Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Millennial with a Masters in Education; Passionate yapper, empathetic listener, & always here to validate your irrational thoughts. This podcast is a dedicated safe space where I share the good, the grim, & the WTF in a day of the life of a high school guidance counselor. Also a dedicated safe space for anyone in education or educator who loves what they do, but needs a drink.
Crashing Out w Niah
===
[00:00:00] Me: Oh man. I feel like we're all guilty of this. I feel like we've all done it at some point in our lives. we've all swan dived off the deep end. Maybe acted first thought second, I'm talking about crashing out the art of crashing out and I am here to get the scope of it.
Is there a history, a root? Did we form these bad habits over time? Did COVID is COVID to blame? And also what was the name of all of this when we were growing up? Were we always crash outs? My name is Victoria. This is year three for me as a school guidance counselor. And I'm toying around with this podcast to see if it sticks or whose ears it'll reach.
But if you're tuning in, this is my first episode. It's gonna be really cool. We're gonna talk about all things crash out and maybe even share some stories. So no judgment. We listen and we don't judge. This is Counselor Chronicles, a dedicated space of sharing the good, the bad, the what, the fuck of a day in the life of a high school counselor. And I just wanna say, I made this podcast in hopes of providing you guys with, you know, slight entertainment , but more than anything, like insight of what goes on behind the scenes. And up until I started this job, I had no idea either. So this is, like I said, year three for me. I'm evolving in many areas of my job, but I am nowhere near perfect.
So I strive to, live and learn. While having you guys kind of join along the ride with me, And I also do this through collaborating with different departments and teachers at my job, so we'll be able to gain insight and perspective from all areas. I'm stoked.
[00:01:54] Beginning of Episode
---
[00:01:58] niah: It just went out of control and it just-
[00:02:01] Me: Okay. So with me is a former student. She is a sophomore, rising junior. she's also, when I say former student, that just means she's not in the, the traditional public school setting. She's not at the school I work at anymore. I did meet this student, as one of my ninth graders when I was, in my second year.
She is now in the full-time online world. So she's gonna be able to tell you a little bit about both since she's been able to immerse herself into both worlds and she may even have a preference. I'm sure you, I think by now we know we like online. Right. That's like your
[00:02:37] niah: Yes. I feel like I definitely have gotten comfortable.
[00:02:41] Me: That's more your stroke. You like, you like flexibility. You don't like, like the rigid structure I've noticed.
[00:02:49] niah: I feel like I'm like that just because we aren't supposed to be caged up and it's just like very repetitive. It's very repetitive.
Like every day. Yeah, get to class in five minutes, don't three times detention. Like, you know, and it's just like bathroom, bathroom limits, math, bathroom limits.
It's very nice to just be on your own schedule, not end, just venturing out.
[00:03:14] Me: That is cool., I feel like it's not
the luxury that most kids have, and I've noticed you get to work, you, you transport yourself like you're,
yeah,
you're mobile, so you're, you know, you're able to take yourself from point A to point B. You're very like self-reliant and independent.
[00:03:29] niah: Yes.
[00:03:29] Me: Whereas I feel like some kids are still working on that, do you, do you think that that's made you more independent?
[00:03:37] niah: For sure. I feel like, because when you're online, they do give you teachers of course, but it's like the most part is you're doing it yourself. When you're doing it, you're on your own. I don't recommend it to people that don't have any structure because this can make you or break you.
[00:03:53] Me: Since you've, since you've been able to do both, it's nice to share insight on what that looks like, feels like.
[00:03:59] niah: Yeah, for sure.
[00:04:00] The Art of Crashing Out- History
---
[00:04:00] Me: You know? But what I wanna get into is, uh, the art of crashing out.
[00:04:05] niah: Oh, we love it.
[00:04:06] Me: We love it.
Was this always a thing? Were we, have we always been crash outs?
[00:04:11] niah: I know. I feel like. I feel like as each year goes by, we might have more things to crash out about, like the state of the world and our own circumstances.
the cards that life is dealing to us. We might have more reasons to crash out. Um, so some people might have always been crash outs, but I guess now we have a word for it .
[00:04:34] Me: What exactly is crashing out? What's your definition of crashing out?
[00:04:40] niah: There's so many different levels.
I know, at least for me, it's like I'm the type of person that bottles things in and I don't. Like, I don't process my emotions like on a day to day when things happen to me, I'm, I was programmed in a way that's very like, okay, like life goes on, keep rolling with the punches and I'll roll, roll, roll until I cannot roll anymore.
[00:05:00] Me: Mm.
[00:05:00] niah: So, um,
[00:05:02] Me: that's an important piece.
[00:05:03] niah: Yeah. I feel like that could be a reason. And then also just sometimes people having outbursts of anger and like, wanting to feel seen and or like thinking that acting out will like, in a way prove that they're like not to be fucked with.
[00:05:20] Me: So you'd pretty much say that it's an emotional outburst, right?
[00:05:23] niah: Yeah.
[00:05:23] Me: You're pretty much an explosion
[00:05:24] niah: of some kind. Yeah, it's, it's very evident that, like you can say that a crash out is, yeah, it's emotional outburst.
[00:05:31] Me: It's definitely emotional flooding. It's shut down.
[00:05:33] niah: Yeah. And I feel like sometimes it can't, it's not even, I feel like people label it as anger, but
[00:05:38] Me: Oh no. Once you learn it's shut down. It's overstimulation.
[00:05:41] niah: Especially once you learn that anger. Is a secondary emotion and usually there's always an emotion behind anger, like the reason why you're angry, like whether that be betrayal, embarrassment, sadness, hurt, like, you know, stuff like that.
So it's like that could be a possible reason for crashing out too.
[00:06:00] Me: It's definitely emotional flooding. Yeah. Especially when you have a, like a difficulty communicating your needs.
[00:06:05] niah: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:05] Me: You know, you lean onto impulsive behavior, reckless at times. You know, sometimes it's the opposite. Maybe you just shut down and you zone out, you dissociate.
Um, and sometimes people just explode and just bolt needing safe exit, but with not having to explain.
[00:06:22] niah: Yeah, for sure.
[00:06:22] Me: Most times that's what I see.
[00:06:24] niah: Yeah, for sure. I feel like that you hit it.
[00:06:27] Me: that's why I'm really happy you're here. 'cause your insight is valuable too. You are like my first and former baby, you know, one of my first few, and yes, I've known we've each other for like, what, two years now?
[00:06:37] niah: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:06:38] Me: So, you know, it's not long, but it feels like it.
[00:06:42] niah: Yeah.
[00:06:42] Me: Because I feel like we've gone through so many, we've gone through so many battles together.
[00:06:46] niah: Yeah. So many.
[00:06:47] Me: You've gone through a lot yourself and I feel like I've been through those ups and downs with you in a way.
[00:06:53] niah: Yeah. I feel like last year I did not know how much I could handle until like last year I felt like it was like the hardest year.
For sure.
Yeah,
[00:07:02] COVID effects
---
[00:07:02] Me: do you think COVID had anything to do? Like, I want your opinion, I wanna know if you think COVID, you lived life before COVID and you're living life out of it, and I feel like you've been in school for both. Yeah. Both online and offline, pre and post COVID. Do you feel, do you feel a shift?
[00:07:20] niah: Okay. I would say like, at least for me with COVID, I feel like the way it most affected me was like academically, like being an academic weapon and then like of course taking that break and then , I was probably like, you know, it just wasn't really effective at the time.
It wasn't like really, I feel like it, like at least when I went into quarantine it was, I was in fourth grade, so it was like, it wasn't really effect like at that time, like how I do online now. I feel like I'm way more structured, you know?
[00:07:46] Me: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:46] niah: It's way more, but I was still like a kid. I liked seeing my friends.
I liked going to school as a routine, you know? So I feel like that was, it kind of did I feel like for that way for me, but I feel like it might've done something with everything being so remote and then like people still wanting to keep online, work online, everything kind of, and just like doing everything like remote
[00:08:06] Me: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:07] niah: And I feel like it messed up with a lot of people's social skills.
Yeah.
yeah, I feel like it messed up with a lot of people's social skills. I don't really know if it messed up with mine because, I mean, I went back to school and I was fine. Like I wasn't socially awkward, like I didn't have anxiety.
It was just like I was going back to school. I don't know, I feel like I've always been a social butterfly. Like I'm, I've never really been like a type of person where like, I have like, you know, like, I don't wanna talk to anybody.
[00:08:32] Me: You always found someone to talk to.
[00:08:33] niah: Yeah. I always found someone to talk to. And it was like, I, that time I also had a lot of friends, like my elementary school friends and stuff, so it wasn't like anything. And I feel like, especially when I went back to school, it was middle school, so it was like, you're starting a whole new year.
Whole new people.
[00:08:44] Me: Well, what about like, being locked up like that social, that social distancing and not being able to like act actively hang out with your friends? Like,
[00:08:50] niah: I mean, I still was,
[00:08:51] Me: I still was
[00:08:52] niah: no, like, no, like, that sounded so bad, but it was like, like of course, at first, but then I feel like I just got tired of it.
After a while, me and my friends just started to rebel. We didn't really care.
And I feel like also at that time, my mom's business had like, she had like 200 orders a day, 300 orders a day. So that filled time.
[00:09:09] Me: Oh, online shopping was real baby.
[00:09:10] niah: No, that filled up my time.
Like I'd wake up, I'd work for my mom, then go to sleep. I didn't really have time to really do anything else. 'cause at that time, that's when my mom, like her business skyrocketed. So it was like,
[00:09:21] Me: for context. Yeah. Yeah's mom is a entrepreneur, self-made, literally has her own business, sells jewelry.
[00:09:29] niah: Yeah. She's pretty much just a blueprint. So it's just like, at that time it was very, very busy. It got really busy to the point that my mom started like hiring people in, like our family to work for her, just because my mom always is like keeping it family owned.
Like, it was nice. I felt like it was, it was something to do.
[00:09:47] Me: So since we are talking about it, um, what the cause and effects were with social distancing and not being able to, interact when you're shifting to online learning and you have reduced interactions, you have fewer opportunities to like naturally develop some soft skills.
Yeah.
You guys were indoors and like not gaining these soft skills. And we laugh now 'cause it's like, oh COVID feels like yesterday and it was like five years ago. But it's like we're seeing these effects in real time.
[00:10:15] niah: Yeah,
[00:10:15] Me: I mean, this kid that I was interviewing at the school, a boy actually, so it was fresh to get his perspective. He said that. Prior to COVID, he felt like because there was more social interaction, it was less fending for yourself and less having to problem solve on your own.
So like eventually everyone just started doing shit for themselves and trying to solve their problems on their own and not reach out, like reach for those resources.
[00:10:51] niah: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:52] Me: And eventually they just start acting out for to be seen or heard.
And, it's something that's seen all the time and then that leads to like more, I would say drug use. I guess that's why people vape so much.
Wow. It's just the lack of coping skills and I I wanna know how we can get kids to open up more about mental health or at least seek the help.
We had to like not normalize crashing out anymore. That's my whole point. It's,
[00:11:20] niah: yeah.
[00:11:21] Crash Out Era
---
[00:11:21] Me: It's not cute anymore. It was, I feel like it was cute in 2020. 'cause it was like the euphoria era.
[00:11:25] niah: Yeah.
[00:11:26] Me: And everybody was watching it and it's like everybody wanted to crash out.
[00:11:29] niah: yeah.
I feel like I wasn't really a crash out in 2020. I feel like it was, for me at least, like sixth through seventh grade. No. Like maybe even eighth grade, . , I feel like it was a very short phase for me, like, 'cause in elementary school I was like lowkey depressed, like fifth through sixth grade and seventh grade I was depressed.
And I feel like that just went back into anger. Yeah.
[00:11:56] Me: I know that you guys typically see red when someone crashes out. They typically like just don't, they go from zero to a hundred. But can you try to take me through your mind when you are in that crash out phase?
[00:12:09] niah: I feel like.
Like
I just hit flight or flight.
[00:12:11] Me: Fight or flight.
[00:12:12] niah: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like a hit fight or flight. Like it depends what the situation is, but if it's like some type of betrayal or like someone doing something to me, I'll like be like, okay, there's no way. Like you just thought you could fuck me over like that.
So I'll get like really pissed off.
[00:12:27] Me: it's like the aud
The audacity.
[00:12:28] niah: Yeah. It's like the audacity for me. Like, and it just
So
[00:12:30] Me: you're in disbelief?
[00:12:31] niah: Yeah.
And then it just, like, it goes in levels. I feel like it goes in, it definitely goes in levels
[00:12:36] Me: Okay.
[00:12:36] niah: Of how I feel at the moment. But I don't know, I, I feel like I've done so much better with it.
but, um, you will see red. It's just, it really depends the situation to be honest. , But I know I was like, I had a really bad problem with girls at that time, so I'd get so mad and I'd just be like, I don't know.
I was kind of like a mean girl. I'm not gonna lie. But like,
[00:13:03] Me: why do you say that?
[00:13:04] niah: Not a mean girl, but like, everybody in school knew me. I
[00:13:09] Me: did people just know you to be a crash out, to be angry? Like to be a fighter?
[00:13:13] niah: Not like, not like that, but like bro, I was just always in some shit. Like not always, but like, , bro, like we ride at dawn, like no, like
[00:13:19] Me: we ride at dawn.
[00:13:20] niah: No,
like I remember I told this girl that she can run for like, 'cause I remember she stayed home for two weeks 'cause she knew the next time I saw her I was gonna fight her and she stayed home for two weeks and then we had the same class together.
So she finally decided to come to class. Mind you, I did not know I was gonna fight that day. And I'm like, oh, like she's finally here. I could've fought her in a hallway and I knew I would've gotten more time, but I wanted to humiliate her, so I fought her in the lunchroom so everyone could watch her get her ass beat.
And I think I showed you this fight.
[00:13:47] Me: It's very Maddy from Euphoria.
[00:13:48] niah: No, like, and I made sure I did it in the lunchroom.
[00:13:49] Me: Mm-hmm.
[00:13:50] niah: I still had some moral ground. I could have just swung on her. But I told her like, get up, I'm about to fight you. And she's like, I told you I did not wanna fight. And I'm like, okay, well I'm gonna fight you.
So like, and then the secure, like people started picking up on it and people started recording. So I saw them walking and I'm just like, okay, well I didn't just do all this for nothing. And at this point I'm like, okay, I don't even care if it looks like I'm a bully. I just hit her because I gave her like it was a good Two minutes we talked,
[00:14:11] Me: was this the video with the water bottle?
[00:14:12] niah: No, but I did hit Taylor with the water bottle.
[00:14:14] Me: Oh yeah.
[00:14:15] niah: Like you see, like, I don't even remember. I'll just be doing dumb shit like that. Like I don't even know why I did that. Like No, no. I do know why I did that because she, I told her, if you touch me one more time, I'm gonna hit you with my water bottle.
And she didn't listen. So I opened my water bottle and I pour it on her and I hit her with it.
[00:14:28] Me: So it sounds like you gave her a chance.
[00:14:30] niah: That's the thing with me. I don't think I was a bully because I would give people chances.
And I feel like they provoked me. Like even the girl that I fought in the lunchroom, it was years of dealing with her, like years of dealing with her. She did me wrong. She told the whole school that I cut myself and like she told the whole school that I cut myself and, she literally, that's why I even had to start talking to fucking counselors because she told, she told all the teachers and then she told the peer counseling.
[00:14:55] Me: Not me guys- I'm the exception.
[00:14:57] niah: She told the peer coun,
[00:14:58] Me: let's set the record straight.
[00:14:59] niah: She told the peer counseling teacher. Then the peer counseling teacher the next day pulls me in her closet, makes me lift up both sleeves.
Like it was just a whole thing. Like, and the CCPs shut up. Like it was just too much. So I feel like she put, I put up with so much of her shit through the years and I was just tired of it. And I know I was about to go online and I'm just like, before I'm done with this school, like I need a handle, Rochelle,
[00:15:21] Me: so let me do my big no and big one.
[00:15:23] niah: No. I remember one day we were in class and she said something really fucked up. I can't remember what it was. And that was my breaking point.
[00:15:28] Me: So this really was an explosion of emotion of every like anger, rage.
[00:15:33] niah: Yeah. And even with Taylor, I told her to stop hitting me and she wouldn't. So I open a water bottle. I used my last couple of drops and I hit the water bottle on her and yeah.
[00:15:42] Me: And that's how you do it.
Kidding?
[00:15:46] niah: The blind leading the blind.
[00:15:48] Me: I mean, sometimes,
[00:15:49] niah: and you've seen how I get down just like that day that In the conference room?
[00:15:54] Me: The conference room. Oh my God. Yeah, because, and I was actually nervous.
[00:15:57] niah: Did you see that time too?
[00:15:58] Me: I really was nervous that, that you were like gonna give her the chance. But regardless, I was like, I don't know if she's just gonna. Do her big one right here in this room.
[00:16:07] niah: No, but
[00:16:07] Me: because you were like, I'm gonna give you one opportunity
[00:16:09] niah: No. To tell me no. Do you see like, I'm not irrational.
Like it's just like, you know, I feel like there's some people that I've,
[00:16:14] Me: you give everyone the opportunity to like Yeah, like I feel like there's be genuine and honest.
[00:16:17] niah: And I feel like that's why I never like to be identified as a crash out, only because I do communication and I do it very, very well.
[00:16:24] Me: Yeah, you do.
[00:16:25] niah: Just because I always, like, even before I fight people, I try to have a conversation. Like, you know, I've always had a conversation with somebody.
[00:16:33] Me: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:33] niah: So it's just like, I've never just fought somebody.
Like, you know, I've always tried to communicate, even with the situation at Springs, like I try to talk to those girls so many times.
[00:16:44] Rock Bottom
---
[00:16:44] Me: Gimme your like what's your like rock bottom? Well, like what, what was your rock bottom crash out?
[00:16:52] niah: I don't know. I feel like I've had so many
I would say like a crash out, like maybe like my mom and Hassan probably. I think about like my mom and her boyfriend most likely.
[00:17:02] Me: Okay.
[00:17:02] niah: Like I've went in the fridge and like threw away food and like I've done like throw away food. Yeah.
[00:17:08] Me: That's crazy.
[00:17:08] niah: Because that's what matters. Like, you know, like I've thrown away coffee, I've thrown away, like I've thrown away coffee, I've thrown away like meats.
'cause food's expensive in today's economy, things are expensive.
[00:17:18] Me: You, you really hit 'em where it hurts. Okay.
[00:17:20] niah: No. Like I went in the freezer. I've just started throwing away shit. Like I remember I got so mad and I just, oh, it was that day that they went to Crafty Crab without me.
[00:17:29] Me: Oh yes,
[00:17:31] niah: it was. I did a thing with the Crafty Crab without me.
I went in the fridge and I threw away everything, . No, that was so flaw,
[00:17:38] Me: but like foul. Like,
[00:17:39] niah: yeah. Foul. . Yeah. So I went and I threw everything. I was just throwing stuff and I was so hurt. I don't know. It wasn't even like I was obs, like I was mad and I was angry and I was like, sad too.
[00:17:52] Me: Okay, , I'm gonna dive into something a little bit more serious.
Um, crash outs that lead to self harm. Um, and I'm not speaking in anybody specifically, but it's happened. Definitely it's very common, especially with like. Girls in ninth grade, girls in 10th grade, but I feel like those are habits that were picked up prior to meeting them.
[00:18:15] niah: Mm-hmm.
[00:18:16] Self-Harm Habits
---
[00:18:16] Me: So like a lot of girls were cutting in middle school apparently, and it's something that they're transitioning and weaning off of once they meet me.
And it's like, why do we do that?
[00:18:26] niah: Um, I started cutting in like fifth grade. Okay. Yeah. Um, or like fourth grade. I don't even remember when I started.
[00:18:34] Me: Probably not like the best coping skill,
[00:18:36] niah: yeah. Um, probably the best, but like, I don't know , I was just doing it like.
[00:18:43] Me: You're bold. 'cause I can't, I'm, I'm honestly a bitch for pain. Like, I can't even, no, I can't do it anymore. You saw me with the knife just now.
[00:18:49] niah: Yeah.
[00:18:49] Me: When I was, was when I accidentally poked myself.
[00:18:51] niah: Yeah, look that you're about to crash out
[00:18:54] Me: because nothing pisses me off then like accidentally stabbing myself.
Like, no, because the pain is so bad, but I, it's like self-inflicted pain. So, so I was really pissed at myself. But like I said, , I could never imagine, like I was never a cutter. Not even in, I think I tried once, but that was for attention 'cause I wanted someone to see it. And then my friend looked and she grabbed my wrist and she was like, what are you stupid? And I was like, oh my God, I never did it again. But I never understood why girls did it. And I still like, till this day I'm like, dude, that must hurt.
And I have tattoos, but I just. That's different.
[00:19:30] niah: Yeah, it is very different. It's very different. I don't know, like it was kind of like enjoyable, like, I don't know, like not enjoyable, but like sometimes I'd be like, Ooh, like I was like, I
gotta find a new coping skill because
[00:19:41] Me: yo
[00:19:41] niah: sometimes it just hurt so bad.
But I feel like that's what, like I needed, it was like a punishment to myself.
[00:19:48] Me: Oh my God. .
[00:19:49] niah: No, it's like, no, it definitely isn't. I don't, I don't like Okay. For the viewers, I don't.
[00:19:55] Me: No judgment though.
[00:19:55] niah: No judgment. I don't condone, I don't condone doing that.
Like, I'm actually kind of embarrassed. Like I'm kind of embarrassed. 'cause now I'll just be like, why? Like literally what the fuck? Like what are, like, what is cutting yourself gonna do?
[00:20:05] Me: But what were you had to do that to distract yourself from something? To focus on something else?
[00:20:09] niah: It is very like weird. 'cause I feel like,
[00:20:13] Me: take your time.
[00:20:14] niah: I'm trying to like, put it in words like um, I've always been told, like, oh, like your feelings don't matter. Like, they're not, it's not that serious. It's not that serious. Like, this isn't that bad.
So like, at least cutting yourself, and I've heard a lot of people say this, like cutting themself was like telling yourself , your problems do matter and that did hurt you. I feel like, at least for me, I'm like, okay, I feel like people only care if it's serious.
Yeah. So I'm just like, if like I cut myself then like, I feel like this is definitely serious. 'cause if I, if it was something so little, I wouldn't have wanted to cut myself anyway.
[00:20:46] Me: Wow.
[00:20:46] niah: Yeah. I feel like that's why I cut myself.
[00:20:50] Me: Now look, I mean, looking back now in hindsight, and you're like, hindsight really is 2020 crystal clear?
[00:20:55] niah: Yeah.
Like I'll get in my moments where I'll be like, dang, like, like,
[00:20:59] Me: I really did that.
[00:21:00] niah: No. Like, no. I'll get in my moments where I'll be like, oh, like I could, like, I could do that again. But I mean, like, I feel like, I feel like I'm delivered from that.
Like, I really feel like it, it's stupid. , It's not anyone who's doing that. It's not stupid.
I say it's stupid just because once you learn how to process your emotions and be like, okay, it doesn't matter who says that your feelings don't matter.
Like this isn't that big of a deal. I feel like once you learn how to process, your emotions and self- soothe, and also tell yourself that, that was wrong. No matter what anybody says. It's just like, why was I listening to other people. That's why I think it's stupid. Like why was I doing that to myself?
Like what sense did that make? Yeah, and also sometimes it was just, it was just like also I'd rather cut myself than like kill myself. Like, I don't know, like it was kind of just like a, I could inflict
[00:21:49] Me: feel something.
[00:21:50] niah: Yeah. I feel like I could inflict pain and like sometimes that would be like, it's either I kill myself or I cut myself.
Like I could have had like a third option, but I didn't, so.
[00:22:02] Me: Well, I mean, I'm glad you're still here. 'cause I know that a lot of people do, get to that dark side and sometimes it's hard to see your way out.
[00:22:10] *mental health disclaimer*
---
[00:22:10] Me: I wanna add for those who are experiencing mental health issues, or maybe you're just in a dark place in your life where you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, there is help. I promise.
There is no shame in seeking help because there is no possible way that we can do it all. I just wanna add that a bad day does not equal a bad week. A bad week does not equal a bad month, and a bad month does not equal a bad life. It is not sitting across the perfect person with all the right answers.
It's about sitting across from the right person. So once again, I just wanna encourage you to use local, state, or city agencies, national helplines. There are tons to. Search from, and I promise help is out there.
[00:23:00] Pivotal Moments
---
[00:23:00] Me: , since we're talking about pivotal moments, what was going through your mind when you feel like you've ra, like you reached that rock bottom,
, When was your pivotal moment to be like, damn, you know, I really just don't, I don't need to do this.
[00:23:15] niah: When it just didn't serve me anymore. Yeah. It just didn't serve me anymore.
Like you're learning to manage your emotions a lot better.
Yeah.
I feel like both of 'em just did not serve me anymore. Because
[00:23:25] Me: wasn't filling your cup, but you weren't gaining anything from it.
[00:23:27] niah: It, I wasn't gaining anything from it.
You don't have to be everything for everybody and to start showing up for yourself more really.
It's just like you really have no one but yourself you can, even if you get therapy, you get the help. I could talk to you every day, which I was like, I was talking to you every day. I could talk to however many people I want every day. But if you don't wanna change, then like you have the power to that part.
[00:23:47] Me: Yeah. Well you have to want to learn better and, and find healthier outlets. Like you have to want that for yourself, I feel.
[00:23:57] niah: Yeah, for sure. And I'm pretty sure you see that with the kids you work with because
[00:24:03] Me: eventually and eventually like that, that pivotal aha moment comes.
[00:24:06] niah: I'm more talking about like when you are working with like kids that you can see that don't wanna help themselves at all.
[00:24:13] Me: Yeah.
Or just like have a very like, bleak outlook and feel like it doesn't get better. So they just like don't have that motivation to even try. Um, so I guess that's where I'm like,
I wanna know the difference between the kid that's like, okay, I don't see it getting better. And you who really at one point said this, this doesn't get better.
And even if it does, I could care less.
[00:24:34] niah: always wanting more. Like I've always wanted more, like I've always thought so myself.
[00:24:40] Me: You personally always wanted for yourself.
[00:24:40] niah: I've always wanted more for myself. I feel like I was born with high standards for like what I wanna see for myself in life. And I feel like that's also why I have such a strong worth ethic.
And then also knowing that there's 8 billion people in this world and I just meet so many people all the time. So it's like,
[00:24:55] Me: yeah,
[00:24:56] niah: you think that this is the best, and just knowing that this is like such a little part, like I don't know, like really you have to do stuff to make yourself happy. Like, you have to like really find outlets for yourself.
Yeah.
[00:25:08] Me: Yeah. Another student was saying that as well.
[00:25:12] niah: you have to find outlet for yourself just because it's like, it can be very dark, it can be very dark, but it's just like there's, I feel like God will bring you the resources, the people and things you need if you are seeking them and you want to get better.
[00:25:28] Me: Yeah.
[00:25:29] niah: You know? And I feel like I wanted to make school work and then that's when I found you and it's like, even though I couldn't make school well work, I still had you.
And I feel like either way I didn't get to finish the whole year, but I still did something very hard and that was beating the anxiety of school. So it was just like,
[00:25:46] Me: and you lasted at least a semester.
[00:25:48] niah: Yeah, I did.
[00:25:50] Me: She's fully back online.
[00:25:51] niah: Yeah, I am.
[00:25:52] Me: For anyone wondering.
[00:25:53] niah: Yeah.
[00:25:53] Me: Uh, thriving, flourishing, living her best life.
[00:25:56] niah: Yes. We'll be going back next year though.
[00:25:57] Me: So back to the traditional setting so you can finish off your two years.
[00:26:00] niah: Yes. I'm not excited, but yeah.
[00:26:05] Romanticizing/ Normalising behaviors
---
[00:26:05] Me: We're going back to romanticizing and normalizing like these behaviors and like what we deem as normal is so toxic.
And I keep bringing back Euphoria because it was a show that really stuck with this generation, but mainly like. It set a a standard for what we normalize and what we consider like acceptable.
[00:26:30] niah: I love Euphoria so bad.
[00:26:32] Me: Yeah. We all did. I mean, listen, I'm not even gonna lie. I love Euphoria
[00:26:35] niah: like I love Euphoria. It was really good. But , I feel like I didn't romanticize the behavior on there, but it's crazy because when I watched it, I I could relate to so many of the characters already. But I feel like now, especially when I watch Euphoria, yeah. It's like I see myself in almost every character except for Cassie. Actually, no, I don't. I don't know. She's just a little grim.
[00:26:55] Me: Now why do you think kids can't self-regulate? Like, I don't know, and just go zero to a hundred?
[00:27:03] niah: That's my thing. 'cause I don't know, like,
[00:27:08] Me: like they're so quick. I mean, you, you know, the school I work at and
[00:27:11] niah: No, that's what I'm saying.
[00:27:12] Me: A lot of kids don't have those coping skills or the communication skills to say, I'm pissed. I'm not okay.
I need a minute, I'm gonna break something. Like anything. They just go, they resort straight to violence. I mean, , I'm talking about girls too.
Now like these girls. Okay. Since you, you were on the cheer team and these girls for the mo, for the majority were all, . I guess labeled as crash outs. They didn't have any coping. They, they loved to fight.
[00:27:39] niah: Oh yeah. They love to fight.
[00:27:43] Me: They love putting their bags down. They just love getting into it. It's crazy. And I feel like it's a way of gaining a reputation. Mm-hmm. Maybe for themselves.
[00:27:52] niah: Like, do you know who I am? Why would you cross that? The thing is, with me, nobody but God scares me. Like you've seen it. Even my mom doesn't scare, like, you know? Mm-hmm. My mom does scare, but it's like in a different way. I'm just saying like, if you did something wrong, I'm very opinionated.
you're not gonna like run game, on me, I'm not scared of you.
[00:28:09] Me: Mm-hmm.
[00:28:10] niah: So I feel like they also didn't like that. 'cause everyone would take it on the team. Everybody took it on the team and then when it came into me, I wasn't taking it.
Like I feel like they felt power because they were so evil to them and the girls still loved them, so they would still try to be,
[00:28:23] Me: so being a crash out is empowering then in a way.
[00:28:25] niah: Yeah.
[00:28:27] Me: Makes sense. Checks out.
I think the difference between my generation and this generation is that I've lived in a world before internet.
Like we didn't grow up in the digital era. I feel like Gen Z, you guys grew up in the digital era, you know what I mean? Like you guys were born with the iPhone and the majority of your time is spent online. Now it is for me too, because that's just the norm that we've shifted into as like technology's evolved, but like, you know what I mean?
Like back then you weren't like self-reliant, you weren't doing shit on your own, there was just a lot more in real time interaction.
[00:29:02] niah: I feel like something that I should have probably added earlier is definitely everybody's background, because I feel like,
[00:29:09] Me: oh yeah, everybody's in cultural differences in demographic.
[00:29:12] niah: Yeah. Just because for me, a lot the topics you're talking about, I have a different outlook on them because I feel like I was raised to be very independent.
[00:29:21] Me: This is very, yes, this is a very interesting point to bring up.
[00:29:23] niah: Mm-hmm. Very, very independent. Another thing, it's like I can tell when I'm doing something that's not good.
Like screen time and , you know, it's just like even myself, like I cut my screen time down, like I'll put timers. Like it's just because no one is coming to save you. And it's just like, it's never, it's always been that way for me. Like no one's. I feel like most people think a man can save you. A friend can save you if
[00:29:45] Me: someone's coming to save us.
[00:29:46] No one is coming to save you: communal care
---
[00:29:46] niah: Yeah. Someone's coming to save you and no one is coming to save you. Like at all. You are all you got. Like someone can help you. But when shit gets tough, like sometimes you'll be able to see that people are gonna pick themselves or if you don't resonate with what they need to do, you're not gonna be a part of it.
Point blank.
[00:30:06] Me: If students are not reaching out, if they won't reach out for help, how can we be the help or offer communal cares to other, like how can we be the help ?
[00:30:17] niah: I feel like you have to just, listen more. You have to listen more. You have to look more like, you know, like I feel like
[00:30:24] Me: active listening, just paying attention, listening.
[00:30:27] niah: And I feel like I'm very good at studying somebody while they talk. Like I feel like I've had like a lot of friends and like crash out friends and I can hear without them telling me kind of, I can hear what's going on.
[00:30:40] Me: You can pick it up in the sound of the voice they're doing their body language.
[00:30:42] niah: Yeah. And I can see like why they're doing such and like why they feel like they have to do this. Yeah.
[00:30:49] Me: So maybe just being more,
[00:30:54] niah: observant..
[00:30:54] Me: Observant. Yes. I don't have words today. Observant, attentive.
Just like, I don't know.
[00:31:02] niah: Yeah.
[00:31:03] Me: We're also like self-absorbed. That's another problem. We're also like in our own world and so like involved in our own egos that , we forget that . Your neighbor's probably battling something that we know nothing about.
[00:31:16] niah: Yeah.
[00:31:17] Me: Compassion's also something that we need more of,
[00:31:20] niah: it's important to be nice.
[00:31:21] Me: It's important to be nice. Be kind, please . Everyone that, that quote, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. so even when kids come and have a bad day, I see someone that needs something more and is not finding it or has not found it. Sometimes it's a hit or miss. I'll get them to open up. I mean, the way I met Rosie. She was in the middle of a crash out, I remember.
And I didn't know her. She didn't know me. She wasn't even like in my grade. And I opened my door and I said, are you okay? And she's like, are you, are you free? Can I talk to you? And I said, yeah. And with time trust and rapport was built, but you know what I mean?
Like, and not every kid's gonna be that way. 'cause I've had kids like shut down and, and say that I'm in their business when it's literally my job. To be in their business. But I'm like, I get it. There's a stigma.
[00:32:12] niah: I can understand.
[00:32:13] Me: There's a stigma. 'cause you know, not everybody trusts the, no, they're so school guidance counselor.
[00:32:18] niah: I really, you changed the view of counselors from, I really did not. I didn't like counselors. They're so annoying. And they're like in invasive and they're like, there's some type of counselors, there's like annoying. Like, no, no. There's ones that I feel like they have nothing good. Like they don't even try to help.
They're just like, well just call the cops. Like never have to come back here again. Like, you know, like that's all they wanna do. Just call the cops and that's it. Like, you know, like no problem solving, no nothing. Like
[00:32:45] Me: they don't wanna push paper.
[00:32:46] niah: They just like, yeah. They're just like, mm-hmm Just gonna call the cops.
Like, and you never have to come back here if you don't want to. Like, mm-hmm. Just don't do that again. So it's just like, yeah,
[00:32:54] Me: You feel like it's a way that they kind of.
[00:32:57] niah: Yeah,
[00:32:58] Me: rid themselves of
[00:32:59] niah: it's like you didn't even, you're not even wondering like, what's going on. You just like, you're just so quick to like, I just, I get home and the cops are already in my house, like, what's going on?
[00:33:08] Me: You don't even know the world that you just like unleashed for me, bitch. Like
[00:33:11] niah: literally,
[00:33:12] Me: you just split my life upside down.
[00:33:14] niah: Like now I'm in more trouble. Like, come on now.
[00:33:17] Me: Next thing you know, you're in a freaking foster home for like a, for like two days and your parents are like having a pee and a cup like Jesus.
[00:33:25] niah: No, for real. Like,
[00:33:26] Me: that's what I'm saying. I don't understand like, why can't counselors, more counselors just read a room. I just like,
[00:33:33] niah: oh my God. Like I remember the first couple, the first couple of times of me talking to you. I was so on edge. I'm just like, every day I'm just,
[00:33:40] Me: I felt it.
[00:33:40] niah: No, felt it. Every day
[00:33:42] Me: you were like very uneasy.
[00:33:44] niah: No. Every day I'm just like, I kept on telling my friends at the time, like I'm just always so paranoid guys. Like, what about the, like, cops are gonna come to my house any day now.
[00:33:52] Me: Did I give federal? Like did I give fed vibes?
[00:33:55] niah: No, you
didn't. It's just this, it's just counselors give fed vibes, like counselors are fed
[00:34:00] Me: well.
Doesn't help that. The other two are like fucking mean robotic.
Yeah. Gazi soul G. Yeah. They're the ghouls of guidance ghouls.
[00:34:08] niah: They're very evil, so it's just. I don't know. I, I remember telling my friends, I'm like, any day now she's gonna come and she's gonna, they're gonna come and they're gonna probably like ask me ton, tons of questions.
And they're just like, Naya, I think she would've been done it by now. I'm just like, I don't know. And I was very selective. And then after time I'm just like, okay, she might be cool.
[00:34:28] Me: And then after some time everybody knew what you were in your counselor's office?
[00:34:31] niah: My friends knew where to find me.
That's true. I heard that. Well, I think we've, I think we've covered a lot.
[00:34:40] Two Truths and a Lie
---
[00:34:40] Me: Let's do two you first truths and a lie crash out version. Crash out edition.
[00:34:45] niah: Okay. You go first.
[00:34:46] Me: I'll give you two true stories that actually happened and one lie. Right.
[00:34:56] niah: Okay. And am I supposed to guess the lie?
[00:34:59] Me: Yes.
[00:35:00] niah: Okay.
[00:35:01] Me: Okay. One, I fought a racist. In front of the Sawgrass Mall when I was 12 and my grandparents had to hold me back. I, I actually ran underneath my grandparents' legs. Because I was gonna go for that guy insulting my family, who actually did tell us to go back to where we came from on the boat that we came from.
So there's that, um, there's,
[00:35:27] niah: that's a lie.
[00:35:27] Me: There's,
there's me fighting a girl who threatened to take my dog away. I know. Not in Meisner Park. So I beat the shit outta her and also kind of gave her a bloody nose and ran away. Um, and then there's one more. Where I almost fought this bitch who threatened the 10th grade counselor on the school bus.
So, um, I got in her face and told her to turn back around.
[00:35:54] niah: I know. Which one's a lie?
[00:35:56] Me: Which one's a lie? . Okay. Which ones the lie?
[00:35:58] niah: The, the one. at sawgrass.
[00:36:01] Me: plot twist. They're all true.
[00:36:04] niah: I knew it. I'm like, that sounded a little too real. That sounded a little too real sound. Very, because
[00:36:10] Me: it sounds un brand.
[00:36:11] niah: I, and then like you got very heated talking about it, so I'm pretty sure all of them were true.
[00:36:16] Me: No. all, we're true.
[00:36:17] niah: I just remember, I never heard you tell me the first one, but I remember you definitely telling me the Yeah.
[00:36:23] Me: Okay. Let's do Naya now.
[00:36:25] niah: Okay.
[00:36:26] Me: You have quite the selection to choose from.
[00:36:29] niah: I'm trying to think.
Okay. I was prank calling my ex, but I was using a text now number, and she kept on thinking it was me.
And I kept on texting and being like, that's not who, like, your, your priorities are messed up. It's somebody else. So she would call me on no caller id and she'd be like, now I stop fucking calling my phone. And it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I just woke up. No one's fucking, no one's fucking texting you.
So she calls me back and she says, call my phone one more time and I'm coming and I'm gonna egg your house. And I was like, I wish you fucking would come egg my house. I'm beating your ass.
I was like, that would be my free ticket. 'cause like. It's something warranted. . That's the first one.
[00:37:08] Me: Okay, so you texted your girlfriend from a text now number so many times she threatened to come to your house and egg it. So you waited outside waiting to fight her?
[00:37:20] niah: My ex-girlfriend.
[00:37:21] Me: Okay. So that's one.
[00:37:22] niah: Um, that's one.
[00:37:23] Me: What's the second?
[00:37:24] niah: Second one would have to be
my mom's boyfriend ate my chips. Mind you, I had been waiting the perfect moment to eat those chips. Mm-hmm. I, I was waiting two weeks and when I finally was craving them, they weren't there. And I crashed out like really bad. Like I started cussing everybody else in the house. Yeah, that's the, that's that one.
[00:37:48] Me: Mm-hmm.
[00:37:49] niah: The third one would be,
I fought a girl in the hallway in middle school because she , made a comment about my appearance and I didn't like that.
[00:38:03] Me: So you fought her on site?
[00:38:04] niah: Yeah.
[00:38:06] Me: Okay.
I believe you cussed out your whole house over food 'cause you've thrown out food. So, and they do stay trying you with, with not getting you leftovers or food. So I believe that it's true. I do believe you were waiting for your ex outside of your house to fight her. 'cause she was batshit crazy.
But I don't think you would just fight a girl in the hallway just to fight her. Maybe in middle school. But in,
[00:38:32] niah: I said in middle school,
[00:38:36] Me: I still don't think, I feel like she'd have to say something outrageous. Like
[00:38:39] niah: I told you. She said something about my peers. I really didn't like. Oh, so shit.
[00:38:45] Me: And one of these is a lie.
Okay. Maybe you did fight her.
[00:38:53] niah: Okay. So do you wanna change your lie?
[00:38:58] Me: No, I'm gonna stay with that.
[00:39:00] niah: Dang. You know me too well!
[00:39:01] Me: that one's not true, right?
[00:39:03] niah: No.
[00:39:03] Me: There we go. Okay. I was gonna say,
[00:39:06] niah: you know me too well.
[00:39:07] Me: Yeah.
[00:39:09] niah: No, I was dead wrong for the thing with my ex though.
[00:39:13] Me: I can see you standing there like
[00:39:16] niah: no, I was, I was like waiting outside. No. I was like looking out my window and like every single time I heard someone pull up like I
[00:39:22] Me: you were running downstairs.
[00:39:23] niah: I kept on being like it might be her and to like, and I stayed up for a good little minute just so I made sure I didn't miss her egging my house.
[00:39:29] Me: Damn.
[00:39:31] niah: I can't believe you really tricked me. Like all three of them were true. I really thought they were.
[00:39:39] Outro
---
[00:39:39] Me: Well, this has been lovely.
[00:39:40] niah: It has been.
[00:39:41] Me: Um, you know, for anyone who will be listening. This is like the first official little co-host episode that we're toying around with. So it's actually really, really fun and I'm honored to have, had, , you know, a former student as one of my first.
Because it's just so special and who else was I gonna interview?
[00:40:01] niah: Aw.
[00:40:01] Me: Instead of the former D one. Crash out.
[00:40:05] niah: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
[00:40:06] Me: Who else? Who else would I have done this with?
[00:40:08] niah: Yeah. Who else?
[00:40:09] Me: We had mocktails. We had spinach dip. Mm. We're about to watch baddies so we can
[00:40:13] niah: Yes- and make phone charms,
[00:40:16] Me: see, there are, so guys, there are ways to just come
[00:40:19] niah: decompress
[00:40:20] Me: and decompress. Watch a show, makes, craft paint. Journal, what else can you say?
[00:40:28] niah: Read.
[00:40:29] Me: Read.
[00:40:29] niah: Tan.
[00:40:30] Me: Tan.
Go on a walk. Sounds generic, but go on a walk. They do touch some grass. Touch some grass.
Go on, take yourself on a picnic.
[00:40:38] niah: Yeah. Take yourself on cafe dates.
[00:40:40] Me: Yes.
[00:40:41] niah: Were saving my life at a point. Cafe. I love a good cafe. Yes. Like I love cafes. Yeah. Like, you know, I'll just go to cafe.
[00:40:47] Me: Get yourself a sweet treat cafe.
[00:40:48] niah: Yes.
[00:40:48] Me: Sweet treats. Make your mood better. I mean, if you're not diabetic or anything, but Yeah. Any messages for young girls who are crash outs and maybe think that doesn't get better or that nobody gives a fuck about them? What is your message for them?
[00:41:06] niah: It's not worth it. It's not cute. It's not cute. Don't be classless.
Um, don't be classless. You get more,
[00:41:16] Me: catch more flies with honey. Baby.
[00:41:19] niah: Don't say my line before me.
[00:41:22] Me: You were gonna say no.
[00:41:23] niah: I was gonna say you get more sugar with you.
[00:41:27] Me: Catch more flies with honey.
That's the thing,
[00:41:29] niah: I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, you have to be resilient.
[00:41:36] Me: Be your own superhero. We did say that.
[00:41:37] niah: Yeah. And you will be surprised how much you can get through in this life, even if you don't want to. But you'll be surprised. , I feel like for a lot of the situations I did everything but literally die.
[00:41:51] Me: So now since we're here talking about like. Messages to the youth therapy: you, it's new for you. You're taking it on?
[00:42:03] niah: Yes.
[00:42:03] Me: For the first time. Recommends to a friend.
[00:42:06] niah: Yes, I would. I would recommend to a friend, but you have to make sure you. Care about changing. You have to be willing to change.
[00:42:12] Me: You gotta want to do it.
[00:42:13] niah: Yeah, you gotta want to do it. 'cause then, ' some people tell me that therapy's never been affected from it. They just think everything they say is stupid. But I feel like it's because you're not going in with the energy of wanting to receive, oh,
[00:42:23] Me: with an open heart.
[00:42:24] niah: You have to go in with a receiving energy because if you're not going in willing to receive, then it's just like.
[00:42:31] Me: Yeah, you will get what you put into it, pretty much.
[00:42:35] niah: Yeah, for sure. However much you're cooperating with them, that's how much you'll get back. For sure.
[00:42:43] Me: All right. Well this has been beautiful. Thank you so much.
[00:42:46] niah: Thank you
[00:42:47] Me: for coming over and doing this with me. We'll definitely be doing more. Yeah, we do more as we evolve and have more, more tools to play with.
But we'll vlog soon. You'll get to see and hear us. But, um, thanks so much, Naya, Naya Naya, my favorites.