Crazy Hockey Dads Podcast

New routines, new teams, big emotions - here’s how to show up.

This week, Scott and Jamie open up about the quiet signs that something might be off - not with the game, but with the kid. From sudden shifts in attitude to the moments where effort just disappears, this episode is about how to support your player when they’re struggling in ways they can’t explain yet.

In this episode:
- Jamie breaks down how outside stress can sneak into the rink 
- Why early-season emotions are real and how to not dismiss them as drama
- Tools for creating space, checking in, and helping kids feel heard when they’re spinning

It’s not about fixing. It’s about paying attention and giving your kid the confidence to face the mess, not hide from it.

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What is Crazy Hockey Dads Podcast?

A relatable and honest podcast about the highs and lows of being a youth hockey parent. Join us as we share real stories, struggles, and wins from the rink, offering insights and support for parents navigating the world of youth hockey.

Jamie:

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Crazy Hockey Dads podcast episode 32. Yes. 32.

Scott:

Yes.

Jamie:

Oh, hope everybody had a really nice weekend. Hope you guys had some good games. Hope your kids did well. Hope your parents did well. Scott, how'd your weekend go?

Scott:

Well, before we get there, James, I just wanted to welcome everyone to the Crazy Hockey Dads podcast, the unfiltered podcast for hockey parents. No politics, no sugar coating, just real talk for hockey parents in the trenches, Helms.

Jamie:

I did it again.

Scott:

You did it again. You done didn't do it.

Jamie:

I done didn't do it.

Scott:

No. You ain't done For

Jamie:

the second time in a row, I didn't do it. You might need to change it. Which part? All of it. All

Scott:

of it.

Jamie:

All of it.

Scott:

Listen, I'll make sure to get you a box of

Jamie:

all And of it with your new again, and you highlighted it again. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, you definitely did. Anyway, so how's it going?

Scott:

Great now. That we've got Nice,

Jamie:

nice. Weekend good?

Scott:

The weekend was mixed.

Jamie:

The weekend

Scott:

Overall was good. But speaking specifically about hockey, we lost one on Saturday morning which was a true unraveling.

Jamie:

Isn't it terrible when that happens?

Scott:

Yes. Yeah.

Jamie:

Because Like the wheels just fall off at one point in the game and then it's just everything just doesn't go right from then on.

Scott:

The worst.

Jamie:

Worst feeling.

Scott:

So there was some really good takeaways. I was really impressed with the team's passing. It was like all of a sudden

Jamie:

Before the meltdown.

Scott:

Yeah. So the score should have been more than one nothing going into the third period.

Jamie:

One nothing you guys.

Scott:

Us. Correct. And then we didn't manage to put more pucks in the net,

Jamie:

which was unfortunate. Always dangerous.

Scott:

But the team the team was passing well. I I was like, it was honestly like a a light switch went off a little bit.

Jamie:

Mhmm.

Scott:

And it was I felt like I watched a lot more individual hockey up until this past Saturday. And then all of a sudden, there was a, like, more north to south passing. There was more, like, spreading the play in the neutral zone. Now get listen. There's still plenty to work on, no doubt.

Jamie:

Things are still new.

Scott:

It was it was for me, it was noticeable that there was a there was a difference. And that was great to see even though that the score was, you know, like one nothing. And then

Jamie:

Right.

Scott:

We we had some defensive lapses and the puck went in the net a little too easily

Jamie:

Right.

Scott:

Which can happen.

Jamie:

It happens. Yes. It does.

Scott:

But after a strong performance and the goal you know, for the most part, our goalies played really well

Jamie:

Okay.

Scott:

Which was also good to see. But then the wheels fell off, and that happens. And it was Yes. Annoying. But Yes.

Scott:

It is. Happens to the best of us.

Jamie:

It does.

Scott:

But this was kind of spectacular.

Jamie:

Those were always fun. Was the coach freaking out?

Scott:

No. You know, I think Otto said that they didn't they couldn't even talk.

Jamie:

The coaches?

Scott:

Not literally. He but more Otto Otto more or less said they they were kinda speechless. I'm sure they said words.

Jamie:

I'm sure they did.

Scott:

And I also Otto has a very tough time remembering anything the coaches tell you.

Jamie:

So what does Dominic, by

Scott:

the way? I go, what did the coaches tell you on the bench?

Jamie:

He goes, I don't know. Don't know.

Scott:

What did they say after the game? I don't know. I'm like, you just got out of the locker

Jamie:

I was just saying, What what coach in the locker room? I don't know. I don't care, man.

Scott:

What do mean you don't?

Jamie:

Dominic does it too, so I I get it. Yeah. That's rough, dude. Yeah. Rough.

Jamie:

That

Scott:

was Saturday. But then they bounced back hardcore on Sunday.

Jamie:

And you guys got a w?

Scott:

A w. A ten two w.

Jamie:

Oh, yeah. That's a big w.

Scott:

After losing four to one in the last three minutes on Saturday.

Jamie:

Okay. Oh, yeah.

Scott:

That's not Yeah. It was like the last three minutes, four goals, like two goals, the same shift. Oh, no time out? Yeah. You could they were scoring too quickly.

Jamie:

It didn't matter?

Scott:

You couldn't even call a time out that quick.

Jamie:

Gotcha.

Scott:

But then they came back on Sunday, had a big W.

Jamie:

Okay.

Scott:

And so that was Nice. Yeah, that was good. Didn't make it to the game on Sunday. Was at my daughter's soccer game.

Jamie:

Okay.

Scott:

Wait. I can't even call that soccer. I don't even know what that was.

Jamie:

It's just a bunch of girls running around

Scott:

Yeah.

Jamie:

In, like, big

Scott:

And no disrespect. They they shouldn't be any better.

Jamie:

No. That's what it should

Scott:

look like. But this is exactly what it should

Jamie:

look That's precisely what it should look like.

Scott:

It's really hot. I got sunburned. Really?

Jamie:

Was that hot on Sunday?

Scott:

On Sunday, if you sat in a field with no trees and no clouds, it was Got it. It was toasty.

Jamie:

Alright. That's always fun watching mite soccer ish. Right? I mean, I don't know what they call it. Mites.

Jamie:

What do they

Scott:

call it?

Jamie:

What do they call that?

Scott:

I'm not even sure.

Jamie:

Yeah, me neither. All right, listen.

Scott:

I don't know.

Jamie:

All right. Oh, so the missus took Orly took Orly. The missus took Otto.

Scott:

Correct. Oh, god. Both of Correct Amundo.

Jamie:

Too many too many o's.

Scott:

O for Otto Mhmm. And Orly. Mhmm. And

Jamie:

what? Too many o's.

Scott:

Too many. I thought you said tomatoes.

Jamie:

Too many.

Scott:

Oh. Yeah. I guess.

Jamie:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. That's good.

Jamie:

Alright. Good.

Scott:

Listen. Yeah.

Jamie:

My weekend was similar to your mixed comment. Similar. Saturday, we we got lost to a team we had no business losing to.

Scott:

That sucks. Were you in the game? Or you just you know you're a better team and you perform?

Jamie:

We were. You know those games where start watching and you're like, wow, nobody's playing? You know those games? Nobody wanted to play. It was crazy.

Jamie:

Interesting. And it was just the passing. Everything was just clunky and disjointed. You think when you see it, it just doesn't look right? Like the passes are not connecting.

Jamie:

You're throwing the puck behind somebody or in front of somebody or they go to pass and they whiff on it.

Scott:

No one really could. And no one caught, like, a rhythm or

Jamie:

a stride.

Scott:

No flow to the game. Nobody. Playing knock hockey?

Jamie:

Dude, there was so much slapping of the hockey puck. Yeah. It was so not fun to watch as a Yeah. No. That was it was it was shocking.

Jamie:

It was it was crazy. And like and our our good players, they did not they decided to be sleepwalking that day. It didn't go well.

Scott:

You hadn't seen this team before, correct?

Jamie:

No, actually. So it's funny. We drove up to Stanford to a place called Wings Arena.

Scott:

Yeah. It's new, right?

Jamie:

I never heard of it. I pull up to it and I'm like, Nancy, I'm like, how have we not heard this place?

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

Like, we've heard of every place.

Scott:

It opened last week.

Jamie:

It opened last week.

Scott:

That's crazy.

Jamie:

Which is I don't know who put it together, but the wings play there.

Scott:

I I mean Who are who are the wings?

Jamie:

I don't know. But they're

Scott:

You played them?

Jamie:

We did.

Scott:

It's like a new club.

Jamie:

I'm assuming it's brand new. I'm pretty sure they're part of the old Hartford Whalers. It's a lot of kids from that area, the Sono Ish area. So beautiful rink, like spectacular rink.

Scott:

How many sheets? Just one. Okay.

Jamie:

Yeah. But it's beautiful.

Scott:

That's awesome.

Jamie:

It's in an industrial area. You have no idea where you're going when you're pulling up to it. Okay. But it's beautiful, really nice.

Scott:

And you guys did not pull out the W?

Jamie:

No. We lost four three, I think. Yeah. We were down

Scott:

Did it go to Wait. Four one. Tied at the end of it. No. Is there overtime?

Scott:

I'm so embarrassed to say this. Is there overtime?

Jamie:

I'm pretty sure there is.

Scott:

There is, right?

Jamie:

Yeah. I think there is. I think. We haven't been to one, I don't know. But I think there is.

Jamie:

I'm pretty sure there is overtime.

Scott:

Yeah. Think I to said that, but I wasn't

Jamie:

I'm pretty sure there is.

Scott:

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So this was

Jamie:

We had no business losing

Scott:

money. This was a regulation loss.

Jamie:

This was a regulation loss. We were down like four one.

Scott:

Alright. Let me claw back a little bit.

Jamie:

Yeah. Was it was but it was not good. You know, was ugly.

Scott:

I asked if you had played them before because the on Saturday when we lost, we had played that team in the showcase and we beat them pretty handily. And I was telling Otto in the car, I said, dude, like, you've lost to teams that are, like, mediocre at best.

Jamie:

I have no business losing to them. And like It happens all

Scott:

the time. It happened like in the final

Jamie:

in the

Scott:

in the THF finals last year, Otto's team blew it against it. Like, we were I mean, my hockey rankings, I don't even know if they were in the top between 5,100, probably. If I had to guess, they were not. And we were nineteenth in the country and What we

Jamie:

score?

Scott:

Honestly, don't even remember, like, two to

Jamie:

two to Isn't it crazy when you lose to teams like that? It's wild. I mean, it's like two totally different games.

Scott:

It's unbelievable.

Jamie:

We had a game years ago. We were up in Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Hampshire I can't remember where we were. I could picture the rink in the parking lot but I don't know where it is. I want say Rhode Island. And we played the Boston Junior Terriers.

Scott:

Okay.

Jamie:

The Boston Terriers in the morning. And we played them as the last game of your group to see who's getting the playoffs. And we played them in the morning, call it like, I don't know, 10:30 quarter to eleven and we beat them four-one. And then we found out that we had to play them at 05:00 that afternoon for the first round of the playoffs and we lost them four-zero. Same team.

Scott:

Same team.

Jamie:

Both and two totally different outcomes. The kids played in the first game, didn't want to play in the second game.

Scott:

I found that

Jamie:

It's unbelievable. It happens all the time.

Scott:

It happens all

Jamie:

the time. I'm sure Yeah. If

Scott:

you win the first

Jamie:

one people listening know exactly Yeah. What I'm

Scott:

100%.

Jamie:

It's awful. It's awful. Yeah, it's annoying. It's awful.

Scott:

Especially if you're the better team.

Jamie:

Exactly. It's awful.

Scott:

No doubt.

Jamie:

The puck just does not go in the net. And I don't know if it's like it's funny. I think kids I remember so the guy who's our hockey director now

Scott:

Yeah.

Jamie:

So he was coaching one of our games The same weekend we had the pro shop incident

Scott:

That

Jamie:

coming through the same weekend, same general idea. We played a team that we played the second game of the first day. We beat them like seven-six. But we were beating them like seven-two and they came back and we held them up for like a seven-six. Then we played them the next day.

Jamie:

And I remember our hockey director said because he was the head coach of that team at time, my spring team, and he said, I'm worried because it's hard to beat the same

Scott:

And team we

Jamie:

came out and lost like six one. Yeah. It was terrible.

Scott:

Oh, that's so annoying, man. Yes. So that was that was what? That was on Saturday you were in Connecticut?

Jamie:

That then was Sunday,

Scott:

you came back with a w?

Jamie:

We did. We beat a team that we beat in the showcase.

Scott:

Oh, good.

Jamie:

Yeah.

Scott:

Yeah. Similar outcome or was it a better game?

Jamie:

Or Very similar. I think it was I think it's the exact same score, like seven two.

Scott:

Oh, so you yeah. You also added drumming on the second.

Jamie:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We we yeah.

Jamie:

It was I mean, that team gets chippy.

Scott:

Oh, that was the team where there was the boarding calls when you were at showcase. And I think you had a few boarding calls you mentioned.

Jamie:

I'm trying to think if well, it's funny because the team that we played Sunday, when we played them in the showcase, they had a player not playing because

Scott:

he Oh, no, throwing a punch. That's what it He was,

Jamie:

didn't play against us because he was fighting.

Scott:

And so he played against you this time?

Jamie:

He played against us this Sunday.

Scott:

And did he throw any punches?

Jamie:

You know, one of our kids threw punches with somebody in the last three, four seconds of the game and they both got fighting minors or But roughing

Scott:

no suspensions?

Jamie:

No suspensions, no. I don't think so at least. I'm pretty sure there are no suspensions. But but yeah. So when we play this team, it's gonna get chippy again.

Jamie:

Like, I think we have to play them a couple more times.

Scott:

Then you gotta bring the body.

Jamie:

Yeah. You know, it's funny. On Saturday, we did not we were not physical at all. I mean, at all.

Scott:

Was the other team? Or was it just a nonphysical No,

Jamie:

they were.

Scott:

They were.

Jamie:

They were more physical than us, but we were not physical at all. Nobody wanted to touch anybody. Saturday was crazy. Our whole team did not show up. Now, I will say this.

Jamie:

It was like a 05:00 game. And I don't know about any of you guys, but Dominic's teams never play well in the evening games.

Scott:

I think it's harder for young kids to I bring it at the end of the

Jamie:

think they're spent.

Scott:

They're spent.

Jamie:

I think they've used all of their mental capacity for the day and I think that they are just toast.

Scott:

I do think it's a little different at tournaments.

Jamie:

Tournaments sometimes are different because I think the energy is a little different.

Scott:

Right. And you kind of know that you have the

Jamie:

you You're have gonna have an evening ish game. Or like a 04:00

Scott:

The mindset's a little different.

Jamie:

Right. But for some reason, those games where the kids have to do stuff all day long

Scott:

and then show

Jamie:

up then to a play.

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

It never goes well for us. Us. Ever since Dominic was a might, those games never go well for

Scott:

us.

Jamie:

Although I will say this, now that we're Bantams, we have a lot of evening games. Dom's leaving for practice right now as we speak. We're looking outside and literally his teammates picking him up. And I think we have an 08:00 practice, eight to nine.

Scott:

It's getting late.

Jamie:

Yeah, it is, right? Yeah. I mean, comes home, he crams his homework and he goes to bed.

Scott:

When he sleeps before he goes to practice? Is that what you said?

Jamie:

No. He crams it.

Scott:

Oh, when he gets home

Jamie:

from Yeah. He'll do it.

Scott:

He hasn't done his homework yet?

Jamie:

He, for the most part, does. Maybe he had a couple problems with the math to do or something like that. But there's not a lot of time. That's for sure.

Scott:

When he gets back, there is not.

Jamie:

That's what I mean. There's not a of time. No. But yeah. So we're playing evenings a lot now.

Scott:

It's an adjustment.

Jamie:

I'm curious what that's gonna look like moving forward Because all of our games not all, but a lot of our games are in the evening.

Scott:

You also got to think about what they're eating too. And I'm not

Jamie:

No question about that.

Scott:

And staying hydrated. 100%.

Jamie:

Just have this conversation.

Scott:

Yeah. It's important. And with auto

Jamie:

It's enormous is what it is.

Scott:

With auto, we have the same I mean, it's to a lesser degree because we don't have as many stuff as much stuff in the evening. But there there we have more and more conversations around food and drink. Yep. When I say drink, like hydrated. Yeah, know your drink.

Scott:

Like it's becoming more and more important because like, know, if the practice is later, he's like tired,

Jamie:

he He's has a sluggish. Yeah. And like

Scott:

we went through this the other day and it's like, did you bring And so part of it also stems from like, he didn't bring his water bottle to school he didn't drink water much as he would have during the day. Then he comes home and he has a headache and then it's hard to get rid of the headache and now he's tired now he's He's

Jamie:

got practice.

Scott:

Laying down and he doesn't wanna get up to go to practice. It all kind of snowballs.

Jamie:

It does. 100%. They're their own worst enemies.

Scott:

No. Right.

Jamie:

Because they cause it for the most part. Right?

Scott:

Look, it's a learning process. So and, you know, we we should talk about

Jamie:

I call

Scott:

it being unprepared. Well, yes. But you have to learn how to be prepared. You have to learn how to do these things. It's like one thing if, like, you know what you're doing.

Scott:

True. Learning onto itself is something that you need to, in many ways, learn to do.

Jamie:

You're right.

Scott:

Personal organization is not something you're necessarily born with. No. You're right. Like, so all of these things are gonna take reps. They're gonna take constant reminding.

Scott:

And because they're

Jamie:

Constant reminding.

Scott:

They're simple but not easy sometimes.

Jamie:

Yes.

Scott:

You know? And and as a parent, you wanna pull your hair out of your head. And like, you know, I think you, a couple weeks ago or whenever it was, you were talking about even brushing their teeth.

Jamie:

Oh, my God.

Scott:

You know, we have the same thing in our house. And it's like It's a struggle. It's a struggle.

Jamie:

Everything's a struggle.

Scott:

The struggle is real. That's awful. But these kids need to learn how to do these things.

Jamie:

Sure they do.

Scott:

And they also there are things that they don't necessarily want to do. No, And so they need to be encouraged, they need to be reminded, they're gonna lie about what they did or did not do.

Jamie:

Yes, they do.

Scott:

Like constantly.

Jamie:

Yes, they do.

Scott:

And so it's one of those things where, I I mean, we all have different breaking points and different bandwidths throughout the course of the day. But I'll tell you sometimes, there's some things where I was like, I I don't wanna die on certain hills because at the end of the day and we we actually had practice the other day and this is maybe not one parents get too bent out of shape about, but like skate tying. It's like, if he wants me to tie skates right now Right. I'll do it. I know I'm not gonna tie skates for the rest of his life.

Scott:

And so

Jamie:

for No. It should be coming to a close soon.

Scott:

It will. Yeah. So but that that's not something that, like, if not I

Jamie:

get it.

Scott:

I'm not gonna battle him to practice tying his skates at home if he doesn't want to because there's more important things to get into an argument about. This is true. You know what I mean? So fine. I'll fucking tie your skates.

Scott:

And then one day, you're not gonna need me to do it.

Jamie:

But One day, he's not gonna want you anywhere near the locker room.

Scott:

Which is fine. Yeah. And that'll be a great day

Jamie:

Yeah.

Scott:

In some ways. Yeah. But stuff like schoolwork or, like, nutrition, like, these are things that we need to continue to teach them because they do require repetition. And it's not something they're going to be, I don't know, necessarily doing themselves.

Jamie:

Yeah. It's funny you mentioned that because Dominic and I had a conversation about being prepared. You know? And I think we touched on that in the last podcast or two podcasts ago. Forgot which one it was.

Jamie:

I always try to tell Dominic to make sure that he's prepared and especially for hockey games. Warm up your hands, warm up your turns Saturday was rough.

Scott:

Him on the ice.

Jamie:

Rough. Super duper rough.

Scott:

Why don't we

Jamie:

Which brings us to our topic.

Scott:

Yeah. Yeah. Let's get into it.

Jamie:

What did you call our topic? You you had a better name for our topic than I did. What did you say?

Scott:

Adjusting to change.

Jamie:

Adjusting to Adjusting to The way you said it was better. Yes.

Scott:

Yes. Go ahead.

Jamie:

No, no. I was just saying adjusting to change, I think,

Scott:

difficult.

Jamie:

It is difficult. I guess there's some kids that are better at it than others. But like you said earlier, off the air when we were talking about it, I think everybody probably feels it in some capacity.

Scott:

Absolutely. And it's not specific to children either. Mean, like No, that's true. How many adults say Yeah. Do you hear adults say, I'm a creature of habit?

Scott:

I mean, like, do you adults Most people don't wanna step

Jamie:

out of their comfort zone.

Scott:

No. Yeah. But, like, that's where the learning is. That's where the growing is.

Jamie:

A 100%.

Scott:

And that's true for kids. It's true for adults.

Jamie:

A 100%.

Scott:

And it can be really uncomfortable. Sometimes it's not a have to, it's a want to. And like you're choosing to put yourself in a situation or not.

Jamie:

Which is good. I like that.

Scott:

Like choosing to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. But there are sometimes risk forced upon you.

Jamie:

That's true.

Scott:

And like you also have to like figure your way through it.

Jamie:

Yeah. Right. Which aids growth. Mean, you grow from that, from putting yourself in an uncomfortable position whether you want it or not. So yeah, so we had a lot of that going on, I would say over the last week and a half ish.

Scott:

Adjusting to change.

Jamie:

Yes, but it came out like a bomb went off on Saturday.

Scott:

Well, you dive into that, just to take a step back, I think the motivation for talking about this today is that I think most of our listeners out there, especially if you got kids who are on the new team or maybe in the new or in the new grade, potentially a new school, there's a lot of firsts kinda happening with respect to like the like the new team, the new school, whatever.

Jamie:

Sure.

Scott:

There's a lot of change and oftentimes that manifests itself as stress and there's discomfort. So getting when we first picked up the hockey season picked up again, it's exciting. But that big That cloud

Jamie:

initial excitement wears off and then everybody kind of settles back.

Scott:

Right. And now you've learned a little bit more about your teammates. You've learned a little bit more about the families. You've learned a little bit more about the kids in the school. You've learned a little bit more about how hard or not hard the school year is going to be.

Jamie:

And that's where the anxiety starts to sink And now you're like, into a bunch of

Scott:

shit, this is my life for the next, hour of many months.

Jamie:

And can't get out of it. No. Yeah. And when you look and you look and you know that you're just starting a school year, the road is long. Like, June is not close.

Scott:

Not close.

Jamie:

Right? Like, summer just ended. Like, you you're gonna be there for a while.

Scott:

So most of our children right now are living with some level of discomfort. Yeah. Anxiety. Right. So

Jamie:

Let's call discomfort probably manifested to anxiety and stress. Stress.

Scott:

Yeah. And so I think we've both had situations and you can, you know, let you go you know, share about like all the things that kinda led up to this past Saturday. But I think, you know, at least for today in this conversation, it's really about, you know, recognizing the fact that, you know, we are parenting younger kids who don't necessarily have the skills and the experience

Jamie:

They don't have the tools to navigate

Scott:

Right. And so

Jamie:

a lot of this stuff.

Scott:

When they give us pushback on things that maybe they didn't like last year or maybe it feels like a step back. You know, quite honestly, it just might have everything to do with the stuff they're dealing with at school or what whatever it might be. And this stress is something that they need to adapt to and they have to work through. So anyway, go for it. Yeah.

Scott:

So

Jamie:

for those of you that don't know, Dominic's in a new school. So Dominic started a new school for eighth grade. So all new kids, all new teachers, all new building, literally from the ground up. So like you said, the first week everything was kind of nice and shiny and new.

Scott:

New and exciting.

Jamie:

They really didn't get into a whole lot of academics. Same with auto, yeah. It's all formality type stuff. And hockey started, right? And most of us went so everything was kind of new and exciting like you said.

Jamie:

Initial cloud had not worn off yet. So then when he settles down into week two and the academics start to kind of show themselves and the homework starts to come and he had a ton of math homework, like a lot of math homework.

Scott:

Specifically math compared to the other subjects.

Jamie:

Yes. Interesting. Yeah, he had a lot of math and so Dominic is in a school that's just eighth graders, okay? There's 36 of them. 33 of them are second year eighth graders, so they should be freshmen in high school.

Jamie:

Dominic is one of three true eighth graders.

Scott:

In this school program.

Jamie:

So the math that they're doing, these kids have seen.

Scott:

Right. So it's coming easier to the large majority of Right. Them, most

Jamie:

So Dominic is So a couple things threw him for a but like a loop. He's nervous about his math class. He made that known to Nancy that he's I think he has a test tomorrow or Thursday. He's nervous about

Scott:

it.

Jamie:

So that made him uncomfortable. The first day of school, they started doing presentations. Been there for two weeks and he's done five presentations where he has to stand up in front of the class and speak.

Scott:

Get thrown into the fire.

Jamie:

100%, which I love. Don't get me wrong. I think it's phenomenal. They're making him uncomfortable and he has to kind of figure it out and work through it. But what happened last week is between the math and the presentations and knowing that they're coming fast.

Jamie:

Once he's done with one, another one comes.

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

Right? So he had it was actually pretty cool. They had to listen to We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel

Scott:

Really?

Jamie:

And pick somebody that they heard and do a report on it in front

Scott:

of Who do you take?

Jamie:

Wow. JFK. I had to think about it for a second.

Scott:

Really?

Jamie:

Yeah. Who would you have picked? Joe DiMaggio probably.

Scott:

I would have picked someone I have no idea about. Hemingway, Eichmann.

Jamie:

Strangers than a stranger?

Scott:

Eichmann. I'll choose Eichmann. I don't know who Eichmann is. Fox Eichmann.

Jamie:

Yeah. I'm just singing the song in my head. Yeah, but I thought that was a cool thing that the teacher gave him or gave the class.

Scott:

It is cool.

Jamie:

They listened to the song and mean,

Scott:

cool for us to Yeah, it was cool

Jamie:

for him. And he did well on it, but he doesn't like presenting in front of Listen, most of us don't like public speaking. You're actually a good public speaker.

Scott:

I'm down.

Jamie:

You're actually very good at speaking in front of a group.

Scott:

I don't mind.

Jamie:

Yeah, yeah, no, I know you don't. So when you in eighth grade, did you mind?

Scott:

Oh, yeah.

Jamie:

Of course. Most of us probably did.

Scott:

No. I was put into situations that I had to do it and then

Jamie:

Yeah, it's uncomfortable.

Scott:

But for whatever reason, I got used to it.

Jamie:

That's good.

Scott:

And I don't mind it.

Jamie:

I had to speak at my mom's wedding when she married my stepfather and that was uncomfortable.

Scott:

You know, I was

Jamie:

And I was 37.

Scott:

So it's funny. Was uncomfortable. I totally I mean, I feel like I did. I did. I I don't even think I'm being hard on myself, but my sister's wedding, I spoke after my brother.

Scott:

My brother's fucking good.

Jamie:

Did he crush it?

Scott:

Yeah. He crushed it.

Jamie:

So you had to follow him? Is that the worst? But like, how am supposed to follow that?

Scott:

No. It was that wasn't even it.

Jamie:

You're like, I little brother just hammered me. Dude, did if I really thought it was gonna be

Scott:

a problem, I probably would've been like, dude, let me go first.

Jamie:

Yeah. Exactly. But, like, I do you follow me?

Scott:

But, like, I don't have a problem with it generally.

Jamie:

No.

Scott:

You're That night in particular You

Jamie:

had a problem?

Scott:

I was like, really?

Jamie:

Was it off the cuff, did you have something written?

Scott:

No. I also decided to do it off the cuff, which is also a mistake.

Jamie:

Okay. Had a little bit of problem. Not being prepared. There you go.

Scott:

Yes. But when I'm talking about my sister True. You should whatever

Jamie:

doing it. Yeah.

Scott:

Yeah. But that night, I just didn't have it.

Jamie:

So you choked?

Scott:

I did. I choked. Yeah. That wasn't good.

Jamie:

Does the videographer have it on video? He has he has to.

Scott:

Maybe. I'm sure he does. Probably. I'm sure your sister has. Maybe I should watch it just to see if it was really that bad.

Jamie:

It probably wasn't as bad as you think. Just like when I watched Dom's games back, it's not as bad as I think. I bet it's not as bad as you think.

Scott:

Well, whatever.

Jamie:

Anyway. So Dominic had to do a bunch of presentations along with math that he's nervous about. He wants to get good grades, which is great, so he's worried.

Scott:

He's worried. Okay. He's worried about school.

Jamie:

So he's worried about school, new kids and new social settings. He has to make friends again. He was very comfortable in his old school because he knew everybody knew the teachers.

Scott:

Of course.

Jamie:

Like anything else, right? So he had a lot on him.

Scott:

But can I just ask a question about this? But in this school, all these kids are all of these kids for the most part are coming together for the first time. Correct? They didn't they're repeating eighth grade out of public school Correct. Or a different private school.

Jamie:

Or a different private school. But I will say

Scott:

were not classmates last year.

Jamie:

A lot of them know each other.

Scott:

They real

Jamie:

I don't know how. Well, I think, like, five of them are from the same town. Oh. So a lot of them know each other.

Scott:

So there some cliques. There

Jamie:

are little groups that know each other.

Scott:

Yeah.

Jamie:

Yeah. Yeah. Right? So it's different. You need to navigate the social waters.

Scott:

Right. So he's dealing with that. He's dealing with math.

Jamie:

Right. Yeah. And what didn't help him actually was you need to wear school gear to school.

Scott:

Okay.

Jamie:

Okay? So when you sign up for school, they give you a hooded sweatshirt, a threefour zip, t shirts with the school's name. Everything your outerwear has to have the school's name on it.

Scott:

Okay. It's like a uniform Exactly. With some options.

Jamie:

Correct. Exactly. So the smallest size they have was when we filled out what size he is, I wrote small not knowing that it was all adult sizes. So Dominic is in a youth medium, maybe a youth large. So the smalls came in where he's like, Dad.

Scott:

Ginormous. How

Jamie:

the fuck am I supposed to wear this? And I'm like So he feels like an asshole.

Scott:

Because all this

Jamie:

shit is enormous on him.

Scott:

Still, can you get replacements?

Jamie:

So we got like, they made adult extra smalls. I'm sorry, no, no. We ordered him mediums because we thought he was going to be a medium. He was like, so if it's me. Right?

Jamie:

So they're adult mediums. So then we tried to get They gave them to us at orientation. They tried to have the adult extra smalls made. They were not made until a couple days ago.

Scott:

But he's getting new gear.

Jamie:

He has new gear. He went like the first week and a half. There were like a dress on him. He's like, dad, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? So he's like, I look like a douchebag.

Jamie:

He was all like

Scott:

He was already bent out of

Jamie:

shape Correct. About So all of these things on top of each other did not help his psyche. And then, like I was telling you, we had some crazy things happen in the family last week where my wife's uncle died and her aunt died from two different

Scott:

Sides?

Jamie:

Same side, two different

Scott:

Marriages?

Jamie:

Right. And they died like four days apart.

Scott:

Jeez. Yeah, sorry about that.

Jamie:

Yeah, no, no. We knew they were both on hospice which is unfortunate. So we knew it was coming. We didn't tell the kids but we knew it was coming. Maybe we should have told the kids in hindsight.

Jamie:

I don't know. I don't know if it would help the situation.

Scott:

Don't know. Interesting.

Jamie:

But then nineeleven was midweek. And in Dominic's school, it's a pretty patriotic school. So they actually most schools don't really do a whole lot about nineeleven.

Scott:

Well, do you know? Do they not?

Jamie:

From my experience with Dominic in public

Scott:

They didn't?

Jamie:

I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it's the first time he ever really learned about nine eleven. Really? I'm pretty sure.

Scott:

Woah. Yeah, really. Okay.

Jamie:

Yeah. So they did a whole big thing on matter of fact, last year, they took the entire class to the Freedom Yeah,

Scott:

that's great.

Jamie:

Yeah, it was awesome. So they do that type of stuff, right? So they did a whole thing on nineeleven, but they showed them the videos of the day. They really relived the entire day. And they spent a lot of time on it.

Jamie:

So Nancy's family member is passing away and the whole nineeleven thing. And then the thing that happened we all know what happened last week with the assassination So in he said to Nancy don't know, call it late last week I think Nancy's aunt died on Friday. And that was kind of like the culmination of the week.

Scott:

Yeah, yeah.

Jamie:

School and hockey and all this stuff, everybody passing away, nineeleven. And he looks at Nancy and he goes, why is everybody dying? Nancy's like, oh, shit. And you could tell that he was during the week, just by talking, when I picked him up from school, when he was outside shooting pucks and I would go out and just talk to him, you could tell that he was agitated the entire week, dude.

Scott:

And he's going through puberty.

Jamie:

Yes, he is. Also, I totally forgot about that. You're exactly right. So that's a whole other thing to throw into this, right?

Scott:

No doubt.

Jamie:

Yeah. So he was agitated all week, like super agitated. You could see he was snippy. So that all kind of culminated at the end of the week. And then we had a game Saturday and yeah.

Scott:

Wheels fell off.

Jamie:

No bueno.

Scott:

No bueno.

Jamie:

When I say out of sorts, out of sorts doesn't even remotely describe how he was. He was falling down on turns. I think I was telling you, one time I actually went to Nancy and I'm like, do I need to go get his other set of blades out of the bag and bring them to the bench? And I was thinking about doing it and then I looked at Nancy and I'm like, you know what? I'm like, he's not motioning to me, pointing you to skates.

Jamie:

He would have told me I'm if there was an like, you know what? I'm not going to do it because I don't think it's a problem. He was out of whack. Scott doesn't even begin to describe how he was. But it shows you we're talking about change and stress and anxiety with these kids.

Jamie:

He was so out of sorts.

Scott:

The mind is a super powerful thing.

Jamie:

Absolutely. Especially in these kids who don't know how to control that stuff. Most adults don't know how to control that stuff, let alone 13 year olds.

Scott:

I think as you're talking about that, the things that you mentioned are all I don't wanna say obvious, but maybe that's the maybe I do wanna say obvious. Like, those were, like, very significant events for this country, for your family Sure. And then for Dominic himself. Right? I would as I'm thinking about how my kids have like had their moments of their like, you know, their ups and we're talking about downs.

Scott:

Yeah. But guess in some ways it was good you can kind of ID those things relatively easily, but I'm sure there's plenty of times where it's like much more subtle and we might not be privy to the things that are going on between, you know, with our kids and between And their so I guess part of what I'm thinking about now is just like as a parent dealing with like our kids' anxiety, right, and stress.

Jamie:

It's a real thing. And it cripples kids. It is. If not dealt with correctly.

Scott:

It can. Yeah. It can. And so, I think that this conversation already has got me thinking like, okay, well, if auto is out of sorts about something, there might be something underneath that that I'm not that's not obvious

Jamie:

That you're not even paying attention to.

Scott:

That I'm not even paying attention to that he's not willing to share with Or maybe he doesn't even know that it's what's causing issues. And so

Jamie:

then You gotta cut your kid some slack sometimes.

Scott:

You gotta cut him some slack, especially it's about if you're noticing things

Jamie:

That are so abnormal.

Scott:

Or just different than what is usual.

Jamie:

That's what mean. It's so outside of the norm.

Scott:

Right. And so the other day

Jamie:

Like Dominic couldn't, he could barely stand up. He had no balance. He had no edges. Everything looked slow. His brain looked like it was processing slow.

Scott:

It was delayed.

Jamie:

Yes, exactly. And I think what happens with kids is that once things start to go south, especially with a kid like mine, because he has ADHD. So once things start to go south and are not going well, they just go like this.

Scott:

Yeah.

Jamie:

And it's hard to pull yourself back out of that because my kid's super negative when that happens.

Scott:

Well, I mean, if you don't feel good, if you don't necessarily have the ability to cope or process these things It's crazy. I've mentioned her on the podcast before, that Doctor. Becky Doctor. Beck? Doctor.

Scott:

Beck. Yeah. So so now after Orly had shared something with me and I listened to it, I'm listening to her more.

Jamie:

Now you're into Doctor. Becky?

Scott:

I'm into Doctor. Becky. Shout out Doctor. Becky.

Jamie:

I wouldn't say that too loud.

Scott:

Why?

Jamie:

I'll have to revoke your man card. What? Your man card.

Scott:

Why would you revoke it?

Jamie:

Why would I not revoke it?

Scott:

Listen, Doctor. Becky, I'm with you.

Jamie:

There you go. I'm with you. I'm with the government. So No. No.

Jamie:

No. No. Is that raven? Is that raven?

Scott:

Okay. So

Jamie:

Yeah. Doctor. Becky,

Scott:

sorry. So no. But she made a really interesting so we're talking about kids that are going through stress and I think this is something that like my kids have gone through already this year. Yeah. But you know, like she she kinda there's video and she's you can imagine this, right?

Scott:

You're holding out both fists in front of yourself. Right? And there's a gap between them. And so one one fist is gonna be not knowing and the other fist is knowing.

Jamie:

Okay.

Scott:

And between those two fists, that's the space where learning happens. And she made a point to say that learning a lot of times and a lot of times for children, we're talking about school and things that, you know, that are very new and difficult for them often in it's not something where it's like, oh, yay, happy learning. Like, it's not bad. No. It's also it's also not like, oh, yeah.

Scott:

This isn't so bad. No. Like, it's not that either. It's

Jamie:

like It's in between.

Scott:

It's it's she's like, this is

Jamie:

like It's right there. Yeah. Yeah. No. She's right.

Scott:

No. And she was like, that it's frustrating. And so then what comes up is like, you know, you have this negative self talk. Right? And this negative self talk like, I can't do it.

Scott:

I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. Yeah. This sucks.

Jamie:

I know

Scott:

it's terrible. And then like all of a sudden you got a kid that's bent out of shape because they're in the process of learning something. Yeah. And then it's like, you know, they they lose it. Yeah.

Scott:

They shut down. And adults do it too. Yeah. And so what I thought was really great about this and as I think about it is that, yeah man, learning can be really hard in our kids who are in these new environments. Learning to deal with new like presenting, learning to do new math, learning to be in a new school, learning new social norms, new hockey team.

Scott:

Like, there It

Jamie:

was a lot. There's all this fucking learning going on. All this outside stuff.

Scott:

Your kids learning about like, and thinking about death and mortality. Yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, so these are all things that are pretty new. Sure.

Scott:

Right? I mean, so I have to think about like, okay, we need to help our kids Yes. Learn in some ways how to learn.

Jamie:

Yeah. And how to cope and how to navigate And the to Right.

Scott:

And look, I'm no child psychologist. That's for sure. That's why I turned to Doctor. Becky. Shout out Doctor.

Jamie:

Becky. Doctor. Becky.

Scott:

But Will Anyway, you

Jamie:

have doctor Becky on?

Scott:

Oh, that would be pretty cool.

Jamie:

That would be pretty cool. We've mentioned her a couple

Scott:

big deal.

Jamie:

Is she now?

Scott:

I think so.

Jamie:

I don't know if you know this, but kind of a I big have many leather bound books Smell like rich mahogany. I'm sorry. Can we start over? I wanna be on you. I'm gonna throw this out there.

Jamie:

If you don't like it, you just throw it back. I wanna be on you. Anyway Sorry. Sorry.

Scott:

No, but think about it. Was talking to Otto the other day and he also got new math and math was harder and he's doing seven to exponents, powers of whatever and all this stuff. And he's doing French for like the first time and like these are all things. And so part of it is just like the process. Right?

Scott:

And like talking to him about the process. I don't wanna say I don't care about the outcome, but more importantly, like, he now he's coming home with his Chromebook, and, like, he needs to develop the habits of, like, opening the Chromebook, looking at his like, each class

Jamie:

every structure,

Scott:

the routine. Making sure that he's seen all the notifications.

Jamie:

No problem.

Scott:

Just being on top of your shit.

Jamie:

Yes. And that takes a lot of mental capacity for these kids. It does. That and you haven't even Their brains get tired.

Scott:

That is a learning process. No question. You haven't even started learning the actual subject.

Jamie:

You're just learning the the the part to get up to the learning.

Scott:

Exactly. Yes.

Jamie:

So And it takes a lot for these kids. It does.

Scott:

No, it does. And so just getting to that point

Jamie:

Is a

Scott:

lot. But then when they are already resistant to that

Jamie:

That's a whole other story.

Scott:

Then there could be an argument potentially in the house, and then there could be threats, and then there could be, like, you know, consequences.

Jamie:

Doesn't end well. Yeah.

Scott:

And it doesn't end well, and you still haven't even gotten your work done yet. And that's like and then you have to recover from that and be like, okay. Let's sit down and let's actually look at your homework. Yeah. Oh, I don't you know, and I'm not saying this is what happened with auto, but like it's like, well, I don't know how to do that.

Scott:

And then it's like, you know, what the funny thing is is like, as a parent now, it's like, I'm looking at like math

Jamie:

And you have or no idea how to do it either?

Scott:

I don't wanna say I have no idea, but like, I need to refresh my memory on some Thank of this

Jamie:

God for YouTube. Could plug anything into YouTube or ChatGPT.

Scott:

Or ChatGPT.

Jamie:

Bro, I mean, I will say this. Learning the ability for these kids, all of us really, but these kids, they're so far ahead of where we were as kids.

Scott:

In what way?

Jamie:

Everything is at your fingertips. If you want to learn anything, you just go on ChatGPT or go on YouTube and you could figure it out.

Scott:

But wait. Hold

Jamie:

on. Anything. Yes. PEMDAS, like the parentheses, you know, like the, you know, like the the PEMDAS is like parentheses.

Scott:

The the order of operation.

Jamie:

Correct. Correct.

Scott:

We were just talking about that last night.

Jamie:

Because Dominic was just doing it. So we were doing so we we we YouTube PEMDAS. Right? Yeah. You know, because I I haven't done that shit in Exponent, multi Yeah.

Jamie:

Done the shit in the gazillion years. Right? So and Dominic had three pages of it, so we're like, holy shit. Like, I guess here we go. Like listen.

Jamie:

We PEMDAS. Wanted That shit. Wanted rigorous academics, and we're fucking getting it. Good and hard. And we're definitely getting what we asked for.

Jamie:

But it's a lot on him. And I have to tell you, were mentioning about the procedures, just kind of getting up to doing your homework. Yes. It takes a lot. And I got to tell

Scott:

you And discipline.

Jamie:

I give Dominic a lot of credit because Dominic, the ADHD brain generally doesn't have long abilities for concentrating.

Scott:

Focus.

Jamie:

Right, for focusing concentration. So I give him credit because I'm pretty sure that he holds it together all day. And when he comes home, he just unleashes like a fucking banshee.

Scott:

So that happens to

Jamie:

a

Scott:

Yeah, lot of

Jamie:

not that he explodes, but he unwinds

Scott:

when he gets home. Let's put that one.

Jamie:

Dude, He's holding it together in school. A lot of kids. That's a lot

Scott:

of kids. You're in front of friends and girls and teachers and whatever. Coaches. And then you come home and you're like, fuck, that was hard. But they don't say fuck, that was hard.

Jamie:

They're like mentally spent.

Scott:

Yeah. Right? And so it's funny when we were because so then this is what happens sometimes in our house is that you know, after school is when he wants to you just got done with the day of school. It's like, you know, I wanna hang out with my friends. Yeah.

Scott:

And like, I get that. But now it's like, but you got homework. So when you're doing that because you also have practice.

Jamie:

Yeah. I

Scott:

know. And you also have to get up early tomorrow morning. So let's so

Jamie:

Yeah. It's a lot.

Scott:

Do do you, child, have the ability to play with your friends, leave your friends when you need to without putting up a fight And go take care a willing participant in your homework.

Jamie:

Then Knowing you gotta go to practice soon.

Scott:

Eat dinner. Like Yeah. So like It's a lot.

Jamie:

On one hand It's a lot.

Scott:

On one hand, I I want the homework done.

Jamie:

Of course.

Scott:

As soon as you're done with school, come home, do your homework, and then it's done.

Jamie:

That's kind of unrealistic. There's gotta be some unwind time, right, for our kids.

Scott:

Yes. Has to

Jamie:

be. It's just but but there's not enough hours in the fucking day.

Scott:

It's a lot, man.

Jamie:

Yeah, it's I will say this with the later practice for Dominic. There's more time It to do is helpful. I'm not going to lie to you. It is helpful. And now there's just no time on the back end.

Jamie:

When you get home from practice, there's zero time.

Scott:

But at least you have time to do the unwind, to do the homework. Like right now in Autospot, I feel like you have either time for unwind or homework.

Jamie:

No question. Then when

Scott:

you come home, it's eat dinner and

Jamie:

then And like relax a little bit before you have go to sleep. It's

Scott:

hard. So it's not easy. No, it's not. It's not easy. And so navigating all of this is a challenge I think we're all going through.

Scott:

And for me, my focus right now with my kids is and Noah's younger, know, she's only in second grade.

Jamie:

Right.

Scott:

But just starting to develop good habits of making sure that you're on top of your shit. And it's about the process. And if you excel in the process of like being like of preparation, then it's likely you'll have you're setting yourself up for you're you're setting yourself up for a greater chance of success with whatever it is if the process is cut is dialed in.

Jamie:

Correct. Right? Would you agree with that? 100%. Preparation.

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

It's all about preparation. What's it what's it saying? Failing to prepare it

Scott:

Preparing to

Jamie:

Preparing to fail is failing was it failing to prepare is preparing to fail? Right.

Scott:

Yeah. No. And I I firmly believe that. Yeah. Same.

Scott:

So right now

Jamie:

In anything. Right? So mark, speech, tests, school, hockey, sports. Yeah. Right?

Scott:

And and you know what? It's it's so you know, because hockey is brings so much, like, joy and he's passionate about it, it's also the thing that will also, like, motivate him. So it's like like then then he what what do I mean by that? Meaning, like, when it's time it's like hockey or iPad. Those are the two things that it's like

Jamie:

That he likes.

Scott:

That's gonna get him in the quote unquote wallet. Uh-huh. You know? So what now you're gonna say, you know, we we threaten things. Some, you know, like consequences.

Scott:

Like, oh We

Jamie:

all do.

Scott:

Not gonna go to that clinic tomorrow.

Jamie:

The skating clinic? Like, like, a hockey clinic?

Scott:

For example. Yeah.

Jamie:

You're not going to your private

Scott:

lessons tomorrow. Dude, if you're not do if you're not doing this,

Jamie:

then why are we gonna reward you with that? Yeah. I know.

Scott:

And and, you know, we're having a conversation in our house. It's

Jamie:

like So bad.

Scott:

Like, there's time for both. And I don't I'm not convinced that taking away one of those two things is actually gonna solve the challenges that he's having with learning to prepare. And so as much as I want to or think the right thing is to like give a consequence, I really deep down think it's about helping him get better at what he's struggling with that which has nothing to do with these other things.

Jamie:

But you would think it would fix the other things or it would at least make them a little easier, no?

Scott:

Which part?

Jamie:

Like, if you if you are you talking about dialing in the preparation part?

Scott:

So what I'm saying is like

Jamie:

Which you would think would make the final outcome better. No?

Scott:

Yeah. No. It will. But what I'm saying is like giving him a consequence, like no iPad for the rest of the week if you don't do this. You know.

Jamie:

And what's this? Your homework?

Scott:

Yeah. Let's just say it. For example. Then he's like, you know what? Fine.

Scott:

No

Jamie:

iPad. Right.

Scott:

And now and now it's it's gonna be another fight later in the week. It's not helping the problem right now. The kid just needs to get better. And again, I don't even necessarily know how to I'm not certainly saying I don't know how to do this.

Jamie:

Listen, parenting is not an easy thing.

Scott:

No. It's not easy. No. But I think to kind of bring this full circle and then I'll I'll shut up a little bit. But I'm focusing I want to focus more on helping him with the things that he's struggling with as opposed to punishing him for the understand.

Scott:

Things he's not doing. And they're very different.

Jamie:

Yeah. I get it.

Scott:

But I often reach for the consequence.

Jamie:

So have you ever had like a have you ever noticed Otto stressed out like I noticed Dominic in his in his this past weekend? And I will say this, Saturday was a total disaster. Everything was just nothing looked right. He was so off. Whatever was eating away at him, it was probably a little bit of everything, right?

Jamie:

School, anxiety from people passing away, nineeleven, what happened in Utah. There was a lot that happened last week.

Scott:

It was a heavy week.

Jamie:

It was a heavy week for him. He was getting hammered from every direction with people passing away at nineeleven and learning about it and probably seeing the videos. Mean, saw people jumping from they played the videos, the legit videos So from that listen, I'm glad they taught about it because I think kids should know about it, right? But I'm pretty sure he's never seen those before. So it all kind of manifested itself in him being really snippy during the week and it was everything just piled on top

Scott:

of him. And

Jamie:

it affected him, Scott. He had a rough weekend hockey wise. Saturday was a total disaster. Sunday was a disaster. Only the disaster was not as bad as Saturday.

Jamie:

You know? Yeah. It looked a little bit better on on Sunday. And he knew too. He came he came out.

Jamie:

He was he was a mess in

Scott:

the car. Well, how did you handle all this stuff, honestly?

Jamie:

I he came out

Scott:

Did you rip into him?

Jamie:

No. He came out he came out into the lobby.

Scott:

This is on Saturday?

Jamie:

On Saturday. I hugged him.

Scott:

After a shitty game.

Jamie:

Hugged him. I kissed him on the head, and and I and I, like, kinda like, you know, like, you know, I'm like, you know, bud? Like, all good. Tomorrow's another day. Good.

Jamie:

And I'm talking to Nancy while I'm watching him and I'm watching how uncoordinated he looks. And it's crazy because then I looked up the effects of stress and anxiety and it says right here, anxiety and stress can tighten muscles, throw off coordination, and slow reaction times. Was like

Scott:

Oh, check, check, Oh check, and

Jamie:

my god. And you run down the list. His effort level was brutal. And you run down the list here. And it says, Constant worry can zap motivation, making practice circadians feel overwhelming.

Jamie:

He wasn't trying. It was just he was shot. And it's funny because then it says that the lack of motivation, lack of effort could lead to injury. Interesting. Especially when they're hitting, think about it.

Jamie:

Because I said to Nancy, go, He's so out of sorts right now. I go, He wouldn't even see somebody coming. Thank God he didn't get clocked. I always tell Dominic that if you're going 60% and other people out there going 100%, you can get hurt.

Scott:

But did you tell him that 60% of the time it works?

Jamie:

It works every time. 60% the time it works every time. Doesn't make any No.

Scott:

You're doing 60%.

Jamie:

It's got real bits of Panther. Anyway, so it's real. Haven't seen him like this since he was on the Rockets.

Scott:

Yeah, that's rough.

Jamie:

Yeah. It's funny, it feels like we're taking two steps forward and one step backwards.

Scott:

So

Jamie:

I'm curious. We're Nancy and I are dealing with this in a totally different way.

Scott:

Than you did when it happened with the rockets. And concisely, what does that look like?

Jamie:

We're doing a lot of telling him like, hey, listen, it's only one game. Tomorrow's a new day. It's uncharacteristic of you. We're being very positive.

Scott:

Positive reinforcement.

Jamie:

Super positive. Super duper positive. You can't pile on these kids when they're like this because they're already in the fucking tubes.

Scott:

They're already in the tubes.

Jamie:

All you're doing is pushing them farther down. That's all you're doing. You're literally not doing anything. You're making the situation 10 times worse. So we're doing the exact opposite we did when we were at the Rockets because we were fucking stupid there And we didn't know any better.

Jamie:

But we're doing a lot of deep breathing, visualization. We're doing the exact opposite of what we did three, four years

Scott:

ago. Right. You stopped continuing to hammer them over the head. Can't do it yet.

Jamie:

Making sure it's you know, and, like, really emphasizing fun and learning and getting better. Even though this was shit, I I I said to him when he was in the shower, he he was he was a mess when he came out. He wouldn't even talk to anybody. He was so irritated. He didn't want to eat dinner.

Jamie:

Literally went up and read a fucking book and went to bed. He was in the shower. I went in there and I'm like, dude, what are you worried about? I'm like, Tom, you're healthy, you're not dying, you're not sick. You've got to be thankful for what you have.

Scott:

Grateful for what you

Jamie:

have. You're mad at a hockey game. Okay, you can't change what just happened. You're not going be able to go back in time and change it. So you know what?

Jamie:

You forget it and you move on. It's like the NFL. You go into the locker room, you watch film, you go over it. If you lost, you look, you see what you did poorly, what you did well. You hopefully do the things you did well even better next time.

Jamie:

You try to correct things you did wrong and you move on. Because you can't change the outcome.

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

It's done. Right? So now the only thing you can do is move forward. There's no sense in dwelling on it. There's no sense in being bent out of shape because you literally have no control over it anymore.

Scott:

You don't?

Jamie:

No. None. So did that help him? I don't know, maybe. Maybe it helped him hearing it.

Jamie:

He woke up in a better mood the next morning. He was better on Sunday, not good but better. Listen, this sounds fucking ridiculous. I know it sounds fucking retarded. I I I understand that.

Jamie:

I'm like, put a disclaimer on it before I say it. This is gonna sound fucking stupid. He did not play well on Sunday, and he still had three points, which is fucking dumb. I know. It's dumb.

Jamie:

But he did not look good. But it was better than Sunday

Scott:

It doesn't sound stupid.

Jamie:

Than Saturday, I mean.

Scott:

It doesn't sound stupid because, look, he's he's got a lot of high end skill.

Jamie:

It was better.

Scott:

And yeah, no, look. Not good, Just look. But you're also you're saying it's stupid. But like if you compare him to himself, you know, as opposed to just comparing him to others, it's not stupid because, you know, he's he's a point guy. He's a a skilled player.

Jamie:

Sometimes.

Scott:

No. And so in any event, in a game like that, if he was on, he probably would have had five points or six points or whatever the deal is.

Jamie:

He actually said that to me. He's like, dad, because he knew that he didn't give any effort the entire weekend. He he knew he didn't.

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

And he said to me, he said to me like Sunday evening, he's like, you imagine what I would have done if I actually because I said to him, I go, Dominic, do you realize that you gave like very little effort? Because he said to dad, I didn't give a lot of effort this weekend. I said, Okay. I said, I get it. I said, Dom, do you realize that you gave very little effort and you still had three points today?

Jamie:

I go, can you imagine what you would have done if you actually tried hard?

Scott:

Right.

Jamie:

Right? But again, his head was not in the right space. I think it's getting better because we woke up Monday morning, we were more chipper, coming home from school happier, not really complaining about so I picked on from school today. And I'm like, Dude, how was your day? He's like, great.

Jamie:

Did a presentation today. Gotta do one tomorrow. I'm like, dude, they're like fast and furious with these fucking presentations. That's good. Have them talk in front of class almost every day, which is nuts.

Scott:

But that but he's adapting to it. He and he's

Jamie:

and so He's not as agitated as he was week two.

Scott:

Right. And I'm sure if there was, like, some chart that kind of, like, outlined the, like, the life cycle of or, an adaptation cycle, something like that. You get past the part where

Jamie:

He's it sucks not so totally uncomfortable. He's getting used to it. He's still uncomfortable, but he's not super uncomfortable where he's lashing out in the car when he

Scott:

gets hit.

Jamie:

So listen, so Nancy and I are we're dealing with it differently. We're doing a lot of breathing. We're doing a lot of positive self talk. We're doing a lot of keeping things in perspective. It's only one game.

Jamie:

It's only one weekend. It's not like your whole hockey life. Also trying to remind him that hockey is not his identity. You're bigger than hockey, right? Things like our family are bigger than that.

Jamie:

Nancy and I are working on being calm around him.

Scott:

That is huge.

Jamie:

Because obviously your kids see how you react to things. So I may react differently when I'm talking to you. When I talk to him, it's

Scott:

totally

Jamie:

different. I vent

Scott:

to you.

Jamie:

And I vent to Nancy, but I don't do that shit in front of him. Listen, we're doing magnesium. We're trying some I'm not a doctor. I'm not like For sleep?

Scott:

Just generally for

Jamie:

Magnesium is supposed to calm the brain. It's supposed to.

Scott:

I've taken it for sleep.

Jamie:

Yeah. Listen, does it work? Who the fuck knows? You know what I mean? I've looked into it more.

Jamie:

I know there are some listen, I was reading something today and the amount of children that are on antidepressants in this country is fucking bananas, by the way. Have you looked into that?

Scott:

I haven't looked at the stats, but It's that's not scary.

Jamie:

I don't want to do that shit. No, I don't want to do it either. But, you

Scott:

know, and not that I'm in a position to do it, although I will sometimes I'm sure some people are on it.

Jamie:

I'm sure it's working. I'm just trying not to do that if I can help it.

Scott:

Look, I think with the antidepressants for children, I feel like there needs to be something.

Jamie:

There's a lot of kids that are on it, dude.

Scott:

Yeah. I don't know. I I that was not a thing when we were kids. That was know?

Jamie:

No. It was not. And

Scott:

You know? But that think I feel like that just kinda speaks a little bit to also, how much pressure can be on kids, you know. And I'm not saying that every kid that's under a lot of pressure needs antidepressants nor am I saying that, you know, I I I guess I'm just reflecting a little bit on, you know, school and just seeing how a lot of the kids that are in that are excelling in school that Otto might share with us, like, they're getting tutors. And, like, we make the analogy to him, and and he might say something like, oh, well, they're just like, you know, they're naturally smart.

Jamie:

Dude, listen to this number. Don't mean I don't mean to cut you off, but listen to this. In The US, over one point nine million adolescents aged 12 to 15 received antidepressant prescriptions between 2016 and 2021, representing thirty point five percent of this age group. Furthermore, data from 2021 shows that approximately eight percent of children aged five through 17 took some sort of prescription meds for mental health care.

Scott:

Where's that from?

Jamie:

Google. Is it real? Listen, how accurate is it? I'm not sure. But the numbers are

Scott:

That's a large number.

Jamie:

I know the numbers of adults that are on antidepressants is large in this country. And I I don't mean, want to give Dominic any of that shit if I can avoid it. I've read about and listen, I'm not saying for those of you who have your kids on it, it's working. God bless you guys. I hope it's working.

Jamie:

My kid is not tall so I'm trying not to stunt his growth because Dom's ADHD man.

Scott:

Is that a fact?

Jamie:

Fucked with his growth,

Scott:

yeah. Interesting.

Jamie:

Yeah. I've read again, am not an expert on this shit. But I've read about this stuff and some of the side effects are loss of appetite which leads to

Scott:

No, that's for sure.

Jamie:

Which leads to the nutrition part, which kills your growth. Right, is so Dominic used to spend ADHD meds when he was younger, okay? And Dominic, his growth was delayed because of that. I remember he would not eat on it. I remember we would give it to him for school so he could function and stay semi with it for school.

Jamie:

And we wouldn't give it to him on the weekends because we wanted him to eat. Because I remember, dude, it crushed his appetite. Totally suppressed his appetite. So I'm trying not to go anywhere near that stuff because when he came off that stuff, he shot up.

Scott:

That's wild.

Jamie:

So I'm trying to not go down that road. So I'm hoping that we can manage this naturally, if we can.

Scott:

If you can.

Jamie:

Yeah. But the shit is real, dude. Stress and anxiety in these kids are real.

Scott:

Right. And so I

Jamie:

I've seen it twice now, like really heavily twice. Not bad as when we were at the Rockets. Like no body tics, no audible tics, none of that shit. But him starting a new school with Nancy's family members passing away with nineeleven, with all the shit that happened last week

Scott:

Yeah.

Jamie:

And all the new stuff in school, all new pressure Just

Scott:

social and came to a

Jamie:

academic, he fucking melted down this past weekend. Wow. I'm hoping next weekend is better.

Scott:

Yeah, likewise. And hopefully the school piece like that levels out and he gets

Jamie:

Seems

Scott:

to be. Mean, look, maybe not all of it's gonna level out. Maybe like, and I'm just making this up, but maybe the presentations, it sounds like he likes them, but that could be something that you know, might be difficult for the whole year. Yeah. You know, but the hope is that with time, it's gonna get Yeah.

Scott:

Less and less hard. Yeah. You know, that's, you know, and that's true for anything. Right? And like I was what I was saying before was just about the pressure on kids and you you know, if you compare yourself to others, which is never great.

Scott:

You know, if you compare yourself to others, I can imagine Dominic might do the same thing

Jamie:

I would think so.

Scott:

Because he's got kids in the school that are repeating eighth grade. Yeah. So it's coming easier to them. Yeah. But, like, you look at them and you're like, oh, there's you know, I'm not saying he says this, but, like, I could imagine a kid be like, oh, they're smart.

Scott:

I'm stupid. But then Because it's coming easy to them. Yes. Right? But they've already gone through it.

Jamie:

They've already done it.

Scott:

They've already

Jamie:

done it.

Scott:

So he hasn't had that magical yet part that we've talked about before.

Jamie:

I don't want say he's behind the eight ball, but he has to play a little catch up. 33 of the 36 are repeats. It's an athletic school, that's why. I just want to make that clear. I'll give some context.

Jamie:

He's in a school for developing athletes. So these kids are from all over New Jersey And they all play some sort of sport.

Scott:

So they're reclassing. All reclassing. Correct. Except for three of

Jamie:

them. So Dom is going to do this year and next year there. So he'll reclass next year.

Scott:

Next year will be a breeze.

Jamie:

Next year, he'll be good He to should be. Right? I don't know how they're gonna challenge him next year. I'm hoping they can academically.

Scott:

But the same would be true for oh, because these

Jamie:

That's kids different. They came from a different spot. He's doing it two years in a row. And there's a couple kids that have done it. Like, a QB did it a couple years ago.

Jamie:

Yeah. So he should be fine. But that's why Dominic is a little behind the eight ball because he's one of three true eighth graders when everybody else is really supposed to be a freshman in high school.

Scott:

It's wild, man. Well, so listen, think to kind of bring this full circle, think for all the parents out there that are maybe noticing things with their kids that are not typical or seem a little off, on the ice, off the ice. I mean, just remember these kids are going through a lot and the learning piece is a project onto itself. Yeah. You know, just like the or should I say the preparation or learning how to prepare and learning how to learn.

Scott:

There's a lot of new stuff. I think maybe not hitting your kids over the head figuratively.

Jamie:

Maybe cutting them a little slack. You can still be hard on them.

Scott:

I'm not saying don't be hard on them.

Jamie:

But I think you can have some try to see it from their point of view. And I think if you do, you may look at the situation a little differently. Because when I looked at everything Dominic was going through last week, during the game, I was talking to Nancy out in the lobby watching through the glass. And I was like, dude, it's crazy.

Scott:

Well, one thing that just came into my mind, yet another Doctor. Becky thing. When she

Jamie:

Gotta have her on, by the way. You should reach out. You might as well.

Scott:

Might as well.

Jamie:

I mean, shit. We're giving her like fucking free promotion. You might as well.

Scott:

That's okay. Well, listen. I'm not a child psychologist and

Jamie:

this is This what is opportunity brought to you by doctor Becky.

Scott:

So this is this is I'm turning to that's my resource that I that's been resonating with

Jamie:

you. Listen.

Scott:

But when when when dealing with your kid, right, about whatever whatever it is, the idea of like when you're sitting across from the table, it's like me versus you. Right? Like let's say if you're Otto and or Noah and you're telling me, no, I'm not gonna do your homework. It like that mindset, me versus you

Jamie:

Yeah.

Scott:

Is very different than like if you were to sit next to them and be like, I'm on your side right now.

Jamie:

Oh, totally And we're gonna

Scott:

get through this.

Jamie:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Scott:

Yeah. And I'm here for you. That's As opposed to being on this side being like, dude, what's the matter with you? How come you don't know this? Why aren't you doing that?

Scott:

We've talked about this a 100 times.

Jamie:

Two totally different methods of delivery.

Scott:

Totally different

Jamie:

two totally different sides of the coin.

Scott:

And you wanna be on the one where you're on your kid's side.

Jamie:

100%. Yes. Yeah. Dude, you said that very nicely. You're which is what Nancy and I have been doing this whole weekend.

Jamie:

Yeah. Because I want my kid to understand that I'm here to help him. I'm not against him. Want to see my kid do so much better than I did in life and in sports and in business and in whatever he chooses to do. And I tell him constantly.

Jamie:

So if speak that one way that's not very

Scott:

Me versus them.

Jamie:

Yeah. Yeah. The the

Scott:

As opposed to

Jamie:

We us.

Scott:

I'm on your side.

Jamie:

Yeah. Exactly. Right. Yeah. It's it's

Scott:

Try to be on your kid's side.

Jamie:

Well said.

Scott:

More often than not.

Jamie:

Very well said. If you take that tone with your kid as opposed to the adversarial one

Scott:

Yeah.

Jamie:

Things are so much easier.

Scott:

Yeah. And it's not always gonna work.

Jamie:

It's not. Like, your kid is probably not gonna say A 100%. Hey. Listen, dad. You're on my side.

Jamie:

Great.

Scott:

This is gonna be awesome. I'm gonna do my homework, and this is gonna be sick.

Jamie:

100%. It's still gonna be difficult, but if you come from the other side of that, you're literally coming at it from an adversarial Yeah. Right? Yeah. There's nothing good that comes from that.

Jamie:

You're automatically coming at it from a position of weakness. You start. I was listening to something over the weekend and it was a D1 coach and he said something to the effect of like and I'm going to butcher this but he said something to the effect of it was about kids that want to play D1 sports. And it was something like, the athlete can only be parent driven for so long. Like at some point it needs to be athlete driven, not parent driven.

Jamie:

Because when the kid gets to school, a D1 school, and the parent is not there to drive the kid, then the coach is saying you have to do this. And kids, when you say you have to, even from a parent standpoint or a coaching standpoint, it doesn't come off well. Nobody likes to be told you have to do something. If you want to do something, like an athlete driven, want to do this because I want to get better. And he was making the point of when you're told you have to go do this, nobody wants to go do it.

Jamie:

So they want the kids that are already willing to go do that themselves without

Scott:

being So they don't have be told. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Listen, it's all very it's complicated.

Scott:

It's nuanced. It's not a different flavor every day of the week. And you just wanna win more times than not. Right? Because it's not gonna be 100%.

Jamie:

Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's true.

Scott:

All right. Well, let's wrap this guy up.

Jamie:

How long do we go for?

Scott:

Nah. It doesn't matter. I don't know. What is that? Probably like an hour ten?

Jamie:

Oh, that's not bad. No. That's actually not bad at all.

Scott:

No. We gotta shout out our partners, dog.

Jamie:

Go ahead. After you.

Scott:

Me? Yeah.

Jamie:

You go ahead.

Scott:

Okay. So Howie's hockey? Crazy 10. Crazy 10. Just wanna say about Howie's hockey.

Jamie:

They're freaking

Scott:

awesome. No. Yes. But if you if you go on to their social, if you look at their Instagram, shit's funny, man.

Jamie:

Dude, they have a great they have a great Instagram. It's funny. Dude, they're I'm telling you, it's an awesome company. Yeah. And I love the logo.

Jamie:

Again, other than Crazy Hockey Dads, it's the second best logo in youth hockey.

Scott:

Yeah. Well, I have to knock your tooth out for the next picture so you can be as cool as how

Jamie:

you are. Seriously, man. I mean, is he not awesome? They don't sell him anymore, by the way. Well I know.

Jamie:

They sell the bobblehead, but they don't sell that anymore.

Scott:

All right. So Howie's Hockey, Crazy ten, use it for a 10% discount.

Jamie:

Go get your gear.

Scott:

Pro stride, elite skating.

Jamie:

He's low surfs. We're going have him on soon, by the way.

Scott:

You confirm that?

Jamie:

We are gonna have him on soon. Not next week. Next week, we are going to have the assistant hockey coach from Hobart College.

Scott:

Let's go giddy Next

Jamie:

week, who's a very close friend of mine. He is a phenomenal dude from a phenomenal family. He played four years at Penn State. This dude is

Scott:

The real deal.

Jamie:

A tremendous dude. And he will be on a D1 bench down the road. There's no doubt in my mind.

Scott:

That's awesome. I

Jamie:

He cannot wait to is meet super legit. He is one of my favorite people in all of hockey.

Scott:

Next week. Next week. Okay.

Jamie:

Tune in.

Scott:

Awesome. But just getting back to Angelo and Pro Stride Elite Skating. Check them out online. See if you got any clinics coming up in your area. Thanksgiving clinics are already starting to be advertised.

Scott:

Although I don't know if he's doing it yet.

Jamie:

I don't either, go on And his

Scott:

then athletic

Jamie:

Pro Stride.

Scott:

Athletic Performance Insight. Again, if anyone out there has been thinking about video and analytics for their team but haven't dug into that just yet, check out Athletic Performance Insight. Fill out their

Jamie:

their what Are you guys using Eric's thing? I know you guys I know you were talking about it to the coach recently, right? You guys gonna use Eric's thing?

Scott:

We onboarded.

Jamie:

Oh, you did?

Scott:

We onboarded.

Jamie:

Oh, nice.

Scott:

And we've introduced it to the coaches.

Jamie:

Oh, nice.

Scott:

And we are making I don't know. Not me. I'm not making

Jamie:

the decision.

Scott:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But That's great. Yeah.

Scott:

Yeah. No. Fill out their their contact form to request a demo. It's really great for analytics. It's really easy to just drill down and filter on different play zone exits, entries

Jamie:

Yep.

Scott:

You know, shots, penalties, etcetera. So athleticperformanceinsight.com for more information and mention Crazy Hockey Dads for a 10% off your season subscription.

Jamie:

A $100 value.

Scott:

That's it.

Jamie:

And we're going to do our NHL picks in a couple weeks ish since the NHL season is kind of I starting

Scott:

can't watch enough of this Ivan Demodoff on Montreal.

Jamie:

Know. You the same video I did.

Scott:

This guy.

Jamie:

I sent it to Dominic. I'm like, dude. I'm like, look at this dude's escape turns. What? He's gonna be and they're all young.

Jamie:

That Montreal team, they're all young.

Scott:

So, you know, it'll just be interesting to see how it stacks up when he's playing against, like, you know, proper professionals, but it looks good.

Jamie:

Didn't he play for, like good.

Scott:

He played in the KHL. He has some KHLs out of his

Jamie:

play, like, the end of the season last year?

Scott:

He did. Yeah. He yeah. He came

Jamie:

in for, like, ten, fifteen, 20 ish games.

Scott:

He got in for a little bit.

Jamie:

He was pretty legit, if I'm not mistaken. Like, he wasn't

Scott:

He's fucking legit. He's exciting to watch. I am so looking forward to watching that dude play.

Jamie:

That team has so much young talent.

Scott:

Between him and Hudson.

Jamie:

And Cole Coffield.

Scott:

And Coffield. Kisuzuki. I mean, Jesus Slavlovsky. Oh, that guy.

Jamie:

Who was, like, a top three pick ish or something like that.

Scott:

Like, they got some

Jamie:

Top four pick. I forgot

Scott:

Real talent

Jamie:

there. Was he one overall? That he might have been. No?

Scott:

I don't maybe. I don't know.

Jamie:

I know. I know he was a very high pick.

Scott:

We'll get our we'll get our picks going. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, dude, I think that's it. I think that's it.

Scott:

Listeners, please please write in. You know, I think today's topic, there's probably plenty of people that have similar stories or have stuff going on. We'd love to hear about what's going on over in your neck of the woods. So please reach out. Love to love to chat, love to talk, love to listen, learn, all of that stuff.

Jamie:

How do you say this dude's first name? Dyslavkovsky. I can't imagine. J U R A J? Oh.

Jamie:

Whatever it was, he was one overall. One overall in two when is it? He was one overall in '22.

Scott:

Okay.

Jamie:

Yeah. That dude's legit too.

Scott:

He's also legit. He's a big boy.

Jamie:

He is six three, two thirty.

Scott:

That's a big boy.

Jamie:

Definitely not small. Nope. So we're are we gonna do our our NHL picks at some point?

Scott:

Of course.

Jamie:

And I'll never mind. I'm sure. I was gonna say I I was gonna besmirch the devils, but I'll try and I'll wait for a couple weeks to do that.

Scott:

Listen. Chill. Chill on that.

Jamie:

Maybe you should sign Luke Hughes. Just saying. Just saying.

Scott:

Chill on that.

Jamie:

Anyway, any go subscribe to our socials, download, share the show. We really appreciate everybody listening. We hope you guys had a good weekend.

Scott:

Yes.

Jamie:

I hope you guys have a good week of practice.

Scott:

Yes.

Jamie:

And hope you guys have a good upcoming weekend. I'll let you know how Dominic does when I see you guys next week.

Scott:

We'll follow-up next week. Yeah. Right, guys. That's a wrap. Enjoy.

Scott:

I'll talk you. Bye. See you. Peace.