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The Senior Hub Podcast is a resource hub for planning and caring well for your aging parents and loved ones. This podcast tackles everything from data, to key terms, to personal stories, to sacred moments, to tricky family dynamics.
Join hosts Daniel Alexander and Rebecca Hill as they engage their guests, and each other, on this most important topic. We are all learning about this topic as we get older. Let's do it together.
Find us at www.theseniorhub.com
Hello, and welcome to the Senior Hub podcast. I'm Daniel Alexander, the founding director of The Senior Hub, and I will be your host for today's conversation. Our hope is that by the time we're done, you'll feel a little more equipped and maybe even a little more hopeful for whatever's ahead. So without further ado, let's dive in. In our last episode, we mapped out the senior living landscape.
Speaker 1:We talked about four tiers and many key terms and even a sense of what it all may cost. Today, we wanna dive into part two of this, the personal side. How does Margaret's family actually find the right community and what to look for when they get there. And honestly, what does it feel like to make that decision? So Rebecca Hill, our Chief Care Strategist has walked this road literally hundreds of times, right?
Speaker 1:Indeed. So we are calling on her to help us navigate the more personal and tangible side of this, of getting this done. Let's dive in. Margaret's family has decided to explore these senior living communities as an option. Where do they even start?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Most people start with the almighty Google, which is great. It's a great, starting point just to aggregate information about, you know, what is available. You do want to look at your search criteria. So these will be ad driven results that you'll get, but using keywords is really, a good idea.
Speaker 2:You may include the level of skill that you're looking for in a community, the Can I stop
Speaker 1:you there? The level of skill. When you say skill, what do you mean?
Speaker 2:So in the last episode, we unpacked the four tiers. So independent living, assisted living, memory care, or continuing care retirement community. If you know that you need some supportive help, you might include the search term assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing.
Speaker 1:Got it. When you're saying skill, you're meaning the tier the amount of support that they're providing to
Speaker 2:the That's right. That's right.
Speaker 1:We're assuming that all these workers in these communities are skilled people.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But
Speaker 1:what skills do they have?
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:Okay. So Google is a is a first step.
Speaker 2:It's a great first step. I would, again, just underscore. These are ad driven results. So you're gonna want to kind of search down the page and look for specific, you know, indicators that that don't say, you know, Google ad driven, Google boosted, whatever the term is. Right.
Speaker 2:Don't just add your information everywhere. Due diligence, read, you know, read reviews of communities, and then determine, is this in a geographic location that that suits your needs? And then go ahead and begin to make some phone calls. I will also say that there are groups that do placement. So you'll often find at the top of the Google search list, ad driven references to these companies.
Speaker 2:It's really important that you, a, don't give out your information freely, but then also understand that they may be receiving money from the community to fee place. And so just know that those companies exist, ask how are they making money, and ask if your information is being shared. So you can oftentimes do that in a chat related to any of the websites that you're being led to. I think I just want to call out that those, groups do exist online.
Speaker 1:Got it. So what's the downside of putting your information in? Don't you get better information if you put your information in?
Speaker 2:Well, but you also might have your information shared with people that you don't necessarily want your information shared with.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So just keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. All right. How else do people find basic information? Like Google, yes.
Speaker 1:Are there other like key websites that you already know of? Or how is AI factoring into any of this?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I mean, all of the above. So you could use an AI tool to just put in your search criteria and then they, and then it also ad driven often will connect you to websites that are specific to your search criteria. Now there are people who do this, senior living, navigators who are either going to be paid fee only or, again, they're gonna be contracted with communities to receive a placement fee.
Speaker 1:Got it.
Speaker 2:Again, just understand where the how the money is flowing, how those people are getting paid, they can be really useful.
Speaker 1:I'll state the obvious, that's part of what Senior Hub is doing, right, is coming alongside of families and helping them navigate all of this discussion.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I wanna highlight that we are a fee only, not contracted with specific communities, so we're not receiving any we're not giving any biased, you know, information based on where our contracts lie. There aren't any.
Speaker 1:Amen. Okay. Great. If a family such as Margaret wants to narrow this down themselves and create their own shortlist
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What are the key criteria they should be thinking about as they're creating that list?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Number one is geography, usually. People want to keep their loved ones near. So what's available in a certain radius, and you can even radius search, communities in the area. You know, you're gonna you're gonna look at what amenities are available.
Speaker 2:What are the Google reviews or, you know, AI search reviews? Make a short list and then begin to call.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Engage.
Speaker 1:What about costs? Can you can you Google that?
Speaker 2:You can, but you're really not gonna get to today's price Right. Until you call and make an appointment through the sales department. And that's where your first phone call is gonna land, is in the sales department.
Speaker 1:Okay. All right. So, you're calling, and having a conversation with them. What questions are you asking? What's the first thing you need to do?
Speaker 1:Walk me through the next steps.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the sales team is going to ask about you. What's triggering your search? Who are you looking for? Is it one or two people? They're gonna ask, you know, generally, what were you looking for?
Speaker 2:A studio, a one bedroom, a two bedroom. They'll talk about what sets them apart as you unique in their space. And then if they are, you know, good at their job and engaging with you, they're gonna invite you to come and tour, and you should do that.
Speaker 1:So you should actually go to these places and walk around in them. Is it kind of a open door, I assume, with staff, walking you around policy?
Speaker 2:Yeah. You you certainly wanna be guided by somebody internally in the community, but they'll oftentimes invite you to lunch. Take them up on that. You should visit not just during a guided sales tour, but, plan to visit again just to get a real sense of the community. And you should tour it off hours.
Speaker 2:You know, midweek looks different when you've got a full staff of people, versus a weekend.
Speaker 1:Okay. So you're saying go maybe twice to especially the second time, the ones you're really interested in. Right. And do you need to call for an appointment, or do you just show up and say, I like to walk around?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Most communities are accustomed to visitors for residents. So they're gonna be accustomed to you. You may have to sign in. You may have to declare while you're while you're there, but you go at an off hour just to get another sense.
Speaker 1:Got it. Got it. So checking in, I'm sure there's safety and protocols and all that. But checking in, putting on a name tag, and then walking around and Exactly. Getting a sense of it.
Speaker 1:Okay. As you walk around and tour Yeah. Talk to me about what you're looking how you're evaluating, what's going on in your head Yeah. Not personally as you're walking somebody through a community like this.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So just use your senses. Get get a sense for is is the community welcoming? Are people generally happy? What are the sights and smells that you're taking in?
Speaker 2:Are people, you know, playing mahjong? Are they, you know, having snacks or, you know, is there a small gathering? Look to see how engaged the residents are. You know, all the ways that you want to feel welcomed, you want the residents there to feel welcomed.
Speaker 1:Is it gonna be okay for us to talk to the residents?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I highly encourage it. I mean, people who are out and about in the community often want that engagement. So they are more than willing to talk with you and you'll get the real deal story from the people who actually live there.
Speaker 1:Got it. Do they ever, like we did back in college, do they have residents give tours or is it mainly just a staff?
Speaker 2:Know, they do have ambassadors who sometimes they'll invite over to just, you know, chime in to the conversation and say, Betty's lived here for three years and, you know, she moved here from Florida or, you know, something like that. They'll they do tee up those key residents who show well. Sure. And are very happy.
Speaker 1:Great.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:All right. So I assume you take a tour, observe and you're using your senses like you're saying.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And then you'll sit down with the salesperson probably to talk through in more details. What are you asking of those salespeople as you're trying to get a real sense of the details and the data and what do you need? What information do you need to get?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you might go ahead and ask, how often do people move out of the community and why? But then, of course, as you're sitting down with the salespeople, you'll ask, you know, what kind of leasing structure is this? Do I have to buy in on some level or is there a community fee? Sure.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, you'll ask if we find out that this is not the best place for mom, how do we exit the contract and are there any penalties? So you'll you'll just ask those generalized questions much like leasing an apartment.
Speaker 1:Got it. What about turnover or are they willing to share In basic information like
Speaker 2:terms of staff.
Speaker 1:Staff or Yeah, you mentioned residents already, but staff as well.
Speaker 2:For sure. I think that's an indicator of, you know, a healthy, happy staff is understanding how long people have actually worked inside the community. Mhmm. And so I would ask that question.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Okay. I'm thinking about Margaret herself. At what point, maybe everybody's different, but at what point does she go on all these tours?
Speaker 2:I would invite her as soon as you feel like there's some certainty about you have a sense that you like this community, but she is the the, you know, test indicator. If she doesn't feel all the feelings there, welcomed, seen, heard, it, you know, it may not be a good fit for her, and you'll know by her reactions.
Speaker 1:Sure. Okay. Yeah. We wanna make sure that she's included at some somewhere in the process.
Speaker 2:100%. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay. Once the family finds a community or one or two communities they love or they really are more interested in, how does that process work to say yes?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, you know, better communities may have a waitlist. Don't assume that you've now identified this gem of a community and you're gonna be able to move right in. So that's another question that you might ask the sales team. Do you have a wait list? And if so, what, what kinds of accommodating services can you offer those on a wait list?
Speaker 2:So there's kind of this emerging model of, wait at home models where you can use the services provided at the community, I would just ask that question, is there such a model in place? But do be prepared to wait and, you know, ask about what accommodations can be made. You can even be prioritized on a wait list. You should ask that question.
Speaker 1:How do you get prioritized on this?
Speaker 2:Ask are there ways to to be prioritized on the list?
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. What if this whole conversation is a result of Margaret's falling and she's fallen again and we know she can't stay home and she needs to get into a community like next week? Yeah. How do we handle that if there's wait lists?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Unfortunately, crisis is never, you know, a good impetus for move, but you you may just ask about what what are the push in services that that can help Margaret in the community? And then, you know, if we have to move within the community, what does that look like?
Speaker 1:Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Okay. So your recommendation is to get ahead of this as much as possible?
Speaker 2:Yes. Always.
Speaker 1:I assume so. I mean, it's like buying a house. You don't wanna do it in the last minute, but Right. There's a need to get out and see what's going on
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:And see what the options are. Okay. All right. That's all the informational side. Wanna flip now to the more emotional side of this.
Speaker 1:How do you suggest we, as Margaret's children navigate the conversation? What does this feel like? What's going on within our own psyches as we experience something like this?
Speaker 2:Well, so much, and I just want to validate that. It's a huge decision to move mom into a community, and there are real feelings around it. You've heard people say, I'm never sending mom to a facility. Well, we don't have facilities any longer. We have communities.
Speaker 2:And I think that's the encouraging piece is that communities look so different now. And I think key pieces are, you know, having conversations about what feels like the right next step. What's the family's involvement going to be once mom is moved? And then keeping mom involved in the selection process, as much as possible to her ability and, just know that communities can be safer, better structured, than what family can provide, and you've got more eyes on, which in some ways is high value. As we age, we want people to see how we're changing.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how do you recommend to people that they can navigate through this process? What are some steps or, I don't know, books or things to do to help this process to move forward?
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think just normalizing the conversations early and often, that change is coming. And so if a change is needed, how are we going to approach as a family? There's so many online tools that can help with just, you know, talking through the process and knowing that you're not alone in the process. You know, early on we talked about, or we haven't talked about on the podcast yet, but Alula, which is a chat based website where people can talk about changes and aging challenges and moves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just head online, there's all kinds of chats, but groups like The Senior Hub are built for these kinds of conversations and keeping things focused on your needs, your criteria, your preferences, your values, having advocates to give you inside knowledge often is really invaluable.
Speaker 1:Well, thing I've heard you say a number of times now is normalizing the conversation. Yes. I do appreciate that reminder that this isn't, it's complicated. It's not over the top, you know, hard to figure out, but it does have a lot of pieces and we wanna make sure we step into it.
Speaker 2:And also, you don't necessarily know what's going to trigger for you as a family until you start having these conversations.
Speaker 1:Got it.
Speaker 2:And I use the word trigger in good and bad ways. There are opportunities within the conversations, but there are also hurdles that you don't want to have to clear in crisis.
Speaker 1:And everything that you share is triggering other questions and next steps for us as we go. So let's wrap up this conversation for today. Thank you for helping us navigate exploring senior living communities.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We are excited to step into this with you if you're listening, but we want to also remind you that's just two options. We're gonna dive in in our next episode to a third option. For some families, they don't wanna necessarily go into a senior living community. They wanna talk through this option of maybe we should all live together and take care of one another. Most families think about it, but don't actually talk about it.
Speaker 1:Honestly, we want to dive into it just a little bit. What would it look like to bring Margaret into our house? Lots of questions and conversations there, but that's next. So thank you, Rebecca, for joining us and for preparing for that conversation we will have.
Speaker 2:It's a bold choice.
Speaker 1:That's our conversation for today. Our hope is that you're all walking away a little more equipped and maybe a little more hopeful than when we started. Wherever you are on this journey, call us at any point. We are here to help. Thanks for joining us, and we'll see you next time on the Senior Hub Podcast.