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Our mentees have relational needs that God has designed them with. In order to meet them, we must understand what they are, and what God expects of us as mentors in meeting them. In this series we are unpacking what we call the Three As, the top three relational needs of kids from hard places. This episode unpacks the relational need of attention.
Show Notes
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WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
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SHOW NOTES
- Attention says “you matter more than anything else.”
- Focus on making eye contact and smiling
- Be good a listener and remember the things your kid talks about/bring up often
- Celebrate their achievements, and show interest in their interests and activities
- Ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going
- Give them 30 minutes of your full attention, rather than an hour of half of your attention
- What does appropriate attention look like?
- Show up, enter into their world, and show them that what’s important to them is important to you because they are important to you
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Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. So glad you're with us today. I have Caroline Cash and Zach in the room. How are you guys doing today?
Speaker 3:Doing great. Didn't know who to go first.
Speaker 2:Cash, you doing well? Yeah. I'm doing great. Okay. Well, we are excited about continuing our series titled relationships change lives.
Speaker 2:Today, we are gonna talk about relational needs again, and the relational need we are gonna highlight today is attention. God has designed every person with relational needs. And one thing a mentor does is is really in relationship, you are meeting a child's relational needs, especially a kid from a hard place. I think it's important for mentors to understand how to meet those needs and what god expects of us in meeting them. And so I'm excited to unpack today with you guys the relational need of attention.
Speaker 2:And so, Zach, I'd love if you took it from here. Give us some vision of of what attention is all about.
Speaker 3:Yeah. For sure, Steven. Thanks. Whenever you, as a mentor, show up for your kid, what it says to them is you matter more than work, or you matter more than my hobbies. What it's saying is that you are worth my time, that you have value, and that you matter to me, and that I'm willing to give up everything else to spend time with you.
Speaker 2:Relationally, we all want to be valued and made important. And I think the the the value that an adult can give a kid just by giving attention, I think, is is massive.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And our kids, specifically kids who come from hard places, some of them don't have any adult who's able to really show them attention on a consistent basis.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And I think that that plays into, who they are as a person, that plays into their identity, that plays into how they see themselves, their self value, their self confidence. And for us as a mentor to come into their lives and to give them that attention, I just believe that the Lord can change so much about a person and their identity whenever a caring adult shows up on a consistent basis. One phrase that helps really show attention to a child is every time that we hang out with them, we have an opportunity to enter into their world. Yeah. And if you personally think back to your childhood, I know for me, I can think of so many caring adults who entered into my world.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Whether it was a teacher or whether it was a person at church or whether it was a neighbor or an aunt or an uncle or a mom or a dad. I believe that we are who we are today because of the people who entered into our world. What was important to us was important to them. And by their presence, by them showing up on a consistent basis, that made us feel like we mattered.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And every person out there wants to know that they matter.
Speaker 2:I've been around so many kids who they're doing something. It may not be, like, a very interesting thing, but they're always, like, watch me. Watch me. It could just be, like, flipping over an ottoman or something. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But there's just this this need of like, I want someone to watch me. Mhmm. I want someone to see what I'm doing. Mhmm. And, like, there's there's this desire to feel known and watched and to receive feedback.
Speaker 2:Like, someone wants me to say, that was awesome. Right. Even just when you get hurt, like, they want a response. It's very natural for you to recognize those those things, and I think attention is is just a a very natural need that comes out in children.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I have a son at home who's 3. And, one of his favorite things currently is to say, hey, daddy. Watch me. Watch me.
Speaker 3:Watch me. And he I mean, whether it's putting the cup in the sink or putting up his toys or doing a cartwheel, like Yeah. He he just wants me to watch him.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:But it's so much more to him than me just watching him.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:What it's saying is, it's saying when he asks me, hey, daddy, watch me. What he's really asking is, do I matter? Mhmm. Is does anyone care? Am I important enough for you to put down your phone or to turn off the TV and to watch what I'm doing?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Yeah. And whenever I do that, my son gets that need met how it was supposed to be met. And that's in a healthy family context. This need for attention will be met.
Speaker 3:In a perfect world, it's met through family. But for those kids who don't necessarily have that, we have an opportunity to meet that need through mentoring. But if they don't have anyone positive and caring in their life who is meeting that attention need in a positive way, they will get it met through things that aren't positive.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:So yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it's important to kinda talk about some of those things. Some of those negative ways that you might see, could be a child acting out in class or the way that he dresses, he or she dresses, or, wanting to be the tough guy or wanting to be in a position where he has he or she has power or some sort of something over someone else. Mhmm. You can also see this in just tantrums or, changing how they act around different people. So they, in one setting, could act one way and another setting could act or perform completely different.
Speaker 1:And so, all those things kind of manifest themselves differently. And there are also you could see them in seemingly positive ways as well, like perfectionism or always being the first one to jump at an opportunity to serve or to answer a question. We'll kinda talk through some of those things a little bit more later. But the biggest thing that we wanna focus on is that no matter what or no matter how these kids are trying to get attention, they're trying to get attention.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And the attention is more than just the watch me, Zach, like you said. It is wanting just even a glimpse or even a piece of relationship. Mhmm. Because when an adult stops what they're doing to respond to negative or positive behavior, a child is grabbing onto a piece of a relationship no matter what the response could be. And so, those are just important things to note as we talk about this.
Speaker 3:And Cash Like, all of this goes back to the very beginning. Right? Mhmm. It is not good for man to be alone. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so, for some of our kids, they are isolated and they are alone. And they're gonna do whatever they have to do to get you to notice them, whether it is positive or whether it is not positive. Yeah. And so relationships change lives, and we were made for relationships. And for a kid who doesn't have relationships, he's gonna do whatever he has to do to get one, which is why you see kids join gangs, which is why you see kids put so much into, relationships with the opposite sex.
Speaker 3:Like, they just want someone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They just want someone to care about them. A kid who's, you know, 8, 10, 12, they don't know how to get those needs met in a way that is healthy. So they're just gonna do the best job that they can. And most of the time, it's through ways that this world says, hey, this is how you get your attention met. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Especially today, like, in the world of social media, there are so many things that our kids watch on a consistent basis Right. That are subconsciously telling them this is how you get noticed.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And for some kids, they don't have a caring positive adult saying, hey, that's actually not gonna lead to success, but this is how you build relationships in a positive way.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think your point, Cash, on anyone who's seeking attention is seeking relationship, and that's not something to correct. Like, there is there's a kid in our program. I'm leaving, and he is he's screaming my name screaming my name. Steven.
Speaker 2:Steven. Steven. Like and I'm I'm probably 50 yards away, and he's wanting everyone to hear him scream my name. I turn around, I acknowledge him, and he just says, bye. And he just wanted my attention just to tell me bye
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And for me to acknowledge him. Yeah. And I think something I see a lot in our boys in some situations that they're very loud. Mhmm. And it's easy to just correct their loudness and just be like, hey.
Speaker 2:Do you know, Mike, you don't have to be this loud? But that tendency to correct the loudness, is that actually what I should be going after? Should I actually just be going after the relationship that the attention that they're seeking?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, there's always a need behind the deed. Yeah. Right? So, yeah, the deed might be screaming and shouting, but what's the need behind that? Yeah.
Speaker 3:And we, as adults, need to be able to look past the action and say, oh, he's screaming, he's acting crazy, he's doing that, but really the need is attention. So I'm gonna go meet that in a positive way. And also, Steven, like, yet there are kids who act out. Right? They're loud and they're rambunctious and they're quote, unquote bad kids.
Speaker 3:Right? But then there's the other kid who he has said to himself, I need attention, but no one's gonna meet it anyway. So I'm just gonna shut down.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 3:And those kids for me are so much more difficult because you've got this one kid who's saying I have to have attention someone pay attention to me and for that kid you just have to go and give him attention. But for this kid not only do you have to give him attention, but you have to rewire his mind that hey man Not only am I going to give you attention, but you are worth the attention. Yeah. Yeah. And you can believe that you are worth someone pursuing
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Or that you're worth someone pursuing you. And, like, that is so much more difficult for me, because how sad is it that a kid who is in 3rd grade already has in his mind, it isn't even worth me speaking up because no one's gonna come. And we, as mentors, have an opportunity to enter into their world and say, hey, that thought actually isn't true. And I'm here, and I care about you, and I'm going to prove to you that that lie isn't true.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I think just kinda to round up this point, I think it's important to be aware of the things that are consistent that your child is your mentee is doing. Because we talked about a lot of negative things and a lot of negative ways that a kid may seek attention. But there are also things we mentioned them just the positive ways, which can look initially really good. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Where they can look like, this kid has it altogether. And they wanna answer every question that I ask. They want to hang out. They're respectful. Like, there are no issues here.
Speaker 1:And in some ways, that child is is seeking attention. So just as mentors, I think is important. We say this I feel like we say this almost every episode. But just to be aware of how your kids are acting and like, to really seek the Lord in discernment and how to address things like attention and how that child specifically needs it. Because every child will act differently and seek it very differently.
Speaker 3:All of this comes back to their identity. Mhmm. Right? It is how they see themselves. And when people show up on a consistent basis and give them attention and meet their needs, they see themselves as valuable and as important.
Speaker 3:But on the contrary, if no one is ever showing up for them, if no one meets their needs, and then their identity is, oh, well, I must not be lovable. I must not be worthy. I must not have value. And that identity piece, how kids see themselves
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And that is so vital. That is of the utmost of of importance because that's where they form their thoughts and that's where all of their actions and decisions stem from.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Mhmm. I think another thing that that really helps a child develop a sense of self, like a healthy sense of self, is when we give them a sounding board Mhmm. For their actions and the things that they do. And so just as a child says watch me, if you just watch and don't actually give them feedback about what they did, like if ZJ did a cartwheel and you just looked him looked looked at him, but did not say, that was awesome, like, or actually respond, how would that be communicated to him?
Speaker 2:Like, how would he experience that? And so I think in anything that your mentee does or just in general when someone's seeking attention from you, I think it's important to give feedback and to give encouragement and to say thank you.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, a kid is going to continue to do what he's praised for.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And a kid is not going to continue to to do the things that don't give him attention. So if you want a child to continue doing certain actions, then the the best way to make sure that that action does continue is to give him encouragement and to give him positive feedback. But guys, like, just to be really practical here, like, it is so important for us to actually look the kids that we're mentoring in the eyes and say, hey. Thank you for fill in the blank. And just saying such powerful statements like, hey.
Speaker 3:I love being with you, and thank you for allowing me to hang out with you. And being with you is the highlight of my day. Like, those are things that it might seem kinda weird and it might seem kinda awkward just because you were being so straightforward, but those are things that our kids need to hear. Mhmm. Because for some of our kids, they might not be hearing that anywhere else.
Speaker 2:Right. Yeah. I think giving giving kids feedback is huge because we're not able to give feedback unless we've given them our attention.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so I think it it communicates that we're watching Mhmm. If we're actually telling them, giving them feedback about it. Something that I I feel like we should plug as a resource for our mentors is a book by Orange called It's Personal. It's a great resource that, is geared towards children's ministry, but particularly something it it talks about so clearly are just in this conversation of giving kids attention. That really if we are to give a kid attention, like, we, as a mentor, might be the only chance this kid gets to not reinforce this feeling or understanding of himself that he's ignored, that he's invisible, that no one sees him, that that no one cares.
Speaker 2:And so I I really wanna encourage our mentors to check that book out if you're interested in growing in what it looks like to be personal and to give feedback and to give your attention. It's personal from Orange. So, Zach, can can you unpack a little more why attention is so important for kids from hard places even from your own experience?
Speaker 3:I can just vividly remember in junior high school just having this overwhelming desire for people to give me attention. Mhmm. As a kid, I couldn't articulate that. Like, I couldn't put that need into words, but I just cared so much. Maybe the most important thing in my life was for people to take notice of me.
Speaker 3:And I had, I had a couple of coaches at the junior high school that I went to who just did an absolutely amazing job of making kids feel like they mattered, making kids feel important. And every time that I saw them, they would always go out of their way to say hi to you. They would always, you know, they they gave every kid a nickname and, like, that just made you feel so important. And they they were just fantastic coaches. And I can remember that I would skip class and I would go on a mission to try to find those coaches.
Speaker 3:I couldn't tell you why I was doing what I was doing, but it it was almost like in my subconscious, I had this desire for attention. And I was like, me getting that need met is so much more important than math class right now. And I would just go and I would find them and I would just sit with them. And like, you know, these coaches weren't dumb. Like, they knew that I was skipping class, but I think that they also knew that here was a kid who had just gone through a ton Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And that he needed positive people in his life, specifically male adults more than he, more than math class. And so I think that's one way. A second way, my sophomore year, I was on junior varsity, junior varsity basketball, and I had this one coach, and he was awesome. He was, like, 26. He was married.
Speaker 3:And, you know, junior varsity basketball, like, isn't really important to schools. So, like, like, we didn't have anyone show up to our games or anything like that, but it was just us and him for, like, 5 straight months. In one morning, we had a basketball tournament, and it was about a 30 minute drive. I remember we couldn't find a bus to take us, so we just had to, like, hop in cars, which now would never fly. But, but I can remember coach Gearhart saying to me, hey, Zach, why don't you come ride with me?
Speaker 3:I know that that seems so small, but for 30 minutes, I had his undivided attention. And he just asked me questions about my life. It wasn't anything serious. But what it was was it was 30 minutes of undivided attention for a kid who hadn't received that in years. And that was huge.
Speaker 3:I mean, here I am talking about that, you know, 25 years later, like that that meant the world to me because it it was a kid who was in dire need of attention actually getting that need met. And then me personally as a coach, so my background is I was a junior high coach. I could tell within the 1st week of school, the kids who came from a hard place because they would just follow me around seeking attention. They they would do whatever they had to do to get to be seen by coach Garza. Whether that's be the first one to volunteer to help me or stay after practice or fill up the water bottles.
Speaker 3:Like, they they just wanted to be around me because they weren't receiving positive attention from a male anywhere else. Just that that was me getting those needs met in a positive way. However, there were also times in my life whenever I got those met in a negative way. And really, like, I could sum up my teenage years with this statement. I would do whatever I had to do to get noticed.
Speaker 3:And whether that's through being the crazy guy at a party or, you know, doing whatever my friends wanted me to do or getting into fights, or acting out in in school, like, whatever got this need for attention met from my peers, I do. That could have gotten me in just a ton of trouble. Fortunately, it didn't, but I can just look back through my life and see this this need for attention and how the Lord met it through positive people and also how I took took matters into my own hands and got it met through ways that weren't positive.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I really love the example your coaches gave you of what it looks like to be a man who recognizes the need of attention, and I think I see I see the fruit of that in your own life, obviously.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I I think there's something within within us that's made to meet the need of attention.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And, I mean, it's almost like whenever the Lord opens up your eyes to this Mhmm. Like, man, kids from hard places, most of them really need a lot of positive attention. In fact, you can never give them enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, you can't help but see it in so many different areas. Those 4 coaches that I talked about, I mean, they're the reason why I became a coach. Like, they had such a tremendous impact on me. And it wasn't like they did anything crazy. They just showed up.
Speaker 3:And their presence alone was enough to satisfy this desire that I had. And, like, I can honestly say that, like, I am who I am today because those coaches showed up for me. Mhmm. And it wasn't like they said anything profound. In fact, I can sit here today and say, I cannot tell you one thing that my coaches told me.
Speaker 3:But I can remember and I can see in my head, times whenever we were just together. Like, I can tell you right now what the inside of his Chevy truck look like. Like, I can tell you what the 8th grade coach's office looked like at Apollo Junior High School. I can tell you where certain coaches would sit. That's how much that meant to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it is just amazing what the Lord can do whenever someone shows up. That's why our number one job of a mentor is just to show up.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. It's a ministry of presence.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And your presence is meeting intangible needs. Like, your coaches probably didn't ask you, hey, Zach. What what are your needs?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Or or Right. Hey, Zach. You seem like you're going through a really hard time. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 3:No. Yeah. Trust me. They did not say that. But that's okay.
Speaker 3:They just showed up and the Lord met that need anyways. Mhmm. Which should be so encouraging to us Right. As mentors. Because we don't have to have all the answers.
Speaker 3:We don't have to have all the tools. We don't even have to be, you know, quote unquote, awesome with kids. Mhmm. But if you can just show up, the lord can can use that in mighty ways and change a person's life.
Speaker 2:I think even just with what you just said, something I hear a lot of feedback from mentors are like, what are the questions I should be asking? How do I get and it and it's like we view questions as this eventually, if I ask the the best question or the right question that I'm gonna get to that underlying need. Yeah. But what you're saying is it's not about having the best question.
Speaker 3:No. Because even if they were to ask me the best question, I was still 13. Mhmm. And I had no idea how to articulate what was going on inside my heart. Yeah.
Speaker 3:In fact, I couldn't even do that until I was about 26 because I just wasn't there yet. Like, I couldn't introspectively be like, man, I grew up in a traumatic home and there was abuse and I felt abandoned and all of this stuff must be leading. No, like I was 13. The only thing that I cared about was ESPN and playing basketball. And if those coaches hadn't been there, then I very easily would have gotten those needs met somewhere else.
Speaker 3:But it's almost like us as mentors, we have an opportunity just by showing up to keep the kids that we're pouring into on the right path.
Speaker 1:So you have talked about how you sought attention from coaches and they met that. And then there was also a time in your life where you saw attention. Yeah. In other ways. And so what was you can go back and just the feeling that you felt after you received attention in both the positive and the negative.
Speaker 1:Was there a difference in like satisfaction of receiving that attention? Like, was there a difference in the way that you felt after someone acknowledged you after, you know, being the class clown versus getting attention from a coach? Like, what was kind of the difference emotionally there? Obviously, there are long term Yeah. Transformation, you know, but Yeah.
Speaker 1:I transformation, you know, but
Speaker 3:Yeah. I mean, I don't know if the feeling was any different. Mhmm. But what I do know is this is that life was significantly easier. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because whenever you get those needs met in a negative way, well, typically consequences come with that. Mhmm. And as I'm sitting here processing this, I wasn't partying and I wasn't going crazy to the degree that I did whenever I wasn't in sports. I wasn't involved in those super negative behaviors whenever I was under the, covering of all of my coaches.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I quit basketball my beginning of my junior year because I got into a fight with my coach and because this is the honest truth, there was a party that I wanted to go to on a Friday night, and I had a Friday night basketball game. And I made the decision to quit playing sports so that I could go to this party. But, actually, what I was saying was I know for sure that I'm going to get these needs met
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:At this party, and I care more about that than I do playing basketball.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so my life got a lot worse and I started doing things that weren't godly to a greater degree whenever I didn't have those positive people in my life giving me attention. If we wanna go full circle, I didn't get back on this path of life until a mentor came into my life, my senior year of college. I can look back at my life and see these times whenever I was submitted underneath a covering where I was getting these needs met in a positive way, and that's when my life was headed down a good path. But when I wasn't underneath these people, that's whenever I was going down a dark path.
Speaker 2:A mentor creates a contrast between that positive healthy attention versus I'm just gonna get my needs met, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And I I think that is telling that when you don't have the contrast, you can go in 20 different directions seeking attention, and it's not gonna end well.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. And my coaches and the guy who mentored me in college, they would not say that they mentored me. Mhmm. But what I'm saying today is that whether they know it or not, they did just by showing up, and that sounds to me a whole lot like Jesus.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. Yeah. Jesus, always bring it back to him. All he did throughout his entire ministry was just show up and love people, and meet them where they were. And you see that all throughout the New Testament, and just the people that he hung out with were not the popular, were not the ones that had it all together, were not the perfect people.
Speaker 1:They were the outcast, they were the sick, they were the lost, they were the ones that no one else wanted to be around. And I think, I mean, you just you could end it there where Jesus just loved people. And, I think one of the greatest examples of this and it's is Zacchaeus. Mhmm. And if you don't know the story of Zacchaeus
Speaker 3:He was a wee little man. And the wee little man was he.
Speaker 2:I didn't grow up in the church.
Speaker 3:Oh, man. Oh my god. Sycamore tree, bro.
Speaker 1:Oh, lord. He wanted to see.
Speaker 3:That's right. Bring him back. Wow. Jeez.
Speaker 1:It's great. You can go to, Luke 19 and read the story of Zacchaeus. But, he was not what people would say was a good guy. He was dishonest. And Jesus stopped and pointed him out in the crowd, which you see Jesus do a lot.
Speaker 1:And I think, like, even the story with the bleeding woman, Jesus turns around and calls her out specifically. I love that that is what Jesus does, is that he looks at Zaccheus and he says, I'm coming to your house.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:I'm coming to spend time with you without any expectation of anything from him. He didn't expect him to have a huge feast. He didn't expect him to have his life together. He knew that he was not, like, the perfect Christian or the perfect follower of Jesus. Like, he knew those things, and yet Jesus called him out and said, I choose you.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna choose to spend time with you. And so as mentors, we can look to the example of Jesus in everything. But especially in the idea of attention of just the, the value that comes from simply showing up and just loving them, loving your mentee as they are. Yep. And not trying to to expect too too much or more than what they can offer because Jesus just simply left them in their current state.
Speaker 3:My favorite part of the story is you see in Luke 195, Jesus says, IKEA is I'm coming to your house.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:In 6, he went to his house. In 7, people talk bad about him. And then all of a sudden in 8, Zacchaeus stood up and said to the lord, look, lord, here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor. If I have cheated anyone out of anything, I will pay back 4 times the amount, which shows me that, like, the only thing Jesus did was make his presence known. That it doesn't say Jesus set Zacchaeus down and gave him a lecture.
Speaker 3:It doesn't say that he gave him a speech. It doesn't say he gave him the hey. Here's the 5 things that we need to do in order to
Speaker 2:be a
Speaker 3:good Christian. No. Jesus just showed up, and his presence alone caused Zacchaeus to change his ways. And I think that there's so much power there that we don't have to come with all of these tools.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:But that we just have to come and show up. Mhmm. And then our presence alone in the holy spirit in us will eventually set the table for this person's for this kid's life to be transformed.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:When Jesus looks at Zacchaeus, he sees a man who sought attention in a wrong way. Mhmm. Because being the chief tax collector, he has decided to align himself with the Romans and to seek their favor and their attention. And I think that that's it's a really powerful thing that Jesus does not reject him for that, but actually accepts him and wants to restore him, not ignore him. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's that's really powerful. When it comes to kids from hard places, the way that they are seeking attention, will we ignore them or restore them? And I think that that's powerful response that we see in the life of Jesus. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Yep. It's really good, Steven. Steven, will you kind of just, help us walk away with just a couple practical things as we kinda end this episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, I I just love the simplicity of attention Mhmm. That we can make mentoring so complicated, but, really, to to meet these needs of attention requires presence. Yeah. Just the ministry of presence.
Speaker 2:And so very practically, focus on making eye contact, smiling, kneel down, enter into their world. Be a good listener. Remember the things they share. If you remember them, they'll know that you're paying attention. Celebrate their achievements.
Speaker 2:Show interest in their interests and activities, the things that they're doing. Ask open ended questions, but don't depend on questions to get you to their needs. Just show up. Be with them.
Speaker 3:And even if the kid doesn't respond the way that you want them to, that doesn't mean that your time together is a failure. So Right. Don't get discouraged, but stay encouraged knowing that you showing up is doing so much more than we think.
Speaker 2:Amen. Give them 30 minutes of your full attention rather than an hour of half of your attention. I think that's huge. Yep. The moral of the story when it comes to meeting the need of attention in the in the life of a kid from a hard place, show up, enter into their world, and show them that what's important to them is important to you because they are important to you.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening to the You Can Mentor podcast. If you have found this episode to be helpful, please share it on the social medias. We have a few more episodes left in the relationships change lives series. So please come back next week. We're gonna talk about affirmation.
Speaker 3:Leave us
Speaker 1:a review.
Speaker 3:And also, if you're a part of a mentoring organization, please share this with your mentors. That's our heart behind this is to equip and encourage all mentors to mentor better. In the name of Jesus.
Speaker 2:Amen. And if there's nothing you picked up from this episode, just let it be this. You can mentor.