Unwrapping Joy

 In this holiday episode, Toni and Hettie explore the tender territory of grief and joy during a season that can feel both magical and achingly heavy. They discuss how beloved traditions can unexpectedly trigger sorrow, why guilt often surfaces when happiness returns, and how we can "unwrap joy" through intentional rituals, storytelling, service, creativity, and connection. Blending personal stories, practical strategies, and gentle humor, they offer a reassuring reminder: grief and joy can coexist—and honoring both can make the holidays more healing and hopeful. 

What is Two Dancing Widows?

Finding life after loss, Two Dancing Widows dives into the stories of resilience, hope, and transformation. Hosts Toni and Hettie welcome new guests each week, from widowers and life coaches to those battling severe illness, who share their journeys through struggle and their paths back to joy. This podcast is for anyone navigating grief or simply looking for inspiration to live and love deeply again. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that remind us all that healing, while challenging, is a dance worth stepping into.

coming up on this episode of Two Dancing Widows.

You are not broken, you are brave.

And I think that's true. And it takes a certain amount of bravery

to just figure out a different way to do it. Figure out another way to joy.

If joy was getting up in the morning, having breakfast with

our family for Christmas or for Thanksgiving or whenever it was, if it was

warming up apple cider and a little whiskey in it or

hitting up the egg knock or whatever that tradition was,

if you can hang on to those traditions, it's good.

But if you want to let them go because they're too painful,

that's good too. But you have to be okay with deciding to release it.

And with it, the energy that keeps you feeling

somewhat sad or feeling grief. And I think along that same line,

that it's okay to refuse invitations during the holidays.

If you're really not feeling up to it or if it's something that's going to make you

feel sad, instead of happy, you say no.

Welcome to Two Dancing Widows. The podcast where hosts Tony and Heddy

explore life after loss and the strength we find in each other's stories.

In today's episode, our hosts dive into the emotional landscape of the holiday

season. The time filled with lights, laughter,

memories, and sometimes deep triggers of grief.

They share personal reflections and thoughtful strategies for navigating

traditions, honoring loved ones, creating new moments,

and finding gratitude in unexpected places.

This warm conversation invites listeners to unwrap joy without guilt,

and to embrace the truth that grief and joy can beautifully coexist.

In the twilight glow,

when memories plan to souls reminisce on life's winding bed.

Yeah, yeah, with laughter and tales from a time so bold,

they share the stories yet untold.

Hello listeners, this is Tony and my co-host, Heddy.

And we're coming today to bring you a special episode

about unwrapping joy. During the holiday season, we know that many of us can be

triggered by the lights, by the music, by people laughing and dancing,

and sometimes that brings for us who suffered loss of any type of sadness.

And so we want to send you some a way today with some ways to avoid the sadness

or help you to deal with it in a more healthy way,

then perhaps a way that you were headed. Heddy, what do you think?

I think it's a good idea. I think we all, even those of us who have not experienced

loss, but some of us experienced stress around the holidays.

And in order to approach the holidays and ensure that we have a good time,

sometimes we have to develop coping strategies. So deciding in advance,

those things that you are going to do, those things that you're not going to do.

And I think that helps to alleviate the amount of, sometimes,

betrayal that you may feel, because sometimes you are,

willing as though you're having a good time, and someone else who has been ill or

someone that you have lost, are unable to enjoy the good time.

And it sets up for us a certain way that we feel maybe unworthy or like we're

betraying them because we are having a good time and they're not able to

celebrate or they're not here to celebrate. So I think the key to that or one of

the keys to that situation is to talk about and develop coping strategies

before the holiday. I like that. Kind of pre-planning so that you don't step

off into the mud if you will. I like that instead of letting things just kind of

hit you without being prepared for them, I totally like that, Eddie.

And I'm kind of one that doesn't do that, but I can definitely see that that would

help me a lot. I think the weight of the first

holiday, especially for those who have lost people or that have lost their job

or maybe a loved pet, it can be very, very depressing.

However, joy and grief can coexist. You can still find joy even though

you are grieving. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

You can, they can coexist. And so one of the ways that we do that is like I

suggested earlier is by developing a strategy. So the first thing that I would

say is start with giving yourself permission to skip

traditions that feel possibly too painful. Okay, so trying things a different way.

In other words, yes. I know for my mom though, I'm just thinking about that, for my mom

when her older sister died, it was around Christmas time,

and she didn't put her tree up that year. And that was understandable because

really we were quite involved with funeral arrangements and all of that.

But never again, he did, she ever put a tree up. And I thought that was so sad.

I was sad for my mom because her how-on was always beautiful. In fact, she always did

Christmas dinner. And I just felt there was a certain amount of sadness that was

always there each year because she didn't decorate anymore.

So I wonder if you could somehow maybe try a different tradition, but something still

that would be bright and bring you joy. Like I no longer put up the big tree because it's just

physically too much involved with it for me alone now. But I put small trees in every single

room including the bathrooms so that when I walk in the rooms, it makes me feel good. It makes me

smile. But this year I might just have to put that semi-big tree back up because I actually enjoyed it.

And I miss it. I love a big tree as well. But trees are not the only thing. I mean, we get to

Thanksgiving first, it's the celebration. And I think one of the things that we might do is think of

some of those people, the people that you have lost, some of those persons, the their favorite things.

Did they love the holidays? Did they sing on the holidays? Did they come over and sit by the

fireside on the holidays? And if those are traditions that you had, think about whether or not

that would bring you joy to reconstruct those or if it would make you sad and be a little bit too

painful. If in fact it would bring you joy because perhaps it brought them a lot of joy

and fire up the fireplace. You know, by all means, bring out the roasted chestnuts or play the

Christmas and holiday music that they loved. On the other hand, if it is too painful,

maybe sit down in solitude and meditate about them and write a few things in a journal that you

think would make them happy. Write a few things in your journal that you think would make them laugh.

Perhaps there were things that you said to each other, little jokes that you may have shared

that, you know, maybe it's a little bit coded that if you said it, he or she would laugh

or and no one else in the room may realize that this is a private joke. You can sort of

write those down in a journal and maybe that will make you smile. Because once again, we're trying

to think about how do we bring joy to the holidays once again. I know for me, when you said journal,

keeping a journal full of things that I'm grateful for helps me a lot on those cold and dark days,

I list down just even if it's only three things that I'm truly grateful for, it does instantly make

me feel better. So gratitude journal is also a good way to make it through the holidays, I think.

And I do a memory box for the kids sometimes and I put in pictures or recipes or even a piece of

jewelry or something that I want to give them from one of their either grandmother grandfather

or their dad. And I know one of Jason probably a gift that he just really loves, maybe the most was a

picture frame. I had two pictures of my dad on the side and in the middle was there were two hand

written recipes that dad just did on scraps of paper and that meant a lot to my son. He's a cook

too like my dad was and so he loved getting grandpa's original recipes and then the pictures of my

dad looking like a very swab, handsome soldier in the pictures. It was just really precious to him.

So I think we can we can do some things like that too. I think another thing to do is well we do

think about ourselves. Let's remember that there are others who may be suffering through the holiday.

There may be others who are sad and who are having experienced some sort of grief on this

holiday. If you know someone like that whether it's a neighbor whether it's a person that you're

not that familiar with but maybe have some familiarity with go over and bite them over or take

them a ditch if you don't want to invite them to your home. Go down to a center where they are

serving dinners to families. Families feeding families I don't know feels like something that

would always bring joy especially when you see the happiness in the eyes of the children that

they have something to eat and celebrate on this holiday. I think that's another way that you can

do something during the holiday period that could bring you some joy. Yes and almost all your

organizations have some kind of holiday meals that they are serving or a holiday grocery giveaways

or all of that and I think you can find if you're looking for it in your community you can find

a place to serve and volunteer and I agree with you I think helping others serving others

does lift your own spirit. I know you can challenge yourself to some of us have

remember grandma grandpa or auntie's favorite recipe and I hear a lot of people say man I never

learned how to make banana pudding the way grandma did or I never learned how to make sweet potato pie

the way grandma did. You could challenge yourself to try to make a few little samplings of that

to see if you could reconstruct that that particular recipe because if you're able to do it it

may bring you some joy or if you know the recipe maybe you could think of a way to make it healthier

that would be fun. That would be fun. Oh what's fun and leaving all the butter and fat out of it.

Well we may have a little tire around our middle that we do not want to expand or inflate

so therefore we may think of a way and I think it's the fun of it and even if you have children

or you have grandchildren or you have neighborhood kids bring them in and say hey listen

my grandmother or grandfather used to make this recipe and I'm trying to figure it out could you

help me and the kids oh my god they love to get in the kitchen they do to help out and then they

love to sample. Yes they do and it's just that's a great new tradition to create for your family

it's working with the grand or like you said nieces nephews neighbors kids kids at church

a new group you can always share what you know with the younger generation and that makes you

feel good and helps them too. I think making Christmas ornaments I remember when we were so much

younger and we didn't have necessarily a lot of money we would make Christmas ornaments one of

the things that we used to do is we would get balloons and we would blow them up and then we would

cut strips of newspaper paper machine to make paper machine and we would cover the balloons with

all of the strips and we would sometimes die them with Easter egg die or we would color them or whatever

and sometimes we just leave them you know the color of whatever it is if you're looking through

a magazine you may find a lot of red red pictures and that was just with water and paste. Water and

flower makes the taste you take the water and the flower okay we put up and make it kind of smooth

you can buy a mod pod or a deck of pod in the jar but it's much cheaper to make your own with

just this just flower and water we put up until the lumps are all gone run the strips through there

and put it on cover the balloons and when it's dry you just punch a little hole and the balloon goes

down but you have a little hole up in the top where you can pull the balloon out and then you can put

your you know hook that for it like a little tree hook for putting it on the tree or whatever

another thing we used to do is we used to take the hanger. Yes remember that? Yes and we

would stretch it to take a regular metal hanger and put it create like a circle with it but leave

the foot and do the reef we make a reef yeah we go on and buy like wrapping paper yeah that was

gross out yeah wrapping tissue yes so we would cut strips and then we would tie the strips all

the way around yes took forever well I did but it was it was a fun project especially with kids

because as they saw it coming together they would just be so excited and the hook would already be

there where you can hang on the door so there are so many little creative crafts that you could do

those also make great gifts I think I remember sharing with you that when my kids were little and we

were still you know I got back to school we were in school students and all but we still had kids

we used to get the pringles too of course we ate all the all of the chips out of it but we would take the

funnies the comic strips yes and cut them in strips and we would cover them on the the two

and then make I told you the butter the peanut butter cookies which is three ingredients one cup

of sugar one cup of peanut butter and one egg and whip it all up good together make little balls

put them on a baking sheet and set the oven for 350 and you could spray the the baking sheet with a

little bit of a pan or oil or you can use wax paper or some other type of paper and then take the

fork and mash it a little bit and when you put them in when they come up they'll be just the right

size and when I lost my mother-in-law it was so funny that when we went through some of her things

we found a couple of those tubes that the kids had made so yeah she valued those I don't know if she

put like a jury or some other little junky things in there letters or whatever that she rolled up and

you know newspaper articles she was good yet all the old articles from Sam Cook died and other

people like that and she put them into the tube to preserve them so those are ways that you could

do things that aren't too expensive they're creative and they bring joy to children and to the

people receiving the gifts as well I love that and you know I'm thinking you're very creative

but for someone like me that's not I could offer for listeners that go on YouTube and just put

in what you're looking for and YouTube will have a video to show you how to do it exactly and that's

true right yeah and so I I often do that because my kids are busy and sometimes my son is very busy

and he helps us most of the time but sometimes he says mom just go to YouTube I was offended

at first when he would tell me that but then I found that there's everything you ever wanted to do

or know how to do is on YouTube so for some of the craft ideas for the holidays that might be

something for our listeners to do it is and then to revisit journaling a little bit I just donna

me that a friend of mine was telling me recently the story of her grandfather and how he had lived

amongst the Native Americans for a while after leaving the plantation or running away from the

plantation actually and I think sometimes reconstructing family stories along with the children

just get out of journal everybody have their own journal and write a story that's from the family

that you can share that they can write down and then have them write a story or write about

something that they enjoyed or like I would like to have done again and again every year and just

keeping that record of those things it's always surprising when you pull out that little trunk

or plastic bin or whatever it is that you use nowadays you find all these things that belong to

our children or crafts that they did I still have papers that you know we used to put them on the

wall or put them on the refrigerator that the kids would bring home that they had created and made

somewhere Christmas cards that the children made when they were five years old six years old seven

years old these sort of things they're hardwarming yes they are and I have all of them I think you

passed today coming into this room where we where we're recording that Jennifer's plastic tub of

things that she's had all of her life I've saved for her and she's been sitting down in the evenings

now just going through them she found letters that she had written as a college student to my parents

and she was sharing those with me a couple of nights ago and just telling my parents what she was

doing and don't tell mom this but and we were laughing and really enjoying those again those are

some of the gifts that you can give to your grandchildren or your children that they can hopefully

keep forever too I think here's the thing we're talking today about ways to blend grief for gratitude

we're not saying that you are going to eliminate all the grief but we're saying that sometimes

feeling gratitude and allowing gratitude to come into your heart can replace some of the grief

that you may feel it won't take it all but away all away but the one line that I really like that

I heard someone say is you are not broken you are brave and I think that's true and then it takes

a certain amount of bravery to just figure out a different way to do it figure out another way to joy

if joy was getting up in the morning having breakfast with our family for Christmas or for Thanksgiving

or whenever it was if it was warming up apple cider and a little whiskey in it or you know hitting

up the egg knock or whatever that tradition was if you can having on to those traditions is good

if you want to let them go because they're too painful that's good too but you have to be okay

with deciding to release it and with it the energy that keeps you feeling somewhat sad or feeling

grief and I think along that same line that it's okay to refuse invitations during the holidays if

you're really not feeling up to it or if it's something that's going to make you feel sad

instead of happy you say no and you don't have to say no or explain yourself you can if you

want but you can just sometimes say no I'm just not available on that Saturday or no I just won't

be able to join you but I'd love to get together another time for lunch or whatever it is so that

you're just saying no to that particular activity exactly and I think another way to approach it

is if you have a plan and you do want to go out but you don't want to have to stay there if you

do begin to feel regret or you do begin to experience a form of grief is to let the host

just know ahead of time just say I'm going to run by for cocktail I may not stay I'm going to

run by for dessert after dinner and if you have some leftovers maybe I'll have a few of those but

don't set a place for me yes because again we don't want to put them on the line we don't want to

have them think that you're going to come and yes food is too expensive nowadays it's

up a place for you that's true and then you just don't feel like coming so by warning them up front

you can always say I'm just not I'm going to be able to make it but I think I might like to try

to come by for dessert if I can however you'd like to phrase it maybe you want to go ahead of time

I'm going to run by for an hour and then I have to go back home or I have to go to church

or wherever you have to go maybe we can have a cheer or something like that but it's you know the

idea is once again developing a coping strategy and developing a plan so that you are able to cope

and I think that's great and if it's a close friend like I would be able to say to you heady I'm

going to come by but if the Christmas carols become too much for me I don't want to spoil anyone

else's you know happiness so I might just slip out the door if you see me going you'll know what's

going on and you would say okay I got it so that nobody's saying hey where are you going don't leave

now because I put you on the spot so if you can just tell the hostess uh and just slip quietly out

it sometimes works too you know we were talking the other day about also another thing is to create

some new strategies one of the things that we talked about is that at the beginning of you know

if everyone is there and we're going to have dinner and we have experienced loss whether it's the

job the dog the family member whoever it is when we say our blessing when we are or celebrating and

saying how thankful we are for our health the people that prepared the food and just the fact

that we're together if each person takes one moment to say that person's name or to say or to

state what that issue is it's a way of releasing it it's a way of you know putting it out there

and also a way to remember because how do we remember people by saying their name so if you

have experienced and you want to say uh I lost my husband and I'm praying for him or I lost my job

and I'm hoping to get a new one I lost my dog and you know we had to cremate him or her or whatever

just say what it is and at the same time when it comes back around everyone can now say one

thing that they're grateful for but I'm grateful for this so I'm grateful for that or I'm grateful

so now we don't just leave you know the sadness at the table we don't bring that in we also pass

around and share our gratitude as well as our happiness I love that and I love that what you said

earlier about the stories because you know I'm a story person and I just love the fact of maybe

thinking about having everybody share a memory or a story because I actually write little short

vignettes on the computer when something pops in my head about someone in the family I will write it

on the computer real quickly they're not whole stories they're just that moment in time so I've

written all these little moments that I hope to pass to my grandchildren I'd like to be able to

find those old pictures of those people because these are people that were gone from the earth before

my grandchildren came here and I would like to be able to say this was Uncle Bob this was so and so

and they were doing this so that they could connect the look to the the story but some of those

little short vignettes are really cute and they give them a different perspective of grandpa they

only knew grandpa is the old man who sat in the chair or rocked you but grandpa at one time was a

ten year old little boy who got in lots of trouble and had lots of different adventures and craziness

and so I kind of want them to know that whole person that way I know it's so interesting I was

sharing with a friend the other day we were talking about this whole idea of ancestry and holidays

traditions and things like that and I said to her oh have you have you done your ancestry yet

you know looked up your your history and all that she's oh no no I don't want to find out

anything that's bad I don't want to you know know about all that old time stuff and all these people

I said you know that was very interesting to me because you know I love history and I share it

with her I said but what about if you find out good stuff because I'll never forget the story that

my niece told me one time as she talked about how her father-in-law had died and she said he

was such a grumpy old man even his kids didn't even like him and but they all went to the funeral of

course he had a bunch of those kids like eight or nine or ten of them whatever and she said the people

that spoke were people that had known him all of his life people that had worked with him and even

a few veterans that he has served in the military with she said when they started speaking she was like

who are they talking about they told stories of how in the neighborhood how right before Christmas

or Christmas night he would go around to different people's homes and leave toys and things like

that for children that he knew they didn't have that much or how they were given with Jackie at

the job he might get to and take one to a neighbor how during the time in the military I think he had

been in I think the Vietnam War it could have been World War II but that how he had been so brave one

of one of the military men that stood up and said I was in his troop and he did this and he did that

and he guided us out and he saved us all surely he did and she said it just brought about a new

reverence she said all of a sudden she looked at her kids and she's like that's your grandpa they're

talking about and from that time only after she never saw him as this broken old man again she said

he created a new image for her and as a matter of fact on you know on the day when they celebrate

veterans that they actually go to the cemetery now and actually lie something on his grave because

now they have a new story to tell about grandpa and also one story that was told was about how he

hit come back from his heroic act just to be in his uniform and to be spit on by even white people

who didn't respect what he had done and that that might have been a source of some of his pain and

some of his sadness but people people have more than one life absolutely people have three four five

six different acts yes several different lives and the person you know me as at my job may not be

the person that you know me as is my neighbor may not be the person you know me as is my dear friend

or as my relative my sister my brother even my husband or my wife you may not know that side of

me because it's kind of hard to bring all those same personalities and sides into one room yes

so we all have different parts to us and we're all not one thing or the other and I said to her

perhaps by you know learning some of this stuff learning who some of your family members are

getting in contact with them hearing stories about you know an aunt or whatever that maybe you

didn't know about an uncle that you didn't know about I found out for myself about a great my great

grandfather who on his property started the first school for black kids in his area but he let

white kids come to even though a lot of the black people said why would you let them come you

shouldn't let them come and his thing was if we don't they'll burn us down those white people will

never ever let us have something that they don't have access to so the poor white kids got to come

to the school as well because it was the first school in that farming community that existed at

that time and it did up until the sixties even though they had started right back and to turn

into a century the late you know 1890s 1895 around the mayor and it lasted for a very long time so

unwrapping unwrapping of family member unwrapping memories yes unwrapping memories yeah can bring you joy

and it's okay to cry that's one thing I know Eddie and I laugh and talk about that because I'm a

cry baby and I think it's okay sometimes when I'm unwrapping those memories it does bring tears

because it does bring a certain amount of sadness with it and so you can cry and laugh and smile

and remember all at the same time so I get that I didn't quite understand at first when you talked

about grief and joy co-existing but if I think about sitting down looking at pictures listening

the songs that remind me of relatives that have passed on that do cry but I am not I'm not

sobbing out of sadness I'm just crying with that with joy too you're missing them you're missing

them but you're remembering them also which brings joy because you're remembering who they were

and how much fun we had yeah yeah and so and I can see that now I can actually agree with you

and see that grief and joy can coexist agree with me I yeah hey I actually said it on the air

well that's what makes us fun that's what makes our podcast fun because we are really two different

people occupying the same space a lot of the time and we do like to give you point counterpoint

and different ideas on how to do things we're not always in sync just like you aren't at home or

in job or whatever yes people are different I was going to say differences is a huge thing absolutely

and if you have friends that can't get out or don't often get out make sure you invite them out

either to your home as he said or even to lunch or to see a play or to go look at Christmas decorations

sometimes you can even put them in the car just go through the different neighborhoods or the

light displays yeah I know Aurora has which is about 45 minutes away from us they have a beautiful

light display that you can drive through Lincoln Park Zooden yes absolutely you can go down there

and they actually have s'mores and yes things like that out there but you have to walk at Lincoln Park

and it's cold I've done it a lot and it is absolutely beautiful we have Chicagoans you put on your

uh you put on your heavy coat you put on your ear muffs and it is really a lot of fun and if you

can't do all that put on three sets of sweats yes absolutely more than able to get through these

you can you can but uh yeah reach out reach out to others don't don't don't always wait for

someone to reach out to you that I think you can call people up you can talk and visit on the

phone I have many girlfriends that live in different parts of the country some aren't able to

travel anymore so we visit we don't call it a phone call we call it a visit and we actually spend

a couple of hours sometimes on the phone just talking that's really cool because you know

loneliness is a thing it is a real thing yes it is and for some people this time of year can

be triggering yes some people have lost people at this time of year some people have had lost

is their birthday that they've lost people uh right around their birthday or those people's birthday

but there are other things that trigger the loneliness yes absolutely absolutely and so I think it's

just and and also there's also all kind of religious activities no matter what your faith is

that you can also look up find out what's going on in your community

choirs and concerts and musical performances dance performances and not only do you help support

those organizations by attending it also lifts your spirits so you can get a group of girls

and do things like that too look for the free stuff yes that's important look for the free stuff

mean like the hop on and hop off train downtown that costs a few dollars but a lot of organizations

get tickets for free and then also just going down watching the people ice skate in millennial park

and drinking some hot cocoa uh looking at the heparates yes that you can take your children to

you can sit in the Chicago cultural center and walk around or sit in different rooms there and enjoy

your time and and also warm up a little bit look for things to do yes libraries I just attended a

fabulous book discussion at my local library and that was a lot of fun saw neighbors I hadn't seen

in a long time so you were I was able to connect with them and then the local bookstore brought books

over so that we could buy the books and have them autographed by the author right there so there are

a lot of things going on I went to that by myself so sometimes if it's local if it's close

it's okay to venture out by yourself it really is so I think that today when we talk about

unwrapping joy again we're saying that sometimes people have lost their sense of joy their sense

of gratitude and we're asking you to awaken those things inside of you to pick up those mantles and

just carry them on because when you lose your sense of joy don't forget you are not just

setting the pace for yourself you may be setting the pace for others your grandkids other people

let her around you they may start picking up on feelings and not want to feel joy for feeling

that it's going to make you uh feel bad and so they hide their own joy and what we don't want you

to do is to forget your sense of of living your sense of happiness where does it come from and

passing it on sharing it because that's the thing that creates a break in the feelings of loneliness

if you're able to share just some happy times and some togetherness if you're able to think of ways

to to to give think of ways to to do think of places to go think of times even in your own home you

may again sit up and play some old who would who would it be Tony some necking coals some

i'm saying to old people the jacksons or i didn't tell you who has a great

a christmas album christmas album that's the nasa williams oh that's my very favorite one i love her

christmas music i love hers it's it's a great thing to do and if you don't have

but still call him motown too motown christmas i call him right but we all know there's no such thing

anymore but oh yes there are vinyl records and record players yes i have a record player if you

want to play anything i actually have a record player and my son bought it for me because i had

so many lp's remember in the garage he said my mother advised your record player and you can play

some of these on the record player and so i actually do have it i don't use it often but it was

kind of nice to show the grandkids because to them it's like a real foreign object like

i know they think that was like from 200 years ago they have no idea like what and what is this

round thing that you put on there that music you can hear music so it's kind of fun to show them

some of those old things but yeah because they think you're one of those old things yes they do

it's okay i remember i remember time i asked my mom i said did you mom did you did you know that

dancer you all used to do it you go what dance i go you know the charleston i wasn't even born

when the charleston came out yeah i was like really i mean because to me she was ancient yes

to find out that she had not been born and i was like well grandma had to be born to say yeah

grandma was born and grandma was young but i was not born when the charleston came out so i had to

laugh about that but that's where we are in our life today you're absolutely right my

mother's and we are the ones who you know did the twist and i was asking someone the other day they

were playing all this little music did she used to do the push and they said the push i was like

yeah push the dance to push i've never heard of that and so of course i pulled it up and you could

buy it on youtube dances from the 60s and 50s you know killed that row yes due to twist that's another

thing that you can do you can go out there and just do some dancing uh remember some of the old

dances that you used to do teach them absolutely it is so much fun we i belong to a committee in my

sorority and every June we celebrate my committee does a little celebration and program on June

10th and one of the things we did this past year was celebrate like we did a theme around family

reunion and we taught and we had the DJ play all of those dances you're talking about the mashed potatoes

all of that in the jerky ball yes and the Madison all the great people my goodness and we did that

and that was original line dance oh it was it was Madison yes and so we did all of that with the

ladies and of course all of us it's a senior group and so all of us knew and could sing all the

words to those songs when we left that celebration we were all just ringing wet and we had so much

we always ready to go home and fall in the bed but it was fun but with the grandkids or family

members that's another thing that brings joy brings joy and also put some context around it so

like if they see you in an older picture when you were young and i'm like yes that was you

and then you can say well yeah and that during that time that's when we used to do the twist

yes i get this idea oh grandma was kind of sassy or grandpa i was oh he was sharp

i know my kids look at my dad they're like oh dad your dad thought he was cool and i said oh yeah

he was the coolest that was the time when men really dressed yeah they didn't wear their pants drop

down low which is what the the style is today i don't want to think about what the pictures are

going to be like it you know in the future when the kids look back at that and they see those those

pants dropped out like the jailhouse rock or whatever it is that they they say that style originated

in the jailhouses oh wow they were given uh pants that were too big and so they just put them on

and they would drop down around their hips or a little bit below and that's how that that style

i never knew that oh yeah and so now they brought it to the streets and people wear that style and

they some kids embrace it but i always wonder what were those pictures look back when they look

uh back upon them what will they think so who knows what did they think of us and our

dresses i don't know oh yeah and our great big afros kid my grandkids look at me now because grandma

has no air here her is cut very close to her head so they see that afro and they're like what it was

where is that right it's hilarious but whatever you do and however you do it find someone to do it with

or find a place where you can do it and be unto yourself and find peacefulness yes by the time to

remember find a time to write it down or just sit and meditate on it find and develop a way to

create some form of of coping mechanism to get you through the holiday create a strategy in case

someone wants you to come and you really aren't sure that you that you want to go don't forget it's

okay to say no and one of the strategies may be just to offer to do it with them another time

or to come for dessert perhaps later and just remember you are not broken you are brave so

i would say that you should find a way to decorate celebrate without guilt i love that so i would say

cook, laugh, sing, pray and always remember to dance put on your dancing shoes absolutely

until next time thank you for listening and have a happy holiday happy holiday

oh

to dancing with us in the dance of life and brings finding rhythm after 70 in time and space

time and space with every step a new story unfolds in the journey the beauty of aging is told

to dancing with us in the dance of life and brings finding rhythm after all in time and space

with every step a new story unfolds in the journey the beauty of life is told