Stanton:Why is this happening? Definitely. Absolutely. Yes. I I started Life Bible College, and that was great.
Melissa Stanton:I was still only maybe halfway through my build up journey. You know? I was only halfway there. And then you start bible college? Well, during bible college, I was still building.
Melissa Stanton:I had only been so I've only been clean since February 22, 2022. So it's 2/22/22. That's my sleep date. That's awesome. Anyway and then I started school in September, so that was only clean for 7 months before you met me.
Melissa Stanton:So
Denalee Bell:Wow. So I did meet her through Life Bible College because we were both students there, and we are graduating this year. Good. Nice. Pretty excited.
Denalee Bell:And I instantly loved you and your family. I mean, just instantly. So
Melissa Stanton:Me too. Me too.
Denalee Bell:You were in bible college? Yes.
Melissa Stanton:And things were going great. I felt my relationship with with God, my my my relationship with everyone was building at this point. So it it absolutely helped train me and shape me and change my way of thinking and and change everything about me. But there was still you notice the difference between me now and last year? Yes.
Melissa Stanton:You do?
Denalee Bell:I do. I do see a difference. There's more diligence.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Yes. K.
Denalee Bell:So you're setting a good example for me.
Melissa Stanton:There seems to be less anxiousness? Yes. Absolutely. That's huge. That's huge.
Melissa Stanton:I'm not constantly trying to, oh, what are we gonna do next? Where are we going? So that was a part of that lifestyle that I had to kill off, and and and that's it's working. I mean, I still get hyper because that's just who I am. But,
Denalee Bell:that's funny. I was talking to Dani yesterday, and she's she did a podcast with me yesterday. And it was she was talking about the hard part of it was realizing I'm
Melissa Stanton:gonna be bored. This is gonna be
Denalee Bell:boring Yes. Or thinking that she's gonna be bored. She's it turned out that she was wrong. Yeah. But being okay in the peace Absolutely.
Denalee Bell:Okay in the quiet was really hard for her.
Melissa Stanton:While I was fixing my house, getting ready to get clean, I was like, I'm just gonna be bored. I'm gonna be I said that so many times. I'm gonna be bored. I don't wanna do it. I'm gonna be bored.
Melissa Stanton:But I'm never bored. I I lacked for nothing to do. I I'm out in the woods all the time. I do all kinds of weird stuff. You know?
Melissa Stanton:So I I'm never bored. I love it. A lot going on. A big thing that came at the end of the school year last year was, I had to take over custody of my grandson. And at the time, I was feeling pouty.
Melissa Stanton:Like, this is my time. I'm I'm going to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. I'm gonna go around, and I'm doing all kinds of stuff. I wanna I I wanna go minister and and teach other people what what god, you know, what god has for them, the hope that he gave me the to those that are hopeless, to those that are feeling like I'm not gonna get clean, I'm gonna stay here. And so then I'm like, oh, man.
Denalee Bell:And sounds like he gave you that ministry. Yeah. He gave you that grandson. He did. He was you gave you your ministry.
Melissa Stanton:He did for the for the season, and he's wonderful. And I was feeling so sorry for myself. Like, man, I wanna be playing right now. I wanna be out doing stuff. And that also settled me down.
Melissa Stanton:Like, no. This is what I have for you right now, which I'm glad because at that time, I wasn't even where I'm at now. You know, I was still strung and kinda you know, I just wanted to play. But
Denalee Bell:And what if you took off playing? I know. I mean, because I look at you know, sometimes when he stops me from what I want Yes. And I'm frustrated Yes. Yes.
Denalee Bell:And it's better. It is. Like, he gave me something better. Right.
Melissa Stanton:Now I have a little buddy to take with me. Fishy. He's so cute. He's he's something else. So cute.
Melissa Stanton:Absolutely. He's he's a blessing to my life. And and he he loves to worship the Lord with me. We'll lay in my bed and we'll listen to my worship right before we go to bed. We sleep together, you know.
Melissa Stanton:It's probably not great, but
Denalee Bell:we sleep together. They do in other cultures. Right. I know. My kids slept with me for a long time.
Denalee Bell:Right. Right. Yes. But well Oh, they're gonna love that. Yeah.
Denalee Bell:You're welcome. Right.
Melissa Stanton:But we lay there, and I put my worship music on. And he'll lay raise his hands. I love you, Jesus. And it's just it's he is such a blessing to my life. So Praise God.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. It's wonderful. That's awesome.
Denalee Bell:Sometimes wonder what ministry God has for me in life because I know I want to do something,
Melissa Stanton:like you said.
Denalee Bell:Yeah. But, you know, he keeps telling me, you are healing. Like, you're healing. Right. And you're gonna help people people within 5 feet of you be healed, it's gonna be a ripple effect.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Yes.
Denalee Bell:And it doesn't look like what I naturally wanted it to look like. Right. But it looks still beautiful because I I see this, like, pebble going in the water and it just rippling out. Yeah. Right.
Denalee Bell:So my healing will cause others to get healed, which is kind of why I wanna do podcasts like this
Melissa Stanton:with you because I I believe that. Mhmm.
Denalee Bell:I really do. I believe your healing will get other people healed.
Melissa Stanton:Absolutely right. That's exactly right. It it will. And if I look back, if someone were to come to well, they did. They tried so many times coming up to me.
Melissa Stanton:You know, God loves you. God wants you back in the ministry. That happened several times with some other people, not my parents, but other people. And I just feel like, shut up. Stop.
Denalee Bell:Did any of it stick with you? Were any seeds planted? No.
Melissa Stanton:No. No. It irritated me. Okay. So That's interesting.
Melissa Stanton:It irritated me really bad because I know. I know what you're trying to tell me. I know. I know God wants me back. I'm gonna do this.
Melissa Stanton:Uh-huh.
Denalee Bell:Yeah. Did did anyone say you know, I've had people in my life who have been in your shoes. Mhmm. And I prayed constantly for God to send laborers because they didn't wanna hear from me. Right.
Denalee Bell:Did you feel like any labors because I'm guaranteeing your parents said the same prayer. I I would bet a 100 I'd bet a 101. I'm sorry. God, I'm probably not supposed to bet. But if I could bet a $100, I would bet that your parents prayed those same prayers that labors be sent to you.
Melissa Stanton:Daily. Daily. I know that they
Denalee Bell:did. Did did you have any labors sent to you that you knew were from God that you heard or that maybe helped or changed things? You can be honest. If not, I'm just curious. There was I feel like I'm gonna love where this goes just by
Melissa Stanton:the look on your face. There was a man who was part of the cartel. Okay. And I couldn't speak to him, because he spoke purely Spanish. But I had an interpreter.
Melissa Stanton:And we were sitting on my couch. We're just sitting there being silly together and had the interpreter there, and he said something about God. So the interpreter told me, and I was like, you believe in God? And so it's it went through this weird little channel, and I brought out the guitar and started playing the guitar because he was there for the night. We're just chilling there.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. And we started talking about God, and then we didn't need the interpreter anymore. Wow. Isn't that weird?
Denalee Bell:You know, I think people have a hard time with this. Yeah. But if you look in the Bible, God used imperfect people the whole way through Yes. To share his word or to do. So I think
Melissa Stanton:it's really cool. Yeah. And it wasn't so much that he was sent by God. I'm not saying that. I'm saying the fact that that little maybe that little stirring in my spirit even though I was high, and I don't wanna be a hypocrite because I'm not a hypocrite in any way.
Melissa Stanton:I would never say that. But it's I still felt that little stirring, and we're sitting here talking about the Lord, and it feels a little bit little like ministry a little bit, but it still made me hungry for him and for more of him.
Denalee Bell:I think he does that. Yeah. I mean, I think that's how he he's beckoning Yes. Beckons us back.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. That still small voice was still
Denalee Bell:in there. Shows up even you know, we try to push him out, and sometimes we're successful. Right. Right. But thank you for your relentless pursuit of our hearts, God.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Absolutely. He's so good. So good to us. So at that point, with making making all of the foundation as seamless as I can as he can, as we both do together.
Denalee Bell:So he cuts one addiction out of your life? Yes. And people often replace it with something else? Yes. Did you find yourself in that situation?
Denalee Bell:Apparently, yes.
Melissa Stanton:I did. It was it was something else that soothed me along with with God and and, you know, the the relationship with him.
Denalee Bell:Do you wanna share with us what it is? Sure.
Melissa Stanton:I absolutely can. It's a it's an addiction to, eating the wrong kind of foods and and So I have
Denalee Bell:struggled with similarly. Uh-huh. In fact, just so we're transparent here too and you're more comfortable in this conversation. I do that with food. I used to go until yesterday.
Denalee Bell:It's it's I'm working on it. Right? It's it's something God and I are dealing with. Yes. I go to what we call the carbohydrate closet here
Melissa Stanton:in the house Uh-huh.
Denalee Bell:And I can hang out there Yeah. And eat massive amounts of food Right. Right. To deal with a problem. Yeah.
Denalee Bell:And then I punish myself Yeah. In extraordinary ways. Absolutely. Absolutely right. And we're I'm not punishing myself anymore.
Denalee Bell:Good. Unfortunately, that led to tremendous weight gain. But
Melissa Stanton:I feel like it's part
Denalee Bell:of the process that he's taken me through.
Melissa Stanton:Absolutely. Absolutely. I completely agree with giving up this one giant thing Yeah. For something else. So
Denalee Bell:Well, it seems less harmful. Right? And it is in some ways because you're not hurting other people, but this is what I found about it. Yeah. I'm hurting myself, and then I'm hurting people around me because I'm crabby and nasty about it.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Absolutely. The way I'm working on that is, is I'm trying my best to break all of the old habits and the old way of living, and I'm wanting to create a more perfect vessel so that I can be a living sacrifice to him. And it's not so much that I want, like, I'm I'm gonna sacrifice my body. It's no.
Melissa Stanton:I I want every decision that I make to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.
Denalee Bell:You wanna be in his will.
Melissa Stanton:Exactly. I wanna be healthy.
Denalee Bell:I'm not fully there yet. I wanna say I'm fully surrendered. Uh-huh. But did I pray for this to go away yet? No.
Denalee Bell:Uh-huh. Right. But I am putting up boundaries. Yes. You know, we are in a class right now where they're talking about putting up a boundary, not not when you're on the cliff Uh-huh.
Denalee Bell:But a boundary before. And so I'm we're not snacking anymore. We're we're getting rid of the snacks. I know you just saw a thing. It's chips that I just hid.
Denalee Bell:But as soon as they're gone, we're done snacking. Though I understood. But you know what I mean? Yeah. I think that's the whole problem with addictions Right.
Denalee Bell:Is it's us seeking something other than God. Definitely. Right?
Melissa Stanton:Yes. And that's not okay. It's not okay. So So that's that's the the part of this journey right now is is that. Let's get that out of the way.
Melissa Stanton:Let's get things under control. Let's get your body where it needs to be healthy so that I can be out on the field as his hands and as his feet healthy.
Denalee Bell:Well, it looks like you are on that journey and you're losing weight and you feel good.
Melissa Stanton:Yes. Feel good. Good.
Denalee Bell:Feel good. And you're being more mindful about your food, about
Melissa Stanton:Definitely. Whatever your issue is. Definitely. Yes. Definitely.
Melissa Stanton:I'll have
Denalee Bell:to share things with you.
Melissa Stanton:I've been doing little creative, little keto friendly, little funny, little beautiful, presented little foods and stuff. Oh, do you enjoy the art to stay here? I love it. It's so fun. Yes.
Denalee Bell:And I love to eat. Yeah.
Melissa Stanton:See, I'll bring you some healthy things. Yes. Perfect.
Denalee Bell:Perfect. Because when I do do the snacking, it's not healthy at all. So you probably lost some friends, some family along the way. Throughout this recovery process of yours. Have you got some people back in your life?
Denalee Bell:Or what does that look like? Yes. Are they okay with the new you? Did they I mean, I imagine this new you isn't anything even like
Melissa Stanton:the old version. It's it's not. I'm I'm 100% different. I mean, I'm still goofy and silly and and just it's that's still me and that's me, and I don't wanna change who that is. But I'm not I'm I'm not as codependent.
Melissa Stanton:I mean, I'm still working on things. I'm not as much of a people pleaser. I that's a big thing is I used to be such a people pleaser, and I would I would get myself into a horrible amount of trouble. And now I'll stand up and say absolutely not. That's not happening.
Melissa Stanton:So that was kind of a good thing that I I learned out of that. The people that I lost, I am so thankful that they didn't run away, and they didn't run away far. Because the relationship that I have with every one of them is better than it ever was because it's real. It's not being me being codependent. It's not me being a little shell mess of a person because I've been a mess of a person since I was 17 years old.
Melissa Stanton:And now that I'm 40 something
Denalee Bell:And still much younger than me.
Melissa Stanton:I, I feel that there's the only way to go is is absolutely way up from here with those relationships that are that have come back and that have I mean, it it has taken some time with some of them, and I'm I'm ready for it to take all the time in the world because they're worth it to me. That's awesome.
Denalee Bell:It looks like, because I can, you know, see you navigate some of your relationships. It looks like everyone's all in. Like, your immediate family, everyone's all in. Like, you guys are very tight.
Melissa Stanton:We're very, very close.
Denalee Bell:That's nice.
Melissa Stanton:Yeah. I'm so blessed to have every single one of them.
Denalee Bell:Do you think that support helped you
Melissa Stanton:in this recovery process? 100%. Yes. Okay. Yes.
Melissa Stanton:I wasn't alone through any of it. Yeah. I had had both my kids, my mom, my dad, and my my stepmom mom, and my best friend, Jesse, who who, it she she had to protect herself. And But she's back. She's back.
Melissa Stanton:Oh. She's back. We've been friends since we were 14. Wow. So Yeah.
Melissa Stanton:Wow.
Denalee Bell:She's a
Melissa Stanton:good girl. But my kids, that's a huge part. My my oldest daughter came to me the other night, and she says, mama, I'm so proud the one that got hurt. She said, mama, I'm so proud of you to see where you've been and where you are now. You're the most amazing mom in the world.
Melissa Stanton:She's that's just the way she is. So I'm not, like, giving myself kudos, but I'm just saying that that our those relationships are mended and still mending and getting better than they ever were in the beginning. So I'm so happy. Good story. Like, that doesn't always
Denalee Bell:it doesn't always turn out that way. But, you know, sometimes people in addiction never take these steps towards Right. Recovery. Right? Yeah.
Denalee Bell:Okay. So you're in recovery now
Melissa Stanton:Mhmm.
Denalee Bell:And you're maintaining sobriety. Is that hard? Is it difficult? Was it just is it just removed, or can you be around I mean, not that you'd wanna be around drugs or alcohol, but is it something you could deal with and not be tempted?
Melissa Stanton:Absolutely. Absolutely. I have no no want, no even a still small secret in the back of my my mind that I would wanna use again. There's no way. It's completely been removed.
Melissa Stanton:It's completely been sanctified. God completely took it away.
Denalee Bell:Okay. That answers that question. So I've had this conversation on another podcast with a non Christian. Mhmm. And I've had it with a Christian.
Denalee Bell:Mhmm. The non Christians seem to be, it's white knuckling through it. Like, every day is a fight to stay sober. Yeah. And the Christians are
Melissa Stanton:It's just gone. It's it's removed. Gone. Gone. Gone.
Denalee Bell:God God removed it. This is what Danny said. He just took she took the appetite, pour it away. It's just gone. That's what
Melissa Stanton:it is. Like, they have the 12 step program, but I have the 1 step straight to him. It's it's serious. It's real.
Denalee Bell:You know, I believe my mom quit smoking. Mhmm. Just like one day, there she just heard one word that was right, prayed, gone. Yeah. And she'd smoked for 50 years.
Denalee Bell:Wow. Like, who I mean Yeah. Isn't that crazy?
Melissa Stanton:It is. It is. I'm sure she
Denalee Bell:doesn't want anyone knowing she smoked now. Sorry, mom. I love her. She's wonderful. So looking back on your life, what are you most grateful for?
Melissa Stanton:I am grateful that I am God called, spirit filled, and reaching my destiny, and nobody gave up on me, and that I was good enough. I was created good enough, and I'm learning that every day that I am good enough.
Denalee Bell:Praise God. You are. You are such a delight. You truly are. I'm
Melissa Stanton:it's
Denalee Bell:such a weird word delight, but you you make my heart happy when I see you. Your mom too and your dad and your stepmom.
Melissa Stanton:I mean, you're just very good people. Oh, thank you.
Denalee Bell:I'm appreciative. So if you could leave one message for people about your story that you would really want them to understand and know. Like, if your story could do or say one thing, what would you want it to say to people?
Melissa Stanton:I would want them to know when they're sitting in their home or wherever it is that they're sitting and they're getting high and they think that there's no other way of life, that there's absolutely a way of life that's beyond that. There's hope when you're feeling hopeless, and there's life after the death that you're creating.
Denalee Bell:This is the resurrected you. Mhmm. That's awesome. It is. Well, thank you, Melissa.
Denalee Bell:Do you wanna add anything else? No. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. I really wanna thank you for sharing your vulnerable, authentic, courageous story here because this is hard.
Denalee Bell:It's hard to just share it, you know, with people, but on video for strangers too. I just I know we already talked about it at the beginning, but it is hard. And I appreciate you doing this because Absolutely. I I do believe it helps people. We get messages all the time from stories like this.
Denalee Bell:Yes. Yes. Private messages from people who are so grateful, or they're moved to pray for the person in the podcast or whatever. Yes. But there's just no I don't really see the downside.
Denalee Bell:So I appreciate it, and thank you so much.
Melissa Stanton:Thank you.
Denalee Bell:And thank you so much for joining us today. Be sure to like and subscribe. It helps us bring stories like Melissa's if somebody wants to watch them. It helps the algorithm. Thank you.
Melissa Stanton:You guys have a good day.