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Join me, Jess VanderWier, a registered psychotherapist, mom of three, and founder of Nurtured First, along with my husband Scott, as we dive deep into the stories of our friends, favourite celebrities, and influential figures.
In each episode, we skip the small talk and dive into vulnerable and honest conversations about topics like cycle breaking, trauma, race, mental health, parenting, sex, religion, postpartum, healing, and loss.
We are glad you are here.
PS: The name Robot Unicorn comes from our daughter. When we asked her what we should name the podcast, she confidently came up with this name because she loves robots, and she loves unicorns, so why not? There was something about the playfulness of the name, the confidence in her voice, and the fact that it represents that you can love two things at once that just felt right.
Welcome back.
We're finally here.
The third part of our trilogy.
Apparently this is Jess's favorite portion of this three-part series, so maybe Jess, you can explain and really
tease why you like this episode so much.
Yeah, I mean I liked every part of this series.
I liked how we broke it up, but this specific episode is very practical.
It's really about like now you know you have a sensitive kid.
You know about rejection sensitivity.
That's what we covered in the last episode.
You know why the answer isn't just to toughen them up, but it is to work within their sensitivity
And if you haven't already listened to her previous two episodes on sensitivity, I highly recommend you go ahead and listen to those first.
But this is the one where you're gonna get just the practical pieces of how do you actually help
raise a sensitive kid and how do you help them to be resilient and not let their sensitivity be a bad thing, but be the gift that
continues to help them throughout their life.
And I just thought this episode would be so helpful for any parent of a sensitive kid.
And if I remember correctly, did we talk about
Some of the reasons why sensitivity can be a superpower?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's what we talk about.
Like all the way sensitivity's a gift.
And I I just think a parent who is highly sensitive or who is raising a sensitive kid is just gonna feel really hopeful and excited when they finish this episode.
Nice.
Well, please enjoy.
Welcome to Robot Unicorn, hosted by my parents, Jess and Scott.
I hope you enjoyed the episode
The research highlights the importance of effortful control, which is a child's ability to manage their impulses, which is a key part of self-regulation
Beyond just managing meltdowns, what are some practical, maybe even playful ways parents can help build this self-regulation muscle at home?
And I read that games like Simon Says or Freeze Dance can actually help with this.
Which I know we've talked about in other episodes too, but I thought it'd be good to speak about in this one.
Yeah, I highly recommend all people to go to our impulse control episode if they want
a whole thing on impulse control.
I've heard from so many people, they've listened to that episode like seven times.
Impulse control, what we know about it is our little children are not born with impulse control.
It develops over time and practice, you know, controlling impulses.
So the biggest thing we need to know is that our sensitive kids will develop impulse control over time with practice, but we typically don't see that starting to really come into play until 5 to 7.
And for the really sensitive ones, seven to nine.
So again, part of it is just time.
Right.
And so I don't like I didn't want to get into strategies like
play Simon says or play Time's at Mr.
Wolf without also reminding parents that they need time for their kids' brain to mature and like playing these games can aid.
But it's not gonna be the solution.
It's not gonna be like you start with let's say our three year old doing Simon says in freeze dance and all of a sudden she can just listen and
Yeah, two times.
Oh yeah.
Is able to control her impulses or manage her impulses all of a sudden.
That's not how that works.
Like, well I tried it, it didn't work.
Like, yeah, of course it's not gonna work.
Like this is just an aid.
It's just a tool.
It will help build that muscle and it will help
maybe speed it along a little bit, but it's still based on their a child's developing brain.
The thing I've been obsessed with lately and
Possibly this answers your question, possibly not, is and I I mean I think I've been obsessed with this for years because a lot of our nurtured first branding has to do with this idea of being the gardener
for our children, right?
And just like all of nature, you know, like a plant, when the conditions are right, right, you have the right soil, the right amount of sunlight, kind of the right environment for the plant to grow
the plant will naturally just grow, right?
Th into the plant that it's supposed to be, the way it's supposed to be.
And I think the same is ki' true for our kids.
It's true for impulse control.
When we can create environments in which our children can do well
And sometimes part of that environment might be things like, hey, we're gonna practice by doing Simon says sometimes, right?
Like part of that is the play, the the time that we spend with our kids.
they will naturally grow into impulse control, into maturity.
Their brains will develop.
So our job is actually much less about just like teach your child these five skills or practice this impulse control
game with them 10 times a day and all of a sudden they'll have it.
It's more about being that gardener, creating the right environment so that your child can flourish and grow into who they were meant to be naturally.
And so to your point about teaching impulse control for our sensitive kids, I think the best thing that we can do is
First off, be their impulse control in those earlier years, right?
Set the stage up where your child's not going to be able to control their impulses around certain things.
We're going to have to help
them do that, you know, not putting them in situations where you let's say you have the whole bowl of candy on the table, of course they're gonna try and take every single one, right?
So we have to help them and guide them to the point where they can do it on their own, which is when their brain's maturing.
That's actually a great segue into my next question.
So I've
saw another concept from development of psychology called scaffolding, which is providing just enough support without taking over.
Yes.
Let's say our five-year-old is intensely frustrated trying to build a complex Lego set and is about to give up yelling, I can't do it.
What does scaffolding look like there versus just doing it for them or telling them it's okay to quit?
Yeah, so scaffolding, this is very behavioral, a lot of the stuff I used to do.
Basically we want to give
uh as little support as kind of our child needs in order to get the job done.
But when we're first doing it, it could be as much as like
We're gonna finish this Lego house.
Here, why don't I help you?
Let's look together for all the right pieces and then literally, oh, we found the right piece in your top.
I can't do it.
Like, let me help you.
And like you can take their hand together, let's do it together.
And you take their hand and it's literally like hand over hand we're doing it together.
to like build the Lego house the first time, right?
And then slowly, I like to call this for our s our shy children like the step back.
Like we're slowly stepping back, stepping back, stepping back until they can do it on their own.
I think about that
let's say a a shy child at the playground.
I used to have to do this with their sensitive child because the first few times like we would go to the playground, she wouldn't feel comfortable to go play.
Right.
So the first few times it's like I'm literally getting on the playground with her.
Like, okay, come on.
I feel like I still do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I do.
But I would literally get on the structure with her, like, hey look, see it's not scary.
Let's get up here together.
Let's go down the slide.
Let's let's go on the monkey bars, whatever.
And then the next time, maybe I'm not on the playground structure the whole time.
Maybe I'm on half.
And then the next time maybe I just walk her to the start of the playground.
And then the next time she just goes on all by herself because she knows she can do it.
That's the scaffolding, right?
It's like you're starting with more intervention and it's the step back, step back, step back, showing them that they're capable until they do it on their own.
What's the benefit?
The benefit is if you just say to a sensitive child, go on the playground, it's fun.
We're not seeing what's going on in their brain, right?
So in their brain, the playground's terrifying.
They don't know what it's like.
They don't know how they're gonna feel when they're on it.
It could be scary.
There's other kids around.
Like there's nothing about the playground in their brain that has said, we've done this, we can do it, it's safe, I can handle it.
Right.
And so the benefit of scaffolding is you're actually showing your child the things that they're capable of doing, but they're right alongside you.
So that's the secure base that we talked about before, right?
Where it's like
This is hard.
I've never done it before.
It's scary.
And because I have this relationship, always back to relationship, with my parent, I feel capable doing it.
Because they've shown me that it's okay and we've done it together.
And so you're using your role as the leader, as the secure base to kind of let your child launch off of you, but then they also always know that they can come back.
Right
I was looking at pictures the other day from our Florida trip, which was like a million years ago.
Steve and I went to Florida.
Oh from two of us.
Yeah
And we we went to a rocket launch.
And I remember just being blown away, I didn't realize that well first off the rockets always have a place that they land when they come back.
Wow.
Right?
So to clarify, we watched the SpaceX launch like eight or nine years ago at this point.
So yes, they do, but a lot of other ones don't.
They just end up either
Burned up in the atmosphere or in the ocean or whatever, but the one that we watched, right?
And how we we s we saw it come back.
Yeah it was a Falcon nine.
It was a Falcon nine.
We saw it go up and we saw it go back.
And I was thinking about how that's good beautiful metaphor for
uh parenting, like that specific launch that we watched, because eventually what we want to do is like our child goes up, like they go do things on their own.
But they know that we're still there waiting for them.
And so whenever they're ready to come back, we're right there.
You're always finding a met Okay.
That's how my brain works.
I'm always finding a metaphor in everything.
Even not a rocket launch.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I just like I was just really thinking about it and I'm like, there is something beautiful about that idea of Can anyone sense the
the eye roll that is happening right now.
Well, I'm obsessed.
I'm sure you are.
I'm sure people will see that in a post somehow in the next few weeks.
But what a great metaphor.
I mean at least you're using
Rockets now.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Makes it fun.
Should be, yeah.
Exactly.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, school is often a sensory and social overload for
Sensitive children.
What are one or two key accommodations you think that parents can realistically ask a teacher for that could make a huge difference for a sensitive child in a cla a busy classroom?
It's tough because I feel for teachers because they're trying to make accommodations for like thirty students sometimes.
Yeah, right.
I mean it's yeah, it definitely is challenging when you have so many kids in your class and
So much time in the day and I think what teachers can just do, like just consider that you probably have a lot of sensitive kids in your class because just the likelihood that you're going to is
Quite high.
I might have to fact check this, but I was reading through the research and I thought it was something like twenty twenty-five percent.
Something like that.
That's the number I had in my head too.
Around twenty-five percent.
So if you think about that, the likelihood that you're gonna have multiple sensitive kids in your class is quite high, right?
So what I would think about if I was a teacher, and I think a lot of teachers do an excellent job of this, is like building in those breaks in your day
Right?
Like think about the Drop Everything and Read program that a lot of schools have where they have this like quiet reading time after lunch where like they put the lights out, kids read their books at their desk, there's no music on
I think things like that can be really helpful for the sensitive kids, being mindful of if we're doing this really loud, overstimulating activity.
how do we come down from that after?
Right?
Like I think a lot of kids really struggle when they get to school because a lot of schools will have like you can play outside for 10 minutes kind of as the buses come in
And then the kids like get so riled up.
They play outside for 10 minutes with all their friends.
Like they get to see them.
Yeah, like I'm seeing my friends.
We're playing.
And it's only 10 minutes.
And then boom, you have to come and sit at a desk.
Well, their body's not ready to sit at a desk after ten minutes of playing hard, right?
So is there a transition activity that you can do, especially if you have like a SKJK class, to kind of get them from silly to
You probably have to base it on age and everything.
Yeah, you have to base it on age.
But I think it's it's the way that you build your class with the sensory breaks in there.
Maybe even some nice things for sensitive kids.
Like sensitive kids often
Like we're talking about have a deeper appreciation for music, for smells, like maybe there can be some like sensory stations throughout the class where it's like
Sometimes maybe if they have like a good deep smell of like a peppermint essential oil or something like that, that can help to reset.
Do you do that in a classroom?
Uh some classes do.
I don't know.
I don't I can't speak to all classrooms everywhere, right?
But yeah, a lot of a lot of schools are
doing better uh having some sensory integration at school.
But you know, it's hard when you have 20 to 30 kids in the class with different needs.
So
But I would say to the parents of like what can be really helpful is identify what works well for them at home and communicate that to their teacher
Because often teachers don't know what's working well at home.
And so even with my clients, we'll create a one pager on like, hey, this is a child with ADHD or sensitivity.
This is what works really well for him at home.
No pressure, but see what you can use at school.
Maybe try and make sure you remember to give the teachers some grace too.
Yeah.
I know.
I'm always trying to tell grace.
Being a teacher is tough.
I've seen quite a bit of debate online about validating feelings.
So some approaches say you should always validate.
But one article I read suggested that constantly focusing on feelings can sometimes escalate a child's dysregulation.
Where do you stand on this?
Is there a
point where validating emotions can become unhelpful and what should a parent do instead?
I mean we've said this a million times but it goes back to like what do you do
How are you validating?
Like what's the definition here?
When I tell parents or coach parents to validate or acknowledge, I like to say acknowledging your child's emotions more so, like, hey, I see that you're really frustrated right now.
I hear you.
That's enough.
Right?
Your child needs to know that you hear them and you get it.
And not necessarily that you agree, but like if I think if I'm upset about something and and I'm trying to tell you and you're just like, yeah, but blah blah blah blah.
I'm just gonna probably get more upset because I'm like Scott, hello
Hear what I'm saying, even if you don't agree, right?
I need you to first say, I hear you, I get what you're saying, and blah blah blah
So it's the same for our kids.
I think where we can get in the spiral of that's not helpful, especially for sensitive kids, is validating to the point of like, this is real.
Right.
I think about the Daniel Tiger and the scary, like the scary part, right?
Oh you're so scared.
Like you're so scared of this part.
I hear you, you're so scared.
Let's turn it off.
Let's turn it off.
I don't want you to be scared.
Yeah.
Like that's different than I hear you're scared.
Sometimes when you see people who have
big emotions on TV, it can make you feel an emotion yourself.
And this isn't you.
This isn't a real situation.
You don't know this person.
And I know that we can watch this and we'll see what Daniel Tiger does and be okay
Right.
And then we we move through it.
So I think when validating becomes to the point where we don't challenge or we don't show our child that they're actually okay, that's where I see that becoming a problem.
Okay.
I thought that was an interesting question because I think it's an important question, actually.
Yeah.
You do see it.
We don't stop with validation.
That I think is maybe the key.
We don't stop there.
Well and I don't know that
Let's say the parenting influencers that I would see saying some of these things, it's not like they're saying, that's where you stop.
But it's almost this
I don't know, overemphasis on your validating feelings and you're like you almost have that very condescending voice to your child.
Well and how do you want your child to talk to themselves, right?
I think what we want to think about when we're validating our child's feelings, like what do we eventually want them to say to themselves?
And I know for our sensitive daughter and all of our children
I've never wanted her to be like, I'm sensitive.
I take things very deeply and seriously.
Therefore, I can't do certain things.
Or therefore I should just bow out of this thing.
It's more like, okay
That's something to understand about myself and my brain and the way it works.
And I can still do things.
I just need to understand this piece, right?
Like for me, even understanding my own sensitivity.
was mind-blowing because it's like, oh Jess, not every criticism or everything that you hear is actually a criticism, first off.
And second off, it doesn't mean people hate you and think that you're the worst person in the world and like don't want to be around you
Maybe they're just making a comment in passing and they've never thought twice about it.
So understanding that my first point of receiving criticism or receiving a comment from someone, even a nice one, is going to be
you did something wrong, whatever.
And then being able to be like, oh, that's your sensitivity speaking.
I'm glad you're sensitive.
I'm glad you take comments seriously, but you don't have to take them all personally.
And being able to identify that about myself has helped me not harden
but also understand that I'm just gonna perceive things a certain way and I don't always have to.
So I don't know.
I feel like I want our children to not just
get stuck in in these loops of just validating their own feelings and then being like, so therefore I can't do anything.
Right.
Or therefore I deserve this thing or or because I'm sensitive, then blah blah blah blah blah like
I want them to I do like we're I was talking about with Scoot um I do I do want them to have resilience and grit as well.
Yeah.
But not in the way that dismisses their sensitivity, right?
Okay?
Okay.
I'm not gonna get back into the mind of Yeah, yeah, no, we won't get back into him.
Hey friends, so at pickup last week our daughter asked Scott a truly kind of tricky question in front of her younger siblings.
Scott was telling me that when he heard a question like this, he used to panic, but this time he had a plan.
And he said to our daughter, thank you for asking.
Let's talk tonight when we've got privacy.
And that's a line that he learned straight from our new body safety and consent course at Nurtur.
So this new body safety and consent course is taught by me.
So Jess, if you listen to this podcast, you know me.
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There's guidance inside this course for the real life stuff like tickling that goes too far and even the difference between a secret and a surprise.
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So check the course out at nurturefirst.
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And just full disclosure here, we are the creators of this course and we're so proud of it.
Alright, so after hearing all this
And I think we have enough here that it's probably gonna be three episodes.
So after hearing these past two or three episodes.
Yeah, so someone's still with us, episode three.
Uh parents might feel a mix of relief, I'm not crazy, but also some fear, especially hearing that orchid children are more vulnerable to negative environments.
What is the single I knew it most important what is the single most important
hopeful takeaway from all this research that you want parents of sensitive kids to hold on to.
Want them to hold on to this idea that their sensitive child isn't broken.
They didn't create their child to be this way
and with the right amount of warmth and structure, your sensitive child can do extremely well.
And their sensitivity
will become, it sounds tacky, but it will become a superpower.
Like I really believe my ability to understand someone's emotions to get into the mind of a child
is what has allowed me to do so well as a therapist and to like really be able to help these kids I'm working with.
I think if I couldn't get into their mind and like see things from their perspective so deeply
I'd be a different clinician.
I'd be a different person.
And I think the tools I've had to learn is to like not take every comment personally.
You take it serious, but not personal.
and to also work within my sensitivity, like knowing, okay, Jess, like it is important you get enough sleep, it is important you exercise, it is important that you don't schedule six nights of the week where you're busy.
Like it's too much for you
It's important you have downtime where no one's talking to you.
Like I need to understand my sensitivity so I can work with it.
And then it can actually be something that makes me so unique and special.
And I think the same with you.
And so that's the one thing I want parents to take away is like
Like, don't worry that your kid won't be able to handle the world.
They can.
They just need your support and coaching to help them through it.
Yeah, and you don't have to be perfect.
No.
The research definitely was not suggesting that, but what it did suggest
is yes, there can be a major superpower under the right circumstances and environment for children who is a little more sensitive to flourish.
Be amaz like
I was just All children can be amazing and can grow up into but there's something special about I think our best like I was just in Italy, right?
And I think our best artists
our best poets, our best like people in the arts are sensitive because how do you create these beautiful paintings with like this raw emotion on it and this ability to like just look at a painting and like feel what every character is feeling
without being sensitive to the point where you can like you can get that out, right?
Or poets who have written these beautiful pieces where you can just like you can feel things.
and emotions that you've like never even been through.
Right?
You can cry listening to something that you're like, I can't even relate, but I can be in this person's shoes.
These are our sensitive people.
Right.
And so the world needs sensitive people and we need to not squash sensitivity out of our children and be like you you need to toughen off and not
not be sensitive, I think the world would be really losing something if we didn't see sensitivity as a gift and as something that we want our children to have and to cultivate.
And I think we could use more of that.
We probably went through in the eighties and nineties too much of uh break your child's will and you know
Toughen up and big like you look back in history, they had like weeks of mourning after someone died and they had specifically commissioned paintings to like
make this a painting that someone can look at when they're sad so that they cry and like as they stand and look at this painting, right?
Like there used to be a bit more tears that were just part of like normal society and now it's all about toughen out, but that's not always how it's been
And yeah, I think that I'd love to see the return of sensitivity being normalized and dealt with in a healthy way.
I would argue that
I think a lot of society has gone in that direction, maybe so much so that they bubble wrap.
Yes, but like too much.
And then there's this draw to that 80s style parenting where it's like just let them break their bone by climbing the tree and all that.
Kind of let them.
It's the pendulum swing, right?
We're either here or we're here.
But we're not like, hey, say you're sensitive child.
Like, why don't we draw about it?
Draw about how you're feeling right now.
Or like, like, let's channel that sensitivity in some healthy ways versus just like
Stopping it.
Or listen to music with your child or something like that.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, let's go.
Go for a walk or run or something like that.
Yeah, let's listen to some music.
Let's go for a walk together.
Our oldest has been
pretty much demanding of me that she wants to go on a run with me.
Yeah.
Just cause she's like, oh I think it'd be fun.
We should do that.
Yeah.
Or like the way our youngest appreciates music.
I got three.
Like she just like you can tell she just has an ear for it.
Yeah, more than the other ones.
Lean into those things.
Let your child find the ways that their sensitivity will be a gift.
that they'll give back to the world and and themselves through different ways.
Um but yeah, I just had to say that because I've been thinking about that a lot.
I'm like our best chefs, our best artists, our best po like I betcha anything they're all highly sensitive because that's how they can
do their craft so well.
And so think about that too with your sensitive kid, just all the possibilities that come with being sensitive.
Finally, if a parent is listening and feels that their child's struggles or the family's stress are beyond what they can manage with these strategies, when is it time to seek professional help?
And are there any kind of evidence-based support that you recommend that they should look for?
Hmm.
Good question
I mean, like I don't have a great answer of like this is the time.
But like if you feel like you want help and you want support and you can find support, then yeah.
I think you should go for it.
I have a lot of clients who just like, oh, I'll probably just like come to you for years off and on, you know, whenever I have a parenting question or something that I want to go through with you, just because it's nice to have someone that I can talk to about it
But with whatever clinician you're looking at, you want to understand like, do they understand temperament?
Do they understand sensitivity?
What lens do they look through?
Like I always ask if I'm interviewing someone
Oh, what kind of training or theorists or researchers are you interested in?
Like what inspires your approach?
Um that's less helpful than that.
For someone like you.
Like if someone tell rattles off a whole bunch of theories, that's gonna mean nothing to me.
I mean, if you're listening to Robot Unicorn or you follow us on Nurtured First, I think
finding someone that aligns with your values in that way, right?
Like if you go to a therapist and they're very old school, like, all right, you know what, you just got to put them in timeout.
Like some therapists will will recommend that, then you know that that's not for you, right?
So you kind of have to ask, like, what's your approach?
I'd be looking for words like uh attachment-based, trauma-informed, play-based, things like that
Okay, interesting.
Well, that wraps up this series, I think.
Uh I mean I'm sure we could have gone more into detail.
I did even skip a few questions
Well, after three episodes on sensitivity, let us know if you want more.
But I kinda love this series.
I think it's uh to be honest, I did not expect it to
be this long.
I knew we had tons to cover.
I haven't even shared all the stories I had thought about for the this series.
Can I leave it on one final story that I just thought was so sweet?
100%
And then we'll This was last night.
Just go to black screen.
Beautiful.
So last night I was tucking our daughter, who we've said is the more sensitive one, into bed.
And I was like, hon, we haven't had a lot of alone time lately.
I think we should plan something like just me and you.
And she was like, Oh, well, I would really love to, but I think my sisters would be really left out.
And so we should probably invite them.
Otherwise they're gonna be too sad.
And I was like, Oh sweetheart, like it's okay for us to just hang out.
She's like, I know
And I really want to hang out with just you, mommy.
But I'm also really worried that my sisters would be so sad if they didn't get to come.
Because I know like I'd be so sad if you hung out with them and I didn't get to come
So even though I really want to hang out with just you, maybe we all hang out.
And then I like those are the the beautiful things about sensitive kids, like the way they consider
their siblings and the way we have to coach them through to sometimes say, Your sisters are gonna be okay and like I laugh because I think about her sisters
Who would never consider her in the same way?
No.
Oh, you want solo side with me?
Yeah, okay, perfect.
You know?
Yeah.
Great.
I don't want my sisters to come.
Yeah.
You know, it's like she just immediately can understand how that would make someone else feel and then immediately feels like it's her responsibility to make sure that they don't feel that way.
So that's where our coaching really has to come in and be like, it's okay if your sisters wish that they were out with us
I will also plan special time with them.
You're allowed to have just time with me and not feel guilty about it.
But I just thought that was like such a perfect example of
what it's like to raise a sensitive kid and how beautiful it is and how you do have to go through that extra effort to make sure that they know that they matter and that they
they're not responsible at five years old for taking care of their sisters' feelings.
And just like how innate that is.
I don't know.
I've really been thinking about that today.
It's like it breaks your heart a little and it also just makes you so proud and also feel like
you need to know that you're allowed to do something.
There's still work to do.
Yeah.
So anyway, I thought I'd leave it on that.
All right.
Well, you've just finished the
Final episode of our Sensitive Kids trilogy, as Scott mentioned at the very beginning of these three episodes.
And I just had a couple little notes before we completely finish wrapping up here.
But first off, I loved doing this series.
I loved doing the research for the episodes.
I loved recording them with Scott, even though I did
get sick of talking f with him like it was a bit much.
Um it was a bit much was that I feel so passionate in my heart for sensitive kids and I love that we are able to talk about it and as in depth as we wanted to.
I mean that being said.
We could have kept going.
And we will.
I mean.
Sensitivity is a topic that will continue to be wrapped up in so many episodes that we do.
Yep
But Scott, I just we ended I think here it is with you asking me, like what's one thing I'd want to say to parents of sensitive kids, and I'm asking you.
What's one thing that you feel like you've learned about sensitivity that has helped you as a parent
to a sensitive child and a sensitive wife and a sensitive person yourself.
What's helped you?
I think the first thing that helped me, and w I don't even think we talked about this in the episodes at all.
was when I did some sort of questionnaire on highly sensitive people and then I finally What book was that?
The highly sensitive person.
I read that, I filled out the questionnaire and I think I checked off
the majority of them, and then read through that book and finally understanding a bit more of myself was quite helpful.
And I think that has helped me relate more with
our daughter who seems to be more highly sensitive to things and I can understand certain things around the feeling of socks that are going on or underwear or something that
She and I have been able to relate on a much deeper level because of it.
Mm-hmm.
And it's I mean, it's all helpful stuff with our other daughters too, but because there are certain things that
Maybe you wouldn't understand about the feeling of certain clothes.
I feel like that has helped me parent her.
Not better, but just
I think through a lens of compassion.
Yeah, maybe more compassionate way because I can I f can feel inside of myself the same things that she feels.
And I think the biggest thing, one of the biggest things for me too is when I understood your sensitivity, like before we even had kids, and I think you've read the book Highly Sensitive Person, like what you're talking about, I think all of a sudden I even had more compassion for you as my partner
Being like, oh, he's not just like finicky and annoying.
These things actually really bother you in a way that I just can't understand.
Or like you're impacted by certain things.
you know, and as am I and I feel like this has also been helpful the other way, right?
But you're impacted by certain things that I just didn't understand.
So I hope
that as parents complete this series, they will, if nothing else, look at their sensitive child through that lens of compassion.
Maybe themselves too.
And themselves too.
And just have that extra
ability to say like wow like this isn't a fault it's not like this problem it's not this manipulation or this thing that my child or my myself has like done that's just like a failure
It's just this is who they are and and seeing them through that lens of compassion.
So I hope if nothing else.
That's what people take away from this
I will say there are times where I wish I wasn't as sensitive as it was to certain feelings or tastes or textures or different things, but then also
I think I've come to appreciate the fact that let's say with food, I feel like I can appreciate it so much more than you can.
Mm-hmm.
And same with our our daughter who is quite sensitive.
Already I can see in her those same
Like she can just taste things and smell things differently.
And she enjoys, I mean, she's disgusted by things a little more quickly, but then also the things that she loves, she really loves.
I totally agree.
Right.
Like you can wish away your sensitivity, but it also sometimes like makes your life so enjoyable and like uh makes you appreciate things in just such a deeper way.
And so I think that's pretty beautiful and cool as well.
So beautiful.
Anyway, so thank you so much for being with us for all these episodes for dealing with Scott.
I know that was probably tough.
It is for most people.
Yeah, please.
You can start a start a support group.
Yeah, support group for everyone who has to listen to us.
Start a Reddit thread, please.
Yeah, thank you.
Please start it on Parent Snark.
Parent Snark Reddit thread.
We would love that.
Yeah.
Well they wanted uh they wanted me to do this.
Anyway.
I don't know why that popped in my head, I just thought you haven't got any hate that I've seen, so I'm sure it is there.
somewhere.
But anyway, thank you again and we will talk to you next week with a new fresh topic.
Peace out.
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