Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
What comes to mind when you think about your father? Is it joy, pain, or indifference? Whatever it is, it can reveal deeper wounds that still affect you today. In this journey of healing, Zach Garza invites you to explore topics like generational sin, emotional scars, and the transformative power of forgiveness through the lens of his own story of growing up without a father in the home. By confronting the past, you'll discover how to break free, embrace your true identity, and experience the unconditional love of God.
Chapter five. Thinking beyond solo. English poet and preacher John Donne famously said, no man is an island. We might all nod in agreement when reading that, but what happens when we try to be that proverbial island? What's the result of isolation and missing pieces in the family unit?
Speaker 1:Let's explore that in this chapter. The truth is, we were made for relationships. Every single one of us, without exception, has a requirement for relationships built into our code. Most Christians understand that we were made to be connected to God on a vertical plane. However, a small number of people realize that we were also made to be connected with each other on a horizontal plane.
Speaker 1:It's not idolatrous to say that we need each other. It has been that way since the beginning of time. In the garden, God provided everything that we needed. He gave us mornings so that we could work and evenings so that we could rest. He gave us land to cultivate and the seas to explore.
Speaker 1:He gave us vegetation and fruit, crops and trees that would feed us for days and days. He gave us animals of all shapes and sizes to join us on the earth. He gave us the seasons, the sun, the moon and the stars. Lastly, He gave man dominion over it all. When it was all done, He sat back and said, it is good.
Speaker 1:In fact, He looked at man and said, it is very good. To our surprise, God makes a U-turn a few verses later. He looks at man who has every material thing he could ever want, food, shelter, a place to call his own, and he assesses it is not good for man to be alone. Until this moment, everything had been good, good, good, and very good. Now, though, before sin had entered the human race, God sees an issue, loneliness.
Speaker 1:It was not the shallow loneliness of lacking a friend, but in a loneliness that prevented him from sufficiently imaging the triune God and fulfilling his mandate to be fruitful and multiply. So what does God do? He creates someone for Adam, namely his wife, Eve. In other words, He installs a relationship in Adam's life. God is saying, although I have provided for your every need, you still need another human.
Speaker 1:You need someone to live life with. It's not good to be alone. And that was the perfect life. Wholeness had finally arrived. God had created the inaugural family unit.
Speaker 1:Adam had Eve and Eve had Adam. There existed a relationship with each other and a relationship with God. God was near, ever present, and evil was nowhere to be found in the world. There was just one happy, peaceful family. Even in the Garden of Eden, where no sin was and all was perfect, a need for a network still existed.
Speaker 1:It's clear that God's plan from the start was family. From the text we see that family existed before the church. Family existed before governments. Family existed before markets and social clubs. Why?
Speaker 1:Because without family as the societal foundation, all of the other derivatives and offshoots will collapse. This is exactly why God's desire from the start was familial connections. In Genesis 12, God promised Abraham that all the nations of the world would be blessed through Him. It was later that God expanded the promise to use Israel as a nation, but the original unit of blessing was, and is, families. You were made for relationships.
Speaker 1:Yes, even the introvert, Even you, the one who claims to not be a pupil person. Even you, the lone wolf. Our need for one another is inescapable. It doesn't matter what color skin you have or where you live. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, whether you're a white collar or blue collar.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter if you are Republican or a Democrat, if you are rich or poor. You were made for relationships, And God knows this, which is why he has a plan to ensure that everyone is set up to be in relationship. He's not entering into this game without a plan, and that plan is called family. When you were born, you automatically had two people who you were in relationship with. The Lord creates this bond between mom and dad.
Speaker 1:They fall in love, and the product of their love is you, a baby for them to care for and to call their own. That's how it's supposed to be. God placed biological families here on Earth to be a little taste of what his family in heaven is like. The enemy knows this. He hates it and is bent on destroying it.
Speaker 1:God's plan was family. Satan's plan is to destroy the family. He often starts with the father because he knows that if he can take out the father, the rest will soon crumble. The enemy wants no part of relationship and, in particular, against family. This is exactly why these close relationships can be so difficult at times.
Speaker 1:We have to understand that the enemy has come to steal your peace, kill you in your relationships, and destroy anything in this life that brings you god given joy. In his goal of burning relationships, he starts by lighting fires within the family. It's exactly what he did in the Garden of Eden, and that is what he's doing now. If you've ever had conflict with your parents, siblings, friends, kids, or spouse, you know this to be true. Being in relationship can be difficult, and Satan wants to exploit that fact.
Speaker 1:The enemy knows that if he can destroy your family, then he can shake the foundation of your very being. That's why family issues are at the root of so many problems. Remember that island we talked about at the chapter start? Satan would love to separate and surround you, leaving you to feel cut off from the rest of the pack. This can be self imposed as adults or can be placed on us as children.
Speaker 1:The results are devastating. Eighty five percent of youth in prison are fatherless. Seventy one percent of high school dropouts are fatherless. Twenty five percent of young adults exiting foster care are experiencing homelessness. Substance abuse, violence, and broken families wreak havoc on the souls of human beings.
Speaker 1:Consistent family conflict, divorce, and isolation are just some of the ways the enemy gets his claws into us. God created our families to be a safe, peaceful place where we feel loved and accepted no matter what. It's no wonder things go sideways when so many of us experience the opposite of that. If he can wound you at a young age, he doesn't have to worry about hurting you as an adult. The damage has already been done.
Speaker 1:If your father was absent or unloving, it is hard to get the attention you need to let you know that you're loved. If there was consistent yelling, shouting, and chaos, living a life of security and peace could be a foreign concept to you. If no one told you that they loved you, how could you believe that you're worthy of love? Life is hard, and unfortunate things happen to all of us. I think we all can agree on that.
Speaker 1:But at least if you have a healthy family, you have something of a home base to come back to when the storms of life hit. At least you have a team that will accept and love you no matter what. If you come from a dysfunctional family, however, you will likely be left feeling like you have nowhere to go for shelter, healing, and advice. You were never meant to play this game of life alone, but that could be exactly how you feel, alone. No wonder life has seemed so difficult.
Speaker 1:Some of us still have wounds from our childhood. Unless you have been intentional about healing them, they are still open and keeping you from being healthy. In many cases, we have yet to find healing from the hurts we experienced so long ago. Those wounds have been open for long enough. It's time to take a journey to experience the healing of the father.
Speaker 1:Before any of that can happen, we have to come into agreement within our design. When you've been hurt by so many people for so long, it's easy to become calloused and to forgo relationships altogether. It's a defense mechanism, a shield against being hurt, and I cannot blame you for putting it up. However, design is design. You cannot put diesel fuel in a gas engine and expect it to run well.
Speaker 1:You cannot place a man on an island by himself and expect him to run well. This defense mechanism is actually just a prison we place ourselves in. Thinking we are protecting ourselves, we are only destroying ourselves. This prison cuts off from the resources and riches of connections with people and causes us to miss out on the joys of doing life together. Relationship is not just some complicated mess that works for some but not for others.
Speaker 1:It is the very system that God wants us to join and flourish within. Relationships are not just a good idea, but a God idea. Without that understanding, you might not have the necessary buy in to actually roll up your sleeves and try relationship again after being burned. Grasping these things will bring you one step closer to mending your heart and living in the optimal design of God. Tell me, how do you feel about the word family?
Speaker 1:What is your first reaction or initial feeling? What was your childhood like? Are there any specific ways that it may have led you to self reliance or a solo mentality? Relationships once were very hard for me. I was inauthentic, would never share my feelings, and held grudges.
Speaker 1:Evaluate your relationships. Are they difficult for you? Are there any aspects of relationships that are hard for you or that you typically avoid? What are some areas of growth you may have regarding building healthy relationships?