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Binge eating and emotional eating keep millions of people from living their best lives. If you're one of them, this podcast is for you. Hosts Georgie Fear and Maryclaire Brescia share insights and key lessons from their wildly successful Breaking Up With Binge Eating Coaching Program. Their methods integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, nutritional science and change psychology -- but what you'll notice is that it works and feels good. Step off the merry go round of dieting and binge eating and into a healthier, happier body and mind.
Christina: [00:00:00] Hey there, listeners. Welcome to another episode of the breaking up with binge-eating podcast. I'm Christina, and I'm very excited to introduce you to today's special guest, Maddie. Maddie was once in your shoes, looking for a solution to her binge eating and found this podcast. In listening some more, she realized that she could use the support of a coach to overcome her challenges. So she reached out and that's how her and I got connected. We worked together for about seven months to help her develop the skills and confidence to work through the reasons behind her binge eating and how to support herself in a more helpful way for the rest of her life. So stay tuned to hear more of her journey.
Georgie: This is the breaking up with binge eating podcast, where every listen moves you one step closer to complete food freedom [00:01:00] hosted by me, Georgie fear and my team at confident eaters.
Christina: Hey, everybody. Thanks for joining us today. I'm here with a client of mine, Maddie, and she has agreed to chat about our coaching journey together and her process of reaching out and what has brought her here today. So yeah, will just get right into it, but thanks Maddie for being willing to share a little bit about your journey and I think it's going to help a lot of people. So appreciate you being here.
Maddie: Absolutely. Thanks for the invite. This is really cool. I'm happy to be here.
Christina: Yay, so first I just want to start off by Hearing a little bit more about you. Could you please just share a little bit about yourself. What's your dieting background anything you're sharing with that and Yeah, let's just start there.
Maddie: Okay. Wow. That's such a broad question. I like [00:02:00] don't even know where to go with my identity. I guess something important would be I'm from new Orleans. And so in terms of like food culture, we are a people of food and my mom and my larger extended family have all leaned into the like food equals love Southern hospitality vibe. And I remember from a very early age noticing comments about, about food and body image, like positively and negatively growing up around the women in my family. There are many women in my family. And all of our experiences. Yeah, whether it's my grandma at a restaurant or me and my cousins in a changing room or at the beach, like that was food and weight were kind of always part and body were always.
Kind of present in the conversation. And we were sports family, my immediate family. So I grew up playing tons of sports and honed in on volleyball really hard high school, college played [00:03:00] And yeah, didn't have like a very healthy diet growing up. My mom was getting her PhD and had a full time job was raising two kids. So there was a lot of like frozen pizza, frozen chicken tenders, McDonald's. I think a typical day would be like a chocolate Pop Tart for breakfast, a peanut butter sandwich. No jelly because I hated it chips and Oreos for lunch and like dominoes for dinner would be like an average day growing up, but I just played a ton of sports and had a fast metabolism, my build. I never thought I was thin, but I always had looking back, always had a thin build it just kind of kept through through college. so I guess I never really had to pay, I never really paid a lot of attention to what I was eating because I was so active. And every meal growing up was me by myself in front of the television because that was kind of how our house functioned.
So kind of looking back [00:04:00] now, I could notice a pattern of always distracted eating, always eating in front of the TV. Yeah. And I can see like how that's impacted how I eat now. And I guess, what do I do now? What about me? Almost a PhD student starting in the fall and I'm really excited about that.
I studied religion and ethics. I'm a person who enjoys running and yoga and journaling and writing. And yeah, currently I have a very loving partner who I spend most of my time with here in Taiwan. So I guess that's a little bit of me. In a nutshell too,
Christina: Yeah, that's awesome. I think it's true for a lot of the people that I work with that they're eating growing up years, like whatever they were exposed to just felt very normal. And, you know, definitely impacted them later in life, and for you, I think that We talked about just the habits that we have that feel [00:05:00] very comfortable and also can affect our eating. And if there was a lot of eating in front of the TV and eating by yourself, eating distracted and eating lots of like highly processed foods, It's very understandable that that would translate into later in life.
And I know that you came seeking help because you were dealing with some challenges with your eating. And could you describe a little bit about like what kinds of things you were struggling with before we started working together and what made you decide to reach out in the first place?
Maddie: Yeah, absolutely. So my biggest struggle was binge eating and I think I would only identify it as binge eating when I first came here and now I would identify it binging and purging. And yeah, I had struggled with that once before in another big life transition. But I had [00:06:00] worked through it and I felt like I had kind of quote moved on or like was done with that. And then I moved here to Taiwan and went through this other huge transition. And it just like reared back up. I spend a lot of time by myself. I was lonely. I felt like insecure and unsure. For the first time I was trying to apply to all of these like remote jobs that just really weren't great fits for me, and I was getting a ton of rejections and I just didn't know what was next. And, you know, I started binging like frequently and I found that very distressing. I got very worried because I thought, no, no, I don't do this anymore. I've become a very healthy, healthful eater. I eat like fruits and vegetables and I cook and I run a lot.
I had run, you know, two half marathons and a marathon. And it was just, it felt so far from my identity to be someone who literally stays home during the day and eats junk food and watches TV on the couch. Like just felt so out of [00:07:00] character and I felt so out of control and I got pretty scared and worried and that's when I reached out, actually heard the podcast first and I still remember doing it because it was like kind of a big leap for me.
And I remember just thinking, like, I had, I had done therapy before and spiritual direction, and I just thought I want to tackle this thing because I've had food issues for as long as I can remember, once I started thinking about it, and instead of kind of like a broader therapeutic approach, I want to just hone in on this behavior. And that's why I reached out.
Christina: Yeah. It's so interesting. How did you find the podcast? If you
Maddie: Christina, I was like searching on the internet and in podcasts, like binge eating. Like I was so just in that state of like throwing paint to the wall and seeing what sticks. I just need help.
Christina: Yeah.
Maddie: And so I found breaking up with binge eating started listening there. And I was like, you know what? I'm worth [00:08:00] the money that it takes to pay for coaching, because honestly, for a long part of my life, I wouldn't have thought to pay for something like this.
And I thought, you know, if I do anything with this very liminal, ambiguous time, if I do one thing and the one thing is like getting into my eating issues, that's probably a really good thing to do. So.
Yeah
Track 1: And I appreciate how you said, like at the beginning when you were starting to have this big transition and you noticed there was like a lot more time by yourself and this uncertainty and lots of rejection, lots of things. It wasn't as if you were dealing with. Binging consistently, it was almost like with difficult transitions or things.
It was like a pattern of behavior you returned back to because this difficult, hard things you were going through. And even though it's an exciting thing and you're with your partner and you're like doing this new adventure, it's like this uncertainty [00:09:00] and this. You know, what, what's next for me? And that kind of brought up, well, what's familiar?
Well, this thing that I used to do when I was a kid. And I think that's really common, but it also was cool to hear you say, when we started together, you had this foundation of, this is how I like to eat. This is the identity that I have associated with. I like to fuel my body with healthful meals.
I like to be active and you were feeling that just. Dissonance with like who you know yourself to be. So a lot of people have experiences in their lives where they have had a time where they felt healthy and felt like they were, eating in line with their values and taking good care of themselves.
And so when we have difficult situations come up, sometimes that's what triggers the, well, this is comforting to me. So I'm going to eat in front of the TV and I'm going to deal with, This hard [00:10:00] thing, this uncertainty in a way that feels, sometimes it's like, it gives us a sense of control, but then it's like that out of control feeling that happens when we go there.
But you definitely had a great foundation coming into coaching. Like you said, you had experience with spiritual direction with therapy. So coach, the coaching relationship is slightly different, but it's more specific to your food challenges, but it encompasses all of these other things like your emotions and like, how are you really feeling?
And what are some other strategies we can try besides using food to cope with a difficult thing? It's a very difficult thing. So yeah, I think that a lot of people will resonate with that. I wasn't doing this. This isn't who I am. Where did this come from? Kind of situation. But knowing that You needed some support and someone who specialized in these specific type of challenges because, it can support the therapy and the other things that we do for [00:11:00] ourselves.
So I appreciate you sharing that because I know it's hard to reach out when You're struggling and it's hard to make an investment that, you know, in coaching, especially if you're like, ah, I don't know that I would have paid for this other times in my life. So you mentioned that it was feeling really uncertain and scary. And like, you really didn't want to be doing these things to deal with this difficult transition. And so that's what made you seek out coaching. You Googled it, found the podcast and started listening and then initially reached out to Georgie for help. And then we got connected through that. So we've been working together for about. Seven months, I think.
Maddie: something like that. Yeah.
Christina: So tell me, what does life look like now? You know, how have things changed since starting coaching?
Maddie: Yeah. What's wild, Christina, is not that much has changed. [00:12:00] Like, and that, I think, is a huge Thing. So even just this, this last week, for example I think I had like four instances that in the past I would have chosen to binge like a classic, Oh, it's a rainy afternoon and I don't have anything to do, and I'm home by myself, or I've already been out for like, you know French fries and fried chicken and beer. And now it's late night and I'm just going to keep going because I've already ruined the day. Or I don't remember, or I had, you know a long day and an unsatisfying meal. And so I'm just going to have like popcorn for dinner. And then that leads to many, many other items. These same instances came up this past week and all four times I instead chose not to binge. And. That is really cool to say and to feel. And I will say, honestly, not that much is different because [00:13:00] my progress was not linear, which we spoke at length about, because was very unhappy that I think so many of us, me included feel like you should just get better and better and better.
And I did not, I kept binging. Like being one week with no binge and no purge right now feels huge. And I worked with you for seven months. So for me, there were a lot of stumbling blocks and a lot of quote, slip ups, or mishaps. which now I see as a really positive thing because I've learned to be really resilient.
And I feel really strong. Like my worst fears have come true in these last seven months, I gained weight, like, and that was something that for the last two years, I was getting very, very, very thin because I was running a lot and eating very healthfully and I was, I was eating lots of vegetables. I was eating a great, you know, diet.
And I was terrified of gaining weight. And so I started binging and purging [00:14:00] and I really messed up my metabolism and my pants don't fit the same. And I don't think I've ever felt this positive about my body because we've been doing the work that make me appreciate it for all the things that it does for me, not just for being thin.
And I appreciate. That I keep showing up for myself. And for me, that's been really key that, okay, I chose to binge and purge. Well it doesn't mean I have to do it again tomorrow. And so some of the things that I've done to get there have been working on, naming my emotions accurately and learning to regulate them.
A big click for me was when we talked about. Maybe I'm not just overwhelmed. Maybe I'm not just tired, but maybe there's kind of other things there. I learned to do nothing and that was really cool. And I could just choose to rest. I didn't need to take a nap or watch TV [00:15:00] or eat a snack or do something else to put off an activity that I don't want to do or force myself to work out.
I could just rest. So I feel like I've been learning these. Ways to regulate and take care of myself that make me really trust that. I don't need to be binge free for, six of the last seven months to be like a coaching success. You know I feel pretty confident that I know how to work through this now.
And I guess that's, what's really different, right. Is that in the beginning it felt so out of control and I was so fearful and distressed that I reached out and now I feel pretty confident that like, I know what to do when the urge arises, right? Yep.
Christina: Yeah. So many good things there and I can think back to a lot of our conversations where. You touched on a lot of the stuff we worked on together. First was, you know, let's anticipate what the challenges are going to be, because it's not as if, even if you have all the tools you [00:16:00] need to be successful, it's just like in a perfect world, you don't have challenges. And it's just like, yeah, I just do this for the rest of my life and be binge free. Yay. But as you experienced, there are going to be more challenging days than not, so let's make a plan for that. Let's try to have some kind of strategy to know, okay, when I'm alone a lot, or when I have a rainy day, or there's not a lot of structure in my day, or I'm feeling like a low mood that's going to make me a little bit more vulnerable to these behaviors than.
On a day where I'm with my people and I'm having a lot of social interactions and I have structure and I feel like I have purpose. So understanding what can trigger the urges to binge and at first it's almost feels automatic for a lot of people. It's like, this is just what I do when I have this low mood and that's becomes like a very habitual thing.
And then when you bring awareness to that, Oh, this is how I feel. After you give yourself [00:17:00] time to reflect, like what was going on with that binge? Like what led to it and really understand What triggers your binges? So anticipating those things and getting really curious and reflective about you and your life and getting to know yourself.
Like what is, what is it that I'm seeking this behavior out so much? So that was one thing. And then the other thing, like you said, we want progress so badly to just be like this straight and Like upward movement, but it's not always that way. And in fact, it's hardly ever that way. So when we know there's going to be slip ups and setbacks, how do we manage that?
How do we deal with those things? And so that was a lot of what we talked about too, because the only failure is just like quitting, giving up on yourself. Like there, if you have a slip up, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's a great opportunity to learn and get curious about what was going on for you and try to implement [00:18:00] an experiment with other ways of dealing with hard stuff.
Cause like hard stuff is going to happen. So how can we help ourselves in different ways? And. the other big part of it was just regulating your, your emotions, because if we know we're going to have difficult emotions, then food has served a purpose for that. You know, whether it's to stop feeling a negative emotion or to try to generate some kind of positive emotion, or just to like, Stop feeling for a little bit.
I think one for people. And if we can understand how to name what's going on for us, we can have some other actions we can try to take and not put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. And I think for someone like you and a lot of people I work with, you. Have these tendencies to have like high expectations for yourself because you have these like successful women in your [00:19:00] life that you look up to, you want to be successful and this place of uncertainty where you're like, I'm applying for things and not getting back.
And there's this waiting period of applying for PhD programs and like, what am I doing? And so that could cause a lot of uncertainty. And for many people, it leads to wanting to control the one thing we know how to control, which is our food and our behaviors. And that can lead to highly rigid control and restriction, which as we know, can then lead to binging as well, because it's like, I want this control, so I'm going to tightly control what I eat.
But then I can only do that for so long before. I'm like, screw it. So we talked a lot about the screw it and all or nothing thinking, which is a big one that comes up. So all of these things we've worked on. And then the last thing you mentioned was body image stuff, because. When we are eating sporadically or having [00:20:00] these, rollercoasters of what we're eating and how we're eating, it can make changes to our bodies and sometimes the negative feelings we have towards our bodies can trigger the screw it or the rigid control. And So when we address that as a separate thing, we can actually lead to more healthful behaviors. We can say, I deserve being taken care of. Like, I deserve to eat healthy meals because I feel best when I do that.
And. We worked on identifying values a little bit too, because if we have our values and we eat in alignment with them, if we behave in alignment with them, that can help us feel like, even if our body doesn't look like the way we want it to, at this point in time, we know that we're treating ourselves the way we want to, and we're living within our values.
And I think it can be a big way [00:21:00] to know we're moving towards something, you know, if we don't look the way we want to right now, we can kind of put a pause on needing to make any changes to our physique. While we work on these other things, you know, it's fine to have physique goals, but when we're like overly invested in that and a sacrifice of everything else, our mental health, our emotional health, and, you know, doing punishing workouts to make up for things I think that can just keep us in that cycle. So,
Maddie: absolutely. And I'll say like I feel like for, I spent so much time of the last seven months or whatever, longer than that, 'cause it took me a while to reach out for help. So the last, I'm gonna put it longer, longer than me, Bing for the past. Like I can't even tell you how long so much of my self worth was tied up in, in how I look. And I don't think I would've said that before spending this time to really think about that. And, and before gaining weight too. [00:22:00] And like, my pace has declined and my ability to run has declined and I don't feel as fit. And I realized like how upset that I was because of that. I didn't realize how much I had invested in that and I didn't know other ways to take care of myself. Honestly, and that sounds funny because I'm a person who, who prays and a person who journals and takes hikes and meditates and does a lot of things that we would associate with self care. But diet and exercise were kind of the main regulators.
And when I felt like I was just screwing up at that, those things, I felt like a screw up like as a human. And so even experimenting with thinking about other ways that I take care of my body. Like I think one time I mentioned like wearing my retainer and flossing are like, excellent. I have done something fantastic for myself.
I wore my retainer tonight. Or even like remembering to put on lotion. I have like terribly dry skin, even in this very humid [00:23:00] place. And like, I speed through that routine so much or doing stretching in the morning because it's just good for my body and makes me feel good all day and has nothing to do with the performance standard.
So even just letting myself or reminding myself that I can take care of my body in different ways has been empowering. And I will say too, If I was listening to this, I would think like, damn, this sounds really hard. Like getting to the core of like my values and who I am and my self worth and my body image.
Like I have to do all of that too. Not in my case, not binge eat. And I would say, no, you don't. I think there's kind of this, you don't have to get to the root of all of your childhood trauma and feelings and be totally like aligned and copacetic to not binge or whatever the behavior is for you. I think I also kind of had that false belief [00:24:00] Like, if I'm perfectly aligned and balanced, the healthful eating will come from there. And I've learned that one, you can still just decide not to binge, or you can still just make a good food choice. And not everything has to be perfect about your life. And you can make a just okay choice. Like choices aren't necessarily good and bad.
They can be like neutral. we talked about convenience foods and Like here, seven 11 is everywhere and sometimes you're busy or on the road and you get a meal at seven 11 and it's probably really processed and like, just okay. And that's okay. It's not, it's not good or bad. And not every single choice is perfectly aligned with my values and meeting all my standards and goals.
And I can mess up like all those things can happen. While you're learning about yourself and you're not doomed to like these behaviors that you don't want. You're not stuck with them while you're waiting for some kind of eminent self discovery, if that makes sense.
Christina: And you bring up a good point because [00:25:00] not everybody, everyone is on their own journey. So for people listening, it might look very different for them. All of these things can be helpful, but it's not as if, like you said, we don't have to get to the bottom of the, the childhood trauma, but understanding the why behind what we do can be helpful. And if it's just a habit, we can create new habits. That's the good And all of this stuff is really, it's like any relationship, your relationship with yourself. It takes time. It takes getting to know yourself and understand like what you're doing and why. And, and it doesn't have to be overly. Traumatic or complicated or like dramatic, I should say.
Maddie: I will say too, like together you helped me like look at and evaluate my behaviors from a lens of curiosity. And there were definitely times that I didn't want to I think in the past I would either just go into like the shame, the [00:26:00] shame cave, the shame spiral, and just really beat myself up for binging. And then I would restrict. And then I would binge again. So that wasn't working. Or I would try to just forget it and move on. Oh, I'll just be better tomorrow. Oh, I just won't do it again. And neither of those we're really working. And so in the beginning, when you helped me to more look from a place of curiosity, or even kind of just strategic, like you talked about developing strategies for the different situations and and that.
That was helpful because it pushed me to not just sweep it under the rug like it happened. And I need to take accountability for that to want to change and create new habits. Yeah. And also like taking away the shame has been really, really big. Like this felt like the shameful deep dark secret, because it's something that should be so easy and normal.
Like it's quote, just food and everyone else seems to be doing it just fine. Which I think. The [00:27:00] more I talk to people, especially women, they also really have a tough relationship with food, but in my head, everyone else seemed to be fine. And I had this totally out of whack, experience and it felt very shameful.
So dusting off the shame and approaching with curiosity were really, really big. And I think you were really helpful to get me to that too.
Christina: that's awesome. And it's true. Like, I think a lot of us think that growth happens when we we just need to have more discipline and more willpower and, and shame can be a driver for that. But what a lot of clients will realize is that self compassion for some people is off putting because they're like, Oh, that means I'm going to let myself go. Or I'm just being soft with myself. But self compassion actually helps us take responsibility because it's this caring, wise, strong version of ourselves that we can tap into and [00:28:00] say, What was going on there? Let's approach this as a learning experience, not sweep it under the rug and make excuses, but really understand why I did that because I'm worth figuring that out. And so we reflect, we learn, and then we try new things. And if it happens again, and often it does happen again, we can approach it again. Okay. What were the things? Oh, now I can see this is a pattern here or what led up that. And really treating ourselves, not with shame because it might work temporarily, but it feels really crappy.
And self compassion is a gentler way where we can actually be effective, take responsibility and learn from those kinds of situations. So and being open to that as a really important thing, like as a client, you know, if you are really like, no, I have to shame myself into this change. It's very hard to work with that. Yeah. But you were open to trying a lot of different things, [00:29:00] even if there was some resistance, which is normal. Like anytime we challenged the status quo, we're going to have a little bit of like I don't know about this. This doesn't, this might not, you know, cause it's a self protective thing.
So being willing to experiment with different things and try it out and also know like, I don't have to do this forever. This is just an experiment, and then we evaluate from there. So your openness has played a big role in that as well. Did you have anything else that you wanted to share?
Can show you if you do, but,
Maddie: yeah. I will say for mood that was really big for me. So as someone with depression and anxiety mood is something that I have to regulate. And I knew that food impacted that because I get migraines. And when I first started really paying attention. To what I was eating. I was tracking my migraines and I was noticing that my binges were setting off migraines. And so that was kind of my first [00:30:00] indicator of how body and food are related, you know, besides like having a hangover in college, right? That was one of my big markers of, you know, What I eat impacts my emotions, right. And my psychological wellbeing. And I do notice now, I mean, it goes both ways. So if I feel really down. Then I end up bingeing or overeating to try and self soothe, but also what I eat impacts my mood. So it began to feel like magic when like, Oh, if I just eat three meals, my mood is so stable.
If I eat, you know, protein, my mood is much more stable. And my day feels so much easier and I feel so much more at ease and less anxious in my, in my relationships. And I have more energy to exercise and do things that I enjoy doing. So I will say what I eat for sure impacts my mood. And that it's much easier [00:31:00] to do those other things like, make choices aligned with my values or check in with my emotions and name my emotions if I'm eating regularly. So I'll say that for the mood. And then the other thing that I don't think we touched on that was really big was learning different ways of self talk. I think , as a perfectionist, my self talk is very critical. My inner voice is very critical and quite negative. And so learning ways to kind of talk back with empathy and compassion. And in a way that feels wise and authentic, you know, not everything is, is great and I'm in love with my body and I'm in love with my life. Because that's just quite simply like, not true. Talking back to myself in a way. To kind of combat that inner critic or that negative voice has been really, really helpful for me because it's that like crafty whatever you want to call the, the urge.
I know Ed is a popular name in [00:32:00] books and I use Ed sometimes. And in spiritual places, we'd call it like the evil one. I mean, whatever you want to call that thing that talks back to you and makes you think that you're, you're lesser than or less worthy or not worth it or screw it. How to talk back to that and disassociate that from my being, I think was super, super important.
So the very simple exercise of I'm having a thought that.
Christina: Yeah.
Maddie: I'm fat. It is just a thought and it will pass. I'm having a thought that I am alone and no one cares about me and everything and it's the worst. That is a thought and it will pass, you know, so just kind of learning yeah, how to speak back to, I don't need to eat that. I'm actually very satisfied or that meal kind of sucked and I'm kind of disappointed, but that doesn't mean that I need to go for a pint of ice cream now, you know, just even how to talk back to myself was pretty big. I think one time I told you that like I was so [00:33:00] hungry and hangry and cranky and coming home on this like crazy long commute that I have late in the evenings.
And I like talked to my tummy and I was like, thank you for telling me you're hungry. Like because I was learning how to talk positively to myself and my body. And it's kind of great now to be hungry. I will say like when you get back to being able to identify when you're full and when you're hungry, it feels awesome because it's your body is supposed to work.
Christina: yeah, definitely. And it's normal to not be familiar with those things when you have had sporadic eating or like you're used to ignoring hunger because you are afraid of gaining weight. Like tons of people I talked to deal with that. And you're totally right that it often starts with our thought life. Our self talk is hugely important for this work. So, you know, if you notice that you are highly critical, it's not that, you know, it's that part of you that's trying [00:34:00] to help because you are worried about, you know, that rejection or oftentimes it's rejection. Like, I'm worried if I gain. fat that I won't be accepted and loved and belong.
And, and that's like a whole nother can of worms that we could go into, but it is important to acknowledge, like, how true is this? Like, let's challenge these unhelpful thoughts and beliefs by first, de-fusing from them, separating from them a little bit, but also recognizing that you can have a preference, but that doesn't mean you're going to put some kind of demand on yourself or criticize, like punish yourself to get there.
It can simply be like, I'm having the thought that, or I prefer to be in the, a leaner body. But right now what's best for me is eating more regularly and doing these other things. And that's what feels healthy for me. And you're totally right in that body appreciation or having a positive body image does not necessarily mean [00:35:00] like shouting affirmations in the mirror and like loving every part of yourself.
Like that feels a little woo woo and a little cheesy anyway. It's like, no, truly what are more helpful ways of looking at myself and what behaviors do I want to do in order to help me feel my best and show up in a way that I want to show up in and have these relationships and food certainly has an impact on that.
Our frequency of eating are like what we're eating. And It can impact our mood and our thoughts and our feelings. So it's all connected. And that's why we want to address these different things. Cause if it's like simply, I'm not eating enough and I'm hangry all the time. And I also like am dissatisfied with my body.
And I spend a lot of time thinking about that. And, you know, I'm also dealing this environment that's different for me. And that doesn't feel very comforting either. Then of course, we're going to seek that out with With food and stuff. So changing our thoughts, [00:36:00] addressing and identifying our emotions and also just like physically satisfying ourselves with balanced meals all play a role in in the journey of recovery from all of this. And I want to touch on something you mentioned earlier, which is you notice other people you're like, it feels like I'm the only one who deals with this and other people seem to be just fine. But then the more you learn about yourself and the more you interact with other people you realize actually everybody is kind of obsessed and preoccupied with what they're eating and how much they're eating and what they look like and I think it's really important to recognize that because disordered eating isn't a visible thing all the time.
It's not like this obvious thing that people are struggling with, but if you understand it a little bit better, you can see, Oh yeah, but we never know what's going on in somebody else's mind and their own relationship with their bodies. And a lot of times people in [00:37:00] objectively thinner bodies are just as miserable as people who are in larger bodies.
Everybody's on their own journey and it's not always like, A visible thing. So if you recognize the way somebody else eats, it can be easy to compare, but you are the expert of your body and you have to figure out like what feels nourishing to me, what feels best for me.
And we are impacted socially by other people, but as much as we can, I think that's why it's important to identify those Values, but you just never know what people are going through. And just like you felt like it was such a hidden and shameful secret for you. I think a lot more people are dealing with this kind of thing than we realize.
And just to try to have like so much compassion and understanding, but also like not try to compare your own stuff with other people. Cause you just don't know.
Maddie: Yeah. And that's a way that I've grown [00:38:00] to you know you mentioned the all or nothing thinking, which, you know, perfectionist, a marathon runner here into the all or nothing thinking. And also very like judgmental, like having high standards for myself and putting this like right and wrong on body and food choices. Of course bleeds over into how I see other people, right? And I don't mean that in a way to sound, to sound malicious, that I'm a hateful person. But once I started, something that we talked about was like noticing other bodies. And that became so Wonderful. Like when I would feel, Oh my God, I feel so fat.
I feel so unfit just not comparing myself to the people around me. Oh, they're so thin or I'm thinner than that person, you know, not doing the kind of sizing up and instead just noticing all the different body types around me, I started to notice. Oh, there's so many [00:39:00] beautiful people here and, and it really, like, in my head, it's almost gotten to be this like song, like, look at all the beautiful people.
Because i've started noticing more, like everybody's body is different and everybody's body is, is fine, you know? Not, of course people people that struggle with sickness and people have their own issues with food and with body image, but I have found myself becoming so much more empathetic, so much more compassionate.
Like I really do see how one could spend the entire day on the couch eating chips. Like I really do. And I really do know. And I know what it feels like to be running and For the first time and for it to be really hard. Like I know what it feels like to show up at the gym and feel really insecure. Like, I feel a lot more space and compassion and empathy for others and also just awe that wow. And everyone keeps doing it. Everybody, all these [00:40:00] people came to the gym too go them Like we're all here doing workout class with our teeny tiny weights, like go us, you know, I'm walking down the street and I'm like, that old lady, she is walking here too. She's pushing her basket. Like, man, that's so great.
You know, like that dude at the gym. That dude on that bike. He's doing awesome. I just, it has changed the way that I see myself in relationship to the people around me and also has just kind of given me a new appreciation of people like showing up, even though they struggle. Right.
Christina: definitely. I think that's such a good point. And it's, it's normal to compare. I think that's just part of being human. It's like, how do I measure up with all of these other people? But what we do with that comparison really matters. Like, is it to make myself feel better temporarily, or, you know, do I worse about myself for comparing, but just noticingwhen we're doing it and [00:41:00] then maybe reframing it for like, wow, look at all these various body types and all these people out living their lives and neutralize it in a way. Instead of making it such a personal condemnation or, or celebration based on like, I'm better than this other person because at the end of the day, that's really just objectifying bodies and objectifying ourselves because like, Oh, my worth is tied to how thin I am compared to this other person or how strong I am in the gym.
That's one that I do. I noticed myself doing where I'm like, how, how much is that person lifting? Oh, can I lift that much? And it's like, why am I doing that? Like I can celebrate the fact that, wow, another strong person here at the gym. Like, so cool. And it doesn't have to go any further than that.
But it is a normal human thing to do. It's just like being aware of that is really, really Significant. And then what am I doing with that? And it sounds like for you, it's really turned into seeing like the beautiful people that [00:42:00] inhabit our world and celebrating them and developing more empathy and also appreciating the world we live in and the people that exist in it. And it doesn't have to go further than that. But if you notice like that self deprecation that happens, that's a good warning sign and that's another thing we talked about with our, as we were wrapping up our coaching together is like, what does this look like for you to maintain for the rest of your life?
Like we talked about warning signs, like, what do I know is going to get me back on this path of, Not behaviors that I want to do anymore. That person who I am not anymore. And what are some things that I've learned? So like really mapping that out for you so that you constantly reference and it's not just like I'm doing it for this period of time.
And then like, good luck. Like you're on your own. It really is developing skills that you can use for the rest of your life. That's the idea anyway. And knowing where to look out for if things start feeling [00:43:00] unstable again.
Maddie: And I will say, like I said, I feel confident moving forward because I think before, you know, I, to, to manage, I would like wake up and do my morning stretches and like a morning meditation, pack a salad for lunch and make a plan for exercise in the afternoon and make a plan for dinner. But it was like, if something on that game plan went awry or I didn't do it it was like, Oh no, now what am I going to be okay? But now like there was no game plan, like, didn't know I played a call. I was on the bench, like I was on the bench and I have learned to regulate on the bench. And so I kind of feel like the skills that I've learned. Yeah. I don't need to keep a master schedule or tick a certain amount of boxes or prescribe to some magic formula. I just kind of have these enduring skills that I feel like will [00:44:00] carry me forward.
Christina: Yeah, that's awesome. And from my perspective, I think you definitely, you had a lot of skills coming into this. It was honing them in a little bit and also adding to them for you to carry in, and I think you're going to be great. So a couple final questions as we wrap up today, first, what was different about coaching with me versus other solutions that you had tried before we worked together?
Maddie: Sure. I would say just that last thing we were talking about, it got me to actually practice the skills. Like I have learned how strong habits are. Because one unlearning a habit that I don't like has been really, really hard, but then also realizing, wow, habits are really strong once you cultivate them, you know? And so having a coach made me practice the behaviors that I kind of like knew were good for myself, but it's like, it gave me data points and a way to put them in [00:45:00] into play. Right. So I think you hear something like regulating your emotions or eating in line with your values. And you're like, yeah, I want to do that.
But the coach gets you to the how do you do that? Which is where so many of us are. Struggle, you know, like I think coming in, I could have told you a lot of the things that we ended up talking about and like talked about them and said they were great, but like putting them into practice was where I was getting stuck saying that's, what's different.
And that's what was helpful.
Christina: Awesome. Yeah. And, and you did it, you were the one practicing it week to week, but yes, certainly I think the coaching relationship can be what were, what went wrong there? Like if you didn't do it, whereas when it's ourselves, depending it's like it's okay. Like putting it off is so much easier because we don't have that external support and validation and accountability.
And I, I'm that same way. Like I hire coaches for other things too. So we all need that support sometimes, even if you have the [00:46:00] knowledge, oftentimes it's like a gap between the knowledge and the action. So many people tell me like, I know what I need to do. I just can't get myself to do it
Maddie: Can't get myself to do it. Yes.
Christina: So I appreciate you saying that.
Final question, if you have any words of wisdom, or if somebody is listening to this and they're on the fence about hiring a coach or doing this to get help and support with their eating challenges, whether it's binge eating or other things, body image related things what would you say to them?
Maddie: Like touches at my heartstrings it makes me just, like, feel so tender for the person listening. Because I was and am that person, right? I would say you are worth the effort. You are worth the investment and it's worth a try, I think this is what I would say and keep trying.
Christina: [00:47:00] Yeah,
Maddie: making the effort.
Christina: Yeah, such an important message. People need to know that they are worth it. So, thank you so much, Maddie. I appreciate your time and transparency and vulnerability and.
I think it's going to encourage a lot of people. I think it'll resonate with a lot of people. And yeah, I just appreciate you sharing all that today.
Maddie: Well, I really appreciate, I feel like a little emotional now. I really appreciate you. Like, I really, I'm so thankful to have gotten to, to do this with you. And I've been so thankful for your, for your support here. Christina has been really, really important for me. So thanks for meeting me. Few people, like, have been able to meet me where I'm at here. And you're like, 1 of those people in this weird space who yeah, has made the effort, taken the time and met me where I'm at.
And this was like. And still is like a very difficult thing for me. So I'm just [00:48:00] so appreciative of, of you and grateful that we've gotten to work together on this.
Christina: What did you think about Maddie's story? I love how her story has come full circle in a sense. She started out by listening to this podcast and hearing stories of people just like her, which helped her to make the decision to reach out. What part of her story did you resonate with? I hope you picked up on the fact that this is an ongoing journey. There is not a sense of I've arrived and now it's over. This is about continuing to take the time to get to know yourself, be aware of your needs and challenges and learn how to support yourself through life's changes. If you have struggled with binge eating, that doesn't make anything wrong with you or make you a bad person. In fact, those behaviors are just a sign from your body that you need taking care of. I hope Maddie's story inspired you to get a [00:49:00] little curious and know that you are worth figuring this out. If you are looking for some one-on-one support or are interested in learning more about our group coaching option for breaking up with binge-eating, visit confident eaters.com and send us a message. Thanks for listening and we'll see you in the next episode.