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Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:06:33
getting involved in Ironman triathlons, CrossFit, lots of different things that I've done has just been that endurance factor. And then most recently, working two jobs, going back to school for my master's, working with clients, doing everything that I've done with four kids to get to all their events, I wanted to show that it's possible, that you can do multiple things, and if you focus on the present moment and you're here, instead of going back to the illusion past. focusing on the future hasn't happened yet, you can actually accomplish a lot.
00:07:05
And it goes back to our last episode, which is you have to make sure you're pouring from a full cup. You need to be able to do this. And one of the things for this is the reason that you might not have a full cup is because you have this belief of silence, which is I'm gonna bottle up all my food and it eventually goes away, which no, that's not how that works because you actually need to let that, it's almost like a pressure bell, right? Like you only have so much. The way I look at this, and I love this analogy,
00:07:36
and I always say it, I have a therapist, was that your body is shelves, a closet. And every experience, and you talk about the invisible book bag, but every experience you hold into it, it comes onto your shelves. You pack them in boxes, you put them in the shelf, and you hold onto it. But it only has so much space. And when you start to shove things in and it's getting full, not taking them out and unpacking them and going through clothes that don't fit you anymore or old clothes or it's not even your style anymore or these clothes that you inherited.
00:08:09
from your family. Correct. Whatever. They're going to start coming out sideways and you're going to open that door, whatever it might be. You stub your toe. Correct. And it's going to come out sideways. It's just going to come falling out and you have no control of what's going to come out of it because you haven't given it the proper release. Correct. And so to me, therapy is like, Hey, I'm going to pull, pull out some of these boxes and I'm dumped on the floor and we're going to sort through them and I'm going to choose, which clothes I'm going to like that I want for my future because that is my style now.
00:08:45
Whatever I, if I inherited something that I agree, like I inherited hardworking, my work ethic from my parents. I want to take that with me because that's something that I want my character to be built on. But this other thing. I don't want this thing because this, this, This is not who I see myself as, and I don't want my kids to see this, and I think that's, what happens. We believe that if we just bottle this up, then it's going to be fine, it's going to be fine. But that's not true. Oh, great. And let me read from Google.
00:09:18
When you're working in a therapeutic modality, it's always in a group, so it's a team. What we do at Grundy and I, a wellness center, is we have collaborative care. So we have Stacy, who is a psychiatric nurse practitioner, she does a full medical evaluation, and then obviously myself as the licensed social worker, we do the psychosocial on this side. But it's collaborative care because we are a team. And if you look on Google with group, a group can significantly impact individual behavior by influencing people to conform to group norms, adopt similar opinions, and even change.
00:09:51
their actions based on behaviors of others around them, leaving the phenomena like conformity, social loafing. So it's a combination of group thinking and group thinking, depending on the group dynamics of the situation. So it's a combination of group thinking and group thinking, depending on the group dynamics, Essentially, individuals often modify their behavior to fit in with the group, whether consciously or unconsciously, which can have both positive and negative effects depending on the group's values and actions. I can understand the stigma of where people would say, well, I don't want to follow the herd. I agree with you. But we're stronger together as a team. We're going to be able to collaborate and help you understand what's going on inside, not for conformity in group settings, but more or less the team setting of where you want to go forward, if that makes sense.
00:10:34
So group can be seen as a stigma because, yes, I mean, I come from a family that was very unique with the way I was raised, and that's a whole different podcast and episode and culture. But I broke free of that. And I realized that there were other groups, there was other teams that I could join that were more effective and aligned with my values and my mission. What we want to create here at Grundy Genoa Wellness Center is how we collaborate on your wellness.
00:11:08
By doing it alone, yes, you can accomplish a lot. And I do think that there's a lot of times in meditation and self-reflection that you can get a lot of answers. At the same time, when we're working together collaboratively as a group, you get information that you subconsciously let out that you're like, holy cow, I didn't know that was there. That's the purpose. That's why we mentor and that's why we coach. And I also think, too, that you can learn all you want on your own.
00:11:38
You can gather all of the knowledge. But the only time that it becomes wisdom is when you put it in practice with relationship to where you are in your community. Correct. Whether it's within your family, within your job, all of those things are a part of your community. And the things that you learn can only be implemented in that relationship. Correct. And? You can change. You can be the transition person and the change maker in that group of conforming. So when you have, like, a situation with my family.
00:12:09
where it was handed down from generation to generation, well, this is how you do things. Well, no. I was the transition person. I said, no, you can do it this way, right? Now, it doesn't make me the rebel that says go scratch. What I did is I proved there is a more effective way, to do things. And guess what? You changed them because you changed them. Right. I have an example of this in my own life. When I moved into Wisconsin, it's a huge thing to drink.
00:12:42
And I came from this community as well, which is also, there's only bars. There's not a lot of stuff because we're not close to the city as much. And when I went there, I was drinking heavily. And I was thinking to myself, this isn't the person I want. But I've come from a long line of alcoholics. that and I was struggling to tell my family members like you're gonna hurt yourself this is gonna end terribly like you're going down the wrong path and going back to the last episode with the Gandhi story I thought to myself like.
00:13:15
how can I tell them what to do when I myself is doing this is what happened with the drinking and this is also what happened my life with eating better like I saw my family members passing away from diabetes and all these things and here I'm pointing the finger being like why are you drinking soda like three fingers are pointing back at me and I'm still drinking soda but just because my numbers on the doctors you know exams are different it's different I'm different they're the ones that need it like change right and then I thought to myself like wait a second I can't give that advice if I'm not gonna do it.
00:13:49
myself and so what did I do I stopped drinking and then all of a sudden my mom my dad like it just trickled down more and more more and more people than people in my life around me people than people around me, Were showing up differently and it was like I was leading that example Which is the next episode that we're going to talk about as well And then the same thing goes with health and wellness when I was working out and eating better I see it rippling out in my family and around me because people don't want to be told what to do They want to see the results and say oh, what are you doing? Did you look happy healthy?
00:14:24
Thriving alive creative vital right all these things that we want to feel Right, how did you do it? Well, and why I read what I did by Google is very simple a lot of people also have the stigma of Going to therapy and working with the group or collaborating because the group they were a part of, I've had enough right and I can speak from experience on that But but here's the thing the blessing I always had in playing two sports in college the blessing that you know when I work with.
00:14:54
kids, The the mental approach to, academics and athletics. You take a baseball team of nine players. The most important person on the defense is your pitcher, because you go how they are going. But at the same time, that pitcher will perform as to how the defense is playing. So it's that interdependence. And I always say this. There's a big difference between independence and dependence. It's called interdependence. What it means is that in interdependence,
00:15:25
I can work with or without you, but at the same time, we're more effective if we work together. So what happens to that pitcher when they see that defense is making great plays, they get that energy and vibe and say, all right, I'm going to be throwing a lot of strikes and getting people out. When the pitcher is throwing strikes and getting people out, then the defense says, all right, we're going to get more plays. Because guess what? He's throwing a gym. It's that vibrational frequency that happens that you don't even need to say a word to, because you're collaborating in that interdependence. That's what we try to create and really want to create here.
00:15:55
at Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center, is that interdependence, where we have them collaborate. where we're working together on what makes you active and successful, and we work on the blocks that are preventing you. And it's, you know what I say, it's like a dance. You dance coincidentally together, you know? You get that energy, you get that vibe, we focus on the things that are weighing you down in that invisible backpack, we get to remove those things, and then we get to figure out, okay, where are we going from here? Because that's what I did when I had my nervous breakdown.
00:16:27
Is this how I woke my kids to know me was the first question. The second thing is, where am I going from here? So then I built a plan. All right, this is how I'm going to reprogram my thinking. This is how I'm going to do things. And it took me 18 long months. That's where the endurance part came in. But after the 18 months, no, but it's worth it. It's not easy, but it's worth it. But it was that collaboration, because I did have coaches in Memphis that I worked with that helped me through and give me suggestions. And when I started veering back off the path to possibly backwards, they said, no, come with me, Adam, this is where you need to go.
00:16:58
And I was like, okay, yes, that was my teammate. You know, so you have to look at the, when it comes to you redefining therapy, you've got to look at it as the group effort, that we're here to collaborate with you, and it's completely confidential, and it's completely, you know, that vibe, that energy, that, okay, we know where you are, and we know you don't want to be there anymore, but let's focus on where we're going, and then we have the accountability piece to endure through it, so that you stay on that path. Yeah. There's three things. One, it just reiterates the fact that therapy is a resource, it's a tool. It's not a last resort, it's not a cure-all, end-all, be-all. It is, in the most powerful sense, a way to reflect, a way to self-discover, a way to understanding.
00:17:48
One thing that I always really liked is it's a reference, it's a measuring stick, right? Right. Where you don't have the terminology, where you don't have what happened to us. and and then we come to therapy and they give us this measuring stick and we say for my whole life I was not measuring up I was not it didn't make sense I felt like I was something was wrong with me but then you gave me this new measuring stick and now I've realized I've been measuring with the wrong units the whole.
00:18:19
time and I think like that how that's what therapy really is it's just a way of like reframing things holding things discovering and understanding stuff and, reflecting on what's happened right right and there's no way through but through you know you take this cup of coffee here and it's let's say it's your problem or one of your problems right you can take this in another room and shut the door out of sight out of mind and it's not there and you're fine but.
00:18:51
what happens when you open that door what's staring in the face the problem the cup of coffee right it's never left it's never left it's probably molding out correct, what if, If you take the cup of coffee and you embrace it, you confront it, you understand why it had an impact on your life, even if you chose that, you made that decision to choose that, how do you learn from it? How do you move from here? You can literally put this anywhere and throw it in the trash and it's no longer existent. Now, it could be part of your museum of history so you can remember it and you can go back and say, I learned from it, but it's not going to have the effect that it could have if you.
00:19:27
don't confront it. Because if you put it in another room, and that's what we do psychologically, we just put it in another room and store it, you're not confronting it. You've got to confront it. That's why I always say, the only way through is through. And that's where, when we do a Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center, we have that collaboration in the group where we work with you on how to confront that so that it's finally done, and we move forward. Okay. So then, this brings to the third stigma of this, right? Which is, as much as we...
00:19:58
We shouldn't care about other people. say think and say and perceive us there is this fear that if my kid or I go to therapy and I say the scary dark thing that I'm unlovable or worse right getting in trouble consequences right of what like because trauma is trauma like trauma isn't necessarily this nice neat package what you see on TV where people can work it doesn't work that way right so like it's scary to say like oh I'm.
00:20:33
gonna take my kid here and I don't know I have no control over what they say about me or what's happening or whatever how do you how do we reconcile that like that that's a big deal so you're saying it's an adult comes here and they need help or or a kid comes here anybody really therapy because like you're I'm worried I'm worried about what if my kid says something to you that I don't, about or even if I were to go to my own therapist and say some of the like.
00:21:09
traumas that I've had like it's still I'm still worried about what's being perceived right because it's not they're not cute little packages you know I mean they're they're scary dark things that happen in this world and that's a scary scary thing so I always like to start off with this if I were to hand you a wheelbarrow could you go outside and fill it up with trauma absolutely but I mean seriously could you take trauma literally no what because it's not.
00:21:42
physical matter it's not tangible it's not physical trauma is our reaction to things right it's how we perceive things trauma is actually our emotional reaction to what's happened to us now why is that important, Because if you're a kid or you're a parent who's experienced something that has caused trauma inside of you, how do you expect to learn from it, move forward from it, if you don't work through it, particularly with somebody else, right?
00:22:25
It's difficult. So what you're doing is you're putting that invisible bat back. And all you're doing is on like a hamster on a wheel, speed dial. Your brain is circulating and recycled the trauma that you've experienced through different events in your life. And then when somebody triggers that, boom, your emotional response to that trauma is now coming up. And you're like, what just happened? Now as a parent, you're going to watch that and say something's not right, right? Wouldn't you as a parent want them to come and talk to somebody?
00:22:59
You're going to want them to come and talk to somebody. To finally let that out and learn how to learn from it and transform it into something much more resourceful. I would. Right? Because here's the thing. What's going to happen is you're going to put that in your invisible backpack as a big novel because it's traumatic. And then you're going to keep storing other things and other things. And then sooner or later that's what led to like me at 26, the nervous breakdown. Now how effective was I? I wasn't. I was in a hospital bed. A two-year-old kid could have beat me up.
00:23:31
That's how ineffective and incapacitated I was. Because I was literally holding on, mental constipation, holding on to shit. Right? So when it comes to any kind of trauma, we've got to work with them on first of all unraveling it to where it began. And then from there, okay, it happened. How do we put... we're not going to change that that's that's not but we can put new frames on all pictures.
00:24:06
we can look at it in a different way different ways that's when they're first of all when they're able to be heard and second of all when they're able to put new frames on the old pictures that's when the healing and even though it's never going to probably go away because it happened if we can deal with it in different ways it makes us more effective to go to the next level and then when life happens to us and guess what life's going to continue to happen we're able to respond in.
00:24:39
more effect by us not acknowledging that our kids are acting up and something's going on it's going to be difficult for them to change because remember and we don't want them to do something, Because they've never confronted me, if that makes sense. Okay, I like this. I've always said that trauma isn't about experiencing pain.
00:25:13
It's about experiencing pain alone and not being able to deal with it or have a place to release it. And I feel like that's the thing, is that we as humans, all of us, are going to experience pain. We're going to experience these things throughout our whole lives. But it's about dealing with it in real time and unpacking the stuff that we weren't able to deal with in real time. And then going forward. Because I personally, in my own life, have known that through therapy, as stuff happens, I'm able to take it in stride.
00:25:53
A survival brain, a brain with trauma, it becomes... Catastrophized. There's a lot of thinking errors that come from a traumatized brain that can't handle things in real time in life because they have so much in their backpack. And I think that that's the key. But I have two things. One, what if a parent who's listening to this right now is saying, yeah, but what if the trauma, like I could have stopped it.
00:26:29
or there's guilt or there's remorse or there's fear of consequences. to whatever comes out in therapy. Because you can't always be around when your kid's around. You can't always protect them. And so it's scary to have that sense of uncertainty and lack of control. So when you say consequences, for the audience to understand what you mean, when you say there's consequences from therapy, what do you mean by that? So what if there's like... There's a trauma that happens.
00:27:00
and could cause, I don't know, like consequences, like legal consequences or ramifications, suspensions, expulsions, I mean, there's a lot of things that could happen if the trauma that has happened or the experience that has happened comes up. Yeah, well, and it's a valid challenge because obviously people are always thinking from the legal aspects and, you know, the ramifications and the ripple effect, right?
00:27:37
I really feel the focus in that case should really be on getting that person healed, right? The focus should be not on the consequences or the ramifications or anything like that, it should be on, especially if one of them was a child. These are the future. These kids are the ones that are going to make the biggest impact on a boy. Don't we want them to be able to heal themselves by confronting traumas and confronting the things that have impacted their lives?
00:28:15
If you look at a lot of what's going on in the world today, it's triggered trauma. It's stuff that adults are reacting to because they had stuff happen to them in their childhood particularly. That were never confronted. That were in their backpacks forever and they still carry it around. Correct. And when they get to that triggered moment where it's the breakdown and they just go, there's no reasoning.
00:28:47
You look at a lot of the tragedies that happen, things that are happening in the news, and I'll particularly have to list them. A lot of these... were bullied severely, and they had other things they probably never told anybody. Right, now I'm not trying to justify what happened by any means, but what I'm saying is that wouldn't you as an adult, wouldn't you as a parent, wouldn't you as someone want to say, let's get them out?
00:29:19
I know as a therapist, as a coach and a mentor, my job and my role is to help them heal themselves. I say help them because inevitably they're doing the healing by them. It's, you know, yes, as a mandated reporter, there's things that you have to report. If we have to get the child protected. With that, I feel that our role is to work with them on their healing because we want them going into the world to be who they came here to be.
00:29:52
So I understand that from parents who are worried about that, but at the same time, if you want to change the world. Then we've got to change the direction of what happens, with therapy, Which means let's work on their healing. Let's work on getting them better Let's get them into we want to create a new world that we've got to do it through, Right and it just I think if I would say to that parent what we're not lawyers. We're not judges. We're not juries.
00:30:23
We're coaches and mentors and people to help what they and behavior Your changers we want to create an emotional tie mental tie to new behaviors so that it's not, Rippled out absolutely and mandating reporting is basically, If there's abuse neglect or or someone's gonna hurt themselves or someone else like that is the thing, We're not in, The old back in the day this happened and like we're not judges. We're not that's the stuff and like.
00:30:58
I think it's really important, to remind like we're working on the mind right and the emotion so that the behaviors can shift and transform whether it's better getting better in school reducing their disciplinary consequences to you know you know acting out right those kind of things because that's like the what really shifts when you start doing therapy and counseling but then oh did you have one this leads to the thing of you keep saying triggered emotions and what if someone's like well I don't have.
00:31:31
trauma it doesn't come out I don't get triggered this is such just like a catch word you know right now that everyone's flinging around and I think that like what do you say like what is a triggered emotion what does it look like in real situations well with kids I can tell you I always give this example if you're walking outside, your front door you see a bagel tiger that would be a reason for fighter flight, Meaning like, holy cow, here's my front porch,
00:32:02
there's a tiger. Now, we have two options of fight or flight. You run back in the house, or you grab something to battle, right? That is fight or flight. But if you get that same reaction from a child because you shut down their TikTok, now we have a problem. That's showing me that there's some sort of trauma or something that's happened to them, or there's something that they refuse to acknowledge as far as the discipline aspect, because they're acting the same way in freaking out in fight or flight, just because you shut down their TikTok.
00:32:35
Right? So when you talk about trigger emotions or trauma or not, okay, that's fine, you're an adult. I didn't have trauma. Okay, I'm not here to say you didn't. You can't put it on a wheelbarrow. Right? But what I can tell you is is that you do have an invisible backpack. You have had things happen to you, whether you cycled, whether you subconsciously or consciously remember them or not. Or you even labeled them with trauma. Correct. As trauma. Right. And I don't, you know, we hear the word bullying a lot, too, right? I get it, because parents, a lot of times, when they bring up bullying, they roll their eyes.
00:33:09
Okay, no problem. I mean, by all aspects, I was bullied a lot as a kid, but I don't look at it like that. I just look at it as part of my journey, and it made me stronger and tougher. Now, interestingly enough, when I became a parent, which you don't know how to become a parent to become a parent, I realized with my first two kids that, obviously, a lot of the things that were triggering me were coming out in the way I was parenting them. My reactions, my overreactions to things. So I always say my second two kids are differently parented than my first two, because I was learning how to be a parent, plus I was learning how to confront those in their lives as well. So understand that that's why we do the group here, is parents, too, would suggest, come on in, and here's why.
00:33:45
Do you want to hand down what's happened to you and your kids? Even if it happened 20, 30 years ago, right? What we want to do is confront it. Why? Don't you want to be the most effective person you can be? Not just a parent, a person. You want to be the most effective person you can be, and you want to be the most effective person you can be. We can help you unravel that backpack so that you're not allowing things that can normally trigger you into an emotional reaction that you're not satisfied with. So that's what I always talk about when it comes to, okay, fine, I don't have trouble. I'm not going to argue with you.
00:34:15
But what I will say is that we all have an emotional backpack and an invisible emotional backpack that we've buried things in that we've never confirmed. Yeah. And I think to that point is that if you are a parent and something sets you off, that really in 10 minutes, 20 minutes, a day, 5 years isn't really going to matter, then suffice to say you're probably triggered. Right. And it probably is not the fact that they're not brushing their teeth on the third time that they've asked.
00:34:50
Correct. That you've asked. I think, yeah, that's correct. And yeah, that you're impatient because you're on a deadline. Correct. But ultimately, it's there. some other thing that's beneath that which is maybe you woke up late and that made you very angry and anxious and now it's rippling towards other things or it comes out in a lot of different ways but things like impatience and frustration one of the things that I talked with my mom as a kid that she was constantly impatient and frustrated and those two emotions together.
00:35:24
in my mind became disgust intent I felt that I was her problem that I was the fault for this disgust like I was disgusting because I couldn't get my stuff together and I'm four years old right like because I I was so excited about something else I couldn't brush my teeth in time and like if you think about those two frustrations that that those two emotions on your face doesn't it look like disgust doesn't and do you want your kid to feel disgusted, like or that you contempt that you just hate that they are existing right now.
00:36:00
Like you don't want to put that on there because you don't know how a kid is interpreting that when really yeah You're impatient. You're frustrated, and that's a normal thing to experience But kids don't have a way to externalize stuff They're only internalized because that's what they do at their age and what their brains are, Developed as and so that really sucks, so it if you're learning patience and Ease and calm and trying to work through those things that's going to translate to them so that they can, experience the world without your.
00:36:33
Emotions clouding whatever they're experiencing right, and I think that I'm not saying that that's a problem And you should never be impatient or frustrated. It's a recurrent thing and I think that it's like over time It's not just like oh one time. I was frustrated and impatient or a couple times. I've been it's a repeated constant thing and if you're, impatient frustrated and it's probably because your bandwidth is taking up which is, what we were talking about in the last episode, and I think that that's important to realize,
00:37:04
like, everyone can benefit from therapy, and, like, it should be normalized, yeah, maybe it is this, like, fad that seems to be going on around right now, but the reason it's a fad is because it is helpful, it's worth it, because why wouldn't we want to show up more in gratitude, and joy, and laughter, and engaging with life, and, like, not trying to escape or avoid a life that we built, because we have control over building it. Absolutely, well, and again, let's build for the.
00:37:36
future from the present. If you stay in the past, you're bringing a familiar past, and you're predicting a future with it, but if you get in the present after confronting what's been holding you back, and what's been in your invisible backpack, when you confront it, you can be present, and by being present, now you can create a new future. Yeah, and I think the last thing, we can come around to, is when we're normalizing therapy, if you don't want to use the word therapy, You can think of it as self-discovery or understanding or coaching or mentoring because we all have those things where we have these examples, which will be our next episode, leading by example.
00:38:11
We have all these role models that we have, like how can I be like my role model or how I can be a role model for my kids? And what better thing to do than utilize the tools that help you understand how you can do things better and more efficient and build the character so that when you are leveling up as a parent or as a kid, that you can get the most health points, that you can have the most fulfilling, satisfying time and be able to take things in stride.
00:38:42
Yep, that's why I'm known as Coach Adam because I just, I want to be a coach and hang out and talk to you and understand you and, you know, help you and guide you to where you want. Yeah, and our website should be up by now and you can submit your own questions by email. Or there's an anonymous section where you can add specific questions, topics, problems, experiences, situations that you would like us to help. Or if you have questions, we can have a frequently asked questions episode.
00:39:14
Whatever you need, we're here for you. We're here to better our own individual minds and transform our community so that we can all have a better future. Absolutely. Until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center's Capes and Conversations. We are a not-for-profit 501c3. All donations and sponsorships will be utilized to serve those who may need it and our services through collaborative care with our psychiatric nurse practitioner and or our clinical social workers, yet are unable to afford it.
00:39:48
If you would like to sponsor these services, donation links are in the show notes on our website and at our social media outlets. If you have any topics of conversations or questions. That we should talk about. please contact us and if you choose, you will remain anonymous.