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Zach:Find out more by following us on social media or going to our website at youcanmentor.com. You can mentor. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. This is Zach, and I'm with John. Say hi, John.
Zach:Hey, everybody. John b, baby. He's back.
John:So glad to be back.
Zach:He is in a sassy mood today. Yeah. Just you are angsty.
John:It's it's a little warm outside and I'm drinking coffee. It's just heat on heat, man. White heat.
Zach:White heat. That's right. Here at the You Come Indoor podcast. Hey, guys. I'm serious.
Zach:I'm getting a little sad here because I know I've asked y'all to give us a podcast rating before and no one seems to be doing it.
John:So That's not been happening?
Zach:It has not been happening and currently we sit at 90 podcast reviews on Apple Podcasts. We have 19 on Spotify and I wanna see a 100 on Apple and at least 30 on Spotify by the end of 2024, the year of our Lord.
John:I think that's a really realistic goal.
Zach:I do too.
John:And, certainly people can do that.
Zach:Guys, help us out. Yeah. Please.
John:So it's a little thing to ask.
Zach:It's just so small. Okay. Last little plug, go to our website. Find us on social media at you can mentor at middleman.
John:That's right. Middleman dash ministries dot org.
Zach:Yeah. Sure. That's great. But hey, check out our stuff. We we've got Learning Labs.
Zach:You can sign up for that. We have the National Mentoring Gathering. You can sign up for that. Anything to help Christian Mentors thrive, we got.
John:Lots of resources. It really is laid out and it's very user friendly.
Zach:Well, thank you. But today we're talking about, well, John's got a story.
John:Yeah, man. I I think I might just wanna even begin the conversation, by asking you what's your what's your experience been with motorcycles?
Zach:Well, John, I I don't like them. Okay. That's my take.
John:So you you haven't you have an attitude about them or a Well, yeah. Opinion.
Zach:Yeah. Because I'm huge. I'm I'm I'm a giant. Oh, yeah. I can't fit on a motorcycle.
John:Have you
Zach:seen me?
John:If you sit on a motorcycle, will will your feet drag?
Zach:Probably. Okay. It's kinda like going to 6 flags and riding on a ride where your legs dangle terrifies me.
John:Okay. Okay. Well That's how I
Zach:feel about a motorcycle.
John:I think being a normal sized man
Zach:Mhmm.
John:I've had a little bit of a different experience. So I like them. Something you may might should know and I think our listeners who are also motorcycle enthusiasts, I think they would agree with me that, the experience is really satisfying because you know what you can do? You kinda get to be, there's a lot of great things about it. But what I really love about it is, and Silas is gonna back me up on this as well.
John:You get to just you get to really enjoy the environment. Meaning that instead of the windshield and and the and the fake air that you're breathing from your air conditioner, you are breathing fresh air and you're actually, like, you know, you're you're riding by a restaurant and you can smell the restaurant, you know. You can ride by some, flowers and smell the flowers. Sometimes you actually get, like, currents of different feeling air as well in terms of warmth. It's like when you're swimming and you feel a a warm current, like, when we're swimming and you start to feel a warm current come come through the water.
Zach:Then that means someone just peed in the water?
John:It could. It could. But if you would just see it as as a more of a pure beautiful thing, you realize that's that's neat.
Zach:Okay. Audience, let's hit pause here. There's a couple of things that y'all need to know. Okay? First off, John loves motorcycles and he thinks everyone else does too.
Zach:And John, I'm sitting here today and I wanna make a bet with you. I bet no one who's listening to this podcast rides a motorcycle.
John:I love that you went ahead and put that challenge out there.
Zach:If you ride a motorcycle and listen to the You Can Mentor podcast, send me an email at zach@ukumentor.comzsch and I will give you a $10 gift card to Chick Fil A. And John, I will give you
John:A mug?
Zach:A You Can Mentor coffee mug.
John:Oh my goodness. Which we're drinking out
Zach:of today for the first time if you're watching on YouTube.
John:These are wonderful mugs by the way.
Zach:And we're really jazzed about it. But yeah. So if if you like mentoring and ride a motorcycle send me an email because I don't believe anyone does.
John:Okay.
Zach:Except for you.
John:Well, and and and you people who have a negative opinion about motorcycles just bear with me. Because what what we're calling this episode today is the motorcycle metaphor.
Zach:Let me tell y'all how this happened. Okay? So John and I are buddies and we like hanging out together.
John:John's No. We're good. We're good on time. It's fine.
Zach:And John and I have been trying to figure out what our next podcast will be about. And John called me the other morning and he said, hey, I've got this idea. And I said, it's about motorcycles. I don't know if anyone's going to like it. I don't know if it's gonna hit, it's gonna relate.
Zach:But guys, John did a bang up job. And I do believe that John is going to somehow play the motorcycle metaphor into helping us all become better mentors today. So John, take it away.
John:Alright man. Here we go. So with my kids, you know, obviously I'm not gonna be putting them on a on a motorcycle. So, as soon as they were able to, as soon as they were old enough you know what I did? I, I would have a series of different cars and and different things and motorcycles and such.
John:But, when they were little I would ride these little Honda scooters from the eighties. They were called elite eighties. And what's so great about a scooter as you know. Right? Yeah.
John:You can you can put your your little one like right there in your lap and you can and and you can kinda hold them as you ride. And they're also very quiet and so you can kinda communicate. So some of my earliest memories with my kids as they began to enjoy motor motorsport. Right? Was, them being able to sit with dad.
John:And then when they get old enough I have him sit behind me. And then they kind of aged out of that and then they would ride 4 wheelers and little scooters around themselves. So they've kinda always enjoyed that. Well, so my son became of the age he's now 18 years old. And he's a pretty competent rider so he rides dirt bikes and such and some street bikes.
John:But we've never, before just last week gone on a ride together. So when I say go on a ride together I don't mean my son riding on the same motorcycle with me. I mean, I'm on a motorcycle and my 18 year old's on another motorcycle. You got that middle image? Yes.
John:Okay. So as I'm doing this I'm thinking, dude, there is just such like rich mentoring metaphor in this experience. And so that my friend is what I wanted to kinda talk about, share with you a little bit. So are you ready for some of the truths that we can pull from that experience?
Zach:John, I would like nothing more than for you to tell me the truths about mentoring that you received by riding a motorcycle. Okay.
John:Well, here we go. Number 1. Communication is key. Alright? And that is to share with you that, I noticed that this day and by the way, I live in Waco, Texas.
Zach:That's right, baby.
John:And we have Cameron Park. You've enjoyed Cameron Park before?
Zach:I have. It's beautiful.
John:It really is a beautiful park. It's right next to the Brazos River. And, there's a really wonderful winding roadway right through it from the south side to the north side. And so my son and I rode, downtown by the bridge and then up through Cameron Park and then back again. Okay.
John:Wonderful ride. Very short, safe, A lot of fun. But I I realized that it was important for me to be able to communicate with Levi before we even set out to tell him what to expect. I also realized that as we're riding I would wanna communicate something to him and and obviously there are some difficulties there. Right?
John:In terms of being able to communicate while moving as we're keeping our eyes on the road and such. And then afterward there was a real debriefing kind of opportunity as well. Right? Because again, this was his first time to kinda ride with another rider and, he's he's, you know, riding behind me and off to the side there. And, you know, I had to anticipate what situations might occur while we're riding based on, where we were going and then and then really speak into those scenarios about what we would do in case something would happen.
Zach:So as a mentor, when your mentee is experiencing something new, something that you are challenging them with, It is so vital that we communicate with them before we even get in that situation. During the situation and then afterwards we debrief with them.
John:Mhmm.
Zach:It is our job as a mentor to think ahead, kinda get some vision on situations that that might pop up. Hey, this might happen. You might expect this. If this happens, do this. If this happens, do that.
Zach:And that is how we are going to truly live life with our mentees and teach them how to, excel and how to grow in situations that they might not be familiar with.
John:Absolutely. I think that we rise and fall on communication as mentors.
Zach:Oh, it's so important.
John:When you think about it, the mistakes that you're gonna make is when you say something or don't say something, but may get processed in the wrong way by our mentee and then you have to kinda come back because maybe, you know, again it turns into a situation. And so being able to communicate well, I think is so important. I I often say it doesn't matter what you meant. It really matters what was heard. Right?
John:What was perceived. Because our intention doesn't, you know sometimes our intention lines up perfectly with what we say and sometimes it doesn't.
Zach:And I think for me as a mentor, I mean, please don't get me wrong. When you're hanging out with your mentee, when you are taking them on new experiences, that's amazing. Like, you are a you're an a mentor. If you wanna be an a plus mentor, you have to be intentional with these conversations. Especially for me, it's the debrief.
Zach:I always forget to debrief. Mhmm. But there's so much gold in, hey. This is about to happen. Let's talk about it.
Zach:How are you feeling? This might happen. How would you handle that? And then during the experience, you're right there with them. And you're encouraging them, and you're watching them, and you're smiling, and you are just supporting them.
Zach:You're championing them.
John:Mhmm.
Zach:And then afterwards, you're talking about, hey, how did it make you feel when this happened? Tell me what was going through your head whenever this happened and so on. Yeah. It's a it's a it's simple, but, man, it is so important if you wanna really maximize the, the engagement with your mid team.
John:Absolutely. And this kind of applies to whether it's your weekly meeting and just in conversation, but also some of those kind of special, events that you might have. Let's say you might be on a on a on a camping trip with with your mentee or or something else that you just kinda have like a real learning experience. Again, that's why that's why it's a a good powerful thing. And also a really great thing about that kinda debrief time, let me just say this, is that it's so important that that it be just saturated in encouragement.
John:Right? Even if even sometimes if we have to be critical, we always want to be overall very encouraging. So scripturally speaking, when it comes to our words, just real quick, Proverbs 16/24 says gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Matthew 12, Jesus says, I tell you that every careless word that people speak they shall give an accounting for in the day of judgment. So our words matter.
John:Right? We know that they have power. We wanna communicate just as effectively as we can in all situations.
Zach:Alright. So point number 1, communication is key. Let's talk about what your next point is on this motorcycle joy ride of yours, John.
John:I'm gonna call it this, superpower observation. Okay? I'm talking about like spidey sense is tingling kind of thing. This is something that I I man, I can tell you I wasn't prepared for. I wasn't thinking it would happen, as it did.
John:Now when I when I ride I will say this, I do love riding motorcycles. I think that I think that riding motorcycles in this day and age, is very very dangerous because of the distraction level. Right? We have so many that are on their phones even as they're behind the wheel and we have all these enormous screens in our car that that are communicating with us constantly. So, when it comes to riding you really have to be so aware of what's going on.
John:Well, what I discovered was in this scenario, which was brand new to me too. So even though it was Levi's first ride it was my first ride with someone that was just completely dependent on on my leadership.
Zach:Let me ask you this, were you more focused on yourself or on him?
John:Well, that's the thing. There had to be this balance like there really did because when you ride again, you're you're thinking about everything around you. I I have a a mode of doing this whether I'm driving some old car which we drive a lot of old clunkers, that brakes go out, things like that, or on a motorcycle when again it can be a real life or death situation. So again, listener who rides motorcycles who's going to email Zac later, you can agree with me on this. It's it's it's serious.
John:Okay? But so I've kinda got my, like like, boundaries of of how safe I feel whether how close I am to another vehicle. And now, then in my rear view to my right here I've got my son and now I'm aware of his boundaries as well, and I'm also aware of how close he is to me. You see? So I've kinda got all these buffers to be responsible for.
John:Not only am I am I watching the horizon looking left and right, and again the thing about writing is you kind of anticipate the worst possible scenario in all things. So it doesn't mean that you're a total pessimist but you have to think if something happens that the if the worst possible thing that can happen based on all these other drivers out here, I've got to I've gotta be ready to, to act quickly. And so with that, I found myself just kinda having this this awareness like nothing, you know, like I've never really had on a bike before. All because I realized what was at stake here.
Zach:So tell me how that plays into a mentor mentee relationship. So I would put it
John:this way. I think it's really important that we as mentors, we see clearly and we process quickly. Okay? So this is an interesting thing. It's it's it's truly something that I love about our faith because it's something that the Lord tells us that we can ask for him or or ask from him for us, in in all relationships that we have, right?
John:Discernment is so important. The ability to make a decision, but also that ability to see an issue for what it is. Right? It's it's kinda like reading between the lines. When we think about let's just take a a mentor mentee kind of situation when you're having that conversation, you know, during your time at school there or your after school program or what whatever it is.
John:And you're and you you hear what they're saying in terms of how they're answering, how their day's going but you just get a feeling like there's something else going on. And that is is that discernment to say something doesn't quite sound right. Let me let me maybe dig a little deeper or let me maybe ask a question. Let me show my mentee that they can trust me in that situation. And then and then sometimes it kinda takes a little bit of of conversation for them to feel a little more comfortable with maybe sharing that maybe not everything is is perfectly fine, but there is something that they would like to talk about.
Zach:There's so much power in being able to, look past our mentee's words.
John:Mhmm.
Zach:And watching their nonverbals, watching how they carry themselves, watching how they answer, and just be like and that's where the holy spirit can come in. Holy spirit, is there anything that this mentee is struggling with? Is there anything that they're hiding? How can I best love them? How can I best comfort them?
John:Mhmm.
Zach:And I think that that's that's a really important aspect of mentoring is being observant.
John:Yeah.
Zach:Right? And you are the adult and sometimes you can pull things out of your mentee that they might not even be aware of. Mhmm. Just like whenever you are on the motorcycle, you can look out for your son and because he might not be, he might not know what to look for.
John:Exactly right. Yeah. I mean, it is that open the eyes of my heart kinda thing. Right? Please don't start singing right now.
Zach:Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Open the eyes of my heart.
John:Alright. Sorry. So Psalm 119. It says this, teach me good judgment, wise and right discernment and knowledge for I have believed your commandments. I am your servant.
John:Give me discernment. What a what a wonderful thing. It's it's such a wise, it's such a Solomon thing to ask for, you know. Like, what could we really use from the Lord? Man, we can we could use discernment.
John:That ability to see a situation for what it really is and to be able to act quickly, and and say the thing that needs to be said or do the thing that needs to be done.
Zach:And I think in both these, being intentional is huge. Being intentional about communicating, being intentional about observing, like, you are on the lookout and you're gonna use specific words to help this mentee reach their full potential. Yeah. To help them understand what's going on, to help them understand how to grow, to help them understand what the Lord is up to.
John:And it's like you said, preparation is really important with that. So intentionality begins with being prepared. It it means not react not not just kind of reacting to something that happens but instead anticipating. And, you know, again, it's it's the old simple thing of like going to the Lord before your time with your mentee and say, father, just allow me to hear what you want me to hear, say what you want me to say. Yeah.
Zach:It's it can be so hard to get your mind right before you hang out with mentee because you've got so much on your mind, work, family, finances, schedule, all of those things. But there's so much power in just taking a second and just kinda like, okay, Lord. I'm going to clear my mind. Lord, help me focus on my mentee that they're the most important person during this moment.
John:Yeah. Yeah.
Zach:It's a big deal.
John:Yeah. So Romans 12 also says, do not conform yourself to this age that you may discern what is the will of God. So that's an interesting component too that we're not just looking so that we can be observant or so we can have the the supernatural power to to speak wisdom or to to see clearly, but instead it does go back to we we truly want to know what the will of God is for ourselves and for our mentee.
Zach:Alright, John. The last one, you told me earlier learned habits.
John:That's right.
Zach:Tell me more about that,
John:my friend. So here's the thing that that I about halfway through our ride, as we're sitting at a light and, you know, I'm I'm just sitting on the bike in a certain way with my hands in a certain, you know, way. So you obviously you've got your hands on the handlebars and then when you when you sit down sometimes you just kinda wanna rest or move your body a little bit. So I found that I was sitting in a certain style and I I and then I looked over at my son and he was kinda sitting in the same posture. And so I thought interestingly enough, right, like that's a very human thing to do.
John:I don't know if you've ever kind of been in a social situation with someone. Have you ever been standing there maybe talking to someone and it seems like you almost kinda mimic their or they mimic your posture. You ever had that?
Zach:John, my entire life has been based around trying to mimic you. I just wanna be like you.
John:You can't be any shorter than you are. You know this. Right? You can't make yourself shorter. But the beard?
John:Oh, that's right. We haven't really gotten into the facial hair situation.
Zach:It's because I can't grow any.
John:Yet. Yet, my friend.
Zach:Please continue.
John:So this idea of of of learned habits though, you know, whether we were whether we were moving as we're riding or we're sitting at a light, how I'm reacting to to the environment and to other drivers as well. It just it reminded me the importance of not just what I tell my my son before we ride, not just what we talk about, you know, or I'm communicating with him, specifically or even after that debrief, but it's so important that that everything that I'm doing that it is something that I would want to see duplicated in his writing as well. Right? Like keeping his head up, like like, you know, looking and like communicating well, using his blinker, all those kind of things. You know, not even even not getting my phone out like sometimes I I found myself wanting to do like I would in a driving situation, you know, just to because I can because we're gonna be there a while.
John:But really understanding that the habits that I would want him to pick up are the ones that I need to not just talk about, but but obviously model.
Zach:So in other words, they gonna do what you do?
John:Yes. Yes. And the the the bummer is sometimes we're just not aware of those times when because is it fair to say like sometimes we know that we're on right and then other times we just we don't think about it as much? And I do think that it's so important for us to know that that with our mentees, we're always on. They're they are always watching.
Zach:They are always watching. So, a couple weeks ago, I was at a party. I told some of my mentees. I said, hey, you guys stop by and say hi. I didn't think they would and they did.
Zach:And I mean, it's not like I'm like going crazy or anything like that. But how I acted at a party with all my good friends is different than how we act whenever we meet, you know, on a Friday morning. And I had to remind myself, okay, they're watching. They're watching everything I do. They're watching how I respond.
Zach:They're watching how I joke. They're watching what I drink. They are watching everything. And just know as a mentor even if it looks like your mentee is not watching, they are. Mhmm.
Zach:And what you do is going to give them permission to do whatever it is that you're doing.
John:Yep.
Zach:And so we just have to be really really careful about that. For me, especially with, like, sarcasm or making jokes or things like that. Like, I have a son who's 8 and I have found he's pretty sarcastic. And I'm like, dude, where'd that come from? And then I pay attention to myself and how I talk.
Zach:I'm like, oh, that's where it came from. He's just imitating me.
John:Mhmm. Mhmm. So So I would say this as well. It is so important that we watch ourselves, that we are careful to not make a mistake, to not slip up, to not say something we shouldn't have said, or do something we that we shouldn't do. However, to this point, I wanna also say something that's really important about this matter is that there will be times when we make that mistake.
John:And I think that's one of the most important things about this point is that when we do make that mistake that we are good about going to our mentee, whether it's something that we have to apologize for or at least maybe speak into. I think that our mentees learn so much more about us when we, you know, when there is that kind of conflict resolution as opposed to, wow, this guy never makes a mistake because we do. You know what I mean?
Zach:I think sometimes the best learning opportunities can be our failures.
John:Yeah. Exactly right.
Zach:And so, man, that's that's spot on. It's okay to mess up. Yes. Just talk about it.
John:Because it gives them the freedom to realize I can be a human being. Right. And but it also shows such a great way to say, hey, when you do mess up, own it. Mhmm. You know, and work to work to resolve that.
John:I just I think that there's there's so much wisdom there. 1st Corinthians says this, simply put, as Paul says, do as I do for I am doing as Christ did.
Zach:Man, John, you're just dropping some bible knowledge today.
John:I wanna bring the word, dude. Alright?
Zach:The word is important.
John:Listen, ultimately we are always pointing to Christ. Right? In all things that we do and say. So communicate, observe and discern, and emulate Christ. That's right, baby.
John:Do you know something interesting about the word emulate?
Zach:Please tell me.
John:How would you define it? Emulate? Yeah. Emulate Christ if I say that.
Zach:To mimic, to follow, to be like?
John:Exactly right. Something interesting about the word, however, is that not only is it to say follow or or replicate Mhmm. But actually emulate can mean to go beyond as well. Woah. And that's really interesting because we wanna be careful here theologically speaking, Zach.
John:I don't wanna put something in your head that that's that's wrong. However, did Christ not say you'll do even more? You'll do even greater?
Zach:Yeah. That's a crazy statement.
John:Isn't that great? Yeah. I don't. And, you know, you don't feel comfortable with it?
Zach:Or I'm just like, what?
John:Yeah. Alright. That's hard.
Zach:Alright. So John learned some things on his little motorcycle trip with his son. For those of you guys who don't know, John has a daughter who's how old?
John:I have a 20 year old
Zach:and a 12 year old. And and an 18 year old.
John:And right in the middle of there, I've got my 18 year old son. Yes.
Zach:So John is I mean, he's been doing youth ministry for 30 years. Yeah. He's got I mean, this guy's been around the block a couple times.
John:I'm old.
Zach:You guys, if you wanna see John's gray beard, check out the YouTube channel. We have 3 subscribers. You could be number
John:4. Maybe we should put the I I I had someone take a photo of that day with me and Levi Oh,
Zach:that's good.
John:On our on our motorcycles. Maybe we can put that on on the Instagram.
Zach:The old show notes or something.
John:Yeah.
Zach:Alright. That's all we got today, guys. But John's dropping knowledge on the motorcycle metaphor. I think it was good, John. I'm very very happy that you shared it with us today.
John:Oh, good.
Zach:As always, it's just been a joy to be with you.
John:It is fun.
Zach:Alright. Mentor, listener, podcast watcher, all 3 of y'all maybe, and my mom. What's up, mom? If you missed all this stuff, you missed some good stuff, please share this with your team, share it with your volunteers. We want everything that we do to help you become the best mentor possible.
Zach:We wanna see you thrive. So check us out, Instagram, website, all that stuff. And if you missed it all, remember this. You can mentor.
John:That's right. Let's click, like, at the end. We'll click.
Zach:Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can mentor.
John:You can mentor.
Zach:That was us banging our You Can Mentor coffee mugs together. Until next time. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Give us that 5 star rating and share this podcast with your mentoring friends. Learn more at youcanmentor.com.
Zach:Thank you.