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Creators & Guests
What is The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast?
The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast was born out of a place of grief. Having lost my best friend from the Marine Corps in the early hours of 2023, I realized that this feeling was all too familiar. I wanted to do something, not only for the loss I felt, but for the loss I knew many families were enduring day to day.
We believe that a major way to relieve the stressors of life is to talk, laugh, cry, and share our experiences without fear of offense. We hope to attract veterans and first responders as well as anyone who is interested in knowing more about what it’s like to be in our shoes while we wear or wore those shoes.
PODCAST INTRODUCTION: Hello everyone and welcome to Ghost Turd Stories.
I'm your host, Troy Gent.
Ghost Turd Stories mission is using humorous stories from veterans and first responders to reduce the burden of families whose veteran or first responder committed suicide.
Ghost Turd Stories vision is to use humor from veteran and first responder stories to prevent suicide within our ranks and reduce the burden of families whose veteran or first responder committed suicide.
We hope to attract veterans and first responders as well as those interested in knowing more about what it's like to be in our shoes while we wear or wore those shoes.
TROY GENT: Hello everyone.
This is Troy Gent, your host and creator of Ghost Turd Stories.
Today I've got a very special guest.
He's a good friend of mine.
He's a prior service Marine and is now a firefighter.
Welcome. How are you doing?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: I'm doing good.
Thank you for having me.
TROY GENT: Awesome. Thanks for being here.
So what's the dumbest thing you ever did while serving?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Let me think. I mean, I've done a lot of dumb stuff but one of the things that comes to mind...
I'll paint the picture for you.
So we were in Thailand and I'm sure you remember the Cobra Gold exercises that we used to do with the Royal Thai Marines.
These exercises that we do are kind of a, "You show me yours, I'll show you mine," type deal where we're showing them our state-of-the-art weaponry, such as sniper rifles, night vision goggles, our comm gear, things like that and then they're showing us how to survive in the jungle.
They'd catch Cobras in the middle of the jungle and chop their heads off, eat them, and squeeze the blood into the Thai whiskey.
TROY GENT: Yeah, I remember that.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: We were out there doing a bunch of training and I'm sure you also remember Cinderella Liberty.
TROY GENT: You gotta be back at midnight.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, absolutely.
You gotta be back at midnight.
We had been doing a bunch of training and the guys broke off.
They wanted to go party.
For those of you who have never been to Thailand, the US dollar goes a long way in Thailand.
So for a young Marine who's not getting paid much, you can go big.
You can party.
You can be treated like a King out there for not much so it was kind of a cool spot to go.
So we had this elaborate plan to bypass the Cinderella liberty.
About 10 o'clock, as things were winding down, guys were ready to rack out, I had a bunch of the guys come with me and we set up our cots and made them look like there were people sleeping in them.
So we got our ponchos over our packs with like boots hanging out of the end with like a helmet so it looks like there's somebody sleeping in the rack.
TROY GENT: What was your position at the time?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: So I was a scout sniper and a sergeant.
So I had a sniper section with me and that consisted of the snipers and the scouts. So we have the HOGS and the PIGS.
The HOGs are the hunters of gunmen.
The PIGss are like the guys that are kind of in training.
They haven't gone through sniper school yet so they're professionally instructed gunmen.
We go hop on those little tuck tucks.
Do you remember those little cab motorcycle deals?
We go out and we go party.
They got like those kickboxing rings.
Do you remember that?
TROY GENT: Yeah, they told us we couldn't get in there because they were afraid someone was going to get a broken neck or something.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, they got guys doing kickboxing and there were bars all around it.
I remember just playing Connect 4.
That was like their game out there.
All the girls at the bars were really good at Connect 4 and if you beat them, they'd buy you a drink, and if they beat you, which nine times out of ten they did, you buy them a drink and be like the most expensive drink.
I was hanging out at the bar with a girl and she starts laughing.
And I'm like, "What's going on? Whatcha laughing at?"
And she's like, "You're your buddy over there…
H e's making out with a dude."
There's a lot of transvestites out there too.
TROY GENT: I’ve got a couple of stories about that.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: They left together too so he probably found out the hard way.
Uh, no pun intended but he found out the hard way that she was uh...
He was packing some heat as well.
Red Bull vodka was kind of the newest thing that came out at that point and you could buy a Red Bull out there for like ten cents and a fifth of vodka for a dollar or something like that.
So we're going hard, we're partying, and it's like four in the morning now.
And we're like, "Dude, we got to get back on base."
We're hammered.
TROY GENT: When you guys are sober and you got a young PIG who wants to be a hog, how does the interaction go between subordinate and senior when you're all drunk like that?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: You're rankless.
If you're a sergeant as a PIG, you may be with a corporal who's a hog and like the corporal, in this sense, would almost outrank you.
You might have a junior guy that's your mentor or your boss.
We now have to school these PIGs up on how to infiltrate a base on foreign soil, gas canned at four in the morning, given the Royal Thai Marines, the guys that are guarding the base, they got shotguns with banana clips.
Like they're ready to go.
It's no joke.
You can't just go rolling up there.
You're either going to get caught violating Cinderella liberty and walk on the base like you're supposed to or you can be complete knuckleheads like us and try to break in.
We're stalking through the bushes and climbing through barbed wire and doing all this stuff, trying to get in this base and going through the brush.
We ended up getting inside the base and now we're having the PIGS like, "Alright I'm kind of hungry.
I want you to go over to that supply area and go steal some MREs."
We're just trying to hightail through this base without being seen, treating it like a stalking exercise for all of us, basically, but we're teaching these guys at the same time.
Like, "Alright, there's a guard over there.
We got to get through here.
So like, how do we use like the terrain, the micro terrain, and the brush to the best of our ability?"
We had pre-staged our PT gear so we could just change out of our civvies, get into our PT gear, and kind of like just walk in the squad bay, like nothing happened.
"Oh, we just woke up.
We're getting ready for PT 0 500.
Whatever."
So we make it in and we're like, "Man, like we got this, you know?"
TROY GENT: It's funny.
In the Marines, that's not uncommon.
People would drink all night and then they'd come and run three miles or more and then do a full PT session, you know?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, I mean, when you're 20 years old, you can do that.
I couldn't do that now but...
Now it's like 5:00 AM, right?
So we roll out to PT and I'm like, "Alright I think we got it.
I think we're good."
The platoon sergeant comes out.
He's a staff NCO.
He's a little older than the rest of us.
The rest of us are like four years or less and he's probably got about a decade on at this point.
So he's not really hanging with us. He's a little old school a little bit.
He was very stoic, I guess.
And he comes out and he's like, "Hey, Lieutenant needs to talk to you."
and I was just like, " Oh man.
We're busted.
We're screwed."
And I tell the guys, I'm like, "Hey, this is my idea.
You know, I'll take the hit for us.
I'll tell him I made you do it.
This and that."
I go into his office and he's like...
He's seated at his desk.
He's got like his head in his hands, you know, like kind of like he's got a headache.
He's not looking too happy.
And he's like, "Hey, You're probably wondering why I called you in here."
And I'm like, "I already know.
I'm done."
And he starts telling me his story of his night, right?
"I violated the Cinderella Liberty.
I like literally just got here right now, I'm super wasted, and... I think the police are looking for me.
And I'm like, "What?"
I'm like, "Whoa, this like totally took a turn."
TROY GENT: Why do you think he confided in you versus the platoon Sergeant?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: So the platoon Sergeant had to go to some meeting.
He's looking at me and I'm like, "What?
What's happening right now?"
So I just sit there and I'm quiet.
I'm just listening.
Right?
I'm not about to spill the beans on what I just did.
He's like, telling me like, " I was out partying.
I stole a guy's scooter.
And I'm like, "What?"
And he's like, "Yeah, I got chased by the cops.
I ditched the scooter, ran up like a flight of stairs, they chased me, and then I ran back down and hopped back on the scooter and like literally just drove into the base."
I'm like, "You what?"
I'm like, "Man, what the...
Sir, that's unbecoming of the Marine.
You should be ashamed of yourself."
I'm just kidding.
I didn't say that.
I'm like, "Hey,
You know, sir.
I got you.
You know, your secret's safe with me.
I won't say nothing."
And he's like, "Hey, I need you to take the platoon.
The platoon sergeant's got a meeting."
So he's like, "Run the day.
You got them.
Start with PT.
Do whatever you want.
Here's kind of the schedule, what I want done, but I got to get out of here."
And I'm like, "Hey, sir.
You can count on me.
You know, like I'm a responsible fellah."
He's like, "Yeah, I know.
I know you're a good guy.
You got it, man.
That's why you got promoted and all this stuff."
I’m thinking in my head, like, "I'm such a dirtbag."
So I come back out and of course I got to mess with the guys, right?
They don't know this.
Like nobody else knows this.
So I take them and I'm like, "Man...
We're screwed, fellas.
freaking right face.
Let's start running."
I ran them up the hill and we kind of just went off into the jungle.
And then I just tell them like, "Hey, I got it handled.
Don't worry about it.
We're going to go up here and take a nap."
So we just went off into the jungle, got some hammocks, and knocked out for a few hours but they didn't even know what happened, I just told him I handled it, and they're probably like, "Man, you're like Teflon.
Like, I don't know how you got away with that one."
Looking back on it, that stuff's all fun but I was sweating it for a bit there.
TROY GENT: Was there ever a time when a leader was being an idiot and the troops got the last laugh?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Uh, yeah.
So different Lieutenant.
This dude was not a sniper and we were doing some of the hardest training I've ever done but...
In Bridgeport, do you remember doing those summer packages and winter packages out there?
TROY GENT: I did one.
I did a summer as enlisted and then a winter as an officer.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: We did both of them.
Like we had like the summer was more repelling stuff and then the winter you go out there and you do the snowshoeing around cross country skiing.
We had a sniper package out there that we did that was brutal.
There was a guy out there that called him The Goat.
And this guy, he'd throw on a hundred-pound pack and just run straight up hills.
He was like a billy goat.
Our Lieutenant, who was not a sniper, he's up at the front yelling at us, like, "Come on guys!
Hurry up!"
We're struggling.
We're hoofing it up this hill or this mountain and the lieutenant, he's up there with The Goat guy and he's yelling at us to hurry up.
And we're just like, "Dude, there is no way that he's in better shape than us.
No way."
We've been through Sniper school.
We're pretty athletic guys at this point in time.
We were first-class PFT and all that.
We get to the top of the hill, I lift his pack up, and it's like three pounds.
I opened it and he had a pillow in it.
We got prick one 19 radios.
We got water, food, sniper rifles, a bunch of ammo, all this stuff.
So we're weighted down.
We got like a hundred pounds worth of gear and this guy's got a freaking pillow.
At the time there was no digital cameras or any of that so I had my little cardboard disposable camera.
I'm holding his pack up with my pinky.
It's open with a pillow and we take a picture of it.
We put it all back to normal.
Didn't say anything.
We finished the rest of the month or whatever that you're up there training and then I get the picture printed,
I don't know if you remember that movie, but I wrote on the picture. I know what you did last summer.
I put it on his desk and I never said anything but I know he got that picture and I was like, "Awe...."
TROY GENT: Yeah, how much longer was he the platoon sergeant?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: He got promoted to captain and left.
But yeah, we got the last laugh on that one.
TROY GENT: When I got to the fleet as a platoon commander, I ran into a couple of my captains from Infantry Officers Course.
They were on 29 Palms base doing some training with the next class and they asked me who my company commander was.
When I told them, they were like, "Oh no."
They were so unhappy for me.
And I was like, "Oh, it's alright.”
And they were like, “Uh, good luck."
Yeah, I mean, it's leaders like that that will break good platoon.
You're supposed to be inspiring guys and instead, you're cheating and yelling at them.
We're giving a hundred percent and he's out there yelling at us.
He's cheating.
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We're in Okinawa and were doing that, JWTC, Jungle Warfare Training Center.
My wisdom teeth were growing out sideways or something and I had to get them extracted.
TROY GENT: I told my daughters about that.
You look like a chipmunk.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, I love Navy doctors and all that but good lord.
Like...
They didn't knock me out or nothing.
I remember they're like, "Yeah, bring some music.
it's going to be a long day."
I had to get all four pulled out.
I had my disc man.
With a disc man, you got one CD.
That's it.
So I had Rage Against the Machine.
That was my choice of music to bring while I got my whole mouth hacked to pieces.
So it was not fun.
They basically made some X's on my gums with his knife, took a chisel and a hammer, broke my teeth in my mouth, and then plucked them out with a set of pliers and put them all on my chest.
TROY GENT: You know, that's what they did to me too.
I only got two out but it was the same thing.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, I did all four at once.
There was like blood and a bunch of like pulpy bone fragments all over my chest and I'm sitting here listening to Rage Against the Machine and like, "What the heck is going on?"
This is the best pair we got out here, you know?
In the rack, they gave me some Percocet for my mouth and motion or something to stop the swelling.
Well, none of that worked.
I mean, you remember how I looked.
My whole face was swollen.
TROY GENT: Yeah, black and blue.
Everything.
It was bad.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: I thought I was going to get at least a few days off but it is the Marine Corps.
So they're like, "Nope, get out there.
You're going on a field op and you're going to go hump through the jungle and sleep in a freaking mosquito-infested tent in the middle of nowhere.
I'm trying to pack my stuff up.
I'm high off Percocet.
I don't know what's going on.
I think we're doing like a one-week op and guess who forgot to pack extra underwear?
Me.
I was so doped up on all the painkillers.
I just wasn't packing right.
Whatever.
So we get out there and I'm like, "Crap, man.
I only got one pair of chums this whole week."
I got like that dry socket thing.
I'm humping through the forest or through the jungle with this pack on and all this stuff, spitting blood out.
You know, I'm doing the thing where you take your underwear and when it starts to get a little nasty and you turn it around and then you flip it inside out and wear it a day and then you turn it around again and wear it for another day.
The only thing out there, you know, like when you got to go drop a deuce in the middle of the jungle and you're like, "Man, I didn't even pack any toilet paper."
You've got the little MRE napkins.
Remember that?
A little square.
I'd been eating freaking, you know, whatever food they had out there.
TROY GENT: It was never enough for MRE craps, dude.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: One of the last days, I got like mud on me.
I'm hurting.
I got this little square and I blow through that in like one wipe.
It's saturated.
You know, it's like destroyed.
And I'm like, "Bro, what am I going to do?"
So I keep on keeping on and you can just feel that nasty five-day-old channel that's been flipped inside out and flipped backward and all that, and by this time, this thing is just like...
it's like Velcro in my crack.
Dude, it's terrible. It's like dried up like paper mache.
I mean, you could probably throw it at the wall and it would've cracked.
The last day, I’m just done with these things.
So I take the front of my drawers and I lift them up cause I'm still wearing my camis. And I don't want to drop trowel cause you got your boots on and all that stuff.
I'm like, "I got to get rid of these things."
I lift the front of it up so like the little holes are showing and I take my knife, cut one leg hole, cut the other leg hole and then just rip the whole thing straight up in the air and it's just like the nastiest tie-dyed mess you've ever seen man.
It was freakin' foul.
TROY GENT: Oh man.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: I told my son that story, right?
And the other day, we were at some hotel somewhere.
We were gone for a few days on a vacation and he's running around and he's got a skid mark on the outside of his underwear.
I'm like, "Boy, whatcha doing?
What's up with your underwear?"
And he's like, "I only packed one undie Daddy and I just did like you did in your story."
He flipped it around and he had like a little turd stain on the outside of his underwear.
And I'm like, "Oh, man."
TROY GENT: He's running around and inside-out undies.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Inside-out undies with a little skid mark on the outside.
He's like, "Yeah, I did just like you did Daddy."
TROY GENT: Oh man.
You're like, "What did I do? Why did I tell him that?"
ANONYMOUS GUEST: I created a monster.
TROY GENT: In boot camp, I got sick of doing the laundry.
They'd make us pack all of our camis and underwear, skivvy drawers I guess to be proper, and socks and stuff.
They would pack as many of those bags inside a washing machine as possible.
They would dry them the same way, which clothes aren't going to dry like that.
So you get your clothes back and they're all wet and they're not clean because they can't possibly wash good like that.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, the ones in the middle don't get cleaned at all.
They're just kind of all together.
TROY GENT: Yeah, so I got tired of doing it like that and I thought I'm just gonna wear the same underwear for two weeks.
Well, I don't think I had like a two-week plan.
I think I just said, "I'm going to wear them."
I only lasted two weeks.
My fellow recruits were like, "Dude, you gotta change your underwear, man.
You stink so bad."
Is there a situation in your firefighting career where the person had contraband?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: There's guys hiding stuff in what you would call the old prison wallet.
TROY GENT: Oh, yeah?
What's a prison wallet?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: That's basically Keister in it.
Hiding in your...
TROY GENT: Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And they're like, "Oh, I slipped in the shower and you know landed on this bottle of shampoo and now it's stuck.
You're like, "Oh, okay.
Whatever.
I don't need to believe your story.
We all know what happened.
Like, all right.
Get in the ambulance.
It's good.
We had a guy.
He had a shirt through a lock and apparently, that's a felony.
I actually just learned this but they use it almost like a ball and chain.
Like, do you remember blanket parties where you throw a bar of soap in a sock and it's like a little ball and chain?
So this guy basically had the same thing.
He had a shirt through like a pretty burly padlock.
Apparently that's considered a concealed weapon.
TROY GENT: What was the most painful experience in training or on the job that everyone laughed about later?
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Oh man.
I'd probably say SEER school.
SEER is survival, evasion, resistance, and escape.
It was basically POW training.
I went through about two decades, maybe a little longer than that ago and they still did waterboarding at that point.
I guess they stopped doing that now.
A buddy of mine ran the SEER school for a number of years.
I met him way after I got out but he told me, he's like, "Yeah, we stopped doing waterboarding a while back."
I remember getting waterboarded.
That was not fun.
I was like, "Here's my plan.
I'm going to hold my breath and pretend like I'm dead and then they'll stop because they'll think I'm dead."
I'm not the best swimmer.
I can't hold my breath very long.
I probably lasted about ten or twenty seconds on that thing.
And I'm like, "Alright, now I'm going to fake like I'm dead."
I stopped moving and they just kept going, man.
They just kept pouring.
I really can't breathe now.
So I started flipping out and I was shaking.
I actually passed out on them.
TROY GENT: Oh, man.
Yeah.
I woke up and like, for those of you who've never seen a water board, the one that they had me on was almost like a decline sit-up bench that you're taped down on.
So you can't move anything.
You can't move your head.
You can't move your arms, your legs, nothing.
They put this towel over your face that's wet and you can barely even breathe through the towel.
Once they start dumping the water on the towel, because it's covering your nose and your mouth, it just goes right up your nose and right in your mouth.
You try to take a breath and you're just inhaling water.
It's brutal.
It's sucked.
I start throwing up all this water.
And I'm just like, "What the hell's going on? Like, dude, this school was crazy."
I was in there with a buddy of mine from the same platoon.
He's a sniper as well.
He's a big dude, man.
He's like your size and they have another little technique that they do to try to break you where they throw you in this box.
The box is made out of wood.
They shut the box and they lock it.
I'm a smaller dude so it wasn't the worst thing for me but my buddy in there, I mean, he's a big cat.
He's freaking out cause he can't move anything.
His head's like smashed between his legs or whatever.
I'm like stretching, taking a nap but I can hear the wood creaking.
He's like, "Ah!"
I'm like, "Bro.
Go to your happy place, man.
Just chill.
Just try to relax.
You gotta be calm."
I got a couple of little quick stories I'll just tell.
It's just kind of good for a laugh.
We were in boot camp, right?
And right before you went to sleep, you had to do those little hygiene inspections and you're sitting there in your whitey tighties.
They check your nails and your feet and make sure that you don't have some gnarly fungus or black and blue spots all over the place or something like that.
So we had this one cat in the platoon and boot camp.
He was a bit of a food blister, overweight, redhead, freckled kid.
The drill instructor goes up to him and it's his turn.
And he's like, "Snap!
Blah, blah.
This recruit has no hygiene problems."
Whatever.
And just rips the gnarliest fart.
Just blows it up.
And this thing's rank, dude.
It is foul and the drill instructor, he's completely straight-faced.
He's like, everybody come here and vacuum this up!”
And we're like, "What? I vacuum it up?
And he's like, "Inhale that fart and blow it out the window."
That was the vacuum, dude.
So all of us are running over and it's just like...
I mean, this is the nastiest, swamp-ass fart I've ever smelled and we gotta run over to this pungent cloud of just anus and inhale it and go run over to the window and blow it out.
And the guy, the drill instructor had us in a single file line, running in circles, inhaling a fart and blowing it out the window.
That's how we vacuumed it up.
TROY GENT: Dude, that's funny but the funniest part is that the drill instructor can just hold a straight face through that.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: Yeah, those guys are cut from a different cloth.
I always respect those guys but to have that much bearing to straight face be like, "Vacuum it up."
Man, we just inhale this swamp ass...
Oh, it was disgusting
Guys are gagging, just trying to not throw up.
They're running and trying to blow it out the window.
TROY GENT: Dude, the boot camp farts are awful.
Man, they're the worst.
ANONYMOUS GUEST: We're doing some training out in Yuma or somewhere.
I don't know.
We're doing some sniper thing.
It was a little bit lax cause we were on our own as a sniper unit.
So we're having a campfire right in the middle of the desert and one of the guys...
We started jamming him up a little bit, throwing some blows his way, beating him down a little bit, and he gets, pissed, right?
And he grabs a fricking two hundred round bandolier of SAW ammo.
They were blanks but he hucks it in the fire and we didn't know what it was.
He just hucks this thing in the fire and then bolts.
And then it's just like, "Ghaw, ghaw, ghaw, ghaw, ghaw!"
Like two hundred rounds go off.
And we're like, "Oh my gosh!"
Everybody hits the deck.
Stuff's blowing up everywhere.
Our platoon sergeant, that same guy that I was telling you about kind of stoic guy, he gets smacked in the head with something.
A week or so goes by and it started to get infected.
So now he's got this like giant unicorn zit-looking thing on his forehead, right?
He's pissed off at this dude.
He's like, "Man, what were you thinking?"
This guy, surprisingly again, didn't get written up or nothing but he got pulled outside behind the shed and thrashed a bunch.
But so like a week goes by and the platoon sergeant is trying to get the puss out
He's in front of his mirror squeezing this giant freaking unicorn mountain of a zit he's got on his forehead and guess what pops out of it?
A fricking primer.
A primer from the round popped right out of his forehead.
The primer had shot right in his forehead.
I remember guys doing dumb stuff like that, cooking coffee with C4.
C4, you can light it on fire.
Just don't step on it.
TROY GENT: Well, thanks so much for sharing and being here with me.
Thanks for making me laugh.
Yeah, I think what you're doing is good, man.
I like that we can put something out.
A lot of vets are hurting.
You and I have just both lost a good friend.
I think it's good for guys to be able to hear stories like this and kind of look back on their time in the service and remember some of the good stuff.
There's a lot of bad stuff.
There are a lot of guys that are dealing with some crazy stuff with PTSD and whatnot and I think this is something positive that we can share with the rest of our brothers and sisters out there and hopefully give them a laugh and if they're feeling like crap, they can hear some of these stories and remember some of the good times that they had.
I really appreciate what you're doing, man.
I think it's great.
TROY GENT: I appreciate that.
Thanks for being here.
Yeah, absolutely man.
Absolutely.
PODCAST OUTRO: Thank you for listening.
Please tell your friends and family so that we can bring more joy and awareness to those struggling with suicide ideation and the families who desperately need help after the loss of someone they love to suicide.