"Growing Pains" is a podcast about growing up and trying not to break down. Tune in weekly with Ginger, Kylie, Gianna, and Ashlee as they survive college life, relationships, and the chaos of adulthood during their first year at UNLV. There will be crying, ranting, potential punching, and lots of laughter. Growing pains - when it hurts, the best thing you can do is laugh!
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KU NV studios on public radio K, u and v 91.5. The content of this program does not reflect the views or opinions of 91.5 Jazz and more the University of Nevada Las Vegas or the Board of Regents of the Nevada System of Higher Education.
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Welcome to Growing Pains. I'm your host ginger, join me and my best friends as we talk about growing up. We try not to break down
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Oh, that was awesome. That's up and it's like a Barbie movie. It is like the Barbie movie. Well, hello, everyone. I'm Ginger. I'm your host of growing pains. I'm Kylie. I'm Ashley. Girls.
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I guess guest we have a special guest today if you'd like to introduce yourself. Hello, my name is Wes. I'm the recording engineer typically at K u and v so I'm here there was a seat open
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let's go as he makes all the magic all the editing everything they have to bring the fire themselves I don't tell them what to say. And we bring the fire with some gas all the heat
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well, we know we should have him do the same introduction we did so like what's your stars
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All right, so
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my sun moon and rising are all air signs.
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Sorry. I didn't I didn't control my birth. I was six weeks earlier. I'm also an Air sign I was also six because hey
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yeah, so sun and moon are
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Gemini and then my rising is Aquarius. Oh yeah, that's crazy. That is I don't know what that's supposed to mean. It's just like dead inside. That's true. You can express emotion. I want to very deeply I love Steven Universe I can cry Oh my God
Unknown Speaker 2:06
All right, and then I think we also did like Song of you can do we did too. Yeah, let's do a song like a song you're really into right now. Right now. I'm actually one that I sent ginger on that tape. Paddle paddle that'll that's killer. Literally the Jimmy tape. Tape is dope. I told everyone listen to it. It's not a good taste.
Unknown Speaker 2:28
Gap tape that's that's all listen to just that album. I have transitioned into full time I transitioned into full time three months ago. Oh me to put on the sweatpants. Yeah, I was so sweaty and hot it was like just this week it starts to be like normal and now what's your like Christian girl autumn Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 2:47
Oh, yeah, I'm the area leggings. I'm full blown autumn grow right now. But I guess what I've been listening to the transition in the fall is a lot of what I always listened to was always say Taylor Swift
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also, I just what I was just listening to that I love is love loss my Mac Miller by his I don't know if it was an album. It was really it was made like forever ago but it was just released to Spotify. So every week is you miss my heart. Which is a day who was killed my ears Mark kozelek song so if we covered it Phoebe Bridgers so beautiful. It's like reminds me of fall Oh no, it's so good and it's devastating in every way.
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I'm really not transitioned into fall yet because like I have to get over like my birthday in order to get it to fall because it's disgusting and ones that my birthday is in 12 days. Oh, it's so horrible. But my song of the week is changed location by Drake and Future and that's my changes okay from like the literal like the difference like
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in my mind is are you
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saying that to me?
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Okay, anyway, I do our top teacher anyways. You love that old man that geriatric managerial so for like our topic today we thought it was gonna be a good idea to discuss a red flag in our significant other or a person of interest or person that we are pursuing with men that is
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does not actively pursue men. Ginger is a victim
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but
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doesn't pursue unless you're here to tell us right here right now that you are pursuing a man I like
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I like men are a fan
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who are people and we can scare and feeble and like Victorian and like sickly and like just like okay I'll species little fence no because
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the thing I also love a gay man however they'll also do you just as their
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Do you and it's so much more embarrassing, is dirty but like be like Sorry girl, like right after I gotta know the difference here because I don't have I don't have a horse in a gay straight man or a straight gay man, whatever you're talking about getting like two different burns simple burns similarly. So that's what I'm curious about also doesn't matter if they're ugly, short, tall or hot, they're all going to lay the sheen on you. Yeah, so might as well I like your X and Y axes are whether or not they're hot. And then
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because you could be ugly and tall and get away with doing some crazy crime. But if you're short and ugly, you could be the president the United States and I'm still gonna like kid you. Yeah, it's just like, still God really nerdy with
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Danny DeVito. Come on. Okay, but Danny DeVito, objectively is like the best person to ever have.
Unknown Speaker 5:51
He's Danny DeVito. Like he, yeah, okay. That's the kind of man I would personalize it, Danny, you kind of give Danny DeVito I guess we also wanted to like talk about X, right? Like, it kind of goes hand in hand like
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they say they want to see you so bad. The second thing I have the opportunity they pull out. Or they make vague plans, and they're like, We Should Hang Out to the finicky. Yeah. It kind of like goes hand in hand with a love bombing. I would think I think mine was more like love bombing way because No, you should actually explain what love bombing is because I think that like I can't like, like, interpret, like, I don't understand it. So it's like, I would how I would explain it is in the beginning of a relation but not from like, late, like from like a, like a like from like an outside perspective. Do you think you've been loved bombed before? Or do you think you would be able to recognize it? I think I'd be able to recognize and I think I did experience a little me to that recently. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah, but how I would like define it like just short answer is
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jeez, doesn't have to be in a relationship you can talk to you. But that person just showers you and compliments like they Oh, it doesn't have to be physical. Like they'd like specifically saying I love you will not look. I mean, it's called love bombing. But I think it's, like broad like compliments gifts, like, very, like they say like very, very nice things about you. They're just like, so affectionate towards you. And then all of a sudden, it's like a switch has been flipped. Yeah. And they are the complete opposite. And you almost feel like it's your fault. But it was maybe I'm the love bomber. Oh, no, you're the
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hidden right.
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You're the villain. That's anyways, keep going. No. Yeah, so what's scary? What's scary is that the switch could happen. literally overnight, like being outwardly overly affectionate. And then like it working on working in Yeah. But like, and then all of a sudden, they like just like pull away. I think I'm also a very easy target because I believe my love language is words of after I was just gonna bring that up. So I was very easy. I mean, obviously I live in and learn but like, it was very easy for me to be like, okay, see me? Oh my god, this guy. When you say like being too nice in the beginning, that sounds so like, Oh, guys can't be
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nice girls only, like genuinely like you recognize it when it happens. Okay. But yeah, I would say you do because you're like, you're like, Yeah, cuz you're like, no guy is ever this nice. Like he just wants He just wants one thing. Yeah. You're not gonna let sit there. And let me talk about Taylor Swift for an hour. If Zack and I, guys one time this guy who was a little bit older than me, he like took me out. It was my actual first date. And he took me out and after a few days of hanging out, he would just start hanging out in his car, red flag.
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Right when they're like, Oh, well, they're like, Well, what are you doing today? And he's like, I thought we could just chill run. Okay, and so then
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me being so stupid and young. I'm sitting there so scared and I'm like, let me explain to you the album of that Taylor Swift created entitled folklore and the entire hangout which was by the wizard info dumped on him Yeah, I just need to hydrate because my mom still only let me hang out with him in increments of like two and a half.
Unknown Speaker 9:07
So the entire time I just talked about Taylor Swift because like and he was still so nice about it. So that's how I that was that was my time but like, he was like it's gonna it's gonna be like, Ginger I think ginger you actually just been recently from love bomb. Yeah, so I was on hinge and I met this person
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I met this person and she was really sweet. She was great. And I just want to say to all of our young female listeners on their gets off hinge like I'm
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someone who's not on dating apps because the general IQ of doing exactly that. Is that just like the same IQ for all that's actually the greenest flag you could ever have is to never have a dating profile. So I'm not I'm not into that. Yeah, exactly. If I can't, if I can't, like meet up with you, like in person
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I'm not gonna bother just because I've been on the internet long enough to be like, you couldn't be fake. Anybody ever brought up race to you? Oh, what do you mean? Has anybody ever liked you specifically? Because you were like, yes. Not. Not okay. It's not specifically because you looked ethnic, but like you don't act ethnic, or has anybody worse has anybody will racist? Yeah. Yeah. Has anybody ever done that? Okay, we actually tell your loved one. You're very different than very deep podcast all of a sudden, what I will say like, definitely, a lot of white men will like, like my profile and say something about me, like being Asian or Filipino. Despite like, I've never had women in the first place isn't insane. Okay. Sometimes guys will do this on dating apps, they will make their gender a woman,
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gay woman. So the girls that put their preferences as woman, the guys that change their gender, like it says, Woman, they'll pop up on their profile, because they're into that, gosh, I met this girl. She was great. We've like exchanged numbers. And so we were talking for a couple of days and days. underlyings. And we have one FaceTime. And she is so don't give your number out to people on hinge. Yeah, no, definitely. Like, be careful about that. Because it can get like scary.
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Or own messaging on the App Store. Yeah. Okay. For like a different form. They'll they're like, I'm not
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really knowing this enough, take seven profile.
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So we are on this FaceTime, and she starts saying like, she's getting mad at me for not texting back, like constantly. Oh, it's just fine. Like I understand my bad mood, a little a little cleaner right out the gate. But yeah, that's what it was, you know, it was a little like, oh, like, I understand, like, I'm really bad texture. It's nothing against anyone personally, I'm just terrible. So I was just like, oh, no, I'm so sorry. And she's like, well, you know, if I really like, I want us to be like, something really serious. Like I see a future with us. She's after days. This is days. So lesbians move like this, though. Um, that's true. Lesbians are on a different speed. But still after that, FaceTime, and like, she texts me and she's like, I've been doing wasn't this at my apartment, you were based out here. This is, like, I've been thinking about you constantly. Like I can't wait to get to know you more. And I can't like stop thinking about our food, which by the way, it's not a crime to like someone a lot immediately. It's not a crime. It's not, but it started getting weird, but it's bad getting mad. It's bad to manipulate the other person into into using that against them. So she starts kind of getting mad at me because I you know, like, I think there was a different level of like, like, not I mean kind of effort. Like I felt loved bombed because she was expecting a lot from me and like she was saying all these things like telling me like, oh, I want you so bad. I like you like I want to be together. And if we hadn't even met in person, we kind of have like a real it was like your interest was developing at a slower worry than her and then like at the end she made you feel bad because like exactly, at a slower pace. reciprocate which is that's the bad part. Like, she was a great person. She's so nice and sweet. But then,
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yeah, she broke up with me. She broke up with me. And she said, I can't do this anymore. Like I can't think about you all day and then not going. I think the craziest thing like within that situations, I've said ginger, you're just the type of person that needs to develop a friendship first. And she just wasn't on that same way. And you told her that and she was like
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she said how do you develop a friendship if you don't have a relationship first? That's what she said. I was just like, well, maybe she was like a type like a connection. Like instead of like a relationship she has relationship was more like a you could say yeah, you could say relationships or anything like you have a horrible relationship with your mother. I'm not that you do but like you know what I mean? That was the first time I've broken up with without dating them.
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Is that considered like ghosting did you get ghosted is that conservative? I like no cuz she kept texting OH. OH which she did? We are talking again
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scratch but like it's definitely I think we tried to contain it all down
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you will not get like any like words that like how I feel out of me until you say it first like in writing in writing on record like you really have
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never know how I feel about you and like you got like I'm taking that to the great maybe we need
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like a seven I mean like a seven month talking stage.
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You need therapy? Yeah, for real Okay, I just like straight woman. That's
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just you're just lost Yeah.
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A red flag for me. I think I'm also like a really bad texter. Like if I will leave you on delivered for 40 hours, but I will be thinking, I'll be thinking about like, Oh, I gotta respond to this person. I was
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Yeah, and I'll play out 40 different response scenarios in like before I'll actually respond. And by the way, your response the response you'll get for me is going to be response that takes two seconds. Like there's no thought behind it, but like it'll take me business days to complete this response. That overthinking is but notice Yeah, especially if I like you like the less I like you the faster I reply
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seconds. That's true.
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Because like, I will sit there and I'll set timers on my phone guys like an hour and I'll respond at 333444
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Just if I like you, but like, or if you've like, expressed like a lot of affection in the beginning and I'm like, I know I bagged you already. Like, I don't
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know, I'm just villain.
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It's not okay. Listen, I'm like Robin Hood. Okay. Listen, there. Um, it's not okay. It's not evil to be evil to the evil this group of people. How are you redistributing income? Yeah, like, no, because like, you're saying the men are the worst people in the
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sorry, I'm not talking about me. But like, okay, men in my generation my dating pool man is like, talking about me is like so evil so horrible. So actually shocked it's like, disgusting like I find something new especially since I like laid low kind of all in high school. So a lot of my guys started out a friends so I kind of know how they work. Oh my god. Yeah, Ashley had that. Dude No, it's horrible. So like you had like guy friends? Yeah, guys. No, not even on like some pygmy like lifestyle right now. Like in like, like terms of like, they would come to me and tell me like like how men think plus I have lots of brothers and or I have a brother and I have lots of cousins and a dad that's very very open with relationships. That kind of like I'm not I'm gonna go into he like guys are so evil that personally I could commit the world's biggest crime against men biggest hate crime and it wouldn't even break even so I'm not apologizing to any any acts of toxic pneus I commit to men
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I want to say I'm picky but I the second like it's so weird. I think you lose feelings of really fast really fast because I will second my site find something wrong. Yeah, no. Yeah, you run away like I completely just like I lose it. No, that's what I'm good. Like, genuinely. And I don't know if that has just like some issues I got to uncover but like I find something I wish she wasn't going to uncover that's the title of next week's episode. I want to say x, but I say just like, you could do something. Just so my new and I'm like, Okay, I'm done. English major.
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My new my new.
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Yeah, I know. That is like a bad thing, though. I don't like it. No, no. It's really hard for me to catch me lines. No, and I really hate it's no, it's so difficult for me to catch feelings to like, you gotta be like, I don't even know what like chemical makeup you gotta be like, when you look at the track record of people I have feelings for it's like, girl like this is this is all it took. Yeah, so yeah, it's like one out of every 40 billion people in my DMs and I know it's funny. I tell you this every day on campus I see like someone pretty and I'm like that's the love of my life. I know you're completely opposite was romantic over here. Yeah.
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Yeah. Are we cynics? I don't think I'm a cynic. I think you're cynical about why I wait. Why do you just said uh, you get in your own way. I literally just mean I don't know why I don't think it's like a bad thing though. You're not I don't missing out on anything. No, I would say it has held me back from like periods where yeah, you're missing out on experience but you can get experienced anywhere trauma yeah
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that's a whole different episode. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like there's gonna be other times where you can go and experience and have fun and do all of this one you know what I mean? Like but you don't want to like you're not missing you're only missing out on like heartbreak and like like heart ache and like I just but I do wish I had like those moments already in my younger I'm we're still young but in my younger I understand like so now I never had a high school love Yeah, so I feel like oh my other it's probably said dodged a bullet there but like I feel like I've lost like a really big like, like, significant era of my life. Like you know how intense like a high school Love is like I will say that's why I feel like that's why I feel like I gotta miss up hold like I missed the whole. I do see what she's saying. Because like having having my like, only serious relationship be during like my college years. Not having anything before that. It really feels like not only am I only now getting like firsthand experience and not just like whatever my friends are going through. But also you're realizing because you didn't have all that time to figure yourself out and like be in this situation. You're also brand new to
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stuff so it almost feels like even double the amount of pressure. Yeah, so even though like your first even though your first like, you know, let's say at the time, like I was like 20. So it's like, that's like cool. I'm 20 and I'm having this like first love or whatever. But I didn't have any experiences dating like 14. But like when you were 20 the person that you were having your first love what did they already have their first love who?
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So you got lucky. You know what I found out through conversations when that relationship was healthy was like, what she experienced other people before she met me. It was like infatuation. I was like the first action. Okay, yeah, there's different perspectives to it. But like, I just feel like I'm so behind. I feel like I'm so behind you. And then I'm also getting constantly compared to like, their first love and how am I supposed to compete with you? That's the catch. You don't have to. That's the whole point. That's so evil. That's so evil. Yeah, that's so evil. Every person supposed to be like, every, like the first person that I'm going to love right now. Like, that'll be my first love. And then like, I'm not gonna be yours. Like, how are you supposed to? How are you able to hold such a vulnerable
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position in my life, but I can't hold it only matters if we tell ourselves it matters. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I do think that has a romantic sentimental value. But like, if it's really gonna be like, a hang up, because it's one way for one person in one way or the other. Like, it's only really a red flag. I'm gonna say it's only really gonna be a problem if like, that person, if one of those people really holds it, like, this is something we can't work past. It's like it's just a technicality that happened to be the case. It's not like it was personal. It Well, it's not like it's all you meant to have that incongruency just happen. Like a pride thing. Like I would
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I just wouldn't I will know, like, most likely I wasn't the first Yeah, like, relationships like like, it literally feels like getting picked last for like, like, literally feels like that and then to have that translate like into your life. But I do it's like I do
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recognize that like, the first loves the first graduation not it's they're learning like learning experiences, which is good. You know, learn more about yourself more about what's like plus college and high school are such like transformative times of your life. That like so different balancing that and your like love life and putting extra pressures and comparisons to yourself. It's disgusting. Like, I genuinely want to bow I'm so over this. I'm like, Alright,
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I'm tapping out.
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Hope God's got it from here. Okay, that's my red flag. I put a lot of pressure on myself.
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I put specially Oh my gosh.
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Crazy. It's crazy. It's insane. Like I don't I can't I can't even raise you guys can probably have never met a person who overthinks or is as insecure or has as many like little thoughts burning into their brain as much as me I got those intrusive No, like, it's crazy. Like on our way over here. I was holding like this little like, box from Pandora a little like a little thing. And I was like everyone's gonna think of so far walking around campus like this. They're gonna call me a little piggies.
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Nobody cares that much. And the nicest way possible. People don't care about you. Yeah, that's amazing. But it's like really bad, like social anxiety. Like, like getting up high school and stuff that I went there or like, Whatever, whatever. But one thing that helped me that my old therapist told me the only thing she helped me with was she was like, people don't care about you as much as you think they do. And don't think about Yeah, that was a comforting thought. You're right, because people don't care about honestly really freeing when like you're invisible. Yes. Because everyone is so caught up in themselves. Exactly. Yeah, I'm probably I'm probably thinking about themselves and not even like a selfish way. Everyone's like, it's not like not insecure but everyone's thinking about it. You know? I constantly think there's like a camera watching and people like making fun of me and
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you have paranoid
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definitely sound like spice going on up there. Spicy neuro spicy narrow, narrow, spicy neuro divergent. That's me.
Unknown Speaker 24:08
Yeah, that's probably my red flag like you can't stop the voices in my head you're not you can't that's like this horrible faces in the wall. Like crocheted pillow those like once I get my mental demons in order it's literally saying like That's why it'll take like if you're waiting on a response for me and I'm lagging I could not like you like I either on delivered because I'm like thinking of 80 different responses to say to you and like calculating the perfect response to make you fall in love with me more. I'm just done like I have an era life right? I hate it when a man waits for you to DM them. Oh my god.
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Oh my gosh, biggest mistake of my entire life if I could go back to that Tuesday in May
Unknown Speaker 24:52
but that's like a red flag. Like that's that's it just leads to problems unfortunately. Like I hate to like, put that into the stigma
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I hate to like feed into like a horrible like 1950s delusion that like that like men that you'd like men need to make the first move but like it leads to problems when I make the first move or when I'm quote unquote, like tattoos but to like when the guys
Unknown Speaker 25:18
like I will say as as a guy and trying to miss someone first my only thought going through my head and messaging anyone that I'm just starting to know if at all, is for the love of God, I am not trying to be creepy like other dudes, that is not my intention. But like, I also don't know what else to say because like, every dude ever just like says the same dumb stuff. And I'm just like, I'm just a dork. So it's like, I don't know, it's really it's just like, I think it's terrible. I think it's just like, it's
Unknown Speaker 25:47
like, some girls are just like, it's not like a person. It's not like, but isn't that kind of like, anything at the time? But like, isn't that kind of, like, nice to think about? Like, it's not not necessarily like, if it's luck, like just like being selective of who you want to connect with? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 26:03
Yeah, like, Isn't that like, like, nice to? I think that's nice to think about. There's no like, in between for men. I'm sorry. All right. I'm not gonna lie to any person you're pursuing. Like, their actions are so black and white. Like it's not if someone tells you who they are, believe them. Yes. Like, it's not. It's not a beige thing. Like sometimes they're like, dang, I've never experienced anything like that. And you can't interpret it just yet. That doesn't make it a beige. Like you're just dumb. Like yeah, I've seen like some things where it's like on on tick tock. I hate saying on tick tock I've seen on ticket but like the guy the videos that are like my boyfriend's base flag is that he walks around without socks on I'm like,
Unknown Speaker 26:40
Okay, you can dislike something it does what you want to call it a beige. Like I just don't like that term. Like it's not I'm not a touchy person. That's my red flag. I'm gonna be real with you. But I don't know. Yeah, I'm not a touchy person. No, it was gonna No, no, no, except like, there's exceptions. Sometimes. I'm like, oh, like you let me give you a big comfortable. Yeah, like I have to be really I've known Kylie and Gianna for 10 years and we barely hug. Like, I'm just not a touchy. Gianna will be cuddling on the couch and you will be at the furthest end of it. And we'll be like, I need to be a winner. Not only will you don't touch me, but I need to be the furthest away from you. I also don't blame me because me and John are like furnaces walking.
Unknown Speaker 27:18
Guys are crazy. You guys run you run so hot, but I like the heat. You will make it like it's crazy. But yeah, I can't go like you could take all the insecurity and then remember that nobody like again lovingly. No one cares about you. And
Unknown Speaker 27:33
John, I think if somebody were to notice all of these things, they would probably check me in to mental health like Well, I'm just not a very like green flag person. Unfortunately, I know I'm loyal. I'm very very loyal. And very Lyon loyal to the
Unknown Speaker 27:48
loyal to the stupid is level, like loyal to someone. I should not be in a stage of just talk not just talking like nothing serious. No commitment. And you be like, I can't text. Because honestly, I can't die. Because like, I can't even like text you if I'm not like actively. I just can't Yeah, no, that's not true. My my green flag is if she's mean to me, if she talks to me, if she texts me. Oh, you know what? I'm pretty mean to people that I am in love with. I'm gonna be so rude with you know what? I'm the opposite. I'm like, No, you're so you're so I'm not even gonna lie that I love you so much. But I
Unknown Speaker 28:30
do by the way horrible.
Unknown Speaker 28:33
Because these people will be like, genuinely like, oh my god, ginger. You shouldn't let her talk to you like that. And you're like, No, I'm gonna apologize.
Unknown Speaker 28:41
And like when I really really like someone like it's just yeah, there's like I got like my rose colored glasses on Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 28:51
Anyone who's gonna listen to this and be like these girls. Yeah, no, but okay, but do you walk away from their friends anymore? I don't want to walk away from like, it's okay to point out like other guys, other girls also, like you should recognize your own red flags. Yeah, honestly. I know I have nowhere. So just like find someone that flags complement your example.
Unknown Speaker 29:12
If you can't express your emotions, you obviously need a love bomber.
Unknown Speaker 29:18
I think the cure to all of this is just be friends with the person first. I think the cure to all of this is therapy.
Unknown Speaker 29:24
Therapy is gonna do that.
Unknown Speaker 29:28
Therapy please help me. If I go to therapy, then I'm going to lose my sparkle. You're saying that's a little bit nuts. It is your therapy. Your therapist is
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loving. She's your
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friend. Thank you so much for listening to growing pains. You can follow us on Instagram at Growing Pains gram or on tick tock Growing Pains talk. hope you tune in next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai