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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over:
Speaker 2:Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:We have emails today. We have a review on iTunes that says, when I first started listening to systems speak, I was studying trauma in grad school while I was working on increasing my professional counseling skills. Thanks to hearing from a variety of MS system plus speakers on a range of topics, I have gained an ability to connect with my new dissociative disorder diagnosis. Oh, I'm so glad it was helpful. Thank you for sharing your story.
Speaker 1:This one says, We have the Bozzos System and we consist of 24 alters counting, and this is my favorite podcast. Your voice is very comforting and I love your podcast. Oh, that's so kind. This one says, we are a very newly discovered system and the host is having a really hard time coming to terms with the diagnosis and it's really overwhelming for her. These episodes give all of us some insight and it's very comforting to know we are not alone.
Speaker 1:They sometimes cry at the end when she listens because it is so familiar and friendly and informative and lovely. So thank you so much from all of us. Oh, you guys are so encouraging. This one says, Thank you. This podcast is incredible.
Speaker 1:I've sent it to my therapist, my sisters, my best friend, and I find myself referencing it in conversations about healing all the time. I've been meaning to write to you for a long time to say thank you for everything you've contributed to my healing journey. I've been learning about trauma, mine and in general, for most of a decade, but the information you distill in your interviews and conference recaps has been life changing. The way you present academic research alongside your lived experience as a DID system is incredibly dynamic and powerful. You were born to do this work and I hope it has been as rewarding for you as it is useful for us.
Speaker 1:I hope you know how many lives you have touched and improved with your work. We love you. Oh, that just makes me cry. I just thanks, guys. Ms.
Speaker 1:Winn says, I'm trying to understand how trauma affects the mind. My partner has had a lot of trauma in his life and this podcast has helped us understand and recognize dissociation and helps us on the path towards healing. We still have much to learn together, but this podcast has brought me personal comfort, information, and hope. Thank you for your clear, bold voice, your knowledge, your candor, and your fierceness. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1:This one says, this podcast has many interviews with top, top experts in the field of trauma. It's so interesting to listen to. I don't have DID or any related condition, and I still find it fascinating. If you are interested in the brain and neuroplasticity, you may be interested in this. Someone else says, I am engaged to an alter within a system who is still discovering themselves.
Speaker 1:And so far, this podcast is showing to be very helpful with me learning to understand them. Oh, I'm so glad. This one says, I am a trauma therapist and this podcast is such a unique resource for helping me understand experience of DID in greater depth. I truly believe that listening to this podcast has made me a better therapist. What a brave system and a beautiful family.
Speaker 1:Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I love when we hear from clinicians as well. I'm so glad people are listening and that we can improve care for everyone. This one says, these people are learning and growing so fast it is an inspiring and wonderful privilege to be let in on. Some episodes are intensely hard and painful, but I never come away feeling burdened or helpless because of the brave hard work of growth is so palpable.
Speaker 1:I know that I can trust them to take care of themselves and over time to use whatever is available and even the hardest, most unfair things to learn and move forward and heal. I learned so much from them, and I am grateful. Oh my goodness. Your words, people. Your words.
Speaker 1:This one says, amazing. This podcast is so important for mental health, full of information, vulnerability, and respect. And this one, good and kind and brave. Thank you for giving such space to your hard work. I am more brave and less alone because of your words.
Speaker 1:I have reached for more support even as a fearful professional because I know I'm not alone. Thank you. Oh my goodness, peoples. My heart, my heart. Serenity shared.
Speaker 1:Episode two thirteen, Conference Review, Societal Dissociation, ISSTD Part two. I want to thank you for sharing this episode specifically. I learned so much from each and every one of your podcasts, but this one, wow. This one said what I've been trying to say to my therapist these past three years. Number one, normal grounding skills do not work for me.
Speaker 1:It's a hit or miss every time. And two, even the good experiences I have now that I am out of the abuse are overwhelming and still frightening. I trigger myself when I try to receive the context of these good experiences, even if it's as simple as a positive compliment. Oh, and then they share some more personal things. Therapy, trauma, drama.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry it's been hard for you as well and such a bumpy road. And then they said, I joined the ISSTD virtual conference in 2022 or 2021 and learned there's therapists for complex childhood and adult trauma that specifically deal with dissociative disorders. I learned how to become my own advocate, and I am now working with a specialist. Then they say where? I'm not gonna read that.
Speaker 1:She noticed regression since I first came to her office, and when I finally opened up about an internal experience I wasn't allowed to ignore, she said all this stuff that's become extra hard is because I'm actively repressing the only coping skill my brain has to navigate through life. And then they talk about some of the work they've done in therapy, which is just incredible, and I'm so grateful. They said, I feel validated that I'm not a bad client because I can't catch on to the things that won't that work for everyone else, That there's research to say I legitimately can't catch on because it's not a part that was installed in my circuitry. I am missing parts, and my brain has learned to function without them. I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing that after decades of knowing I was different and not being able to fix me and more so since therapy and especially since all those grounding work is designed for fixing dissociative episodes.
Speaker 1:It's nice to know that my feeling is not because I'm too stupid or too broken to be fixed, fixed, but that I legitimately don't have the wiring to be fixed in that way. A machine doesn't fail because it can't do what it's not programmed for. The program not matching the expected outcome means there's nothing to compare in the way of success or failure. It simply cannot do what it's not designed to do. Where the former thinking is disempowering and shameful, this new sentence, the new thought process of not having those parts installed is validating, liberating, hopeful, and empowering.
Speaker 1:Thank you again so much for bringing all of that to light, and I'm not even done with this particular episode. Your work is phenomenal. Thank you for sharing your journey and helping so many of us along the way. Oh, I'm so glad it's been so helpful. That's amazing.
Speaker 1:What a story. I love hearing your stories, and I love reading your stories. That's just fantastic. Serenity, if you ever wanna share that on the podcast, let me know. Charlotte says, I wanted to send thanks to Demi and Thales for sharing their experiences in the persecutor to protect your podcast.
Speaker 1:We've been going down this road for a while now, which has been back and forth experience and seems to be at a turning point of some kind, kind of like still motion or freeze fame right now, leaving us to think something is going to come out at therapy this week. Anyway, your sharing was really helpful and comforting and helpful. Thank you. Oh, look at you all learning all these things and working together and helping each other and sharing. I love it so much.
Speaker 1:Cordelia shares. Hello. I've been listening to the podcast and wanted to send you a heartfelt message to thank you, but I also feel somewhat like I'm sending a letter into memory time because I'm still back at episode 180 at the beginning of the pandemic. Oh my heart, put your seat belt on. That's all I got to say about that.
Speaker 1:We come out okay in the end. Don't give up on us. So for now, I just wanted to say thank you. Your sharing has helped me in so many ways over and over. You say the things I needed to hear, and I'm so grateful for your sharing all of your stories and the parts of yourself.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Oh, thank you for sharing. They also said, in the episode I'm currently listening to, you mentioned that your sons with autism often yell and how that can be a trigger. I have a daughter with severe ADHD who often seeks stimulation by trying to get a reaction, And that is a really hard situation to navigate at times in wanting to provide attunement and meet her needs, but also protect myself and my own needs and boundaries. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:No joke. This is no joke. They said, her unpredictable behavior often triggers parts of me that have memories of unpredictable parental behavior that scared us in the past. It was really validating to hear someone else navigating a similar situation as a parent. So I really appreciate you sharing that.
Speaker 1:I also really just love hearing about your kids all around. The conversations that your family has around emotions really warm my heart and give me such good ideas for being a better parent myself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. And I I I just oh, I don't know what we got ourselves into. I can't even. It is the hardest thing I've ever done.
Speaker 1:That's all I can say about that. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I hope that we're doing some good somewhere. Because when you're in the trenches, you really can't see that, and that's all I'm gonna say. So this says, so insightful, doctor Dan Siegel.
Speaker 1:Okay. So I don't think that's Dan Siegel writing to me that I am insightful. I think someone listened to that episode, and they're saying he was insightful. Insightful. So I'm glad that was helpful.
Speaker 1:I didn't understand that. Cordelia writes again, the Bogart episode. Oh my goodness. I feel so feisty towards this person. I so appreciate your honesty and the husband's honesty around hard topics.
Speaker 1:To me, a big part of being authentic and developing trust with the listeners is sharing all those parts of DID, and you shared in a way that was still respectful and fully appropriate. Oh, she's talking about Iris. Oh, my heart. How could any of us trust you if you hid away important parts of the experience? You would feel fake, and it would bleed into the experience.
Speaker 1:Trauma survivors are fine tuned to sense that kind of thing. Right? That's so true. And I think that's why we have taken some risks sometimes because it's part of our particular journey, even though not everyone else understands it. If you don't like the episode or you don't understand it, you know what?
Speaker 1:Don't listen. Skip it. Like, I have learned this. I have the power to say this now, and I'm just not gonna worry about it anymore. Because the more I try to do the community or the podcast or my family even in ways everybody else keeps telling me, why aren't you doing it this way?
Speaker 1:Why don't you do it this way? Shouldn't you do it because Because I have an education and an experience, and I'm doing my best based on that. And when you go to college for fifteen years, you can tell me how to do it better. When you have been a therapist for thirty years, you can tell me how to do it better. And until then, trust me.
Speaker 1:And if you don't wanna trust me, that's cool, but you don't have to be here. And if you're not comfortable, you do you. Go start your own thing. Go find a different thing. Figure out what works for you.
Speaker 1:You have so many choices in the world, but what I have learned is that it is not my responsibility to be all of those choices for you. Whoo. Getting all feisty up in here. So Cordelia says, and it was validating to me to hear that someone else who works and has a family can also still experience those tough feelings. Yes.
Speaker 1:So often people portray those things as mutually exclusive, which isn't based on reality at all. I understand that this person has her own experience that developed her view. But for me, I don't feel like you let us or ISSTD down. I feel like you held us up. You know what?
Speaker 1:Someone pointed this out in the community. I don't know if this was recorded or not. Maybe it was a groupies. I'm not sure. But someone pointed this out to me, and I actually really appreciated it, and I didn't even notice it in the moment.
Speaker 1:Maybe it was Brooks who said it? I'm not sure. But I didn't even catch it in the moment, but it somehow stuck in my brain. And now I've written it down in my journal because I keep coming back to this in peace and coming back to it and coming back to it. And they said they don't even remember, like, 2020.
Speaker 1:I'm always like, oh, it was such a dark season because we were struggling. And that is true, And that is valid. And I don't apologize for that because it was real and it is authentic. But you know what? They pointed out that the rest of the world was struggling too and that they don't even remember that season of the podcast.
Speaker 1:I mean, dissociation, so there's that. But that they don't even remember the podcast being particularly dark because the whole world was dark at that time. And so that just settled in me. Somehow, I found peace with it in that well, not in that moment because I didn't catch it until later. But somehow, I have worked myself to a place of peace about that, about those dark podcasts and the struggle and all that grief work and everything because those losses were real.
Speaker 1:And there were other people in the world struggling who with real things and real layers, and it's something we all share in our humanity. And you know what? I'm I'm I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. And I know that I did my best, and I feel like my intent is good, and I am learning.
Speaker 1:Maybe this is part of me healing as we continue working through religious trauma issues. But you guys, I I just don't think I'm a bad person anymore. I mean, I don't think anymore that I'm a bad person. I think I'm human. I think I make mistakes.
Speaker 1:But I think I'm doing my best. And I'm okay with doing my best, and I'm okay with just flowing with that. Like, I feel like, maybe for the first time in my life, that that's enough. And so I'm just okay with that. Cordelia says, if someone gets hit by a car and breaks their leg, we don't tell them not to dump on us by talking about their leg.
Speaker 1:And we don't blame them for breaking their leg. And we need to treat trauma wounds similarly, or we're adding more wounds of misattunement. Yes. Preach. And so I fiercely wanna defend against this person's idea that you harm your children or that you have caused us problems by sharing hard things.
Speaker 1:I have a master's degree in early childhood education. You do all the things I have learned that a parent should do. Plus, you have taught me a great many more things that my degree left out. I aspire to parent like you every time my kids melt down with feelings, which is often. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:I seriously had a child scream at me for two hours over Zoom because I'm here. I'm out of town. I'm living in a different place for this deployment, for work, for my life, for sorting all this, and they are doing great, but we're Zooming a lot. Like, what is that? Zarenting?
Speaker 1:Is that what it's called? I said that in CLE group. Like, if you're parenting on Zoom, is that what it's called? Like, what? Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:But, yes, for two hours. But you know what? By the end of the evening, everybody was okay because we stayed with it. We stayed present. I didn't just, like, knock it off.
Speaker 1:You whatever. Whatever. Like, nothing from the past came out of me. Just being present with them, holding space with their feelings, regulating until they could regulate, co regulating to get you guys, I did it. I rocked it.
Speaker 1:It took ages. It took all my spoons. I'm exhausted. But they are the child, and I am the parent. And so you know what?
Speaker 1:That's how it's supposed to be. And I'm not doing it all by myself. The husband, I I'm letting him struggle a bit, not in a punitive way or in a shaming way, but when I'm working, I'm working, and I cannot parent at the same time. And so he's doing his thing, and he's doing a fantastic job, and we're doing this coparenting, serial parenting, parallel parenting, all of the above, some kind of combination of that. And do you know what else I did speaking of setting boundaries?
Speaker 1:And forgive me if I already told you this, but I'm super proud of it. So I keep telling everybody because I'm so proud of myself. Today, the issue with my son was something I could help with. It was going to take time, but really I was okay and he was going to be okay and we both knew this. But the other day, he was not okay.
Speaker 1:He was in crisis. And the husband was texting me and like, he's in crisis. I need to talk to you. When are you available? And I finally, I was like, listen, if he's in actual crisis, then you don't call me.
Speaker 1:You call his therapist because his therapist is the one who takes care of the crisis. That's why we have a therapist. I cannot save the world. And I have resigned from that position. I have retired from that position.
Speaker 1:And you know what? I'm going for a lovely walk. And that may have even been the day that I went to pride here. They had pride in the park, and I went. And I had so much fun, and it was a gorgeous day, and the smoke was blowing the other way.
Speaker 1:So it was clear for a little bit, and I could breathe. So I wanted to be outside without it hurting my eyes or my lungs or being all triggery or scary or ugh, those of you who are in the line of fire literally know what I'm talking about. And so it was just gorgeous. And I had this lovely afternoon. And you know what?
Speaker 1:By the time I got home, my son was fine because he had help. The husband was there. He has a therapist. She talked to him for a long time. He used his skills.
Speaker 1:Like, he got there, and I'm so proud of him. But also, I have learned or am learning that I can care for my children well in a way that is healthy for all of us, I do not have to care for my children in a way that is at the expense of myself. And that, my friends, is Trixie. So Trixie. Anyway, I'm sorry, Cordelia.
Speaker 1:I've interrupted you so many times. Cordelia says, I know I'm still sending messages into the past because I'm so far behind on the podcast, but a message like what this woman sent to you can really sting and haunt a person for a long time even though she meant it out of care. So I still wanted to defend against those words in case they ever pop back up in your mind. Your kids are so, so lucky to have you. Let me tell you, the first time I read this, I bawled.
Speaker 1:I could not read it on the air because I just read e I just read my emails from my friend, Elle. I just read those and cried for hours. So I could not do that again today. I could not. And so I the first time I read this, I just wept, and it was so helpful.
Speaker 1:And actually, it was very recently after what happened with seasons and after some other things that were difficult in the community. And you guys, this summer, that just about did me in. I was like, okay. We did this experiment. It's not working.
Speaker 1:People don't want what I have to offer so they can get what they want somewhere else, and I'm out. Like, it was so close. But also what I realized is that the people who know me and who get to know me and the people who know how to be in groups and the people who know how to be healthy and follow those safety concerns and express things directly and in healthy ways, they make beautiful groups. And we go deep and we have fun and we cry and we laugh and we support each other. And that's why I'm there.
Speaker 1:And that is worth being there for. So as people kind of come and visit and realize it's not their thing and they leave, I'm always sad to see them go. But also, it's Okay if it's not a match. Like, again, I don't have to save the world. And so learning to just let them go and do my thing and continue with it well and being happy and healthy in that way, it feels kinda good.
Speaker 1:It feels kinda good. Right? So, anyway, thank you, Cordelia, for all your encouragement. Your messages were so kind and perfect timing. I needed them so much and printed those out.
Speaker 1:Becky says, dear system speak, I have so often thought of writing you. I have been very moved by everything every one of you has shared, and I have learned so much from all of you and all of your guests. Your episodes have kept me company on my long runs while marathon training. Wow. Go you.
Speaker 1:Good job, Becky. Everybody just I seriously, we just need to cheer Becky for a minute. That's amazing. I have grown such an admiration and fondness for you all over the years. And as a professional opera singer woah.
Speaker 1:And as a professional opera singer, I especially love anytime you share music. Oh, you are so gracious, Becky. I would like to apologize in advance. I was listening to the most recent episode, emails, I'm a b. Oh, goodness.
Speaker 1:And I was absolutely astounded to hear that you had so much criticism from someone. I have been extremely impressed with everything you've shared, and I had forgotten completely about the deaf component, so mind blown. When I heard this episode, I knew it was finally time to reach out. I know from listening to the rest of the episode that you don't need my or anyone else's validation. Hey.
Speaker 1:Right? Like, doesn't that feel good? Even though also connecting with others and receiving support is important lessons, and I'm working on that, it also feels good to be okay without it. Right? Becky says, but I wanted to give it anyway.
Speaker 1:Aw. And above else, I am perhaps most impressed at your very strong and courageous response to keep making music, to keep sharing this outlet, and to truly not care what anyone else thinks. As a performer, I all too often care way too much about what people think of me. This is something that does not serve me or the audience at all. So thank you for this lesson and all the other lessons.
Speaker 1:You continue to be an inspiration to me. And then they say where they're from, which I'm not gonna read on the air. But, oh, Becky, my heart. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you. This means so much to me, not just because of the music, although that's fun. Right? Oh, it's like a groupie got a groupie. But this is so special because, you guys, when someone is struggling or having a hard time or adapting or learning the rules, I don't at all mind taking the time to share them or to spend time with them or take care of them.
Speaker 1:And sometimes we get it wrong. It is very hard to read all of the emails from the podcast. And there are times that keeping the community safe is very hard and very painful. And there are times it's really hard not to take that personally. When someone is wanting to learn or needing support, I don't mind holding space for that.
Speaker 1:And I think it's really important that we do in safe ways. But also, some people's stuff is just their stuff. And sometimes their stuff doesn't even actually have anything to do with us, even if we're the ones who brought it out. And let me say this as well, that part of therapy is actually bringing that nastiness out. Right?
Speaker 1:Like, it's like cleaning the infection out of a wound, and it's nasty, and it's not fun. But the wound is not the person. And so even if it's someone who's leaving the community or if someone isn't sure if they're a good fit or even if they don't like the podcast, you know what? That's okay. They are taking care of themselves.
Speaker 1:They are keeping themselves safe. They're trying to make a difference in the world in their own way. And the wound is not the person. And the nastiness that comes out of a wound is not the person. And we want that nastiness to come out.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't like it when it comes at me, but we want it to come out so that they can heal. And that nastiness, even when it does come at me, it's my wound either. I've got my own wounds. And so I think that's one thing that's been fun, not fun, like, woo hoo, but fun as in fascinating and liberating is learning that that's part of boundaries. That boundaries are sometimes not just about what I want or don't want, but also about who they are and who I am and the difference between us.
Speaker 1:And that's okay. That's okay. Becky, I loved your email so much. You were very brave to write in. Thank you for sharing truly.
Speaker 1:And I have printed that one to keep in my bullet journal as well. Thank you so much. This email comes from a therapist. They said one of my clients who has been reading your workbook had some parts integrate. Oh, interesting.
Speaker 1:So I don't wanna read the details of it, but they talk about how they use some of the skills they learned from the workbook for some really specific situations. And they said, if the trauma gets triggered out of the container, we work together to address it. For now, they are empowered, which is a huge win and what is most important. Please add this to your folder of positive impacts. Keep working hard because you guys are making a difference.
Speaker 1:I see the positive impacts in my clients on a regular basis. That email also made me cry. You guys, like, I need a whole new folder now of the good things that you all say that are encouraging and helpful to keep us going, especially after this summer when it would have been very probably the second the second time in the history of the podcast where I almost quit because it was too hard. And I am grateful for your words. I am grateful for your emails.
Speaker 1:They mean so much to me. I can't even tell you. When we go back to the community, there's a post that just sort of stays up and new members when they come into the community, they see it. And it asks the question, what is your favorite System Speak podcast episode, and why do you love it so much? And we've had new members who shared.
Speaker 1:Anna and friends said, I just found your podcast a few weeks ago and started listening in order, but today, I skipped ahead to moon knighting. I loved it because it gave me new insights into both DID and the show. Well, that's super fun. This system said episode 25 with Jeff Clark talking about the patchwork quilt really meant the world to us. We found it while we were going through a very rough patch where we felt very difficult in relationships and were struggling to maintain connection with the people we care about.
Speaker 1:And this episode made us feel so uplifted and helped us understand that people still value us even when we feel difficult to care about. Oh my goodness. I can't tell you how many times I hear this or feel it, where we feel like we are too much or too hard or too difficult because other people have not known how to help us or have not tended to us or have not understood what we are going through. And all of that misattunement feels like shame. And it's more relational trauma.
Speaker 1:Right? So I feel this email so much, and I get it. I get it. I think we all feel this. Anne shared, I just started listening to System Speak.
Speaker 1:Emma's first couple of episodes were really resonating with how I feel. Oh, I'm glad that's helpful. Sophie said, I'm just getting started with the podcast, and I've only listened to the first five episodes. I drive thirty minutes to work every day and another thirty minutes home, and I'm loving the podcast. Well, my friend, you've got some driving to do.
Speaker 1:So much. Oh, I'm glad it's helpful. Anne shares, anytime Jean Marc is on, even though the heartbreaking, especially the last few years, he is so dear and caring for others in this system. Also unboxing ourselves and mother hunger. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:I should talk about this more in groupies, but yes, about Jean Marc. And I'm so glad he's back and feeling a little bit better. We have tended to him in some special ways. There's food involved. Outside time involved.
Speaker 1:But yes. Yes. Emily shared, recently, it's become piece by piece. I could relate so much. I cried throughout.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. There are a thousand things I wanna say about this, but I'm so traumatized by seasons. I don't think I can respond yet. But maybe we'll come back full circle someday. Maybe.
Speaker 1:Maybe not. Megan shared, I've only just started listening recently, so I've only listened to about 15 episodes so far. My favorites yet are the one with Susan P. S. Bennett and with Jeff Clark.
Speaker 1:Susan's holistic approach resonated with me as someone into metaphysics and spirituality. And Jeff's was touching and moving to hear from someone so close to someone with DID. It provided a lot of self compassion. But I love the ones with just y'all as well. They are super helpful and eye opening, but they can be a bit more confusing and activating to the rest of me.
Speaker 1:So I focused more on doctor E's interview episodes, but also getting to know the three Emmas was so eye opening contextualized our experiences a lot too. So, basically, this isn't a direct answer to your question, but that's the way we roll. That made me laugh. Yeah. You know what?
Speaker 1:I think I think that I think that's absolutely true and absolutely valid, that the more personal episodes can be confusing or activating or triggering even, not intentionally, but because we're doing real work with real stuff. And so if you need to skip those, skip them. Like, I'm learning all the power of the pause button and the skip button and the fast forward button. Like, use those tools and resources. You absolutely can.
Speaker 1:But we will just keep sharing in the ways that we're able. Lighthouse System says, some endings are new beginnings. We have just started listening to the podcast after a big system restructure. It put a lot into perspective. Oh, I'm so glad it was helpful.
Speaker 1:Jennifer System said, I left episode 302 about the persecutors and protectors because I've been struggling with a teenage alter who has been urging me to harm myself, but I want to understand them and create a good relationship with them. Look at you. You go. Analik had said, there are so many podcasts that I love. I recently listened to Emma's goal number 60 and Justin from the Polyvagal Podcasts number 61.
Speaker 1:Emma's goal is so confronting, but also comforting as she allows sincere deep insight in the mind and even into her soul. And I recognize myself in so many ways, so I can share this podcast with my husband and closest friends to give them possibly to help them understand more of DID and more of me. Thank you so much for sharing this, Emma. Justin from the Polyvagal Podcast seems to be a nice guy, and he explains this complicated theory very clearly. It makes so much sense.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad these were helpful. Jen said, I love all the ones with Julie. I want and need a Julie. Oh, I let me tell you. No.
Speaker 1:Having good here's what I'm going to say. Having good, safe friends that stay and give you room and space to also be yourself is really, really important. And I have, in the last year, two years, three years, learned to stop trying to be what other people need for me to be able to be accepted for friendship, that that does not work. And I have learned that making myself smaller or less than does not make a healthy friendship. And I have learned that not everyone who says good things about you at the beginning are the same people who will stay and keep encouraging you with good words.
Speaker 1:And these are painful and difficult lessons. But what I can tell you is on the other side, the friends that I have made in the community are deep and real and good and forever. And I love these people. And I hope that you, as a new member of the community, are also able to find that. But it includes doing the work on ourselves too to offer the same thing.
Speaker 1:And all of that is so much work for everyone. Together Forever shared, Today's podcast with Bill was packed with so many things to reflect on. We took notes so that the others can also read them until the podcast is released. We oh, oh. So this is healing stories with Bill who that happened last year.
Speaker 1:It's episode number three twenty three. But also, he's come back for a second part of that workshop, and so that is coming up in December. You will get to hear it. Together says, there's always so much to reflect on when listening to your guest speakers and the wonderful information shared by you and the others within the system. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Serenity added to this. Thanks for this presentation. I like to connect dots through analogies, and he was loaded with stories. Isn't he awesome? I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1:This person said, episode 105 with guest speaker Dan Siegel, which brought two worlds together since I studied interpersonal neurobiology a handful of years ago and how that early development connects to DID. Oh, I am so glad. That that is amazing. Hey. If you wanna come on the podcast and talk about your studies and early development in DID and OSDD, that would be fantastic.
Speaker 1:Send me an email about that. Stephanie says, I am listening to emails. I'm a bee. And honestly, I don't understand why someone would even say that they don't like the intro to you. I am also not a fan, but I've always just skipped with no big deal and moved on.
Speaker 1:I remember some podcasts where you said the husband told you that there's already an intro to the podcast, so just let it be instead of worrying about it. I think it's fantastic that you guys do music. You do you, boo. Now see, this is a beautiful, healthy example of it's not fawning. It's very authentic.
Speaker 1:They don't really like the intro either, but they're not unkind about it. And, also, they're managing themselves. They just skip it, and it's no big deal. Stephanie, you get a 100 therapy points. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. So so much is happening. It has been a year. I can't even. And we're just now getting to fall.
Speaker 1:At least the time we're recording this, it's almost September, and I can't even people's this wow. So much. So much. I don't even know. So I wanna tell you thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for encouraging us truly. Let's see what else is in the community. So in the community, in the specific podcast episodes topic, in the fans group, Kate shared the episode, what's up? What's going on? You sound so sick in this episode.
Speaker 1:I hope everyone has recovered since this was a few months ago. Yes. Yes. I do wanna say we're all better, at least since the time of this recording. We are all better.
Speaker 1:We've had another booster. We are masking because that was a miserable experience. I can't even tell you how sick we were. It was bad. It was really, really bad.
Speaker 1:But we are through it, and we are better and being careful. So I am grateful. That was terrible. Kate said, I like how your therapist addresses how the word reenactment can be seen as shaming. Right?
Speaker 1:That's the first time I ever heard anyone say that, and I am so grateful to her for that. Kate says so many relatable things in this episode. Yes, listening to everyone is so important, and so is seeing the gray. Containing yourself makes the time in between sessions feel okay. I've noticed that we are not as distressed between sessions, so this must be a good thing.
Speaker 1:Yes. You guys, there's a season when you first start therapy that it feels like you are in absolute crisis every day, every moment between sessions. Like, if you're not in that office, or I guess maybe for you cool kids, if you're not on telehealth, it feels like you're in crisis. But I'm telling you, when you keep going and if you have a therapist with really good boundaries and if you understand, if you can get to the point, this was our game changer, if you can get to the point where you understand that therapy is yours and that you take it with you, that it's not actually about the therapist being magic or being God, that you can take that with you, when that finally clicks into place, you are no more in crisis between appointments. I am not even kidding.
Speaker 1:I know if you're just at the beginning, that may sound impossible. But I'm telling you, you will no longer be in crisis between appointments. Because all of that is already in you, and you take it with you when you're not there. I love that so much. Thank you, Kate, for bringing that up.
Speaker 1:Shiny Diamond says, oh, you guys have been through so, so much listening to what's up. Why can't doctors just work with patients? Here, people who want that medicine can't get it. I'll say what you said and don't wanna be political, but I took it and it helped a lot. And then I didn't get sick.
Speaker 1:I just wish there were more doctors able to help patients by working together and letting doctors be doctors so people don't have to go out of state to try to get what they think will help. It's so ironic that you had to go to an online doctor and people here are doing the same thing, but on the opposite side. It's so sad to hear how many people are getting sick and having such serious health issues. It breaks my heart. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad we're better. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Shiny Diamond says, in standing up, that episode is so powerful. Such a good last line on the episode spoken with such strength. Today, I said no.
Speaker 1:Andy's replied, all the feels, literally sobbing with all the feels about saying no and being heard and having it matter. My rage, pure rage for that teacher drained away when the last few minutes became a victory, a celebration instead of another unacknowledged request for safety. I'll be crying in my pillow for a while if anyone is trying to find me. Brie agreed with that. Shana said, yes, Andes, and then saying no.
Speaker 1:That was a goosebumps moment. Andy said, unbanishment. That episode, tears and all the feels as the podcast sinks in and we hear in words what we couldn't say, and all of the grief that comes with the knowledge of what was and the both of what is now, and the welcoming of those small parts in ways they never experienced. Oh, yeah. I'm just gonna let that one hang in the air because that was heavy.
Speaker 1:Lisa shares oh, Lisa, I miss y'all so much. Lisa has been with the podcast almost since the very beginning, and I am so grateful to them. They have been so kind to us, and they have stayed through so much and they have worked so hard at their own healing. And I just, I am so glad you are out there. They said, episode, emails, I'm a bee.
Speaker 1:Heck yeah, sing your dang heart out. And I personally love your singing voice and piano and music. You do you boo and to heck with the naysayers. You inspire. Oh, I love you, Lisa.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Andy shared. I'm just shocked that people say such rotten things to you. Andy, let me tell you. People say terrible things to me all the time because of the podcast.
Speaker 1:The emails I get are horrific. You would be shocked for sure. I mean, seriously. Okay. And you said, I mean, why?
Speaker 1:You're not forcing anyone. They choose to listen. Why would someone take the time to criticize you or berate you and the podcast because they don't like something? Honey, no one asked for your opinion. As pink says, I'm not here for your entertainment.
Speaker 1:Peoples need to reevaluate their approach to human interactions. I'm really worked up about this. And I shared in reply to that. I said, it's also part of being public though, and I have learned a lot about myself dealing with it. Mostly, I was proud of not letting it bother me.
Speaker 1:We have come a long way. Andy said in reply to that, I get it, and I'm so proud of the way you handled it. But also, why does being public open the door for people to be genuinely unkind? Not just for you, but for anyone who lives any degree of public life. You know what?
Speaker 1:That's an excellent question, and I, of course, would prefer that people were kind. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening to us and for all of your support for the podcast, our books, and them being donated to survivors and the community. It means so much to us as we try to create something that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing.