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Are you feeling swamped by the demands of being a principal? From juggling emails, calls, and decisions to boosting test scores and wading through endless paperwork, the pressure is real.
But imagine a scenario where you no longer feel this overwhelming stress. Picture yourself as a more resilient leader, concentrating on enhancing your school rather than merely coping with the daily tasks that currently consume your time.
I‘m Barb Flowers. Drawing upon my eight-year experience as an elementary principal, with a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership and certification as a life coach, Along the way, I've mentored and coached school leaders, guiding them to change their mindset, set boundaries and focus on their own well-being while navigating their roles.
Each episode offers practical insights on time management, communication, overcoming overwhelm, boosting confidence, and fostering a positive mindset. We'll also discuss topics like working with stakeholders, implementing new initiatives, and managing discipline. Let's set boundaries, focus on well-being, and reignite your passion for being a principal. Welcome to "The Principal's Handbook."
I firmly believe that to be an impactful educator, you must first become a confident and well-rounded individual. Join us in this journey to empower and enhance your confidence as a school leader.
You Shouldn’t Have to Wait Until Summer to Feel Like Yourself Again
Today, we’re talking about the two versions of yourself.
Do you ever feel like there are two completely different versions of you?
There’s the summer version of you, and then there’s the school-year version of you.
I started thinking about this because my husband and I have this conversation every summer about how different I am in the summer compared to the school year.
For you, maybe summer means you exercise. You read. You sit outside. You take time to relax. You have hobbies. You catch up with friends. You spend more time with your family.
Maybe you’re more carefree.
Maybe your personality feels different.
Maybe you just feel more like yourself.
And then there’s the school-year version of you.
You’re tired. You’re rushing. You’re overscheduled. You stop doing the hobbies you enjoy.
You want to work out consistently, but you don’t.
You think about work constantly.
You’re physically with your family, but you’re not mentally present. You’re still thinking about school. You’re replaying things that happened during the day.
And you’re waiting for the next break.
Then, every time you have a long break or summer finally comes, you start to feel like yourself again.
My husband and I started talking about this, and I began wondering:
Why is that?
And what is that gap telling me?
We actually talked about how, this summer, there was much less of a gap between who I am during the school year and who I am during the summer.
That’s what I want to talk about in this episode.
I think this is important because it’s about who we want to be as people and the quality of life we want to have.
I had the privilege of working from home for a year and running my coaching business full-time.
I think a lot of people would say working from home is the dream.
When I was a principal before taking that year off, I thought it would be amazing. I loved the idea of having more flexibility with my kids.
And don’t get me wrong—I loved it.
It was a great year and a great experience.
But I realized how much I missed being a principal.
That was powerful for me because I realized that I actually thrive on going to work every day.
I thrive on being around people.
I love being part of a school community and leading that community.
I love being a principal.
I needed that year to take a break, experience something different, and realize how much I truly love what I do.
That experience also helped me realize how important it is to make the role of a principal sustainable.
I don’t want to be two completely different versions of myself.
I realized that I’m happier in the role of a principal than I was working from home all the time.
I like consistency.
I like having a schedule.
I like getting up and moving around.
I don’t like sitting at a desk and working all day.
Those are all things I learned about myself during that year.
So I want you to think about yourself.
What do you love about the role of being a principal?
And what might the gap between your summer self and your school-year self be telling you?
## Overwhelm Changes Who You Become
When we feel overwhelmed as principals, it can change who we become.
It can change how you show up for your family.
How you show up for yourself.
How patient you are.
How you respond to people.
How confident you feel.
What you do after work.
How present you are.
And even how you feel about yourself.
We all know that, as school leaders, we’re usually tired in the evenings.
I know that when I come home from work, I’m tired. I have to build routines around the fact that I’m going to have less energy in the evening than I do when I’m off in the summer.
A lot of times, I don’t want to do anything on a school night—or even on a Friday night—unless I do it right after work.
So I want you to think about this:
The problem with overwhelm isn’t just that you have too much to do.
The problem is that, over time, you can become a version of yourself you don’t even recognize.
You’re tired.
You’re stressed.
And you start showing up differently.
## What Does Summer Reveal About You?
I want you to pay attention to who you are in the summer.
Instead of asking, “How do I keep my summer schedule?”
Because obviously, your summer schedule looks completely different.
Ask yourself:
**What does summer reveal about who I am when I’m not overwhelmed?**
If you’re able to pause this episode and write some things down, I want you to think about who you are in the summer.
Maybe you’re more patient.
More creative.
More confident.
More fun.
More present.
More willing to try new things.
Less reactive.
For me, one of the biggest differences was patience.
I’ve learned to manage this better over time, but there used to be a big gap between the patience I had in the summer and the patience I had during the school year.
During the school year, I had less patience for my husband and my kids after work.
All day long, everybody needed me.
Then I would come home, and my husband or my kids would need something, and I would snap.
I would think, “I just need time alone.”
I’ve learned how to manage that better.
I also notice that I’m able to have more fun outside of work when I’m not so stressed.
That’s another gap I’ve noticed in myself.
So think about what that is for you.
Ask yourself:
**What parts of the summer version of me do I want to take into the school year?**
## What Is Creating the Gap?
The next question is:
**What makes that gap so big?**
For me, if I’m snapping at my family because everybody needs something from me, I have to look at what is happening during my day.
Am I giving to everybody all day?
Am I failing to delegate?
Am I constantly solving everyone else’s problems?
If I’m giving, giving, giving all day instead of leading and empowering people to make decisions, of course I’m going to be exhausted when I get home.
So what is creating the gap for you?
Are you saying yes to everything during the school day?
Are you saying yes to everything outside of school?
I used to overschedule myself. I would say yes to this and yes to that, and suddenly my calendar was completely booked.
Maybe you believe everything is urgent, so you’re constantly responding to problems and exhausting yourself.
Maybe you never mentally leave work.
You spend your evenings replaying things that happened during the day.
Maybe it’s connected to confidence.
You don’t like how you handled a situation, or you’re not sure whether you handled it correctly, so you replay it over and over in your mind.
That makes it hard to be present with your family.
It makes it hard to relax and have fun because you can’t release it and let it go.
Maybe you’re constantly checking email.
You’re looking at your phone to see if an angry parent emailed you back.
You’re waiting for a response from a teacher.
You’re never fully present.
Maybe you’re taking responsibility for everybody else’s problems.
You spend all day solving problems at school, and when you get home, you don’t want to deal with one more thing.
Maybe you’re trying to do everything perfectly.
Maybe you don’t have systems.
One thing that helps me is keeping many of the same systems during the summer and the school year.
I meal prep.
I exercise.
I try to maintain the same routines so that my life doesn’t feel completely different when the school year starts.
Maybe you feel guilty when you aren’t working.
I’ve dealt with this a lot.
You feel like you should be working, so you have a hard time simply sitting and being present.
But in the summer, you don’t feel guilty about resting.
So ask yourself: Where is the gap, and why is it happening?
The question isn’t just: What do I need to do to feel better?
The better question is: What is creating the overwhelm that I need to subtract?
What is creating the overwhelm that is keeping you from being the version of yourself you are in the summer?
Now, I want you to think about how to close that gap.
Choose one difference between summer you and school-year you.
For example: Summer me is more present with my family.
School-year me feels like I should be working. I keep checking my phone or my email, and I’m not fully present.
If that’s the gap, ask yourself:
**What do I need to subtract to close it?**
What boundary do I need to set?
Maybe it’s no email after 5:00.
Personally, I don’t check my email after school, and that helps me a lot.
Maybe it’s volunteering for one less committee.
Maybe you decide you’re not going to take work home every night.
Maybe you decide that if you need to catch up, you’ll work for a couple of hours on Saturday morning—and that’s it.
Maybe you find one task to delegate.
Maybe you stop answering every problem immediately.
Maybe you choose a consistent time to leave work.
I talk about this a lot in my course, The 8 to 4 Principal.
You have to choose the time you’re going to leave.
That’s always kept me grounded as a principal.
My kids are waiting for me after school. I don’t have the option to stay until 5:00 or 6:00 every night.
And the truth is, there will always be more work you could be doing.
Choosing a consistent time to leave—and staying consistent with it—helps so much.
## You Don’t Have to Wait Until Summer to Feel Like Yourself
You’re not going to feel exactly the same in October as you do in July.
The responsibilities are different.
The demands are different.
Working is different from not working.
Even if you work during the summer, it’s not the same as leading a school during the school year.
But I want you to think about the gap.
If the gap is so big that you feel like a completely different person during the school year...
If you spend the entire year waiting for the next break...
If you’re counting down the days until summer so you can finally feel like yourself again...
Then maybe your goal this year is to close that gap.
Maybe your goal is to create a school-year version of yourself that feels a little closer to the summer version of you.
Bring more of who you are when you’re not overwhelmed into the way you lead all year long.
I’ll share my Overwhelmed Principal Toolkit in the show notes if you want more support with this.
But so much of this comes down to creating boundaries and building systems that allow you to be more of the same person all year long.
It has taken me years to get to this point.
I’m going into my 10th year in administration, and this summer, my husband told me he noticed less of a gap between who I am during the school year and who I am during the summer.
That’s the goal.
If you start noticing less of that gap, it means you’re creating a way of leading where you’re less stressed and more grounded.
You’re creating a role that is sustainable for you so you can continue doing work you love for the long term.
So I want you to reflect on this:
What can you do to close the gap between summer you and school-year you?
Remember, the best principals aren’t the ones who do the most.
They’re the ones who know what to subtract.