Are you ready to take the steps necessary to thrive? Join us every episode as host Adam Gragg discusses what is holding us back and how to move forward with purpose, along the way developing healthy relationships and navigating life transitions while overcoming fear, stress and anxiety. Adam is a family therapist, mental health professional and life coach, helping individuals and organizations find the transformational clarity that unleashes hope. Live the life you want, the legacy you decide.
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Adam Gragg: [00:00:00] I'm an Oakland a baseball fan, and I'm a University of Oregon football fan. Really anything. University of Oregon, cuz I'm an alum, I'm a fan, but I'm not a fanatic. I'm not fanatical about it. Now we in Wichita, Kansas have some fanatical Kansas City Chiefs fans, and [00:01:00] it's a little bit different to being a fan and fanatical.
Interestingly enough, my phone is named, my iPhone is. Named the Web Foot, which the web foot's the original name for the Oregon Ducks. It was the Oregon Web Foots who did win the National Championship first ever basketball national Championship team in 1939. But it was the web foots and my wifi is called Oregon Duck Fan.
I did celebrate Wyndham Clark winning the US Open, who's an alum as well, but I'm not fanatical. Welcome to the Decide Your Legacy podcast, the latest episode of the Decide Your Legacy podcast. Today we're gonna be talking to you about one small, massive fanatical change and five steps to making it.
And I'm gonna talk about the difference between being a fan and fanatical. You wanna be fanatical to change. If you found this podcast helpful, subscribe so you'll never miss another podcast episode. And if you've ever gotten anything outta the decide Your Legacy podcast, pull out your phone. Take 15 seconds, give us a rating and review on Apple, [00:02:00] Google, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast content.
Hundreds of you are listening to this episode who have never given it a review. It helps the podcast to grow organically cuz it shows up in people's feeds on those platforms so it can reach and help more people, something uncomfortable. I did recently, and I share this with you because I wanna challenge you to do uncomfortable things.
Nothing is more important. Not much is more important to good mental health than facing your fears and not much is more damaging. Then playing it safe. So what I did is I owed a few people some money, and they may have thought I even forgot about it, but I paid off some debts that I had to people that I promised to get a project done by a certain date.
And so that was something I didn't want to do, but I knew it was the right thing to do and I went ahead and did it, and that was uncomfortable. I reached out to somebody that. I didn't treat well a year ago and I apologized. That was uncomfortable. I'm Adam Gragg. I'm your host. I'm a legacy coach, speaker, mental health professional for almost 25 years, and I talk about stuff that you can describe to your six year old child and they're gonna actually [00:03:00] grasp the concepts.
I'm a fellow traveler, so I talk about things I struggle with myself. You know, I maybe struggle with these things more than most of my listeners, possibly. I make this podcast for me and for you. And I challenge you to listen, not just as a student, but as a teacher, that you're gonna teach some insight from the day to somebody else in the next 24 hours.
This is the podcast that you do not just listen to. It's a podcast of action. So let's start with an action. What is one small yet? I say small, but small changes make massive changes over long term. We're talking about the long game. Two years from now, something bigger, a longer vision. So what's a small change that you keep putting off something you know you really want, but you make excuses for not actually doing it.
So maybe you want to work out more or lose weight, or have new friends or less sugar. Be more assertive. Maybe you wanna be more encouraging or less defensive. What is something that you want [00:04:00] less critical? Write that down. Right now we're speaking into your phone. You can change these small changes that we make, they have a huge impact on other changes that we make in our lives they're small, yet they're massive.
Because you think long term, 1% better is gonna mean a significant improvement over three months every day. And. Only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday, not other people, not what you think you should be doing, not improvements you should, you think you should be making. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Are you making those changes? So let's go through five steps you can take to make this one small. Fanatical, massive fanatical change. Now, definition of fanatical, first of all, is somebody who is single-minded in their zeal and excessive. And so I've seen some Kansas City chiefs decorated trucks in this town that I would say are excessive.
I mean, every inch of that truck is something representing the Kansas City Chiefs. I can almost guarantee if they lose that, that person [00:05:00] is gonna be really frustrated and. Sometimes the town is so quiet in Wichita when the chiefs are playing that I, and I am not a fanatical fan. I mean, I watch some of the games and everything, but I sometimes think, well, I better not be out on the road if they lose, because you're probably gonna be dealing with some people that are pretty angry.
You know, it kind of intimidates me a little bit cuz there's some serious fans here, but that's how you want to go about making these small changes because you know, and you've procrastinated and for some reason it hasn't worked. You've wanted to make this change. It's been on your mind for a long time, but you haven't done anything about it.
You just keep putting it off, putting it off, making excuses. Becoming a fanatical is excessive. You know, I'm gonna get this done no matter what. I am committed. You know the word decide. I chose for my business. Decide your legacy for a reason. Decide means to commit. It means to choose in advance.
It's more than just something Something light. You know, it's more than just like a, a, maybe it's a commitment. There has to [00:06:00] be significant different information for you not to do what you've decided to do. And that makes you careful on the decisions that you make. It makes you think through the decisions that you make.
Cuz you're saying that I'm making a decision and this means it's, I'm gonna do this. This is a commitment, this is a promise to myself. But this is a promise to somebody else. This is serious. You know, I'm getting married here, I'm having a child, I'm starting a business, I'm taking a new job. I'm not, Gonna leave and quit.
I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna give it a hundred percent. So the first thing here is what is something specifically that you want? What do you want? That's one of the most powerful, valuable questions you'll ever ask yourself. And few dare to actually answer it honestly. What specifically do you want?
Describe clearly in a way, write it down clearly in a way for yourself that you can describe it to your six year old child, and they're gonna understand, for example, I want to not drink alcohol or use nicotine for seven days. I mean, these are just examples I've heard from clients. I want to drink 64 ounces of water each day for the next seven days.
I'm not saying these [00:07:00] are mine. These are clearly written, specific things that people want in their lives. I wanna get out at 5:30 AM each day. For the next seven days. I wanna go to bed at 10:00 AM each day for the next seven days. I want to ask a clarifying question. I. Of somebody every time I feel defensive every, every time.
I wanna defend myself for the next seven days. I wanna follow my diet for the next seven days. So that one thing may seem small if you do it for seven days, but actually doing that for seven days is gonna force you in a way to do other things differently in your life as well. Because if you go to bed at 10:00 PM every night, it's gonna force you actually to get up earlier, maybe not, but most likely your biological clock, you know, your things are going to, things are gonna change and you're gonna want to get up a little bit earlier.
So number two. Massive. Massive fanatical change, one small, massive fanatical change. How are you gonna feel after doing it for seven days, 168 hours? [00:08:00] You know, my daughter Emerson told me on our trip to Italy, she said, dad, I love running cuz I love how I feel after I run, but I don't like the initial feeling when I run.
Or she even expressed she really didn't enjoy running at all the whole time. But she just loves how she feels when she's done and I know how she feels when she's done. I mean, she is happy, excited, feels good about herself. She glows, but. She doesn't focus, or maybe she does more now, I believe she actually does more now.
But if we focus on how we are going to feel after we achieve that goal, it's gonna help us to be motivated towards doing that thing for seven days straight. And that's what we're talking about here, doing something for seven days straight. So you may wanna give yourself a reward, but it's really interesting to me that most of our positive remo emotions that we feel are directly related to pursuing a goal.
Consistently and doing something uncomfortable in our lives, taking a risk and actually doing it. Reflect on that for a second. Most of the positive emotions that you feel are a result of doing something uncomfortable and actually pursuing a goal in your life, how are you gonna feel? I want you to focus on that and [00:09:00] even write that down.
How are you gonna feel? Excited, happy, fun. I mean, you know, joyful. You know, whate energized. So if you found this podcast helpful so far, hit the link to shatterproof yourself. Seven Small Steps to take a giant leap in your mental health. You don't wanna miss that, and you only will get that as a subscriber.
Number three. What are the biggest obstacles to you getting this done, and what is your plan to overcome those obstacles? So some of the biggest obstacles for people are a negative self-concept. In some fashion they believe they're unlovable, helpless, or unworthy, and it's the worst outcome focused, often impacted by trauma in their past that they believe is gonna repeat it self in their lives.
So what are those obstacles for you? I had a client that was in a bad car accident and haven't, hadn't driven for five years in her forties. She hadn't driven but wanted to start driving. It was limiting her life. That was what she clearly wanted. What I did is I took her through some questions here because she was afraid.
I asked her first, what are you afraid of here? And she was afraid of having a panic attack [00:10:00] and, and freezing up or getting stuck in a store that she drove out to or being in embarrassed in her life. And so I asked her, is it true? And she said, well, it sure feels true. Then I asked her a second question, can I absolutely a hundred percent know it's true?
She said, no, I can't. A hundred percent. Maybe I could make it. How does it benefit? You to think this? I asked her and then she was able to, to see how it keeps her safe. By not trying, who would you be? How would you think, act or feel if you didn't have that thought and she was able to identify that? She would probably try.
She would probably train, I'm using the word train instead of try. Language is important. She'd probably train, she'd probably do it. Small, incremental steps. And then what's a healthier perspective? I asked her and she said that I could go to the store every day. That's close to my house with a close friend for seven days, I could see her light up.
So what's the biggest obstacle for you? And then how are you gonna overcome that obstacle? If it's getting up in the morning, maybe you get. An alarm clock without a snooze button. I think that would be a good thing to have. So I don't know if they make those. I'd imagine that they actually do. What do you need to do to overcome that obstacle?
If you're gonna make [00:11:00] excuses, how are you gonna replace that with focusing on, maybe it's focusing on how you're gonna feel when you're done, or maybe's focusing on how you've overcome certain things in the past. How are you gonna do that? Maybe it's talking to a friend, calling a friend. That's the way you're gonna overcome that.
Biggest obstacle. Number four, what's a trigger? We're talking about a good trigger here, so, There's bad triggers that can happen emotionally, and we can make really stupid decisions when our emotions take over. You know, we can cut corners, we can quit stuff, we can quit jobs, we can buy stuff that we can't afford.
Those are all triggers that we end up engaging in that aren't really healthy. Positive triggers. When something happens in your life and you have a specific response to that thing, you can call it an if then plan. If this happens, then I'm gonna do this. And so tie that to one, to that thing you wanna do for seven days that you're committing to.
So if. It's a new day. I go to an AA meeting because I wanna stop drinking. You know, that's something that somebody has said as a goal client, if it's a new day, I wanna go to 90 meetings in 90 days. That's a really healthy [00:12:00] thing for people that are trying to stop drinking. So if I get up in the morning, I drink 32 ounces of water.
When I get up in the morning, I don't hit the snooze button. That can be a goal. So you have an if then plan, and then the fifth thing is who can support you? You don't wanna keep these types of things, secrets from your good friends, let 'em know. That you're doing this, it's gonna take being vulnerable, it's gonna take actually opening up and even sharing when you fail and starting over when you fail.
And that's one thing I would encourage you to do is if you're gonna commit to seven days doing something, is if you take one day off, you gotta start back over at the very beginning. So there's no room for you to say, I can't do it today. We're not talking about maybe life changing things. I mean, we are, we are talking about life changing things.
We're not talking about life altering things. It's not gonna take you the whole day. Many of these actions, maybe you want to cut back on sugar and it's simply gonna be something that you have to spend some energy into your diet. But you know, then you get off of it for one day. Well, you gotta go back and redo those seven days.
Who can support you? So [00:13:00] are there friends? Is there a business support group? Is there somebody that can hold you accountable? Can you tell your kids? Can you tell your spouse? Who are you gonna talk to about it? We don't want to keep secrets when it comes to changing things in our lives. Don't let shame, don't let fear keep you from telling those people that will support you.
Certainly be wise, don't tell it to unsafe people, but share it with somebody. Share it with some different people. So let's go ahead and recap these actions, and I want you to think about something, some insight from today that you wanna apply to your life. So number one, to make one small, massive.
Fanatical change in your life. So number one, what specifically do you want? Clarify it clearly. How will you, number two, how will you feel after doing this for seven full days? How will you feel? It's probably gonna be positive Number three. What's. What are the biggest obstacles to getting this done, and what's your plan for overcoming those obstacles?
Number four, what's a positive trigger that will keep you focused on this change that you're making for seven days? And who [00:14:00] can support you? Who can support me? And by the way, if you do this for seven full days, chances are you're gonna have the motivation and energy to see how beneficial it's been to make this one small change.
And it is small, but it's gonna be leading you to. Believing you can make massive change in your life cuz you've done one small thing in your life. So what resonated with you most from the day? Teach it to somebody in the next 24 hours. Take an emotional risk based on what you learned today and make that change and do it for seven days and let me know about it when you complete this task, Adam, at decide your legacy.com.
Remember my 20, I used to call this the 30 70 rule, but I have decided to call it the 2080 rule. 20% of transformational clarity and change. Is insight. You're gaining insight today, but 80% is action. Action is the most important thing. Take an action, even if it's an imperfect action, even if it's an unclear action, but you know it's the next right thing to do in your life.
80% is action. Have me out to speak live or over Zoom. Would love to connect with your team or [00:15:00] engage and engage with me or one of my other legacy coaches. We'd love to take you through your legacy journey coaching process, and I'm gonna sign off the way that I always do. Make it your mission to live the life now that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone, you decide your legacy.
No one else. I appreciate you greatly and I'll see you next time.