Basic Motivations Webinar 2024

What is Basic Motivations Webinar 2024?

Every culture (family) has distinctive motivations for doing things, but they all have definite pattern and logic, they all provide order and direction within the culture (family). We need a valid cognitive styles model to help us understand the motives and actions of other people, to predict behavior, and sidestep conflict.

Connie Smith:

And, until your health is totally back to strength, I don't see you spending all of these weeks traveling. And, the goal, remember, the goal is to not only help people, but to train them so that they can help people. Yep. Okay?

Michelle:

Okay.

Connie Smith:

That that's our goal. Our goal is is not as safe helpers just to help the person in front of us, but to help them to the extent, teach them, mentor them, whatever, so that they too can help others.

Michelle:

Okay.

Connie Smith:

Otherwise, we we when we're incapacitated or gone to glory, then everything stops. Mhmm. Mhmm. K.

Michelle:

Yep. Thank you for that reminder. Okay. I'm just, like, you know, I'm just doing whatever that's in front of me, and I'm not

Connie Smith:

That's exactly what we have to do. Exactly what we have to do. And that is very hard for, die for, oh, they're all for time and directive and careful people to do. Very hard for them to do.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. So, Michelle, are you registered on the website? If you are, then there's, there are videos that from when I was training in China that might be helpful for you.

Michelle:

Okay.

Mike Banker:

Cool. What

Michelle:

do you mean by register? Do I need to do something to register?

Mike Banker:

Yeah. Just go to the website and register as a safe helper so you get access to all the videos. There's also, the forgiveness booklet. You can download that from there. And, and that's translate Vivian translated that into Chinese.

Mike Banker:

So that's out there. It's in simplified characters so it's not we don't have a I think we have a traditional version out there, not 2.

Connie Smith:

But we have Yeah. Mostly it's simplified.

Michelle:

Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. I will definitely I, yeah, I have the Chinese manual, but, I haven't Yeah.

Connie Smith:

And we can we can we can both of us could help walk you through things that you might do and all of that. Okay. K? Alright.

Mike Banker:

Let's, if you have a Connie's the master, so be fool. Anyway

Connie Smith:

Well, that sounds to me like status given.

Mike Banker:

I I just gave it to you. You're right. Absolutely.

Connie Smith:

Which means that it's not fair.

Mike Banker:

It's not fair?

Connie Smith:

No. It's not fair.

Michelle:

To me, I think it's also status. Have

Connie Smith:

to I have to really be good at this, and that's not true.

Michelle:

Already good. So

Mike Banker:

Well, you you seem to be getting the hang of it.

Connie Smith:

Okay. Alright. Do you all get, the message just come in from Vivian? Okay. I didn't.

Connie Smith:

I don't think. Okay. She says, I'm planning to join, but because we are traveling tomorrow, so on our way back home from preparation, we'll be late for 15 minutes or so. See you.

Cindy:

Yeah. And I'm traveling today, so I'm only gonna be on for a a short time again. I just wanted to be with you all

Mike Banker:

and Oh,

Connie Smith:

I'm so glad. I'm so glad, Cindy.

Cindy:

And I've taken copious notes. I know even though it's in the whatchamacallit? It's in the syllabus that just that student in me, you can't take that student out of me. I just have to always

Mike Banker:

do that. You don't remember it till you write it down, do you?

Cindy:

Well, that's why, you know, for me, because I'm I like details. And so, like oh, speaking. That's why I'm the only one who's asking. So what country? What country?

Cindy:

Like, speaking of what country, when you gave that story of the, person who was a founder of a humanitarian organization.

Connie Smith:

Yes. What country was that? Well, the country where this was registered was is is the US.

Cindy:

Okay. So he's he's an an American who did this?

Connie Smith:

Yes. You're

Cindy:

talking you were referring to. Okay. Alright.

Connie Smith:

But they they, program now is international, but it started, as a result of what he was, testing in a war in Asia. In Asia? I I don't really want to give the name of where this started.

Stone:

Oh, okay. Alright.

Connie Smith:

But it's in Asia? Yes. Okay. And it's kind of in a a country, after a police action on the part of, America.

Vivian:

Oh, okay.

Cindy:

Okay. So let's see which one

Connie Smith:

It's very core, close to the the north and East of China. Anyway, the concern he he was an American, but his concern was these widows and orphans that came out of this war. And this humanitarian organization is very, very well known today. Oh. Very, very well known today.

Cindy:

Okay. Because, I'm taking actually I mean, because I don't have the, time well, because I'm just starting. So I don't feel like I can just go from here and then start taking this whole course, like, without any preparation from here to, like so I'm actually taking, some of your stories and bringing it with me to Mongolia.

Connie Smith:

You know,

Cindy:

if you don't mind, I this is one of I

Connie Smith:

mean, your stories are out there.

Cindy:

Because I'm I

Connie Smith:

I have no problem with any story, any illustration. And some of the stories are short and to the point because they are illustrations, and some stories are the teaching point. Yeah. Okay.

Cindy:

So the founder is an American and established this somewhere in Asia. Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

That's where it started. Yes. But it is now in virtually, I would say, almost every country. Well

Donna Marcue:

What was the point of that story? I can't remember.

Connie Smith:

The point of the story was being so focused. Wow. Being so focused on on on a problem that he lost his family, lost his health.

Donna Marcue:

Oh, yeah. I remember now. Okay.

Connie Smith:

And and eventually got so bad off that he was

Donna Marcue:

Oh, ousted.

Connie Smith:

Ousted from his organization that he started.

Donna Marcue:

Oh, yeah. I remember that.

Cindy:

I'm gonna use this within the context of burnout.

Connie Smith:

Yes. Well, that's that's exactly what happened.

Cindy:

Yeah. And so that's because that's, as, everybody in China knows, these pastors are like many of them are burnt out, but still pastoring, and they're pastoring out of their burnt outness, which is not really all that. And, you know, I feel for them because the people in their church expect them to be available. It's the expectations of the people in the church that fuel this

Connie Smith:

Right. Fee. And the only way that it can be taken care of is for one of these pastors to actually take a stand.

Cindy:

Okay. Yeah. That's a

Stone:

good point.

Connie Smith:

You're not gonna change the congregation Right. Because they're getting away scot free.

Cindy:

They're not

Connie Smith:

the congregation is not responsible for support, for support of the leader of the pastor. They're not responsible for anything that the pastor does. They don't have to get involved in anything. It's all on the pastor. And all of this is being fed, from what I can see, is is some lies within the the broader church that if I get it right and I work hard enough and I pray hard enough and I teach hard enough, that all these people that I am teaching are responsible for or praying for we'll all be saved and and turn out what perfect believers.

Connie Smith:

It's on me to do that. Oh, that is

Cindy:

yeah. Well, then that's, like, really taking the work of the Holy Spirit.

Connie Smith:

It's like, it's a it's a Christian cultural It is. Belief. And I I've worked with with several, Chinese who who have expressed this. And the reason we we can't raise support is because the church doesn't support anybody.

Cindy:

Yeah. It's a problem also, huge problem in Mongolia. And the thing is is that, because you're talking about people act out of their beliefs, and the beliefs are the things that fuel your behavior. And so, yeah, I, so I know that, their their beliefs are which is actually coming from a really actually, a very how do I say this? I really appreciate their heart because a lot of them

Connie Smith:

Oh, absolutely.

Cindy:

Yeah. The pastors in Mongolia, a lot of them okay. A lot of many of them have been, saved out of their drug addictions and alcoholism. And because they've been saved out of their such a terrible addiction, they feel now that my which is true. My life is the Lord's, is God's.

Cindy:

But they don't so the so that's why there's no boundaries. And so, and so it's going so, anyway, I'm giving a

Connie Smith:

So there is that side of things, but there's also the belief that it is my responsibility to get it right, then these people will be saved. It's my responsibility to get it right. I have to pray the right prayers. I have to pray long enough and hard enough. I have to do this.

Connie Smith:

I have to do this for this person. And the end result is that they will come to the Lord because I have done my job right. There's no responsibility given to the other person. It's it's my job to get it right, and they will come to God.

Stone:

So common in Chinese churches.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm.

Cindy:

You know,

Cindy:

it's just it's it's it's systemic in the Mongolian church too. That's why I was asked to to, talk about I had to I completely actually, what really helped me, Connie Mhmm. Was because, actually, I had written a paper. Actually, it was my dissertation, on, stress and coping. And, because I was because I have just you know, with Scott's health and other issues, I mean, I had to learn how to to manage and cope well in a way that was honoring to God.

Cindy:

And so it was a it was a, an exploration in self analysis. But also too with the, with the view of being able to help others. Process. How do you process your stress? How do you cope in a way that is honoring to God?

Cindy:

So one of the things, and actually, you touched on it because it comes from a model that's like, wow, probably 80, 90 years old, in terms of, how you you know, your perception of stress. And so when you talked about beliefs, it was just I had written, part of my paper was on on that. But then you reminded me again, and I actually revamped my whole talk because of taking your class so that I can address the beliefs, the lies that people the the you know, that all you know, like, I've gotta get it right. It's my responsibility if it's it's all up to me. And then I was talking to a Mongolian sister, and she was saying to me she goes, yeah, Cindy, because you asked me, like, you asked me, so I asked her, like, I need them to also to input to me, like, people in the church to give me input so that I know how to to communicate to them.

Cindy:

Like, what are the issues? And so then she said to me that, you know, one of the huge issues is that because that sense of responsibility is so large and they go to every single activity that the church has under the sun, they have no time to really raise up the next generate they're just going from one activity to the next. Right. And they're not necessarily raising up they're not necessarily raising up, future leaders, and so they're lonely up there.

Connie Smith:

And But but I I don't mean to interrupt you, but they're also not building relationship either with their heavenly father or with the world around them because they are so busy doing

Cindy:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

So busy doing, they don't have time. Yeah. That's what that's yeah.

Cindy:

So that's what I have a whole

Connie Smith:

part of the

Cindy:

talk is about, setting boundaries, no time and also to, well, it's to save you all. But, anyway, it is a it's to challenge them, because unless there is a big change, nothing's gonna change. I mean, it has to be Right. Her I mean, it has to be on a huge scale. And just like you said, which I'm now I'm going to now I'm going to use just what you said today, they have to take a stand.

Cindy:

If they don't take a stand because they're not they're not gonna change the church. I mean, it takes a long time to change.

Connie Smith:

A group of people. It's

Cindy:

it takes forever. You might not even

Connie Smith:

at a time. One at

Mike Banker:

a time. It's not their job. The the job give them that job. Otherwise, it's not their job.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. But if you can imagine the terrible stress that, believing workers have when the responsibility for somebody else's salvation rests totally on them getting it right? I mean, that stress just, my goodness.

Cindy:

Because your their worth is not just from themselves, but the whole society is based on what you do. And so and what you accomplish. And so that's you know, they feel if I've I've won so many people to Christ, I've accomplished a lot.

Connie Smith:

But there's that too. But I not only have won many people to Christ, but it was my efforts. It was my responsibility whether they came to Christ or not.

Donna Marcue:

Mhmm. Yeah.

Connie Smith:

It's not their it's not their responsibility. It's my responsibility. I just find this, wow, so overwhelming. Anyway, we can have a whole talk about that sometime and the whole setting of boundaries, and boundaries are not rules for the other guy. Boundaries are what I am willing to live with.

Connie Smith:

They have nothing to do with the other guy. We've gotta get back to the to the topic, or we'll Yeah. Never get this finished. But I I do want to tell you one story. This is a personal story.

Connie Smith:

It was in about 1972, And I was just under a lot of stress. We were in this, MATSA group. And, you know, we went in. We had not one word of a common language. And, so everything was learned by what you had in front of you.

Connie Smith:

So under all this stress, I begin to to wonder where God is. Okay? So we were out at our center, and nobody was in the house that we were living in. And I remember going into the bedroom and just screaming to God, Your scripture says that you're here. I believe your scriptures.

Connie Smith:

You're here. I believe that your character is truthful and that you are here. And I went on adding all the things I believed. But my last question, But where in the blankety blank are you? And you know what his answer was to me?

Connie Smith:

Just as clear as if he were sitting right in front of me. I don't know that I heard his voice, but the message came through loud and clear. He said to me, Connie, I don't need your help. He said, I need you. I need all of you, but I don't need your help.

Connie Smith:

And then, because God always has a humorous side with me, he said, and if you wouldn't try to help so much, I wouldn't have to clean up so many messes. And what I realized is that I had come to the point of depending on my direction, my strength, and I was doing something for God. I was helping God out. Now I realize where that came from and all that, and I took care of all that. But here, I'd been on the field all these years, and he's saying to me, I don't need your help.

Connie Smith:

I don't need you doing things for me. And that has stood with me all these years. All these years. That he does not need my help. What he needs is me.

Connie Smith:

He needs all of me. And when he asks me to do something, he will give me what it takes to do it. So, anyway, I just throw that in for a little food for thought. Okay. I quit.

Cindy:

I'm gonna use that too. Thank you.

Connie Smith:

Okay. So shall any other comments or questions or whatever? So let's go ahead and get started. I'm gonna have somebody open this in prayer.

Cindy:

Oh, I

Stone:

I can do this. Dear heavenly father, thank you for this wonderful time, and thank you for basic motivation. And thank you for Richard's work, which has been done many, many years ago, and thank you for Connie's work so we can all be inspired by those information, by this message. And, our heart has been opened to you and be ready to receive all those nutrition to our soul. And let us keep let us be inspired deeper and deeper so we can we can see your perspective through all those, studying, learning, and research.

Stone:

And, let us know how we can apply that in our in our day, with people around us and sent us to use all those beautiful, practical, tools to keep blessing people. The same time, we were blessed. And please protect the time, protect everyone's attention, devices, Internet so we can focus on on this. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Donna Marcue:

Amen.

Connie Smith:

Alright. I happen to think of a couple of good illustrations on oh, dear. Like I say, I have such a headache. I can't think straight. On, the, directive selective.

Connie Smith:

Alright? This was a a group that, we had, become acquainted with in, West Africa. This was an expat group, and they belonged to a new sending org whose philosophy at that time was, let's just send you to the field, and if you make it, go on, and if you don't make it, go home. The one who became the leader of the team was the one who could garner enough followers to follow him. Alright?

Connie Smith:

So this group in in West Africa had an extremely, extremely directive, extremely directive leader. And he had had these people follow him, so that made up the team. Now, before they went to the field, they had all lived together, this whole team, had lived together for a year to make sure we were all compatible here. But this man was very directive, and all of these people were willing to follow his directions. This was to the point I mean, he had his reasons and he's not just was not just being the boss, but he had his reasons for his decisions.

Connie Smith:

And far as I can see, he thought through them very carefully and all of that. But he was down to even when they got to the field, that they could only have a light bulb of a certain wattage because the people they were trying to reach would only use that much. But this was a rule that you could not have in your home a a light bulb more than a certain amount of wattage. Now this team worked in harmony. They were quite successful in what they did.

Connie Smith:

Their relationship to the National was really quite good, but they were all working under both receiving and giving a very, very directive group. Now I would not fit in that group. Okay? I would not fit in that group. But these people were all directive enough that they were willing to live under these stringent rules.

Connie Smith:

I mean, it was amazing what these rules consisted of, but he was making these rules on the basis of observation of the culture they were trying observation of the culture they were trying to relate to. And, you know, you might say, well, you know, he's a dictator, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Well, he definitely had a, directive leadership style, but his team had a directive, bend to work under him. Okay? So was he in sin in being so directive?

Connie Smith:

No. Okay. No. No. Now somewhere along the line, he may have have sinned against these people his team members in some manner, but it was not here.

Connie Smith:

Okay? Alright. Then there is, another, gal who's part of the whole PR, thing amongst other things. And, she works in in a Southeast Asian country. Now, she is, she is German, which helps somewhat in in her orientation.

Connie Smith:

But she is directive enough, and she gives response to her leadership either in frustration or willing to follow them, of which she has not had many of those leaders in the 20 some years she's been on the field. But what she wants is very clear directions as to what what do you tell me is my job. But then I want you to leave me to do my job. So she does not work well under a leader who is either a micromanager nor one who is a selective leader and not giving her clear enough directions on what's expected of her. Because she needs to not only be given the direction to go, she needs to have the, authority to carry it out.

Connie Smith:

And her struggle her number one struggles on the field all these years have been inept leaders, no matter what side of the continuum they may have been on. Okay? So, thus, you can see how just some more illustrations. Alright. Do we have any unfinished business?

Connie Smith:

Okay. So today's what we're going to do is we're going to take the person person out of, we're going to take you out of the equation, and we're going to take the person that you chose out of the out of it. So we're going to be talking about give them 2 names if you want to, give them numbers, give them whatever. And but now we don't have to worry about my personal relationship with this person. This is somebody you may not even know.

Connie Smith:

We're now talking about principles, not talking about how I would deal with with my son or my boss or whatever. K? Does that make sense? Yes. So the very first thing we're going to do is to look at the profile, and you're going to have to assign each each individual profile to a a number or something so that you can keep them straight or name them or whatever.

Connie Smith:

How would you work with this person? No. How how would how would one work with 2? How would 2 work with 1? So you're going to need the profile.

Connie Smith:

Now if you find difficulty in working with the profile that you have, then quickly tweak the tweak the profile so that you can gain the teaching, not the personal experience. Okay? Does this make sense?

Cindy:

I have to bow out now. So I just wanted to say how much I've enjoyed this, these 2 weeks, and, you guys are all great. Love you. You're great people. Thank you for, your input and, for your prayers.

Cindy:

And Vivian, I will continue to pray for you, in this. So, yeah. So, lord willing, we'll see each other somewhere in time.

Connie Smith:

Alright. We'll just send you Praying for you. And all you have to do.

Cindy:

Thank you.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Cindy:

Michelle, I'm gonna be actually be passing through Chiang Mai.

Michelle:

Okay. Well, let me know when you're in town.

Cindy:

Yeah. Do you have a WhatsApp?

Michelle:

I do. I do. So I I will send my WhatsApp number to you want me to do the text now or to

Connie Smith:

your email? Or not I'm

Cindy:

gonna resend it to my, email.

Michelle:

Okay. Do that.

Cindy:

Okay. Thank you. And, Carmen, I'll see you when I if you don't go, then I will see you. But, Donna, it was nice to, meet you.

Donna Marcue:

Nice to meet you too.

Cindy:

And Stone, it was nice to like, you're the person now I know who Stone is because your name is famous.

Stone:

Really? I didn't know that.

Cindy:

Yeah. Because you're working with our people. So that's why.

Stone:

Oh, Cindy, I'm so glad to meet you to know you as a person, and I really like you.

Cindy:

Yeah. No. I love it. I mean, it's been great. I mean, like I said, we need to do another You you you will high five in person one day.

Cindy:

Yeah. Yeah. I really like you.

Stone:

I hope I I hope someday, you know, we can have more interactions. Maybe I don't know. That do really depends on God's plan. But

Cindy:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, hopefully, one day, I'll make it back to Beijing. Yeah. And I will, look you up.

Stone:

Mhmm. Definitely. We're gonna have coffee and dinner together.

Cindy:

Yeah. Yeah. And And and and and and and and and and I'm getting ready to descend somewhere. I'm always like, okay. What am I gonna eat?

Cindy:

But first, I'm always like, you know, so Chinese. Oh, I'm already thinking about like, I'm already thinking about the lamb I'm gonna be eating in Mongolia.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. So so Donna and Connie, nothing important happens in China without food, so we're talking about lamb kebabs. Yeah.

Connie Smith:

Very good. Yeah. That that sounds really good.

Cindy:

Yeah. Anyway, Connie, thank you so much for the stories. It's, like, learned tons. I mean, like I said, I can't take the student out of me, so I took as many of your stories as I my fingers could possibly type. And, I'm gonna be using them as well as, lord willing, I'm gonna be using this material in total when I we gotta get it translated, though, first.

Cindy:

So,

Connie Smith:

yeah. Well, just remember not to translate it word for word. Translate the concepts.

Cindy:

Right. And then gotta figure out the the contextualization. So I wanna work on that with, somebody from China and somebody from Mongolia. Okay. Love you guys, and

Connie Smith:

we'll be

Cindy:

somewhere sometime.

Connie Smith:

Here, there, in the air.

Cindy:

Here, there.

Connie Smith:

Mhmm. In the air.

Michelle:

Thank you, Joe.

Cindy:

K. Bye. Bye.

Mike Banker:

Bye, Cindy.

Cindy:

Bye. Thanks, Mike. Thanks for putting this together.

Mike Banker:

Yep. You're welcome. Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

Okay. I just found another illustration of status earned. When we were in the in the seventies, we decided that if we were going to continue living in Colombia, even though our people didn't speak any any Spanish, so, you know, we never got to use it. So we went back, and we went to, Costa Rica for language school. And while we were there, this actually is a true story, the president of Costa Rica at that time, did not have an entourage of protection and all of that.

Connie Smith:

He drove him himself

Michelle:

Wow.

Connie Smith:

To the pink house, to to his office. Okay? One morning, while we were there, one morning he had a flat tire, but he was late, so he hitchhiked

Donna Marcue:

Oh, my goodness.

Connie Smith:

His way to the office. I thought that was just delightful. We've heard this over and over, over and over, And it it's based in a lie, but it it does have to do with the basic, the basic motivation was probably there, and then out of that, they were deceived by this lie that we did take care of. We had this, in this course, we had this, oh, this really tall, blonde, beautiful young man of God. And one day, he was, you know, 6 foot 2 or 3.

Connie Smith:

One day he wanted to talk to me and he simply burst into tears. And he says, I am not getting, I am not getting Moroccan Arabic. Not under, I'm not getting it, I'm just not getting it. And how well I do in this will determine how much value I have to God and to the as a person. Okay.

Connie Smith:

So enough of that. Alright. So do we all have a profile of 2 people that we're talking about? Okay.

Stone:

So

Connie Smith:

I'm going to call them one profile is is number 1, and the other profile is number 2. So quickly, just in general, I want each of you to tell me not whole stories and stuff, but because that will take too much time. And we are under time constraint no matter where we are on the continuum. We will need to, just give what I'm going to have to look at and not what I'm going to have to look at. What is one going to have to look at when he's dealing with 2 and how 2 is going to, relate to 1?

Connie Smith:

Okay? So who wants to be first? Who is who is, casual enough that they're willing to to try this?

Mike Banker:

Chicken. We're all afraid.

Connie Smith:

I'm all afraid. Very, very careful.

Stone:

I'm not sure. I

Michelle:

understand. I'm 11. So That's

Connie Smith:

why we want somebody who is casual enough to try this so that we can work it through.

Michelle:

Yes. I'm very casual. Alright.

Connie Smith:

Well, let's go. I I was surprised with something. Could you tip oh, dear. Could you tip your camera to a place where I can see more than the top of your head? That's good.

Michelle:

Because I'm using iPad, and the stand is just this angle. So I'm sorry, but I'll try to set up.

Connie Smith:

Alright. That's fine.

Mike Banker:

Can you can you put a book under the stand or something just to raise it a

Michelle:

That would be even taller.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. I meant just around the back

Michelle:

edge. So

Mike Banker:

Around the back edge of this one. Mhmm. Okay.

Connie Smith:

Okay. Anyway alright. So what is what is show us your profile of 12 as they fit together. Show us that.

Michelle:

Well, I I haven't marked it. I'm just tonight, I just decided to switch to I was gonna do my 2 sons, but, I just decided to

Connie Smith:

switch to I I don't want you to to do anything with anybody that personal. Yeah. So

Michelle:

this time, I'm switching.

Connie Smith:

Okay.

Michelle:

Right. Just 2 people that,

Connie Smith:

Okay. Very good.

Michelle:

But I have a market on the profile. I'll try to describe it. So profile 1 is time oriented, and he's a team leader. And profile 2 is the team member who is very event oriented. And, the team leader is very, holistic.

Michelle:

A team member is very tight. Team leaders are very direct.

Connie Smith:

So so leader the number one is time and holistic. Okay.

Michelle:

And directive and individual, careful, and given. Status given. And profile 2 is event and dichotomous and selective, relational, casual, and status.

Connie Smith:

Is that, brief enough? That's okay. Okay.

Michelle:

What else do you want me to say?

Connie Smith:

Okay. So, casual and what was the status one? Status earned. Earned. Okay.

Connie Smith:

Alright. Let's see. Alright. And and let's see. Okay.

Connie Smith:

Do you have you all written this down since she doesn't have it, so that she can show us? Have you written this down?

Cindy:

Team leader is casual or careful.

Michelle:

Team leader is careful. Team member is casual.

Donna Marcue:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

Okay. Very good. Alright. Let's let's let's draw let's draw the profile.

Michelle:

Just give me a second.

Connie Smith:

So we've got our center line here. So the leader is time and holistic. No. Time and yes. Time and holistic and dichotomy and individual and careful and given.

Cindy:

Okay.

Connie Smith:

So I'm gonna draw my lines. Alright then. Alright. Then we have team member who is event and die and dichotomy. Whoo.

Connie Smith:

Okay. And selective and relational and casual and

Mike Banker:

earned.

Connie Smith:

Okay. So there you've been. So connect those dots. Okay. So this this is what that profile looks like, and the pencil is the leader.

Connie Smith:

Number is number 1, and the purple is the team member, number 2. Now why is it showing that side of the tape? There we go.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

You see it? Yep. Okay. Now just from that, Michelle, where are the where might the struggles come from?

Stone:

Michelle, you muted yourself.

Connie Smith:

Michelle, we can't hear you. Michelle, you're muted. There we go. Oh, no. You Again?

Connie Smith:

No problem. Now you're okay. Now we can.

Michelle:

Okay. So a lot of struggle. Yes. You can see the, the team member is very event go up with flow, not planning at all, and very emotional because it's very everything is about relationship and but the team leader is directive, giving a very direct order, expectation, time oriented things, plan out the whole week schedule for him to follow. But it's it's very hard for for the the team member to follow.

Michelle:

And he felt that that he wants more fellowship, you know, doing life together. He felt that the team team leader doesn't care about him. All the all the leader wants from him is performance. So he resent from that. And yeah.

Michelle:

So so that, of course, that, caused some conflict and distress.

Connie Smith:

Alright. Now so I'm gonna ask an interesting question here. What is going to be the problem that the leader has according to his, profile, the leader? What is he himself, not related to anybody else, but how is he what is going to be the struggle within himself given his profile?

Michelle:

He struggles to to see this team member.

Connie Smith:

No. No. We're not talking about the team member. What is the struggle that the team that the leader is going to have with himself?

Michelle:

With himself. Okay.

Donna Marcue:

Can we chip in or no?

Cindy:

No. Sorry. Please.

Donna Marcue:

Well, I I think it may be that he's holistic because if he's a time person, but he has a whole picture, that'd be frustrating.

Connie Smith:

Okay. But what is the part of his profile that makes it problematic for him?

Mike Banker:

Well, I think she's so Donna said it's his his time oriented but holistic. So the

Connie Smith:

There you go. Okay. So how is that going to make a a a conflict in himself? See, most time, I mean, you would expect a time person to be dichotomistic and directive and, individual and careful and given. I mean, that's because those kind of things all go together.

Connie Smith:

Now it's not always the case, and this is why I'm bringing up this point. So now this leader is time, but he's holistic. So what is he going to have to do in order to gain control of that? He doesn't have to change, but he is going to have to be in control of this so that he can actually have some satisfaction in life.

Donna Marcue:

I would say he'd have to pick a piece out of the hole to focus on and try to

Connie Smith:

Okay.

Donna Marcue:

So that he could manage it.

Connie Smith:

Manage it according to what?

Donna Marcue:

To all his other that he's careful and time But

Connie Smith:

we're talking about now the the time and the holism.

Donna Marcue:

So he could accomplish something and not be scattered, wasting his time or something like that.

Michelle:

He's also very workaholic because he is like on a schedule schedule schedule doing things.

Mike Banker:

Right.

Connie Smith:

Yes. But he's also holistic. So what is his struggle going to be?

Mike Banker:

There's never enough time.

Connie Smith:

Okay.

Mike Banker:

And,

Connie Smith:

And he never has any satisfaction. He never has any peace. The the job's done.

Mike Banker:

Right.

Connie Smith:

Okay. So what is he going to have to get a hold of in order to adapt this orientation to the point that he can live free and at peace without all this stress and anxiety?

Mike Banker:

Let me ask, maybe it's a silly question, but can a holistic person be time oriented and be satisfied?

Connie Smith:

Oh, absolutely. You can be any combination.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. I'm surprised.

Donna Marcue:

Yeah.

Connie Smith:

Well, think about it. Think about what what the conflict would be in this person that he has to live with every single day if he is time and dichotomy and Holistic. Holistic.

Mike Banker:

Seems like he needs a right hand right hand man.

Connie Smith:

Yes. So that that's one helpful hint one helpful hint.

Michelle:

Yeah. He does. He has a a system that works well with him.

Connie Smith:

That helps him do what?

Mike Banker:

The pieces. Okay.

Connie Smith:

A piece to work on or to focus on in the amount of time. But the time is also going to have to he's going to let have to let loose of this rigid time because he's in control of it. And so he can choose to either increase the time or to be flexible enough, but this is a choice in adapting.

Mike Banker:

Right. Seems like you'd have to cut a whole bunch of stuff out that is, takes time, but isn't isn't important.

Connie Smith:

Right.

Mike Banker:

Just the it's not part of his big picture. All mundane tasks, let's say.

Connie Smith:

Okay.

Mike Banker:

Is that, is that the right

Connie Smith:

Well, those are some of the things that he would have to be in control of in order to live his life without stress and anxiety. Now, did I say that he needed to change his orientation? No. But he needs to be in control of his orientation.

Vivian:

Okay?

Connie Smith:

Alright. Now what is the team member? Where is their struggle? Personal struggle?

Mike Banker:

Event and dichotomous.

Connie Smith:

Okay. Okay. So what are they gonna have to do? What is number 2 going to have to do in order for him to what's going to be the struggle? What's gonna be the struggle?

Connie Smith:

This is the two areas in which he's going to have struggle.

Michelle:

And I think another struggle is the selective too. Dichotomist and selective.

Connie Smith:

Okay. But what what other struggles he's going to have he's going to have if he's event, dichotomy, and selective? Now, this has nothing to do with how he's gonna work with the leader. This has to do with struggles within him himself and his own life. Believe me, these are all these are all illustrations of things we have worked with.

Connie Smith:

This was this was a leader of a cross cultural worker that we had struggles with or that he had struggles that he came to us with.

Mike Banker:

So he's going to engage with people and and share ad ad nauseam.

Connie Smith:

Mhmm.

Mike Banker:

That's the right phrase, but, all the the details and all the options. Is that

Connie Smith:

Alright. What about this directive stuff?

Mike Banker:

Well, he's selective, so he's gonna offer the options. But that I mean, that's gonna be pretty irritating for the people around him. They probably aren't quite that.

Connie Smith:

We're talk just talking about he himself. Yeah. Struggles in himself.

Mike Banker:

Struggle in himself. Okay.

Stone:

He himself. He's dichotomy and selective. Right?

Connie Smith:

Mhmm. Yes. And dichotomy dichotomy and event. Mhmm. And

Stone:

I will say maybe this person will have trouble making decisions, like, which to choose.

Connie Smith:

Okay.

Stone:

I have to choose the right one. I have to to choose the best one. And wait. What is the best one? There has to be a best one.

Stone:

There has to be a better one.

Donna Marcue:

Mhmm.

Stone:

What about that? Will that happen?

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Absolutely.

Stone:

Yeah. So

Michelle:

And then he gets distracted. Yes. On the way, it just never get things done. And

Connie Smith:

Right. And then is so frustrated and so upset that he did not accomplish what he set out to accomplish.

Stone:

Yeah. He probably will judge himself and say Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Self blame, self judge, and, it sounds like this person is very hard to comfort. Like Yes.

Stone:

Even though you say, it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. You can try next time. And is the the person will still insist.

Stone:

No. I did a really horrible thing. And, I did

Connie Smith:

a really horrible thing because I did not complete the task.

Stone:

Yeah. And I nothing good come out of this. So, like, a black and white situation.

Mike Banker:

I think he probably never sleeps either.

Connie Smith:

Well

Mike Banker:

But,

Connie Smith:

Anderson That

Michelle:

that actually is one thing that the team leader complains about.

Stone:

Okay. Oh, that is it.

Mike Banker:

Yeah.

Michelle:

He said that it the team leader said because he doesn't get enough sleep, so he gets very irritated and emotional.

Mike Banker:

Uh-huh. Yeah. I was thinking about the team member. Yeah. Doesn't sleep because, they're engaged with people, but then they have to go back and figure this all out, find the right the best answer.

Mike Banker:

So they're back and forth.

Connie Smith:

And he also needs he also needs all of the options that might be out there

Mike Banker:

Yes.

Connie Smith:

In order to fit it into his dichotomy as to which is the best.

Michelle:

Yes. In fact, this is the part of the when they first arrived on the field, they were assigned to a language school. And just 3 months in, they said this doesn't fit us. It doesn't fit up my learning style. They asked for another style of language learning.

Michelle:

And it's a few months in, he's just like, this is not working.

Cindy:

So Oh, oh, yeah.

Stone:

That sounds like people will try things for shorter work for short time, and then they will just switch to the next one and switch to the next one and switch to another one. And it's like, it's not easy to be satisfied because you can never find a perfect one that that check all the list. Yeah. So so for example, if she's looking for safe helpers, she probably say, oh, this, I don't want this one for a short time. I don't want this one.

Stone:

I'll try next one. Try next one. Try next one.

Michelle:

Yeah. So that's, and then from team leader's perspective, it's like he's not really studying hard. He's finding excuses for he's not committed not committed enough.

Connie Smith:

But you can you can see then that all I'm trying to show is that just because you're left sided on 4 of the things, it doesn't mean that you might not be right sided on the other 2. You might have this conflict all over the place. Now, I'm not looking at this as to what problems they're going to have dealing with somebody else, but the problems they're going to have in their own life and in their own their own self.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

So in order to help them do this, we have to come up with some options on how they might adapt so that they can have less stress, less judgment, less anxiety in order to to live out their life for themselves, not even how they relate to other people. So, again, this model helps us help people. Now remember remember that neither side, neither combination, none of this is about sin. But it does be, come about if you're if you're this t, if they're you are this team member that if this is carried so far to the extreme, it's because now you're believing a lie about all of this in which you've set judgment on yourself. So when you're working with someone, you have to be able to identify or help with the whole with this Holy Spirit.

Connie Smith:

Okay? I'm never, never, never, never living out the work of the Holy Spirit. Okay? But just a little word about the Holy Spirit and the heart that God has given us for people. One of my, great lessons that I've learned in the last couple of 3 years is that I can let my heart get ahead of God's plan.

Connie Smith:

I want to help this person. I want to help this person what whatever difficulty they might be in. And so I run with it to help them and I end up in trouble because I do not have the strength and power of the Lord with me because this is not his plan for this now. And, I've already told most of you, at least, about where I got myself. I let by letting my heart lead instead of God, I end up in really, really, really a bad position.

Connie Smith:

This could have cost me everything financially. Could have cost me everything. And I had to beg for forgiveness and beg for mercy. He didn't let me get by with nothing, but instead of tens and 1,000 of dollars, it only cost only cost me a 1,000. So he did show me mercy, but he didn't let me get he wanted me to hear my see my lesson.

Connie Smith:

So it's very important when we're dealing with people that not every problem that they have is because of lies they believe. It may be their orientation, and that's what got them into the trouble because they were not they were working out of their heart in this orientation rather than working out of God's plan. But then you begin to see whether there is a lie there that is fueling this to make it more of a problem in the person's life. So you see how this model works together with PR. It's a tool.

Connie Smith:

K? Alright. Let's see. Where else do we have a a an interesting conflict? Oh, okay.

Connie Smith:

So the leader, the leader is very individual. The leader is very individual. Let's see. Very leader is very individual, and the team member is very relational. So how how is this team member going to work in harmony at this level with the leader?

Stone:

I'll I'll say the team member can offer help for this team leader, and let team leader to reach out to team member for help instead of, like so team member needs to respect the team leaders boundaries or be very cautious about that.

Connie Smith:

And Oh, is the the team member going to relate in, in harmony with this leader, not the other way around? We'll talk about that another time. But right now, how is the team member who is relational.

Michelle:

And he needs to buy in buy in the leader's vision and goal and build the relationship that so when he follow or join, he would feel he's part of that. He's not just doing what team leader wants to accomplish.

Connie Smith:

Okay. And the first thing that he cannot do is judge the motivation, judge the the character of the leader who's trying to push him to do something on his own that he's really uncomfortable doing.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Connie Smith:

So the first thing is to let loose of judgment of character.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

Okay? When we pass judgment on someone's character, is that a sin or not?

Stone:

Yes. No

Connie Smith:

matter what side of the continuum you're on? Yes. Okay? But if we see if we see that there is, a problem, then I have to take care of it from my side, and then I have to, take care of how I can then work with this with this leader in harmony. So one of the things, for instance, he might do is say to this director, in order to do this, can I build my own team?

Michelle:

Well, he's he's talking about it. He's talking about the organization probably will not let him. There's a a conflict here.

Connie Smith:

There's a conflict because the leader says, I want you to go out on your own and do this. This is your assignment.

Mike Banker:

Maybe I have an example that might help. So I worked for this corporation and in China, and they my boss said, I would like you to find a way to increase sales in each of these 5 industries. And so I went to each of those, the Chinese, my Chinese colleague that led each of those 5 industries, the sales in those industries. And I said, so this is the relational part. I said, okay.

Mike Banker:

Here's the deal. We I have to find a way to increase we have to find a way to increase sales in your area. So you and I are gonna talk and, write a report. It's gonna be written your it's gonna be written under your name and just copied to me because my problem was is why would they be open to me? Why I I just take their ideas and I look good, but they don't get any credit.

Mike Banker:

So I said, the report's gonna be in your name, not my name. So I switched something that was quite, he the boss held me responsible for the results, but I I made it their thing and so that they would get all the glory and I succeeded. But, so I took something that was quite individualistic and made it into something that was quite relational. There really was no other way to make it succeed. There was no reason for them to talk to me otherwise.

Mike Banker:

And so, I don't think I violated my boss's rule. I was responsible to talk to them and there was a report and it came from them, from the individual managers. And, yeah, I don't know if that helps, but that's what comes to my mind.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Mike Banker:

So I don't

Vivian:

I think, like

Mike Banker:

Kinda created my own team leader, actually, in a sense, by letting them write the report for each industry. I don't know. Maybe that's too messy.

Connie Smith:

No. I think that you answered the question very nicely. However, it worked out in this situation may have other things going on. But in this this difference here, that would be a a way of handling it. Yeah.

Vivian:

If it coming from the team member perspective, which is if the team member is a relation a relational and if the leader is a individual, And maybe one potential conflicts might be the leaders very focused on the task and goals. And the members very focused on the relationship, you know, like the friends, you know, like, how we can work together. But because almost, can be often in a in a to a point that it's, sacrificing the goal of finishing the task. Mhmm. And to understand the leader's size of the perspective, which is, like, you know, to get the things done and to finish the task that is assigned assigned to the members instead of, like, thinking, oh, the leaders doesn't care about relationships and only cares about assignments and task and completion of the the things and but instead, yeah, present the needs of the members, you know, sharing, oh, this is what I value.

Vivian:

And but I also understand that you want to get the the task done. So I'm giving my best to finish the task.

Connie Smith:

K. Okay. But you can also be relational

Michelle:

and,

Connie Smith:

yes, you can also be relational and oh, well, never mind on that. It's taken too far. Okay. Alright. Let's take a break, and then we'll take somebody else's profile of a, 1 and of 12.

Connie Smith:

And let's see if we can't get them where they are in agreement at some levels. Okay. So this is not necessarily a true thing, but for people who have problems coming up with ideas of the hypothetical, then pick somebody. But we're looking for the next time we discuss this, some of the places where they are the same. So some of you had profiles that, practically, one was on top of the other.

Connie Smith:

I don't remember who it was. But okay? So let's take a break.

Stone:

They they gonna have something to communicate

Connie Smith:

with. What if, you've been assigned by the person who's both your bosses, who who's the boss for both of you, and he says, I want you to work together

Mike Banker:

and

Connie Smith:

do this. What are if you're gonna be in control of it, what are you going to have to adapt in order to do this in harmony?

Stone:

So they need to learn how to teamwork. They need to learn how to compromise a little bit.

Connie Smith:

Well, but, you're you can only handle one side of it.

Stone:

And one of them need to compromise.

Connie Smith:

Well or not necessarily compromise. What might you be able to do? You're both individual in accomplishing this. This doesn't always mean that you have to give up something. And the way we're using compromise here is is compromise is kind of a bad word.

Stone:

We slip the task and let each of them taking take care of 1.

Connie Smith:

Okay. So you would have to have a discussion.

Stone:

Who will do which part?

Connie Smith:

Yeah. You would have to decide that that's the way you want to to handle this to get the task accomplished.

Cindy:

Okay.

Connie Smith:

Now it's not that compromise is bad or that compromise is a sin, but compromise simply means that you come to an agreement where you can work in harmony. That's the positive side of compromise. It's not that somebody has to give up at all to give it over to you. That's capitulating. And that's a different thing than compromise.

Connie Smith:

Compromise should lead to peace and harmony in both parties. In most relational societies, when you go to the marketplace or you're trying to make a deal, the deal that leaves you both in harmony is the best deal. So no sides no side is get taken advantage of, but you, both sides go away. It's a win win situation. We do not have to think think alike.

Connie Smith:

We do not have to process alike, but we do have to be in control enough to live in harmony with the guys person on the other side doing our part to do that. It how many people does it take to make harmony?

Mike Banker:

At least 2.

Connie Smith:

At least 2. Okay. And you only can do your part. And that's why we are talking about you and what you are going to have to do, what you are going to have to be in control of in order to work in harmony with somebody else. When it comes down to it, all of the illustrations that we have, and I think there's either 5 or 7, I can never remember, scripture passages that tell us that we are to submit.

Connie Smith:

We are to submit to those in authority over us, we are to submit to one another, we are to submit to the Holy Spirit, we are to submit to wives, we are to submit to their husbands. But in English, this word submit has come to mean kind of the boot on the neck.

Mike Banker:

Yeah.

Connie Smith:

There's the victor and the, loser. Well, you can't that that can't be what these things mean. But I heard a a a scholar one time, I can't remember who it was or where it was, but a Greek scholar, 1, say one time that one of the more obscure, uses of the words sub that is translated in English submit has to do with being in harmony with. You're not fighting with them. You're not arguing with them.

Connie Smith:

And that makes perfect sense. Don't challenge those in authority over you. Be in harmony with them. Come under their direction. Now, of course, you don't do anything that any of these tell you to do that is contrary to what God is telling you to do.

Connie Smith:

Okay. So let's don't go there. God is your first and foremost. If your husband tells you to do something, if he tells you to go kill George, well, I don't think God is expecting us to obey our husbands, okay, or to submit to his authority and go do this. Now it's gonna cost you something to go against it, but that's kinda true with every decision we make.

Connie Smith:

There are always consequences, good or bad. But these can't mean that I am the total loser because it doesn't work that way. How can I be in in submission to one another? How can I have my boot on their neck and they have boot on my neck and we're both then losers?

Mike Banker:

You know?

Connie Smith:

But this word, submit, leaves everybody everybody being winners.

Donna Marcue:

I heard a definition for submit that they called it voluntary yielding.

Connie Smith:

Okay.

Donna Marcue:

And, like, what you're saying now, we're we're choosing for what with what we know. We're choosing how can we change.

Connie Smith:

Not change. Not change.

Donna Marcue:

How can we adapt?

Connie Smith:

There you go.

Donna Marcue:

Adapt. And it's voluntary because we're choosing to do it for the greater good.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Doesn't mean that you have to give up everything. Not necessarily. You can come to a harmonious compromise or whatever. There are ways of almost every problem.

Connie Smith:

You have options. Now some of those options may not be viable for you, but you're never stuck without an option. Does that make sense? So when we're having a struggle we have to identify where the struggle is coming from and what can I do to make it more harmonious where both of us come out winners? Okay.

Connie Smith:

So now we have a friend who is time. See, we've we've been over these a lot, but that's why I'm trying to bring out different aspects today. And here we are, this one, we're direct opposites, and we've we've talked about how we would handle these opposite ones. But here we are. What conflict might you have if you were both time?

Michelle:

My time is not your time. My my schedule is not your schedule.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. They're dividing up this time. You may divide up this time in different ways. Right. Okay.

Connie Smith:

Yep. I I do have to tell this story. When we presented this, to another group in their training of their leaders, using this model, they had a a an area leader that was co led in the the Middle East. Right? That it's not really.

Connie Smith:

It's more of the the Eastern Mediterranean. And one of these co leaders was an artist. The other co leader was a chemical engineer. The artist never, ever gave a thought to Time. He didn't even have a watch.

Connie Smith:

Now they're they're in a cross cultural situation, leading groups of people in other countries. Okay? But this is all taking place in not that that makes any difference, really. But, anyway, the frustration comes not with the event person, then not with the artist. He's just out doing his thing.

Connie Smith:

But the other leader, the chemical engineer, he's very time, very time, very dichotomistic and so on as you would expect a scientist to be. Okay? When he when the artist one found out how much frustration that his friend, colleague, and co leader was suffering because of his tie his event orientation, you know what he did? He went out and bought a watch. And he he may tried to make it a point.

Connie Smith:

Now this was a conscious decision that he had to struggle with, a conscious decision to become more aware of the time in order to work in harmony with this other one with the time, time person. That's a real, real life story. But the struggles you can have are because you're opposites, but, also, the struggles you can have is when you're the same. If you're both dichotomy, what's gonna be the problem? What could be the problem?

Connie Smith:

Well, your boxes might be different. Your categories might be different. Your need to analyze the problem in order to find the box it goes in might take different paths and so on and so forth. So all this is all this is is a tool to allow us to accomplish what we're trying to do with the other person. Work in harmony, teach.

Connie Smith:

I couldn't find it because I was gonna read you a text this morning that I got from, a man that we first met going through this course, going through this, cross cultural communication course this semester abroad that we had. And, then he went to the field, he and his wife, they went to the and kids eventually. They went to the field, and he was the leader. And he was way off the score, way off, way off the scale in event. But using this model, he has been, over the years, able to be in charge of it enough, to work with people.

Connie Smith:

So now they are they are home, and he is teaching school. He makes a wonderful teacher, but he has to do a lot of planning because he is so event in order to get the lesson taught the next day. And, the the text was about this. I'm I'm concerned that, on this unit that I was teaching, that the first exam, everybody came out very poorly. So I'm praying about what I can, what I can do to be more effective so that they learn more So that the next exam, for the next unit, they all come out with much better scores.

Connie Smith:

That's a use of this model. Okay? What can I do to adapt to help them better learn? Now he may have to take it. What is what orientation, left or right?

Connie Smith:

Well, that's hard. Whether the I'm trying to ask the question. The syllabus for basic motivations or the syllabus for, teaching a PR, Richard was very left sided for the most part. But how did he go about writing, presenting the the syllabus, either syllabus? How did he teach?

Mike Banker:

I I, I I remember one one thing very distinctly as he was very time oriented when it came to the teaching part. You can't interrupt him and ask questions. He said there'd be times at the end when you can ask questions, but and he was he's not he is pretty strict, but not not entirely. But so he was very time conscious to teach something before there was questions. But then there was the questions, which was the, a very open discussion.

Mike Banker:

And so that would appeal more to the event oriented, person.

Connie Smith:

K. Alright. How was his presentation of the written syllabus?

Michelle:

I think that he is very, he used some of the casual way of presenting the points throughout even with some cartoon illustration. But at the end, he has the the table, like, very careful, well organized, like, so it fits both style.

Connie Smith:

Right. So he, the this the both syllabuses are really written or syllabi or whatever, Andy. Anyway, are written to cover both sides of the continuum.

Mike Banker:

Right. Yep.

Connie Smith:

So he would give an overview. He gave, the the basic information, for the earned and and, the the given and earned people. I don't think that part it was not necessary at all, to translate that, but he he he gave where this group is coming from and this group is coming from and this group is coming from or how they approach the counseling or whatever, how they and then he pointed out, how this was helpful and how this was not helpful. And then he went on to the next one, and then he ended up by showing how the prayer resolution, stuff kinda took care of all these things that were left out of or didn't were not presented in all of these others. K?

Connie Smith:

So that would take care of your given

Cindy:

and honored

Connie Smith:

people. He tried to present things so that no matter where you were on the continuum, he was able to reach you. Now you still might not understand, but it wasn't because of his presentation. It may have been that he wasn't clear enough or etcetera, etcetera. So you you you see, it can be done.

Connie Smith:

You've noticed how, where I feel you are on some continuum. I try to answer your question in a way that I understand that is more towards your where you are on the continuum. For some of you, I've just listed listed the facts or gave, to others, I've used illustrations to make a point. To others, I have used stories, and out of the story, made the point. There's a difference between an illustration and a and a store and a story, not a story.

Connie Smith:

An illustration and making the point. When Jesus taught, he used it all, and that's why I don't like to use, any member of the Godhead, trying to decide where they are on the continuum because god is everything. Okay? But the story the story of, who is my neighbor, was that from a, illustration point, or was the teaching in the story?

Mike Banker:

Teaching was in the story.

Connie Smith:

Yes. Exactly. When he said oh, I had it in a minute ago. When he when he taught on building your house on sand, what would that story have been? An illustration or out of the story did the point come?

Connie Smith:

Illustration. Pardon?

Michelle:

Illustration. Yes.

Connie Smith:

Very much so. All of these these lists with the pictures, you know, in the syllabus, with the pictures and the statement work to to a certain degree. But then so they are then, what, illustrations or the story?

Michelle:

Illustration.

Connie Smith:

Okay. They are also illustrations. When then we go to tell a story about how a person did this or did that, but don't draw the conclusion in the story, what is that teaching? From, illustration or the story the answer is in the story.

Michelle:

Answer is in the story.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

So the illustration is just they enjoy sharing ideas with others within an informal situation. That that's that is a, oh, what am I talking about? That is an illustration. Now when I tell the story about how the teacher sat down at the desk and he began this long story, but he never gave you the conclusion, you know, and this is what this is teaching, but he just gave you the story. He's being very casual.

Connie Smith:

He's sitting on his desk, and he is not dressed in, you know, all this proper garb and all of that. But he is giving you this teaching as an illustration or as a, answer found in the story.

Donna Marcue:

The answer is in the story.

Connie Smith:

Right. Okay?

Mike Banker:

But you have to find it. It's not explained.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Yes. And then that leads to discussion, and now more people can understand and so on and so on and that you can ask questions Okay now, our time is is going and I know you have lots of questions And today, the best I can do for you is asking a lot of questions and having you think through what I'm asking. And with that in mind, I'm kind of past sharing the information. So now in these last minutes that we have left, are there questions, that you want to ask?

Cindy:

Hey, Connie. May I ask, are there people who have, like, both this and that almost balanced? Or, like, in how is it better you get both, or is it better in one circumstance you you be one way when you try to adapt?

Connie Smith:

Well, if you're both the same way, then your adapting is not going to be your presentation. Your adapting is going to have to to see at what point you do differ, not where you are on the continuum because you're on the same con you are on the same slot on the continuum. So why are we still struggling if we're both event or for both time.

Cindy:

So we adapt according to who who the individual we are interacting with or sometimes according to the group we are interacting with. Right?

Connie Smith:

Yes. Yes. But if you are if the individual has the same kind of profile you have, you still may have conflict. If the person has very much the same kind of profile that you have, you still may have conflict. So how can I relate to them out of both of our event so that we get that we're working through this in harmony?

Cindy:

No. The purpose is to work together. And my question is kind of general. It helps me I I'm thinking how to better understand this model. My another, second question is, what, for what kind of reason a person's continuum may change?

Connie Smith:

They may not, I I would say more more than like more than likely, a person's continuum will not change, but they may change their their place on the continuum as they get healing, as they get, more information, as they get more in control of themselves. But a person who is time is not going to change and become event. But they may not be as extreme time.

Cindy:

So yeah. The tendency, you mean the tendency of every person is pretty stable. They may vary a little, but usually, if you're on this side, you stay on this side. Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

And all on both sides, really. The goal is to live in harmony by being able to move towards the center.

Michelle:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

And you are in charge. It doesn't change your continuum, but it changes your approach to finding what you need to do to build the

Mike Banker:

So your view that one was extreme.

Connie Smith:

But your extremes, the further you are, to the right or left may change, and instead of being a 23, you may modify that because of healing or because of truth or or because you're better understanding yourself or you're understanding other people, maybe a lot of reason because none of it is sin. There's nothing here to confess. There's nothing here that needs forgiveness. Now what you do with that might lead to sin. Okay?

Connie Smith:

But as as we grow older, most people grow more mellow. No matter what side they're on, they grow more mellow, and so they are coming more just by age and experience, coming more towards the center.

Cindy:

So that means with their age, they gain more experience. So their, worldview is more balanced like that.

Connie Smith:

Okay. Leave out the word balance because that is that is a judgment that where they are on their continuum is wrong.

Cindy:

Uh-huh.

Connie Smith:

Okay? But they become more in control of these things, and they become more mellow.

Cindy:

Mellow is a good word. Yeah.

Connie Smith:

Yeah.

Cindy:

Okay. Thank you.

Connie Smith:

Does does that help any?

Cindy:

Yeah. It helps me to understand what how to eat how to think about this. Yeah.

Connie Smith:

Right. And the big thing that you have to do, the big thing because we talked about this. I'm not making a judgment. But because your final thing is finding the right answer. Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

You have to make sure that your boxes are not including judgments.

Cindy:

Mhmm. Connie, are

Connie Smith:

Because it differs from you, it makes it wrong. It makes it sinful. I believe that God is saying this and this and this and this passage, and you're wrong or you're in sin if you're not looking at it in the same way.

Cindy:

Oh, you remind me of yesterday what you were trying to share. Like, it sounds like you have you have without having to have the person take the questionnaire, you would get a impression of, where is everyone at. Right?

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Not necessarily on account, but they tend towards holism or they tend towards dichotomy.

Cindy:

So you get get it by reading each of us? Yeah. Maybe I by interacting

Connie Smith:

All my talk to you yesterday wasn't about where you are on the continuum, but what problems I see in hearing you and where then I think the struggle comes from because you were asking me questions about you. And trying to answer those questions in a way that you could understand my points was not setting in judgment on what's right or wrong, but where you tend towards. Or do you tend more towards dichotomy, or do you tend more towards holism, for instance?

Cindy:

Well, you sound sounds like I'm more dichotomy. Right? Even though my

Connie Smith:

And this is what we, concluded from my evidence that I had, that I came to the conclusion that you are very dichotomistic, but you're selective and

Cindy:

But my score show fullest.

Connie Smith:

I don't care what your score showed. You're putting too much emphasis on this score.

Cindy:

Yeah.

Connie Smith:

Okay?

Cindy:

From your reading, time or event?

Connie Smith:

From my reading. I'm sorry. I don't quite understand the question.

Cindy:

From your impression from your impression.

Connie Smith:

From my impression in relating to you, I would say that you are much more, the reason that you have anxiety and stress so much in your life, which comes out in almost every every question you ask or so on and so forth, I'm not talking about character.

Cindy:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

Okay? I tend to see that you, need to get it right. Mhmm. But right right makes it right, and you have to get it right. But you are not, dichotomistic, you're holistic.

Connie Smith:

And so, and you are selective, not directive. And so tending towards tending towards, not an absolute number.

Cindy:

Mhmm. Okay. So or dichotomy or holistic?

Connie Smith:

Dichotomy or holistic. You are more the dichotomy is the most important thing.

Cindy:

I have both, but dichotomy

Connie Smith:

Oh, I say, let let me finish. This is not a right or a wrong, please. And that is your dichotomy speaking. You are speaking out of your dichotomy by having to have an absolute answer that you can find the proper category to put it in, and that makes it the right thing. Okay?

Connie Smith:

But the coming to that conclusion coming to that conclusion, you come at it as a more selective and holistic. In that, you're sitting here with this much information and your the categories you already have. And so something as you add it to your decision making here, Every time you get a new piece of information, you have to figure out how it fits into this hole. And when you're all done and and but the problem is you seldom ever come to a place where there not be more information out there than I need because I need all the information in order to make the correct decision. So thus, you are often in a state of anxiety and stress because I thought it was this way, I think it's this way.

Connie Smith:

My dichotomy then says, yes. That's the way it is. Well, then I hear somebody else, and they have a different opinion about this, and now I'm lost again. And now I'm questioning because if they're right, then I'm wrong. And thus we have this struggle in your life.

Connie Smith:

So you seldom my guessing my guessing just from the little I know you this is not a judgment Okay? So you my telling you this means that you can do what you want with it and you can put it into a box of right or wrong, but that is not my purpose. My purpose is to say it's not right or wrong to process like this. But one of the reasons that you struggle with questions and questions and questions is that with one question, you might get a a partial answer to it, but immediately, there's another question that comes up. And then you have to figure that in, and then you need another question.

Connie Smith:

But you can't really make a decision on what I believe on this because I don't have all of the options out there.

Cindy:

Sounds similar to what you were talking about last night. But I was trying to ask about, what's your impression of, like, the answer I was asking about? Like, because I

Connie Smith:

was lost the question. Okay.

Cindy:

Sorry. I was wondering because you were you were saying last night you were saying that, you pointed out I had a a stronger tendency on the dichotomy side than the holistic side, but my score showed a holistic result. Yeah. I was wondering, do you have other observation on the other continuum? Like, because I'm thinking about, like, the how, like because we may want to translate the English thing into Chinese.

Cindy:

And if the score doesn't really tell, who like, what kind where it it may not, like, work on Chinese. Maybe we need different questions. So if it doesn't give me the right score, like, your observation of what's my score

Connie Smith:

having a right score. Okay? Doesn't match As a matter of getting a right score. The questions that were asked you tended towards in one area of your life in decision making. You are selective in the way that you go about it.

Michelle:

Yeah. That that

Cindy:

Now wait.

Connie Smith:

Wait. Wait. Wait. So you are selecting about how you get your information. But what you do with that information is not from wholeness but from dichotomy.

Connie Smith:

And the dichotomy is the thing that's most important to you because it's important that whatever this is, that I'm right and not wrong, because your dichotomy has these two boxes. It has many other boxes, but it has these two boxes. It's this is the right, and this is the wrong. This is black. This is white.

Connie Smith:

There's no gray. You have not yet made a box that includes gray. This is not a judgment on your character. If the if the continuum that you came out with on this piece of paper is struggle and having you struggle with something, throw it away. K?

Connie Smith:

These numbers are not, answerable, but in order. But, there are there are more important continuums that drive your life, just we all have. In my study of myself, why I feel that my continuum doesn't really come out right either because, basically, I'm comfortable doing either side. Well, I tried to analyze why am I comfortable and at peace with myself and in harmony with, at least, most people. What is it that drives me to be able to work comfortably from both sides even though my orientation might be closer to the middle?

Connie Smith:

You see? So I don't have this struggle. However, what I have determined, is my overall goal, that my overall orientation isn't even on here, but it's the accomplishment of the goal. That isn't even on this continuum because it's a different thing. But your major thing in all of this and I'm I'm not making a judgment.

Connie Smith:

I'm evaluating what I see in you, okay, Which has nothing to do with your character. It has nothing to do with your relationship with God. K? What I see you is this you have this driving force that overrides everything that is to get it right because there's only a black and a white. So what you need to get more in control of is helping to to make more boxes.

Connie Smith:

So you now have a box that says it gray. So these things that don't have an absolute can be put into a box. But your overall goal, your judgments that you place on people, the the, stress that you have in your own life is all that about making sure you're right. And you need absolute assurance of that. In this case, you're all concerned because what I'm saying doesn't match up with where you are on this continuum.

Connie Smith:

The numbers don't match. And what I'm saying is the questions that were asked, this was your response to those questions. You are more holistic in your, or more selective in your trying to work out the the what category it goes in. But the goal the goal I'm sorry. Let me finish this, then I'll let you go, Mike.

Connie Smith:

But your goal is to make sure that you're right in this decision or belief. Okay, Mike.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. I what's helpful for me, on this these continuums is the question is is where am I compared to others? It's really, it is really as are they left of me or are they right of me? And the actual number isn't as important. Are they left of me or right of me?

Mike Banker:

And then what do I do with that? And so that's, so it's not an absolute scale. I think that's your point, Connie, it's not an absolute scale. And so when it comes to translating this, they have to realize that it's not a it's just to get a discussion going, really. It's like, okay.

Mike Banker:

Like, so if Carmen, where am I compared to you? See, that would be the question. And then how could I communicate more effectively knowing that you're to the right of me or to the left of me in this area? And so it's kinda it's this kinda relative to where I am, where are they, And but the accuracy doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm you know, maybe I ate too much pizza last night, so today I scored 12 instead of 9 on time event.

Mike Banker:

So the but the, it's just my relative position compared to others. And what what I can do to take the tension out of that relationship or to take the stress out of that relationship. I think you're kind of the Einstein of of counseling, Carmen. You're, you have to come up with a theory of general relativity. You can't you can't settle on just the principles of physics.

Mike Banker:

You have to roll it all up into the big picture. And but it's still just a theory. I mean, now it's all about quantum physics, right? So if you if you want to chase that rabbit, you know, from general relativity to quantum physics, you can. But if you want to decide, is this useful?

Mike Banker:

Can I just use it? I think that's a different question, and that's kinda what we're we're trying to get people who are have some sort of conflict or friction between them. Right. We use this as a tool to, not as an absolute measure of anything, but just as a tool of am I left or right of them. And, actually, there's some discussion there.

Mike Banker:

Well, maybe I'm not as left as I thought. When I think about this, they're more closer to me than I first thought because, yeah. Now, I'm a I kinda operate on intuition, I guess. I don't know if that's the right word, but I just feel like, okay, this is where I am. Okay.

Mike Banker:

Now why do I feel that way is a question that comes next. Yes. I don't start there. I start with a question as, where am I? And I just answer it.

Mike Banker:

It's just out of out of my gut or out of my intuition. So I don't think I'm I'm more holistic. So I have this I have some holism in me and that's what makes me think that. But I think you probably come from it in a different way. You say, okay.

Mike Banker:

You come from it the other direction. You don't say, okay. This is how I am. You say, okay. This is what it says.

Mike Banker:

Am I that? This is what it says. Am I that? This is what it says. Am I that?

Mike Banker:

So it's very piece by piece you build up this this image of yourself, I think. I I'm not I'm not sure. I'm not you. But but you're more you're more attentive to the pieces and all the pieces of the puzzle fitting together. And that's what I think Connie's comment about dichotomist dichotomistic.

Mike Banker:

But you really are after this general theory of relativity. It all has to roll up into these into these boxes and those boxes are placed in bigger boxes and it all has to fit together. And so you have a you have a great mind for, doing that. But I think you you probably you asked more questions than probably than you use what you learned. I guess that's my that's my thought.

Mike Banker:

Now okay. You're not alone. I'm educated way beyond I mean, I'm educated way beyond my, what I use. You know? And so I, I'm I'm like this in ways too.

Mike Banker:

But, anyway, I just think you have a great mind for putting things in boxes and then putting those in the bigger boxes, and ultimately you have this holistic general theory of relativity model. But that's your focus most the time is is trying to put all those pieces in the boxes and boxes and boxes, and and maybe you just wanna use it. Maybe you just wanna use the model instead. And and but translating wise, I just say be careful that it that they understand. It's just a it's not some sort of absolute scale.

Connie Smith:

It's not an absolute scale, and it is not a matter of character. And neither side, no matter where you are, is wrong. What you do with it might be wrong, but where you are, whether you're leaning this way or leaning that way is not, not wrong. It's what it is. That's all.

Connie Smith:

Mhmm.

Donna Marcue:

I think that questions on the scale and the scoring, I think it just helps you to be aware that such things exist.

Connie Smith:

Yes.

Donna Marcue:

I didn't look at people all these ways because they never occurred to me. So even though the score might not, you know, in one of those six cases, wasn't that your the right side of where you really are, probably 5 of them were pretty close. But anyway, it got you to think about this and got you to it gets us to be aware of this, this way of looking at people. And then secondly, like, so with this conflict, we kinda, you're talking about how can you live your life without stress and anxiety and to live in peace. So that's, I mean, that's when we're struggling with ourselves and whatever, I struggle with myself in another area, not in this area, this dichotomy or whatever dichotomy area.

Donna Marcue:

So how can you live at peace and that, how can we be able to just kind of let go and do what we can do? So that's kind of

Mike Banker:

I, from this little exercise, I realized, I'm more clever than I realized. What I mean is, I, I'm an event person. I really resist the kind the idea of watching the clock. I really don't like this idea of cuts. And and any of you worked with me probably know this already, but, but and yet I had to so I came up with the system.

Mike Banker:

My day has 3 3 hour blocks, 1 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and 1 at night. The time in between those blocks doesn't exist. There's nothing in the spaces between my 3 3 hour blocks. And what I mean by that is there's nothing I have to do. There's no sense of time pressure in between those three blocks of time.

Mike Banker:

And so this is my way to, take an event driven person. There's 3 events a day that are 3 hours each, teaching or training or sessions, generally. Now there's some other kinds of boxes on the scene now, but, I mean, blocks of time, some of those 3 hour blocks are used for other PR things. But, but the time in between those blocks are purposely unstructured. I don't look at a clock or anything, so I don't feel pressure in between those 3 3 hour blocks.

Mike Banker:

And so that's my clever. Isn't that clever?

Connie Smith:

Yes. I think it's very clever. Mainly because I found that that's exactly what I had to do. And, therefore, I could focus because I could set everything else aside. I could focus for that period of time on what was assigned to that period of time.

Mike Banker:

Yeah.

Connie Smith:

Because the other one would would be taken care of in their time.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm. So

Connie Smith:

I gave tremendous amount of angst with all these hats I'm wearing or was wearing.

Mike Banker:

Right. That's how I came to peace, a place of of of peace, as they have it. So I didn't feel time pressure all day every day. That's how I came to peace with it then.

Connie Smith:

And, Carmen, just just to say to you again, the reason I started thinking about where you are coming from is because I noticed that you were not at peace, that you were struggling, and trying to find out where those struggles were. And that's why I started observing you more particularly. Okay? It was out of care for you, not out of a judgment of you. Does that make sense?

Cindy:

Yeah. Thank you. Follow-up bug.

Mike Banker:

Okay.

Vivian:

No. Well, how I how I understand, this whole, continuum and also these basic motivations is it's it's not a box. It's not a theory of theology to discuss and talk about. I'm this. I I he's that.

Vivian:

Because I noticed what Connie have been doing the whole time through the 6 continuum, it's always like, oh, you are aware of, you know, you are this side or that side. And think of another person because, basically, there's a whole way there's a whole model, the goal, how I understand. And please correct me if I'm wrong, that this is a whole goal. The core, it's how to work, hummusly.

Mike Banker:

Harmless. Yep. I'm

Vivian:

not even how's that word? Like, hamo

Connie Smith:

Harmonious. Yeah. I need to Yeah.

Vivian:

Harmonious. Like With the team, with the people that you love, or you're supposed to serve and care and supposed to, you know, bring together to, you know, to work together. So it's always, like, with the other person, you know, that the the constant question asked in our time is like, oh, with the knowledge or with the awareness that you are this side and the other person's that side, how are you gonna approach that person? You know, what might be the conflicts? You know, It's the whole time, so very practically how to work with other people.

Vivian:

But instead of, like, okay, sometimes I might present this. You know? But some other times, I might do that because of the the circumstances, because of my mood or whatsoever. But the whole point is, you know, in a teen setting, a marriage setting, parenting setting, and roommate setting, and all this, you know, if we if I'm aware, I might be this, my I might be disorientated, or the other part, it's might be the opposite orientated, then how do we work together? How do we communicate?

Vivian:

How do we understand the other part? You know, how do we approach the other person? You know? And the whole goal is about how to serve God and how to how to serve God by submitting to other people instead of thinking, oh, I'm this. This is important for me.

Vivian:

Therefore, bang. You know? I'm gonna run over to whoever who's in my way. They're pursuing, you know, event orientated. I'm selective and this and that.

Vivian:

So this is my understanding. It's like, you know, my where I fit in, this is might be my, casual a little bit, and also holism, which is, you know, I might present myself at, you know, holism, holistic. But I might present myself a dichotomist at other point. But that's not the point. But the point is when I'm working with people, am I living out my uniqueness and my differences, but to pursue god's goal and plan in the setting of me working with these people.

Vivian:

This is my understanding.

Connie Smith:

That puts an awful lot of stress. Okay? So this is not about whether I am where I am on this continuum helps me be more obedient to God.

Michelle:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

That is not the point. The point is, what am I comfortable with in working with people? Mhmm. Do I need to be highly prepared to satisfy my heart? Do I need to be highly prepared?

Connie Smith:

And then the second question is what do the people that I'm talking to, what do they need to receive what I'm trying to tell them? This is not about service to God. Now we can miss out on service to God when we unwittingly take things into our own hands. But you can do that from anywhere on the continuum. Okay?

Connie Smith:

So none of these things are value judgments. It's in a so that you can understand where you are. And as Mike said, what can I do if I'm here and they're there or vice versa? What can I do to clear the way for to relate to them so that they can hear what I'm trying to convey?

Mike Banker:

It's kind of like an act of love, isn't it?

Connie Smith:

It is. If you don't love people, you're not gonna be concerned about the other person at all. You're gonna just get on with with your own orientation, and you're not even thinking about it or thinking about how it affects somebody else.

Mike Banker:

But I I like my orientation.

Connie Smith:

I know, and it's very important to you. But more than more than the importance of where you are and your understanding of that and this is who I am, more important to you, Mike, is that you care about people enough that you want to be able to communicate with them, and that communication needs to be in a way they can receive.

Mike Banker:

You think it would help in my marriage?

Connie Smith:

Oh my goodness. Let's see. Would it help to know where my wife is coming from?

Mike Banker:

Okay. I think that's the answer. Right?

Connie Smith:

The one thing Richard and I were opposite. There were times, particularly in those early years, where he was under tremendous amount of stress. I could understand that, but there were many, many, many times when he really, by what he said or the way he said it, cut me to the quick. Cut me to the quick. And I would be very, very hurt.

Connie Smith:

But when I came to truly believe that Richard would never, ever, ever do anything consciously do anything that he thought would hurt me. I could take care of these things with maybe just a Band Aid, or maybe it was just a little pinprick and I could just let it go. I didn't have to have all this angst and be upset and hurt and have to go through the whole process of accusing and forgiving and all of that. I didn't have to. They were not major surgery kind of problems because I knew his motivation.

Connie Smith:

I remember one time calling in and asking for a prayer, and this was my statement. I feel that I am walking on eggshells that are filled with nitroglycerin. Okay? And that was because of where we were coming from on the continuum, and what he was saying, doing, came out in such harsh ways that it just hurt me to the quick. But when I figured out that he would not intentionally hurt me, then I might even have to accuse him and forgive him, but it wouldn't be for some deep, deep, deep issue.

Connie Smith:

Okay? Okay. Now long before I ever heard about, one more story, one more personal story. I do not have never found it difficult. I mean, I can remember, when my dad was off to the service, and he put me in charge of my mother and my and my little brother.

Connie Smith:

And, we had to be apart till my mother got us settled and blah blah blah blah. And then there came a a a point where, I so taking care of my mother, I never shared anything with her. So I became very, very self sufficient. K? I became, very casual in that, something needed to be done.

Connie Smith:

At 9 years old, for instance, I was on the radio every week, reading poet reading Christian, Christian radio Christian program in which I was reading poetry. Well, okay. I wanted a bicycle, so I went out and found a job when I was between 8 and 9, and I raised enough money to buy my bicycle because there was no money in the house, so on and so forth. So now, I'm going along, and so I can do that. I also don't have any problem working with people as long as we're all working together.

Connie Smith:

But when I graduated from college, I was chosen as the women's class speaker. Now this is an important position because I'm representing representing all of the women in my class. So, I was assigned a very, very dichotomistic, professor, who was my mentor in this. And so, after work, I would drive the hour to where she was, and she would tear apart my speech and and all of this. Okay.

Connie Smith:

Then she passed away, and the next one I got was a new professor who was very, very, very dichotomistic and his his, degree was in speech whatever that meant And so, he had all the ways I should fix this speech and all of that So, the day came of graduation and I'm in my robe, and we've now marched up on there. And because I'm one of the speakers, I'm sitting, in in the the the front row on the stage, blah blah blah. So when it was time for me to give my speech, I opened the bulletin where I had put my speech, and it was gone. It was gone. It wasn't there.

Connie Smith:

So you were speechless. I was speechless, absolutely speechless. Yes. Well, what am I going to do? No matter what my orientation is, what am I going to do?

Connie Smith:

Say, sorry, folks. I can't I can't give this speech because I've lost my notes. So what did I do? I never let anybody know I'd lost my notes. And I got up and I give a gave a speech.

Connie Smith:

I don't know how it compared to the other because I never ever did find my notes or my speech. Year. Okay? I got up computer file. Speech careful.

Connie Smith:

Now, Richard, at that point in time, would have found it very, very, very difficult to have given this speech without notes, without great preparation, maybe without memorizing.

Mike Banker:

So, Connie, were you so casual that you did you ever even think about I don't need notes?

Connie Smith:

No. Oh, this? Okay. No. And with these 2 dichotomy careful people who were insisting that my new things had to be all laid out, it was all laid out.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Connie Smith:

-But the thing that I'm trying to say is that it is not a value judgment on my character on whether I gave this speech or not gave this speech. What it was is that it was easier for me to give this this speech off the top of my head than it would have been for Richard because he was more careful and I was more casual. That had nothing to do with our walk with God. Okay, granted I was walking in the power of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit helped me and all that, but he also did that for Richard. Okay?

Connie Smith:

So the orientation is not a value judgment. It's not a character judgment. It just gives kind of an idea on where you are so that at times when you need to adapt it, you have control enough of it to do so. Most of the time, it will just simply flow naturally out of you. But if you're struggling with something, why am I struggling?

Connie Smith:

And now we have a tool to look at to see where on this might I be struggling. My struggle may be something totally different than any of these continuums.

Michelle:

Yeah. I think, you know, most people are familiar with the introverted, extroverted. Right. Similar, but this set gives you more category, more to to become more aware of how we operate Mhmm. Naturally.

Michelle:

So just a tool to understand better.

Connie Smith:

You're right. An introverted person doesn't have to be all left sided.

Mike Banker:

Right.

Michelle:

I I think sometimes even just with one that one in the continuum into, the introvert or extroverted could help many people to understand how they relate to each other. And Right. With this this set of tools, even more.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Okay.

Michelle:

This is very helpful.

Mike Banker:

Well, I think I've been judging people on these things until it's class. I think. That's very helpful.

Connie Smith:

But this has nothing to do with their walk with the Lord. It has nothing to do with a judgment as to their character.

Mike Banker:

I had everything to do with those things, Connie, until this class. That was my point.

Michelle:

Okay. I I think it's so true, especially when it's not the same as our own orientation. Yes. Our flesh quickly judge, like, this is not right. This is not right.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. Clearly, what I do is right. And so if they're not doing the same, it must be wrong. I mean

Connie Smith:

Mhmm. There you go.

Mike Banker:

That was my model until you came along with this basic motivation thing.

Donna Marcue:

Yeah. You wrapped it through.

Connie Smith:

I'm so glad that I was able to present to you a a tool that helps you leave judgment aside.

Mike Banker:

Yes. Me too.

Connie Smith:

A judgment on a person's character is not a godly thing.

Mike Banker:

I kinda knew that, but I didn't know what to do with it.

Connie Smith:

Okay. Time's up. Now I do want you to know that you all have my email, and you all have access to me through Zoom and WhatsApp and, about everything else out there. Mhmm. I'm not an expert in using any of it, but I am available.

Connie Smith:

If you have questions or if you need help in an area when you're dealing with someone, I have no problem. No problem. Okay?

Mike Banker:

I have one request. If you contact Connie, just push the record button. Okay. All these things come streaming out. Live.

Mike Banker:

Out of Connie's mouth and and there may be things that she shares that would be helpful for others. Now I know there's, you know, there may be confidential things you don't want to do. Yes. Yeah. But just hit the

Michelle:

record button. So just

Mike Banker:

in case, we decide you decide. Because I can't tell you how many times I said, oh, I wish I had pushed the record button.

Donna Marcue:

Okay. Or, technically, challenged people like me, what do you mean? On a phone?

Mike Banker:

If you're if you're on Zoom is what I'm talking about. Oh, Zoom.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Zoom just Oh, if

Donna Marcue:

you're on Zoom. Is it here?

Mike Banker:

Zoom is on the far right. There's 3 dots are under more, and it says record. Now it may not show it on yours because you're,

Donna Marcue:

Mine does say record.

Mike Banker:

I'm the host. But if you're hosting a meeting with Connie, hit record. That's

Connie Smith:

my suggestion.

Donna Marcue:

Can't do it on the phone. No.

Mike Banker:

You can if you're using Zoom on your phone.

Connie Smith:

No. Well, you can on your phone if you hit record. That's why, phone calls can be recorded.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. I'm not as familiar on the phone on how to do that, but Well,

Connie Smith:

I've never used it, but, that's how all these criminals are caught often because they've tapped into their phone.

Mike Banker:

Well, our motivation's a little Darn it. After Connie the criminal were.

Connie Smith:

All right, my dear ones. I love you dearly. And anything I can be of help, I'm very glad to. I'm thrilled Beyond Major, for all of you that did attend this. And, for those of you that have been able to be to all of us, that's great.

Connie Smith:

For those of you that haven't, I hope that you will find the time to finish listening and get at least an acquaintance with all of the continuums and how they even might fit together.

Mike Banker:

And I I have a request is that you guys are the containers of basic motivation.

Connie Smith:

Yes.

Mike Banker:

And so, I really wanna encourage you to train others.

Connie Smith:

But before you can train them, use it on yourself and use it on others so that you got it.

Mike Banker:

Mhmm. So I'm I'm going to be asking you to come train online. That'll be at some point here, so start using it so that you feel more confident in training others. And, but this is such a great tool. We really need to get this out there, I think, to to others.

Mike Banker:

So, really think about, you know, training. And I used the word training, meaning that may not be a classroom kind of setting, it might just be 1 on 1. But the key thing is people are not going to catch this by just watching a series of videos.

Connie Smith:

No.

Mike Banker:

No. So they they need a trainer, somebody they can talk to. They may watch a a bit of video, but they need somebody to talk about to talk about it with. And, so anyway, just be thinking about others. We really need to get this out to others too.

Mike Banker:

So and there's even a list already of people that want the videos from this class, which I'll send out a separate email on that. And

Connie Smith:

Tom. And just remember that, like all of this other, it may be too much for them to listen to a 3 hour video because of their life, schedule. So I would suggest that when you're if you're going to do this, that you do one side of the continuum each lesson and that after they have watched the Zoom and asked, that they ask questions pertaining to in your discussion, it's pertaining to that side of the continuum. And the next day so instead of going through this in 6 times together, you're gonna go through it at least 12 times together. Does that make sense?

Mike Banker:

Right.

Connie Smith:

Is that an order? No. I was gonna say yes, ma'am. A strong suggestion.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. And the syllabus needs some some cleanup. You saw that some typos and things, and so I'll be working on that too to get it all spiffed up. It's a few pagination problems and some other typo kind of things. So

Connie Smith:

And just so you all know, Mike and Donna are now part of the board of director directors for Cross Resources.

Michelle:

Name?

Connie Smith:

Mike is now the executive director of prayer res at least as far as prayer resolution goes. Okay?

Mike Banker:

You have

Connie Smith:

the full.

Mike Banker:

Beautiful. Yeah. Well, I'm I'm

Vivian:

Power that you have, Mike.

Mike Banker:

What's that?

Vivian:

Power that you have.

Mike Banker:

Oh, yes. Power. Take over the world now.

Donna Marcue:

You're gonna come direct now? I just have

Cindy:

to convince,

Mike Banker:

Donna to to run along with this idea of taking North World.

Connie Smith:

Well, and Donna is at a place in her life now where she can begin to do some more of these kind of things.

Donna Marcue:

Yeah. Finally.

Connie Smith:

Mhmm. There was several years there where she was too tied up with other responsibilities. Alright. And I have stepped down from the board, and I have stepped down, from the executive director. But I still maintain voice, but no vote.

Connie Smith:

But I feel that this is, God saying, you know, turn this over to other people. I want you you need to do this in the beginning with Richard gone, but now we've got Mike and whatnot too and Donna who are willing to do do this. And we had, 2 other people, back out of, being on the board for health reasons. And both of those had been on the board since about 1997 when the Cross Resources was started. And, but I think God is saying to me, get out of all these hats and just carry your hat of mentor.

Mike Banker:

Yeah. I think, Connie, you have a great voice and everybody wants to hear your voice and I I I hope it allows you to focus on, like you said, mentoring and just spending this the time with with people. I mean, that you're such a blessing.

Connie Smith:

Well, that sounds like an awful lot of, status given.

Mike Banker:

Well, I don't know. You've got a lot of gray hair, so maybe there's some status earned in there too.

Michelle:

That's what I was gonna say.

Connie Smith:

Anyway

Michelle:

Thank you very much, Connie.

Connie Smith:

Well, you're very welcome. And just God bless each of you as you walk on in this and in other things that God is asking of you to do. He's given, you know, too much, to those given much, much is required.

Donna Marcue:

Mhmm.

Connie Smith:

And he's giving you 2 really good tools here. And, so it's kind of up to you and him what you do with them. Yeah. And, of course, it thrills my heart to know and when you do do something and I find out about it.

Mike Banker:

So don't be bashful if you've done something. Tell Connie. Tell

Connie Smith:

me. Right. You don't have to tell it to me in pride, but tell me your experience. Tell me if you felt comfortable doing it and you had success or that you didn't have success in this area, and this is maybe why not. And that's all what mentors do.

Connie Smith:

They listen.

Mike Banker:

Okay. Well, I think we'll stop there for today then. And, would you like to close us in prayer?

Connie Smith:

Vivian, why don't you do that?

Vivian:

I want to do that.

Vivian:

Okay. Yeah. Heavenly father, thank thank you. Thank you for this, wonderful hours and very rich moments and wisdom and experiences and knowledge from you that we all of us here, including Cindy and Gala, that we're so blessed and to receive this. And, father, I really pray that, you continue to bless these little seeds that already in our heart, and I pray that You would help us to be faithful and carry this on, because we know it's a huge need that for marriage, for families, for teams, for organizations, for your churches, that how we can work together.

Vivian:

How do we demonstrate our love in actions, and being flexible, and being adaptable, and being, submissive, out of the reverence of Christ to each other. And, father, I pray for Connie. I'm thankful for her her time, her wisdom, and everything that she is, yeah, that she continue to pour out in our lives and in many more people's lives, that you will bless her. And you also help us and show us, what to do with this, treasure. And also prepare us into the do the good work that ahead of us with this, wisdom and, great tools, and things that we can share with more people.

Vivian:

Thank you, father. And bless this recording as

Connie Smith:

well.

Vivian:

Yeah. We'll grow more seeds and and become bring a much much bigger blessings to many more generations to come. Thank you. That you love us, and you show us how to love. And in Jesus' name I pray.

Connie Smith:

Amen. Amen.

Mike Banker:

Amen. Okay. Thanks everybody.

Connie Smith:

Yeah. Love you both, all, everyone, everyone. And I appreciate where you are on the continuums because that's okay. Alright, dears. Love you so much.

Connie Smith:

Bye bye.

Michelle:

Bye. Have a good day and good night.

Vivian:

And good night to to Stone and Carmen. Yes.

Michelle:

Good night.

Connie Smith:

Bye.