IT Leaders

In this episode of the IT Leaders podcast, "How to Build Rapport," Laura Mattingly, a seasoned IT leader with a rich background in development and database design, explores the nuanced art of building rapport within technology teams. Transitioning from technical roles to leadership, Laura brings a unique perspective on nurturing relationships across various IT disciplines. Throughout the episode, she shares her insights and experiences with the "Rapport" program, which emphasizes understanding and leveraging different learning styles—visual, auditory, and kinesthetic—to enhance interpersonal connections.

Laura’s approach is both practical and transformative, offering listeners actionable techniques to improve communication and relationship-building skills that apply to both professional environments and personal life. Through engaging storytelling and relatable examples, she illustrates how adapting to diverse communication styles can lead to more effective and fulfilling interactions. The episode not only highlights Laura’s expertise in IT leadership but also underscores the critical importance of empathy and adaptability in today’s tech-driven workplaces.

For technology professionals looking to deepen their leadership capabilities and for anyone interested in the interpersonal dynamics of team management, this episode provides valuable lessons on the power of understanding and adapting to individual differences to foster a cohesive and collaborative work culture.

Creators & Guests

Guest
Laura Mattingly
Fintech Solutions | Experienced CIO | Board Governance | Motivational Speaker | Mentor

What is IT Leaders?

The purpose of the IT Leaders Council is to bring together IT Directors and Managers for leadership training, educational content from guest speakers, and peer discussions in a vendor-free, collaborative environment. IT Leaders Councils are currently offered in Indianapolis, IN and Columbus, OH, with more cities coming soon!

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:27:22
Laura Mattingly
I'm very excited. I've seen some people haven't seen in a while, so what a blessing that's been for me. my background is in it. I started out as a developer in a database design, and, and quickly moved into leadership, and then I've rotated and led in all areas of it. So I wanted to share that with you, just to give you a feel for my experience within the IT field and the different people I've led in, the different teams I've led, I've led all different sizes.

00:00:27:22 - 00:00:56:00
Laura Mattingly
IT teams, I have relationships with team members, with my friends, with my family, and the activity that I'm going to do with you today, not only will benefit you with your work relationships, but also your personal relationships. And when I've done this in the past, quite honestly, I had people give me feedback later that said that they were so happy they were able to use it in their personal lives because it helped their relationships with friends, family and children.

00:00:56:02 - 00:01:14:10
Laura Mattingly
So I hope you'll engage in this today and learn from it and be able to use it in your lives. one of the things I will share with you is that I learned this through a program called rapport. The actual name, rapport, takes people out into the desert near area 51. It's a whole program you go through.

00:01:14:15 - 00:01:36:01
Laura Mattingly
This is a small part of that. there are many other things that I learned. but I didn't have time today to take you through all that. So we're going to do one. And today's topic on rapport is around learning styles and the benefits of understanding people's learning styles, and how you can use that to have them walk away from you going, you know that I'm really like that person.

00:01:36:01 - 00:01:52:16
Laura Mattingly
I'm not exactly sure why it, but I like them. And it also teaches you how to argue better in case you ever need that in your personal life. so we're going to go ahead and kick it off. What I need for you to do is I need for you to pair up, and I need you to just take your chairs.

00:01:52:16 - 00:02:09:06
Laura Mattingly
It's two people face your partner, okay? Whoever you want to pair up, which is here, I need you. I definitely need your coffee. so I know you need.

00:02:09:08 - 00:02:14:14
Laura Mattingly
This.

00:02:14:16 - 00:02:42:04
Laura Mattingly
Be. Empty handed, etc.. So she's wearing glasses? Definitely. So much better than someone else. Like, she's a people standing beside left without a of my knowledge. You. What is going to be you? What are we missing? What we've left without parking for you and ask for. Is it okay? Do you have a partner? I don't even care for you.

00:02:42:09 - 00:03:00:05
Laura Mattingly
I'm just making sure before I have to do. Great. If we don't have someone today. Okay. I think we're good to go. So. Yes. You're going to do three? I'll explain how that's going to work. Okay. So what I need to decide. First of all, I need you. Be seated. not touching, but I need you seated. Need to me seated.

00:03:00:07 - 00:03:04:17
Laura Mattingly
Now.

00:03:04:19 - 00:03:32:05
Laura Mattingly
If you guys need anything. So you are going to have to kind of do it like this. Okay? What should you should be. Okay, guys, I'm. I think a somebody needs to be so beside that because I don't feel like. Okay, me see hard actions are good. Okay. This could be great. Which a pleasure. How should you have that.

00:03:32:07 - 00:03:53:00
Laura Mattingly
So for the A you're going to go first. So I'm going to give you some things that you need to say to your partner. Who's B be your responsibility right now is to clearly observe your partner. I want you to watch everything about them as they answer, specifically focusing from shoulders up and really honing in on eye movement.

00:03:53:02 - 00:04:12:04
Laura Mattingly
Okay. And when you're done, I need you to remember that, because at the end of the activity, we're going to use that information so everybody will understand what you're learning. Style. Steal the bag. If you already know you're learning style, that's great. You can help your partner understand theirs okay. And then we're going to reverse it. Gay marriage okay.

00:04:12:07 - 00:04:32:00
Laura Mattingly
Everybody ready? Ready. All right a I'm going to say a few words and I want you looking at your partner. And I want you to tell me what these words mean to you. And now mind you, you do this activity. I'll cut you off at times because I'm going to get what I need without you rambling on for 20 minutes.

00:04:32:00 - 00:04:59:05
Laura Mattingly
Okay, so what are we quick? All right. The first words are your partner. What remains to you? Screaming? What are you going to tell them? Hey, wait a second. You got to keep this up. And sure that I'm on the bench. Yes. Okay. And you see. Yes. Tree. Tree with leaves. Tree with me. Okay. Next word. Tell your partner what friendship means to you.

00:04:59:07 - 00:05:30:13
Laura Mattingly
Especially if I see someone who's long gone. So let's see. This is a six year communication. Are you sure that you like watching these cards? Give yourself. Okay. Next word. Tell your partner what magic means to you. You know, inside the champions place just for each of the packages on the screen. It's from experience I. We know you speak French, so.

00:05:30:15 - 00:05:45:00
Laura Mattingly
Okay, next question for you to answer for your partner. Please tell your partner where you went on your last vacation and what that was like. Okay.

00:05:45:02 - 00:05:52:16
Laura Mattingly
Thank you for that. I think I get to close.

00:05:52:18 - 00:06:09:04
Laura Mattingly
This question okay. The next question, know what comes. What letter comes after the letter P in the alphabet and creating Brexit. You I mean let's just go.

00:06:09:06 - 00:06:12:03
Laura Mattingly
Okay.

00:06:12:05 - 00:06:42:17
Laura Mattingly
Oh that's the last question is for for the A's. If you could create an imagine the perfect vacation B describe to your partner what that would look like for you and Asia. Let's test it out. Oh maybe we have weather issues that.

00:06:42:19 - 00:07:08:08
Laura Mattingly
Okay let's get on that. All right. So a smoke break. Do you feel like you did a good job of observing your partner, and you have some things in your head about your partner you give me that was I'm sorry, BS. Yes. I think you deserve. Yeah. Okay. Keep that in your mind okay. So now we're going to switch back and date.

00:07:08:10 - 00:07:38:04
Laura Mattingly
All right. So this time I'm talking to BS. All right BS tell your partner what the following word means to you desk. Or at least verify if he says next you should switch. What can you tell me. What do I think I must do. That's right. Yeah okay. And so on. This next word, tell your partner what the word dog means to you.

00:07:38:06 - 00:08:12:06
Laura Mattingly
I was to that table. This is. Thanksgiving. He's gone fishing. White House road trip I so it was so it wasn't. It might pick up on the families. Okay, the next word. Hey, tell your partner what the word eclipse means to you. Yeah. Let's. Just go through this week. So this is what I see you do this. So.

00:08:12:06 - 00:08:31:22
Laura Mattingly
Yeah. What is like to think okay. What was good I actually agreed which. All right. Next scrap for your partner where you last went on vacation or not to the want. What does somebody write?

00:08:32:00 - 00:09:04:19
Laura Mattingly
About what I do today, it's a process of punishment. But I got to finish those good instructions that also. Okay. Okay. Yes. I never listen to public again. That answer the question what comes after the letter from the alphabet? G you think you can I just you that comes up to. It's like what is it. So I can't just be like, okay, I think, you know, you're the guy.

00:09:04:21 - 00:09:25:22
Laura Mattingly
Next, I want you to think of an imagine the most wonderful place on earth where you could go for a vacation and describe that to your partner. What would that look like? So I would say, I don't think. So it's quite.

00:09:26:00 - 00:09:59:06
Laura Mattingly
Quite realistic. Okay. Where is this me? I realize that Self-conception is. Okay. Stop on that. Who over here in this group did not get to describe their perfect vacation. I mean, that's great, because just when we can, we need to know your learning style to. So what I would like for you to do is describe for for them what?

00:09:59:06 - 00:10:15:04
Laura Mattingly
Look at them and tell them what your idea. If you could create the perfect vacation, what that would look like. Okay. To do nice. For the rest of you, you can come back to your normal seating position. Now you're.

00:10:15:06 - 00:10:21:02
Laura Mattingly
Still getting so that I don't think it's.

00:10:21:04 - 00:10:47:00
Laura Mattingly
Compulsory therapy. Okay. You should be good. You should be good over here. Thank you for doing that. Okay. So that. What do you feel like that you were able to observe the movements in the body movement in the language of your partner to that second round. All right, so now what I would like you to do. Here's how this works.

00:10:47:02 - 00:11:06:10
Laura Mattingly
There are three different learning styles. We all have all three of them in us. But some most have a dominant one. And your dominant one is the one that's going to show up typically right away. And if you're even you're going to see you're going and we'll get into that. You're going to see somebody who's got more even.

00:11:06:12 - 00:11:34:06
Laura Mattingly
You'll see that in their movements as well. So visual people, when they're answering questions, they look up to the left or right. Your eye movements go up, left or right. That's a visual primary visual learner okay. Auditory learners they're primary. They're auditory. Their eyes go left or right, like over their ears okay. Kinesthetic people, their eyes go down left or right.

00:11:34:08 - 00:12:04:22
Laura Mattingly
So visual means you learn by seeing. Auditory means you learn by hearing, and kinesthetic means you learn by touch. Interestingly, in most school systems today, they still only teach two of their learning styles, which is visual and auditory. Most kinesthetic learners have to adjust to that. And in those forms, which sometimes can be impactful. So now what I would like you to do is to tell your partner based on what you observed, what you believe their primary learning style is.

00:12:04:23 - 00:12:10:08
Laura Mattingly
So everybody exchange that auditory.

00:12:10:10 - 00:12:35:04
Laura Mattingly
Say.

00:12:35:06 - 00:12:39:16
Laura Mattingly
You.

00:12:39:18 - 00:12:52:05
Laura Mattingly
You.

00:12:52:07 - 00:13:16:08
Laura Mattingly
Licensing. Yeah. You say. You. Me. Everybody. Good. Do we have anyone in the audience? Who? Your partner told you? I have no idea what your largest challenge I have there. Because she's giving me any ideas.

00:13:16:10 - 00:13:36:00
Laura Mattingly
Okay. All right. Well, I will get back to you towards the end. I will make sure she's very clear. I love her learning. She's probably very close, but there's other things about her. But I budget like when I'm watching you all. There's other things, and I'm going to share those with you. It's not just a movement. Okay. First question how many?

00:13:36:05 - 00:13:59:05
Laura Mattingly
If you're a visual learner, raise your hand. Visual. Okay. And I will tell you, most of the times when I do this there there tend to be more visual learners in the audience. All right. Auditory okay. And then kind of static. And that usually happens to very few kinesthetic. And I need a Frank as a kinesthetic. So can you say again what kinesthetic.

00:13:59:07 - 00:14:23:08
Laura Mattingly
you learn by touch. Okay. Okay. So tell me when anyone when I had you answer the question, tell me about the last vacation you were on. And then I had you describe the very perfect vacation. Can anyone share with their partners? do you remember what your partners as did on those two questions? Like, let's take a visual.

00:14:23:10 - 00:14:41:20
Laura Mattingly
One of the visual people. I was a visual? Yes. he's an auditory. So is that what you're saying? What? What I want you to know is. Yes, because on one question, their eye movement goes one way. Now, up for an auditory is you're going to go left or right. So his perfect vacation, he explained a castle in Germany.

00:14:41:20 - 00:15:01:08
Laura Mattingly
And he immediately darted to his right ear. I mean, just immediately over. And then I thought that was interesting to follow your thought from there. So that was his. That was his the one of the one he remembered, or one who's created that was the one he was there was answers both. So he needed that. He performed the eye dart to write on both questions, on both.

00:15:01:08 - 00:15:21:20
Laura Mattingly
Interesting. Okay. Anybody else observe anything a difference when they were answering the question, Paul, when he was talking about something that he did, like his vacation, he didn't really look either way. But when I asked him to describe a perfect vacation, he did look to the right. His right. Thank you. At the okay. Yeah. Like did the same things like to the right up.

00:15:21:22 - 00:15:52:06
Laura Mattingly
Okay, so not that I would ever want you to use this in any type of way, but this is what detectives often use when you're recalling your eye movement goes to the to the right. So visuals up right. Auditory. Right. In a sense. Right. So if you're asking your kid or your significant other or somebody that works for you, something that they did and they're sitting in front of you and they do a recall movement, the recall, they're not recall.

00:15:52:11 - 00:16:17:11
Laura Mattingly
They're creating the story. If they're doing the recall, that would actually mean you're telling you the truth, that they're going to go left and they're okay. Right. It's not just a little they're making up. They went through the right. So he's he's recalling his journey and they need making. That's why I like that. You guys have to do this again.

00:16:17:13 - 00:16:50:15
Laura Mattingly
I think yes I was. All right. They all did were okay. So here's some other tips for you that I want to share with you on learning styles. All right. First one, this is another way you can tell a person's learning style around their posture. So visual people tend to stand straight, with their head and their shoulders up, and they'll often sit that way to auditory people will have a telephone posture.

00:16:50:17 - 00:17:09:01
Laura Mattingly
Their head or their body will be tilted to the side usually. And a lot of times they'll stand with their arms crossed and like, do this image. So one time when I did this, when the person didn't know their learning style, I brought the person to the front of the room and this person was agreement. Make them do that.

00:17:09:03 - 00:17:31:10
Laura Mattingly
And this person was full blown auditory, okay. And I literally was talking to the person. And because I kept moving. So an auditory is going to keep moving with you because they want to keep their head. They always want to be in an angle. This person literally did like at 360 and didn't really realize that I had them do a 360 to prove that they were auditory because they kept turning towards me.

00:17:31:12 - 00:18:04:10
Laura Mattingly
Kinesthetic oftentimes have bowed heads or shoulders down and curved, and they'll often tilt their body forward when they're taking in information. Okay. Breathing visuals high in the chest. Auditory. It's always like a full range and kinesthetic so low in the abdomen. voice tone speed and volume. Visuals are high, clear, fast and loud. Auditory is the rhythmic melodic variable and kinesthetic or low, airy, slow and soft.

00:18:04:12 - 00:18:33:15
Laura Mattingly
Okay. All right. Rules for looking at them when listening. Now this is very important at work. And I use this a lot because if I if I'm meeting with new people or I get a new leader or whatever the case may be. So for visuals, because they look to listen, they want to take all of you in. So if you are interacting with the visual person, really one of the bad things that you can do is walk up on them and remove their full view of you.

00:18:33:17 - 00:18:58:08
Laura Mattingly
So I recently met someone who, because we had been on zoom, at first I had figured out this person was visual. Then I met the person, on site and this person was seated behind a desk and I came in. And so the chair, you know, the guest chair was right there because I knew they were visual instead of like, plopping down right there where I'm like, kind of right there.

00:18:58:08 - 00:19:27:15
Laura Mattingly
I took the chair and I pulled it back, and then I sat down. So I'm giving that visual as much of me as I could in the moment, because I knew they would be more comfortable talking to me that way. The, auditory, they look away to listen. They have a hard time absorbing in if they're having to look straight at something and taking the information and auditory, they will, you know, look down.

00:19:27:17 - 00:19:45:10
Laura Mattingly
Okay. I'm not on terms like kinesthetic. So one of the things that I don't know if you have heard this before, I use it a lot because I'm very kinesthetic. So I grew up hearing a lot look at me when I'm talking to you. And that is the worst thing you can do to a kinesthetic. And this applies to children.

00:19:45:12 - 00:20:08:18
Laura Mattingly
Everybody's more like everybody comes into the world with the learning style. So if you're a visual and you're interacting with the kinesthetic, that's night and day difference, right? So you have to decide in the moment, am I going to extend the extra energy to build a rapport with this person and put myself in a situation where I may not be as comfortable, but I want the other person to be comfortable, and that's why this is valuable, right?

00:20:08:18 - 00:20:39:23
Laura Mattingly
If you know that you can make the decision to interact with this person in a way that's in their learning style, under stress, I like this one. This applies to home in work a lot. This is tend to be blameless. and they're probably I don't I'm not a planner, but visual auditory are, distractors. Auditory under distractors and kinesthetic are allocators by nature.

00:20:40:01 - 00:20:58:01
Laura Mattingly
And then I elevations in relation to others so on. And of the visual is going to typically have their eyes higher okay. So if they're looking at like if they're looking their eyes going up auditory, their eyes are going to be going side to side. They're going to be looking around and kinesthetic again. They're going to be below.

00:20:58:01 - 00:21:22:00
Laura Mattingly
They're going to be down and then gestures. So a visual is another way. If you're sitting in a room and you're getting ready to do a presentation and you have the opportunity to observe your audience before you start, this is helpful to visuals will stare, they'll doodle the rub their eyes, their their eyes. If you focus their gaze above their head to think research for an answer.

00:21:22:02 - 00:21:47:00
Laura Mattingly
That's one of the obvious ones for me. auditory is they'll finger tap the whistle. They'll often lean in on their hands and they'll turn away. Oftentimes when they're trying to think of an answer to something, kinesthetic, they'll pat their stomach, fidget. They flush deeply, which I do, by the way. I flush very like I'll flush easily.

00:21:47:01 - 00:22:09:05
Laura Mattingly
they rely on their feelings for answers or and they'll move and rock a lot. So I think that's like, helpful too, with, with the movements with, with anybody in your life. Space in visuals is where I saying that you need to see the whole person auditory. They need to be close enough where they can hear you. And then kinesthetic will place themselves as close as possible.

00:22:09:07 - 00:22:26:01
Laura Mattingly
So if you were a visual and a kinesthetic, you wants to come up and hug you, that's always a problem, right? And that's one of the things I had to learn early in my career. I used to go round in the morning to my employees in the day, so we had cubicles, hire cubicles and have a go. Good.

00:22:26:01 - 00:22:46:23
Laura Mattingly
Right. Step in there, cube. Good morning. And little did I know that at the time that was awful for the visuals. Not to worry. So I stopped doing that once I learned that. And I'm emotionally this is the one that's good for home. So visuals will stare when they're angry. They cry easily, and they beam when they're happy.

00:22:47:01 - 00:23:14:03
Laura Mattingly
Arteries blow up verbally and they'll soon calm down and express their feelings verbally. Kinesthetic will pounce, slam doors when angry, and then leave, and they hug and jump for joy when they're happy. So if you think about any moments where you've had some some situations, it's pretty easy to tell what someone's learning style is. And for people who've learned to manage it, you'll see that a lot at work.

00:23:14:03 - 00:23:34:22
Laura Mattingly
Like if you're if you've ever seen one get up, someone get upset at work. Oftentimes people have been trained to manage themselves. Okay. but if all the other things are applying and really observing the whole person, even if they try to cover that up, you'll be able to tell what their learning style is. problem solving for a visual.

00:23:35:00 - 00:24:03:03
Laura Mattingly
They're deliberate. They plan in advance, they're organizers, and they write out their thoughts, auditory, like to talk out their problems, weigh the pros and cons, learn by verbal instruction and kinesthetic. They are outrageous. They attack problems impulsively, and they learn by doing so. If you have someone on your team now, recently, someone I'm mentoring has someone on on this team and she's they feel like she's having problems learning.

00:24:03:05 - 00:24:20:09
Laura Mattingly
She she's not keeping the information. And so I taught him this and I said, so when you have your next one on with her because she's young, she's new to the field, I said, I think it would be good for you to get her learning style because it could be you're all trying to teach her in a learning style that's not her primary.

00:24:20:11 - 00:24:41:12
Laura Mattingly
And he came back to me and he didn't know it. He figured it out, and they did adjust her learning and the way they're teaching her, and she's doing better. And she even told him she feels better, about her role in taking it. And he never told her what he had done, but she just feels better. So that's a good thing.

00:24:41:14 - 00:25:17:07
Laura Mattingly
appearance. I like this one because this is one of my easier ways to pick people out. So visuals are neat, meticulous, tailored, and usually everything matches. auditory matching is not important at all. And then for kinesthetic, they like pastels, soft knits and fabrics that feel good. And so that's usually because people usually when they dress and they come, and especially if they're in a casual event and you see their true style and you can really like spot for me, visuals are the easiest to spot because they do match.

00:25:17:07 - 00:25:42:20
Laura Mattingly
And usually people are like, I really like that. When your belt matches your shoes and your shirt and tailored to help me, memory visuals. Remember faces, they forget names and they take notes. Kinesthetic. I'm sorry. Auditory. Remember names, forget faces. And they remember about auditory repetition and kinesthetic. They remember best what was done, not what was seen or heard.

00:25:42:22 - 00:26:01:14
Laura Mattingly
And touching. Visuals will touch their teen a lot. Auditory will touch their ears, and kinesthetic will touch the other person or themselves. And that's a good kinesthetic. So we have to keep ourselves under control, especially. So one of the things I want to share with you, and to leave this with you as a personal, this so helps me in work.

00:26:01:14 - 00:26:26:12
Laura Mattingly
As you can imagine, if you take the time to master this and you extend the energy, I'm telling you right now, it has helped my career. I feel like part of the success of my career is because I'm able to do these types of things. It's important to me to learn how to interact with people, and for them to have the best experience possible, because if you do that, then your teams get engaged and they produce some really outstanding results for the company.

00:26:26:14 - 00:26:46:14
Laura Mattingly
But I'm going to flip to the personal. My significant other, is visual. And so there were times when I'd be leaving work, and this this was done before the pandemic when I was going in every day and I would get on the phone and, call him and I would start talking about stuff we're going to do.

00:26:46:14 - 00:27:10:05
Laura Mattingly
And I'm like, all right, we got invited to such and such for Saturday will come on Sunday is ball game on Thursday. And, when I would get home, I sensed that he was irritated almost since he was irritated on the phone a little bit at times, you know? And so once I figured this out, what I realized was trying to talk to him on the cell phone on the way home was not part of his learning style.

00:27:10:11 - 00:27:26:17
Laura Mattingly
So I altered my behavior. And now when I talk to him, I'm in front of him, and I'm telling you, it made a huge difference. So I just encourage you all to take all this in. I hope you'll take away and benefit from it now. Appreciate your time today. Thank you.