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The Queer Stories of 'Cuse podcast series was created by the LGBTQ Resource Center at Syracuse University (SU), in collaboration with The SENSES Project, to curate an oral history archive telling queer stories in an authentic light. This series features interviews of past and present SU students, staff, faculty and community members of the Greater Syracuse area who are passionate about queer issues and advocacy work.
Special thanks to:
The SENSES Project Program Coordinator, Nick Piato
Director of SU LGBTQ Resource Center, Jorge Castillo
Associate Director of SU Office of Supportive Services, Amy Horan Messersmith
Co-hosts: Bushra Naqi, Rio Flores & Sebastian Callahan
Interview with Essence Seals
Host: Rio Flores
Rio Flores 0:05
Hello, nice to meet you. My Name is Rio Flores and I'm a senior at Syracuse University. I'm working with the LGBTQ Resource Center to record stories and experiences from members of the community that have either lived in Syracuse or attended to SU. So just to begin, can you please say your name and your pronouns?
Essence Seals 0:30
Hi, yes, I'm, I'm Essence Seals, pronoun she here.
Rio Flores 0:36
Nice to meet you. And can you tell me your affiliation with Syracuse whether you live in a community or you attended us you?
Essence Seals 0:46
Um, yes, I'm a recent graduate of Syracuse University. This past May I graduated, so alumni status.
Rio Flores 0:57
Congratulations. I'm glad you're able to graduate. Hopefully I can finish and can you tell me when and where you were born essentially if it was and like in New York City or a specific major
Essence Seals 1:14
so I was born right in Syracuse. So I just went to school in my hometown essentially.
Rio Flores 1:21
I did not realize he was a Syracuse local. Do you were in Syracuse, did you broken?
Essence Seals 1:31
Um, I grew up with a round like, almost like the east side and then the south side because like such houses so.
Rio Flores 1:42
I like always by and can you I guess the question would be a growing up like in Syracuse or just growing up in general. How was it being a part of like, you know, the LGBTQ i A plus community or like, Was it difficult with your friends or family just like personal personally did you have like any struggles?
Essence Seals 2:11
Um, I think like, before I came to like the realization of like, my sexuality, it was kind of like, not hard. And, but like with family, they're like some family that of course, like, weren't really outspoken about LGBTQ issues. Some family members were and they were completely like, fine. With me being bisexual. Some of them clocked it before I even did. We're just wondering, but I'm within like Syracuse, I'd say that. There's like there's like a good LG BT DQ. I'm like, I don't I don't think it's like, really out there. As much as like other communities might be from more bigger cities. But there's definitely like a community here. And if, like, if you have like that close knit, I feel like within Syracuse, like, you'd be fine. Yeah. And I'm, I'm fine. I don't know. I can't speak for others, though.
Rio Flores 3:20
No, that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that. I think you mentioned when you mentioned, like, I realized you to come into the realization of your sexuality and how like others were able to like, say, Oh, maybe I just do. I definitely feel like I had like, a similar experience when I was growing up. So I think, um, I guess the next thing would just be like, coming to terms with your sexuality, like you mentioned before, like, it wasn't something that you realized right away. So like, how was that for you? And then like, maybe, like, were you not afraid? But like, Were you just worried about like, specific things that would happen because of your sexuality once you realize?
Essence Seals 4:05
Um, well, in regards to like, my sexuality, only a few people actually know. Like, some, like family members know and then some don't and, like, in regards to like, the ones that don't I feel like it's not really something they need to know because they're that group of family that wouldn't really understand or, you know, would make fun of me. Yeah, like as a joke, but like, it's not really funny, because that's who I am. And then there are those parts of like the family members that do know that I didn't exactly like, Come out to them. But like, once they like realized, Oh, you like girls? I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I guess I do. You're not wrong. I'm not gonna like I'm not gonna say you're wrong or anything. You're right. And like they're cool with it. So I think Hmm, like Oh, no. Sorry. For time, no, it
Rio Flores 5:09
was good. I was just mainly like your experience with like, realizing it, because I feel like if I had, like, it's very similar. Maybe I knew I was gay if I didn't like, real, like, I didn't want to, like, say until, like, you know, like, I got a little bit like, because like, I feel like as a kid, you know, we're always like doing stuff as a child. So I'm gonna show
Essence Seals 5:35
ya like, yeah, exactly. And I feel like when I got to SU, that's when I came to like the realization of like, my sexuality with both being bisexual and asexual as well. So and that's because like, in high school, I'm surrounded by the family, I live with the family that wouldn't really get it and would make fun of me, whereas, and college now I'm with like, these other people that are experiencing the same thing, or they're out and proud. So it wasn't until I reached college that I was like, okay, yeah, this is like, this is me. And I'm comfortable with it with the people that are comfortable with me as well. But with others that aren't, they don't really need to know. Like, that's not the business.
Rio Flores 6:30
Yeah, like, I mean, I can waste your time trying to do because, like, I like I have the same feeling in regards to like, my identities, like I am, like, I'm trans and I am queer. And I feel like I became I transitioned when I was in college, right? Because you know, this like, I guess going to college allowing you to space to do certain things or like you know, just having more comfortability around like yourself, but I definitely know that, like, I swear, some family members, this is gonna be an argument, or it's just gonna be like, I just, it's not, it's not it's not worth my time, and energy. And I think definitely, yeah, realizing when to step away, is something. So, definitely a learning experience. Um, I guess, I guess, because you just mentioned, I was on campus, did you? I guess, did you find any, like, spaces or like circles, like, in fact, it could be a friend, it could be somewhere on campus, that you felt comfortable. And it doesn't have to be like a research center. Like, it's just like, it could be like friends? Yeah, you know?
Essence Seals 7:48
Um, yeah, so like, um, my step team Black Rain, they had a lot of LGBTQ members on the team. And while I never directly stated, hey, I'm bisexual, everyone kind of already collected, like, we already knew something about each other. So there are a few lesbians on the team, trans man on the team. So we, that was like, a safe space for us. And a safe space for me. Like, that was my family, outside of family. And not only were like, they were the family like, that I'm missing from my home. But they were like, my LGBTQ family, as well.
Rio Flores 8:34
Yeah. And you mentioned, I guess, home and like, like, so like, I guess my question would just be like, What does like home or family mean to you, in a sense, because it's chosen families as like, you know, families that were related to by blood. And I know, like, this, like, queer folks just struggle in the sense of like, like, being okay, that, you know, our families might be different. So I guess like, what I guess what is home? Or this family to you? Um, and yeah, yeah. No,
Essence Seals 9:11
yeah. Um, so I'm a strong believer and like chosen family, and the family that, like, they don't have to be blood, but as long as they're, like sticking up for you, and they protect you, and they act like real family should, then that's family in my book, like, you could be like my best friend. We can not be related at all. But if you treat me as your own, and I treat you as my own, we're, we're best friends. Yeah, we're connected. We're family. So it doesn't really matter blood or not. To me, so that's how I view some of the people that I met on campus as family because at the end of the day, we did all come to the school together. We did all I'll build community with each other, and build like a bond together. So poor family at the end of the day.
Rio Flores 10:10
Thank you for saying that, because I, you know, like with, I guess like children families is just in general, like, I feel like when we come to campus, and we're like a way people get, like anxious in the sense of like, they feel like our responsibility to like the, you know, their families like in that. And that could mean like, if they're related by blood or biologically, but like, they sometimes folks don't feel like they're allowed to choose who they want to, like, be with, and like, feel guilty, if they're like, just like separating themselves from people that may not understand who they are. Um, so it was there. I was, she was saying that, um, I wanted to ask, how have you felt your identities like, impacted your experiences, and it is not just like, queerness. But just like, also, like, just being at a predominantly white institution, and the history that Syracuse has, is not great. So, how is it like, you know, like, in classes or just like, because, you know, you're, you're from Syracuse to community, you know, and you see that, like, yeah, the impact says you also has on community, so just like, your, your, um, your feelings about su in general, and like your experience are from itself?
Essence Seals 11:36
Um, wait, it was already question. Um, I feel like, my relationship with Su is kinda like, men. Like, I feel like, in the academic sense, I'm not really hyped about it. Within like, the community, and building my community, finding my community, that's where that's where, like, my priorities. And my like, my gratefulness is to see because they introduced me to these groups of people. Even though it was kinda like, tough at first as a freshman finding your community. At the end of the day, I still found it, some people don't, which is unfortunately, unfortunate, even threw out there for years. And that's all on I think Su and its lack of like, showcasing like, these different orgs because, sorry, because I didn't even know there was, um, what do you call it the asexual, like, meetings that the LGBTQ A center held until my senior year, I didn't know those existed, this existed until my senior year. And I feel like that's more on like, su meeting to showcase their different students and the diversity of their students, whether that be sexually, race, gender, all that. But, um, so that's where my criticisms will se come from, because that makes it really tough for people to find their identity. And when you're stuck in a classroom of majority white sis men, it's, it feels like, that's all that's around you. And it makes it seem like finding like the LGBTQ members or the black community, or the Asian community. It feels like, like a tiny, tiny speck in the in the hole, you know, like su Yeah, it feels like tiny and it's like, Why do I have to search for this? Like, we're here? Why don't you already show us that people like me are here? Yeah. You know,
Rio Flores 14:25
I feel like when they do show, it's more like, they're just trying to cover up for the fact that they haven't, or is this like, using students of color again, for you know, marketing and like, like, showcasing certain students like I yeah, I definitely agree. Um, I also have a hot and cold relationship with Su academically. It's not great. Um, but it's I'm glad that I was able to connect with people and and just meet folks within su that also does support the community that also believe in like, abolition or just like providing help.
Unknown Speaker 15:12
When it needs to be.
Rio Flores 15:14
I guess the question is, what are some things that bring you joy. Because I think when we talk about joy, it's more so like, not allowing folks within the community or just also like folks of color to like, know that, you know, they can find joy in things that making sure that they're, I guess, practice, like practicing self care, and some sense of like, making sure that they do things that make them happy. So what are like, some things that bring you joy.
Essence Seals 15:47
I'm hanging out with my friends, that brings me a lot of joy. Even though on campus, I didn't hang out much, because I was always tired. And I always stayed inside. But whenever I did, like, see friends on campus, and we'd like Kiki and say hi. And so that brought me joy, because it's like, I haven't seen you in like forever. Even though I haven't probably seen you in like a week or something. But that brings me a lot of joy. And even though I'm like, cross country from a majority of my friends still seeing them, whether it be on like social media, and like interacting with them, that makes me happy because it knows I still have this community and I can still communicate with them. At the end of the day, whether I'm five minutes away for them, or eight hours away.
Rio Flores 16:44
Yeah. I'm thank you for that, I guess cuz I, you know, I just guess joy in the sense of like, just making sure like, there's also small things we could do on campus or just like you do it privately. I feel like I you know, as you can make you very sad. Like academically like a lot of these classes, like a lot of the work that they make you do a lot of the professors don't understand, like specific things, like when we talk about like, accommodations, they're just like, hey, I'm struggling. Yeah. So I think it's just good to also focus on like, joy, or just like caring for yourself. Like, I enjoy video games. I try. I try to play that or like, there's watching just shows. I'm just watching things. I were like reading. Um, but, like I but um, I'm glad that you're able to, like, hang out, see your friends, like when he was able to see your friends on campus. And that was fun. Because I know when I was like, a lot more social before COVID I used to get really excited when I
Unknown Speaker 18:00
was having COVID It ruined everything.
Rio Flores 18:04
Yeah, I, um, I like swish completely out there. COVID I feel like it's just, I felt even awkward just to interact with people in person. Like, I don't know what to do.
Essence Seals 18:15
Yeah, same.
Rio Flores 18:18
But I guess another question, would it be? And this is essentially the interviews essentially wrapping up, but have you ever felt like have you ever felt that like, you know, like, Su has helped or like harm, like, in, in the sense of if, you know, the things that happen in society, you know, like, the things that are happening, like current day, like, what if because, like, Biden, if it's what AI government is doing, whenever it's like, you know, it's just racist news in the media, this stuff, just stuff that's terrible, right. Have you felt like, as you has done anything to help with, like, things that are happening, like carrying terms like, like, I don't know how to phrase Have you felt supported when there's things going wrong? And I say,
Essence Seals 19:34
um, I mean, no, not too much. Like those little emails that they send out sending like their regards and stuff. Okay, that's just like an email like, Thank you, I guess. But at the end of the day, like I'm still mentally affected by the things that's going on and By sending one little email and then going on the rest of your day, not having, you know, like support groups for students and us having to make that ourselves. That's not really like helping us at the end of the day, like you're kind of just doing a one and done type of thing and I feel like they kind of did that when not again was happening. They kind of like they were really complicit with that. And I let me not even get into that, but didn't really feel supported when when that was occurring either. The only time I'm I was feeling supported was when they did that Care Act, and they gave us money
Rio Flores 20:51
that's the only time money was just an email the amount of money I don't even I might have to cut this kind of money. Syracuse has we guys so like classrooms and stuff like this computer lab and School of Education in the basement? No one everytime I go this empty. The chairs alone is like 12k because I was like so I can't get I can't get one get
Essence Seals 21:33
had to like put in fake numbers and stuff like tally up ticket. Like, come on now. Like, all this money that they do have they could use that to like put it more into supporting students like mentally and physically. Not just you know, the classroom giving us fancy desk
Rio Flores 22:06
and it's not that this care alone, like even even like with any other support, like financial aid, like talking about the university cannot over aid students is now over aid if I have loans.
Essence Seals 22:23
Right, exactly.
Rio Flores 22:24
Oh, I'm, it's no, it's not overhead if I'm still like struggling to pay.
Unknown Speaker 22:29
No, literally so.
Rio Flores 22:30
So the
I guess I question. i The second the last one would just be like any wisdom. Any advice you would give? Imagine yourself and freshman year imagines is any kid. Join me here for the first time like any advice to teach a generation of queer non queer folks, people of color. Anyone that would be listening to the podcast?
Essence Seals 23:06
Yeah, so definitely find your community during those freshmen weeks, and you see the, the tables going on. And like the different orgs showcasing what they do, sign up, sign up to one that catches your eye and go to it. Like, even if it's just like a dance org and you're going to the clinic, you're not even going to the trial, go to the clinic and meet some new people. If you're going to ASU and just go to a little meeting find people look up Instagrams, like if you got to type in because what I did to find the LGBTQ Instagram and all that stuff, I just typed LGBTQ Syracuse. But if that's what you have to do, do it just find a community if you want some people are like to be by themselves. But I'd say definitely, like branch out and find people that you can click with. During you don't even have to have a big group of friends even if you have like one friend, aside from the ones that you have at home like like just build that like friendship and that community for yourself because it gets really really draining. Especially during the times of like finals and like things are stacking up and you're getting stressed. Your friends are gonna like take your mind off of that stress.
Rio Flores 24:52
Thank you for saying those kinds of rights kids, the folks I'm In the future generations and I guess the final question, which is essentially B, if you want to say anything else about your overall experience, you know, at ASU at in Syracuse, and if you would like to say anything you're grateful for. I'm
Essence Seals 25:21
Ah, I don't really have nothing to say to versity they took forever to give me my diploma. So um, thank you for the diploma. Thank you for letting me graduate. Syracuse community. You have your good points and you have your bad points. I love you nonetheless. Shout out to my team Black Rain. Step team. I love you guys dearly. And I miss you all so much. And that is it. I'm actually am thankful for Syracuse for introducing me to the people that I've met. A lot of the people that I've met have helped me through very, very hard times, like mentally, physically, financially, they have helped me and that is like, that's family there. So I appreciate Syracuse for allowing me to cross paths with paths with those wonderful people.
Rio Flores 26:27
I'm glad that Syracuse has what some fortune some luckier way, I thought it might like theater. But thank you so much for allowing me the time to interview you. I hope that work isn't too difficult today for you. And you're able to also rested. Relax, and have joy. Thank you for your time again. Of course. Thank
Unknown Speaker 27:03
you have a nice day. You too.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai