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This Jewish Inspiration Podcast is dedicated to learning, understanding and enhancing our relationship with Hashem by working on improving our G-d given soul traits and aspiring to reflect His holy name each and every day. The goal is for each listener to hear something inspirational with each episode that will enhance their life.
All right welcome back everybody to way number 17. Way number 17 is with limited intimacy. Again just like we spoke in way number 16 of limited business, it does not mean to minimize but rather to have balance. The same thing is with intimacy. You know what is the single greatest desire that every human being seeks? It's not sexual desires, it's happiness. Everybody seeks happiness. But why is intimate pleasure so sought out? You look at the world out there,
it's such a a sought-after pleasure. So we have to understand that the fundamental Jewish principle is that life is for pleasure. God brought us in this world for pleasure. Every second should be pleasure. But God gave it to us to enjoy, physical pleasure to enjoy, but not to get carried away with fake pleasures. There are real pleasures and there are fake pleasures. In the first chapter of the Ramkhal's writings in Mesilati Shurim, Ways of the Upright,
what does he say? He says man was created for pleasure. The problem is that everybody likes cheap pleasure. They don't want to work hard for pleasure, real pleasure, godly pleasure, eternal pleasure. Every pleasure that God created, God created for man to enjoy, but perfection of that pleasure is with balance. Marriage too needs to have its balance. You know, the blessing of a wedding under the Chuppah is the most remarkable blessing. It says, that God prohibited us women who we're not married to and allowed us women we're married to.
Meaning there has to be a balance. There has to be a balance. A person who just runs around who just runs around being with people that the Torah forbids that he's not married to is problematic. There's no balance. And if you talk to people who live a life like that, they say it's unfulfilling. They think it's going to be fulfilling. They think it's going to be pleasurable and it's not. The wedding blessing teaches us that it's forbidden for
someone to be with someone they're not married to. And if you are married, there's a balance. Like everything in life, we need balance. The power of having a way to express a love, but not to be too engrossed in physical pleasures. There's a proper way. There's a proper way. How we approach intimacy is a barometer of how much you are generally in control of your desires. The balance that one has with this very important way because we see
a world that is completely immersed in running after temporary momentary desires and in many cases one have no repercussions for it. The Torah guides us how to enjoy pleasures, all pleasures. Food by the way. Hashem gives us food for what? You think it's for us to suffer? No. God gave us food to enjoy. That's what he gave us, good food. But even with that, we have a balance. Because if God forbid we don't eat healthy food, we lose that balance. We're unhealthy. It can shorten our lives.
It can do damage to us because we have that imbalance. We need balance. Intimacy for its own sake is degrading. It should represent something. It should represent the relationship. It should represent the love and then it's uplifting. Marriage is a holy act of unification which helps lift us into a connection with God. The relationship that a man and a woman have is a reflection of the relationship they have with the Almighty. If they're in tuned to their spouse, they're in tuned to God. It's a reflection. It's a live
representation of the relationship with God. Okay, so intimacy is an eternal bond. Choose your eternity carefully. When you choose to minimize in anything, for example, I choose to minimize what I eat now. Who's in control? When you minimize, you're in control. Too much of anything isn't good. You all know one of my weaknesses is barbecue potato chips. I love barbecue potatoes. There's no such thing for me just taking a few barbecue potato chips. One, I'll just have one.
There's no such thing. It's one bag. All right, when there's nothing left in the bag, that's when I'm done. So what do I do? I have to limit myself from barbecue potato chips. And I specifically, every time I go to the store, I'm like, just one bag, you know, just one bag. But I have to limit myself because it's not healthy. But too much of anything isn't good. You know, my father, for his bar mitzvah, got an entire box of chocolate. Not one bar of chocolate, an entire
box of chocolate. And after downing all that chocolate, never wanted to eat chocolate again. Too much of anything isn't good. You have to understand that this is the balance in life, the balance, particularly in a world that is obsessed and completely consumed by things of sexual nature. The positive and proper sexual life is what the Torah says, contrary to Christian life. The Catholics, the priests, they abstain, they have a life of complete abstinence. And why? Because they want to remove themselves from a physical pleasurable life so that they
can enjoy a spiritual life. That's not what the Torah says. The Torah says, on the contrary, someone who's not married, a rabbi who's not married cannot be a teacher. Why? Because it's not a healthy balance. You're going to meet the children's mothers, and things can happen. You have to be in a healthy relationship. The Kohen Gadol had to always be married. There's no such thing as having a... Why? Because we take the physical sexual relationship and elevate it and make it something which is holy. It's not just a physical
dirty thing. On the contrary, in Judaism, it's considered a dignified holy act, as a way in which it should be done properly. Derecheretz also means knowledge, general knowledge. So with that, we have to understand that everything that you have in wisdom, you have in Torah. I'm talking about science, mathematics, everything, everything. You can possibly imagine you have it all in the Torah. By the way, anyone who's interested in knowing, Pi 3.14, and you can go through all the rest of the... That's in the Mishnah and the Talmud,
in Tractate Sukkah, page 7a. You go look, and you'll see it has around Sukkah, and it talks about what's the dimension of around Sukkah, and it tells you exactly the diameter based on... Exactly. Where did they get it from? And that's written 2,000 years ago. All wisdom is in the Torah. The damage of instant gratification, people are looking for instant gratification versus a balanced, pleasurable life to work hard for something. We have this culture, like this hookup culture, or pornography, that people are trying to find an instant,
pleasurable experience instead of an investment in something which is real, in something which is tangible, in something which is long-lasting. So there's an entire idea in Judaism of how to keep a relationship fresh. A man and a woman that are hopefully married for 50, 60, 70, 80 years with good health, how do they keep an excitement and an energy and a desire between them? So then we have the special laws of nidah. The special laws of nidah is that when a woman menstruates,
there's a separation between the husband and wife. What that does, the Talmud says that the proper observance of the laws of nidah makes it that a man and a woman reunifying every month when she comes out of the mikvah is like a bride and a groom. It's 12 honeymoons a year. That's what the Talmud says. It's an amazing thing because, yes, that's what's going to keep it fresh. And it's not surprising that in the Torah observant community, the divorce rates are
less than five percent. Less than five percent. While in the general community, the divorce rate is between 50, 60 percent. And then in some counties in California, it's over 100 percent because people have had multiple divorces. But let me just explain to you how the system works so perfectly. A friend of mine called me up. He says to me, Rabbi, where can we meet? I'm like, what's going on? He says, I need to show you my new car. I said, OK, let's meet. Where do you want
to meet? You want to meet my house? Your house? He said, no, no, no, no. We have to meet in a public place because people need to see my car. OK, we meet at the Starbucks. We pull up and he's wearing this hat, this fedora, and he's wearing his like a long jacket. I'm like, what's with the whole makeup, with the whole dress up? What's going on here? He's in jeans and T-shirt always,
right? What's going on? He says to me, well, it has to match the car. I'm like, tell me about this car that you're talking about. He bought a brand new hundred seventy five thousand dollar Mercedes convertible, the only one in Houston who has this exact model car. He went to Germany to pick it up from the factory to drive it on the Autobahn, and then they wrap it up and send it here.
And he's so excited to show me his car. He's like, Rabbi, he's like, he can't stop looking at his car. It's like the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, like a total obsession. So he says to me, Rabbi, he can't even sit still over there. He's like, Rabbi, come with me. We're going to go. We're going to go on a drive. We get in the car and he starts driving at the light, at the light.
Two cars pull up next to us. One was a Jaguar and the other was a Cadillac. And he looks at both of them and he says, huh, maybe I should have gotten one of those. And I said to him, I said, are you out of your mind? You just spent $175,000 on a car and you're looking now at other cars? Well, guess what? He's not any different than people who invest in a relationship with a young
lady and then start looking at other women. What are you looking? You have your $175,000 car, like your model woman that you, right, invested so much in getting her attention, drawing her close to you, and now you're looking elsewhere? So let me tell you an amazing story. This is a metaphor. I made this metaphor up. So if you don't like it, blame me. Okay, don't blame anyone else. But here's the metaphor. He's a child who's graduating university, not university,
high school. He's graduating high school. And his uncle calls him up, Uncle Joe, single guy, wealthy guy. He calls him up. He says, Brian, I'm so proud of you. You're graduating high school. You're my oldest nephew. I want you to come to my house tomorrow at three o'clock. Okay. Three o'clock, he knocks at Uncle Joe's door. Uncle Joe says, I have a surprise for you. You're graduating. I have a surprise for you. He says, come with me. Walks up the driveway, opens up
the garage door, and there he has a beautiful red convertible sports car. Gives him the keys. And as this little Brian is ready to get the keys, he says, ah, no, no, no, no. There's one condition. It's your car. But when I call you and tell you to bring back this car, there's no questions asked. You bring it into the driveway, into the garage. I close the garage door till I tell you you can
have it again. He says, anything, Uncle, whatever you say. Thank you so much. I can't believe this was for me. I can't believe it. So excited. I'm going to college. I'm going to be the most popular guy in university driving around with this red sports car. Wow. Unbelievable. So he pulls out of the driveway, and he's so excited. A few weeks later, out of the blue, his uncle calls him up and says, hey, remember what I told you? He says, yeah, I remember. He says, I'd like you to come
right now. Bring the car back. What? I'm about to pick. Do you remember what I said? No complaining. Brings the car back and pulls into the driveway. Uncle says, keys, Brian. He gives him the keys, closes the garage door. He says, come back to me in 10 days. 10 days you can have. He says, what? 10 days. Now, let me ask you a question. During those 10 days, do you think he's going to be
looking at other cars trying to, or is he only thinking, when am I getting my car back? He's thinking the latter. He's thinking, when am I getting my car back? Comes 10 days. He says, at two o'clock, you can come pick up your car. I guarantee you at one o'clock, he's already at his uncle's house. I was thinking I was in the area. Might as well come by. He's like, you know, trying to, he's so excited. And as soon as the clock ticks two o'clock, the garage door is open.
He gets his keys and he's out. He's so excited. Imagine this happens every month. He'll continue to be excited about his red sports car forever. That's the way the system of marriage in a Torah observant lifestyle works with a husband and wife. We're in the middle of a normal day. Suddenly, the husband gets a phone call from his wife. He says, uh, I'm off limits. What do you mean you're off limits? We had plans. We can take you out for dinner. You can still take me out for
dinner, but there's no physical contact. None at all. There's only one thing that that man is thinking of. He's thinking of his wife. And for 12 days, the Torah teaches us she's off limits. Now you can try to nourish that relationship in a non-physical way, in an emotional way. You can talk more. You can, you can, there are other things you can do to nurture this relationship without the physical contact. And guess what? And when that physical contact comes,
the Talmud tells us it's like a bride and groom under the hook again, 12 times a year. That is the beauty of having balance. When it comes to anything Jewish, we talk about balance in marriage. It's most important. So Hashem should bless us all. Hashem should bless us all, that we should have the most incredible relationships, meaningful relationships, and utilize them as a tool for connecting to God in the greatest way possible.