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What if control is not really about control at all, but about fear? In this episode of the Project Sisterhood Podcast, Chrissy Cole is joined by Caleb Cole for an honest conversation about surrender, insecurity, marriage, passivity, pride, and learning to trust God with the places we are tempted to control.
Chrissy shares openly about a season where fear and insecurity surfaced in her marriage, and how the question “then what?” helped her face what was really happening underneath. Together, Chrissy and Caleb talk about the illusion of control, the difference between leading and controlling, and how God uses uncomfortable seasons to bring healing, freedom, and deeper surrender.
— — — — — — — — — —
Chrissy shares openly about a season where fear and insecurity surfaced in her marriage, and how the question “then what?” helped her face what was really happening underneath. Together, Chrissy and Caleb talk about the illusion of control, the difference between leading and controlling, and how God uses uncomfortable seasons to bring healing, freedom, and deeper surrender.
— — — — — — — — — —
If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend and leave a review — it helps more women find Project Sisterhood 💛
🎧 Listen to Project Sisterhood:
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Instagram: @projectsisterhood
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Website: https://projectchurch.com
— — — — — — — — — —
- (00:00) - The Mother’s Day Instagram Confession
- (00:15) - Welcome to Project Sisterhood
- (00:44) - Caleb Joins the Sisterhood
- (01:24) - Why Control Was the Mother’s Day Topic
- (03:10) - Are Women Unfairly Labeled Controlling?
- (04:21) - Fear, Pride, Jezebel, and Ahab
- (06:14) - Passive Control and Emotional Shutdown
- (07:39) - When Men Do Not Lead
- (08:19) - How Do We Break Free From Control?
- (09:00) - Choosing a Posture of Surrender
- (10:17) - Comfort, Convenience, and the Illusion of Control
- (11:37) - Surrendering to God and Inviting Others In
- (13:30) - The Fear Underneath Control
- (14:00) - Chrissy’s Honest Marriage Insecurity Story
- (16:29) - The “Then What?” Question
- (19:00) - When New Seasons Reveal Hidden Insecurity
- (21:00) - How Insecurity Creates Control or Passivity
- (23:37) - Stop Hiding From Love
- (24:41) - Caleb’s Book Recommendation
- (25:51) - Breaking Free From Control
Creators and Guests
Host
Chrissy Cole
Chrissy’s parents moved to the U.S. from the Philippines in the late 70′s. She saw her parents both come to know the Lord at a young age. She and her family poured their lives into the local church and were changed by God. Chrissy attended Evangel University in Springfield, MO and earned a B.A. in Communications with an emphasis in Public Relations.
Guest
Caleb Cole
Caleb, a Sacramento native, grew up in a pastor’s home and is a third generation minister. At the age of 12, after one of his grandfather’s sermons, he felt a call from God to be a pastor. He consistently pursued that call throughout high school and college. Caleb attended Central Bible College in Springfield, MO where he earned a B.A. in Biblical Studies and went on to the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary where he earned an M.A. in Theological Studies.
What is Project Sisterhood?
Project Sisterhood is a podcast for women who want to grow in faith, find healthy community, and become who God created them to be.
Hosted by Chrissy Cole and the Project Church Sisterhood team, each episode brings honest conversations and biblical encouragement centered on identity, belonging, spiritual maturity, healing, relationships, and purpose.
With a mix of humor, vulnerability, and real-life wisdom, Project Sisterhood creates space for women in every age and stage to feel seen, strengthened, and connected—because you were never meant to do life alone.
00;00;00;08 - 00;00;02;17
Caleb Cole
I just realized I didn't post on Instagram.
00;00;02;17 - 00;00;05;25
Chrissy Cole
I didn't either. About you? Yeah. Oh, that's. That's fine.
00;00;05;26 - 00;00;06;19
Caleb Cole
On Mother's day.
00;00;06;20 - 00;00;15;21
Chrissy Cole
That's fine. I didn't even post my mom. My mom was in the audience preaching message, and I didn't even wish her a happy Mother's Day. Terrible.
00;00;15;23 - 00;00;44;26
Chrissy Cole
This is a Project sisterhood podcast for all things women, brother, youth, a purpose for ministry, motherhood for the marketplace. We have crucial and genuine conversations that transcend your season to impact your true identity as a woman. So light hearted. Possible. Honesty. Matters of the heart and soul to be encouraged. We hope you and all women of every age, at every stage, find life and freedom in Jesus and.
00;00;44;29 - 00;00;58;04
Chrissy Cole
Welcome back to the Project Sisterhood podcast. I'm Chrissy Cole, your host, and I'm so excited to have my husband join me. My man, my main squeeze. Want to introduce yourself?
00;00;58;06 - 00;01;03;04
Caleb Cole
We out here in the sisterhood. Stratosphere.
00;01;03;06 - 00;01;03;17
Chrissy Cole
Yes.
00;01;03;23 - 00;01;06;20
Caleb Cole
Hey, everybody, I'm Caleb Cole. Excited to be here.
00;01;06;24 - 00;01;24;18
Chrissy Cole
From time to time, we have the men join us. Actually, the last if you didn't watch, was with Gabby and Pastor Antonio Reyes. And so now we have the pleasure of having Pastor Caleb. And I just really wanted to give you an opportunity to explain yourself.
00;01;24;21 - 00;01;25;16
Caleb Cole
Explain myself?
00;01;25;17 - 00;01;26;14
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. You know.
00;01;26;15 - 00;01;27;17
Caleb Cole
I don't know what I'm explaining.
00;01;27;18 - 00;01;31;24
Chrissy Cole
And recently we had mother's day was a great Mother's Day celebration.
00;01;31;29 - 00;01;32;23
Caleb Cole
Happy mother's day.
00;01;32;24 - 00;01;43;18
Chrissy Cole
Loved it. Thank you. I felt celebrated. He got me a whole new golf outfit, outfit and took me to Mother's Day brunch. We played around a golf afterwards.
00;01;43;19 - 00;01;46;04
Caleb Cole
You know, I just realized I didn't post on Instagram.
00;01;46;05 - 00;01;47;05
Chrissy Cole
I didn't either.
00;01;47;06 - 00;01;48;00
Caleb Cole
About you?
00;01;48;01 - 00;01;48;26
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. Oh, that's.
00;01;48;26 - 00;01;50;06
Caleb Cole
That's fine. On Mother's Day.
00;01;50;07 - 00;02;21;07
Chrissy Cole
That's fine. I didn't even post my mom. My mom was in the audience preaching the message, and I didn't even wish her a happy Mother's Day. Terrible. But it's okay. But I want to give you an opportunity to explain yourself. So. Okay, if people didn't know when we choose preaching series out here for Project Church, our churches in downtown, downtown Sacramento, if you're listening from Not Around here and he chooses and leads the preaching team and the preaching calendar series.
00;02;21;07 - 00;02;28;26
Chrissy Cole
And so talk to me about what your choice for topic was on Wednesday.
00;02;28;28 - 00;02;57;09
Caleb Cole
Well, we were naming chains in this series was called Name the Chain. And we were naming chains that have people bound. And one of the chains who I had, which I had predetermined, yes, we were going to cover, was control. And then when I laid out the schedule, it just so happened unintentionally, that Mother's Day happened to be the day that Chrissy got to preach on the chain.
00;02;57;11 - 00;02;58;12
Chrissy Cole
Chrissy got to.
00;02;58;13 - 00;03;10;13
Caleb Cole
Preach of control and we dealt with control issues. Yeah, it was not intentionally directed towards women or you at all. I thought you were great person to preach on it.
00;03;10;13 - 00;03;31;01
Chrissy Cole
But then again, I thought about this because it was a funny joke to make. But I'm like, why? In any part of my heart was I little, like, wait, what control on Mother's Day? And I realized there was a little trigger because for all of history, women have been accused of being control freaks.
00;03;31;02 - 00;03;32;01
Caleb Cole
Jezebel spirit.
00;03;32;02 - 00;03;48;06
Chrissy Cole
Jezebel spirit. You go back to Eve, made the first sin, blah blah blah, all the things. And so there's probably a little trigger in my heart that I worked past very quickly because truly it is an issue. Control is an issue of humanity.
00;03;48;10 - 00;03;54;05
Caleb Cole
Yeah. As I say, it's not just a woman thing. Absolutely not a man thing too. It just happened to fall on Mother's Day.
00;03;54;07 - 00;03;54;26
Chrissy Cole
It did.
00;03;54;28 - 00;03;58;01
Caleb Cole
And it was unintentional.
00;03;58;03 - 00;04;21;20
Chrissy Cole
It was so funny. I did love that. It fell on that day, and it was a powerful Sunday to really talk and name that chain, because when we when we were preparing this message, I could find the root of a lot of these chains were rooted in control because control is rooted in fear. You know, you can dispute that or not.
00;04;21;20 - 00;04;33;26
Chrissy Cole
But theologically, I wouldn't say always that all control is rooted out of only fear. But yeah, yeah, it's definitely the root of a lot, you know, fear, pride.
00;04;34;02 - 00;05;02;27
Caleb Cole
Yeah. I'll just say it's it's typically fear or pride, right. If you think of, you know, in the instance of Jezebel, it was a pride issue. She thought she knew better, right. She wanted her God's over. You know, Yahweh, the God of Israel. And so, so out of pride and control, she sought to lead the nation down the path that she thought it should go, despite what her husband thought.
00;05;02;28 - 00;05;28;23
Caleb Cole
Right, right. And we battle, though ironically, I think that men do tend to deal more with the spirit of Ahab in a passive spirit, while his women tend to deal more. Now I'm speaking generalities, but but generally speaking, I think women deal more with a spirit of Jezebel and a controlling spirit than men do. And so that's just from my experience.
00;05;28;24 - 00;05;41;26
Caleb Cole
I'm not saying all women battle control issues and the spirit of Jezebel or all men battle, you know, passive issues in the spirit of Ahab. But I think generally speaking, we do bend that way.
00;05;42;02 - 00;05;52;08
Chrissy Cole
We've been that way. Although I would say in our experience as leaders, a part of this church, I think we've seen the spirit of Jezebel on men.
00;05;52;11 - 00;06;14;07
Caleb Cole
Like absolutely often. Yeah. And I'm saying, generally speaking now, there are times and instances, of course, where men can be more controlling. Women can be passive. Right. We see it emerges all the time. We counsel couples all the time. But I think as a generality, there's reasons that books have been written to men about the Ahab passive spirit.
00;06;14;08 - 00;06;41;14
Chrissy Cole
But what's interesting about women, when they're passive, I, I might push back on that a little bit or maybe look at it from another perspective. But I think there have been times where women have felt tired from probably controlling, tired from nagging to the place that they shut down. Yeah. And so while you think that you're not controlling anymore.
00;06;41;17 - 00;07;04;25
Chrissy Cole
There is a level of expectation, for instance, in a marriage where you shut down, you're almost like, well, maybe that will invite him in to be better. Instead of me telling him to become better or him to do something. And really, the root of that shut down emotionally. Not connecting, not initiating love. That could be even a form of control.
00;07;04;28 - 00;07;08;20
Caleb Cole
Absolutely. You can control in different ways. It's a manipulative way of controlling.
00;07;08;20 - 00;07;10;03
Chrissy Cole
Still, maybe the root.
00;07;10;05 - 00;07;39;11
Caleb Cole
It's a passive aggressive way of still controlling. Right. I mean, at the end of the day, all of us. Right. We will bend or have a tendency towards one one of the whether it be passivity or control, it's personality driven. It may be based on environment and your upbringing or what you saw modeled for you. I think that women do get accused of being Jezebel's and controlling simply because they're men are so passive they refuse to lead.
00;07;39;12 - 00;08;06;17
Caleb Cole
Now are they being Jezebel and controlling? No, but someone has to take the leadership reins. And if the man is just laissez faire, passive, never makes the decision, doesn't direct the family anywhere. Well, someone has to step up. So I think a lot of women who are accused of being controlling and Jezebel's it has been at the as a result of what their men have done and their husbands have done by not leading.
00;08;06;23 - 00;08;19;27
Caleb Cole
And so I do want to say that and just tell some of you women you're not being controlling by leading because your husband won't. You're actually just filling the void that he's created through his lack of direction.
00;08;19;28 - 00;08;46;10
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. So let's switch gears a little bit here. And what kind of steps do you think would help people move away from being controlling? And this is just to speak to maybe a man of faith who stumbled upon Project Sisterhood and actually saw you were on it. So they're listening, but also all the women. It's fine. Just how I mean, humanity, it's an issue.
00;08;46;11 - 00;09;00;10
Chrissy Cole
Our deepest need for control points to our deepest struggle with trusting God. And so there's got to be practical ways for us to move out of this, besides praying our way out of it, you know.
00;09;00;11 - 00;09;23;26
Caleb Cole
Well, I think it's choosing. You preach on it yesterday. I think it's choosing a posture of surrender. Yeah, like it has to start there. Then I'm surrendered to the Lord what he wants. I'm surrendered to his direction and. And what his will is for my life over what I have predetermined. I'm praying what Jesus prayed. Right. Your will be done.
00;09;23;27 - 00;09;45;18
Caleb Cole
Yeah. Not my will. Your will. Your kingdom come. And so, so it's a it's a posture that I think most of us struggle with because we want our will, we want our results, we want our goals to come to, to pass into fruition. But when I get to a space of surrender and go, hey, it doesn't mean I'm not going to work hard, doesn't mean I'm not going to labor.
00;09;45;18 - 00;10;07;25
Caleb Cole
It doesn't mean I'm not going to toil, doesn't mean I'm not pushing and going and doing. But I'm leaving the results up to God. I'm trusting him. I'm surrendered to what he wants for my life. Right? So it starts with humility and posturing yourself in a space and mindset of surrender to the Lord. And then I move forward.
00;10;07;25 - 00;10;17;05
Caleb Cole
And when he says stop, I stop right when he says other direction, I go the other direction, regardless of what I see for my life.
00;10;17;07 - 00;10;52;16
Chrissy Cole
Right? That's good. The propensity, I think, to just keep moving forward and keeping control and prioritizing your comforts, your your your prioritizing comfort. You prioritize convenience. You prioritize not being corrected. I think those are the areas that we need to look at, that we might need a surrender, because a lot of the times that we're looking for comfort and convenience or building a life that is protecting us from losing control.
00;10;52;16 - 00;11;29;26
Chrissy Cole
But surrender is losing control and giving control over to the person who has the ability to actually control. I love, as I was studying, that the secular world and the Christian world all agree that forms of control or mostly the illusion, it's an illusion. Yeah, and unless you go the route of Universalist who think that you can manifest everything and you can create your own, you know, your own future and get to your most ascended self, which we obviously don't believe in.
00;11;30;00 - 00;11;37;12
Chrissy Cole
But secular and Christian psychologists alike agree that we are normally chasing an illusion.
00;11;37;13 - 00;12;09;07
Caleb Cole
For sure. I mean, ultimately, don't you think that part of the control issues, yeah, I can render to the Lord, but I also have to be willing to invite others in with me. And I've seen people are like, I'm surrendered to the Lord, but they still dominate. Yes. Every environment, every relationship, their marriage, their spouse, their kids. And while I'm called to lead my home and I'm called to lead my children, I also want to lead with you.
00;12;09;08 - 00;12;33;16
Caleb Cole
Yeah, right. So I think the humility side. I'm surrendered to the Lord and I'm surrendered to being like him, which is a humble leader. Yeah. And a humble leader is going to listen. A humble leader is going to is going to take into account what others want, what others need. Right. And so it's the controlling people. They don't they're prideful.
00;12;33;20 - 00;12;54;21
Caleb Cole
They don't care what their spouse once. They don't care what their spouse needs, because ultimately it's all about what they want, what they need. And so pride will always lead you back to a place of control. And that's why surrender to the Lord is the first start. And that will begin the humility. But I've seen people go, oh, okay, I'm going to surrender to the Lord.
00;12;54;24 - 00;13;13;19
Caleb Cole
Well, the Lord hasn't told me that. So even though my spouse is asking me for something, I'm not going to do that. But it's like, wait, the Lord gave you that spouse? If you're humble, you prioritize them over you. You're dying to self the way Christ died for the church. That's the way we're supposed to lead our wives, right?
00;13;13;20 - 00;13;30;10
Caleb Cole
I'm going to actually live sacrificially for her. I'm not going to control to my desired result. I'm going to lead to what is for the flourishing and betterment of my spouse as well. And I think controlling people are prideful people, ultimately.
00;13;30;12 - 00;13;45;23
Chrissy Cole
Ultimately, and a lot of people are actually just masking some fears that they have. You know, the pride is often a mechanism to hide your struggle with a certain fear.
00;13;45;27 - 00;13;49;18
Caleb Cole
Tell tell them your illustration. Yesterday was great.
00;13;49;23 - 00;13;51;04
Chrissy Cole
Oh, you want me to repeat it? Yeah.
00;13;51;04 - 00;13;51;06
Caleb Cole
I.
00;13;51;06 - 00;13;53;04
Chrissy Cole
Think so.
00;13;53;06 - 00;14;00;11
Caleb Cole
Not everyone maybe was there watching. And they're watching this. So. So Chrissy talked about this, like her fear with me?
00;14;00;13 - 00;14;03;15
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. My fear, which.
00;14;03;15 - 00;14;04;09
Caleb Cole
I want this other.
00;14;04;09 - 00;14;27;11
Chrissy Cole
Job, I don't. Yeah. Let me give it a little bit more context. Caleb started working another job. For 13 years. We've worked side by side. We've built a culture. We've built an organization together. We've built a life that was very rhythmic, based off of what we've built. So when this other job came into play, he's starting to create a whole nother world outside of the world that I know.
00;14;27;11 - 00;14;53;19
Chrissy Cole
So when something is disrupting the world, you already know there is fear of the unknown. And other fears cropped up about my marriage. And I started thinking, maybe the only reason why our marriage was as strong as it is, is as strong as it is, is because it's been convenient for Caleb. It's been convenient for me. It's been a product of convenience.
00;14;53;22 - 00;15;23;22
Chrissy Cole
Convenience? I just made up a word. Convenience. Convenience. Yeah. And so I found myself as he was getting busier with phone calls and busier with traveling. I started becoming really insecure and I started thinking, oh, I'm just going to distance myself from him to ensure that he is intentional, because I know that intentionality makes a marriage strong. So I'm hoping that he will read my distance.
00;15;23;24 - 00;15;46;27
Chrissy Cole
But that's also so controlling. And then the fears just were magnified when I would hear him on a call with a female. I'm like, who the heck is this? I know all the females he meets with. I know all the women in our church prior. Mostly I know who he's meeting with and we in our church setting prioritize me meeting with the women and him meeting with the men.
00;15;46;27 - 00;16;09;10
Chrissy Cole
So when this woman's voice comes on, I'm so fearful and so probably within the span of five seconds, my brain went from, who is this girl? Oh my gosh, what if she's prettier than me? Oh my gosh, what if Caleb connects with her and he has to be intentional in his work, so he's going to spend more time there?
00;16;09;13 - 00;16;29;17
Chrissy Cole
Oh my gosh, what if this person ends up being somebody that he becomes attracted to and then he has this secret relationship with. And then my gosh, then we might have to separate. And then I went so quick within these five seconds to then we're going to get divorced. And then my kids are going to got to meet her.
00;16;29;18 - 00;16;47;25
Chrissy Cole
And that's horrible. Our marriage and our family is broken apart. And I was like that. And then the Lord said, then what? Every time I thought of a new scenario and built off the scenario, he kept on saying, then what? Then what, then what? And then I, he said, then what? I go, and then my kids like her more than they like me.
00;16;47;27 - 00;17;04;14
Chrissy Cole
And so then what I'm like. Then I'll be devastated. Then what? Then I'll be in the prayer room crying my face off every day. Then what? I probably won't work at the church anymore because I'm so sad and I'm so my life has been blown up. Then what? Then went, then went. And at the very end of then what it was like.
00;17;04;16 - 00;17;27;08
Chrissy Cole
Then there was God. Then there's Jesus there, meeting with me. We're ready to redeem the life that felt like it just got blown up. And so at the end of every single one of our fears, when we live a surrendered life, we see that the end is always Jesus. He's always there. He's always faithful. He's ready to redeem.
00;17;27;08 - 00;17;48;21
Chrissy Cole
He's ready to maybe reconcile. He's ready to do what only he can do. So may as well maybe face your fears and acknowledge that Jesus is going to be at the end of every one of those fears. And, you know, this was in a time of struggle. This is at a time of something new, where there was a fear of the unknown.
00;17;48;21 - 00;18;11;25
Chrissy Cole
And so I'm not saying that I chased down every fear, because that can be. If I had more time to talk about this on Sunday morning, I would have said that could be a dangerous place where you spiral and you're like chasing every single fear. The goal is that you would get quicker to living a life surrendered in him, so that those fears don't even pop up, and you don't have to chase them that far.
00;18;11;29 - 00;18;15;19
Chrissy Cole
Does that make sense? Yeah. So yeah, that was my example. If you wanted me.
00;18;15;19 - 00;18;19;21
Caleb Cole
To share. And then you also said. And then what? And then Caleb's dead because I killed him.
00;18;19;21 - 00;18;32;20
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. No, I said, then he'll die. I guess some accident might happen. And my best friends have told me, you know, they'll just say what body, they'll say what body?
00;18;32;22 - 00;19;00;05
Caleb Cole
And then what? No. That's good. I mean, I think the the fears are real and fear will make us be controlling. Yeah. So I think identifying it, you know, and the fact that it was still a little hard season there for us of adjustment. But the Lord was obviously working in your heart. Yeah. And new seasons, new opportunities will bring out.
00;19;00;08 - 00;19;11;00
Caleb Cole
Yes. The controlling person in us. Yes. It'll bring out all the fears that we thought I'd worked through that years ago, but really it's still deep down in there and the insecurity was always there.
00;19;11;01 - 00;19;29;29
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. I thought, what in the world is happening? My therapist was like, this is unusual. I'm like, I know. And it almost felt foreign because I think even Caleb would say we hadn't dealt with insecurities like that since the beginning of our marriage, which is normal and totally fine and worked out. But then I had to be grateful.
00;19;30;00 - 00;19;54;25
Chrissy Cole
Here's the thing you do not grow when everything's comfortable. You do not grow when everything is convenient. And the Lord showed me this is an opportunity for both of you, not just Kayla, both of you to say intentional in your relationship. And this is it's a great opportunity for you to feel uncomfortable and get rid of some of those things that I am bringing to the surface that have always been at the, you know, somewhere in your heart.
00;19;54;25 - 00;20;22;11
Chrissy Cole
But I bring them out in different seasons. When I know that you're ready, you are. I can give you all that you need in the season to sift that murky stuff out of your heart. There's another level of insecurity that I didn't realize I had. And the Lord, you know, heel, heel, heel, heel. It's like he's brushing up the bottom of a pool, and then it comes to the surface and it's murky for a while.
00;20;22;11 - 00;20;46;12
Chrissy Cole
You have the opportunity to sweep that debris off the top of the pool waters, but if you don't take care of it, it just sinks right back to the bottom and it stays there, remains there, and it will keep on popping up. It's, you know, it's ugly head. But when God gives you the opportunity in an uncomfortable season to get rid of the debris in your heart, take him.
00;20;46;13 - 00;21;00;13
Chrissy Cole
Take him out that word. Take him out of that opportunity. Rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say rejoice, rejoice. Be thankful that he's showing you, revealing that to you because it's just perfecting you and and making you into the image of Christ, the likeness of Christ.
00;21;00;14 - 00;21;08;07
Caleb Cole
Yeah. And don't you think insecurity is the reason that we default to passiveness or control?
00;21;08;11 - 00;21;09;07
Chrissy Cole
Absolutely.
00;21;09;14 - 00;21;34;22
Caleb Cole
With man, I see it all the time. Like there is an insecurity in themselves spiritually. Yeah. In themselves as a leader in authority. Right. The head of their household. And that insecurity will will cause them to not make decisions, to not lead their home, to not lead their wives, to not step up in the same way that insecurity and fear can make us controlling.
00;21;34;23 - 00;21;41;04
Caleb Cole
Right? We grasp for control. What what what then? Right? What if, what if. And we keep we go down the rabbit hole.
00;21;41;05 - 00;21;42;10
Chrissy Cole
Then what? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00;21;42;12 - 00;22;15;23
Caleb Cole
Of fear and out of fear and insecurity. Now I have to control this to make sure. Right? Right. Or I'm going to hurt. I'm going to distance myself first before he distances himself from me. I'm going to hurt before I'm hurt, right? I'm going to wound before I'm wounded. And so ultimately, it's being healed. That moves us to a place of trust in the Lord of health when it comes to how we operate in relationships, marriage, at our jobs, whatever.
00;22;15;23 - 00;22;42;11
Caleb Cole
Because this plays out in all dynamics, doesn't just play out in marriage, right? It plays out single. I've seen single parents that do this with their children, right? Right. Friendships are controlling. I've seen people do it in, in in friendships. I've seen people who operate as bosses. That or workers, right, that have to control every single little situation and circumstance around their job.
00;22;42;11 - 00;23;13;20
Caleb Cole
Why? Because they're insecure. Because they're fearful. Because. Because they're unhealed. They're unhealthy. And now they create this environment of toxicity for everyone around them. And so my challenge is that you would dig deep with the Lord into what parts of you need to be healed, right? What insecurity is still present that is causing you to be this ultra controlling person, to be this ultra passive person, right?
00;23;13;22 - 00;23;37;11
Caleb Cole
What what is it that needs to be healed so you can actually step in authority and confidence to be the man, woman leader, man of God, woman of God that he wants you to be. And that is a confident, secure. Yes, strong and yet humble leader alongside of of whoever God's put in your sphere of influence.
00;23;37;13 - 00;24;07;21
Chrissy Cole
That's so good. And I think ultimately, controlling gives us an opportunity to hide. And we're hiding from our fears. We're hiding from our insecurities. We're hiding from our traumas and our unhealed places. And so the book recommendation that I have today, which we love to do on the Project Sisterhood podcast, and you're welcome to think of one as as I'm sharing mine, is actually a recommendation from our pastor, PJ, our worship pastor, and this book has wrecked in.
00;24;07;21 - 00;24;28;14
Chrissy Cole
But it's called hiding from Love by John Townsend. And let me just read this beginning part, because I think this is going to help us with control. But this is a journey of discovery toward healing connected relationships and a new freedom and join living. That sounds very basic, but when we are controlling, we are not allowing healing to happen.
00;24;28;14 - 00;24;41;21
Chrissy Cole
We are disconnected in our relationships and this book really helps us from hiding from love. I've only read part of it, but from what I hear, a lot of great results and growth from it. So what about you, babe?
00;24;41;28 - 00;24;47;09
Caleb Cole
My book recommendation would be the Bible. Go read it.
00;24;47;11 - 00;24;48;09
Chrissy Cole
Unbelievable.
00;24;48;10 - 00;24;49;23
Caleb Cole
66 books.
00;24;49;24 - 00;24;52;16
Chrissy Cole
Unbelievable.
00;24;52;18 - 00;24;55;16
Caleb Cole
Oh, no. But for.
00;24;55;18 - 00;24;57;12
Chrissy Cole
My gosh, you're so annoying.
00;24;57;15 - 00;25;23;18
Caleb Cole
But for real. No. Go read the story of Ahab and Jezebel. I think it'd be good. Yeah, this is a legit recommendation. It's in the Bible. But go read about Ahab and Jezebel just where you can see the story play out. Jezebel, you know, trying to kill Elijah and him running for his life. And then he actually gets insecure, wants to wants God to kill him.
00;25;23;22 - 00;25;49;19
Caleb Cole
He's like, just kill me right after he has this great victory over the prophets of Baal. Yeah. And so you see it play out with Abe and Jezebel and a prophet. Yeah. Who are at odds and just the controlling nature, the passive nature. And so I think it's good to just read and then go to the Lord. Ultimately, we need to get secure, so that we don't control or be passive.
00;25;49;20 - 00;25;51;08
Caleb Cole
Right. And we walk with confidence.
00;25;51;08 - 00;26;09;09
Chrissy Cole
That spirit of control pops up again in revelation. So don't just read the story like realize that this is a part of the storyline in the Bible that Jesus wants us to break free from what we see in the Old Testament, and it pops up in the New Testament church in revelation. So we need to be free from this.
00;26;09;09 - 00;26;30;27
Chrissy Cole
So stop hiding from love. Don't be Jezebel's and let's stop controlling. Yes, so what a great episode of Pastor Caleb, my husband, my love of my life. Thank you for being with us. Thanks for having me and choosing control on Mother's Day to for me to speak on. I really appreciate that, but I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Project Sisterhood Podcast.
00;26;30;27 - 00;26;49;04
Chrissy Cole
Make sure you follow us on Instagram TikTok. We are all up on those socials. Share and reshare and subscribe! So we love you ladies and we can't wait to see you soon in person. Otherwise see you next episode of the projects is back! Yes, I know, I don't like that.
00;26;49;07 - 00;26;49;19
Caleb Cole
You say.
00;26;49;24 - 00;26;51;21
Chrissy Cole
See you later. Not anymore. Bye.