Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
In The Room is the podcast from Women's Career Room, a community centered on supporting women of color navigating professional spaces.
Each episode starts with a question, an idea, or a tension worth exploring. We might agree, or perhaps not. But we'll always have a real conversation. No pretense. No code switching. No judgment.
Because the best discussions happen when we can show up as our full selves and explore ideas openly. When we're willing to think out loud, challenge assumptions, share experiences, and see where the conversation leads.
This is In The Room.
Kimberly: As Black women,
we understand hell.
We damn near invented being on the grind.
But in terms of corporate America,
there's a difference between being
valued and being utilized, between
you grinding and someone else growing.
Too many of us wear that go-to
badge like it's some kind of hero.
Trust me, because I did it too.
And then we figure out the go-to person
plaque is being used as a substitute for
actually getting the title, getting the
actual raise, getting the actual project.
Amber Carter is here with me in the room.
Amber spent 15 years in corporate America
getting all the pats on the back, doing
the hard grind, and building up others,
until one day she stepped into her
own worth I got to know Amber when we
worked together, and when I tell you
Amber is raw, Amber is real, and you
are gonna wanna hang on and hear this.
Welcome, Amber.
Amber: Thank you, Kimberly.
Kimberly: Let's just go ahead and jump
right in with what I said in the intro.
Many women of color experience
being the go-to person without
receiving the promotion.
You tell me, how do you
distinguish between being valued
and being utilized or even used?
Amber: Yeah.
That's a great, jumping off
point, before I explain that
difference, I just wanna say that
I've realized that I'm
not a victim to any of it.
I wanna make sure that I posture my
responses as not being a victim, because
for a long time I felt victimized, and
that is not a place of power for me.
I just wanna couch that, that all
the discussions we're gonna have
today, I'm speaking from a place
of power and no longer a victim.
So to answer your question-
Kimberly: I'm not, not to talk over
you, but I absolutely love that.
Because I do think that's the other
thing that happens, is when we speak
on things or call a thing a thing,
people assume that we're talking
about, oh, that we're victims.
But you can be still talking
about something and calling it for
what it is in an empowering way.
Amber: Thank you.
I don't know if you remember the
corporate term called the four box.
Okay.
They had various co- quadrants that
leadership would place individuals
based on their performance and
contributions to the organization.
Well, very early on in my
career, I was considered a high
performance, high potential.
You know, there were underperformers,
there were low performance, and
they also measured your risk to
the organization if you left.
I was so excited to learn
that I was a high performer.
I delivered strong results.
I demonstrated leadership capability.
So therefore, I assumed I would
be considered for promotions and
succession planning and executive
development, and receive visibility
and strategic assignments.
However, I often worked for leaders
who appreciate what I could do for
them, but there wasn't the same
investment in what I wanted to become.
I was a high-value utility player.
I was considered that because I
could perform in multiple roles,
solve problems across departments,
and make leaders successful.
But because I was useful everywhere, no
one was motivated to move me anywhere.
I was treated like a permanent MVP.
Everyone wants the MVP
on the field, right?
But not everyone wants to
lose them to another position.
I was celebrated for performance, but
not always considered for progression
Kimberly: so when you think about
then your 15 years in corporate
America, what first made you realize,
hmm, that growth was being limited?
Amber: Yeah, when I realized that I was
high potential and what I understood
that to be, that if I performed this
way, then not expect, but I should be
able to grow within the organization,
even some executive development.
But I began to question my high-po status
wasn't allowing me the advancement I
should expect, because I was told, and
I probably should not have been told
this, that, yes, while you are a high
potential, you are considered low risk.
And what that means is that the
company doesn't believe you will
leave the organization because of
the dedication that you've shown.
So I became a victim of my
own competence, Kimberly.
I was so effective in my role that
moving me created more risk in the
organization than leaving me there.
My success became a reason to keep me in
place rather than a reason to advance me
Kimberly: I'm sure when women hear
that, one of the questions that
comes up then is what kept you there?
Did you ever consider leaving earlier?"
Because 15 years is a long time, and
it sounds like you started recognizing
it, what was that turning point?
Amber: Yes.
When I realized that I was considered
low risk to the organization because
of leaving, and being a high potential.
I was highly valued in my work.
As I mentioned, I was a utility player.
You put me anywhere, I could
hit the ball out of the park.
Not saying that as gloating, but
it was truly in my reviews, right?
I'm wondering and I'm questioning, why
am I not moving like the person next
to me who is also considered a hypo?
What I was told was that I was
considered low risk, meaning
that where else would I go?
So I was like, "Okay, I'll show you."
I started to apply for roles outside of
the organization, and actually inside
of the organization too, but outside
of the organization stands out to me
because this was so impactful to me.
I began applying for a role, and I
got to the end where you kinda know
when you're gonna be made an offer.
So was really excited about
it, but the offer never came.
I reached out to the recruiter and she
said, "I'm gonna share this with you,
but if you ever tell that I told you
this, I will deny telling you this."
And she said, "Yep, you
were our final candidate.
The hiring manager reached out to your
boss because he/she knew who they were
and wanted to give them a heads-up
that they would be making you this
offer, just as a friendly gesture.
And your boss said, 'If you
poached her from our team,
you would be crippling me.'"
And so first of all, that's
illegal for that conversation
to have happened, but it does.
It happens more than you think
because we know each other.
As friends, we'll have those
conversations that are on the fringe.
Let's call it unethical.
But that conversation was
had, and I knew about it.
It further solidified my belief, Kimberly,
that as a Black woman surviving was
my go-to muscle and never thriving.
You may ask me about the skills
that I developed because of that
experience that I had, and I
didn't necessarily develop skills.
What it did, it made me angrier, more
resentful, and all those emotions
that keep you from standing in your
authentic power, which is a full
circle moment right now for me because
that's the reason why I said I don't
wanna come to this conversation as a
victim, because I've learned from it.
But in the midst of it, I felt angry, I
felt defeated, I felt resentful, and just
again, surviving, never really thriving.
Kimberly: I can't imagine hearing those
words when you're going through whatever
it is you're going through in corporate,
you're putting yourself out there.
And I'm thinking of the people who are,
you know, this is hitting their ears.
And I was like, "What?"
That, that is absolutely crazy,
and I'm sure in a lot of the ways
that, that you said with the anger
and all of the emotions, you did
what Black women do all the time.
You had to, put that smile on,
pull yourself up and get through.
Amber: Not always.
Kimberly: Really?
Amber: Most days I could do it.
Kimberly: I think that's important.
What do you think that got you
through on those most days?
Amber: My leader threw money at
me, and I appreciated, the money,
knowing that I was selling my soul.
And I don't, I don't mean to be so
dramatic when I say that, right?
It was the trade-off.
Let me throw you more money so you'll
stay, because now you've proven to
me that you might be a high risk of
leaving the organization, that other
companies do see you as valuable.
Let me throw you some
money and satisfy you.
And it did for a while.
Kimberly: Do you think that how you
reacted to tho- those situations
and everything that was going
on is rooted in, our childhood?
Amber: My, my childhood experience is
a direct correlation to who I I guess
how I showed up in corporate America.
I grew up in an all-Black community
at an all-Black parochial school.
My first encounter with a person unlike
myself, I was probably 16, 17 years
old, my first job at Burger King.
But anyway, I went to college,
was the first person in my
family to go to college.
I was afforded a a role at a television
station because I declared my major as
a broadcast journalism major very early
on, and, I had two years under my belt.
When I was t- it was time to graduate, I
wanted to become a reporter, and I went
to the news director and I said, "Okay,
here's my newsreel, the thing that you
showed us, show that, 'Okay, I'm ready.'"
She said, "You know what?
I don't think you have what it
takes to be a news reporter."
Oh my God, I was so devastated
because I believed her.
And I went to my mother, obviously
devastated, and my mother believed her.
When I say that my mother believed her,
what my mother said to me is, "Listen,
you're a little Black girl in the South
and you're reaching for the stars.
Let these white people have
what the, belongs to them.
You have your degree now.
Why don't you go work to this," there
was a factory, a Fruit of the Loom
factory not far away from where I
lived, "and go be an inspector for
30 years and get your retirement?"
That's the only tools that my mother had
in her toolbox, to be able to give to
me as my pivot on what it is I deserved.
Kimberly: I still think that those
things happen today in communities.
I'm in Atlanta, Georgia, you go into
South Georgia and those types of
things where people are like, "Don't
reach too high," and they definitely
play that way out with Black women.
Little Black girls, "No, But when you want
X, Y, Z, but part of us even internally
sometimes go, "But do I deserve that?
That starts to play in your own head.
Were there moments when you accepted less
than you deserved because part of you
just didn't feel like you deserved more?
Amber: Absolutely.
So I, I do agree with what you're saying
about as Black women, when we're little
Black girls, we're taught to play it safe.
Even just to go to college is a big deal.
When you get that degree in your hand,
it's like, go be a teacher, go be a nurse.
Not that those things aren't
admirable, but it's playing it safe.
That is the thing that molded,
that attitude shaped my desire.
Like, I know, Kimberly, that anything
I put my mind to, I have the confidence
to deliver, which I often do.
At the end of the day, when I
deliver that thing, I don't feel
as though I'm deserving of it.
The difference between those two is
there's confidence, that's one thing,
but then there's self-worth, and
that's another big, hairy, scary thing.
So confidence, yep, I got the skill set.
You give it to me, you know,
we were talking about the pinch
hitter, I can hit it out the park.
The value, the self-worth, right?
So I won an Emmy Award.
I look at that Emmy Award and I
know that I worked really hard and
the work that I did to achieve it.
I look at it and I go, "I,
do I really deserve that?"
I came up as a little Black girl in
the South, not with much expectation.
I look at it, and I'll sometimes
self-sabotage certain things that I
do because of my lack of self-worth.
Kimberly: I'm sitting here just reflecting
on the many times even myself going,
in that back of your head, there's
that voice of who do I think I am?
Even with this podcast, there's
the part of me, of like, who do I
think I am to sit here and do this?
And I, I feel that even sitting
in, in this chair right now.
You've described yourself as someone
with tremendous confidence but struggle.
I think many Black women kind of, that
tug of war between those two things.
In your words, though, can you help
describe the difference in your
mind between those two concepts?
Because I do think that people go, "Well,
we don't understand what the difference
is," and there is one that plays out.
Amber: Yeah.
I'll try to describe it the way that,
you know, therapy is my best friend.
Being able to talk, to a stranger about
things that matter to me that are not
gonna get repeated is safe for me.
She brought it to my attention, my
therapist, because, I would come
in very confident and I wouldâ¦
I was able to elaborate on all the check
things that I'd been able to accomplish in
life, including starting my own business.
But then at the end of the day, I
would self-sabotage, and she would
go, "Why are you self-sabotaging?"
What came to was, "Oh, you
don't feel as though you deserve
what you've accomplished."
And that's because of all the
programming that I grew up with and
playing it safe, playing it small.
Don't shine your light.
You might intimidate others.
I've started doing ketamine-assisted
therapy, and it's where it takes the,
the things that are way, way, way
deep into, you know, they call it the
monkey mind, and it brings it forward
so that you can finally address those
things that keep you playing small.
Because, I mean, for the life of
me, I would not want to intimidate
people with my big personality.
And so that's just a part of my journey,
getting to self-worth, and I get
glimpses of it in starting my business.
You know, I walked away from
corporate America, a very, I'm
doing air quotes, I know you
can't see me, but a very safe job.
Physically safe.
There was money in my bank account.
It might have not always been
emotionally safe in corporate America,
but I knew every two weeks I was
getting a deposit in my account.
I know I had great health
insurance, and I walked away from
all of that to bet on myself.
Kimberly: You mentioned a couple of
words in that answer that I'd love
to double-click into, because one of
them you said was intimidating, and
you didn't wanna be intimidating.
And I feel like Black women often
get labeled that either formally
in, reviews or conversation
You're intimidating people.
Did you ever also feel at any point that
, because of the messages you had received
growing up, that you were being gaslit in
corporate America and, you know, buzzwords
or what are they called, dog whispers
were being used to kind of try to keep you
feeling that same way about self-worth?
Amber: Yeah.
Showing up as a Black woman in corporate
America with those stereotypes of being
aggressive, being, angry, yes, sure.
I, I wear that badge of honor.
Why?
Because as a project manager, I often
was responsible for herding very
feral cats, and I would have to say
that I was successful in what I did
because it wasn't because of diplomacy.
It was not because of diplomacy.
I utilized, I brought that to
bear in being a strong Black
woman, and it worked for me.
It worked for me I know people
are probably going, "Whoa."
It really did.
It worked for me to be aggressive because
of all the things that I contended with as
a young Black girl that I had to overcome.
I used itâ¦
I didn't use it as a weapon.
That there's a difference
between using it as a weapon and
using it as my S on my chest.
Kimberly: I think that's
a very valid point.
It doesn't have to be a negative, but
it doesn't also have to be a, a bullet.
There's a way to actual- depending
on what your role is and what you're
trying to, to get accomplished.
Amber: A- absolutely.
I could have finessed a little
bit more sometimes, but I didn't.
It worked.
Kimberly: I've seen you in action, so
I can definitely tell you it worked.
And that, that's the double-edged
sword sometimes with it, is it
works and the people that are
around us want the outcome.
They want that, but they have issue
with the way that we have to get there.
That's the thing that works.
Amber: That's, that's it.
It's like I know that I was f- fighting
a losing battle, that if I came in
demure, I was gonna lose anyway.
If I came in hot, I was gonna lose anyway.
I chose the way that was most
comfortable for me, and did it my way.
Kimberly: I love that.
Do you mind if we get back to the
messages that you talked about
receiving tell me a little bit more
about just the value, your voice,
your place in the world- Yes ⦠and
how those messages shape the way that
you view yourself now as an adult.
Amber: You're gonna make me cry, Kimberly,
on this one because this one goes way
back to when I was in first grade,
so what am I, six years old, right?
I was always a very creative child,
and my mother used to put me in
these little, Twist A Bead, things
in your hair for your ponytails.
I don't know if you remember- Yeah
⦠but they look like little balls.
I don't know if you use those, but
anyway, I used to take them and cut
them and make it into a ring so it would
look like a big old bauble on my finger.
And I would go to school with my big old
bauble ring, and I was in a parochial
school, right, so we had a uniform.
Fitting in and complying and all of
those things were very early messages I
received in going to a parochial school.
So here I come in my uniform
with my big bauble ring.
My first grade teacher, Sister Francis,
bless her heart, she called me up
to the front of the class, and I
thought she was gonna brag on my ring.
What she said to the entire
class was, "This is not what is
appropriate to wear to school."
I was six years old.
Kimberly: Wow.
Amber: I looked up at her, my eyes
are glassy full of water, and to
make it worse, she called up my best
friend, who came up and had this
beautiful little dainty gold St.
Joseph's ring, and she compared us
and made her right and me wrong.
So all of my life I've been trying to
get Sister Francis's, judgment of who I
am, being a bold, creative person out of
my head and step into my authentic self.
I'm doing better at it.
Every year gets better, but think
about how long I thought in my head
I was wrong for being a creative.
Kimberly: And being bold,
just be breaking that mold.
The other thing that you, touched
on is the fact it's not an
overnight process to deprogram.
It's not a read this book, go
to this class, go listen to this
podcast, and boom, the messages
are all of a sudden gone.
Do you think that your struggle with
self-worth caused you to even stay in
situations, corporate America situations,
longer than what was serving you?
Amber: Absolutely.
The wrestle with myself in
corporate America was I'm not a
color-inside-the-lines person, but
corporate America makes you do that,
that whole compliance thing, right?
And so absolutely I came in,
tried to fit in, until I can't.
You know, there's a struggle with your
soul that eventually you can't, and
when you start to honor that you can't,
that's when the magic happens, right?
I guess the beauty of the leaders that
I had, they saw that when I allow Amber
to be her authentic self, that's when
I get more productivity out of her
than when I try to put her in that box,
whether it be that high po box, that
high-performance box, or whether it
would be, just the box of compliance.
Yes coloring outside the lines was
always my, I guess in my DNA, but was
restricted a lot in corporate America.
Kimberly: Because they wanted you
to stay not just in a box, but their
box- tell me then, you, you've made
the decision you're gonna leave.
What, what did that moment feel like
when you had to first say those words out
loud to someone that you were leaving?
That you were leaving something
that you admit you were successful
at, you were doing well, you
were making the good money.
All of the, the golden handcuffs
that, that we get accustomed to.
But you were- Yeah ⦠trying to,
live your more authentic self.
Amber: Yeah, those were actually
platinum hand- handcuffs, you know?
I'm glad when I decided to jump.
That's the best way to put it.
Because no one pushed me off the ledge,
meaning no one said, "Okay, well, we're
downsizing now, and so your role is
being eliminated," or none of that.
When I decided it was time for
me to jump, I am so glad that I
didn't think about it that long.
I just knew I was done.
You know when you just get to that place?
Oftentimes we are in romantic
relationships and you just
become like, "I'm just done.
I don't love you, I don't
hate you, I'm just done."
I knew in that moment I needed to
have the hard conversation with the
leader that I was doing my job and
his job, and it was time for him to
go earn his money and do his job.
And just, I was done, what I call
being the corporate mammy, and
just saying those words out loud is
just so triggering to me because,
I know that I just put in the work.
On the other side, I had no
idea what it would be like.
It was scary at moments, but that
level of freedom, that if I knew that I
could work this hard for someone else,
I can work even harder for myself.
I took that bet, I made
the leap, and here I am.
Kimberly: That's what I
was about to ask you next.
When did you know that that next chapter
officially was gonna be entrepreneurship?
Amber: I am, Kimberly, you may not know
this about me, a serial entrebrokeneur.
Serial entrebrokeneur.
It's always been in my blood.
You remember we were talking about I,
how I just am a creative DNA, right?
Always looking forâ¦
when I first got out of college and I
couldn't be a journalist, what did I do?
I pivoted and I became a pharmaceutical
salesperson, and that's when I was
first introduced to merch, swag,
and when I would give them the mugs
and the pens and the pads, I saw
how excited they would get, and I'm
like, "You mean to tell me an adult,
who can obviously afford this merch,
is getting excited about this?"
I'm like, I can't wait until
one day if I can sell this for a
living, that's what I'm gonna do.
But again, that's 20
years l- before, right?
Fast-forward- I also had, a pet
taxi company called Pets on Wheels.
I had another corporate job that
had caused me to travel a lot,
and my poor dog, Clifford, was
always in the boarding camp.
The boarding owner would call me,
"Amber, you have to come get Clifford.
I said, "Man, I don't have
anybody to go pick Clifford up."
So I was like, "You know what?
I'm gonna create a pet taxi service."
We would pick your dog up, bring it
to boarding camp, all the things.
And then 2009 happened
and there was the bus.
I can go on and on all of my ventures
that didn't quite launch, but the
beauty of the story that I'm telling
you is that I never gave up on myself.
What I did do was I had more fear
than faith for a long time, which
is what kept me in corporate America
that long in between these ventures.
Because every time I would think
about it, Kimberly, I'd go, I remember
when that past due bill came in.
I remember when I was three
months behind in my mortgage.
I remember when my credit
score was in the low 500s.
I'm not gonna do that to myself."
What I traded for my creativity was
stability, a presumed security, right?
My, but my soul is just aching for what I
know God truly put me in this life to do.
Then the cum- culmination of what I'm
describing to you at the end, at the very
end when I had enough, and I don't know
if it was I had had enough in corporate
or I'd had enough in selling out my
soul to what I really desired to do.
Kimberly: Your life's purpose was
finally breaking through at a time
that you were ready, ready to hear it.
I-
Amber: Yeah.
And that's why-
Kimberly: I truly believe these things
Amber: happen ⦠I ho- I'm sorry to
interrupt, but that's the reason why I
can't feel like I'm the victim, because
all of those things that I described
in my corporate experiences of, you
know, feeling like, un- unrecognized
and undeserving, were things that were
required for me to get where I am.
Let's say if I was being promoted and
I was getting to the levels where I
thought I belonged, would I be here?
Probably not, because of
those platinum handcuffs.
So I'm so grateful for all the people
and the things and the circumstances that
were not comfortable that brought me here.
Kimberly: But even entrepreneurship
is not rainbows and butterflies.
What surprised you most in now becoming
this, complete full-time business owner,
you don't have the safety net versus
your years in corporate leadership?
Amber: Ooh.
When I tell you being an entrepreneur is
not for the faint of heart, particularly
when I decided to do it in my late age.
Because my runway is shorter
I have to make this work,
even in the moments of tariff.
So what I do with Loud Mouth Merch
is I help companies use merch
to brand themselves with their
consumers or target audiences and
create experiences with their brand.
And so it's creative.
Of course, I love it.
I'm doing it in the time of tariffs, I
often source my merchandise from overseas.
What happens for me as a business owner
is that my margins begin to shrink.
But, you know, at the end of the day,
I'm really loving working really hard.
I'm really loving learning
about my self-worth.
I'm learning and loving being my own boss.
But it's still scary.
Kimberly: I know we spent a lot of
time talking about maybe some of the
negative things from corporate America,
but are there lessons that came from
your corporate life that have been
valuable in building Loud Mouth Merch?
Amber: Of course.
Lots of things.
The thing that I'm learning most
in being a business owner is that
my customer is always right, and
here's what that really means.
When I had an conflict with a colleague,
I can walk away from that conflict, I
can maybe address it, but I had a choice.
With the customer, I can't
walk away from that conflict.
I really need to ask them, not to
come to the table, but to ask them
wholeheartedly, "Is there dissatisfaction
there in how I'm performing for them?"
And I have to care about it, there
is only customer satisfaction.
Learning that has been the biggest
lesson as being a business owner
Kimberly: I'm also curious because we did,
delve into your relationship with your
voice, your creativity, your leadership.
Has owning your own company changed
that relationship in any way?
Are you seeing a difference there?
Amber: I think front and
center in launching my business
is that self-worth thing.
That is front and center because more than
ever I have to rely on me, Amber Dawn.
And so the value of me in being able
to walk into a new client and ask
for the business, that's self-worth.
I- it's not necessarily self-confidence.
Believing that God will inspire
me with the next idea to be able
to grow my business, that's not
self-confidence, that's self-worth.
So it's the believing in myself, the
deserving part of me that says, "You
made this decision, this hard decision
in the most extreme economic conditions.
You're betting on yourself and
you're gonna win," that's self-worth.
And so every day that's front and center.
When I look myself in the mirror,
I'm like, "Okay, God, this is
what it took for me to get here."
Kimberly: It definitely sounds
like, being an entrepreneur,
having Loud Mouth March has helped
strengthen your sense of self-worth.
But I'm also kind of curious as
to whether other challenges around
worthiness have now popped up.
Amber: Yeah.
Not having the same money in the bank.
I mean seriously, Kimberly, and I
know there are many people out there
listening will agree that my correlation
to the number in my bank account
said to me, "You're s- you're smart.
You're important.
You're good.
You're gonna make it."
But that is the struggle that God is
working with me right now and is creating
are those illusions, those fallacies
of no, that is not where your value is.
Your value is in the belief in yourself.
It- the money will come.
I know the money will come.
I know that the money that I have invested
in my business, and it cost a lot of
money, will be replenished not because
of the connection that I believe to
the digit, but because of the belief,
It's an energy thing.
Kimberly: I'm gonna ask you
then, what's been harder?
Actually building the successful
business because you know that
you can do it, or believing that
you actually deserve the success
Amber: yeah.
Believing that I deserve it.
Every day I have to ask
myself, do I deserve it?
And even the days I tell myself, yes,
I deserve this, I worked really hard
for this, I find myself sabotaging.
Self-sabotaging, right?
And so let me tell you what
self-sab- sabotaging looks like.
I will pull out, put out a feeler.
I'll reach out, and then the person
will be dismissive, and or I think
they're being dismissive, right?
And so that's where the ego will start
to go, "Well, you know, they really just
don't like you," or, "You know, they
really just don't wanna do business with
you 'cause you're a Black person," or,
"You know, because you're a woman is why."
That is what self-sabotaging
behavior looks like, is when your
ego gets involved in telling you
what is really, really not that.
And then the person calls
and you're going, "Oh, hi.
How are you?"
And they will be apologetic and
say, "You know, I know you reached
out to me a couple of weeks ago.
I've just been really busy.
My mother was in the hospital."
And then you feel like shit because
here you are telling yourself
that you weren't deserving of that
person reaching back out to you.
Kimberly: I'm pausing because that's,
there's so much there and it's so deep
it happens on so many levels, and I'm
even reflecting back in my own mind
at those triggers that I think are
very deep for women, and particularly,
again, kind of Black women that will
probably relate to your mind goes to the
negative so quickly versus the positive.
Amber: I think, you kind
of have to learn that.
You know, our friend Erlette
does it so well, right?
To the point where it's,
like, disgusting, right?
Even if she's gone on vacation and it
wasn't a great vacation, she'll still come
back and go, "You know, it was amazing
because God did exactly the experiences
that I needed to show up for me."
I'm like, how do you get there?
It's such a privilege
to be able to be there.
Because for me, for so long, it
was easy just to be the victim.
In my victimness, I will blame
you or make you wrong because you
didn't respond the way I needed
you to be to self-validate me.
No, ma'am, that is not your
job to self-validate me.
Kimberly: I do think it comes
from tying your worth to
productivity, and a thing happening.
How did you start to get in this
space, or how would you recommend women
listening that are tying their worth
to productivity kind of move past that?
Because that to me is
the light bulb moment.
That's the shift.
Amber: Yes.
Ooh, that's a good one.
I'm so glad we got on this one.
Whew.
I couldn't work hard enough, Kimberly.
I prided myself on outworking people.
You started with that premise, right?
What I now know is I won't do a thingâ¦
I almost show up lazy, and it's
beautiful that I work for myself,
but I now understand, when I
say energetically and being an
entrepreneur, it comes from inspiration.
I can be in meditation and I will
hear God clearly say something
to me, and I act from that space.
I'm not going to send out five more,
like I'll go, "Okay, I'm gonna send
out 20 feelers today," and then if
I'm not hearing anything back, then
I'll go, "I'm gonna send out 30 now,"
and then I'll go, "I'm up to 50."
No, no, no, no.
I wait and hear the inspiration of
God's voice say to me, "It's not
the quantity, it's the quality of
inspiration of that position you're
working from," and then I move.
Now, I know that's gonna sound a
little woo-woo to people because people
think, we have been programmed to think
the harder the work, the better the
productivity, the better the results.
That's bullshit.
Kimberly: Absolutely.
That is the biggest lie that is
sold, it keeps you on the hamster
wheel, even in your own mind.
It keeps you in that mindset of, "I have
to do more, I have to do more," and like
you said, we've watched multiple people.
For those of you that heard Amber
did go ahead and give my tease
to the next podcast guest that I
have, who is Earlette Frye, right?
So I'll, I'll use this as the tease there.
But yes it is such a talent to be able to
move past, this is why I'm worthy and this
is the positive side of everything, and
she does it like no one else, for sure.
But I am gonna ask you, a hard one now.
I'm gonna ask you to fill in the blank.
The most powerful lesson I learned
from having my growth blocked was
Amber: The most powerful lesson that
I've learned from having my growth
block is I stood in my own way.
I used to blame privilege, meaning white
privilege, meaning, oh, this, my white
counterpart didn't need to work as hard,
and yet still they were able to achieve.
Maybe they had it right.
Maybe they didn't need to
work as hard, and they just
believed and therefore achieved.
I stood in my way believing
that I needed to work harder to
achieve, rather than believing.
The believing for me came later
Kimberly: Is that one of the things
that if you could go back and kinda
have a conversation with your younger
self, those messages, or anyone
younger now, what would you say?
Is that one of the things you would say?
Amber: Yeah.
Oh, I, I have trouble with that
question is that my, my therapist
will often ask me that question.
I'm like, "Can we just leave
that little girl alone?
Poor thing.
Hasn't she survived enough?"
You know, it's like, "If you
would go back to your 13-year-old
self, what would she say?"
And she would say, "Girl, we're good.
We made it.
Look at us.
We skinned our knees, we banged
our heads, and yet we thrive."
And so what I'm going to say to
the younger selves out there,
bang your knee, all theâ¦
ruin your credit.
Do it while you're young
because you have an opportunity
to pivot and make it better.
Don't start learning the hard
lessons in life late in life.
Color outside the lines right now.
Don'tâ¦
Get outside the box.
Do all the things to skin your knee now
so that when you are in later in life and
you're in recovery mode, I don't wanna
say it's easier, but it's more insightful.
There's more retrospection about it all.
Yeah, that's it.
Kimberly: That sounds great, and it
sounds simple, but I'm gonna ask you.
You spent- Oh, not simple ⦠years
helping, build someone else's y- vision
and now you're building your own with
Loud Mouth Merch, and you're creating
opportunities on your own terms.
But what do you say to the
woman that goes, "I get it.
I hear you.
I'm listening."
She knows she's capable, but she's
waiting for that thing, and I'm gonna
do the air quotes, of permission.
Amber: I'm going to say to her, "If
you're waiting for permission, you're
waiting for permission out of fear
that you can't give it to yourself.
If you have any fear of flying, don't
fly, because you will hit the ground."
Don't do it until, not saying complete
confidence, but until you have enough air
under your wings that when you do have
that fear, you're still able to soar.
You might come down a little bit, but
you're still able to soar above it.
I would say to the person, unless
you're ready, not 100%, but unless
you're in that 70% mark, don't do it.
Don't do it.
And I, and I know people will be
disappointed in hearing me say that,
but I'm only saying that, Kimberly,
is for me, I wish I had listened.
Kimberly: I think that matters.
Sometimes I do believe that everyone
hears the advice of, "Go, jump, do."
But it's not for everyone, and that, that
is the absolute, that is the absolute real
Amber: It is not for
everyone when you're in fear.
And I'm not talking about that healthy
fear, because I still get afraid, right?
But I'm talking about that fear of I amâ¦
That self-worth, that part.
When that is not intact, yeah your
foundation is still a little too tattered
Kimberly: Amber, I can't thank you enough
for being in the room with me today.
For those of you listening, Amber
Carter is the founder and chief
creative officer of Loud Mouth Merch.
She can be found at loudmouthmarch.ai.
All of her information will be
attached in the show notes and in
all of the creative for this episode.
She is my girl.
She is real.
Hopefully you got that sense.
And there is just so much to learn
about being truthful with yourself and
with your journey, and walking through,
your life and listening to your soul,
and no one does it better than Amber.
I remember going into her office
many a times and, and getting
these same words of, of wisdom.
Again, Amber, from my heart,
thank you so much for doing
this and sitting down with me.
Amber: I just want to once again
congratulate you officially on
air for being able to do this.
I think the timing of what you're
doing, Kimberly, is so important,
not just for women of color who is
experiencing unemployment at r- in
record numbers, but for all women,
all people who need to be able to
reintegrate the soul with the head.
The head will often tell
you, "Nope, you can't do it.
You don't deserve it."
But the magic is when the
heart and the head aligns.
And so these messages that will come
from all the remarkable people that you
will interview, including myself- Yeah.
⦠I just want you to know that the
timing could not be more perfect.
Take that as you know that you're in the
perfect place of where you need to be.
Kimberly: Oh, thank
you so much, my friend.
Amber: Thank you.