The Mind of a Child

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Are you carrying a weight you were never meant to carry alone? If you've ever wondered if you are doing enough, being enough, or getting it all right, this episode is a tender and timely word just for you.

In this conversation, we sit with you in the middle of the mess of motherhood and gently point you back to the only place that can truly lift your head. With Psalm 42 as our guide, we remind you that lament is not weakness, it is the pathway back to hope, and that God has not forgotten you.

Scriptures for this episode:
Psalm 42
Matthew 11:28
Romans 15

Episode Highlights

00:00 The pressures of modern motherhood
04:30 What does it mean to lament?
07:05 Crying out to God (and community)
11:00 Remembering God's past faithfulness
14:30 Christian community is not optional
17:00 Finding your way back to hope
20:45 Closing encouragement

Please send us your questions if you'd like to have them discussed on the podcast: themindofachildpodcast@gmail.com

The Mind of a Child is an early child development podcast that exists to encourage and equip parents to raise their kids to love God and love others. If you're looking for Biblical principles, practical parenting solutions, and science-backed research, our discussions are specifically tailored for you. Our hosts are Leslie Dudley Corbell and Diane Doucet Matthews, who each have a combined 50+ years of experience in the early child parenting space.

Creators and Guests

Host

Diane Doucet Matthews

Wife of Elder, Fellowship Bible Church

Host

Leslie Dudley Corbell

Childhood Services Specialist, Arkansas State

Producer

Daniel Matthews

Rockwell Productions Owner & Operator

What is The Mind of a Child?

The Mind of a Child is produced by Rockwell Productions (www.rockwell-productions.com).

[00:00:00] Leslie Corbell: Hello, I'm Leslie Dudley Corbell. And I'm Diane Doucet Matthews. Welcome to The Mind of a Child

[00:00:14] Leslie Corbell: We're so glad you joined us today. Today Diane and I are going to talk about the pressures of motherhood. We've all experienced it. Mm-hmm. And where do we go when we experience that? Maybe it's pressure from social media, maybe it's pressure, expectations of others, maybe it's expectations we're putting on ourself.

[00:00:30] Leslie Corbell: Mm. So where do we go when we experience those pressures?

[00:00:33] Diane Matthews: Yeah, and we've had many listeners ask us to talk about this. You know, there's pressures that come from so many places. So I'm just gonna read a few things that, uh, you and I talked about. Uh, am I good enough? Am I spending enough time with my children?

[00:00:50] Diane Matthews: Am I falling short? Uh, pressures to do everything well, keeping up with the house. Am I cooking healthy meals? Am I limiting screen [00:01:00] time? Uh, what about managing schedules, um, maintaining friendships and marriage? You know, there's just so much there, and then pressures to make the right decisions about discipline, education, activities, safety, just pressures to just do everything.

[00:01:18] Diane Matthews: And just another way to put it would be, am I perfect? Am I doing everything perfect to meet the family's expectations, to make good decisions at, you know, all the time, and, uh, to make sure that your kids are prepared for, for the future? Just hearing and reading that list just can make me feel heavy and burdened, 'cause I've experienced those things.

[00:01:42] Diane Matthews: You know, there, some of those are, are lies, and we fall prey to those things. Uh, but God's, God's message is a message of freedom, that, um, we don't have to fall prey to those things. He wants to lighten the load for us. He wants to, for us to entrust ourselves and to entrust our [00:02:00] families and our children to Him, and be faithful that way, to train them up, and then He controls their future.

[00:02:07] Diane Matthews: There's real freedom there.

[00:02:09] Leslie Corbell: Well, I wanna talk about where do we go then when we feel these things? 'Cause it is true that sometimes we will feel these things. And so where do we go? We go to the same place women have gone for years- Mm-hmm ... before us. Mm-hmm. To the Lord, to take those pressures and burdens to Him, because as you said, He, He wants us to bring them to Him.

[00:02:28] Leslie Corbell: Yeah. So whether it's anxieties, fears, disappointments, discouragements, hopes, dreams, all of those things to Him, feeling overwhelmed. So one of the thing we're gonna do today is really go through Psalm 42, because it guides us how we talk to God, and the wonderful thing about the Psalms, and the entire Book of Psalms, is the ways that we can speak to God.

[00:02:49] Leslie Corbell: Mm. If there's something you are needing to say to Him, seeking refuge, seeking hope. But today specifically, we're gonna go through Psalm 42 and see what God is teaching us in that. [00:03:00] So I'm gonna read it for us here. As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

[00:03:11] Leslie Corbell: When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul, how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

[00:03:35] Leslie Corbell: Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep [00:04:00] at the roar of your waterfalls. All your breakers and your waves have gone over me.

[00:04:06] Leslie Corbell: By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?"

[00:04:33] Leslie Corbell: Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

[00:04:46] Diane Matthews: It's such a beautiful psalm, and I think to do it justice, we really need to talk about what lament really means, because it's a psalm of lament. Um, and you have some beautiful [00:05:00] sentences that just describe just in terms of what it looks like and what it feels like, but just a de- a definition of lament.

[00:05:11] Diane Matthews: And lament has a purpose. And what I had, we had talked about earlier is it, there's more lament psalms and songs in the Bible than there are praise songs in the Bible. And so God knew that our hearts and our souls would be cast down, that they would be burdened, that they would be pressured, and he's given us an outlet for this.

[00:05:35] Diane Matthews: I mean, think about the whole book of Lamentations. That's what that's full of. Uh, but a, a definition of that is it's a passionate expression of grief and sorrow that leads to a hope and a trust in God. It has a purpose. It's not just to lay it all out there and just, "Ugh, woe is me," and just walk off. No.

[00:05:59] Diane Matthews: It's to [00:06:00] bring us to God, back to a place of hope. So, um So we're gonna talk about, like you said earlier, how it, it walks us through this path to hoping in God, the purpose of lament. So there's some really fun things about- Mm-hmm ... you wanna read those sentences that just describes what lament is?

[00:06:21] Leslie Corbell: Here are some quotes we came on, on the...

[00:06:23] Leslie Corbell: Diane, I think you summed it up so well, but here are some quotes that we found. "Lament minds the gap between current hopelessness and coming hope. It anticipates the new creation, but also acknowledges the painful reality of now." It's a, it's a real thing. Mm-hmm. "It helps us hold on to God's goodness while battling evil at the same time."

[00:06:43] Leslie Corbell: And then there's a quote from a book by Mark Vroegop, I'm not sure how to pronounce his last name, but it's, "To cry is human, but to lament is Christian." Mm. And so, like you said, God, God wants us to lament to Him, to, to turn back to Him.

[00:06:58] Diane Matthews: Yes.

[00:06:58] Leslie Corbell: Put our hope in Him.[00:07:00]

[00:07:05] Leslie Corbell: So let's look at that Psalm. You know, it starts out, one of the first things we wanna do, as we said, was cry out to the Lord. Mm-hmm. He wants to hear us And we can look back at the verses, "I say to God, my rock, why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" So yeah, when we find ourselves there, cry out to him.

[00:07:26] Leslie Corbell: You know, sometimes I think we can, when we are feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, we might feel like we are far from God. Mm. We might feel like he is distant. But it's not that we intentionally we feel distant, but maybe it's social media has kinda pulled us into a trap. I know that that has happened to me before.

[00:07:47] Leslie Corbell: Mm. My head starts spinning with all the things I'm learning and I, I, I end up confused. You know, do I do this or do I do this? One expert's telling me to do that, one expert's telling me to do this. I begin feeling discouraged.

[00:07:58] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:07:59] Leslie Corbell: My [00:08:00] heart can even become downcast. Maybe I don't wanna seek, talk to anybody anymore.

[00:08:05] Diane Matthews: Mm.

[00:08:05] Leslie Corbell: You know? So you can really just turn within. So-

[00:08:09] Diane Matthews: And, yeah, and we've talked about that with, uh, parenting, with all the advice- Mm-hmm ... with sleep and feeding and parenting. I mean, all those things just pull at you. But just think being in the home with preschoolers, how exhausting that can be and lack of sleep.

[00:08:29] Diane Matthews: And I know for me personally, um, lack of sleep does a number on my brain. And so then you're just thinking, you know, it, it, I can just get down just if I don't have my rest and taking care of myself. So uh, one of my favorite prayers crying out was, "Help. Help, Lord." I would get in a situation and, uh, it was really honestly one of my favorite, or favorite prayers, but a, a prayer that I went to very often.

[00:08:58] Diane Matthews: Just, "Lord, help me, [00:09:00] you know, in this situation that I feel overwhelmed. I feel this is chaotic. Give me wisdom. Give me discernment. Show me what to..." You know- Mm-hmm ... just help me with my ki- you know, just in any situation. So help can be a way- Mm-hmm ... to cry out, you know? So.

[00:09:14] Leslie Corbell: Yeah, 'cause he wants to hear, hear from us.

[00:09:16] Diane Matthews: Yeah. I mean, he knows.

[00:09:17] Leslie Corbell: He,

[00:09:17] Diane Matthews: yeah. He knows what we're going through.

[00:09:19] Leslie Corbell: And I don't know, have you ever thought that your cries, your problems were too small, too big, too ugly to take to God? You know, was, are there some things, "Oh, no, I, I oughta be able to handle this. Just, just get, be stronger. Just be stronger and push through it.

[00:09:34] Leslie Corbell: I c- I can handle it."

[00:09:36] Diane Matthews: Um.

[00:09:36] Leslie Corbell: And I think that pulls us- Yeah, I

[00:09:37] Diane Matthews: think people believe that.

[00:09:38] Leslie Corbell: Yes.

[00:09:39] Diane Matthews: You know? And I think I've been taught long enough that that's not true, and I've been in the word long enough to know- Mm ... that he cares about every little bitty thing.

[00:09:47] Leslie Corbell: Yes.

[00:09:47] Diane Matthews: You know? I've been laughed at at the little things that I pray for.

[00:09:51] Leslie Corbell: Oh g- but, and that's good. But, but I know that sometimes people can feel- Mm, yes ... feel those things. Yes. And so again, n- no, you're right. Yeah. Take [00:10:00] those things to him. Yes. Nothing is too small. Nothing is too big. Nothing is too ugly.

[00:10:05] Diane Matthews: That's right.

[00:10:06] Leslie Corbell: Whether it's, you know, sleepless nights, as you mentioned, relationship conflicts, what- whatever you're

[00:10:12] Diane Matthews: experiencing.

[00:10:13] Diane Matthews: Yeah. A sleepless child, and you can't... Or sleepless night because of a child, and then you're tired. You know, I remember I'd wake up and go, "Oh, dear Lord, help, help me get a nap today , you know, help." But yeah, all those things, they're just so- And- ... important ...

[00:10:28] Leslie Corbell: I think it's helpful, too, when you, you know, two things.

[00:10:30] Leslie Corbell: So if you can't find the words to, to speak even at the moment, s- pray, pray, but pray Psalm 42. Pray a psalm of your choosing. Mm-hmm. There are so many in there, as we talked about. How many, how many lamentation, how many laments are in the Book of Psalm?

[00:10:45] Diane Matthews: That's right. So pray one of these. Like you did earlier.

[00:10:49] Diane Matthews: Just read the full psalm, and it will speak. Mm-hmm. And we do know that Jesus lives to intercede for us, so we can say, "Holy Spirit, Jesus, just, you [00:11:00] know what's in my heart. Just-" Yeah ... "thank you for being there to intercede for us." So what's the second one?

[00:11:05] Leslie Corbell: So the second thing we learn from this psalm is that to remember, to remember God's past faithfulness.

[00:11:11] Leslie Corbell: And so these verses, it's verse 6A says, "My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you." And so it's important when we are feeling downcast to remember God's past faithfulness. Remember how He brought you through trials and suffering before, whether it was big things or small things. So maybe it was something like you recall when your child had high fever, and with, 36 hours later was playing and enjoying breakfast again, and the fever was gone.

[00:11:45] Leslie Corbell: Or maybe it was m- you had financial debt, and your family was in a very stressful place for a while. Mm. But the Lord brought you through that. Or when you weren't sure you were gonna be able to find a good educase- education setting for your child, and you were [00:12:00] interviewing people, and talking to people, and visiting schools, and you found something.

[00:12:04] Leslie Corbell: So the remembering the Lord's past faithfulness is also a good way to steady your soul.

[00:12:10] Diane Matthews: Remembering is such an encouragement to w- to me. Uh, and even when you were reading the Psalm, uh, I was surprised to hear how many times remember came up. But do you know that in the whole Bible, the word or remembrance or some form of the word remember is mentioned over 250 times?

[00:12:32] Diane Matthews: So we know it's very important to the Lord. So He wants us to remember His faithfulness. He wants us to remember His character. He wants us to remember. So different ways to remember Him is very, very important. Uh, but when I was reading about this, even for this episode, uh, one author brought out this point, and I thought this was important.

[00:12:57] Diane Matthews: Hebrews 8:12 says, you know, "All the [00:13:00] remembering that the Lord wants us to remember, remember, remember," he does say, uh, God does say, "But He will not remember our sins anymore." So all this remembering, and yet He, you know, as far as the east is from the west, He removes his sins from, from His memory. So I thought that's, that's something to praise God about.

[00:13:23] Diane Matthews: But just remembering is so important.

[00:13:25] Leslie Corbell: Remember answered prayers. Mm. So has there been something you've s- prayed for, for yourself, for others, that you have seen come to pass? And just to recall those things to You know, He... I think what's wonderful, this is not a list of things. It's not our doing these things that carries us through.

[00:13:46] Leslie Corbell: No.

[00:13:46] Diane Matthews: Mm-mm, mm-mm.

[00:13:47] Leslie Corbell: But He lifts our head. I mean, we're talking about being downcast. Oh, my soul.

[00:13:53] Diane Matthews: Yes.

[00:13:54] Leslie Corbell: But when we are doing these things, the Lord is lifting our heads.

[00:13:58] Diane Matthews: And I love that [00:14:00] picture of just that one verse is together, 'cause the verse that we read, it says, you know, we- we're downcast. My soul is, is cast down within me.

[00:14:09] Diane Matthews: And then in Psalm 3:3 it says, "He lifts our heads, but you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head." Mm-hmm. So only He can do that. Mm-hmm. And when we're, when we come to Him to lament with that purpose of Him, you know, uh, coming to Him to get hope again, He'll lift our heads. Yeah.

[00:14:33] Leslie Corbell: And so the third thing, I, I think it's a beautiful reminder to us in verse 4 where it says, "These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I would go through the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival."

[00:14:51] Leslie Corbell: I think it's, reminds us, you know, sometimes when we are feeling the overburdened, overwhelmed pressures of things, we want to isolate. Mm-hmm. [00:15:00] And so here you see the psalmist writing about that's exactly what is, he's doing. Yeah. He, he's remembering when he would go and worship with the others and lead the others, but he's not doing that now.

[00:15:12] Diane Matthews: Right. He's, yeah.

[00:15:13] Leslie Corbell: And so I think that's something to think about, too. Are we isolating ourself because of our overwhelm or our discouragement? We, we want to lean into God. Yes. Our, our suffering and trials are actually pulling us back to Him, but we sometimes fall away from Him in that time.

[00:15:29] Diane Matthews: And that's my tendency.

[00:15:31] Diane Matthews: When I start feeling yucky inside and just kinda ugh, I'm just in despair or discouraged- Mm-hmm ... or depressed, it's like, oh, pull away, I don't wanna be around anybody. But that's the worst thing for us to do. Mm-hmm. You know? And hopefully we're in a group of people, community of Christians that will say, "Uh-uh, uh-uh, you're not doing that.

[00:15:52] Diane Matthews: Come on, come on. You gotta get out there." That's such a good reminder to have friends that you feel [00:16:00] safe with that will encourage you to, uh, they see that you're isolating, you're pulling away, and they'll go, "Mm, no, no."

[00:16:09] Leslie Corbell: Yeah. They, they check on you. Yeah.

[00:16:11] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:16:11] Leslie Corbell: And, "Hey," you know, "What, what's going..." And they seek out, they seek you.

[00:16:15] Leslie Corbell: I mean, God seeks us. Yeah. He's not, He's not wanting us to be... Yeah. He's crying out, "Where are you?" Yeah. To Adam and Eve in the Garden. I mean, He's, He's seeking us, too. So yeah, we as Christian and Christian community can seek out those that maybe- Have disappeared.

[00:16:32] Diane Matthews: Yeah, we need to be accountable Or say

[00:16:33] Leslie Corbell: downcast.

[00:16:33] Diane Matthews: Yeah Or, yeah, both ways. We need to be accountable, and we need to check on people- Mm-hmm ... for sure too. That's great.

[00:16:39] Leslie Corbell: I think one thing that, um, h- is helpful to me when I am feeling discouraged, downcast, whether it's... You know, 'cause typically the Holy Spirit enables me to be pretty energetic. Mm-hmm. And, um, and, and positive and d- joyful, rejoicing in just the d- the every moment of life.

[00:16:58] Leslie Corbell: I really like... [00:17:00] I really find myself there a lot. But sometimes I can be discouraged and downcast. Mm-hmm.

[00:17:06] Diane Matthews: Well, we all

[00:17:06] Leslie Corbell: can. And I, and I may not... There have been times when I haven't had the words to express that downcast. I c- I can't even put my finger on it. Mm. I just feel this weight of oppression. And so one thing that has, um, been helpful to me is playing very doctrinally sound, biblically sound praise and worship music- Mm-hmm

[00:17:28] Leslie Corbell: that comes from the scriptures or is reflecting back to the scriptures, and just letting that wash over me and remind me of God's truths.

[00:17:37] Diane Matthews: That's so great. Yeah.

[00:17:38] Leslie Corbell: And so, so that's something you can do. Find that music to, to, to turn you back to Him.

[00:17:46] Diane Matthews: Yeah, music.

[00:17:47] Leslie Corbell: W- and, and so essentially- Yeah ... what you're doing is you're worshiping God.

[00:17:50] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:17:50] Leslie Corbell: In that moment, in the, in the music, you are worshiping God-

[00:17:53] Diane Matthews: Yeah ...

[00:17:54] Leslie Corbell: and He is restoring you.

[00:17:55] Diane Matthews: Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. Mm. [00:18:00] And, um, you know, the, the psalmist, what we read was he's pulled away and he's not with the, the group going to worship. But, um, to engage again and encourage others like we talked about, uh, but when you engage, be a good listener, um, and have somebody to listen to you.

[00:18:22] Diane Matthews: Uh, and don't fall into that very easy trap of complaining because it says in Philippians 2:14, "Do everything without complaining." You don't wanna have a complaining, uh, what would you call it, just match, so to speak, 'cause that can bring you down too. It's, it's that, that, uh, fellowship isn't for complaining.

[00:18:44] Diane Matthews: It's for, um, sharing and praying for one another and encouragement, encouraging one another.

[00:18:51] Leslie Corbell: Yeah. I'm, I'm glad you said that 'cause you're right. And it's, it's also, we also wanna be mindful of are we just agreeing with someone and being, [00:19:00] putting a yes stamp on it- Mm ... or, or are we hearing them and listening to their very real perspective at the moment, and then pointing them back to God and pointing them back to truth.

[00:19:12] Diane Matthews: Truth. Amen. Amen. You know, and one other thing, you know, God in His Word says, uh, and we've s- we've said this very, y- you know, clearly throughout this whole episode, but just the Christian community is so, so, so important. It's necessary for spiritual growth. So if you're not in a, a church, a Bible teaching church, you know, seek one out and plug in.

[00:19:37] Diane Matthews: Uh, get in a small group, and e- especially with motherhood pressure and parenting pressures, get a small group that, uh, is parenting-based. And if there's not one at church, um, start one. I mean, y- you know, get out there and get going and get one going. Uh, talk to a pastor, and they... I'm [00:20:00] sure one of the pastors at the church can, uh, provide a book for y'all to study on parenting.

[00:20:05] Diane Matthews: And if not, email us and we'll, we'll provide something for you. Or get in a mom or dad's prayer group. Same thing. If there's not one, start one to pray for your children and pray for one another. Hebrews 3:13, "Encourage one another daily, lest you become, uh, hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." I mean, it is so easy to just slip into the hardnesses of this world and just, it, it's, it's just easy.

[00:20:36] Diane Matthews: So we're called to encourage one another. So that's what the, the community of believers is there for, you know, to encourage and pray for one another. So

[00:20:47] Leslie Corbell: So going back, Diane, to our original question, where do we go when we are feeling the pressure of the modern age, when we are thirsty for fulfillment?

[00:20:57] Diane Matthews: Mm.

[00:20:58] Leslie Corbell: Do we go to social media?

[00:20:59] Diane Matthews: Mm. [00:21:00]

[00:21:00] Leslie Corbell: To experts on the internet? No, we can go to the living water. Just as God promised, He sent His Son, Jesus, to be our living water. And we thirst for Him just as it describes in this Psalm, "Like a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God."

[00:21:19] Leslie Corbell: You know, sometimes then I c- I think I have seen myself put my hope in other things- Mm ... whether it was something that I could do, something that I could be good enough, if I would did this perfectly enough. And I, and, and that's the oppressive weight that we start feeling. Mm-hmm. And so realizing that no, no- Yeah, yeah.

[00:21:38] Leslie Corbell: we are not the ones that can do it. So this Psalm reminds us to put our hope in God.

[00:21:49] Leslie Corbell: So what is hope? It's a confident expectation in God's promises, and that comes from Romans 15:4. And so God, that points us back to His [00:22:00] faithfulness and how He keeps His promises. So Jesus filled that promise of hope for us. We know that is true. So if you are feeling weary or overwhelmed by the pressures of motherhood, whether it's coming from social media worries and anxieties, your own expectations or others' expectations, let God lift your head and fill your thirst.

[00:22:22] Diane Matthews: Let's pray. Thank you so much, Leslie. Um, thank you, Lord, for this time that we've had to just, um, think through Psalm 42 and just Your truth. Uh, Lord, You know how pressure and stress of motherhood, parenting, and life can just leave us tired and sometimes hopeless. Uh, forgive us for not trusting You. We cry out to You for help to hope in You again.

[00:22:51] Diane Matthews: You are our only real, true hope. Restore us, renew us, and recreate our hearts and [00:23:00] souls. Give us ... Give hope to anyone listening today that is feeling, uh, this deep burden and, um, maybe is isolating themselves. Direct them back to You, Lord. Teach us how to lament with the purpose of, uh, regaining that hope.

[00:23:18] Diane Matthews: We pray all this in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, our Savior. Amen.

[00:23:26] Leslie Corbell: Thanks for listening. Check out our Instagram at themindofachildpod, or you can email us at themindofachildpodcast@gmail.com

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